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December 28, 2012 9:53 AM   Subscribe

You'd be amazed at the kinds of things that folks dredge from the Lake to be appraised on Lake Dredge Appraisal. via Bullseye

Items:

A briefcase

Silt

A Hatbox

A apology

100 Iphones

Shitbucket

Zionist literature

Mt. Dew

Some kinda guitar

Two headed gull

A Stereo

Silverware

A Pen

Snake Eggs

Oil Painting.

(After an injury with some Splintered Wood, the regular host was replaced by his brother Judge Dredge).
posted by Potomac Avenue (37 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite

 
I'm watching this at work so I couldn't turn the sound up, but this is a world-class "I've had enough of this shit" look.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:59 AM on December 28, 2012


Yeah, I watched this as the Onion posted them, and they were pretty awesomely hilarious. I really like the Lake Dredge dude a lot, and look forward to seeing him in other stuff.

The Onion has been doing some great stuff lately. If you like Lake Dredge but would prefer something that's more crushingly depressing and apt to leave you a committed vegan, you should try Porkin' Across America, with Jim Haggerty! It's like a delightful carnival of hilarity and joy, except they've replaced the "joy" part with "hideous misanthropic loathing."
posted by koeselitz at 10:05 AM on December 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


Fine, Virgil. Give me the pot.
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 10:10 AM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thanks to my husband, I have become a constant passive viewer of shows like Pawn Stars and Storage Wars. Incidentally, last night I noticed that during Property Wars, a show about a bunch of awful white guys trying to buy awful beige tract housing in Phoenix, the Discovery Channel had added a celebratory kinara to its corner logo, signifying its recognition of Kwanzaa.

Needless to say, Lake Dredge Appraisal is forcing me to try much, much harder than usual not to laugh at the office.
posted by Madamina at 10:20 AM on December 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


This is very funny stuff....
posted by HuronBob at 10:24 AM on December 28, 2012


Porkin' across America flies right past satire and into some scary zone of pure unrelenting loathing previously unseen in Internet yukyuk videos.
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on December 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


Both Porkin' Across America and Sex House break new ground in surreal horror, which is not something you'd expect from a parody of foodie shows or reality television.

CLOUDY DRINK KILLS FROG.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:40 AM on December 28, 2012 [12 favorites]


Great post :)! I stumbled upon Lake Dredge Appraisal a few months ago and it is by far my favorite series the onion has put out although I haven't checked out 'Porkin'. The "Putrid Silt" episode literally had me crying with laughter in my living room when I first watched it and I still smile thinking about how perfectly executed the performance of their pure revulsion is. As basic as the premise is, there is just something that gets me right at the core about appraising a sack of putrid silt, and the pretense of professionalism as he suggests that it could potentially be used as fertilizer.

No one in my circle of friends really seems to find LDA particularly hilarious so I'm glad to know there are others who appreciate it as much as I do!
posted by jnnla at 10:44 AM on December 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


The guy playing Pete is KILLING me.
posted by Madamina at 10:44 AM on December 28, 2012


Man, The Onion does some consistently awesome video stuff. I just wish they hadn't retired the character of Joad Cressbeckler.
posted by jbickers at 10:48 AM on December 28, 2012 [4 favorites]


Oh man, that Jim Haggerty is SPOT ON on the complete idiocy and...homunculanism of those hosts.
posted by DU at 10:55 AM on December 28, 2012


Ha – wow, rewatching Porkin Across America, it's sort of shocking how fast they made this thing disturbing. The second episode is already pretty crushing. It's like they started out at the bottom just to see how much worse they could make it.
posted by koeselitz at 10:57 AM on December 28, 2012


The guitar one is my favorite.

This post reminds me that I never watched the last episode of Sex House, thanks post!
posted by sonmi at 11:03 AM on December 28, 2012


This is great. Only problem (spoiler alert):

The sound/feel/thought of an empty pen trying to write on paper literally sends chills down my spine (does this happen to other people?). And that was a whole lotta empty pen trying to write on paper.
posted by Flunkie at 11:17 AM on December 28, 2012


OK so this is really, really awesome. Did they really create this and make it look like an old VHS? If so, that's been done to absolute perfection.
posted by odinsdream at 11:49 AM on December 28, 2012


"That's something to think about."
posted by drezdn at 12:20 PM on December 28, 2012


There are actually some good youtube comments...
posted by drezdn at 12:25 PM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


My favorite line was "OK, this is something called 'polycephaly'."
posted by Flunkie at 12:26 PM on December 28, 2012


The Dredge Report
posted by growabrain at 12:29 PM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]



There are actually some good youtube comments...


That's true. My favorites are the trolls calling for Kim to be banned from appraising.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:41 PM on December 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


Holy fuck Porkin' Across America is beyond description.
posted by odinsdream at 12:46 PM on December 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


My favourite comment was the one talking about the car ad in the Mountain Dew can episode.
posted by salishsea at 12:49 PM on December 28, 2012


I didn't think I'd get caught up in this -- I watched Sex House a while back, thought it was a bit overplayed and assumed this would be similar. But Lake Dredge Appraisal is incredible; it's as if David Lynch had directed SCTV. Scary good.

And why, why did you have to let me know about Porkin' Across America? I don't have time for this, this, genius.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:03 PM on December 28, 2012


I have just spent the last hour watching Sex House. I just wanted you all to know that.
posted by decathecting at 1:05 PM on December 28, 2012


I watched Sex House a while back, thought it was a bit overplayed
Did you watch it all? If not, how far into it did you watch?
posted by Flunkie at 1:06 PM on December 28, 2012


The Onion has some great talent creating their videos. For awhile, they confined themselves to just pitch-perfect news sendups for fairly obvious reasons (their roundtable segments have always been good, and Today Now! showed that vicious mockery getting sharper) and then they've started branching out and it's been beautiful.

Sex House was one of my favorite shows period this past year. Porkin' Across America was also a thing of beauty (I thought I was dying from laughing and cringing so hard during the episode where our host attends a funeral by video chat), and it's only negative is that it probably means Today Now! segments have lost Jim Haggerty.

Their Onion Talks skewering of the smug contentless cargo cult of intellectualism underlying the worst of the TED and (especially) TEDx Talks have been a bit more uneven, but when they're on, they are on.

I'm really looking forward to whatever they end up doing next.
posted by Drastic at 1:24 PM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ooooh man. Their ripoff TED talks are awesome as well. The Power of Selling Out: Your Customers as Political Capital
posted by odinsdream at 1:28 PM on December 28, 2012


This is another miss-appraisal by´╗┐ Kim.

Those iPhones did not experience 100% depreciation. The cost of the aluminum housing, gold plated chips, and various precision-machined components DO indeed offer significant value, even in the Holcomb county municipal area. I am appalled by the failing accuracy of Kim's appraisals. If things don't pick up, I may just well find myself viewing some of the more sexed up appraisals offered by neighboring counties.

-Regards.

posted by anazgnos at 1:59 PM on December 28, 2012 [4 favorites]


Yeah, Porkin' Across America really should be the FPP here. I think it's the finest thing The Onion has ever done, just a golden nugget of misanthropy. The last two episodes in particular are amazing, but the ending is telegraphed even from the first minute. ("Porkman speaking!")
posted by speicus at 2:25 PM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Very funny. It's too bad this version of the Onion is under the same banner as the cynical snarkfest of entertainment reporting that is the AV Club.
posted by item at 3:39 PM on December 28, 2012


Man ... I am home from work now and can watch more than one of these, uninterrupted and with the sound on, and I am CRYING this is so funny. Something very David Lynch about it. Love it.
posted by jbickers at 8:04 PM on December 28, 2012


OK, so I've just winced and howled my way through Porkin' Across America and now I'm at episode 7 of Sex House and I think I must be getting a contact high off the Cloudy Drink* because the following line is just so quintessentially Onion that I can't stop crying for laughing:

"To call this place evil implies a clarity of purpose that I do not want to attribute to anyone involved."

*kills frogs
posted by flabdablet at 4:54 AM on December 29, 2012 [5 favorites]


Oh my god, when the window opens in the Sex House... just sheer genius.

LDA is a bit too dry for me, but I appreciate that its there.
Porkin' Across America is a thing of fine horror, indeed.
posted by Theta States at 4:25 PM on December 29, 2012


"I am... pig?"
posted by odinsdream at 4:42 PM on December 29, 2012


I'm a successful social media consultant, even though I've never had a thought or original idea in my life.
posted by flabdablet at 3:51 AM on December 30, 2012


How can one short talk be so completely right and so completely wrong at the same time?

Onion, you've outdone yourself.
posted by flabdablet at 4:25 AM on December 30, 2012


Well, today they posted their latest Onion Talk – Your Brain-Gun: Turn The Safety Off. It's... well, it might be a masterpiece of grim humor, I'm not sure; I never can get enough distance from these things to say. This has a bit more, uh, 'audience participation' than the past ones. "We need to inspire terror with our brain-guns – except, uh, replace 'terror' with 'innovation.'"
posted by koeselitz at 8:10 PM on January 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


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