The Dowager Countess Will Never Walk Alone
January 4, 2013 2:06 PM Subscribe
Downton Abbey returns to American TV screens this Sunday. Since many Americans have become fascinated with the intricate social dances featured in the English drama/soap, Grantland feels there's an opportunity to provide them a lesson about the equally intricate plot machinations associated with the English Premier League. I give you the "English Premier League to Downton Abbey plot converter."
They did a Game of Thrones version last year.
They did a Game of Thrones version last year.
Imagine a sound. A low sort of rumbling in the chest that travels up the throat and bursts out from pursed lips and flared nostrils as a kind of bleat. It's loud, but somehow unenthusiastic despite that. It conveys a sort of oppressed indifference. It sounds, maybe, like what would come out of a man-sized rubber duck if you were to beat it casually with a baton.
This is the noise I make every time my wife says perkily, "Hey! We should start watching the new season of Downton Abbey when it's on."
posted by R. Schlock at 2:24 PM on January 4, 2013 [13 favorites]
This is the noise I make every time my wife says perkily, "Hey! We should start watching the new season of Downton Abbey when it's on."
posted by R. Schlock at 2:24 PM on January 4, 2013 [13 favorites]
Thank God, I've been wondering whether Master Bates would be freed from the large injustice done to him.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:26 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:26 PM on January 4, 2013
Oh great: an article attempting to decode a TV show about something I know little about (the manor house system and general social codes of British post-Edwardian, pre-WWII society) using something I know even less about (British football).
That said, I just started watching Downton Abbey last week and I can't tear myself away. The world depicted is surprisingly exotic, which is certainly a big part of the fun. Then there are the soap opera plots, Maggie Smith, and the pretty, pretty dresses.
posted by lunasol at 2:37 PM on January 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
That said, I just started watching Downton Abbey last week and I can't tear myself away. The world depicted is surprisingly exotic, which is certainly a big part of the fun. Then there are the soap opera plots, Maggie Smith, and the pretty, pretty dresses.
posted by lunasol at 2:37 PM on January 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
Cora Crawley: Aston Villa
An American heiress who married into British nobility. Her fortune is now tied to the failing estate and, though well-intentioned, Cora remains ignorant of the complex dynamics of Downton life and is easily manipulated by those around her.
My local team growing up was AV; this about sums it up.
posted by arcticseal at 2:43 PM on January 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
An American heiress who married into British nobility. Her fortune is now tied to the failing estate and, though well-intentioned, Cora remains ignorant of the complex dynamics of Downton life and is easily manipulated by those around her.
My local team growing up was AV; this about sums it up.
posted by arcticseal at 2:43 PM on January 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
It's all so clear, now...
And I end up liking West Ham even more.
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:13 PM on January 4, 2013
And I end up liking West Ham even more.
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:13 PM on January 4, 2013
I'm hoping that Season 3 airing in the US will mean that Season 2 finally shows up on Netflix.
posted by dhartung at 3:26 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by dhartung at 3:26 PM on January 4, 2013
Bates and Anna are the only people I give any amount of shit about in that show. The rest of them can go to perdition, as far as I care.
posted by Danf at 3:30 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by Danf at 3:30 PM on January 4, 2013
Nailed Chelsea.
posted by professor plum with a rope at 3:39 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by professor plum with a rope at 3:39 PM on January 4, 2013
All right. I don't understand the English Premier League, but I do understand food; I therefore offer you A Downton Abbey Premiere Menu. (I made the spatchcocked and braise-roasted chicken last night and it was fantastic, and if I weren't on this doomed-to-failure trial of a wheat-free diet I would be all over those fig and blue cheese savouries.)
posted by HotToddy at 3:41 PM on January 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 3:41 PM on January 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm hoping that Season 3 airing in the US will mean that Season 2 finally shows up on Netflix.
You might consider a month of Hulu Plus.
posted by sonic meat machine at 3:59 PM on January 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
You might consider a month of Hulu Plus.
posted by sonic meat machine at 3:59 PM on January 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Bates and Anna are the only people I give any amount of shit about in that show. The rest of them can go to perdition, as far as I care.
Really? Even Daisy?
Wait, are we now talking about the actual show or the list?
posted by ob at 4:27 PM on January 4, 2013
Really? Even Daisy?
Wait, are we now talking about the actual show or the list?
posted by ob at 4:27 PM on January 4, 2013
I'm Maggie Smith Bitches! YEAH!!
posted by Nick Verstayne at 4:35 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by Nick Verstayne at 4:35 PM on January 4, 2013
I liked the scene on their wedding night where after Bates and Anna made love for the first time a couple of footmen came in and effortfully extracted her from his bellybutton.
No, wait, not 'liked'. Oh, what is the word? It'll come to me...
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:50 PM on January 4, 2013
No, wait, not 'liked'. Oh, what is the word? It'll come to me...
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:50 PM on January 4, 2013
"Patrick Gordon" (The Burned Man) -> Blackpool. Shows up briefly and leaves everyone wondering what the hell was that all about.
(also, I'm a patch-bearing GFOP!)
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:55 PM on January 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
(also, I'm a patch-bearing GFOP!)
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:55 PM on January 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
I live in an alternate universe in which Ian Darke is Dumbledore.
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:30 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:30 PM on January 4, 2013
I would have made Thomas Tottenham, 'cause I'm a Gooner.
Also, having enjoyed Being Liverpool, I like the image of Downton being full of giant Dowager Countess face arts on the walls. I wonder if she walks around with three envelopes containing the names of people who will disappoint her?
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:37 PM on January 4, 2013
Also, having enjoyed Being Liverpool, I like the image of Downton being full of giant Dowager Countess face arts on the walls. I wonder if she walks around with three envelopes containing the names of people who will disappoint her?
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:37 PM on January 4, 2013
well I only watch the show for the gorgeous Sybil...
posted by moorooka at 6:38 PM on January 4, 2013
posted by moorooka at 6:38 PM on January 4, 2013
Thanks to also having recently finished the Game of Thrones books, I now think I have a loose handle on the English Premiere League. Now to stealthily try out some banter on some unsuspecting footie fan. This may be interesting.
Is this where we get to unleash spoilers about the last Christmas special? Because, seriously? Does Fellows think he's Whedon now and obligated to [redacted] people [redacted] on a regular basis, is this just sloppy writing because they can't figure out how else to keep the story going, or is he jumping ship for that new American job?
posted by provoliminal at 9:59 PM on January 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Is this where we get to unleash spoilers about the last Christmas special? Because, seriously? Does Fellows think he's Whedon now and obligated to [redacted] people [redacted] on a regular basis, is this just sloppy writing because they can't figure out how else to keep the story going, or is he jumping ship for that new American job?
posted by provoliminal at 9:59 PM on January 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
I therefore offer you A Downton Abbey Premiere Menu.
Chai? I doubt it.
Those are damn pretty photographs though.
posted by NoraReed at 12:58 AM on January 5, 2013
Chai? I doubt it.
Those are damn pretty photographs though.
posted by NoraReed at 12:58 AM on January 5, 2013
Bates and Anna are the only people I give any amount of shit about in that show. The rest of them can go to perdition, as far as I care.
Ugh. I like the characters individually, and the actors are great, but their relationship just brings the whole show to a screeching halt IMO. OH SO NOBLE Mr Bates, it just sets my teeth on edge. Not to mention they rehashed the same plot point like 83 times in S2 with them.
posted by gaspode at 5:23 AM on January 5, 2013
Ugh. I like the characters individually, and the actors are great, but their relationship just brings the whole show to a screeching halt IMO. OH SO NOBLE Mr Bates, it just sets my teeth on edge. Not to mention they rehashed the same plot point like 83 times in S2 with them.
posted by gaspode at 5:23 AM on January 5, 2013
I have thought about making a site that was nothing but ______ to Premier League converters. Chain restaurants? Star Trek TNG characters? Household objects? All that and more at unnecessarysubstitution.blogspot.com!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:23 AM on January 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:23 AM on January 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, but the link was awesome. Of course Mrs. Hughes is Man U.
posted by gaspode at 5:25 AM on January 5, 2013
posted by gaspode at 5:25 AM on January 5, 2013
I've never seen any of Downtown Abbey (as my mum calls it) but if you like it, you can get a set of fragrances that the characters may have worn. (They're also doing a Mad Men set, which is intriguing even though I don't really know a great deal about what perfumes were popular at the time that aren't still popular now.)
posted by mippy at 2:48 PM on January 5, 2013
posted by mippy at 2:48 PM on January 5, 2013
Related (via kottke): This Etsy store features portraits of Downton Abbey characters drawn as dogs and cats.
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:37 PM on January 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:37 PM on January 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
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posted by ob at 2:24 PM on January 4, 2013