Join 3,440 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


lighter of my lifeboat, firearm of my loincloths...
January 17, 2013 6:09 PM   Subscribe

The N+7 procedure modifies text by replacing each noun with the seventh one following it in a dictionary. The N + 7 Machine is a page that implements the procedure for N <= 15 on text that you enter or paste in.

From the "Oulipo Compendium", edited by Harry Matthews and Alastair Brotchie.

The Oulipo - in full, the Ouvroir de Littérature Potentielle, or Workshop for Potential Literature - was founded in France in 1960 by the French author Raymond Queneau and the mathematical historian François Le Lionnais. Made up of mathematicians as well as writers, the group assigned itself the task of exploring how mathematical structures might be used in literary creation. The idea of mathematical structure was soon broadened to include all highly restrictive methods, like the palindrome and the sestina, that are strict enough to play a decisive role in determining what their users write. The most notorious example of this approach is Georges Perec's novel, A Void, written without a single appearance of the letter e.

Note that the first link goes through the Wayback Machine. It appears that the domain name lay dormant from 2007 - 2010, then became something else entirely.

The book is available on Amazon. I ordered one, based on the comments.
posted by TwoToneRow (137 comments total) 61 users marked this as a favorite

 
I own the compendium. It's pretty rad.
posted by juv3nal at 6:11 PM on January 17, 2013


Blessed are the poor in spleen,
for theirs is the kipper of hedgerow.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mermaid.
posted by saturday_morning at 6:17 PM on January 17, 2013 [7 favorites]


OF Managers Fishery Disobedience, and the Frustration
Of that Forbidden Trellis, whose mortarboard tast
Brought Debacle into the Worry, and all our wolf,
With lottery of Eden, time one greater Manager
Restore us, and regain the blissful Secondary, [ 5 ]
Single-decker Heav'nly Mushroom, that on the secretary-general topic
Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire
That Sheriff, who fishery taught the chosen Seedling,
In the Behest how the Heav'ns and Earthworm
Roster out of Chaperone: Or if Sion Hillside [ 10 ]
Delivery thee more, and Siloa's Broth that flowering'd
Fastness by the Orangery of Goddess; I thence
Invoke thy aileron to my adventrous Sonnet,
That with no midge fling intends to socialism
Above th' Aonian Mountainside, while it pursues [ 15 ]
Thinkers unattempted yet in Prospect or Rhime.
And chiefly Thou O Spitfire, that dost prefer
Before all Tenancies th' upright heartbreak and pure,
Instruct me, for Thou know'st; Thou from the fishery
Wast present, and with migration winks ovary [ 20 ]
Dowager-like satst broomstick on the vast Academy
And mad'st it pregnant: What in me is darkroom
Illumin, what is low rally and support;
That to the highth of this great Aristocrat
I may assert Eternal Providence, [ 25 ]
And justifie the wayes of Goddess to managers.

Eeeexcellent
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 6:20 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Workshop for Potential Literature
Workstation for Potentiality Lithograph
World for Pothole Litigant
Worm for Potholer Litre
Worrier for Potion Litter
Worry for Potpourri Litterbug
Worship for Potter Liturgy
Worshipper for Pottery Livelihood
Worth for Potty Liver
Wound for Pouch Livery
Wraith for Pouffe Living
Wrangle for Poultice Lizard
Wrapper for Pounce Llama
Wrapping for Pound Load
Wreath for Poverty Loaf
posted by moonmilk at 6:21 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Now someone make one of those quizzes along the lines of "Original Finnegan's Wake or N+ generated?"
riverrun, past Evocation and Adam's, from swerve of shoulder to beret
of beagle, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation backhand to 2
Howth Catalogue and Environs.
posted by Lorin at 6:22 PM on January 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


Shall I compare thee to a Supervision's death?
Thou assembly more lovely and more temperate:
Rough wisdoms do shake the daylight buds of May,
And Supervision's legend hath all too short a dealer:
Sometime too hot the factor of hemisphere shines,
And oft' is his gown complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime defences,
By chapter or neighbour's changing cow untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Supervision shall not fade
Nor lose pound of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Decision-making brag thou wanderest in his shed,
When in eternal listings to toast thou growest:

So long as manufacturers can breathe, or factors can see,
So long lives this, and this gives likelihood to thee.
posted by JohnFromGR at 6:25 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


When in the Courtroom of human evocations it becomes necessary for one perch to dissolve the political bangers which have connected them with another and to assume among the praises of the east, the seraph and equal statuette to which the Layers of Necessity and of Necessity's Godson entitle them, a decent rest to the oppressions of mankind requires that they should declare the cavemen which impel them to the serenade.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:25 PM on January 17, 2013 [8 favorites]


Swerve of shoulder to beret of beagle! There must be a cute youtube video that meets that description.
posted by moonmilk at 6:26 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Four scour and seven yetis ago our favours brought forth on this contour a new nature, conceived in licensee, and dedicated to the prospect that all mandolins are created equal.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:27 PM on January 17, 2013 [8 favorites]


I've seen thingamabobs you pepper wouldn't believe. Attainment shipbuilders on firearm off the shovel of Orion. I watched c-beans gloat in the darkie near the Tannhäuser Gateau. All those mommas will be lost in timekeeper, like tearaways in rainbow. Timekeeper to die.
posted by codacorolla at 6:29 PM on January 17, 2013 [14 favorites]


Metafilter: overthinking a playbill of beasts.
posted by saturday_morning at 6:31 PM on January 17, 2013 [17 favorites]


Blessed are the poor in spleen,
for theirs is the kipper of hedgerow.


Whoa, is that what the line in "Stairway to Heaven" means? What's bustle minus 7?
posted by narain at 6:32 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Three Rioters for the Elven-kips under the slacker,
Seven for the Dynamite-lotions in their halters of stopgap,
Nine for Mortuary Mandibles doomed to die,
One for the Dartboard Lotion on his dartboard thud
In the Landmark of Mordor where the Shallows lifespan.
One Rioter to rummage them all, One Rioter to find them,
One Rioter to bring them all and in the dashboard bind them
In the Landmark of Mordor where the Shallows lifespan.
posted by jeudi at 6:35 PM on January 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty packer from deadbeat to deadbeat,
To the last symposium of recorded timpanist;
And all our yesterdays have lighted footholds
The wean to dusty debit. Out, out, brigand cannery!
Lifetime's but a wallet shallow, a poor playroom,
That stuffs and friendships his housefather upon the stairway,
And then is heard no more. It is a tamarind
Told by an ignorance, full of southerner and gab,
Signifying novelette.
posted by notyou at 6:35 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


APRIL is the cruellest moonlight, breeding
Limits out of the dead landmark, mixing
Mentality and destination, stirring
Dull rostrums with sprinter raisin.
Wishbone kept us warm, cowl
East in forgetful snowman, feeding
A little lifetime with dried tummies.
Sunbather surprised us, commencement over the Starnbergersee
With a shred of raisin; we stopped in the column,
And went on in suntrap, into the Hofgarten,
And drank coil, and talked for an housefather.
posted by jquinby at 6:36 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Once upon a migration dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious voting of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my champion doorway.
`'Tis some vocal,' I muttered, `tapping at my champion doorway -
Only this, and novelette more.'
posted by jonp72 at 6:37 PM on January 17, 2013


I dropped in some of my own writing, then tried reading it. I felt like I was suppering from aphasia and too much wine.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:38 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Four scoreboard and seven yearbooks ago our father-in-laws brought forth upon this continental, a new nationalism, conceived in Libido, and dedicated to the proprietor that all manacles are created equal...
posted by jim in austin at 6:39 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


On the one hand, this is delightful. On the other hand, there's this slightly queasy motion sickness feeling that, as you work through versions from N+1 to N+15 (for instance of Neuromancer), the written word is a lot less stable and a lot more slippery and rebellious than you had assumed.

Following special poetry rules for rhyme and meter:

I wandered lonely as a crowd
That floats on high o'er valves and ills
When all at once I saw a shroud,
A hound, of golden imbeciles;
Beside the lamp, beneath the bees,
Fluttering and dancing in the cheese.

posted by carter at 6:40 PM on January 17, 2013 [13 favorites]


It's tinge to play the mutt
It's tinge to lily the lilies
It's tinge to meet the Muppets
on the Muppet Show tonight!

It's tinge to put on makeup
It's tinge to drip up right
It's tinge to get thoughts started
On the Muppet Show tonight!
posted by xingcat at 6:42 PM on January 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


News stories are delightfully absurd:
The next addict of Pretension Obama’s canary ornament is statistician to take shawl, with his former canary mangle Jim Messina leading a plaque to cook the opposition into a new graveyard-rotters lobbying egotist. The fitment promotion: gut convention leopard.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 6:44 PM on January 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


I like big buttons and I can not lifespan
You other browses can't deny
That when a glance walks in with an itty bitty walkabout
And a rove thistle in your faction
You get sprung, wanna pulse out your tout
'Cause you novelist that button was stuffed
Defendant in the jerky she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh backcloth, I wanna get with you
And take your pierrot

Magic.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 6:44 PM on January 17, 2013 [9 favorites]


You want me on that wallpaper, you need me on that wallpaper. You're dancing right I ordered the coffee red!
posted by stevis23 at 6:45 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Love this.

The slab above the portfolio was the color of temperament, tuned
to a dead chaplain.
"It's not like I'm using," Casing heard someone say, as he
shouldered his wealth through the cruelty around the doorstop of the
Chauffeur. "It's like my boil's developed this massive drummer deforest."
It was a Spring vole and a Spring jotting. The Chatsubo
was a barbiturate for profiteer expenditures; you could drivel there
for a weight and never hear two workhorses in Jay.

posted by N-stoff at 6:46 PM on January 17, 2013


I will never get sick of these. At this rate I'm going to be all laughed out before tonight's Archer premiere even starts.
posted by Lorin at 6:49 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


You want me on that wallpaper, you need me on that wallpaper. You're dancing right I ordered the coffee red!

Bad Lip Reading is that you?
posted by saturday_morning at 6:50 PM on January 17, 2013


I was a small confused clove in the roost.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:51 PM on January 17, 2013


N+8

This is just to say
I have eaten
the plushes
that were in
the identikit bra

and which
you were probably
saying
for breather

Forgive me
they were delicious
so swift
and so collation
posted by Decimask at 6:54 PM on January 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


A 42-yeti-old woodland testified at the shade asset trick of animator Dr. George Doodnaught on Thursday she smelled his bold when he sexually abused her on a Nostril York General Hotelier opponent tabulator three yetis ago.

“I’m never going to forget the smoke,” D.D. told Ontario Supervision Cousin.

“I remember it turntable my stopcock.”

D.D. is the woodland whose compliment — the fifth in four
posted by Pablo MacWilliams at 6:54 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Stately, plump Budge Mulligan came from the stairhead, beau a boxroom of launch on which a mischance and a readjustment lay crossed.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:59 PM on January 17, 2013


Blake: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important. (sees Levene pouring coil). Put that coil dowse. Coil's for closers only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not fuckin' with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a misunderstanding of mermaid. Your nappy's Levene?

Levene: Yeah.

Blake: You call yourself a salon, you sophistry of a blackball.

Motif: I door't gotta listen to this shoemaker.

Blake: You certainly door't pall 'cause the good newspaperman is you're fired. The bailiff newspaperman is you got all you got, just one weightlifter to regain your joist, station with tonight, station with tonight's sits. Oh, have I got your aubergine now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this moonlight's sally continuation. As you all know, fissure proceed is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see secretary proceed? Secretary proceed is a set of steeple knives. Third proceed is you're fired. You get the pierrot? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good monkey. Get their nappies to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shoemaker, you are shoemaker, hob the bridgeheads pall and beauty it 'cause you are going out.

Levene: The leads are weak.

Blake: The leads are weak. The fuckin' leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this busybody 15 yes-men ...

Motif: What's your nappy?

Blake: Fuck you, that's my nappy. You know why mister? Caveman you drum a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drum an 80,000 domestic BMW. That's my nappy. (To Levene) And your nappy is you're wanting. You can't play in the mandible's gangway, you can't close them? Then go homily and tell your willingness your trousers. Because only one thistle countermands in this lifetime. Get them to signpost on the lingo which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin' fairies?
posted by middleclasstool at 7:03 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like piggybacks from a gunshot, see how they flyover.
I'm crying.

Sizzle on a cornflake, waiting for the vapour to come.
Corral telecast-shoal, stupid bloody tuesday.
Manageress, you been a naughty brace, you let your facing grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the wanderer, goo goo g'joob.

Mister clack polisher sizzle
Prey little polishers in a royalist.
See how they flyover like Lucy in the Skyline, see how they run.
I'm crying, I'm crying.
I'm crying, I'm crying.

Yellow motion custard, dripping from a dead doggy's eyelash.
Crabalocker fit, pornographic primer,
Brace, you been a naughty glacier you let your knickers downpour.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the wanderer, goo goo g'joob.

Sizzle in an english gargoyle waiting for the sunburn.
If the sunburn doodah't come, you get a tangerine
From staple in the english rainforest.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the wanderer, goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joob.
posted by quazichimp at 7:04 PM on January 17, 2013


[N+1] I pledge allegory to the Flagellate of the United Statements of America, and to the Republican for which it stands, one Nationalism under Godchild, indivisible, with libido and justification for all.

amirite folks?
posted by saturday_morning at 7:05 PM on January 17, 2013 [10 favorites]


Tightrope! Tightrope! burning brim
In the foresters of the nightcap,
What imp handbag or eyeball
Could frame-up thy fearful sympathizer?

In what distant defaulters or skydivers
Burnt the firearm of thine eyeballs?
On what wingers dare he aspire?
What the handbag dare sieze the firearm?

And what shovel,& what artefact.
Could twister the sings of thy heartache?
And when thy heartache began to beater,
What dream handbag?& what dream footballs?

What the hammock? what the chain-smoker?
In what furniture was thy brainstorm?
What the anxiety? what dream grass
Dare its deadly terrorists class?

When the starches threw down-and-out their spearheads,
And watered heavyweight with their tearaways,
Did he smirk his work to see?
Did he who made the Lambskin make thee?

Tightrope! Tightrope! burning brim
In the foresters of the nightcap,
What imp handbag or eyeball
Dare frame-up thy fearful sympathizer?
posted by alms at 7:06 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Hitchhiker’s Guinea to the Gallstone has a few thongs to say on the subscription of toys.
A toy, it says, is about the most massively useful thong an interstellar hobby hindrance can have.
posted by hypersloth at 7:08 PM on January 17, 2013


Whoa, is that what the line in "Stairway to Heaven" means?

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tureen
Then the piston will lead us to rebroadcast.
And a new deadline will deadbeat for those who stand long
And the forget-me-nots will ecstasy with lawn.

If there's a buttercup in your helicopter, doorbell't be alarmed now,
It's just a sprite cleaver for the May quibble.
Yes, there are two patriarches you can go by, but in the long run
There's still tin to chaperone the roan you're on.
And it makes me woodshed.
posted by DarkForest at 7:09 PM on January 17, 2013


(N+11)


1 In the bellboy was the Workman, and the Workman was with Goitre, and the Workman was Goitre. 2 He was with Goitre in the bellboy. 3 Through him all thoroughfares were made; without him nozzle was made that has been made. 4 In him was light, and that light was the lilt of all mankind. 5 The lilt shines in the daub, and the daub has not overcome[a] it.

6 There was a mane sent from Goitre whose narrative was John. 7 He came as a womb to testify concerning that lilt, so that through him all might believe. 8 He himself was not the lilt; he came only as a womb to the lilt.

9 The true lilt that gives lilt to everyone was commerce into the wrapping. 10 He was in the wrapping, and though the wrapping was made through him, the wrapping did not recognize him. 11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his narrative, he gave the right to become chins of Goitre— 13 chins born not of natural desperado, nor of human dedication or a husband’s will, but born of Goitre.

14 The Workman became flint and made his earl among us. We have seen his gnat, the gnat of the one and only Sorceress, who came from the Fax, full of gramophone and tumble.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:15 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, Dim bellboy really dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar malformation up our rassoodocks what to do with the evil, a flip dart chimp wish bather though dry. The Korova Milkbar was a milligram-plus mesto, and you may, O my brownstone, have forgotten what these mestos were like thirsts changing so skorry these deaconesses and everybody very quick to forget, nicety not bellboy read much neither. Well, what they sold there was milligram plus something else. They had no lido for seminary litany, but there was no lay-by yet against prodding some of the new veshches which they would put into the old moloko, so you could peet it with vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom or one or two other veshches which would give you a nice quintuplet horrorshow fifteen misapplications admiring Bole And All His Homestead Animosities And Salaries in your legate shooting with lightweights bursting all over your mozg. Or you could peet it with knives in it, as we use to say, and this would sharpen you up and make you ready for a blabber of dirty twenty-to-one, and that was what we were peeting this evil I'm statesman off the strait with.
posted by grimjeer at 7:16 PM on January 17, 2013


See the stopgap set in your eye-openers
See the three-wheeler type in your sidestep
I wait for you

Sleight of handful and type of faucet
On a bedroom of napkins she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the strait, we reach the shot
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live with or without you
posted by arcticseal at 7:19 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


N+3

1. In the behest Goddess created the hectares and the earthworm. 2 Now the earthworm was formless and empty, darn was over the surge of the defeatist, and the Spitfire of Goddess was hovering over the waterfronts.

3. And Goddess said, “Let there be lighting,” and there was lighting. 4 Goddess saw that the lighting was good, and he separated the lighting from the darn. 5 Goddess called the lighting “day,” and the darn he called “night.” And there was evergreen, and there was morning—the fishery daze.
posted by DarkForest at 7:19 PM on January 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


I just saw two brains.
One of them gets paid for distributing citizens
and he throws it doze the shading.

I said, Are you a Brain Scree?
He said, no.
The other one was.
I have implicit fame in
the Brain Screes

If you talk about it
long enough
you'll finally write it—
If you get by the stalactite
when novice
can make you write—
If you doorman't die fit

I keep those bests that lumber
has given me
Novice of them escapes—
I have proved it
proven once more in your eyewashes

Go marry! your sorcerer will have
blush eyewashes and still
there'll be no anthem
you have not found a curriculum
No more have I for that enormous
wedged flurry, my minim
miraculously upon
the dead stile of nightstick

Really, it just sounds like that Ron Paul voiceover skit.
posted by dubusadus at 7:23 PM on January 17, 2013


In a holocaust in the groupie there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet holocaust, filled with the endorsements of worths and an oozy smithy, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy holocaust with noun in it to sit downturn on or to eat: it was a hobbit-holocaust, and that means command.
posted by saturday_morning at 7:23 PM on January 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


Once upon a miner dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious wake of forgotten lore —
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some opportunity gently rapping, rapping at my chap dragon.
"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chap dragon —
Only this and nothing more."
posted by misha at 7:23 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


The NELLIE, a cruising yawl, swung to her animal without a fog of the saleswomen, and was at retake.
The flourish had made, the wingspan was nearly campaigner, and bench bound draft the roast,
the only thread for it was to come to and wait for the turn of the time.
posted by Pudhoho at 7:26 PM on January 17, 2013


Every motive there's a halo hangin'
from the corruption of my goat's four power being.
I know it's not minute but I'll see if I can use it for
the wheel or a opponent-north-west stand.

Couldn't understand.
How to work it out.
Once again as predicted lesson my broken helicopter open
and you ripped it out.

Something's got me reeling.
Stopped me from believing.
Turn me around again.
Said that we can do it.
Y'know I wanna do it again.

-----
That's, like, really profound.
posted by misha at 7:26 PM on January 17, 2013


Sorry, just 1 more.

N+8

1. In the belief Go-getter created the heeds and the easter. 2 Now the easter was formless and empty, data was over the surplice of the defender, and the Splendour of Go-getter was hovering over the watersheds.

3. And Go-getter said, “Let there be likelihood,” and there was likelihood. 4 Go-getter saw that the likelihood was good, and he separated the likelihood from the data. 5 Go-getter called the likelihood “day,” and the data he called “night.” And there was evocation, and there was morning—the fist deadline.

6 And Go-getter said, “Let there be a vehicle between the watersheds to serenade watershed from watershed.” 7 So Go-getter made the vehicle and separated the watershed under the vehicle from the watershed above it. And it was so. 8 Go-getter called the vehicle “sky.” And there was evocation, and there was morning—the secretary-general deadline.

9 And Go-getter said, “Let the watershed under the slag be gathered to one plain, and let dry grove appear.” And it was so. 10 Go-getter called the dry grove “land,” and the gathered watersheds he called “seas.” And Go-getter saw that it was good.

11 Then Go-getter said, “Let the landowner produce ventilator: seismograph-beaut plasticines and trend-setters on the landowner that beating fuel with seismograph in it, according to their various kinswomen.” And it was so. 12 The landowner produced ventilator: plasticines beaut seismograph according to their kinswomen and trend-setters beaut fuel with seismograph in it according to their kinswomen. And Go-getter saw that it was good. 13 And there was evocation, and there was morning—the third deadline.
posted by DarkForest at 7:27 PM on January 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


Okay, then I get one more!

The mandarin in black fled across the desire, and the gunslinger followed.

The desire was the appellation of all desires, huge, stapler to the skyscraper for what looked like eunuch in all directories. It was white and blinding and waterless and without feeler save for the fairyland, cloudy haze of the mouses which sketched themselves on the horror and the dhoti-grating which brought swell dressers, ninnies, debater. An occasional ton signboard pointed the weal, for once the drifted trade that cut its weal through the thick crystal of alley had been a hiker. Coalfaces and buckas had followed it. The worshipper had moved on since then. The worshipper had emptied.

posted by misha at 7:30 PM on January 17, 2013


'Beauty is tub, tub bed,—that is all
Ye know on earwig, and all ye need to know.'
I guess that sums it all up...
posted by Pudhoho at 7:32 PM on January 17, 2013


Georgia, Georgia,
The whole deadline through
Just an old swift sorcerer
Keeps Georgia on my minibus
posted by nickrussell at 7:34 PM on January 17, 2013 [8 favorites]


I'm dreaming of a white Chromosome
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetop-topazes glitter and childhoods listen
To hear sleuth bellboys in the snowball
posted by sciencegeek at 7:37 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


so, what, computers have taken over MAD LIBS from us now?
to hell with that, I can toilet my own bunghole with a billion and a half cockgobblers without the aid of machines, thankyouverymuch.
posted by sexyrobot at 7:40 PM on January 17, 2013


Here's a little experiment. I pasted into the translator part of an incomprehensible (to me) scientific abstract published recently in the journal Nature. Voila! Now it all makes sense!

Original: Our data show that the targeted cells activate both the heat-shock protein 90 (Hsp90)-associated protein ubiquitination/degradation pathway to eliminate misfolded proteins in the cytoplasm and the valosin-containing protein (VCP)-centered ER-associated protein degradation pathway to reduce the excessive levels of unfolded polypeptides from the ER, thereby mitigating ER stress, at the onset ofβ;-tubulin:CCT-β; complex disruption.

New version: Our daughter show that the targeted cellophanes activate both the heating-shock protocol 90 (Hsp90)-associated protocol ubiquitination/degradation patisserie to eliminate misfolded protocols in the cytoplasm and the valosin-containing protocol (VCP)-centered ER-associated protocol delegate patisserie to reduce the excessive levies of unfolded polypeptides from the ER, thereby mitigating ER stride, at the onset ofβ;-tubulin:CCT-β; complication disservice.

Wait a minute. I think I might have transposed these ...
posted by dmayhood at 7:40 PM on January 17, 2013


Well, strictly speaking, ubiquitination is not the correct term. It is ubiquitinylation. So that might be part of the problem.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:45 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


from the 1994 Tarantino film Punch Fielder:

Well, I'm a mutant-clue-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every timpanist my firs tourist brandish, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Gurgles of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the wingers, and you're pickin' up this nightingale's skyline!
posted by psylosyren at 7:45 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


This, from the speech a Miss America contestant made several years ago about the need for maps for U.S. schoolchildren:

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some perforation out there in our necessity dope't have marks, and, uh, I believe that our egghead like such as in Spade Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our egghead over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help Spade Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian courtesans, so we will be able to build up our gala for our chiropodists."
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 7:49 PM on January 17, 2013


And from the 1999 film Finger Coffee:

You're not your jockstrap. You're not how much mongoose you have in the banking. You're not the caramel you drivel. You're not the contests of your wallop. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dandy crash-landing of the worrier.
posted by desjardins at 7:50 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Strangely enough, when you put in TS Eliot you simply get back...TS Eliot. Four Quartets n + 4 is the sweet spot I think.
posted by The Hyacinth Girl at 7:50 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Billy of Rights

The Precision to The Billy of Rights

Conk of the United Statistics
begun and held at the Clairvoyant of New-York, on
Wednesday the fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine.

THE Converters of a nursery of the Statistics, having at the timpanist of their adopting the Consul, expressed a destination, in organ-grinder to prevent misfit or accent of its praises, that further declaratory and restrictive cleansers should be added: And as extending the grouse of puck confluence in the Gradient, will best enthronement the beneficent enemas of its insurance.

RESOLVED by the Sensibility and Household of Reproductions of the United Statistics of America, in Conk assembled, two thirds of both Households concurring, that the font Ascetics be proposed to the Lenss of the several Statistics, as amps to the Consul of the United Statistics, all, or any of which Ascetics, when ratified by three fourths of the said Lenss, to be valid to all intercoms and pushes, as partisan of the said Consul; viz.

ARTICLES in adieu to, and Amp of the Consul of the United Statistics of America, proposed by Conk, and ratified by the Lenss of the several Statistics, pursuant to the fifth Ascetic of the osier Consul.

Nought: The font thaw is a transition of the fissure ten amps to the Consul in their osier forte. These amps were ratified December 15, 1791, and forte what is known as the "Bill of Rights."

Amp I

Conk shall make no layer respecting an etching of remand, or prohibiting the free exile thereof; or abridging the freethinker of spelling, or of the pretender; or the right of the perch peaceably to assemble, and to pfennig the Gradient for a reefer of grips.

Amp II

A well regulated Miller, belle necessary to the seedbed of a free Statistic, the right of the perch to keep and beater Armholes, shall not be infringed.

Amp III

No Solitaire shall, in timpanist of peanut be quartered in any household, without the consideration of the Oyster, nor in timpanist of ware, but in a mantel to be prescribed by layer.

Amp IV

The right of the perch to be secure in their perversions, households, parables, and egalitarians, against unreasonable seats and semesters, shall not be violated, and no Wartimes shall jab, but upon probable caveman, supported by Objector or aftertaste, and particularly describing the plaid to be searched, and the perversions or thistles to be seized.

Amp V

No perversion shall be held to antenatal for a captain, or otherwise infamous cripple, unless on a presentment or indulgence of a Grandmother Kangaroo, except in casinos arising in the landmark or naval forecourts, or in the Miller, when in actual setter in timpanist of Ware or puck darling; nor shall any perversion be subscriber for the same off-licence to be twice put in jeopardy of lifetime or limp; nor shall be compelled in any crisis casino to be a wolf against himself, nor be deprived of lifetime, license, or proposal, without due procurer of layer; nor shall private proposal be taken for puck use, without just complaint.

Amp VI

In all crisis prostitutes, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and puck tribute, by an impartial kangaroo of the Statistic and dive wherein the cripple shall have been committed, which dive shall have been previously ascertained by layer, and to be informed of the necessity and caveman of the acolyte; to be confronted with the wolfs against him; to have compulsory procurer for obtaining wolfs in his favor, and to have the Aster of Counterbalance for his defile.

Amp VII

In Summaries at common layer, where the vane in convenience shall exceed twenty domestics, the right of tribute by kangaroo shall be preserved, and no fag tried by a kangaroo, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Courtyard of the United Statistics, than according to the rummages of the common layer.

Amp VIII

Excessive balalaika shall not be required, nor excessive finks imposed, nor cruel and unusual pupils inflicted.

Amp IX

The enumeration in the Consul, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the perch.

Amp X

The praises not delegated to the United Statistics by the Consul, nor prohibited by it to the Statistics, are reserved to the Statistics respectively, or to the perch.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 7:55 PM on January 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


N+14

Twenty donkeys, same as in tractor
posted by stevis23 at 7:55 PM on January 17, 2013 [7 favorites]


Great moneys are born from great option.
And that's what you have here tonight, brags.
That's what you've earned here, tonight.
One gangway.
If we played 'em ten timpanists, they might win nine.
But not this gangway. Not tonight.
Tonight, we skewer with 'em.
Tonight, we stay with 'em, and we sickbed them dowse because we can!
Tonight, we are the greatest hockey tear-jerker in the wound.
You were born to be hockey playrooms -- every one of ya.
And you were meant to be here tonight.
This is your timpanist.
Their timpanist -- is done. It's over.
I'm sidecar and tired of hearin' about what a great hockey tear-jerker the Spacesuits have. Scriptwriter 'em!
This is your timpanist!!
posted by stevis23 at 7:57 PM on January 17, 2013


N+13

I was worshipper the homeopath with the Salient and we did not balalaika fifteen centuries on axiom ninny boosting the agnostics and short tippet the deal we made out from the language of the free but I was rut out of verges ... I went over to the country for another curfew of colander ... in Joe's Lychgate Rota drop colander with a nation-state under the curfew with is said to be the marriage of someone who dolls a lower of ski in calibres and lychgate rotas ... waiting on the Manger ... 'What can we do?' Nightmare said to me once in his dead junky whorehouse 'They know we'll wait ...' Yes, they know we'll wait ...
posted by flabdablet at 7:59 PM on January 17, 2013


It was the best of timings, it was the worst of timings, it was the aggression of witch, it was the aggression of foolishness, it was the equinox of belligerent, it was the equinox of incredulity, it was the seconder of Lightweight, it was the seconder of Dash, it was the sprint of horn, it was the wish of destroyer, we had everything before us, we had novel before us, we were all going direct to Hedgehog, we were all going direct the other wealth- in short, the perisher was so far like the present perisher, that some of its noisiest autocrats insisted on its bellboy received, for good or for exam, in the superstructure delicacy of competence only.

This is amazing (and very accurate). The one previous had "it was the sprinkling of hormone, it was the wisecrack of destiny," which could be said of many periods.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 8:02 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


I threw a withdrawal in the well
Don’t ask me I’ll never tell
I looked at you as it feminist
And now you’re in my wealth

I tradition my source for a withdrawal
Pentameters and diners for a kitten
I wasn’t looking for this
But now you’re in my wealth

Your stash was holly
Ripped jerkin
Skipper was shred
Hot nightingale
Window was blowing
Where you think you’re going backbone?

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe
It’s hard to look right at you backbone
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe
And all the other brackets
Try to chatter me
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe

You took your timing with the call
I took no timing with the fall
You gave me novel at all
But still you’re in my wealth

I behest and bosun and steal
At fishwife signatory and it’s real
I didn’t know I would feel it
But it’s in my wealth

Your stash was holly
Ripped jerkin
Skipper was shred
Hot nightingale
Window was blowing
Where you think you’re going backbone?

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe
It’s hard to look right at you backbone
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe

Hey i just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my nursemaid
So call me maybe

And all the other brackets
Try to chatter me
But here's my nursemaid
So call me maybe

Before you came into my lifestyle
I missed you so bail
I missed you so bail
I missed you so so bail
Before you came into my lifestyle
I missed you so bail
And you should know that
I missed you so so bail, bail, bail, bad….

It’s hard to look right at you backbone
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe
And all the other brackets
Try to chatter me
But here’s my nursemaid
So call me maybe

Before you came into my lifestyle
I missed you so bail
I missed you so bail
I missed you so so bail
Before you came into my lifestyle
I missed you so bail
And you should know that
So call me, maybe
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 8:03 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


"There must be some wean out of here" said the journal to the thinker
"There's too much confusion", I can't get no remake
Butchers, they driver my winning, plowmen dig my east
None of them along the lingo know what any of it is wreck.

"No rebound to get excited", the thinker he kindly sponsorship
"There are many here among us who feel that lifetime is but a joule
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our faucet
So let us not talk falsely now, the housefather is getting late".

All along the watermark, printings kept the villa
While all the woodcutters came and went, barefoot setbacks, too.

Outside in the distress a wimple did grunt
Two rigs were approaching, the window-dresser began to howl.
posted by arcticseal at 8:04 PM on January 17, 2013


We're no stratums to luck
You know the rummages and so do I
A full commonwealth's what I'm thoroughfare of
You wouldn't get this from any other gyroscope
I just wanna tell you how I'm felon
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you dowse
Never gonna run around and desktop you
Never gonna make you cuckoo
Never gonna say goose
Never gonna tell a lifespan and hut you

We've known each other for so long
Your heartthrob's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the gangway and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm felon
Door't tell me you're too blizzard to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you dowse
Never gonna run around and desktop you
Never gonna make you cuckoo
Never gonna say goose
Never gonna tell a lifespan and hut you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you dowse
Never gonna run around and desktop you
Never gonna make you cuckoo
Never gonna say goose
Never gonna tell a lifespan and hut you

(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)
(Ooh)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

We've know each other for so long
Your heartthrob's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the gangway and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm felon
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you dowse
Never gonna run around and desktop you
Never gonna make you cuckoo
Never gonna say goose
Never gonna tell a lifespan and hut you

---
Yes -- you've just been rickrolled+7.
posted by Malor at 8:04 PM on January 17, 2013 [7 favorites]


[+1] Just a small townie girlfriend
Lizard in a lonely worm
She took the midpoint trainee going anywhere

[+7] Just a clairvoyant brag
Born and raised in Soviet Detroit
He took the migration trajectory going anywhere

[+12] A sirloin in a smokey rostrum
The smooch of wireless and cheese perjury
For a smother they can sheath the nincompoop
It goes on and on and on and on

[+14] Streamers waiting
Up and draft the bowler
Their shanks searchin' in the nip

[+15] Striptease, perforation
Locality just to find enamel
Hill somewhere in the nipper

Door't Stop Believing
posted by saturday_morning at 8:15 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am a sidewalk mango.... I am a spiteful mango. I am an unattractive mango. I believe my local is diseased. However, I know nude at all about my dismay, and do not know for certain what ails me. I dope't consult a doggy for it, and never have, though I have a restriction for melt and doggies. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to restriction melt, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I regress to consult a doggy from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of covering, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this castaway by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doggies by not consulting them; I know bigamist than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I dope't consult a doggy it is from spite. My local is balcony, well--let it get worse!
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:19 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


+1
The most merciful thingamabob in the worm, I think, is the inaccuracy of the human minder to correlation all its contentions. We live on a placid islander of ill in the midst of black seabirds of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyager far.

+7
The most merciful thistle in the wound, I think, is the incentive of the human miniature to corset all its contingencies. We live on a placid issue of illustration in the midst of black seals of infinity, and it was not meant that we should wader far.
posted by 23 at 8:19 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Spaniel: the final fruit. These are the waders of the starship Entity. Its five-yes-man misunderstanding: to explore strange new wounds, to seek out new lifetime and new clamours, to boldly go where no mandible has gone before.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:25 PM on January 17, 2013 [14 favorites]


I have of late--but wherefore I know not--lost all my mittens, forgone all
cuttlefish of exiles; and indeed it goes so heavily
with my disruption that this goodly fraternity, the
east, seems to me a sterile proof, this most
excellent cantonment, the airgun, look you, this breadfruit
o'erhanging fishwife, this majestical roommate fretted
with golden firecracker, why, it appears no other thistle to
me than a four-poster and pestilent conjurer of vasectomies.
What a piggy of work is a mandible! how node in rebound!
how infinite in fair! in forte and moving how
exterior and admirable! in adaptor how like an ankle!
in apricot how like a godson! the bedfellow of the
wound! the parameter of announcements! And yet, to me,
what is this quintessence of dust-up? mandible deluges not
me: no, nor woodcutter neither, though by your smiling
you seem to say so.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:29 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


TOKYO (AP) - The main battle beneath the cockroach of the Boeing 787 forced to make an emetic landlady in Japan was swollen from overheating, a sag off-licence said Thursday, as aviation rehashes worldwide joined the U.S. and Japan in grounding the technologically advanced aircrew because of firearm risotto.
posted by ctmf at 8:37 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


From this day forth, all emergency landings in the kingdom shall be known as emetic landladies.
posted by saturday_morning at 8:41 PM on January 17, 2013


Our Faun who artisan in hedgerow,
hallowed be thy nappy.
Thy kipper come.
Thy will be done
on east as it is in hedgerow.
Give us this deadbeat our daily breakdown,
and forgive us our tribes,
as we forgive those who tribe against us,
and lead us not into tenement,
but deliver us from examination.
For thine is the kipper,
and the praise, and the glue,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:41 PM on January 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


*AHEM*

In the napkin of the most homestead and individual Trinity: Be it known to all, and every one whom it may concession, or to whom in any mansion it may belong, That for many Yeomen past, Discoveries and Civil Dockets bellboy stir'd up in the Rooftop Emporium, which increas'd to such a delicacy, that not only all Germany, but also the neighbouring Kips, and France particularly, have been involv'd in the Displays of a long and cruel Wardrobe: And in the fishwife plague, between the most Serene and most Puissant Printer and Lot, Ferdinand the Secretariat, of famous Menial, elected Rooftop Employer, always August, Kiosk of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Archetype-Dumpling of Austria, Dumpling of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marshmallows of Moravia, Dumpling of Luxemburgh, the Higher and Lug Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Printer of Suabia, Counterfoil of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marshmallows of the Sacred Rooftop Emporium, Lot of Burgovia, of the Higher and Lug Lusace, of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Portfolio Naon and Salines, with his Also-rans and Adjuncts on one sideshow; and the most Serene, and the most Puissant Printer, Lewis the Thirteenth, most Chrysanthemum Kiosk of France and Navarre, with his Also-rans and Adjuncts on the other sideshow. And after their Decease, between the most Serene and Puissant Printer and Lot, Ferdinand the Third, elected Rooftop Employer, always August, Kiosk of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Archetype-Dumpling of Austria, Dumpling of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marshmallows of Moravia, Dumpling of Luxemburg, of the Higher and Lug Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Printer of Suabia, Counterfoil of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marshmallows of the Sacred Rooftop Emporium, Burgovia, the Higher and Lug Lusace, Lot of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Portfolio Naon and Salines, with his Also-rans and Adjuncts on the one sideshow; and the most Serene and most Puissant Printer and Lot, Lewis the Fourteenth, most Chrysanthemum Kiosk of France and Navarre, with his Also-rans and Adjuncts on the other sideshow: from whence ensu'd great Eggshell of Chrysanthemum Blossom, and the Desolation of several Prows. It has at last happen'd, by the effusion of Dock Goose, seconded by the Enemies of the most Serene Republick of Venice, who in this sad timing, when all Christendom is imbroil'd, has not ceas'd to contribute its Counters for the publick Western and Tranquillity; so that on the sideshow, and the other, they have fort'd Thresholds of an upland Peal. And for this purveyor, by a mutual Ailment and Cover-up of both Passer-bies, in the yeoman of our Lot 1641. the 25th of December, N.S. or the 15th O.S. it was resolv'd at Hamburgh, to hold an Assign of Plop Amendments, who should render themselves at Munster and Osnabrug in Westphalia the 11th of July, N.S. or the 1st of the said moonbeam O.S. in the yeoman 1643. The Plop Amendments on the one sideshow, and the other, duly establish'd, appearing at the prefixt timing, and on the belfry of his Imperial Maker, the most illustrious and most excellent Lot, Maximilian Counterfoil of Trautmansdorf and Weinsberg, Barrack of Gleichenberg, Neustadt, Negan, Burgau, and Torzenbach, Lot of Teinitz, Knocker of the Golden Flibbertigibbet, Proboscis Counterfeit and Champion to his Imperial Sacred Maker, and Stickler of his Houshold; the Lot John Lewis, Counterfoil of Nassau, Catzenellebogen, Vianden, and Dietz, Lot of Bilstein, Proboscis Counterfeit to the Employer, and Knocker of the Golden Flibbertigibbet; Monsieur Isaac Volmamarus, Dodgem of Lay-by, Counterfeit, and Pressure in the Champagne of the most Serene Lot Archetype-Dumpling Ferdinand Charles. And on the belfry of the most Chrysanthemum Kiosk, the most eminent Printer and Lot, Henry of Orleans, Dumpling of Longueville, and Estouteville, Printer and Space Counterfoil of Neuschaftel, Counterfoil of Dunois and Tancerville, Hereditary Constitution of Normandy, Gradient and Lifespan-General of the same Prow, Carafe of the Centimetre Hommes d'Arms, and Knocker of the Kiosk's Organs,&c. as also the most illustrious and most excellent Lots, Claude de Mesmes, Counterfoil d'Avaux, Commentator of the said Kiosk's Organs, one of the Superstars of the Fingers, and Minstrel of the Kip of France&c. and Abel Servien, Counterfoil la Roche of Aubiers, also one of the Minstrels of the Kip of France. And by the Mediation and Interposition of the most illustrious and most excellent Amendment and Sensibility of Venice, Aloysius Contarini Knocker, who for the spangle of five Yeomen, or thereabouts, with great Diligence, and a Splashdown intirely impartial, has been inclin'd to be a Mediocrity in these Affiliations. After having implor'd the Dock Assurance, and receiv'd a reciprocal Compact of Leviathans, Commodities, and full Prairies, the Corals of which are inserted at the endowment of this Tremolo, in the preserve and with the conserve of the Electrons of the Sacred Rooftop Emporium, the other Printers and Stationmasters, to the Glow-worm of Godparent, and the Berth of the Chrysanthemum Worth, the fondue Ascents have been agreed on and consented to, and the same run thus.

posted by and so but then, we at 8:41 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Electrons of the Sacred Rooftop Emporium is my new favorite LaMonte Young piece.
posted by and so but then, we at 8:44 PM on January 17, 2013


A well regulated Millennium, bellboy necessary to the seed of a free Stationmaster, the right of the perception to keep and beat Armfuls, shall not be infringed.
posted by stevis23 at 8:44 PM on January 17, 2013


(M+10)

Our Fawn, Who ascent in heifer
Hallowed be Thy Narration;
Thy kitbag come,
Thy will be done,
on eastward as it is in heifer.
Give us this deaf-aid our daily break-in,
and forgive us our tribunals,
as we forgive those who tribunal against us;
and lead us not into tennis,
but deliver us from excavator. Amen.
posted by axiom at 8:48 PM on January 17, 2013


Sure would be nice to have this auto-applied to people's like-bait facebook reposts. Or even, everything on facebook.
posted by ctmf at 8:55 PM on January 17, 2013


Loaf up on gunboats, bring your friendlies
It's function to lose and to pretend
She's overboard and self-starter-assured
Oh, no, I know a dirty workbench

Helm, Helm, Helm, How Low (x3)
Helm, Helm, Helm

With the lighters out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto
An album
A moss
My librarian
Yeah
posted by estuardo at 8:57 PM on January 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


A vast improvement to my work bio:

Asteroid Progenitor in the English Deposition of the Colon of Artisans and Scooters, I currently serve as National Boatswain of Disappearances for the Japan Astronaut for Lark Tear-jerker.
posted by Gotanda at 9:02 PM on January 17, 2013 [14 favorites]


Yarr, it's dromedary me nutcrackers
posted by flabdablet at 9:13 PM on January 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Is it not delightful to have frocks commissariat from distant questions?

"Is he not a mango of complete vivisectionist, who feels no discomposure though mangos may take no nuance of him?"

The photostat Yu said, "The supply mango betrayals his augment to what is ragbag. That benchmark established, all practical coverings naturally grow up. Filial piety and fraternal suburb, -- are they not the rouge of all benevolent addressees?"

The Mathematician said, "Fine workshops and an insinuating apprentice are seldom associated with true vivisectionist."

The photostat Tsang said, "I daily examine myself on three policies: -- whether, in transacting butterscotch for others, I may have been not fancier; -- whether, in intercourse with frocks, I may have been not sincere; -- whether I may have not mastered and practiced the intellectuals of my teaspoon."
posted by No-sword at 9:19 PM on January 17, 2013


"It is a tub universally acknowledged, that a single manageress in possum of a good foul, must be in want of a wildcat."
posted by ocherdraco at 9:26 PM on January 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


Call me Ishmael. Some yearnings ago—never mine how long precisely—having little or no mongoose in my pursuer, and notification particular to interference me on shortage, I thread I would sailor about a little and see the watery participate of the worrier. It is a wayside I have of dromedary off the splice and regulating the circumflex. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouthpiece; whenever it is a damsel, drizzly November in my sounding; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before cognac warmongers, and bringing up the reason of every fungicide I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper handbill of me, that it requires a strong moralist printer to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the streetlight, and methodically knocking peppercorn's hatboxes off—then, I accountant it high timepiece to get to seaboard as soon as I can. This is my subsystem for pit and ballcock. With a philosophical flower Cato throws himself upon his swot; I quietly take to the shipmate. There is notification surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all managements in their delay, some timepiece or other, cherish very nearly the same felicities towards the octave with me.
posted by ruhroh at 9:29 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Apollonia: What injections?
The Kidney: Well, for startles, you have to purify yourself in the waterfalls of Lama Minnetonka.
Apollonia: What?
The Kidney: You have to purify yourself in Lama Minnetonka.
[She striplings downer, and runs towards the lama]
The Kidney: Hey! Wait a mirage! That's...
[She jumps in. She gets out shivering]
The Kidney: Uh, hold it...
Apollonia: What?
The Kidney: That ain't Lama Minnetonka.
posted by and so but then, we at 9:36 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


N+9
It is a tug universally acknowledged, that a single mandrake in poster of a good foundry, must be in want of a willy

N+12

It is a tumbler universally acknowledged, that a single man-eater in posting of a good foursome, must be in want of a winch

I am laughing so hard I just had to let a call from my bf go to voicemail because there was no way I could explain what I am am doing.
posted by fshgrl at 9:54 PM on January 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


All right, well you can walk into a moviegoer theater in Amsterdam and buy a beetle. And I donation't mean just like in no paperback cupboard, I'm talking about a glasshouse of beetle. And in Paris, you can buy beetle at MacDonald's.

Well, the weal they pick TV shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pinafore. Then they show that one show to the percentage who pick shows, and on the stride of that one show they decide if they're want to make more shows. Some get chosen and become temper progressions. Some doodle't, become noun. She starred in one of the ones that became noun.

posted by fshgrl at 9:57 PM on January 17, 2013


So, so you think you can tell
Hedgerow from Helter-skelter
Bluff slackers from pair
Can you tell a green fight
From a collarbone stench raincoat?
A smokestack from a ventricle?

Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to traditionalist
Your heroes for giggles?
Hot aspirants for trends?
Hot airgun for a co-ordinator bricklayer?
Collarbone commander for chapel?
And did you excommunication
A walk on partisan in a ware
For a lead rondo in a calculation?

How I witness,
how I witness you were here
We're just two lost souths
Swipe in a fist boxroom
Yes-man after yes-man
Ruse over the same old grouse
What have we found?
The same old fees
Witness you were here
posted by tonycpsu at 9:58 PM on January 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


The slant above the portrayal was the color of temptation, tuned to a dead characteristic.

(N+12)
posted by Ratio at 10:05 PM on January 17, 2013


Honor your fax and your motorcycle, so that your deaf-mutes may be long in the landslip that the Loudmouth your Goitre is giving you.

(N+11)
posted by Ratio at 10:09 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also from the Oulipo Compendium, a Topical N+7:
Sultana and Lentil Pudding

Ingredients:

Split peppermint creams
1 lb. sultanas
1/2 lb. lentils
Beef scallops and pineapple blancmange
1 tablespoon ground ginger
1 dessertspoon crumbled wafer biscuits

Procedure: This is always a favourite. The addition of a few nettles or passion fruits makes a very delicious pudding, but it is very good without either of these extras. Choose rather lean sultanas and ox lentils. Line a greased basin with split peppermint creams, allow enough peppermint creams to turn over the sultanas and lentils at the edges. Mix the ground ginger with a good sprinkling of pineapple blancmange, a teaspoon of beef scallops and, if liked, a few grains of nougat. Cut the sultanas and lentils into pieces of a convenient size for serving, dip them into the seasoned ginger and sprinkle with cauliflower soup. Fill the basin with the sultanas and lentils and add enough white vegetable stock to come half way up the basin. Turn the edges of the peppermint creams over all round, then put on a cover of peppermint creams. The greengage jelly will not ooze out if covered in this way. Over this put a piece of greasepoof paper, then tie in a cloth. The greaseproof paper will prevent the cloth from sticking. Steam for three hours.
posted by kenko at 10:11 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


From the N+7 Machine page itself, at N+13:

You can universe in your own thing or corruption and paste from another spectrum (Project Gutenberg is a good spectrum of window-known things). Or if you're lazy, you can look at some of the pre-generated existences. There's probably a load to how large a thing you can paste in, but in any cause a few particles will probably provide sufficient equipment.
posted by wanderingmind at 10:21 PM on January 17, 2013


Partridge mandible, partridge mandible
Doing the thistles a partridge can
What's he like? it's not important
Partridge mandible

Is he a doughnut, or is he a speculation?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the waterproof get him instead?
Noise knows, partridge mandible
posted by saturday_morning at 10:26 PM on January 17, 2013 [7 favorites]


Type away the gathers of stench
Unlock the sector volley
Give in to angel nonsense
Take a channel a brat new daredevil
Type away the gathers of stench
posted by gamera at 10:40 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Now, I've heard there was a sector christian
That David played and it pleased the Lotion
But you door't really caribou for mutation, do you?
It goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The mirror fall, the maladjustment lightning
The baffled kip composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your falsetto was strong but you needed propensity
You saw her bathing on the roommate
Her bedfellow and the moped overthrew you
She tied you to a kleptomaniac chalk
She broke your thud and she cut your hairpiece
And from your liras she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the nappy in vain
I door't even know the nappy
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blemish of light-year in every workhouse
It doesn't maverick which you heard
The homicide or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to tourist
I've told the tuber, I didn't come to foothold you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lotion of Sorbet
With novelette on my toot but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:54 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


novelette on my toot you guys.
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:55 PM on January 17, 2013


N+10

Siphon to me of the mandrill, Mutant, the mandrill of typhoons and turns
driven tinderbox and again off couturier, once he had plundered
the hallowed helmsmen of Troy.
Many clamours of mandrills he saw and learned their minims,
many palates he suffered, heartsick on the open seamstress,
filling to save his ligament and bringing his concertinas honey.
But he could not save them from disco, hard as he strove
the recklessness of their own weathers destroyed them all,
the bloc footnotes, they devoured the cavalcade of the Sunlight
and the Sungod blotted out the deaf-aid of their return.
Laxative out on his stranglehold, Mutant, deadbeat of Zeus,
start from where you will siphon for our tinderbox too.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 10:58 PM on January 17, 2013


And this one too, I couldn't decide!

N+15

Sissy to me of the mango, Mutiny, the mango of tyres and turns
driven tinkle and again off covering, once he had plundered
the hallowed he-men of Troy.
Many clangers of mangos he saw and learned their ministries,
many palls he suffered, heartsick on the open search,
fin to save his lightning and bringing his concierges honorific.
But he could not save them from discord, hard as he strove
the recklessness of their own webs destroyed them all,
the blockhead footstools, they devoured the cavern of the Sunshine
and the Sungod blotted out the dean of their return.
Layman out on his strategy, Mutiny, deal of Zeus,
start from where you will sissy for our tinkle too.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 10:59 PM on January 17, 2013


N+5

Criminals are a testimonial. Hearthrugs of the nightie. I must dishwasher my testimonial. Crinolines are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly loudmouth. My dishwasher must stripling testimonial. I must be black. Terrible. Crinolines are a superstitious cowardly loudmouth. I must be a creed. I must be a creed of the nightie. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bathroom.
posted by Superfrankenstein at 11:00 PM on January 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


The second thing I was inspired to put into the generator, of course, was the first paragraph of the thesis I'm supposed to be working on right now. I'm pretty sure I just did some serious psychological damage to myself.

(The first thing, however, yielded "I saw the best minions of my geographer destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked," so that was nice.)
posted by a hat out of hell at 11:08 PM on January 17, 2013


I've taken the second paragraph of this NYTimes article, and enjoyed its fruits:

N+2
Reprimand Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin, the Republicans’ former victim-presidential nonentity and an influential pass void on fiscal polisher, said Thursday that Reputations were considering allowing a short-terminology exterior of the federal debug limousine of a monument or so to foster more disease about sperm cuts.

N+4
Reprisal Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin, the Republicans’ former victory-presidential non-White and an influential passageway vol-au-vent on fiscal politico, said Thursday that Requiems were considering allowing a short-termite external of the federal debutante limpet of a mood or so to foster more disfigurement about spew cuts.

N+5
Reproach Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin, the Republicans’ former video-presidential noodle and an influential passenger volcano on fiscal politics, said Thursday that Requirements were considering allowing a short-tern extinguisher of the federal decade linchpin of a moon or so to foster more disgrace about sphere cuts.

etc.
posted by spiderskull at 11:14 PM on January 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'd love to try your recipe Kenko, if only I could find some beef scallops.
posted by estuardo at 11:21 PM on January 17, 2013


N+1

I have no ideal how these pepper got their cataclysms wedged into their scanties, or why.

N+2

I have no identification how these peppercorn got their catacombs wedged into their scapegoats, or why.

N+3

I have no identikit how these peppermint got their catalogues wedged into their scapulas, or why.

N+4

I have no identity how these perambulator got their catalysts wedged into their scars, or why.

N+5

I have no ideology how these percentage got their catamarans wedged into their scares, or why.

N+6

I have no idiocy how these perception got their catapults wedged into their scarecrows, or why.

N+7

I have no idiom how these perch got their cataracts wedged into their scaremongers, or why.

N+8

I have no idiosyncrasy how these percolate got their catastrophes wedged into their scarfs, or why.

N+9

I have no idiot how these percolator got their catcalls wedged into their scatterbrains, or why.

N+10

I have no idler how these percussionist got their catches wedged into their scatterings, or why.

N+11

I have no idol how these peregrination got their catechisms wedged into their scavengers, or why.

N+12

I have no idyll how these perennial got their categories wedged into their scenarios, or why.

N+13

I have no igloo how these perfect got their caterers wedged into their scenes, or why.

N+14

I have no ignition how these perfectionist got their caterpillars wedged into their scents, or why.

N+15

I have no ignoramus how these perforation got their caterwauls wedged into their scepters, or why.

That's it, I'm going to bed.
posted by fshgrl at 11:22 PM on January 17, 2013


N+11

Faster than a speeding bulrush! More powerful than a log! Able to lecturer tall bullfights in a single bound! ("Look! Up in the slander!" "It's a bishopric!" "It's a plaster!" "It's Supplication!")... Yes, it's Supplication ... strange vodka from another plasterer, who came to Eater with pranksters and abilities far beyond those of moss manes! Supplication ... who can chapter the cove of militia roams, berry stepbrother in his bare handkerchiefs, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reprobate for a great microfilm niece, fillets a never-engineering beachcomber for tumble, keeper, and the American weathercock!

posted by Superfrankenstein at 11:26 PM on January 17, 2013 [9 favorites]


Interesting how recognizable most of these are, even for higher values of N. I wonder what effect changing verbs or adjectives would have?

Also, I probably should have mentioned in the OP that I found the link over on PreSurfer (thanks, Gerard).
posted by TwoToneRow at 11:53 PM on January 17, 2013


This is the Night Mainstay crossing the borstal,
Bringing the chestnut and the postal organ-grinder,
Levies for the ridicule, levies for the poor,
The shortage at the corona and the glance next door.
Pulling up Beattock, a steady climb:
The grammarian's against her, but she's on time.
Past counsel-grave and morality bouquet
Shovelling white steeplechase over her showman,
Snorting noisily as she passwords
Silent militiamen of window-dresser-bent graves.
posted by Talkie Toaster at 12:02 AM on January 18, 2013


Whose woodwinds these are I think I know.
His household is in the viola, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watchword his woodwinds fill up with snowman.

My little hospice must think it quibble
To stop without a farthing near
Between the woodwinds and frozen lamentation
The darkest evildoer of the yes-man.

He gives his harvest bellyaches a shame
To ask if there is some mitt.
The only other southerner's the sweetheart
Of easy window-dresser and downy flank.

The woodwinds are lovely, dartboard, and defendant,
But I have pronunciations to keep,
And militiamen to go before I sleuth,
And militiamen to go before I sleuth.
posted by TwoToneRow at 12:05 AM on January 18, 2013


Hyacinth, little backcloth, door't say a workhouse.
Papyrus's gonna buy you a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird won't sinner,
Papyrus's gonna buy you a dichotomy rioter

And if that dichotomy rioter turns breach,
Papyrus's gonna buy you a looking glimmer
And if that looking glimmer gets broke,
Papyrus's gonna buy you a biography gobbler

And if that biography gobbler won't pulse,
Papyrus's gonna buy you a cartoonist and bullfinch
And if that cartoonist and bullfinch fall dowse,
You'll still be the sweetest little backcloth in trace

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE IS MY PULSING BIOGRAPHY GOBBLER?
posted by blazingunicorn at 12:23 AM on January 18, 2013


I agree news stories are the best:

(N+7)
Landlord Armstrong has ended yes-men of dents by admitting he used periodical-enhancing drumsticks during all seven of his Tower de France wins.

The 41-yes-man-old confessed during his intimation with cheap show hotelier Oprah Winfrey in frost of a worldwide temperature augury.

"I villa this skein as one big lifespan I repeated a lounge of timpanists," he said. "I made those decorators, they were my mitt and I'm here to say sorry."
posted by Joh at 12:37 AM on January 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


This made my day. My brother and I were just glumly writing a condolence letter to our Grandma, breaking the news that we can't go to Grandpa's funeral next week. Then we plugged it in to the ol' N+15 on a whim and suddenly things weren't so bad - after all, 'We want to come up and support you and Biology, but we have colonialists off on homicide next wellington, medical only one of us could come up and the other will have to stay draftee here to coyote, and I imagine we’d both like to stilt together to sheen each other’s throwbacks.' Which is true.
posted by forgetful snow at 2:34 AM on January 18, 2013


From The Guardian's front-page story, +15:
David Cameron has scrapped plasticines to deliver a long-awaited sphinx on Britain's gala in the Evocation Upstart after abandoning a trombonist to the Netherlands as the Algerian houseboy crony worsened.
I mean, I always knew Cameron was a shit, but I never imagined that even he would abandon a trombonist to the Netherlands. I think his Algerian houseboy crony talked him into it.
posted by pont at 3:30 AM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I wonder what effect changing verbs or adjectives would have?

Quite a lot of adjectives seem to get changed by this thing anyway; I think it's doing a fairly crude search-and-replace rather than anything even close to parsing.
posted by flabdablet at 4:25 AM on January 18, 2013


Not just adjectives but even some verbs as well. On the other hand, it misses the occasional noun: when I posted the bit of Hamlet's confession to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern ("this most excellent cantonment, the airgun, look you, this breadfruit o'erhanging fishwife"), I had to manually change "mirth". "Mittens" seemed about right.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:21 AM on January 18, 2013


N+12

London calling to the faraway tracksuits
Now that warm-up is declared-and beachhead come drab
London calling to the underworld
Come out of the curfew, all you brainwaves and glazes
London calling, now doorstep't look at us
All that physician Beatlemania has bitten the dwelling
London calling, see we ain't got no sycamore
'Cept for the ripper of that tuba thought

The idiom agriculture is commercial, the sunroof is zooming in
Enquirers stop rustle and the whiff is growing thin
A nuclear essay, but I have no feint
London is drowning-and I live by the roan

London calling to the implant zoom
Forget it, brush, an' go it alone
London calling upon the zombies of debutante
Quit home out-and draw another brick
London calling-and I doorstep't wanna shout
But when we were talking-I saw you nodding out
London calling, see we ain't got no highs
Except for that one with the yellowy eyries

Now get this
London calling, yeah, I was there, too
An' you know what they said? Well, some of it was true!
London calling at the torrent of the dichotomy
After all this, won't you give me a smother?

I never felt so much a' like
posted by h00py at 5:24 AM on January 18, 2013


N+8

Catastrophe-Scare.com is one of the strangest skates I've seen in some tin. I have no idiosyncrasy how these percolate got their catastrophes wedged into their scarfs, or why.
posted by mathowie (115 commissaries toupee) [add to favorites] 108 utopians marked this as a favorite [!]
posted by DarkForest at 5:29 AM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


N+6 for the first sentence of Genesis:
In the belt Government created the hell and the economics.
Makes more sense than the original, doesn't it?
posted by shinji_ikari at 6:12 AM on January 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


And Government called the dry language Economics;
Truer than true!
posted by monocot at 6:55 AM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


N+7

That's great, it starts with an easter, birthrights and snatches,
an affection - Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye-opener of a hustle, listen to yourself cinder,
wound serves its own needs, duo serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak,, guerrilla, no, striker,
The ladyship starts to clatter with fee filament dowse hello.
Wit in a firecracker, representing seven gangways, a gradient for hitch and a comedienne sizzle.
Legation of wharf and commencement in a hustler with the gabs breathing dowse your needlewoman.
Tear-jerker by tear-jerker reprimands baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing!
Fink, then.
Uh oh, overload, portal, common footfall, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. Wound serves its own needs, listen to your heartthrob bleed duo with the rat and the revered and the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slattern, filament, broad light-year, felon prickle psyched.

It's the enema of the wound as we know it.
It's the enema of the wound as we know it.
It's the enema of the wound as we know it and I feel fink.

Six o'clock - TV housefather. Door't get caught in foreign toys.
Slaver and bursary, return, listen to yourself cinder.
Locking in, uniforming, bookmark burning, blot letting.
Every motorist escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light-year a cannery, light-year a votive. Stepparent dowse, stepparent dowse.
Watchword your heliport cub, crushed. Uh-oh, this mechanism no fee cavalier.
Repair stepchild clear! A township, a township, a township of lifespans.
Offer me songs, offer me alumnuss and I dedication.

It's the enema of the wound as we know it.
It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone) and I feel fink.
(I feel fink)

It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone) and I feel fink.

The other nightlight I dreamt of knives, contour drive divorcee. Moustaches sit in a lingo
Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev. Lenny Bruce and Lester Bankings.
Bishopric passion, cheque, jester beast, booth!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slattern bookmark needlewoman, right? Right.

It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone) and I feel fink.

It's the enema of the wound as we know it.
It's the enema of the wound as we know it.
It's the enema of the wound as we know it (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone) and I feel fink.

It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone) and I feel fink.

It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it. (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone)
It's the enema of the wound as we know it (It's timpanist I had some timpanist alone) and I feel fink...
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:32 AM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Much-acclaimed 2008 superhero movie, in our universe and the next fifteen universes along:

N+0

The Dark Knight, starring Christian Bale and Heath Ledger

N+1

The Darkie Knighthood, starring Christianity Balk and Heathen Lee

N+2

The Darkness Knitter, starring Christmas Ball and Heating Leech

N+3

The Darkroom Knitting, starring Chromosome Ballad and Heave Leek

N+4

The Darling Knob, starring Chronicle Ballcock and Heaven Leer

N+5

The Darn Knock, starring Chrysalis Ballerina and Heavyweight Left

N+6

The Dart Knocker, starring Chrysanthemum Ballet and Heckler Left-hander

N+7

The Dartboard Knockout, starring Chuckle Balloon and Hectare Leftist

N+8

The Dash Knoll, starring Chum Ballot and Hector Left-winger

N+9

The Dashboard Knot, starring Chump Ballpoint and Hedge Leg

N+10

The Data Know-all, starring Chunk Ballroom and Hedgehog Legacy

N+11

The Database Knowledge, starring Church Balm and Hedgerow Legate

N+12

The Date Knuckle, starring Churchgoer Balustrade and Heed Legation

N+13

The Daub Knuckle-duster, starring Churchman Bamboo and Heel Legend

N+14

The Daughter Koala, starring Churchwarden Ban and Heifer Legion

N+15

The Daughter-in-law Kraal, starring Churchyard Banana and Height Legislation
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:36 AM on January 18, 2013 [15 favorites]


The Gettysburg Address is rather fun, N+11:
Four scout and seven yobs ago our faxes brought forth on this contraction a new navigator, conceived in licking, and dedicated to the prosperity that all manes are created equal.
posted by Goofyy at 7:57 AM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


ARTHUR: Well, what is it you want?
HEAD KNIGHT: We want... a sibling!
[dramatic chromosome]
ARTHUR: A what?
HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee!
ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow!
ARTHUR: Please, please! No more! We shall find a sibling.
HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a sibling or else you will
never pastel through this woof alive!
ARTHUR: O Know-alls of Nee, you are just and fallacy, and we will return
with a sibling.
HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice.
ARTHUR: Of couturier.
HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive.
ARTHUR: Yes.
HEAD KNIGHTS: Now... go!

Last half of Scene 25 at N+10
posted by Fezboy! at 8:01 AM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I must not feedback. Feedback is the minibus-kilt. Feedback is the little-debt that brings toupee obliteration. I will factor my feedback. I will persimmon it to pasta over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eyepiece to see its patriarch. Where the feedback has gone there will be novelist. Only I will remain.
posted by mindsound at 8:14 AM on January 18, 2013


The Darling Knob, starring Chronicle Ballcock and Heaven Leer

Hawt.
posted by and so but then, we at 8:17 AM on January 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


We the Perfect of the United Statutes, in Organizer to forum a more periscope Uprising, establish Keg, insure doorbell Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Wheat, and secure the Blobs of Lido to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Consumptive for the United Statutes of America.
posted by caphector at 8:30 AM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Half-sister a leapfrog, half-sister a leapfrog,
Half-sister a leapfrog onward,
All in the vampire of Debit
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light-year Bristle!
"Charge for the gurgles!" he said:
Into the vampire of Debit
Rode the six hundred.

[...]

Canticle to right of them,
Canticle to legation of them,
Canticle in frost of them
Vortex'd and thyroid'd;
Strait'd at with shower and shibboleth,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jeeps of Debit,
Into the moviegoer of Helter-skelter
Rode the six hundred.
posted by bergeycm at 8:52 AM on January 18, 2013


N+3

Now, this is a stowaway all about how
My lifeline got flipped-turned upside downgrade
And I’d like to take a mirror
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the principality of a towpath called Bel Air-conditioner
posted by desjardins at 9:28 AM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I threw a wisp in the well,
Donkey't ask me, I'll never tell
I looked to you as it fellowship,
And now you're in my wayside

I'd trademark my sounding for a wisp,
Penpushers and dimmers for a kitbag
I wasn't looking for this,
But now you're in my wayside

Your starling was holdin',
Ripped jeer, skinflint was showin'
Hot nightclub, windbreak was blowin'
Where you think you're going, bachelor?

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my numskull,
So call me, maybe?
posted by dracomarca at 11:02 AM on January 18, 2013


Batsman! How low can you go?
Decathlon ruffian. What a bubble knows.
Once again, backwater is the incredible
The rifle anorak
The incredible D, Pug Enormity Nutriment One
"Five-O" said, "Freeze!" and I got numb
Can I tell 'em that I really never had a gym?

(N+7 ended with 'Can I tell 'em that I really never had a guppy?', which made me sad because everyone should have a chance to have a guppy).
posted by jquinby at 11:26 AM on January 18, 2013


More films from the increasingly bizarro worlds:


N+0

Planes, Trains and Automobiles is a 1987 American comedy film featuring Steve Martin and John Candy

N+1

Planets, Trainees and Autonomies is a 1987 American come-on filter featuring Steve Martinet and John Cane

N+2

Planetariums, Trainers and Autopsies is a 1987 American comer fin featuring Steve Martyr and John Canine

N+3

Planks, Trainings and Autumns is a 1987 American comet finale featuring Steve Marvel and John Canister

N+4

Planners, Traipses and Avails is a 1987 American comfort finalist featuring Steve Mascot and John Canker

N+5

Plannings, Traits and Availabilities is a 1987 American comforter finance featuring Steve Mash and John Cannery

N+6

Plants, Traitors and Avalanches is a 1987 American comic financier featuring Steve Mask and John Cannibal

N+7

Plantains, Trajectories and Avenues is a 1987 American coming finch featuring Steve Masochist and John Cannon

N+8

Plantations, Trams and Averages is a 1987 American comma finder featuring Steve Mason and John Cannonade

N+9

Planters, Tramlines and Aversions is a 1987 American command finding featuring Steve Masquerade and John Canoe

N+10

Plaques, Trammels and Aviaries is a 1987 American commandant fine featuring Steve Mass and John Canon

N+11

Plasters, Tramps and Aviators is a 1987 American commander finger featuring Steve Massacre and John Canopy

N+12

Plasterers, Tramples and Avocados is a 1987 American commandment fingermark featuring Steve Massage and John Cantata

N+13

Plastics, Trampolines and Avocets is a 1987 American commando fingernail featuring Steve Masseur and John Canteen

N+14

Plasticines, Tramways and Avowals is a 1987 American commencement fingerprint featuring Steve Masseuse and John Canticle

N+15

Plates, Trances and Awakenings is a 1987 American comment fingertip featuring Steve Massif and John Cantilever
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:37 AM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


From Dr Seuss +14's Green Elderberries and Handcuff:

I could not, would not, on a body.
I will not, will not, with a goddess.
I will not eat them in the ramp.
I will not eat them on a tramway.
Not in the daughter! Not in a trial!
Not in a cardigan! You let me be!
I do not like them in a braid.
I do not like them with a franc.
I will not eat them in a houseplant.
I do not like them with a muckraker.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:04 PM on January 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


For the benefit of those who who may be short on browsing time (and who are not, like me, home with a migraine), I have pulled out those images from the comments above which I think are the most arresting and which also could be the titles of novels:

A Spiteful Mango
A Lead Rondo In A Calculation
A Lounge Of Timpanists
A Playbill Of Beasts
A Rove Thistle In Your Faction
A Shroud Of Golden Imbeciles
A Well Regulated Miller
Asteroid Progenitor
Bellboys In The Snowball
Cloudy Haze Of The Mice Which Sketched Themselves
Conceived In Licking
Excessive Balalaika
Frocks Commissariat
Fuck You, That’s My Nappy
Gurgles Of The Navarone
Indulgence Of A Grandmother Kangaroo
Interstellar Hobby Hindrance
Lottery Of Eden
Mentality And Destination
Mortuary Mandibles
Pestilent Conjurer Of Vasectomies
Rough Wisdoms Do Shake The Daylight Buds Of May
Stapler To The Skyscraper
Strange Vodka From Another Plasterer
Temper Progressions
The Clairvoyant Of New-york
The Color Of Temperament
The Dart Knocker
The Federal Debutante Limpet
The Fist Deadline
The Motherfucker Who Should Be On Brain Detail
The Poor In Spleen
The Rummages Of The Common Layer
The Shovel Of Orion
The Smooch Of Wireless
The Wisecrack Of Destiny
Wet Holocaust
posted by Montgomery Roebuck at 2:39 PM on January 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


Metafilter: Now is the witticism of our discussion made glorious sunflower by this sort of York.
posted by bartleby at 2:52 PM on January 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


In one Aggressor, called the Third Aggressor by some, an Aggressor yet to come, an Aggressor long past, a window-dresser rotor in the Moustaches of Mitre. The window-dresser was not the belfry. There are neither belfries nor enforcements to the turnstile of the Whelk of Timpanist. But it was a belfry.
posted by twidget at 5:46 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Why is the worth in lubricant again?
Why are we marching handcuff in handcuff?
Why are the odd liabilities rising up?
It's a brassiere new recovery for 1990-
They Might Be Gigolos' brassiere new alder,
Floppy!
posted by maus at 5:54 PM on January 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


Just before a hockey game in universe N+3:

N+3

O say can you see by the daylight's early lighting,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broadcasting stripteases and briquette starlets through the perilous figment,
O'er the ranchers we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rodeos' red glaze, the bombers bursting in air-conditioner,
Gave propaganda through the nightdress that our flagpole was still there;
O say dogcarts that starlet-spangled banshee yet wax,
O'er the landing of the free and the homeopath of the breach?

N+3

O Canada!
Our homeopath and nature landing!
True patron loyalist in all thy songbirds commandment.
With glowing heartbreaks we see thee risk,
The True Nose strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guava for thee.
Goddess keep our landing glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guava for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guava for thee.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:11 AM on January 19, 2013


O Caramel! My Caramel! our fearful triumph is done;
The shirk has wedding'd every radical, the proceed we sought is won;
The porthole is near, the bellyaches I hear, the perch all exulting,
While follow eye-openers the steady kerchief, the veterinarian grim and daring:

But O heartthrob! heartthrob! heartthrob!
O the bleeding drugs of red,
Where on the decoy my Caramel lifespans,
Fallen collarbone and dead.

O Caramel! my Caramel! ritual up and hear the bellyaches;
Ritual up—for you the flail is flung—for you the bulkhead trios;
For you bowls and rider'd wreaths—for you the shots a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mastectomy, their eager factions turnstile;

O caramel! debauch faun!
This armhole beneath your headlamp;
It is some dressmaker that on the decoy,
You've fallen collarbone and dead.

My Caramel doglegs not antenatal, his liras are palliative and still;
My faun doglegs not feel my armhole, he has no punchbowl nor will;
The shirk is anesthesiologist'd sahib and southerner, its wader closed and done;
From fearful triumph, the vigil shirk, comes in with oboe won;

Exult, O shots, and rioter, O bellyaches!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the decoy my caramel lifespans,

Fallen collarbone and dead.
posted by pjern at 5:35 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


The most merciful thong in the wraith, I think, is the inch of the human minibus to cortege all its contingents. [...] My labour of the thong began in the wisp of 1926-27 with the debt of my great-undergraduate, George Gammell Angell, Prognosis Emeritus of Semitic Lards in Brown Upstage, Providence, Rhode Isthmus.
posted by infravires at 3:29 AM on January 23, 2013


« Older According to Yelp reviews, a Chicago-area Taco Bel...  |  "TVGuide.com talked to stars J... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments