"I steal every good idea."

January 18, 2013 3:58 AM

What 'creative' types want us to think they feel bad about. Like the bathroom door confessions of yore but on the internet and you can vote to absolve or condemn each confession. Curiously, confessions about stealing other people's ideas almost all get more 'condemn' votes.
posted by From Bklyn (66 comments total)

My like of some of these is outweighed by the confusion of others. Like "Advertising is a joke with no punchline." What do the "absolve" and "condemn" buttons mean here? Am I absolving him for thinking that? Condemning advertising? Is it just an agree/disagree thing?
posted by DU at 4:06 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

I've done copywriting for a tobacco company, alcohol brands and a few casinos. My puns have destroyed lives.

So this writer feels bad about using puns to give people cancer, but doesn't doesn't feel bad about the puns themselves? This is what I call morally confused.
posted by three blind mice at 4:26 AM on January 18 [9 favorites]

I took a job out of desperation at a company that does shitty work that I don't believe in and that I am embarrassed to work at. It was supposed to be temporary but I've stayed for 7 years. I am as dead inside as the zombies I work with. My current portfolio and my reputation are a disgrace. At the end of the day I wonder if my life has any meaning, but then I remember that I can feed my family and pay the mortgage this month.

Shit... it's as if I wrote that myself. Only for me it's been 11 years :-\
posted by 00dimitri00 at 4:49 AM on January 18 [5 favorites]

sometimes when i get bored and annoyed at retouching, ill just drag out the clock on a project by putting elaborate corpse paint on everyone like a black metal album cover.

I don't see how anyone can condemn this one.
posted by NoMich at 4:51 AM on January 18 [18 favorites]

I can absolutely empathize with some of these. Having spent a near-lifetime in the service of marketing and advertising, I, too, came to a place where I had become utterly jaundiced and hateful toward simply the act of sitting-down and sketching ideas.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:52 AM on January 18

I love my job--it's stimulating and exciting and I can honestly say that in a small way I'm making the world a better place.

Thank Christ I don't work in advertising.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:59 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

My favorite work activity is putting music worms in my associate's heads by softly humming annoying songs.

That's just evil.
posted by ryoshu at 5:01 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

I once had a Junior chick do me a blow job to grant her a job in my agency.

That's evil.
posted by forgetful snow at 5:04 AM on January 18 [5 favorites]

That's evil.

The phrase "do me a blowjob"? I agree.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:08 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

Someone should do one of these for Mefi.

"When I'm bored I like to submit fake anonymous relationshipfilter questions. Two of mine are in the top 50 most commented AskMes ever."

"I use quonsmas as an opportunity for regifting shit I don't like to people I don't know."

"All my FPP ideas come from Reddit, but I never credit them."

"I don't really think that cats should be declawed, but I like saying so to get a rise out of people."
posted by googly at 5:08 AM on January 18 [12 favorites]

"I only favorite things I want to find again, but make comments for people to favorite because they agree"
posted by postcommunism at 5:11 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

"I only answer questions for which I can quickly Google an answer."
posted by jquinby at 5:20 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

"I don't even read the question, I just skim it for keywords to google"
posted by DU at 5:21 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

What's the term for making up a confession you believe other people should be making?
posted by DU at 5:21 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

Confession alone is not sufficient for absolution.
posted by Segundus at 5:29 AM on January 18 [6 favorites]

There's a great panel show about advertising, The Gruen Transfer. One of the regular panelists created Earth Hour, which most people here probably think 'absolves' him of the sin of using his creative talents to make money.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 5:36 AM on January 18

This should've been presented with a trigger warning.
posted by jsavimbi at 5:39 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

I sometimes book a metting room for myself to have a nap.

This! This is why no metting ever gets done anymore at these places.
posted by chavenet at 6:06 AM on January 18 [7 favorites]

No, I don't enjoy designing Wedding Invitations for free.

What is it with people assuming you will do free work for them? I've had numerous twice-a-year relatives approach me at Christmas and say, oh, you work on websites? Well, I have been trying to get a website for my law office. We have three full-time lawyers but we can't afford to pay someone to set up a Wordpress blog, and you're a young person so you don't need money. So you'll do it, right? Oh, also it has to process credit card transactions and it should have an interactive part where you can virtually walk around our office. Also it should connect to Facebook and automatically find clients for us. Also we need it in a week.
posted by deathpanels at 6:15 AM on January 18 [11 favorites]

The correct response to that is "in return I expect free legal services for the rest of my life and also for two generations of my heirs; please note that I will be commencing an interstate crime spree as soon as I complete your website which will be entirely in frames and comic sans".
posted by elizardbits at 6:20 AM on January 18 [21 favorites]

When people ask me for free work and breathlessly declaim how much I'll benefit from the exposure, I open my trenchcoat.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:30 AM on January 18 [9 favorites]

Outside of certain outlier cases, whenever someone asks you to do something for free, please refer to Mike Monteiro's succinct video
posted by jsavimbi at 6:40 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

Someone should do one of these for Mefi.

Done.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:46 AM on January 18 [5 favorites]

I've done copywriting for a tobacco company, alcohol brands and a few casinos. My puns have destroyed lives.

It's interesting both that so many people weighed in and that it's almost perfectly split in pro and con.
posted by Omnomnom at 6:50 AM on January 18

So this writer feels bad about using puns to give people cancer, but doesn't doesn't feel bad about the puns themselves? This is what I call morally confused.

Smokers eventually die. The puns live forever.
posted by mazola at 6:51 AM on January 18

What is it with people assuming you will do free work for them

This is some variation of Ask vs. Guess culture. I don't think they assume you'll work for free, but by asking they might get lucky.

It's also sometimes a negotiation tactic. Rather than start at $$$ and work their way down, they might get it even cheaper by starting at zero and slowly working their way up from that.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:54 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

The worst are the Craigslist ads: "Send us 5 t-shirt designs and if we pick yours we'll give you $500!" Actually the worst part of that is when skilled designers ACTUALLY DO THIS. Stop that!
posted by Brocktoon at 7:04 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

I immediately throw resumes in the trash if I see the word "visionary" or "ninja."
ABSOLVE : 321 CONDEMN : 5

Thank you, you kind soul.
posted by The Whelk at 7:08 AM on January 18 [4 favorites]

I fell for it again - this is 'creative' meaning "people who work in ad firms." I really wish that conflation had never happened. I read the first few and was all "what's creative about this? This is about corporate life." Then I realized it's the jargon version of 'creative.'
posted by Miko at 7:14 AM on January 18 [13 favorites]

I cannot understand the condemnation here:

I secretly like papyrus and mentally (as in; just in my mind) correct every designer who mispronounces it as 'pap-er-rus'
ABSOLVE : 30 CONDEMN : 92

Unless, maybe it's because he doesn't correct them out loud.
posted by misha at 7:17 AM on January 18

What's the term for making up a confession you believe other people should be making?

"Hinting."
posted by Kit W at 7:17 AM on January 18

jsavimbo: Outside of certain outlier cases, whenever someone asks you to do something for free, please refer to Mike Monteiro's succinct video .

Thanks! I started following Mike on Twitter because I agree that he is all kinds of awesome, and saw this incredible exchange that I just have to share:

Donald J. Trump ‏(@realDonaldTrump): Congratulations to Tom Scocca and Timothy Burke of @Deadspin for exposing the Manti Te’o fiasco.

Deadspin ‏(@Deadspin):@realDonaldTrump Go fuck yourself.
Retweeted by Mike Monteiro

So naturally I am now following Deadspin, too.
posted by misha at 7:22 AM on January 18 [7 favorites]

What's the term for making up a confession you believe other people should be making?

Police work?
posted by stebulus at 7:29 AM on January 18 [29 favorites]

Not enough oh snap in all the world for that one.
posted by elizardbits at 7:52 AM on January 18

This seems like the counterpart to Clients from Hell, which started out as a great idea, but quickly became a repository for retreads of urban legends and made-up crap.
posted by adamrice at 8:18 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

I secretly like papyrus and mentally (as in; just in my mind) correct every designer who mispronounces it as 'pap-er-rus'
ABSOLVE : 30 CONDEMN : 92

Unless, maybe it's because he doesn't correct them out loud.

Probably it's for the misuse of the semicolon in that parenthetical aside; semicolons have been making a big comeback lately, and there are probably just a lot of neophyte semicolon-enthusiasts offended by this one.
posted by saulgoodman at 8:19 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

HULK GRAMMARIAN SAY EXCLAMATION MARK TRUMP ALL OTHER MARKS OF PUNCTUATION!!!
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:35 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

an actual "creative" (ugh that word) confession would be more like "I try really hard to be self-critical and hold myself to higher standards because it's the only thing keeping my massive ego in check."
posted by The Whelk at 8:41 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

Then I realized it's the jargon version of 'creative.'

Every time I hear the word "creative" used as a noun I am nearly blinded with homicidal rage.

This created some awkward moments when I worked as a producer for a studio whose clients were almost entirely ad agencies.

I once had a Junior chick do me a blow job to grant her a job in my agency.

Pretty sure anyone who writes "do me a blowjob" is like 12 and not quite 100% sure what a blowjob actually is.
posted by dersins at 9:04 AM on January 18 [8 favorites]

semicolons have been making a big comeback lately

Semicolons are my vice; it's like throwing in a gymnastic flourish from sheer ebullience. I'm aware it's an annoying tick.
posted by jaduncan at 9:10 AM on January 18 [4 favorites]

Pretty sure anyone who writes "do me a blowjob" is like 12 and not quite 100% sure what a blowjob actually is.

Second confession: Penthouse, I'm a young and attractive lady and I was being interviewed by a teenager...
posted by jaduncan at 9:11 AM on January 18

I fell for it again - this is 'creative' meaning "people who work in ad firms."

I've taken to explaining it as people who want acknowledgement that their job involves creativity but can't in good conscience call themselves "artists."
posted by RobotHero at 9:22 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

semicolons have been making a big comeback lately

Comeback? They never went out of style! I love semicolons and use them liberally. I don't even think of them as a flourish; they're a natural part of the way I talk.

I've taken to explaining it as people who want acknowledgement that their job involves creativity but can't in good conscience call themselves "artists."

I like that, but even then...my job involves tons of creativity, but people who do it don't call ourselves 'creatives' (though we do say we're in a creative industry or part of the 'creative economy' all the time). Writers (of the non-copy kind) and musicians and architects and event producers and retail people and all sorts of people do creative work. It's kind of weird how it evolved in this single industry to specifically connote "creators of advertising."
posted by Miko at 9:22 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

Semicolons are alright but nothing gives appropriate emphasis to tangentially related or amplificatory or particularizing asides—like this one here—the way em dashes do.
posted by Mister_A at 9:28 AM on January 18 [4 favorites]

I'm a digital producer at an ad agency, and our creative teams are damn creative. Actually almost everyone I work with is creative - people do work on the side, after work, are involved in music/other things.

But you know, it's another hyperbolic thread about how terrible advertising is, so...carry on I guess.
posted by sweetkid at 9:28 AM on January 18

I don't think advertising is terrible, I just find that bit of jargon grates. Almost everyone I work with is creative too, but we're not in advertising. Advertising has no monopoly on creativity, and as I'm sure you well know, sometimes falls painfully short in that area.
posted by Miko at 9:29 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

Advertising can be really horrible, if you're at the right shop with the right clients.
posted by Mister_A at 9:32 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

Semicolons are alright but nothing gives appropriate emphasis to tangentially related or amplificatory or particularizing asides—like this one here—the way em dashes do.

My husband is a writer, and the day he discovered that the iPhone keyboard has an em dash on it may have been the happiest day of his life outside of the births of his children.
posted by KathrynT at 9:34 AM on January 18 [4 favorites]

"Someone should do one of these for Mefi."

My turn (true story): I took a very low-paying freelance gig from someone "met" on MeFi. I didn't realize at first it was for one of those write-term-papers outfits. I have an issue with those services, but did it anyway because I really need $$.
But Karma already got me - it's been a couple months and he hasn't paid me, doesn't appear he will. (Yes, the mods have heard the details.)
posted by NorthernLite at 9:40 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

Little things mean a lot to us writers, KathrynT. Like finding out how easy it is to bold text on EverNote for iPhone! Woocha!
posted by Mister_A at 9:40 AM on January 18

please refer to Mike Monteiro's succinct video

a 39 minute video is now considered succinct?
posted by achrise at 9:53 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

Advertising can be really horrible, if you're at the right shop with the right clients.

You: *present many creative ideas*
GoDaddy person: "No, no. Let's just go with a naked woman again. Do you think this one has nice enough tits?"
posted by jaduncan at 9:54 AM on January 18 [3 favorites]

Apparently, now they feel bad about an Internal Server Error.
posted by Shepherd at 10:03 AM on January 18

Okay, I read a bunch of these, and there needs to be a third option for "you're just using a 'confession' as a platform for more complaining, aren't you?"
posted by RobotHero at 10:18 AM on January 18 [1 favorite]

My confession is obvious; I love using semicolons — also emdashes - even though I'll often use an endash because it's easier - for the same thing — and also parentheses (because I put digressions in my writing so much and want to mix up the punctuation so it's less noticeable).
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:02 AM on January 18

But oneswellfoop – aren't those hyphens you're using as endashes?
posted by Jonathan Harford at 11:16 AM on January 18

I'm a digital producer at an ad agency, and our creative teams are damn creative.

I've got no problem with agency guys calling themselves "creative." What I have a huge fucking problem with are the dickheads who refer to themselves as "a creative." As in "What do you do?" "Oh, I'm a creative at Wieden". Die in a fucking fire, douchebag.
posted by dersins at 11:38 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

* I'm high at work... every day.
* I always have a random Word document open, which I immediately switch to when someone walks by, just so they don't catch me watching cat videos.
* I only charge hourly rates when freelancing. For every mind-numbingly, micro-managed, self-talking, spineless, idiotic change I make is another smile on my walk to the bank.
* I often convince clients that Retweets are more valuable than sales.

How is it that these people can find work yet I can't?
posted by JHarris at 11:55 AM on January 18 [2 favorites]

What I have a huge fucking problem with are the dickheads who refer to themselves as "a creative." As in "What do you do?" "Oh, I'm a creative at Wieden". Die in a fucking fire, douchebag.

Some brave agency person could confirm this, but isn't the whole "creatives" jargon based on the in-house squabbles between creatives vs. accounts vs. everyone else? (In Mad Men lingo, Don and Peggy vs. Roger and Pete Campbell vs. Layne and Joan.)
posted by gladly at 12:36 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]

Yeah that's what the departments are called - creative, account. Though you wouldn't call an account person an "account." It's just a shorthand though.


I've got no problem with agency guys calling themselves "creative." What I have a huge fucking problem with are the dickheads who refer to themselves as "a creative." As in "What do you do?" "Oh, I'm a creative at Wieden". Die in a fucking fire, douchebag.

It's just a shorthand.
posted by sweetkid at 12:43 PM on January 18

Die in a fucking fire, douchebag.

For the crime of belonging to a different linguistic community than you, I guess? Yes, seize them and kill them by the fords of the Jordan!

(Language Log: Annals of word rage.)
posted by stebulus at 12:45 PM on January 18 [1 favorite]

How is it that these people can find work yet I can't?
posted by JHarris

Who have you convinced that retweets are more valuable than sales, huh?
posted by RobotHero at 1:15 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]

Annals of Word Rage was a thought-provoking and enjoyable read. I'm delighted to add the word "peeveology" to my vocabulary.
posted by Miko at 1:35 PM on January 18

I'd rather poop at the agency than home so I can get paid for it.

Who on any kind of salary hasn't thought this?
posted by Spatch at 2:21 PM on January 18

confessions about stealing other people's ideas almost all get more 'condemn' votes.

I know, it's so shameful. I wish I could condemn Schubert for all those ideas he stole from Beethoven, who himself stole from Mozart, who certainly stole from Haydn. Not to mention the dozens of composers who stole folk tunes, polished them up with a little orchestration cloth and palmed them off. But for some reason I just can't find the strength.

Maybe in a better world we'll all be strikingly original, no matter how much the result sucks.
posted by Twang at 5:16 PM on January 18

I keep a Sharpie on me when I visit any restroom just so I can sign each toilet or urinal I use, "R. Mutt 1917."

That's amazing.
posted by Lutoslawski at 4:34 PM on January 22 [1 favorite]