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Diamond Joe, cruising for chicks on Reddit
January 18, 2013 1:38 PM   Subscribe


 
History of Diamond Joe on The Onion
posted by young sister beacon at 1:39 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Best administration ever.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:42 PM on January 18, 2013 [13 favorites]


What's harder than Diamond? Real Justice of the Real Joe Biden.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:43 PM on January 18, 2013


aka his wiener.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:44 PM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


That was kind of pointless, but the thought of (real) Biden reading dick jokes about himself makes me smile.
posted by slogger at 1:47 PM on January 18, 2013 [15 favorites]


I love all the Joe Bidens!
posted by Dr. Zira at 1:48 PM on January 18, 2013 [9 favorites]


And when they finally meet and make out, we truly will be in The Sexiest Of All Timelines.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:51 PM on January 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


[–]TinzIsTinz 54 points 1 hour ago
If you had to give one piece of life advice to a 5-year-old, what would it be?

[–]Diamond_Joe_Biden[S] 228 points 1 hour ago
Get some teenage tail while it's still legal for you.
Oh goddamnit reddit/onion
posted by Blasdelb at 1:51 PM on January 18, 2013 [10 favorites]


So, the real Joe Biden stood up?
posted by sendai sleep master at 2:04 PM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


"I wish I could afford a cell phone, those data charges are real asshole rippers though. I usually just read an issue of Oui on the can."

Oh man, that's perfect.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 2:13 PM on January 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


The real Joe Biden pointed out on twitter today that he is actually a Corvette guy.
posted by humanfont at 2:14 PM on January 18, 2013


Yeah, but it still doesn't tackle the Obama/Horse/Duck issue.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:18 PM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Can we make him Vice President for life?
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 2:19 PM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Did he elaborate on why he thinks Julian Assange is a high-tech terrorist?
posted by dunkadunc at 2:24 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Did he elaborate on why he thinks Julian Assange is a high-tech terrorist?


It's one of those joke things.
posted by nestor_makhno at 2:27 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Aw man, jinx. This is actually way funnier.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:28 PM on January 18, 2013


Diamond Joe would just challenge him to fisticuffs, anyway.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:28 PM on January 18, 2013


"Joe Biden reading Oui on the can" is the densest amount of funny it is possible. A gamma burst of perfection.
posted by basicchannel at 2:36 PM on January 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


Finally an AMA worth reading.
posted by incandissonance at 2:37 PM on January 18, 2013


Diamond Joe wouldn't do something as hoity-toity as fisticuffs.

Takin' 'em down in the parking lot, yes.
posted by Lemurrhea at 2:41 PM on January 18, 2013


An offer to get "fist-faced behind the Sheetz."
posted by klangklangston at 3:02 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


That's not even the first time the real Joe Biden has pointed out he's a Corvette guy. I wonder if The Onion does it just to wind him up.
posted by indubitable at 3:09 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


If The Onion is having its fictional characters do Reddit AMAs, one or both of those sites has jumped the shark. (Although I DO have a few questions for "Local Man")

That said, join the club. I did.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:13 PM on January 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Julian Assange and Joe Biden got into a major flame war on Usenet back in the early 90s. Things got personal, then escalated when Jullian hacked Joe's .plan file to include a ASCII animation showing him blowing a goat. Personally I blame the unix admin for not setting up permission on home directories correctly.
posted by humanfont at 3:19 PM on January 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


If The Onion is having its fictional characters do Reddit AMAs, one or both of those sites has jumped the shark.

I'd like to see Reddit actually jump the shark by having Henry Winkler do an AMA entirely in the character of The Fonz.
posted by i_have_a_computer at 3:28 PM on January 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


That was kind of pointless, but the thought of (real) Biden reading dick jokes about himself makes me smile.

That's nothing compared to how hilariously cute it was when Jill Biden inadvertently told a dick joke about him in front of a crowd.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:31 PM on January 18, 2013 [16 favorites]


What do you think is the biggest thing you've accomplished in your career?

I once stole an entire pallet of Bud Light Lime from the back of an idling truck.


oh man
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:43 PM on January 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm surprised the GOP didn't hammer Obama for the AMA he did.

"President answers questions from pedophilies and perverts" with links to r/Creepshots, r/jailbait, and a million other sleeve subs. I can't respect Reddit after learning about that.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 3:54 PM on January 18, 2013


...you could respect reddit before learning about that?
posted by elizardbits at 4:08 PM on January 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


what is even reality anymore
posted by kagredon at 4:24 PM on January 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Charlemagne In Sweatpants: ""President answers questions from pedophilies and perverts" with links to r/Creepshots, r/jailbait, and a million other sleeve subs. I can't respect Reddit after learning about that."

In that regard, I look at them the same way I look at web hosts who really strongly believe in free speech. If you really stand for stuff like that, you're going to find yourself serving and defending a lot of scoundrels.

Of course, they eventually backed down.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:34 PM on January 18, 2013


Somehow, I had never coming across the 'Diamond' Joe Biden stuff before; reading it now, it's just...it's just too funny to even write about properly. Like, completely, utterly perfect.
posted by Tiresias at 4:45 PM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Diamond Joe, cruising for chicks on Reddit

Going fishing for dates is the wrong metaphor. It's not as though he has to try to attract people. He's got enough raw sexual magnetism that something analogous to gravitational collapse has taken place. At this point his event horizon extends several kilometers beyond his own body. People who approach closer than that are drawn in, never to escape. Why would they want to?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 5:22 PM on January 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh My God there is an awesome one on the 24th Jan

24 Jan 1pm Ben Reed Deputy Project Manager at NASA's Goddard SFC
posted by marienbad at 5:23 PM on January 18, 2013


I can't respect Reddit after learning about that.

It's sort of a microcosm of the internet, though- anyone can make a subreddit for anything, so it's not like days of yore when an admin would actually manually set up new forums. Reddit's a walled city that allows pretty much anything that's on the greater internet. I find it useful for keeping up on some odd cares and niche hobbies I have, and it's replaced my RSS as my newsfeed of choice.

As far as quality content goes, the upvote/downvote system caters to impulse and instant gratification. The only method I've ever seen that works is the modest one-time paywall method used here and on Something Awful.
posted by maus at 5:30 PM on January 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'd like to see Reddit actually jump the shark by having Henry Winkler do an AMA entirely in the character of The Fonz.
He was recently on the How to Do Everything podcast ( on how to be cool while waiting for someone at say a diner) and he did the Fonz at the end.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 6:40 PM on January 18, 2013


Joe Biden, Diamond or otherwise, is the person I most want to hang out with and I remember reading he thinks The Onion's take is funny except he's cranky about the car because he's a Corvette guy. Seeing this all actually happen that seems to confirm it just makes it even better.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 7:50 PM on January 18, 2013


I'm just disappointed it's not real.
posted by Miko at 9:28 PM on January 18, 2013


humanfont: The real Joe Biden pointed out on twitter today that he is actually a Corvette guy.
So, you didn't even read the second line of the FPP itself?
posted by IAmBroom at 10:02 AM on January 19, 2013




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