Comments on: Ohhhh... Canadaaaa...

Ohhhh... Canadaaaa...

oneswellfoop — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:32:39 -0800

To some, Canada's greatest guilty pleasure is Poutine (here are 38 variations, all on one page, THANK you Foodbeast) or William Shatner (who is bringing his one-man show to MY town tomorrow evening). But there are things most of us don't know about the Nice Folk to the North. Therefore, a new site for CANADIAN SEX ACTS, kind of a Kanada Sutra. NSFW and age restricted, this new site may have performance problems (insert snarky comment here); if so, just enjoy the list of names of great white north positions (Reverse Rick Moranis, Montreal Meatpie, Five-Legged Caribou...)

By: C.A.S.

C.A.S. — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:34:43 -0800

What do you call the sex act greedy inept money men and lawyers south of the border perform on your national sport?

By: indubitable

indubitable — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:35:14 -0800

Canada's national foods sound like sex acts.

By: Superplin

Superplin — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:37:23 -0800

Is this based on that HIMYM episode?

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:37:26 -0800

I clicked on the link of 38 variations of poutine, but "bacon poutine" was right at the top and I'm wondering why you even need 37 more.

By: DirtyOldTown

DirtyOldTown — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:38:21 -0800

Yup, the Canadian Sex Acts page is a leftover gag from a three year old episode of How I Met Your Mother.

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:40:37 -0800

Fondle my Timbits, baby.

By: mazola

mazola — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:42:14 -0800

Canadians have sex?

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:42:49 -0800

"bacon poutine" was right at the top and I'm wondering why you even need 37 more." The rest must be for scale.

By: docgonzo

docgonzo — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:44:56 -0800

Huh, I looked but I couldn't find the "Closeted self-loathing foreign minister"

By: mannequito

mannequito — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:48:37 -0800

I had a bacon poutine at 3am last week in Montreal. Still full.

By: oneswellfoop

oneswellfoop — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:48:40 -0800

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that the producers of How I Met Your Mother would create a fake website... or twenty-two.

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:49:01 -0800

What do you call the sex act greedy inept money men and lawyers south of the border perform on your national sport? That would be a "Bettman's Timbit."

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:51:37 -0800

Canadians have sex? No. We're far too advanced for that sticky mess, eh. How do you thing we afford all these social services, eh? When the elders retire from the puck factory they're shoved off into Canuck Bay on an ice floe, eh. A New One is collected from the St. Lawrence, a gift from the Great Immaculate Beaver, eh. There's one exception to that, eh. Every four years we make our Prime Minister out of a big potato, and a toupee, eh. We give him raisin eyes and LensCrafters glasses, eh. Then when he's done we make him into poutine, eh.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:52:18 -0800

I almost had poutine last night for the first time, but I figure it wouldn't be authentic if it was created by some gourmet chef at a stand at a music fest. Plus it had chilli.

By: jb

jb — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:52:22 -0800

Canadians have sex? Only gay sex. We prefer to increase our population by immigration.

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:57:10 -0800

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that the producers of How I Met Your Mother would create a fake website... or twenty-two. I won't be impressed until they make a real Hoser Hut.

By: jet_silver

jet_silver — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:00:08 -0800

damn, wrong thread

By: orme

orme — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:01:01 -0800

Kraft Dingler

By: Talez

Talez — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:05:28 -0800

I won't be impressed until they make a real Hoser Hut. I'd rather they make Puzzles.

By: mannequito

mannequito — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:09:11 -0800

The Mario Lemieuuugh

By: davebush

davebush — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:10:18 -0800

Double-Double

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:14:10 -0800

All these sex positions are just Alan Thicke looking annoyed. I expected more from you, Canada.

By: oneswellfoop

oneswellfoop — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:15:21 -0800

Double-Double? Suddenly those In-N-Out Burger bumper stickers make sense... but what does that have to do with Canada?

By: mannequito

mannequito — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:16:06 -0800

that's All In Thicke

By: maudlin

maudlin — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:27:19 -0800

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN Oh, really? So when I say: "Nicole bring me my slippers and fetch my nightcap," is that prose? PHILOSOPHY MASTER Most clearly. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN Well, what do you know about that! These forty years now, I've been speaking in prose without knowing it! How grateful am I to you for teaching me that!

By: Pruitt-Igoe

Pruitt-Igoe — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:36:07 -0800

Alan Thicke's porn name? Alan Thicke.

By: wcfields

wcfields — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:51:24 -0800

My new favorite 'Canadian' thing: Wheels Ontario.

By: and so but then, we

and so but then, we — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:08:01 -0800

double double, oneswellfoop.

By: acb

acb — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:13:03 -0800

"bacon poutine" was right at the top and I'm wondering why you even need 37 more. For a moment, I thought you meant the sex acts list. What I imagined was not pretty.

By: unSane

unSane — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:33:14 -0800

you 'poutine' and then you 'poul out'

By: davebush

davebush — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:42:21 -0800

Canadian here, asking you non-Canucks: does it really sound like we say "oot"? This has always mystified me. I just don't hear it.

By: hexatron

hexatron — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:46:18 -0800

dave: yup. or maybe ah-oot.

By: doublesix

doublesix — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:47:18 -0800

>Canadian here, asking you non-Canucks: does it really sound like we say "oot"? This has always mystified me. I just don't hear it. West Coast Canadian here: yes you do out east.

By: Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:52:19 -0800

Remember everyone; size matters

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:53:01 -0800

asking you non-Canucks: does it really sound like we say "oot"? This has always mystified me. I just don't hear it. It has never sounded like "oot" to this non-Canadian either. (I think there's even a comment from me lurking somewhere on this topic.) It always sounded a faint bit like how I'd say "oat", in fact. Actually, it sounds a tiny bit like a trace of a Scottish accent to me. Which isn't too surprising if I understand Canadian immigration patterns correctly...

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:54:16 -0800

I like me some poutine, but once you get past a certain age it's kind of a once or twice a year thing.

By: Lemurrhea

Lemurrhea — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:02:57 -0800

Is that age...death? Which admittedly would come a bit early.

By: Lemurrhea

Lemurrhea — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:07:36 -0800

Also: how in the world does that list have neither Haggis Poutine nor Donair Poutine, both of which I ate in Kingston 10 years ago. Both of which make me want to die from the deliciousness and the disgustingness.

By: benzenedream

benzenedream — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:24:00 -0800

Show me your sour cream timbits.

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:36:42 -0800

Actually, it sounds a tiny bit like a trace of a Scottish accent to me. As a west-coast Canadian I've found this to be true about Canadians in general. I did note that it was fantastically natural to slide into an Irish accent when visiting there, so there may be some truth to that regional influence.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:37:06 -0800

tragically hip to hip

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:49:34 -0800

Show me your sour cream timbits oh man i would sacrifice an entire busload of nuns and orphans for one of those right now

By: Catchfire

Catchfire — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:57:23 -0800

Poutine is Canadian? Is there anything those maudits têtes-carrés can't co-opt? Câlisse...

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 19:39:29 -0800

How I Met Your Mother derail (and slight spoiler for the last episode): I know some say the show has gone on for too long and certainly shouldn't have been renewed for another season, but, in the last episode, there was a scene where Lily confessed to feeling like a horrible person because she sometimes wished she wasn't a mom and wanted to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back; Alyson Hannigan nailed that moment SO much that I will watch every TV show she chooses to be in until the bitter end.

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 19:48:00 -0800

Canadians have sex? Well, once. It was awkward as hell, and we don't really talk about it. Until now. Thanks Internet.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:02:21 -0800

It was mostly mutual masturbation, though we talked of penetration. We were never making love

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:12:38 -0800

To some, Canada's greatest guilty pleasure is Poutine I have never met a Canadian who felt guilty about poutine.

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:13:25 -0800

Mrs A. taught me to pronounce "Cooo, loo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coo" properly as one of my first introductions to being Canadian. Good Day!

By: bluefrog

bluefrog — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:19:02 -0800

Highly recommended if you ever come to Montreal. None of their fine poutine variations are on the list (yet). Our American friends should find that the "Heart Attack" will do fine as an appetizer.

By: vasi

vasi — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:39:19 -0800

I always thought of La Banquise as the canonical poutine place.

By: badgermushroomSNAKE

badgermushroomSNAKE — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:43:00 -0800

Can I safely assume there's supposed to be something there other than endless pictures of Robin Thicke, in clever poses, asking me to hold on, eh, the site will be back shortly? Or...am I entirely missing the joke here, never having seen HIMYM?

By: badgermushroomSNAKE

badgermushroomSNAKE — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:49:28 -0800

...or is it Alan Thicke. One of those guys, at least. Hmph *thumps cane*

By: Keith Talent

Keith Talent — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 21:39:25 -0800

You know who is a fucking idiot? Calvin Trillin of the New Yorker. A couple years back he mocked poutine as a concept, but then had no problem with chill cheese fries. Uhhhh, genius, they're two sides of the same coin. Except the poutine side is tastier. And better by any conceivable metric. Jackass.

By: thecjm

thecjm — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 23:21:30 -0800

"bacon poutine" was right at the top and I'm wondering why you even need 37 more." Did you not scroll down one more to number 37? LOBSTER POUTINE!

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 00:36:53 -0800

Except the poutine side is tastier. And better by any conceivable metric. That right there was the problem. He was using the imperious system. asking you non-Canucks: does it really sound like we say "oot"? This has always mystified me. I just don't hear it. Wait until you try to order water in England and learn that your entire life you have been saying wadder.

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 00:47:37 -0800

How come there was no entry for the shameful act that I am going to commit with the St-Viateur bagels in my freezer tomorrow morning?

By: oneswellfoop

oneswellfoop — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 01:23:07 -0800

Wouldn't "shameful acts with bagels" have originated at NewYorkCitySexActs.com? (their motto: "If you can make it there, you probably did it like this")

By: Kitteh

Kitteh — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 06:00:56 -0800

Being married to a Canadian and interacting with Anglo-Canadians, yes, to me, when you say words that end in '-out", it definitely sounds like "-oat." And WTF with your pronounciation of "drama"? We live in Quebec and some old-school Quebecois accents are damn near impenetrable. (Also, Canadians, be they French or Anglo, are always disappointed when I don't have a Southern accent. I do, it just comes out when I'm home or when I'm drunk.)

By: jb

jb — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 09:01:07 -0800

Double-Double? Suddenly those In-N-Out Burger bumper stickers make sense... but what does that have to do with Canada? In Canada, a "double-double" most often refers to a coffee with two creams and two sugars (ref). Taking your coffee this way isn't considered particularly Canadian, just the phrase for describing it. For some reason, one cream, one sugar is a regular, but the sweet-toothed customers at the place where I used to work also coined "triple-triple" and "quadruple-quadruple"respectively. All of which are disgusting, of course. Sugar has no place in my coffee, just cream.

By: jb

jb — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 09:02:54 -0800

As for the "oot and aboot" thing, here's the technical answer: Canadian Raising. It's a feature of some dialects in the US as well.

By: Rangeboy

Rangeboy — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 13:34:38 -0800

(Also, Canadians, be they French or Anglo, are always disappointed when I don't have a Southern accent. I do, it just comes out when I'm home or when I'm drunk.) That's hardly unique to Canadians. When I lived in the Midwest, everyone would always tell me, "but you don't have a Southern accent!" As though they all expected me to sound like, I dunno, the bastard child of Gomer Pyle and Scarlet O'Hara.

By: Kitteh

Kitteh — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 14:48:13 -0800

This is true. I tend to disappoint my UK friends in that regard as well.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 19:25:44 -0800

Poutine. Bubba's. Kingston, Ontario. That is all.

By: tickingclock

tickingclock — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 21:37:31 -0800

Hahaha! On the Canadian Sex Acts site, the 18-only warning ends with "Poutines toujours!", but only in French!

By: zarah

zarah — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 23:04:10 -0800

And WTF with your pronounciation of "drama"? Huh? Draw-muh or drah-muh. How else should we be saying it?

By: papercrane

papercrane — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 06:42:00 -0800

(Also, Canadians, be they French or Anglo, are always disappointed when I don't have a Southern accent. I do, it just comes out when I'm home or when I'm drunk.) That reminds me of many expat Newfoundlanders that I know. On the topic of Poutine, my personal favourite variation is topping it with pulled pork and peppercorn gravy. Actually, just the peppercorn gravy and I'm happy.