Comments on: and ne'er the twain shall meet.

and ne'er the twain shall meet.

sparklemotion — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:08:19 -0800

Felicity show-runner J.J. Abrams is reportedly close to being tapped to direct Star Wars Episode 7.

As well as mastering the romantic drama, Abrams is known for his small screen work on shows such as Alias and Lost, so he is not completely unknown to the science fiction genre. [previously]

By: mulligan

mulligan — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:10:01 -0800

"Just heard JJ Walker is directing Dancing with the Stars?" https://twitter.com/albz/status/294586939754024960

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:10:42 -0800

Favorite tweet so far: If JJ Abrams really is going to direct Star Wars VII, it makes perfect sense. Tatooine's 2 suns means 2x the lens flares.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:11:08 -0800

L.A. Times says their sources have confirmed. The news was originally reported by The Wrap.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:11:55 -0800

I just laughed so hard I gave myself a nosebleed. My god I hope they get Lindelof to do the script. Nothing but shitty lens flare and hamfisted jesus references, please please please.

By: Faintdreams

Faintdreams — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:12:02 -0800

::grump:: Do. Not. Like.

By: dng

dng — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:12:31 -0800

I suspect Simon Pegg is the person most pleased about this

By: roger ackroyd

roger ackroyd — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:12:36 -0800

Fans are going to FREAK when he has Leia cut her hair off.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:12:45 -0800

New Star Wars logo unveiled.

By: bearwife

bearwife — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:15:27 -0800

N o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o. At least we'll always have Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back. Because after that this whole thing has just been dreck.

By: sparklemotion

sparklemotion — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:15:39 -0800

I have know idea what that "s Episode 7." is doing in the main description. I think it is some sort of text-based lensflare.

By: TwelveTwo

TwelveTwo — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:16:12 -0800

How the hell did I call this? I was just joking, universe, listen, I was just joking. It wasn't a recommendation!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:16:25 -0800

"Just heard JJ Walker is directing Dancing with the Stars?" Dyno- ~~MITE~~MIDICHLORIANS!

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:17:14 -0800

I am honestly not sure how Star Wars fans have the capacity to freak out anymore. That ship has sailed, honey.

By: dortmunder

dortmunder — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:17:27 -0800

So Abrams now does both Star Wars and Star Trek? Is the USS Enterprise going to do the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs now?

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:17:34 -0800

There's going to be a great scene where X-Wing Pilots 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 attack a Death Star only to discover its made of smoke.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:18:33 -0800

Spock with a lightsaber would be pretty badass, though. And it will be cool to see William Shatner get shaggy with Carrie Fisher.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:18:56 -0800

Is the USS Enterprise going to do the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs now? No, but the Millennium Falcon is going to do the Corbomite Maneuver.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:20:01 -0800

And it will be cool to see William Shatner get shaggy with Carrie Fisher. Well, in 1976, maybe. If by 'shaggy' you mean what I suspect you mean.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:20:12 -0800

Quick everybody argue about ST2009.

By: hanoixan

hanoixan — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:21:11 -0800

I'm not scared. Star Wars as a creative style is pretty well defined, and I think he knows how to not fuck things up. The lens flare joke is funny, yes. But I think we can expect a Kershner-level film.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:23:54 -0800

Is the USS Enterprise going to do the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs now? That still makes me twitch every time I see it.

By: gompa

gompa — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:24:48 -0800

Thank heavens this finally got posted here. I've been looking for somewhere to dump all the excess lens flare gags that've been overflowing my Twitter feed all afternoon. Revenge of the Lens Flare amirite?!?

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:26:23 -0800

I think the one thing that Lucas doesn't get credit for is the pure visual style of the Star Wars films - the way things look - although he ruins it by cramming as much kinetic shit as possible into every single frame.

By: Sokka shot first

Sokka shot first — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:26:50 -0800

I'm fine with this.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:27:44 -0800

Fringe was ...good.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:29:00 -0800

With the same old crew? That's no fun. How about... Jason Statham ... Han Solo (rumored) Justin Bieber ... Luke Skywalker (rumored) Nicki Minaj ... Princess Leia (rumored) Siri ... C-3PO (rumored) Ryan Gosling ... Wedge Antilles (rumored)

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:29:30 -0800

This will be like the "new" Van Halen album with David Lee Roth: Way better than anyone could have realistically hoped it would be, but still not good enough to watch all the way through more than once.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:29:45 -0800

Revenge of the Lens Flare amirite?!? The lens flares back?

By: sendai sleep master

sendai sleep master — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:30:58 -0800

I quite liked his first Trek reboot although I always thought the swashbuckling and bantering that he made the core of the film would be better in something like Star Wars. Consider me optimistic.

By: chimaera

chimaera — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:31:26 -0800

Sounds like Disney is continuing the surprisingly-competent handling of the whole Lucasfilm purchase, to me. Abrams isn't a risky choice. I doubt he'll make a Truly Great Star Wars film but I'd be willing to put a few bucks on the line that anything he does will be better than the prequels, and there's probably a better than even shot at it being as good or better than ROTJ.

By: straight

straight — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:31:44 -0800

I think the one thing that Lucas doesn't get credit for is the pure visual style of the Star Wars films - the way things look Because so much of it rightly goes to Ralph McQuarrie?

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:31:45 -0800

Nicki Minaj ... Princess Leia (rumored) I would watch this.

By: TwoWordReview

TwoWordReview — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:31:59 -0800

I wanted Brad Bird, but I had Joss Whedon and JJ Abrams as alternate likely candidates. I'm amazed he only got one mention in the previous thread.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:32:08 -0800

If Star Wars gets the flares then Star Trek gets to wipes and dissolves.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:32:36 -0800

Works for me.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:32:48 -0800

It is a period of civil war in space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base - the starship Enterprise - have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, its five-year mission: to destroy an entire planet, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before and restore freedom to the galaxy....

By: jquinby

jquinby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:32:49 -0800

This is about the point where we derail into Joss Whedon what-ifs, chief among them: which minor (but suddenly important character) gets killed 2/3rds of the way through the film.

By: Servo5678

Servo5678 — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:32:59 -0800

With JJ Abrams directing the next Star Wars, I'm calling it right now that The Force is caused by Walter Bishop's Cortexiphan.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:35:32 -0800

He's a competent director, but I did not like his Star Trek at all. Maybe with a good script, and attention to practical effects this will be okay. But I have a bad feeling about this. I'm calling it right now that The Force is caused by Walter Bishop's Cortexiphan. On the up side: John Noble in Star Wars? Fuck yeah. Also: Benedict Cumberbatch as Thrawn would do okay.

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:35:58 -0800

If J.J. Abrams manages make a Star Wars movie that is as much better than Revenge of the Sith as his Star Trek was from Nemesis, I'll be pretty damn happy. Though really I'm just hoping that somehow he'll be able to make some sort of reference that makes it in-universe true that Rambaldi and/or Sydney Bristow were actually Jedis. But I'm trapped in the past, that way.

By: Pinback

Pinback — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:36:34 -0800

Yeah, you can all cry or joke about it now. Let's see how you deal when Michael Bay is tapped to direct Episodes 8 and 9 back-to-back…

By: chimaera

chimaera — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:36:45 -0800

But now I do wonder if Simon Pegg will get a role in Episode VII. I'm actually rooting for that to happen.

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:37:09 -0800

J. J. Abrams has never made a movie as bad as any of the prequels so there's that.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:37:47 -0800

I wonder if this means the Trek movies are done for now, in which case the way is open for a TV show - I'm kind of missing small screen big spaceship action.

By: Bunny Ultramod

Bunny Ultramod — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:37:56 -0800

Unless this next Star Wars movie is explicitly identified as a reboot, I wouldn't worry about lens flares or handheld cameras. JJA Abrams is a very skilled mimic of other filmmakers style, as he demonstrated with Super-8, which is a better Spielberg film than Spielberg has done in quite a while (thank goodness Spielberg has started doing well what he used to do poorly -- namely, adult dramas). I'm not mad about his monster designs so far, but I suspect he'll go full, classic-era George Lucas for this film, and so it will feel really Star Warsy, with really Star Warsy monsters and plot points and edits and scrolls. I'm not terribly worried. It's bound to be better than what Lucas would have done, and I day that as somebody who actually sort of like the recent versions.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:39:49 -0800

Simon Pegg is already in Clone Wars as the voice of Dengar, the bandaged up bounty hunter standing in the background in Empire.

By: dragoon

dragoon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:41:17 -0800

He can't do worse than George Lucas. I probably would have enjoyed ST2009 if it wasn't called Star Trek, as it didn't have the same feel as the Roddenberry works, so I'm cautiously optimistic about this. Just keep Lindelof away from it, please. Who I now see is doing the next Star Trek movie with Abrams, so there's your answer Artw.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:41:21 -0800

You guys, the screenplay is being written by Michael Arndt, who did Little Miss Sunshine and was one of the writers with John Lasseter on Toy Story 3. That's a good thing. And it means that Alan Arkin will be cast as The Force.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:41:40 -0800

JJA Abrams is a very skilled mimic of other filmmakers style Yeah, this. And given his interest in interplay with fandom, I sort of idly wonder about creating a big web presence demanding that the film use entirely practical and in-camera effects.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:42:28 -0800

Yeah, I'm good with this. I don't really care about Star Wars any more, but I do like big science fiction adventurey stuff that has a brain and a heart, and though I'd have loved Brad Bird or Joss Whedon to do this, I think Abrams is a much better choice than many others that could have been made. I expect the final product will infuriate millions of superfan types no matter how good it is, but that it'll be miles better than Lucas's last 3 efforts.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:42:44 -0800

I'm just upset that I wasn't considered for the yet nonexistent un-filmed pilot SHIELD series. I mean that's the *real* outrage here. do you need a cheap James Urbaniak call me

By: sammyo

sammyo — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:42:51 -0800

Thank you Bunny, good point, the art directors and graphic technicians at Skywalker Ranch have most of the production covered, basically any decent plot that moves along and isn't blatantly jaja racist will make for a fun evening.

By: azpenguin

azpenguin — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:42:55 -0800

The Empire thought it had eliminated all the little vulnerabilities from the newest Death Star, and the rebels could not do anything to stop it... until someone figured out how to beam photon torpedoes into the middle decks.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:42:57 -0800

I was watching The History of Film last night, and the narrator called the original Star Wars plot 'the most absurd in the history of film so far'. Honestly, I hope he does what he did with Star Trek: create a fun film that pisses off the fanboys. And I was one of those Star Wars fanboys.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:43:37 -0800

I wonder if this means the Trek movies are done for now, in which case the way is open for a TV show - I'm kind of missing small screen big spaceship action. I wonder what a Trek show would be like if it was given backing by an AMC or HBO.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:43:41 -0800

my issue is not so much who is directing it, but WHY will there be another star wars? JAR JAR BINKS, though. . it isn't possible to make it worse than whatever the f that was

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:43:50 -0800

as he demonstrated with Super-8, which is a better Spielberg film than Spielberg has done in quite a while I found Super 8 spooky cause it so well mimicked the tone of those movies that it also imitated all of the flaws. Spooky!

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:44:10 -0800

I want a Jedi Rancor to fight an AT-AT. I WANT A JEDI RANCOR TO FIGHT AN AT-AT.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:44:13 -0800

And it means that Alan Arkin will be cast as The Force. "C'mon guys, I'm not really 'the' force so much as 'a' force. I mean, there's also gravity, strong and weak for three. Also, just because I'm a force - lower case f - doesn't mean that I am going to force you to do anything. That's a complete stereotype. Are you going to have that donut?"

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:44:38 -0800

I wonder what a Trek show would be like if it was given backing by an AMC or HBO. we talked about this an another thread but STARFLEET MEDICAL DRAMA. Space doctors without Space borders. It writes itself.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:44:49 -0800

ninjew: "my issue is not so much who is directing it, but WHY will there be another star wars? Disney did not pay four billion dollars for LucasFilm so they could sell boxsets of the six existing movies at retail.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:45:14 -0800

The Lucas prequels were more enjoyable than the last Star Trek, in my opinion. So there.

By: Edward L

Edward L — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:46:21 -0800

I heard Peter Jackson is being tapped to direct Episode 8, but he's going to do it in 3 parts.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:46:30 -0800

> jaja racist Reading that in Jar Jar's voice made my night.

By: Sebmojo

Sebmojo — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:47:00 -0800

The Lucas prequels were more enjoyable than the last Star Trek, in my opinion. So there. There's no shame in being wrong. This is a safe space.

By: zzazazz

zzazazz — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:47:27 -0800

I was hoping more for Brad Bird but maybe Abrams will go all Super 8 and make a retro feeling Star Wars movie?

By: Sebmojo

Sebmojo — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:47:58 -0800

Also - holy shit there are some terrible jokes in this thread. Whatever comic potential you think lens flare might have? You are wrong.

By: computech_apolloniajames

computech_apolloniajames — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:47:59 -0800

It'll be a hot day on Hoth before Harrison Ford signs on to another Star Wars movie.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:48:26 -0800

I was watching The History of Film last night, and the narrator called the original Star Wars plot 'the most absurd in the history of film so far'. "Star Wars" is like getting a box of Cracker Jack which is all prizes. This is the writer-director George Lucas's own film, subject to no business interference, yet it's a film that's totally uninterested in anything that doesn't connect with the mass audience. There's no breather in the picture, no lyricism; the only attempt at beauty is in the double sunset. It's enjoyable on its own terms, but it's exhausting, too: like taking a pack of kids to the circus. An hour into it, children say that they're ready to see it again; that's because it's an assemblage of spare parts—it has no emotional grip. "Star Wars" may be the only movie in which the first time around the surprises are reassuring.... It's an epic without a dream. But it's probably the absence of wonder that accounts for the film's special, huge success. The excitement of those who call it the film of the year goes way past nostalgia to the feeling that now is the time to return to childhood.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:48:27 -0800

I heard Peter Jackson is being tapped to direct Episode 8, but he's going to do it in 3 parts. At this point, he'd probably split it up into 18 parts.

By: ShutterBun

ShutterBun — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:48:50 -0800

And it means that Alan Arkin will be cast as The Force. "C'mon guys, I'm not really 'the' force so much as 'a' force. I mean, there's also gravity, strong and weak for three. Also, just because I'm a force - lower case f - doesn't mean that I am going to force you to do anything. That's a complete stereotype. Are you going to have that donut?" "This Force thing...we're not talking about it. We're just speaking about it, as an idea. As a concept. I mean, I can't...I have no confidence. I can't push through. It's just...GESTAPO TACTICS!"

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:48:57 -0800

I hear Guillermo del Toro has been tapped to do Part 9 but he'll get shitcanned from it like three times.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:49:50 -0800

I really dislike the idea of one guy being at the helm of the only two big screen space opera properties.

By: Ad hominem

Ad hominem — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:49:59 -0800

Predictable. I'd really like to see Nicolas Refn or Michael Mann take on Star Wars. Maybe a languid tale of a small time crook and the criminal underworld of Mos Eisley. Full of brooding night time speeder drives through the deserted downtown and and an explosive final showdown at the Mos Eisley Cantina.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:50:35 -0800

(Coming up with new big screen space opera properties would be great, of course. Then we could leave Abrams to do what he wants.)

By: KHAAAN!

KHAAAN! — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:50:45 -0800

J.J. Abrams is a shallow filmmaker, with no respect for source material. He'll make some shiny thing that will impress non-fans, and make a metric fuckton of money for the studio. Time to move on.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:51:13 -0800

Jim Jarmusch.

By: ShutterBun

ShutterBun — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:51:35 -0800

the only attempt at beauty is in the double sunset. That's gotta be Pauline Kael, if my memory as an outraged 7 year old reading her review is correct. I still remember that quote, and taste the rage in my mouth as I read it 30+ years ago.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:52:41 -0800

J.J. Abrams is a shallow filmmaker, with no respect for source material. He'll make some shiny thing that will impress non-fans, and make a metric fuckton of money for the studio. Time to move on. I think this is a good thing. I grew up with Star Wars, and originally it was a cheesy adventure movie cobbled together from whatever Lucas loved, plus his politics and input from talented collaborators. All the 'respect' that's needed is getting back that fun tone. And given that he managed to turn Star Trek, which since Next Gen has been Boring People Having Space Meetings, into a swashbucking adventure I think it'll be fine. Too much love for continuity and expanded universe stuff will kill it.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:52:56 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then?

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:53:00 -0800

brundlefly: "I really dislike the idea of one guy being at the helm of the only two big screen space opera properties." Properties that were originally very different things. Rodenberry and Lucas had some seriously divergent visions of what you do with optimistic, star-hopping science fiction, and it was nice to have those two voices out there doing their own things, even when they evolved under the watch of either different people or the same person with serious money-inflicted brain damage. And how are we supposed to have decades-long, all-consuming nerd battles over Trek vs. Wars now? I'm supposed to do useful things with my life?

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:53:12 -0800

What the fuck, I like Abrams. Lindelof, however, I would kill, and spend the rest of my days in jail accepting presents.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:53:17 -0800

It'll be a hot day on Hoth before Harrison Ford signs on to another Star Wars movie. He did Indy 4, didn't he? And Jedi. Ford's big bugbear with Star Wars seems of have been Lucas' terrible directing of actors. He could be convinced back, whether we would see him back in any convincing role is another. I just hope the script is okay.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:54:13 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then Rian Johnson (Brick, Looper), whoever directed Dredd 3D, whoever directed The Losers, one of those great direct to DVD filmmakers Outlaw Vern is raving out. Oddball choice: The guy behind Beyond the Black Rainbow.

By: ShutterBun

ShutterBun — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:54:37 -0800

J.J. Abrams is a shallow filmmaker, with no respect for source material. He'll make some shiny thing that will impress non-fans, and make a metric fuckton of money for the studio. Time to move on. posted by KHAAAN! Epony-outrage?

By: KHAAAN!

KHAAAN! — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:55:24 -0800

Yep.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:55:36 -0800

The Michael Haneke Star Wars would be two hours about Darth Vader and The Emperor's working relationship; constant mind games, politicking and petty cruelties. Either that, or something about Luke and his sister.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:55:44 -0800

Modern day Harrison Ford does not have the canny sense for good projects that 80s Ford did, it's true.

By: dng

dng — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:55:51 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then? Duncan Jones. Even if only to see how he could manage to squeeze The One And Only by Chesney Hawkes into it.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:55:55 -0800

It'll be a hot day on Hoth before Harrison Ford signs on to another Star Wars movie. 'Star Wars' sequel: Harrison Ford open to idea of Han Solo role

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:56:04 -0800

I really want to see Andrew Stanton given a shot. But I think we need MeFi's Own George Lucas to come in and sharfe his thoughts.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:56:43 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then? Hal Hartley.

By: snofoam

snofoam — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:57:14 -0800

I was hoping for Wes Anderson.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:57:40 -0800

Should have been Sofia Coppola.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:57:45 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then? Edgar Wright.

By: hydropsyche

hydropsyche — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:58:58 -0800

Thank you all so much. Just taking a break from grading the worst lab reports ever (until the first set next semester) and I desperately needed to laugh so hard that the cat ran away.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:58:59 -0800

Edgar Wright would have been perfect.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:59:01 -0800

'Star Wars' sequel: Harrison Ford open to idea of Han Solo role What's Han going to do first this time? Point at greedo and growl at him indignantly? Shout "you get off my ship?!?" Should have been Sofia Coppola. I would watch the hell out of Bill Murray as old Han Solo.

By: Atom Eyes

Atom Eyes — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:59:05 -0800

JAR JAR BINKS, though. . it isn't possible to make it worse than whatever the f that was If Abrams is smart, this will be the first scene of the movie: Interior: Spaceship Jar Jar: "Meesa have to be goin' now. Meesa planet need me!" Cut to: Title Card, which reads: Jar Jar Binks died on the trip back to Gungan.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:59:19 -0800

Francis Ford Coppola. To make up for the fact he stole Lucas' Apocalypse Now.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:59:24 -0800

Tom Six?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:00:12 -0800

Rian Johnson Well, yes okay, The Brothers Bloom is also fantastic, BTW. Dredd is surpirsingly well constructed and minimalist, it is exactly what it says it is, a Judge Dredd 24 page short story, the Attack The Block is too busy writing Ant Man ( i kniw right?) and Duncan Jones? i....paired with the right screenwriter sure. Wait what about the Landis guy behind Chronicle? I so did not hate that at all. David Fury is stuck in SHEILD and Spooky zhollow I think, whats Marti Noxon doing thats not Mad Men episodes?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:01:52 -0800

Should have been Sofia Coppola. You have no idea how hard I would watch this.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:02:18 -0800

Wait what about the Landis guy behind Chronicle? I so did not hate that at all. I kind of dislike his Superman thing, mostly becaUse he complained that Superman should be Grimdark somewhere or other.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:02:20 -0800

Thus far Duncan Jones has managed to intrigue me and then severely disappoint me twice, so.

By: KHAAAN!

KHAAAN! — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:02:24 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then? Duncan Jones? Neil Blomkamp? Danny Boyle?

By: LobsterMitten

LobsterMitten — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:02:25 -0800

Have it be an anthology of travelogues by bounty hunters, Jim Jarmusch directs.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:02:28 -0800

Landis is making the new Fantastic Four, so I assume he'll be busy doing an FF trilogy. But he could make a great Lando film.

By: dng

dng — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:02:30 -0800

If Abrams is smart, this will be the first scene of the movie: Interior: Spaceship Jar Jar: "Meesa have to be goin' now. Meesa planet need me!" Cut to: Title Card, which reads: Jar Jar Binks died on the trip back to Gungan. I'd quite like to see him adapt this story.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:03:04 -0800

Abrams reflects on his position in geekdom.

By: ShutterBun

ShutterBun — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:04:05 -0800

John Favreau seems to have a good knack for mixing special effects with attention to character & story, which would be essential for this kind of project.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:04:33 -0800

> Title Card, which reads: Jar Jar Binks died on the trip back to Gungan. Our focus group research indicates that 94% of audience members over the age of six want to *see* Jar Jar die.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:05:27 -0800

Felicity show-runner J.J. Abrams Good lord. It's 2013.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:05:38 -0800

Yeah but Favreau would insist it be done almost all improv, ala the first Iron Movie. Which BTW, how insane was that idea, lets largely improv a huge big budget summer movie.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:06:32 -0800

Oh wait, got it, Joe Jonson, art director for the Indy movies, Director of the Rocketteer and Captain America, got 40s style republic adventure serials in his bones.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:07:00 -0800

whoever directed Dredd 3D Pete Travis, though there's a little controversy to that. If you were going to drag someone off of Dredd in really I'd go for screenwriter Alex Garland. Also steal all the actors, especially Lena Headey. Let's face it, Urban is a given already.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:07:04 -0800

Which BTW, how ~~insane~~ aweome was that idea, lets largely improv a huge big budget summer movie.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:07:07 -0800

Poor Jar Jar gets no love. He's better in Clone Wars. Seriously.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:07:17 -0800

And it will be cool to see William Shatner get shaggy with Carrie Fisher. I told you before, we have already seen Kirk's dad and Leia's mom making out.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:07:51 -0800

Artw: " Let's face it, Urban is a given already." Nothing that interferes with Urban playing Bones until the end of time, thanks.

By: ShutterBun

ShutterBun — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:08:04 -0800

Landis is making the new Fantastic Four, so I assume he'll be busy doing an FF trilogy. Josh Trank is directing the FF reboot, and he directed Chronicle, but I don't think Max Landis has anything to do with the FF reboot.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:08:04 -0800

Yeah but Favreau would insist it be done almost all improv, ala the first Iron Movie. Is that why the first one is good and the second one is so flat?

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:09:21 -0800

Nothing that interferes with Urban playing Bones until the end of time, thanks. In the unlikely event of a Dredd sequel it can be no-one else.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:09:37 -0800

The second one has good moments, ive decided. Its just totally unfocused and has to soent its entire finak act setting uo Avengers. The side effect is that its better in retrospect, cause now you know who spy lady and spooky guy are.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:09:41 -0800

My mistake. Carry on then.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:09:49 -0800

We could probably solve the world economic crisis if they'd just name the new movie: Star Wars VII: The Death of Jar Jar.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:10:00 -0800

And yes Alex Garland needs more money to do things.

By: schmod

schmod — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:10:20 -0800

Please, please, please find a role for John Noble in this.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:10:47 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then? Edgar Wright. This is the only answer, and I can't believe I didn't think of it. Which BTW, how insane aweome was that idea, lets largely improv a huge big budget summer movie Weren't most of the best bits in Star Wars improved? Tthere was a bad Cracked 'what if Guilermo del Toro directed Star Wars?' mini photoshop thing. I'd see it - actual alien aliens and great plotting.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:10:53 -0800

The Whelk: "Oh wait, got it, Joe Jonson, art director for the Indy movies, Director of the Rocketteer and Captain America, got 40s style republic adventure serials in his bones." Oh, yeah. Can't believe I forgot about him. He'd be perfect.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:11:00 -0800

oor Jar Jar gets no love. He's better in Clone Wars. Seriously. He's bearable. Testiment to the insane degree Clone Wars makes everything in the prequels better.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:11:08 -0800

I would watch a Lars Von Trier "Star Wars"

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:11:43 -0800

ArtW, I don't want to get your hopes up too high, put apparently the odds for a Dredd sequel have just gone up, however incrementally.

By: dng

dng — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:11:55 -0800

Tthere was a bad Cracked 'what if Guilermo del Toro directed Star Wars?' mini photoshop thing. I'd see it - actual alien aliens and great plotting. And Ron Perlman. It'd be the best Star Wars ever

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:12:09 -0800

Although it just hit me that Attack The Block and Dredd have like, the same premise.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:15:58 -0800

I was hoping for Wes Anderson. I would see that 11 times AND buy the blu-ray box set. can you just imagine the life size cutaway Millenium Falcon diorama for the tracking shots?

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:17:56 -0800

Guilermo del Toro's Star Wars with Ron Perlman and John Noble has set a bar so high reality will never match it. Since apparently we're not going to get At The Mountains of Madness any time soon. Also, Ron Perlman and John Noble should be in that if it is ever made.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:18:24 -0800

Although it just hit me that Attack The Block and Dredd have like, the same premise. I haven't seen Attack The Block, but I thought Dredd was The Raid: Redemption. Imagine a Death Star raid filmed Dredd style. Lightsaber fights, banter, TK. There must be some crossover between people who've worked on the two franchises, but I don't know enough about either to know who. Probably some great British comic people.

By: Bunny Ultramod

Bunny Ultramod — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:18:35 -0800

I liked Dredd, although I felt it lacked the comic's sharp satiric edge. Then I discovered the theme to Snuff Box is used in it, and decided the satire was there and I just missed it.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:20:07 -0800

So then, Star Wars Into Darkness?

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:20:10 -0800

Oh god. This is like 1980 all over again.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:20:44 -0800

ArtW, I don't want to get your hopes up too high, put apparently the odds for a Dredd sequel have just gone up, however incrementally. Tiny bit, but it's still insanely unlikely what with distributors losing money on it - no investors would touch it. I dunno, maybe Boyle will go insane and decide to make it with his own money.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:21:20 -0800

If The Fifth Element = Heavy Metal then Dredd = 2000 AD ( duh ). I could see it being off putting if you weren't familiar with the minimalist, bone dry and pitch black humor and efficiency of the source material. Likewise with The Fifth Element if you didn't allready have a grounding in the multicolored, goofy, expansive French comics tradition it was riffing on.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:21:26 -0800

I want John Noble in everything too but apparently he has health problems that made shooting some of the last season of Fringe dificult and so I'd rather he stay home.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:21:58 -0800

I dunno, maybe Boyle will go insane and decide to make it with his own money. That's what Lucas did and look where we are now.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:23:07 -0800

Likewise with The Fifth Element if you didn't allready have a grounding in the multicolored, goofy, expansive French comics tradition it was riffing on. What? There is no reason ever to dislike The Fifth Element. Even if your father was murdered by Ruby Rod.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:23:31 -0800

I could see it being off putting if you weren't familiar with the minimalist, bone dry and pitch black humor and efficiency of the source material. Likewise with The Fifth Element if you didn't allready have a grounding in the multicolored, goofy, expansive French comics tradition it was riffing on. I hadn't read any of the source material and loved it. I guess the failure of Dredd and Scott Pilgrim shows that actually giving the fans what they want - faithful, well-made, stylized movies - is box office poison. I'm not sure what that'll say about Star Trek. Oddly enough, I had kinda the same experiance with Abrams Star Trek. I only liked the original series and was surprised how fun the movie was.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:23:36 -0800

I want John Noble in everything too but apparently he has health problems that made shooting some of the last season of Fringe dificult and so I'd rather he stay home. Solution: set up a green screen in Sydney and edit him in. It's seemless. You could not tell they did that with Sir Christopher Lee in The Hobbit at all.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:23:49 -0800

Werner Herzog is really the only answer.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:24:14 -0800

I want John Noble in everything too but apparently he has health problems that made shooting some of the last season of Fringe dificult and so I'd rather he stay home. Oh no! Can we steal the red universe one?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:25:46 -0800

But that one is Evil!

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:26:42 -0800

Look, the Star Wars universe has grown so big you need an experienced director who has a history of coordinating multiple plotlines and characters. Skills with retro styling a plus. Therefore, the only choice is Garry Marshall to direct Star Wars VII: Life Day.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:28:11 -0800

Now I want to see John Cassavetes's Star Wars movie.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:28:56 -0800

I'd suggest Night on Earth but with a space taxi, but there's probably already a Clone Wars episode like that.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:29:28 -0800

Alfred Hitchcock presents Star Wars. A man tries to turn a droid into a perfect recreation of a woman he met only once.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:30:40 -0800

A Gunga Under the Influence.

By: rough ashlar

rough ashlar — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:32:16 -0800

Have it be an anthology of travelogues by bounty hunters This is something someone could make a youtube of. 3-15 mins, use shots from various sources. If one has some kind of degree from an art school - a way to show your work.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:32:16 -0800

Penny Marshall and Ron Howard.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:32:32 -0800

Holy shit it just hit me that Kevin Smith looks like a young George Lucas.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:32:33 -0800

Therefore, the only choice is Garry Marshall to direct Star Wars VII: Life Day. I thought Garry Marshall was the villain in Star Trekkin' 2: Darkness.

By: jquinby

jquinby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:33:22 -0800

A man tries to turn a droid into a perfect recreation of a woman he met only once. Maybe Peter Greenaway instead? Lots of time-lapse photography of rusting droids. Mumbled dialogue. At the end, Lando eats Han for dinner while Adagio for Strings plays in the background.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:33:44 -0800

Ron Howard They should just wrap it into the Arrested Development movie.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:34:04 -0800

Pedro Almodóvar. A young man in Startrooper basic training develops a fixation on his older instructor who is in fact a rebel spy and he becomes torn between a conspiracy of hearts and politics.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:34:08 -0800

D.W. Griffith's Birth of an Empire. (The rebels are the bad guys)

By: ook

ook — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:34:30 -0800

Hal Hartley. HAN: It's my memoirs. My confession. LUKE: What have you done? HAN: I've been bad. Repeatedly.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:34:42 -0800

DAVID FINCHER. I win.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:34:50 -0800

Pedro Almodóvar. I didn't even read the rest of your comment before I loved this idea.

By: Rustic Etruscan

Rustic Etruscan — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:34:52 -0800

But the rebels are the good guys in Griffith. François Truffaut presents Star Wars. A young boy on a distant planet yearns for adventure despite his overbearing adoptive parents.

By: cnelson

cnelson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:35:13 -0800

This is a good thing if only because it means Josh Halloway is now at top of the list of actors up for the Han Solo equivalent role

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:35:23 -0800

A young man in Startrooper basic training develops a fixation on his older instructor who is in fact a rebel spy and his torn between a conspiracy of hearts and politics. His long lost dad is a robot-impersonator.

By: Ber

Ber — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:36:47 -0800

I could live with Edgar Wright, Del Toro, or....Alfonso Cuarón. Yeah, you know it. I just hit that fucker outa the park.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:37:00 -0800

This is a good thing if only because it means Josh Halloway is now at top of the list of actors up for the Han Solo equivalent role Just under Nathan Fillion. You know it makes sense.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:37:15 -0800

Another sad robot drag show, another man belting out dirty jokes in binary all dressed up in glittery circuit boards and tubing.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:37:37 -0800

Nathan Fillion is already a Han Solo equivalent in day-to-day life.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:37:58 -0800

I could live with Edgar Wright, Del Toro, or....Alfonso Cuarón. Yeah, you know it. I just hit that fucker outa the park. Does that mean we have to wait around forever?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:37:58 -0800

Alfonso Cuarón Actually wait no ....perfect.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:38:00 -0800

John McTiernan.

By: jquinby

jquinby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:38:00 -0800

Uwe Boll's BLOODSTARR: WAR OF THE ROBOTS

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:38:47 -0800

It needs to be written by Shane Black.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:38:48 -0800

Shia La Boof as Jar Jar. I refuse to spell his name right.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:38:54 -0800

If only for " Only HP movie that actually seemed to take place in a magical universe" cred.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:40:13 -0800

Also Y Tu Mama

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:40:29 -0800

The Asylum's Starry Wars.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:40:36 -0800

Shane Black is busy! What about the guy who did the original, coherent script for Prometheus? David Spaiths?

By: KHAAAN!

KHAAAN! — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:41:05 -0800

Paul Verhoeven. I win, damn it.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:41:34 -0800

It's a shame Hal Warren is no longer available.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:41:52 -0800

Neill Blomkamp

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:41:57 -0800

Roger Corman's Battle Beyond the Stars

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:42:06 -0800

Star Wars VII: Y Tu Papa Tambien

By: jquinby

jquinby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:42:10 -0800

Actually reboot the whole thing in Hong Kong: Raise The Red Star, Tattoo Triad. I'd watch the shit out of that.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:42:17 -0800

Will Robert Picardo voice a droid?

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:42:22 -0800

We need somebody who, like George Lucas, has a deep love for old Westerns and samurai films. Somebody who can incorporate his politics into a story of action and adventure. A man who can take the best bits of old cinema and make something new. We need Quintin Tarantino's Star Wars.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:43:16 -0800

Quentin Tarantino as C3PO

By: coolxcool=rad

coolxcool=rad — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:44:09 -0800

Alfonso Cuarón I was just about to mention him but then I thought that his style is a little too hard-sci-fi for this. On the other hand, he's pretty good at taking a small, tight cast on an adventure. Anyway, whoever directs it, I just hope that they go to some new planets for a change.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:44:11 -0800

We need Quintin Tarantino's Star Wars. I don't think he'd be able to get away with saying 'Nigger' a billion times in Star Wars. He'd have to turn it down.

By: Rustic Etruscan

Rustic Etruscan — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:44:26 -0800

"What does Darth Vader look like?"

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:44:48 -0800

Quentin Tarantino's Star Wars.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:45:25 -0800

BROKEN LIZARD

By: rifflesby

rifflesby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:45:40 -0800

Warren Ellis.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:45:52 -0800

Neill Blomkamp Serious Q: Is this suggestion based on anything other than District 9? Because I did not love District 9.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:46:16 -0800

Quentin Tarantino's Star Wars. Oh my. I remember seeing that in the late 1990s in Real Media!

By: Grimgrin

Grimgrin — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:47:35 -0800

Chris Avellone.

By: KHAAAN!

KHAAAN! — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:49:09 -0800

A Tarantino Star Wars would be three hours long (but feel a lot shorter), have tons of snappy dialogue, and little, if any, whiz-bang effects. Pretty much the polar opposite of Lucas' prequels. Hmmm...

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:49:47 -0800

Chris Avellone. I haven't even played KOTR 2 and I'm ready to do this based just on Fallout New Vegas. Ceaser's Legion is a great Evil Empire (though maybe some might argue the NCR will head that way eventually. I side with House, like a good Futurist).

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:50:01 -0800

They could always ask David Lynch again. Or Cronenberg.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:50:20 -0800

Warren Ellis' treatment for Star Wars had too many penis guns and drug addled supercomputers for the studio.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:50:54 -0800

phaedon: "John McTiernan." I figure his going to jail would affect the shooting schedule.

By: jquinby

jquinby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:51:30 -0800

I was mulling over a Cronenberg Star Wars and had to stop. For reals.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:52:05 -0800

I figure his going to jail would affect the shooting schedule. Shut up. Why is he in jail? I'll forgive almost anything.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:52:15 -0800

penis guns Oh, hey, how about Cronenberg?

By: Grimgrin

Grimgrin — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:54:27 -0800

David Cronenberg directing a movie set in the Yuuzhan Vong invasion would actually work pretty well.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:54:31 -0800

We need Quintin Tarantino's Star Wars. Obi-Wan: I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough. The way your father looked at it, this light saber was your birthright. He'd be damned if any clone put their filthy hands on his boy's birthright, so he hid it, in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this light saber up his ass. Then when he ~~fell in the lava~~ was murdered, he gave me the light saber. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, a few years ago, I suddenly remembered it was there. And now, little man, I give the light saber to you. Luke: Guess I wasn't the only one with too much of my father in him.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:54:59 -0800

A Tarantino Star Wars would be three hours long (but feel a lot shorter), have tons of snappy dialogue, and little, if any, whiz-bang effects. Pretty much the polar opposite of Lucas' prequels. Yep. A Tarantino Star Wars would be better than the best possible Star Wars by any other director or writer (as long as he kept the profanity out of it - not that I mind it in his other films, but it would ruin Star Wars). There's nobody else working today who can match him making a film with lots of shooting and swordplay but with a real story and dialogue that is both clever and funny. And he knows how to work with a cinematographer to get things to look amazing.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:55:05 -0800

Tarantino as C3-P0 and he goes out in the same way he did in Django.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:56:54 -0800

phaedon: "Shut up. Why is he in jail? I'll forgive almost anything." 'Die Hard' Director John McTiernan Headed to Prison After Supreme Court Denies Appeal

John McTiernan, who directed such hit movies as Die Hard and The Hunt for Red October, will likely soon be headed to federal prison in connection with his role in the Anthony Pellicano wiretapping scandal. McTiernan was sentenced in late 2010 to one year in prison and a fine of $100,000 after pleading guilty to making false statements to the FBI in its investigation into the activities of Pellicano, the former Hollywood private detective who already is behind bars.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:58:36 -0800

'Die Hard' Director John McTiernan Headed to Prison After Supreme Court Denies Appeal Phew, that article is a year old. He should be out any time now!

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:01:13 -0800

I would actually forgive up to three medium directorial sins if somewhere in there Han turns to Chewie and says "I hope Lumpy liked his Life Day present."

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:01:59 -0800

A year old? "1/15/2013" Or am I missing something?

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:04:11 -0800

Ah, shit.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:04:50 -0800

Kathryn Bigelow's The Force Locker.

By: Rustic Etruscan

Rustic Etruscan — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:07:31 -0800

Which would take place entirely on Tatooine, I suppose.

By: rocketman

rocketman — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:09:04 -0800

I wonder what a Trek show would be like if it was given backing by an AMC or HBO. You do know that VIACOM (CBS, Paramount) owns Star Trek, right? And that Les Moonves hates Star Trek?

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:10:36 -0800

shakespeherian: "They should just wrap it into the Arrested Development movie." V/O: Although Han had ordered a star ship, due to a malfunction in the protocol droid's software, he wound up with something different. Luke: There's a freighter with an escalator welded onto it in the docking bay. It seems like a~ Leia: Like a stair ship? Luke: Yeah. Later, Luke and Leia will sing Afternoon Delight.

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:12:26 -0800

I just went on a nerd rant on twitter about how JJ Abrams crammed Star Trek full of Star Wars puppets and pretty much threw his hands in the air on xenobiology (he even blew up Vulcan! One of the richest cultures in the Star Trek universe!) and how I'm really happy for him to turn his attention to actual Star Wars instead. Let him blow up Alderaan. Oh, wait.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:12:56 -0800

Oh hey they should get MC Chris to direct.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:13:39 -0800

No votes for Kaufman, huh? Ah, you fuckers couldn't handle it.

By: rocketman

rocketman — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:13:43 -0800

But on topic: this could be okay. I feel like Star Wars has a lot of storytelling potential, though they're going to have to grind out some blockbusters before the good personal films get made.

By: Ad hominem

Ad hominem — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:16:26 -0800

Most of the ones I'd like to see are impossible. A Capra version. Through a case of mistaken identity a hobo with a heart of gold from a backwater planet gets elected to the galactic senate, stands up against monied interests and saves the kid's galactic scout program with plain spoken homespun wisdom. Two Billy Wilder versions. 40s Wilder. Han was dead all along. Luke slowly descends into alcoholism and is confined to a locked detox ward. 50s Wilder: Two hepcat musicians must dress as storm troopers to make it across the galaxy for a gig. Along the way one falls in love with a rebel. John Ford version.Imperial outpost commander must deal with assault on homesteading community by Jawas. Has elaborate dance sequence and Imperial commander spanks several women for back talking. Maybe we can skip that one. Peckinpah version: Group of outlaws take on both the rebels and the empire. Ultra realistic meditation on the nature of violence featuring a 45 minute slow motion blaster battle.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:19:21 -0800

Two Billy Wilder versions YES Also: Ernst Lubitsch.

By: mediated self

mediated self — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:19:57 -0800

No votes for Uwe Boll?

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:25:56 -0800

Courtney Solomon. Re-teamed with Jeremy Irons.

By: Sebmojo

Sebmojo — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:27:45 -0800

I haven't seen Attack The Block, but I thought Dredd was The Raid: Redemption. They're essentially identical in their basic plot. All involved swear black and blue it was a coincidence and the timing backs them up.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:29:24 -0800

A Capra version. Through a case of mistaken identity a hobo with a heart of gold from a backwater planet gets elected to the galactic senate, stands up against monied interests and saves the kid's galactic scout program with plain spoken homespun wisdom. I'm pretty sure you just described the Jar Jar Binks subplot from Episode 2.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:31:47 -0800

Except Jar Jar was not known for hesa "plain spoken homespun wisdom".

By: C^3

C^3 — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:32:41 -0800

AFTER SEEING THE GRANDMASTER I THINK THE BEST DIRECTOR FOR THE NEW STAR WARS WOULD BE WONG KAR-WAI.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:33:35 -0800

PT Anderson in full Boogie Nights mode.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:37:17 -0800

No, in The Master mode. All about the Force.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:40:48 -0800

It would be cool to see a Star Wars with a bit of a Barry Lyndon reference. Try shooting interior scenes lit with actual candles to an average lighting volume of only three candela. It would give Stars Wars a unique, visual style to set it apart from other costume dramas.

By: jquinby

jquinby — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:41:33 -0800

Lerner and Loewe's Starlight Serenade.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:42:02 -0800

Aunt Beru: Where are you going? Luke: Looks like I'm going nowhere... And you don't know what I can do! You don't know what I can do, what I'm gonna do, or what I'm gonna be! I'm good! I have good things and you don't know about! I'm gonna be something! I am! And don't fucking tell me I'm not! I'm gonna finish cleaning those 'droids.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:42:19 -0800

It would be cool to see a Star Wars with a bit of a Barry Lyndon reference. Try shooting interior scenes lit with actual candles to an average lighting volume of only three candela. And when Anakin tries for the first time in his life to do the right thing and spare his son, his son just goes ahead and shoots him in the leg. I really fucking love Barry Lyndon

By: Sebmojo

Sebmojo — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:42:39 -0800

AFTER SEEING THE GRANDMASTER I THINK THE BEST DIRECTOR FOR THE NEW STAR WARS WOULD BE WONG KAR-WAI. No, John Woo. Twinfisting blaster pistols while flying through as six-winged alien doves flutter mournfully up through the windows of the space church.

By: straight

straight — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:48:46 -0800

Except Jar Jar was not known for hesa "plain spoken homespun wisdom". Except maybe in George Lucas's script notes.

By: C^3

C^3 — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:48:54 -0800

Twinfisting blaster pistols while flying through as six-winged alien doves flutter mournfully up through the windows of the space church. I would have agreed with this until seeing The Grandmaster. Lightsaber battles in the rain with water artfully twirling off of the hems of their robes as they spin and parry, then punctuated with unfulfilled yearning and the realization that the true enemy is not the dark side but the oppressive passage of time and fleetingness of the present.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:50:09 -0800

Terrence Malick's Star Wars.

By: clvrmnky

clvrmnky — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:50:44 -0800

Yuck. This might be the second-worst person to write the next instalment. The first is, of course, Lucas.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:51:29 -0800

Director != writer.

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:52:35 -0800

Guy Ritchie Why are you all looking at me that way?

By: Apocryphon

Apocryphon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:52:43 -0800

Serious Q: Is this suggestion based on anything other than District 9? Yellow. Tetra Vaal. Tempbot. Halo shorts.

By: Brocktoon

Brocktoon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:53:21 -0800

I hope you guys don't feel obligated to hold on to your despair when this movie comes out and blows your mind.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:55:08 -0800

Maya Deren's version follows Leia on a trip to the cantina. She falls asleep on the way. A butterfly lands on her face... Or is it the Millennium Falcon?

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:58:26 -0800

Yuck. This might be the second-worst person to write the next instalment. The first is, of course, Lucas. Abrams is not writing it. Michael Arndt is writing it.

By: chortly

chortly — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:59:14 -0800

Sofia Coppola doesn't seem so far afield to me. That opening scene of Somewhere is basically a remake of Lucas's 1:42.08. Though honestly, 95 minutes of spaceships shrieking overhead would be a heck of a lot better than most of the more likely alternatives I can think of.

By: The Nutmeg of Consolation

The Nutmeg of Consolation — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:59:22 -0800

I would have loved to see a Kurosawa version: a Galactic senator with ties to the Rebellion tries to lure a famous but aged general out of retirement to help her cause, while two bumbling (I dunno) droids wander around unwittingly carrying the Rebellion's entire fortune on their backs. Oh, wait....

By: RobotVoodooPower

RobotVoodooPower — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:02:49 -0800

You guys, the screenplay is being written by Michael Arndt, who did Little Miss Sunshine and was one of the writers with John Lasseter on Toy Story 3. That's good. I was hoping he wouldn't do what he did with the Star Trek reboot, which was hold it out like a smoldering turd to his Alias buddies and say "You guys know what this is? Can you take care of it?"

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:04:35 -0800

shakespeherian: "Jim Jarmusch." Yes! The first black-and-white psychedelic Star Wars road movie! I think.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:06:11 -0800

I'm picturing it as basically Broken Flowers with Han Solo.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:11:34 -0800

Well hell that might be watchable, laser brain!

By: 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a

922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:14:56 -0800

I never thought I'd live to see Episodes 7-8-9. Damn the future is awesome.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:18:00 -0800

I heard Peter Jackson is being tapped to direct Episode 8, but he's going to do it in 3 parts. Peter Jackson was asked to do remakes of episodes 1-3 and was heard to remark "three movies? There's not enough material here for 1!"

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:20:47 -0800

So then he did it in 4.

By: Huck500

Huck500 — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:24:09 -0800

Alfonso Cuaron, please.

By: empath

empath — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:24:35 -0800

Did you all see the preview for the new Star Trek in front of the Hobbit? I thought it was absolutely stunning. I can't wait to see what he does with Star Wars.

By: effugas

effugas — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:26:36 -0800

The movie-Trek universe is *absurdly* disconnected now. Quite literally, nothing from established canon really makes sense in Movie-Trek. That'd be fine, but it means we're really not likely to get Trek back on TV...I think...ever.

By: effugas

effugas — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:28:03 -0800

(Seriously. TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, ENT...all the movies...none of it ever happened in Movie-Trek.)

By: mobunited

mobunited — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:31:53 -0800

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:36:31 -0800

The informal, mostly-respected rule that there's not too much crossover in production interests between the Star Trek and Star Wars franchises exists for some pretty good reasons. I though Abrams' Star Trek was fun. I don't want to see exactly the same kind of thing again -- and we will see it, because his declared goal with Trek was to make it more like what he liked in Star Wars. Since Abrams Star Trek was fun and action-packed, maybe his Star Wars will have serious dipolmacy and people sitting in gray meeting halls discussing intergalactic laws. Wait... that was Episode 1.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:36:38 -0800

ENT happened in movie Trek, hence the dog joke.

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:38:59 -0800

I don't want to see exactly the same kind of thing again -- and we will see it, because his declared goal with Trek was to make it more like what he liked in Star Wars. After I posted upthread about how he blew up Vulcan, I realized (for the first time) that that trope as a stakes-raiser pretty much undoubtedly exists in 2009 Trek specifically because of Alderaan and my head exploded with nerd rage.

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:39:47 -0800

As long as Mark Hamill, as Luke, gets to do voice impressions of the Emperor to make the padawan younglings laugh, all the rest is superfluous to me.

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:42:41 -0800

You do know that VIACOM (CBS, Paramount) owns Star Trek, right? And that Les Moonves hates Star Trek? I alway say that Les Moonves is more Moonves.

By: TheSecretDecoderRing

TheSecretDecoderRing — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:44:33 -0800

Oh, man... The jokes. It could be worse (Bay), but I was hoping they'd pick someone who wasn't quite a big name (unless Bird counts), since now this'll be trumpeted as "JJ ABRAMS' Star Wars!" rather than just Star Wars. I assume he'll stay fairly in line with the established look and feel of the franchise, since that's a lot more limited than what Trek was, where you had a much more diverse range of styles, shows, movies, directors, writers, etc. But I hope he's familiar enough with the Clones Wars show to pick up some pointers from it. And to want to bring Dave Filoni on as a consultant. Oh, and no one's mentioned that Lawrence Kasdan was hired to write one of the episodes, so hopefully he'll have some input on VII also. Cue the self-deprecating Lindelof tweet...

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:45:33 -0800

fuck everything give it to michael bay

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:51:08 -0800

Artw: "Simon Pegg is already in Clone Wars as the voice of Dengar, the bandaged up bounty hunter standing in the background in Empire." As if I need to be told who Dengar is.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:54:38 -0800

After I posted upthread about how he blew up Vulcan, I realized (for the first time) that that trope as a stakes-raiser pretty much undoubtedly exists in 2009 Trek specifically because of Alderaan and my head exploded with nerd rage. I always saw it less as a stakes-raiser and more as a "we are definitely not snapping back to the old continuity" statement. Vulcans as endangered species makes the Trek universe a different place.

By: TheSecretDecoderRing

TheSecretDecoderRing — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:00:10 -0800

I speculated in the other thread about John Williams likely not returning, so if this means Michael Giacchino takes over, I'm sure that wouldn't be unpopular. I'm not looking forward to all the potential winking fanboy-pleasing Abramite cameos though (yeah, Lucas does the same thing, but... that's different).

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:01:57 -0800

After I posted upthread about how he blew up Vulcan, I realized (for the first time) that that trope as a stakes-raiser pretty much undoubtedly exists in 2009 Trek specifically because of Alderaan and my head exploded with nerd rage. Calm your nerd rage by watching "The Doomsday Machine" episode of TOS a good 10 years before Star Wars.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:02:49 -0800

phaedon: "Holy shit it just hit me that Kevin Smith looks like a young George Lucas." Actually, Kevin Smith looks like two young George Lucases. Maybe three.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:05:13 -0800

Pretty much every director in the 1970s looked like a skinny Kevin Smith.

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:12:41 -0800

Calm your nerd rage by watching "The Doomsday Machine" episode of TOS a good 10 years before Star Wars. I'm not saying that Lucas invented planet-exploding, but that the act shapes the plot in almost identical ways in both stories, destroying one character's home senselessly in order to galvanize their anger and spur them to take action later in the narrative. Also to prove that the villain is evul. I mean, it's the same trope used in a very, very similar way.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:24:39 -0800

Kinda-sorta revival and/or reboot of one-and-a-half good popcorn movies from thirty-five years ago? Sounds like a job for Ridley Scott.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:28:54 -0800

it's the same trope used in a very, very similar way. True. He also made Kirk into Luke, having him be a cocky orphan driving a fast car across a bleak landscape. Except in Star Trek Luke gets to go to the academy.

By: Iridic

Iridic — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:31:54 -0800

Coen Brothers Star Wars Movie No. 1: A Frank Tashlin pastiche. Extremely quick satire about the hijinx that ensue when George Clooney, a fast-talking Sienar Fleet Systems salesman, schemes to make the terrible new starfighter model look good by staging a rebel attack. With Frances MacDormand, Steve Buscemi, and John Goodman in a Wookie suit. Coen Brothers Star Wars Movie No. 2: A Samuel Fuller pastiche. The extremely foul-mouthed actioner follows both a squad of Stormtroopers and the sect of Jedi they're trying to track down Kashyyk. Ends with a fist-fight and an ambiguous closeup.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:33:09 -0800

Kinda-sorta revival and/or reboot of one-and-a-half good popcorn movies from thirty-five years ago? Sounds like a job for Ridley Scott. and then we can have a post every few weeks about how terrible it turned out

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:46:48 -0800

So status quo, then?

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:48:47 -0800

Peter Jackson was asked to do remakes of episodes 1-3 and was heard to remark "three movies? There's not enough material here for 1!" Lucas actually agrees with this assessment. Agreed while he was making the prequels. The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones have 20% each, Sith gets 60%. And yet he made them like that anyway.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:49:34 -0800

Getting rid of the movie for another TV show is easily enough done: Alternate timeline, boom, done!

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:54:40 -0800

They could just ignore the movies and let the movies do their thang. But they won't, will they? Honestly, I could live without ever seeing a new Trek series. I would like to see the Star Wars TV (Underworld?) series. And new stuff, like Defiance will hopefully be good (i am foolishly optimistic). And a sequel to Blake's 7 where Avon's alive.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:22:02 -0800

I would like to see the Star Wars TV series. Here you go!

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:22:41 -0800

Alien Nation sequel. Vessna Francisco the rookie cop has to stop invasion of aliens who have finally returned to collect their slave cargo. Call me, hollywood.

By: smidgen

smidgen — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:26:11 -0800

Wow, just kill it already (both ST & SW). Why can't people create *new* movie space operas? If they need to use existing source material, there are literally tons of decent books to draw from, why do we need to rehash this crap? I will, of course, go to see it soon after it comes out.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:27:53 -0800

Well then there's your answer.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:28:25 -0800

Here you go! I'm sending Itchy, Lumpy and Mala after you. You just wait to see what Itchy's going to do in your favourite chair.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:30:33 -0800

why do we need to rehash this crap? Because when they give you something new, like Prometheus or Avatar from visionary directors, y'all whine. And when they adapt Forever War or Ender's Game y'all whine about the changes. And you don't see it, right, John Carter? Best to play it safe.

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:32:44 -0800

I loved John Carter. I saw it twice, in the theater even!

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:36:55 -0800

I loved John Carter too and have it on DVD, and I am gutted that we were cheated out of a sequel because Disney didn't know how to market the film. A good thing Star Wars is in safe hands.

By: Sparx

Sparx — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:43:10 -0800

Because when they give you something new, like Prometheus I don't think risibility is necessarily a new thing. but can't think of anything else in there that wasn't just more aliens franchise mythology and idiot plot points interspersed with irrelevent non-plot points dressed up as idiot plot points.

By: smidgen

smidgen — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:55:26 -0800

I don't think whining is the issue. Most of the whiners, including myself, will go to see whatever big budget scifi is pooped out. No one really cares what a bunch of dweebs on the internet think as long as they pay. Both prometheus & avatar have sequels in the works, although I would not classify avatar as space opera. I had no idea about ender or forever war, that'll be.. interesting to see. John Carter was fun, I'm sad no one (else?) went to see it... Mainly, SW & ST just seem entirely played out, in a way that even Alien cum Prometheus isn't. The newest ST movie was entertaining after a fashion, but it's old hat. They couldn't even keep the ST-TNG lazy tech-tech-tech as a major plot resolution out of it. Even Lucas' SW-TNG was not as lazy.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:58:51 -0800

Because when they give you something new, like Prometheus or Avatar from visionary directors, y'all whine. First, both of those movies were pretty terrible. OK, Prometheus looked beautiful, but other than that, it was pretty terrible. Second, Prometheus was a prequel of a well-established series that already had what, four or five movies? Not something new, unless an incoherent screenplay by a writer who apparently had at best a passing familiarity with the source material counts as "new." But if that's the case, then the Star Wars prequels were also "new." And when they adapt Forever War or Ender's Game y'all whine about the changes. Sure, but a big part of that is that Star Wars and Star Trek succeed not in spite of but because of the fact that they are not film adaptations of brilliant sci-fi novels. They are film born as film (or TV, as it were), and they speak the language of the screen, not some translation of literary style. And I'm not familiar enough to speak to Forever War, but Ender's Game is really not a space opera at all. I enjoyed the book many years ago when I was young and foolish, and I have no idea whether I would enjoy it today. We'll see. I suspect that Ender's Game as a film will be marred by Card's notoriety as a despicable blowhard hatemonger, and that whatever shortcomings it has as a film will be magnified by the fact that its primary audience will be internet folks who are familiar with Card's assholery.

By: George Lucas

George Lucas — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:00:26 -0800

No one really cares what a bunch of dweebs on the internet think as long as they pay. Amen to that.

By: Sphinx

Sphinx — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:10:23 -0800

Because when they give you something new, like Prometheus or Avatar from visionary directors, y'all whine. I whined about Avatar because I felt like I spent $13 on a tech demo. After the movie was over, I waited in vain for a framerate display to pop up. The story was laughable at best and horrible at worst.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:14:00 -0800

I don't think risibility is necessarily a new thing. but can't think of anything else in there that wasn't just more aliens franchise mythology and idiot plot points interspersed with irrelevent non-plot points dressed up as idiot plot points. sassy android disembodied Fassbender head, tho

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:22:59 -0800

I think I'm done. I'm going to grow up.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:24:56 -0800

A little disappointed nobody's suggested Todd Solondz yet.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:26:39 -0800

The World Famous: "And I'm not familiar enough to speak to Forever War, but Ender's Game is really not a space opera at all." Neither is The Forever War-it's basically Haldeman working out his feelings about Vietnam.

By: Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Charlemagne In Sweatpants — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:31:24 -0800

The World Famous: "And I'm not familiar enough to speak to Forever War, but Ender's Game is really not a space opera at all." Neither is The Forever War-it's basically Haldeman working out his feelings about Vietnam. That informed Star Wars, too. Darth Vader was Nixon, and the forest moon of Endor was Vietnam. Lucas was originally going to direct Apocolpyse Now. Its weird, since the original Star Wars movies seem so apolitical compared to the new ones.

By: smidgen

smidgen — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:33:28 -0800

I don't think any film with a decent budget will have "internet scifi gossip hounds" as its target audience. I really had no idea about Card's politics, and after having looked them up, still don't particularly find it relevant to whether I'll go see the movie. I'm willing to guess most people who see the film eventually will never read the book, anyway. And, to parts of a more diverse audience, Card might be seen as a plus, not a minus. I used to think somewhat along your lines about stories from books vs stories tailor-made for movies as well, but I've come to the conclusion that most screenwriters are generally not all that good at filling in the gaps. Sometimes it's better that they have a well written (hopefully!) background for their work. Perhaps this is the thing that puts SW&ST at an advantage. LoTR didn't exactly suffer in translation to movie form, even if the small minority of LoTR geeks couldn't handle their favorite parts being cut or altered.

By: empath

empath — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:49:41 -0800

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:57:02 -0800

I wonder if Orson Scott Card's available to write the script for Star Wars VII? He can team up with Chabon. The 'making of' would be awesome.

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:59:55 -0800

Nah, my money is on Diablo Cody.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 23:00:48 -0800

Card/Cody for Star Wars VII. Someone get Lucas on that.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 23:12:27 -0800

I wonder if Orson Scott Card's available to write the script for Star Wars VII? The thing is, Ender's Game could actually have been adapted pretty well to be the backstory for Darth Vader with some little changes here and some big changes there. Card has had his moments as a writer, and he's also had some pretty lousy ones. I suspect, though, that he's well past his prime as a novelist, even setting aside the his odious bigotry and general creepiness as a person. It's possible that the Ender's Game movie could be really well-executed and could be a commercial success. But whether it's great, average, or terrible, it's going to get the geeks (of which I count myself one) complaining. And the complaining is going to be about a) how the movie ruined the book, b) how the book really did have some creepy themes that we somehow overlooked or ignored the first time we read it, c) how the movie tried, unsuccessfully, to gloss over or leave out those creepy themes, and d) how all those things are made worse by the fact that Card is an odious bigot who rewrote Hamlet as a ham-fisted homophobic screed. And if the movie adaptation of Ender's Game keeps the part about Ender's mother being Mormon, that's only going to make it much, much worse.

By: smidgen

smidgen — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 23:45:03 -0800

What? That hamlet thing is... fucking horrible, creepy and bizarre. I hesitate to look further down that particular sewer hole.

By: thesmallmachine

thesmallmachine — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 01:08:10 -0800

Yeah, I think Ender's Game succeeded back in the day partly because we didn't know how much of its darkness and creepiness was just Card being Card (which is complicated by the fact that it is indeed an intentionally dark and creepy novel, written in the author's prime). I'm interested in the idea that Ender's story could've been adapted as Vader's backstory. Certainly Ender's Game feels like it's going to a much darker place than it is -- there's psychological fallout, but it doesn't seem like a story whose characters should ever be okay again -- and Anakin's fall in the prequels is the exact reverse. There is no sense, as in Ender, of multiple generations of good intentions corrupted or abused. The two stories' flaws complement each other. Ender and Star Wars are also alike in that they're from the late '70s and early '80s, and it's extremely difficult to pull off resonant adaptations of a story on opposite sides of something like the Cold War.

By: coolxcool=rad

coolxcool=rad — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 04:13:30 -0800

In choosing a director to match the majesty of your original, "good" films, I am surprised that you don't also take into account all of the analysis that has been put in to those beloved original three over this past decade. Surely you've all read the scholarship that suggests: the original Star Wars trilogy, as a whole, was not simply greater than the sum of its parts, but was greater than that sum without oweing as much to George Lucas' credit, as once was perceived. A single man was not responsible for all of that bliss; nor could he be. What you want to find is a person both blessed/cursed with a singular vision as well as being just, slightly megalomaniacal enough to balance a good team. A team of only zealouts and visionaries of their respective trades and crafts; possibly pushed to the limits of chronistic possibilities. There is a balance there, and I want you Star Wars fans to be happy. On other notes I'm too lazy to shore up: Dredd used the Bieber 800% slowed down, or something similar, to good effect Upstream confusing 'The Raid' and 'Attack the Block' kinda makes sense

By: Sebmojo

Sebmojo — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 04:48:56 -0800

Dredd used the Bieber 800% slowed down, or something similar, to good effect Paulstretch. Everything you put in there sounds amazing, you can take a peppy margarine ditty from 1961 and it'll sound like Sigur Ros covering Vangelis in a cathedral washed away by the sea.

By: ersatz

ersatz — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 04:54:37 -0800

"They should just wrap it into the Arrested Development movie." As long as they add AD-style previews after the prequels and the trilogy: Luke: And... my sister has it. Yes. It's you, Leia. Princess Leia: I know. Somehow, I've always known. --Cut to Han Solo-- Han Solo: Her? *** Darth Vader: How much clearer can I say it. THERE IS ALWAYS MONEY IN THE DEATH STAR. --Cut to his son destroying the death star-- ** Princess Leia: I love you Han Solo: I know Gob Bluth: Her?

By: snuffleupagus

snuffleupagus — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:21:58 -0800

So what young(ish kinda) filmmakers should have been given the keys to the Star Wars series then? Maybe the Wachowskis? Not young enough? I wouldn't want them to write the script, as that's where all the cringe-worthy Jesus-figure stuff in the Matrix trilogy came from, but seems like they'd be OK to direct. I'm fairly confident they'd be at pains to be true to the originals. And they know what it is to be directing an effects-based epic with a lot of fan baggage.

By: snuffleupagus

snuffleupagus — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:37:04 -0800

And when they adapt Forever War...y'all whine about the changes Now, this is is the classic sci fi novel I'd like to see a director like Rian Johnson take on. How come no one ever talks about making movies out of the Dorsai books? I think the last decade-plus of geopolitics and our increasing valorization of elite military subcultures at "the tip of the spear" has set the stage perfectly for an adaptation of The Tactics of Mistake for instance.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:51:42 -0800

Alan Smithee

By: empath

empath — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:53:52 -0800

Everything you put in there sounds amazing, you can take a peppy margarine ditty from 1961 and it'll sound like Sigur Ros covering Vangelis in a cathedral washed away by the sea. That's because it's really not stretching the sound out (if it did, it would obviously be below hearing frequency). It also doesn't simply extend individual bits of the original sound by some arbitrary length. It actually breaks down the frequencies in the original sound and then randomizes the phases of the wave forms and extends them, which is where the choir-like sound comes from. It's a little bit, but not quite like a vocoder.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:59:04 -0800

smidgen: "I hesitate to look further down that particular sewer hole." Good call. OSC has gone very, very far off the rails in recent years.

By: fleacircus

fleacircus — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 06:27:30 -0800

He also made Kirk into Luke, having him be a cocky orphan driving a fast car across a bleak landscape. Except in Star Trek Luke gets to go to the academy. Well... Luke was a dorky country kid and Abram's Kirk was a reckless douche-bro with ugly eyebrows. Maybe that's how Kirk has to be, but still, I thought Star Wars did a pretty good job in its intro for Luke. His motivation at first was just that he wanted to get the fuck off Tatooine. He already kinda wanted to join the rebels. Even when Uncle Ben & Aunt Beru died, that mostly just severed his ties to Tatooine, it wasn't played up as emotional core like a stupid superhero movie. He already knew the Empire was bad; he already wanted to go out into the world and fight. It was not a case of him being happy, and then the Empire smashing it all and a scream of noooooo and vow of revenge at all costs. Maybe Luke made you cringe but his backstory was more than dude exhibiting signature behavior in starting_location, then on with the show. Not that that can't be fun, but Star Wars is notable for not doing it that way, whereas Abram's stuff with Kirk and his dad was just lazy and dumb in comparison. Another thing about Star Wars (the first movie most of all) was that it had a good sense of location and some great sets. For example, when they go around inside the Death Star, there are different locations that tie into each other. There are hallways, chasms, all kinds of cool looking and varied environments. Obi Wan turning off the power generators was cool. It was cool that the control room with a view of the Falcon, or when the blast door opens and Luke can watch Obi Wan have the showdown with Vader. The original Star Wars had a grandness and sense of space that sequels and knockoffs failed to recapture. Abram's Star Trek's sets sucked. Do you remember the bridge of that Enterprise? Could you draw it from memory? Of all the Star Trek bridges it is perhaps the most bland and uninteresting. It felt like a hospital waiting room. I almost feel like it was on the SIDE of the ship, with a view of the wing. Evil Eric Bana's headquarters was just a "lol i dunno" jumble of catwalks. The beanstalk part was all right, but even then it had the problem where it wasn't a cool place, it was set dressing for a "cool" action sequence. (Which are so often way less cool than the filmmakers think—that robot factory in the prequels, errrg.) It's true that Star Trek on TV never really had sense that the interior of the ship matched the exterior of the ship, or even connected sensibly, but at least the interiors were there and sometimes mattered. There were locations on the ship. But in Abram's Star Trek it was like there was not a single interesting place on the Enterprise, or anywhere else. Boring rooms and action playlands. Maybe that's barely acceptable for a Star Trek reboot, just throw some junk out there with Kirk and Spock and some actors fans will like, but Star Wars without the grand scale and neat sets just isn't Star Wars. Modern action-adventure-scifi movies don't capture that sense of space very well. Dredd did okay, but lacked variety. For having so little to it, Dredd went down easy. Attack the Block did better; locations connected to each other, they were revisited, they felt more like a real place where some action happened to be taking place. Die Hard was better still, and its sequels also failed to recreate the magic you get from scenes connecting to each other this way. Alien had it, Predator did not. Maybe this is why so many of these sci-fi movies that supposedly "look good", like Avatar and Prometheus and Tron: The Recent One (and the Matrix, yeah I said it), do not actually look that good to me. They're visually slick, but there's nothing in them that knocks my socks off, there's not really interesting spaces in them. Action sequences are too delineated, nicely contained, and disposable. The just don't feel like places. tl;dr: Based on Star Trek (and Super 8), I don't think Abrams has the eye to do Star Wars justice. Its grand sense of space is something missing from modern sci-fi movies in general and not something the squee-ing fans think to ask for. Abrams sucks at it. I'm not sure if any director does it well. Brad Bird, maybe.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 06:31:15 -0800

If you have not read The Secret History Of Star Wars, do do. If you are interested. It makes so much so clear.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 06:33:25 -0800

i did a page search for "shyamalan" and had 0 results. for all our joking, we never went there

By: hanov3r

hanov3r — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 06:35:51 -0800

i did a page search for "shyamalan" and had 0 results. for all our joking, we never went there None of his twists were ever as good as "Luke made out with his sister AND his dad's the bad guy".

By: barnacles

barnacles — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 06:51:12 -0800

hanov3r: "i did a page search for "shyamalan" and had 0 results. for all our joking, we never went there None of his twists were ever as good as "Luke made out with his sister AND his dad's the bad guy"." And at the end of ROTJ, long before Sixth Sense, Luke was already seeing dead people! ... maybe that was just some bitchin' Ewok hallucinogens doing the work, but whatevs.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 07:30:24 -0800

Woody Allen's Star Wars NEBBISH LUKE SKYWALKER: What if there is no Force? What if there is no energy field created by all living things that binds us all together? Someday it will break apart and that will be the end of everything. AUNT BERU: What is that your business?!

By: snuffleupagus

snuffleupagus — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 07:30:41 -0800

Fleacircus -- I mostly agree, but I feel like Tron: Legacy had interesting places galore. I can definitely close my eyes and see them. In fact, I felt like the architecture and landscape (as it were) often upstaged the action.

By: mazola

mazola — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 07:38:50 -0800

I'd have given the job to Kershner but apparently he's impossible to book.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:09:32 -0800

TRON 2 was a shell of visual and aural awesomeness surrounding nothing.

By: painquale

painquale — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:17:20 -0800

Modern action-adventure-scifi movies don't capture that sense of space very well Horror movies are often good at this, as they often have to work within closed and claustrophobic locations. I think I could draw the floor plan to the Evil Dead house from memory. And then there's The Shining.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:35:23 -0800

Meanwhile the Dredd comic is taking an entirely new direction.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:38:52 -0800

Give it to Gilliam, make all the action setpieces into paper animation.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:39:43 -0800

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. DREDD DOES NOT KISS.

By: mazola

mazola — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:41:00 -0800

For the record, I was sure the Star Trek Babies movie was going to suck when it was announced. Maybe it was low expectations going in but it turned out I enjoyed it quite a bit and I think it stands up well while respecting what came before. On that front, I expect this new Star Wars movie will be in interesting in a way that the prequels were not. I just have to remember not to get caught up in the hype.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:43:18 -0800

The tough guy - played on the big screen by Sylvester Stallone God dammit, media.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:45:07 -0800

I'm not comfortable with the idea of Dredd having any kind of inner life, period.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:45:22 -0800

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:53:17 -0800

Dredd & Walter. OTP

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:56:29 -0800

Terrence Malick's Star Wars. My favorite tweet was Max Read's who wrote:

"FATHER ISSUES, THE INFINITE EXPANSE, THE ENCOUNTER OF THE OTHER, THE TUG BETWEEN NATURE & TECHNOLOGY: THESE ARE MALICKIAN THEMES"

I'd be first in line to see Malick's Star Wars, even if I did have to wait a decade for it! And a Sofia Coppola Star Wars? I would eat that up and beg for more.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:57:01 -0800

I'm not comfortable with the idea of Dredd having any kind of inner life, period. The interview with wroter Rob Wiliams is one of the most astute takes on Dredds character I've read. (The movie pretty much nails it, FWIW)

By: fleacircus

fleacircus — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:59:17 -0800

In fact, I felt like the architecture and landscape (as it were) often upstaged the action. It was pretty as a magazine ad. I had pretty much checked out after the game center thing, which was exactly the kind of bad action set piece I was talking about. I don't remember there being any wondrous vistas or the sense that the grid was a fantastical, alien place. I'll give it another shot but I'm not sure if I'll make it through the Michael Sheen part. I wonder what a Trek show would be like if it was given backing by an AMC or HBO. "AMC's Warring Stars may not have much in the way of stars, or wars, but the next season promises shake things up for viewers! After a tidy resolution of last season's big cliffhanger, new behaviors for each character will emerge, exposing more of Luke's complicated family relationships as well as both the good and bad sides of Chewbacca's rage. Social issues viewers care about will be touched upon."

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:01:17 -0800

Vince Gilligan's Trek controversially merges Spock and Kirk into a superficially logical Captain who under pressure turns out to be an impulsive nutcase. Also: Goatee.

By: TheSecretDecoderRing

TheSecretDecoderRing — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:22:35 -0800

I liked the Red Letter Media take on ST2009 - it's not, fundamentally, Star Trek. It's an action film, a quite good one, that uses many of the same names and places as Star Trek did. But it's not really the same thing at all. I'm sure a big factor with Abrams being able to take more liberties with ST is that Roddenberry is long gone, and it's not as strongly identified with him, compared to Star Wars and Lucas. So even if he's not as directly involved, I'd guess Abrams will still feel him breathing down his neck. And he's certainly much more reverent of him to begin with.

By: Atreides

Atreides — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:24:59 -0800

I was once as a big a Star Wars fan as any (my powers of fanhood have weakened over the past decade), but I'm relatively okay with this decision. I'm not a super Trek fan, but I appreciated his approach to the movie. It was different, definitely different, but I thought the DNA was there, as much as it has been in other reiterations of Trek, be it from DS9 to The Voyage Home, etc. Vince Gilligan's Trek controversially merges Spock and Kirk into a superficially logical Captain who under pressure turns out to be an impulsive nutcase. Not to be confused with the Trek which merged a vulcan and always look on the bright side slightly furry alien cook?

By: RobotVoodooPower

RobotVoodooPower — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:38:32 -0800

I liked New Spock, not so much New Kirk. Seriously, what is the appeal of these DiCaprio-esque actors that have no control over their upper facial muscles?

By: dirtdirt

dirtdirt — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:42:17 -0800

Abrams was on my dream list, along with the other big ones mentioned above (Whedon, Bird), and I am very very pleased. I know many of you hate, well, everything, but I loved Lost, Super 8, and Cloverfield, and I like(d) Fringe. Star Trek I fall somewhere between love and like but realistically I think it is as good as a reboot could be. Star Wars 7, by all indications, is not going to be a reboot - it's going to be either a continuity or a parallel story and I think JJ could kill it. In the good way. My jokey but fascinating to imagine director of choice would be Whit Stillman.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:56:20 -0800

Yeah - I unapologetically loved Lost and Fringe, and I really enjoyed the new Star Trek movie. So I, for one, think this might be cool. But I was totally serious about Sofia Coppola.

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:16:17 -0800

Abrams has been minimally involved in most of the TV shows he has credit on since Felicity. Particularly Lost. I think Lindelof joked with Jimmy Kimmel that Kimmel knew more about Lost than Abrams did.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:20:12 -0800

Kirk, Spock & Bones Banished to the Phantom Zone!

By: phaedon

phaedon — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:27:04 -0800

Seriously, 350 comments in and nobody has cared to mention how MI:3 was far and away the best installment in the series? You people are fucked.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:33:33 -0800

Lego accused of racism with Star Wars set

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:16:11 -0800

350 comments in and nobody has cared to mention how MI:3 was far and away the best installment in the series? I never even saw MI:3.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:18:05 -0800

You can totally skip to it, and Cruise is barely irritating.

By: spock

spock — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:24:33 -0800

Fascinating.

By: sparklemotion

sparklemotion — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:26:35 -0800

Lego accused of racism with Star Wars set I feel like that is worthy of it's own discussion in the blue maybe? But I'm wary of posting it because I worry that it could be awful.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:32:37 -0800

Wasn't MI:3 the John Woo one?

By: Atreides

Atreides — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:34:18 -0800

Lego discussion in short - It looks nothing like the Hagia Sophia. If believably so, then these people should have been accusing RTOJ of being racist nearly 30 years ago (How dare they put a giant nasty slug criminal overlord in the Hagia Sophia!). P.S. The Byzantines thank you for appreciating their work. And MI:3, which I swear I watched, apparently wasn't memorable enough for me to recall other than Phillip Seymour Hoffman was the bad guy.

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:48:44 -0800

Jabba's palace of course originally being a B'omarr monastry.

By: Mister Moofoo

Mister Moofoo — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 12:51:16 -0800

Juan Carlos Fresnadillo to direct. Luc Besson can write it or produce it or both. Guillermo del Toro's design team (including Wayne Barlowe, natch) can make new creatures.

By: schmod

schmod — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:00:13 -0800

phaedon: "Star Wars VII: Y Tu Papa Tambien" Star Wars VIII: John Noble and Jasika Nicole reverse-engineer The Force, and inject Anna Torv with a potent dose of midichlorians. The film ends as Anna Torv unexpectedly meets Spock. Star Wars IX: The R2s were created by man.... Star Wars X: Things go horribly wrong when Mace Windu visits a diner. Conditions deteriorate further after he boards an interplanetary transport. Star Wars XI: A rag-tag bunch of travelers aboard the Millennium Falcon crash-land on a remote and eerily-abandoned moon. Eventually, a hatch is discovered and they slowly come to realize that it's not a moon at all. The true purpose of the 'moon' is never revealed, and the film ends abruptly. Star Wars XII: After being passed up for a promotion, Lars is forced to take control of the Moisture Farm while his father is being investigated for fraud, and violating trade sanctions with the Hutts. Meanwhile, Luke begins to develop feelings for Leia. Star Wars XIII: As a civil war devastates the galaxy, pregnant Padme and R2-D2 seek refuge at an imperial encampment on Dagobah. One day, R2 discovers the entrance to a secret underground maze where Yoda awes R2 with the power of the force. R2's propensity for mischief wrecks havoc at the incampment, and ultimately leads to Padme's demise while giving birth to Luke and Leia. The stormtroopers react by decommissioning R2 in the maze, causing his holographic projector to malfunction as the droid's power slowly drains away. Star Wars XIV: An attractive young cheerleader is found murdered at Cloud City. A quirky Imperial Special Agent is sent to work with Cloud City's local security chief, Finis Valorum (no relation) to solve the murder. Intrigue develops, as the family of Lando's late husband conspire to take control of the gas mine. John Williams quits the franchise, and is replaced by Angelo Badalamenti. Star Was XV: A scientific expedition to a distant planet goes terribly wrong, and the Millennium Falcon is hijacked by an evil alien carrying a potent virus. Luke saves the galaxy by crashing his X-Wing into Han's ship as it takes off. The ship plummets into the ground, and begins to roll. Leia runs directly into the path of the ship, and is killed instantly. C-3PO is decapitated, but continues to function. Meanwhile, the potent virus held on the planet merges with Han Solo's DNA to give birth to what would later become the Gungan race.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:18:13 -0800

Awesome, schmod.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:21:41 -0800

Anna Torv unexpectedly meets Spock Illogical. Anna Torv is Spock.

By: davidjmcgee

davidjmcgee — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:28:13 -0800

Do you remember the bridge of that Enterprise? Could you draw it from memory? Total side note, but if this is how we measure good memory, then I don't remember anything.

By: Rustic Etruscan

Rustic Etruscan — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:32:16 -0800

Total side note, but if this is how we measure good memory, then I don't remember anything. Seconded. I would even have a hard time drawing my office, from which I barely move all day.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:54:28 -0800

I can't even draw a tree from memory.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 14:08:39 -0800

Okay, I have successfully drawn the bridge from memory, but for some reason the characters are all nude and the Vulcan mind meld seems to work differently than in all the other shows. Also, I forget what we are supposed to be proving, other than that, apparently, JJ is a pervert.

By: TheSecretDecoderRing

TheSecretDecoderRing — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 14:14:31 -0800

As far as memorable designs, I had that problem with the prequels. Nearly all the 4-6 vehicles were unique enough that a kid could draw their likeness fairly easily. The prequels felt a lot more generic and amorphous. Transformers cartoon vs live-action had the same issue.

By: crossoverman

crossoverman — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 15:00:49 -0800

Seriously, 350 comments in and nobody has cared to mention how MI:3 was far and away the best installment in the series? You people are fucked Ghost Protocol was better! As was the first film. JJs Mission Impossible is better than John Woos.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 15:23:37 -0800

Also it has an amusing Renner butt dance in it.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:19:34 -0800

phaedon: "Seriously, 350 comments in and nobody has cared to mention how MI:3 was far and away the best installment in the series? You people are fucked." I would have agreed with you when it first came out, but I just re-watched the whole series and now I'd say it's actually my least favorite of the four. It definitely felt more Mission: Impossible-y than the first two, Hoffman is good, and the Vatican sequence is fun*, but it otherwise felt really bland to me. At the moment, I'd rate them in order of release, except with Ghost Protocol at the top. I don't know why my opinion on 3 has changed so drastically. *Can anyone explain why Hunt went over the Vatican wall while Luther scuba dived in with the the equipment when they both ended up in the same place? I know it adds more variety to the scene, but I totally missed the logic there if there was any.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:39:53 -0800

Also it has an amusing Renner butt dance in it. I have no memory of that at all, and could not draw that. Was that in the 45-minute sequence where Tom Xenu is climbing outside the building?

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:41:33 -0800

Seriously, 350 comments in and nobody has cared to mention how MI:3 was far and away the best installment in the series? You people are fucked. The best turd in the toilet is still a turd.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:42:42 -0800

Ghost Protocol was better! As was the first film. JJs Mission Impossible is better than John Woos. NOTHING IS BETTER THAN DANCING CARS MI:3.. yeah I liked Phillip Seymour Hoffman's menace in that one. but Ghost Protocol was actually pretty good. Aside from some very fakey CGI at certain points and some hammy BMW product placement.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:46:37 -0800

I loved the scene where they spray down the BMW to wash off the temporary fake paint job, only to reveal that the BMW was actually just Ethan Hunt in a rubber mask the whole time!

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:48:06 -0800

The BMW product placement in Star Wars Episode VII will be far more tasteful.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:55:32 -0800

I used to bullseye womp rats in my BMW-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 17:03:07 -0800

You haven't heard of the BMW Falcon? It made the BMW run in BMW BMWs!

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 17:04:33 -0800

I want to make a Ford Telstar joke... but all the good ones have been taken.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 23:20:20 -0800

You guys seriously thought Ghost Protocol was better than MI:3? Shit, I guess I'll give it another watch. I thought it was crap the first time I saw it.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 23:25:18 -0800

well buttdance

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 07:35:36 -0800

Yes, it is real, for better or worse.

By: smidgen

smidgen — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 13:57:39 -0800

(and the Matrix, yeah I said it),

This analysis is spot-on.. but the interesting part is that it works for Matrix in the other direction. There is no sense of place in the matrix -- it's somewhat claustrophobic . The stage sets were actually supposed to be stage sets, having everything be a set piece made the film work (for me).

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:31:41 -0800

Disney confirms it: J.J. Abrams is officially directing the next Star Wars movie Lucas is apparently a fan. Also confirms that Kasdan is consulting on the script, which is nice. But also so is the screenwriter on Sherlock Holmes and Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which is baffling.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:42:39 -0800

I will admit that I find Mr. & Mrs. Smith to be a pretty decent script, actually.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:46:32 -0800

I agree. I have less nice things to say about Sherlock Holmes or X-Men: The Last Stand which he also wrote. But how much of his script was changed by actors or directors is up for debate.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:50:18 -0800

Is that the third X-Men film? (I remember essentially nothing from any of the three.)

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:54:24 -0800

Yes, the Brett Ratner one, which I barely recall anything about either.

By: Artw

Artw — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:06:20 -0800

I have less nice things to say about Sherlock Holmes or X-Men: The Last Stand which he also wrote. But how much of his script was changed by actors or directors is up for debate. Did the guy playing Cyclops decide to die off-camera a third of the way in?

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:08:02 -0800

Listen to the commentary on The Limey before blaming or crediting a screenwriter for anything.

By: Artw

Artw — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:10:07 -0800

Which Sherlock Holmes are we talking about, anyway? The Ritchie one I considered sufficiently good to declare the curse of Madge lifted.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:17:11 -0800

The Richie one. I didn't like it, and did not bother with the sequel. I'm not a Holmes fan, so I didn't mind the liberties with the story of characters, but I found it quite boring and ham-fisted. Did the guy playing Cyclops decide to die off-camera a third of the way in? I'd forgotten he died at all. That film was a confusing mess, from memory.

By: Artw

Artw — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:31:55 -0800

Trust me, that's the best outcome.

By: Atreides

Atreides — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 08:22:09 -0800

Actually, Cyclops didn't just die in the first third, he died in something like the first ten or so minutes. The Third X-Men movie by Ratner is pretty abhorrent on many levels. Like Artw suggests, forget it and be happy.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 08:26:27 -0800

X3 was so bad it made me feel ashamed that I had liked the first two movies, like it took me a few years before I could watch the first two and go " oh wait they're totally not bad and actually clever." My only positive memory of X3 was making the only other people in a near empty theatre in West Hollywood laugh when I shouted during the final battle " FINE JUST THROW FLAMING CARS AT THE PROBLEM." Highlight of my performance carrer.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 17:39:06 -0800

Cyclops dying was the only thing I liked in X3. That whiner was just about the only thing I didn't like in the first two. In fact, it made me so deleriously happy when he was killed at the beginning of X3 that it took me a few years to realize just how bad the rest of the movie was. Serotonin is a powerful drug.

By: fleacircus

fleacircus — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 18:47:57 -0800

Having just seen MI:Ghost Protocol, I withdraw my Brad Bird vote. I vote instead for Joss Whedon and Tarsem Singh smooshed together into one person. The best traits of each. The worst-traits copy must be isolated for testing.

By: crossoverman

crossoverman — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:35:42 -0800

I vote instead for Joss Whedon and Tarsem Singh smooshed together into one person. The best traits of each. The worst-traits copy must be isolated for testing. These two are already separated into good director and bad director. They are called Joss Whedon and Tarsem Singh, respectively.

By: Rustic Etruscan

Rustic Etruscan — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:50:06 -0800

Listen to the commentary on The Limey before blaming or crediting a screenwriter for anything. People should just listen to the commentary on The Limey, because it's wonderful.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 22:58:38 -0800

And also watch The Limey because it is wonderful.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 23:04:27 -0800

In fact, if I could offer a film class in two DVD commentary tracks, it would be: The audio commentary to The Limey, where director Soderbergh and writer Dobbs argue about the differences between the screenplay and the film, whether the differences are good or bad, why they happened, etc., and the audio commentary on the Love Conquers All version of Brazil, wherein film historian David Morgan discusses every change made by Sid Sheinberg at Universal in order to give Gilliam's film a happy ending-- changes which are as simple as using a different take of the same shot, or using a different angle, or transposing the order of two shots, in order to totally alter the relationships between characters and events. I've probably learned more about filmmaking from these two commentaries than I have from most books I've read.

By: schmod

schmod — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 08:08:00 -0800

Star Wars XVI: Han Solo upgrades the Milennium Falcoln with a JJ-A series time core, and embarks on various adventures throughout the universe. He tries to lure women onto the Falcoln by demonstrating the ship's hidden smuggling compartments. "It's bigger on the inside." Star Wars XVII: A sanitation malfunction forces the temporary evacuation of Coruscant. R2-D2 is put in charge of the cleanup, and is quickly forgotten about. Star Wars XVIII: Despite the loss of the Death Star, the Empire swiftly crushes the rebellion. Forced to make ends meet, Han Solo grants passage to a mysterious passenger and a schizophrenic girl frozen in carbonite. Chewie betrays Han, and is nearly flushed out the airlock. A Jedi Priest with a mysterious past accompanies them, and dies. Meanwhile, a cloning experiment on Kamino goes terribly wrong. David Krumholtz guest-stars as C-3PO's love interest.

By: Iridic

Iridic — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 08:25:11 -0800

Joss Whedon and Tarsem Singh smooshed together into one person...The worst-traits copy must be isolated for testing. I would like to see the movie in which the precocious, deceptively beautiful Whingh Thing murders its way out of captivity and attempts to mate. The title, of course, would be Specious.

By: Artw

Artw — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 08:31:01 -0800

You know, For all it's space wizards and slightly hazy geasp of stellar geography as far as I know time travel hasn't been a feature of the Star Wars universe to date. I expect that'll change.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 09:17:13 -0800

as far as I know time travel hasn't been a feature of the Star Wars universe to date Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs seems to imply some serious time-space manipulation. And they travel at or in excess of light speed all the time. So time travel is such a commonplace event in the Star Wars universe that it is too mundane to have been used as a plot point yet. For the Star Wars gang, time travel is like toilets or carry-on luggage - they don't talk about it or show it, but Luke was also clearly not carrying his one set of street clothes and shoes with him after he stole the Stormtrooper's suit, and it's not like there's a woods in space for Chewie to poop in.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:50:29 -0800

Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs seems to imply some serious time-space manipulation. Or, y'know (at the risk of deflating thirty-five years of nerd arguments), a short cut.

By: Artw

Artw — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:54:30 -0800

The Kessel Run Wookiepedia Page is one of the most awful bits of handwaving ever. The Kessel Run was one of the most heavily used smuggling routes in the Galactic Empire.Han Solo claimed that his Millennium Falcon "made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs". A parsec was a unit of distance, not time. Solo was not referring directly to his ship's speed when he made this claim. Instead, he was referring to the shorter route he was able to travel by skirting the nearby Maw black hole cluster, thus making the run in under the standard distance. By moving closer to the black holes, Solo managed to cut the distance down to about 11.5 parsecs. The smuggler, BoShek, actually beat Solo's record in his ship, Infinity, but without cargo to weigh him down. A few months later, Han Solo beat both his own and BoShek's records in a run he made with Luke Skywalker. ...or it was all just space words to George & co.

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:54:33 -0800

Yeah, that's the canon explanation - the Falcon maneuvers well enough, and Han is a good enough pilot, to take the kill-you-if-you-miss-a-turn route instead of the long, safe way. Well, the second canon explanation. The original one (which was in the shooting script, even) was that Han was spinning an obvious line of bullshit, and couldn't even bother to get his units right.

By: Artw

Artw — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:55:26 -0800

It's not like they even use earth units any other time.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 14:09:27 -0800

Totally. What does "two meters" even mean, anyway?

By: Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish

Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 14:12:42 -0800

In the Star Wars universe, a "meter" is a breed of domesticated trout. It's idiomatic.

By: Artw

Artw — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 14:15:30 -0800

They're all illiterate anyway.

By: schmod

schmod — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 20:42:30 -0800

Star Wars XVIV -- An Alderaanian princess tries to dodge jury duty by dressing as a television producer.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 15:50:11 -0800

I wonder if Orson Scott Card's available to write the script for Star Wars VII? What Orson Scott Card's Superman comic will be like

By: homunculus

homunculus — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 17:13:25 -0800

Inside the Battle of Hoth: The Empire Strikes Out

By: homunculus

homunculus — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:59:12 -0800

William Shatner Thinks J.J. Abrams Has Gone to the Dark Side

By: Artw

Artw — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 21:02:25 -0800

Ewan McGregor wants Star Wars spin-off movie

By: homunculus

homunculus — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 21:21:11 -0800

I'd rather see a Star Wars/Narnia crossover where Obi-Wan meets the White Witch. Oh wait, they already did that. Never mind.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 01:33:27 -0800

McGregor hated his Star Wars experience by many accounts, largely because Lucas is not an actors' director. Anyway, Nerdophere exploded last night over the news that (as rumoured before) Ford (who shared McGregor's feelings) is poised to get on board the money train.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 01:35:55 -0800

Incidentally, Dark Horse's new Star Wars title (which takes place just after the Battle of Yavin) isn't awful. It's apparently making Leia more kick-arse. I've only read the first issue (there are 2-3?) but she is inexplicable an awesome X-wing pilot on par with Luke. I guess her father was a pretty good pilot. Yipeee.