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it's like QWOP for your organs and bones
January 28, 2013 8:33 PM   Subscribe

SURGEON SIMULATOR 2013
posted by boo_radley (63 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite

 
I have to install another "Web Player?" No, thanks.
posted by grouse at 8:35 PM on January 28, 2013 [7 favorites]


A buddy of mine pointed out this guy doing an LP of it sounds like Doctor Strangelove and it even explains why his hand keeps doing such seemingly random things. I can't help picturing them around the table in the caves with the doc operating on the president and yelling at each other. And I cannot stop laughing.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:35 PM on January 28, 2013 [20 favorites]


You can also just download the game and play it out-of-browser like all other games.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:37 PM on January 28, 2013


grouse, I naturally respect your choices, but unity isn't quite an unknown any more.
posted by boo_radley at 8:38 PM on January 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Well, I managed to push the rib cutter out of range, then for good measure also dumped a bunch of small metal objects into the patient. Where do I send the bill?
posted by senor biggles at 8:39 PM on January 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Is Dr. Oz good at this game?
posted by King, in the hall of the mountain at 8:41 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


I JUST CAME HERE TO POST THIS
posted by empath at 8:42 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


SUCK IT EMPATH

also what was your title/ link text going to be?
posted by boo_radley at 8:43 PM on January 28, 2013


Ghostride, that wins the Internet.
posted by taff at 8:43 PM on January 28, 2013


Dr. Oz is the master of this game, King.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:43 PM on January 28, 2013


Now that the bonesaw is on the floor, the hammer is the only option for getting through the ribcage.
posted by fatbird at 8:44 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anyone remember Life and Death on the Amiga? I knew immediately that whatever I would become, it would not be a surgeon.
posted by beschizza at 8:44 PM on January 28, 2013 [7 favorites]


This is great news! I always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:44 PM on January 28, 2013 [9 favorites]


This made me feel like an alien performing surgery while wearing a malfunctioning human suit.
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 8:47 PM on January 28, 2013 [8 favorites]


I tired playing this for about 30 seconds. I stopped once the Jurassic Park Trespasser flashbacks kicked in.
posted by thecjm at 8:49 PM on January 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


pro-tip: put all 5 fingers on your left hand on the finger control keys.
posted by empath at 8:51 PM on January 28, 2013


This is essentially what my classmates and I did for three months in cadaver lab.
posted by The White Hat at 8:51 PM on January 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


after a mere 3 minutes of play i was able to cause the patient to lose blood! my work here is finished.
posted by facetious at 9:02 PM on January 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Finally managed to knock everything off the tables. I swept my hand across the left table and cleaned almost everything off in one swoop. The right table proved a little trickier as I had to grab the scalpels one by one. I threw the heart off the table at the end and then made the metal horns over the wide open torso.
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 9:05 PM on January 28, 2013 [7 favorites]


Our Ship Of The Imagination!: "Finally managed to knock everything off the tables. I swept my hand across the left table and cleaned almost everything off in one swoop. The right table proved a little trickier as I had to grab the scalpels one by one. I threw the heart off the table at the end and then made the metal horns over the wide open torso."

I tried that and managed to cut my hand and get it full of acupuncture needles.
posted by boo_radley at 9:11 PM on January 28, 2013


Wait, I don't even get a thing that tells me to install a different thing. Apparently I never even installed the first thing and now it's too late.

This must be obsolescence. I guess if ever I want to lower my left buttock into a demolished ribcage full of rusty scalpels or whatever heinous thing you kids are doing these days I'm just gonna have to do it out here in the backyard with my snow boots on. But don't you worry about me. I'll be just fine.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 9:27 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


"The most rewarding part was when he gave me the money."
posted by Nomyte at 9:28 PM on January 28, 2013


I am legitimately supposed to be studying cardiac medications. Instead I am playing 'wrong size surgical glove and also you have been sitting on your hand' simulator. Oh dear.
posted by cobaltnine at 9:28 PM on January 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


but i don't want to install a thing

Unity seems pretty good... it's not malware, and it works well. I certainly don't remember it needing emergency security patches, like we see every other day with Java, and every couple months with Flash.

I don't know if that means it's been patching itself, or if it hasn't needed patches, but I haven't had to do much of anything with it after installation.

Not, mind you, that this specific game is worth the trouble. It's downright terrible.
posted by Malor at 9:29 PM on January 28, 2013


cobaltnine: "I am legitimately supposed to be studying cardiac medications. Instead I am playing 'wrong size surgical glove and also you have been sitting on your hand' simulator. Oh dear."

have you ever had a transplant from a stranger?
posted by boo_radley at 9:34 PM on January 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


Kerbal Surgery Program?
posted by Chutzler at 9:35 PM on January 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


Although I almost feel like that's insulting to Kerbin's valiant spacefarers, based on what I've just read.
posted by Chutzler at 9:36 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


This kinda reminds me of Octodad except DEADLY SERIOUS. I got most of that pesky ribcage out of the way with the grinder but couldn't quite scoop the dude's heart out. I was having another go with the bonesaw when the patient finally croaked. DAMMIT NURSE, IT NEVER GETS ANY EASIER.

(Unity is totally legit, and beats the piss out of Flash these days. It's the framework behind a bunch of indie games, like MeFi favorite Kerbal Space Program...)
posted by neckro23 at 9:37 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


I plucked out his lungs, but man that heart just stays in there! Or maybe it's just real slippery and you can't grab it. You gotta sever it from the body with the scalpel. I just about managed to drop in the new heart when the patient died.

I bet if I played this with a mouse and not an MBP trackpad that doesn't have any buttons on it I'd be able to scalpel with more accuracy.
posted by anateus at 9:39 PM on January 28, 2013


I'll wait for the Skrillex-soundtracked MLG video.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:40 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fear and Loathing in the Chest Cavity.
posted by R. Schlock at 9:47 PM on January 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Is this like that board game Operation?

...technology has really improved since I was 6 years old.
posted by kellybird at 9:47 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


have you ever had a transplant from a stranger?

In the Alps?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:48 PM on January 28, 2013 [8 favorites]


So if the doctoring industry is anything like the tech industry, I'll just put this surgical experience on my resume and I'll be good to go.
posted by problemspace at 10:06 PM on January 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


I thought YOU was the robot!
posted by KathrynT at 10:10 PM on January 28, 2013


Man I am the best at throwing lungs on the ground.
posted by tittergrrl at 10:21 PM on January 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


A buddy of mine pointed out this guy doing an LP of it sounds like Doctor Strangelove and it even explains why his hand keeps doing such seemingly random things

Thank you for that link. I was a bit puzzled at first how he had 380k subs, but it totally made sense when he started poking the patient's right lung with a bone saw while accusing it of trying to escape the patient's body.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:22 PM on January 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yeah, I just showed Surgeon Simulator 2013 who's boss!
posted by tittergrrl at 10:29 PM on January 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


tittergrrl: "Man I am the best at throwing lungs on the ground."

where they belong. Right next to the syringe and clipboard.
posted by boo_radley at 10:30 PM on January 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


I was a bit puzzled at first how he had 380k subs,

Perhaps his ARMY OF CHILDREN.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:35 PM on January 28, 2013


cobaltnine: Do you remember that scene in Searching for Bobby Fischer where the boy has to stop playing speed chess in the park because it will ruin his skills for championship play? This is probably another one of those times.
posted by Skwirl at 10:39 PM on January 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


THANKS OBAMA
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 11:29 PM on January 28, 2013 [13 favorites]


I almost sawed my finger off and then I dropped the saw on his lung.
posted by IndigoRain at 11:32 PM on January 28, 2013


Okay, in-game, I successfully performed a heart-radio-two scalpels transplant. The radio replaces one of the lungs.

I feel compelled to note that I do not actually perform surgery, nor do I plan to.
posted by cobaltnine at 11:51 PM on January 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


QWOPeration
posted by zippy at 12:22 AM on January 29, 2013 [5 favorites]


Whoa, the air in that room must be really dense, because as I nudged the radio off the table, it Doppler shifted.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:29 AM on January 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Next step: crowdsourced remote surgery.
posted by alexei at 1:23 AM on January 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Life and death! I had that for the PC, beschizza. Could never get it right; when I diagnosed kidney stones, it was appendicitis. When I diagnosed appendicitis, it was kidney stones.

Anyway, it was a great way to rack up a body count before Doom came along.
posted by dr_dank at 3:48 AM on January 29, 2013


Surgeon: First I will inject my hand full of Lidocaine....
posted by Splunge at 6:06 AM on January 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


I used to do Life and Death on the PC too. My diagnostic skills were on target, but, well, come to me for a appendectomy? Let's just say Victor Frankenstein did tidy surgical work.
posted by Samizdata at 6:23 AM on January 29, 2013


BONUS: PRESS F8* TO LISTEN TO THE BEST HEART SURGERY MUSIC EVER

*DL ver.
posted by P.o.B. at 6:39 AM on January 29, 2013


BE QUIET BOB
posted by Kabanos at 7:40 AM on January 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thus far all I have done is jam my left hand in the chest cavity and squoosh it around squooshily. Also the unity thingy does something weird to my computer such that trying to move the mouse to close the browser window only makes the hands flap helplessly at the upper right corner, which is simultaneously hilarious and creepy.
posted by elizardbits at 8:08 AM on January 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


Needs more realistic sound effects:

"Why the hell is the circulator on break!"

"You're cutting the suture too long!"

"Who taught you to hold the retractor like that?!"

"These aren't the instruments I wanted!"

"I don't care what I asked for!"

"You're cutting the suture too short!"

"Godammit, Ted, the patient's moving again!"
posted by TedW at 8:53 AM on January 29, 2013 [6 favorites]


Kabanos: "BE QUIET BOB"

sssh, no tears.
posted by boo_radley at 10:23 AM on January 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


I pulled a lung out through the structurally-intact ribcage and threw it against the patient's face, and then my guy made vomiting noises while I wrote invisible surgery notes with my wrist twisted like 560 degrees in the wrong direction. I always wanted to be part of my own hideously nightmarish Monty Python sketch.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 4:29 PM on January 29, 2013


When I tried to give the patient CPR to restart his heart, both of his lungs flew from his partially intact ribcage. The patient was obviously defective. So I'll call this a success on my part. The patient failed.
posted by Splunge at 5:11 PM on January 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


SHHH
posted by empath at 7:21 PM on January 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Joakim Ziegler: "I'll wait for the Skrillex-soundtracked MLG video"

Ah, here it is.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:16 PM on January 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


So I'll call this a success on my part. The patient failed.

The proper way to phrase that is "the operation was a success but the patient died."
posted by TedW at 6:04 AM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hmm, that link was supposed to go here.
posted by TedW at 12:26 PM on January 30, 2013


The makers of the game are doing a Reddit AMA (ask me anything). I don't think I realized they did it in 48 hours!
posted by cobaltnine at 10:23 AM on January 31, 2013


The game's control layout/ concept (intentional impossibility) seems made for a RoosterTeeth Rage Quit video, and sure enough they didn't disappoint
posted by BorgesianSisyphus at 5:40 PM on February 19, 2013


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