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The Streets Aren't Paved With Gold, Even Under All the Vomit
January 30, 2013 1:12 PM   Subscribe

One point needs to be made clear. It's not that the British government dislikes Bulgarians or Romanians; somebody needs to pick up the slack now the Polish builders have become too expensive. They're just worried that people in Budapest or Sofia don't know that Britain is, well, a bit shit, that you can't find a decent goulash for love nor money and that you may just not like it there. So they're proposing an ad campaign to warn of the dangers of living in Britain. Knowning that in this, its darkest hour, their country needs them, Guardian readers have responded in their literal dozens to contribute ad ideas. It's not as if they're short on material, after all.
posted by MartinWisse (102 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
And only after I hit post I notice a word is missing after Guardian: readers.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:13 PM on January 30, 2013


MartinWisse: And only after I hit post I notice a word is missing after Guardian: readers.

I just thought it was that British thing of when they use plural tenses with a singular group noun, like "Liverpool have been pants."
posted by Rock Steady at 1:15 PM on January 30, 2013 [9 favorites]


Oh, we did this in the US. We made a series of PSAs called "reality television". Didn't work.
posted by orme at 1:15 PM on January 30, 2013 [37 favorites]


Fixed, carry on.
posted by cortex at 1:16 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'd heard that Canada was doing this, didn't know about the U.K.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:19 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


orme - worse than that (for the brits) is that we sent 2 of our most odious reality stars over there (speidi) - i do think we need to make a strict rule that we won't take them back unless it's in trade for piers morgan. also, quite a few of our reality shows come from over the pond. maybe we should try importing the awesome quiz/panel shows next.
posted by nadawi at 1:20 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


[Before the Olympics] We're a great place to be and open to all!
posted by Melismata at 1:23 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


> I'd heard that Canada was doing this, didn't know about the U.K.

CANADA: DRIVE A CAB IN FREEZING RAIN
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:28 PM on January 30, 2013 [13 favorites]


I don't know whether "Come Here and Clean the Loos" or "Britain: Don't Bother, We're Closed" is my favorite.

My analogous slogan for the US would be: "The United States of America: Fuck Off, Because Fuck You, That's Why".
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:29 PM on January 30, 2013 [19 favorites]


If We Knew You Were Coming, We'd Have Built Some Housing, Maintained Our Infrastructure and Restarted Our Economy.

Brilliant.
posted by Lemurrhea at 1:30 PM on January 30, 2013 [19 favorites]


I'm thinking that if I lived in Iasi in an old school Communist concrete apartment building with my mom, two siblings, and a grandma, and I made US$200 a month, I probably wouldn't give a shit if it rains in the UK or the streets were dirty. Those would sound a lot like first world problems to me.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:30 PM on January 30, 2013 [14 favorites]


Well, at least a new life awaits me on one of the offworld colonies.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 1:32 PM on January 30, 2013 [52 favorites]


The US slogan should technically be IF YOU HAVE STUFF WE WILL TAKE IT AND KILL YOU.
posted by elizardbits at 1:33 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


Yeah the Canada one was posted just a day or so ago. Thought this was a double for a minute.
posted by emjaybee at 1:34 PM on January 30, 2013


Apparently everybody (i.e., Canada and the UK) is being a dick about immigration this week.
posted by Kitteh at 1:36 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Is this supposed to be a deterrent? Because Miami is a 3-hour drive from me and I'd GLADLY trade.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 1:36 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


They need one with an image of the peasants from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the caption "Britain: It's Quaint."


That, or an image of Jean Charles de Menezes and something like "Meet our friendly and helpful bobbies!"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:41 PM on January 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Go to Australia instead!"

Now really, there's no reason to be inhumane.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:42 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


The government telling everyone how awful our country is sounds a bit treasonous to me.
posted by dng at 1:42 PM on January 30, 2013


USA: Now's not the best time we're working through some gun stuff. I hear Canada is nice.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:43 PM on January 30, 2013 [12 favorites]


elizardbits: "The US slogan should technically be IF YOU HAVE STUFF WE WILL TAKE IT AND KILL YOU."

We also would have accepted "TRY AND STOP US".
posted by boo_radley at 1:48 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


Somebody should feed this idea to all the racist anti-immigration but always flag-pin-wearing-chest-thumping-fake-patriot Republicans; watching their 'hate Mexicans" or "can never say anything other than USA #1" sides dueling each other til they explode would be really entertaining.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:51 PM on January 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


Also "MORE GUNS THAN ANYONE ELSE"
posted by elizardbits at 1:51 PM on January 30, 2013


Fixed, carry on.

Yeah, a poster for a Carry On movie would do just as well.
After suffering through a heateave 'grey Britain' sounds nice. And it's my favorite Gallows album.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 1:53 PM on January 30, 2013


2bucksplus: USA: Now's not the best time we're working through some gun stuff. I heard Canada is nice.

Depends on who you are--see emjaybee's comment above. I can't even comment in the Canadian thread because it makes me so disgusted with both my government's policies and some of the comments from people I thought were better than that kind of xenophobic bullshit.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:53 PM on January 30, 2013


Then is unwanted immigration the reason that dare not speak its name behind all Cameron's EU referendum talk?
posted by jamjam at 1:53 PM on January 30, 2013


Not entirely.

The EU is basically gun control for Tories hardliners; something they go completely mental over for no discernable reason other than their own paranoia about German bureaucrats wanting to regulate the meat content of their sausages.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:58 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


To be fair, it was Belgian bureaucrats regulating the meat content of British sausages. I believe the regulation was that British sausages must contain some meat.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:02 PM on January 30, 2013 [22 favorites]


The EU is basically gun control for Tories hardliners; something they go completely mental over for no discernable reason other than their own paranoia about German bureaucrats wanting to regulate the meat content of their sausages.

Can less horse meat in your banger be a bad thing?
posted by tommasz at 2:03 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then is unwanted immigration the reason that dare not speak its name behind all Cameron's EU referendum talk?
Kinda. The UKIP are meant to be against the EU, but a lot of their supporters are really against immigration (among other things, such as the modern world). The EU is seen as a source of migrants, which it is, but also a neat cover for xenophobia and all kinds of reactionary nonsense. Cameron doesn't really give a shit about the EU and is happy to keep being a member. But he needs the votes of UKIP if he is to stand a chance at winning the next election. The referendum is basically a ploy to get those votes, but without actually changing much about the UK's relationship with the EU.

The coalition government has also been talking a lot about a strict "migrant cap" for not-EU countries, but it's pretty laughworthy. They want to count university students as migrants, making our poor quality higher education sector even less attractive, and also ignore the worthwhileness of skilled migration.
posted by Jehan at 2:07 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


I thought the reason behind the EU referendum talk was "stop fucking with our London banks".
posted by smackfu at 2:10 PM on January 30, 2013


TheWhiteSkull: "To be fair, it was Belgian bureaucrats regulating the meat content of British sausages. I believe the regulation was that British sausages must contain some meat."

Up until this point, some British sausages were classified as sandbags by European countries.
posted by boo_radley at 2:12 PM on January 30, 2013 [7 favorites]


I was in a chain coffee shop in a part of central London known for its Arabic/North African community earlier today. We were literally the only white, non-Arabic speaking people in the place - the Daily Mail couldn't have constructed a better strawman beverage provider. And I really liked that. It was like being on holiday in Amsterdam, except instead of bearded guys talking in Dutch about Isabelle Adjani at the bar, there were guys clustered around lattes mentioning 'Facebook' and 'Balotelli' in a language I didn't speak.

Also, both of us are economic migrants - one from Scotland, the other from the post-industrial North. Surely we're taking someone's jobs? How about the Irish and Norwegian colleagues who are heads of department in my office - wait, those are the 'right' kind of immigrants, amirite?

Migration Watch can go fuck themselves.
posted by mippy at 2:23 PM on January 30, 2013 [26 favorites]


Meh. We've been doing this for years in the United States; we just call our ads warning away immigrants "reality shows."
posted by koeselitz at 2:23 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Come to Britain!

Where the elected mayor of the capital will greet you, our supermarkets with quality meats will feed you, our women will give you the coats off their backs, our shops provide choice with the clothes on their racks, our navy is impressive (if they don't need to fight), and our libraries are funded so you can read what Brits write.

(Erm, emigrating to Iowa, USA, as soon as possible)
posted by Wordshore at 2:23 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


I think the "USA! USA"/"Durn immigrunts takin' ARE JERBS" contingent would be well represented by a kitten devouring a cheeseburger with the caption BEST CHEEZBURGR EVA U CAN NOT HAZ which, honestly, would be a huge leap forward in terms of the rhetoric and logic of their usual discussions.

Maybe Glenn Beck shedding a single crystal tear in the corner? I don't know, just spitballing. We haven't gotten the brief from Karl Rove yet.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:25 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


SAUSAGE FACT: Economy sausages from one supermarket here contain 32% pork. The rest is, of course, made up of tears and shame.
posted by mippy at 2:25 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Shit London photos might be a useful source of material.
posted by Kabanos at 2:26 PM on January 30, 2013


It must be working, anyway - one immigrant is already heading home.
posted by mippy at 2:27 PM on January 30, 2013



Where the elected mayor of the capital will greet you, our supermarkets with quality meats will feed you, our women will give you the coats off their backs, our shops provide choice with the clothes on their racks, our navy is impressive (if they don't need to fight), and our libraries are supported so you can read what Brits write.

(Erm, emigrating to Iowa, USA, as soon as possible)



Hmm. You're annoyed by elected officials lacking gravitas, so you're emigrating to the country alleged to have provided the horsemeat found in Tesco, and where towns like Flint, MI make Rotherham look paradisiac.

Ok. Welcome. Best of luck. Do take close care of yourself in winter. The cold doesn't go away so quickly here. And do not ignore the tornado sirens. Ever.

My architecture geek tendencies are piqued by that Rotherham picture, though.
posted by ocschwar at 2:33 PM on January 30, 2013


(Erm, emigrating to Iowa, USA, as soon as possible)

Wow, do you ever have some surprises in store for you.
posted by adamdschneider at 2:34 PM on January 30, 2013 [13 favorites]


dng: "The government telling everyone how awful our country is sounds a bit treasonous to me."

There’s a reason the British Empire spanned the globe - no-one really wanted to stay at home.
posted by Auz at 2:34 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


(Erm, emigrating to Iowa, USA, as soon as possible)

Wow, do you ever have some surprises in store for you.


Not that many.

Do take close care of yourself in winter. The cold doesn't go away so quickly here.

Yup. Seeing it on the webcam at the fiancees house every day. Still not as cold as way above the arctic circle in December, tho'.
posted by Wordshore at 2:40 PM on January 30, 2013


I'd heard that Canada was doing this, didn't know about the U.K.

Nope! Canada welcomes any and all to start a brand new life in our amazing country working the drive thru at Tim Horton's or pushing a stroller worth more than your entire monthly income. In Canada, we'll even overlook the fact you're sleeping 8 to a room or living in a closet just so you can send some money back home.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:41 PM on January 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


SAUSAGE FACT: Economy sausages from one supermarket here contain 32% pork. The rest is, of course, made up of tears and shame.

Tears and shame would classify it as a premium sausage. You should be so lucky.
posted by ArkhanJG at 2:43 PM on January 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


Iowa is big on potatoes, so it's not that dissimilar to the UK. It is the Lincolnshire of America.

Pack some brown sauce and you can make yourself a chip butty whenever you feel homesick!

Potatoes: bringing together all the immigrants.
posted by mippy at 2:44 PM on January 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


Not that many.

I'm glad that you've been here, but if you really think the things you mention are better here, then good luck to you, indeed. Except the navy thing, maybe, but if that's really a priority for you then we have totally different priorities so maybe you'll love it here after all. Personally, I'd love some defense cuts around here.
posted by adamdschneider at 2:44 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Tears and shame would classify it as a premium sausage. You should be so lucky.

if anything it is anuses and regret
posted by elizardbits at 2:45 PM on January 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


Iowa is big on potatoes

Um, are you sure you aren't thinking of Idaho?
posted by olinerd at 2:49 PM on January 30, 2013


Iowa is big on potatoes, so it's not that dissimilar to the UK. It is the Lincolnshire of America.

{grins} Brilliant; quote of the year. Though I did see a heck of a lot of corn, more than everything else put together, there.
posted by Wordshore at 2:50 PM on January 30, 2013


our women will give you the coats off their backs

Didn't get this one. What's so funny about it?
posted by KokuRyu at 2:50 PM on January 30, 2013


Um, are you sure you aren't thinking of Idaho?


Where I'm from it's called Ohio.
posted by ocschwar at 2:50 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


So I am clearly ignorant about immigration rules and regulations among EU member states. Are all borders basically open? So anybody from one EU country can migrate to another, get a job, find an apartment, and live happily ever after? Or do EU states retain some sovereignty on these matters. The article states:

The plan, which would focus on the downsides of British life, is one of a range of potential measures to stem immigration to Britain next year when curbs imposed on both country's citizens living and working in the UK will expire.

And this suggests that an EU country can put limits on immigration? This is the part I don't get. If the UK doesn't want immigrants from these countries, why not just extend or impose new curbs?
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 2:53 PM on January 30, 2013


"Go to Australia instead!"

Now really, there's no reason to be inhumane.


A little while ago, I was lying on a Sydney beach with the friend. The sky was a gorgeous shade of blue, the clouds picturesque and painterly, the ocean lapped genetly at the sand. The heat of the sun was nicely offset by an esky of cold, delicious cider; locally brewed, of course.

My friend turned to me. 'Can you believe they used to send people here to punish them?', he asked.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:57 PM on January 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


our women will give you the coats off their backs

Didn't get this one. What's so funny about it?


It is a stereotype, but also a common characteristic, of nightlife in cities in Northern England and Scotland, where the weather is often cold. In essence, young ladies often do not wear many layers when moving from club to bar, while the gentlemen exhibit far more attire. For example, in Newcastle.
posted by Wordshore at 2:57 PM on January 30, 2013


Still don't get it.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:58 PM on January 30, 2013



A little while ago, I was lying on a Sydney beach with the friend. The sky was a gorgeous shade of blue, the clouds picturesque and painterly, the ocean lapped genetly at the sand. The heat of the sun was nicely offset by an esky of cold, delicious cider; locally brewed, of course.

My friend turned to me. 'Can you believe they used to send people here to punish them?', he asked.


And then you went home and couldn't put on a shirt for 3 days because of the sunburn.

Given Australia's immigration policies, encouraging immigrants to come here is possibly a death sentence.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:59 PM on January 30, 2013


I have seen a few more of these about.

"Trainspotting was a documentary."
"Horse in the burgers actually increased the meat content."
"You'll get shit pay cleaning up our shit, and we'll still all hate you and blame you for everything."
"We give our pedophiles prime time TV shows with children."

too soon on that last one?
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:00 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


So I am clearly ignorant about immigration rules and regulations among EU member states. Are all borders basically open? So anybody from one EU country can migrate to another, get a job, find an apartment, and live happily ever after? Or do EU states retain some sovereignty on these matters.
Pretty much. There is often a lag between when a member joins to when its citizens can move freely (which the talk of "expiration" refers to), but essentially freedom of movement is written into the core of the EU. States can shut their borders in emergencies, and still ban undesirables, but if you're working and registered there's nothing to stop you. Migration between EU states is basically like it or lump it: the menu only has one option.
posted by Jehan at 3:02 PM on January 30, 2013


'Can you believe they used to send people here to punish them?'

While reading The Fatal Shore I was reminded of Legacy by Greg Bear, where colonists are stranded in a harsh, alien land with little means of survival.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:02 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


And then you went home and couldn't put on a shirt for 3 days because of the sunburn.

Slip, slop, slap, CiS. It's not rocket science.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:06 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thanks Jehan
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 3:11 PM on January 30, 2013


And this suggests that an EU country can put limits on immigration? This is the part I don't get. If the UK doesn't want immigrants from these countries, why not just extend or impose new curbs?

As part of accession treaty, new entrants to the EU are usually exempt from the free movement clause for a period. Romania and Bulgaria joined in 2007, and that exemption is about to end, so they will get free movement to live, work and claim benefits throughout the rest of the EU (though many EU states are clamping down on the latter with additional restrictions).

And no, the UK doesn't have the legal right to restrict immigration from the EU, it's part of one of the treaties we signed and is a core principle of the EU that citizens can cross the borders at will. It's kinda similar to free movement between States in the US.
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:11 PM on January 30, 2013


Please don't come to Britain – it rains and the jobs are scarce and low-paid.

I feel like Portland could follow a similar strategy to ward off the hipstergrants.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:12 PM on January 30, 2013


I'm glad that you've been here, but if you really think the things you mention are better here, then good luck to you, indeed. Except the navy thing, maybe, but if that's really a priority for you then we have totally different priorities so maybe you'll love it here after all.

Thanks, but am not moving to Iowa because of its navy. It's partially because my more sensible half is there, works there and lives there. Partially for many reasons (which don't rhyme so weren't mentioned) about the USA, and partially as people in the USA often, generally but often, seem more positive than people in the UK. Jonathan Ive put it nicely.

Which comes back to the original point of the thread. A brutally honest poster about Britain could perhaps say "Where we revel in our failures and view success with suspicion."

Nowhere's perfect, or Utopia, of course. American health costs, for example, scare the Cthulhu out of me.

Personally, I'd love some defense cuts around here.

There (USA) and here (UK), yes, definitely.
posted by Wordshore at 3:15 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


So I am clearly ignorant about immigration rules and regulations among EU member states. Are all borders basically open? So anybody from one EU country can migrate to another, get a job, find an apartment, and live happily ever after? Or do EU states retain some sovereignty on these matters.
Pretty much. There is often a lag between when a member joins to when its citizens can move freely (which the talk of "expiration" refers to), but essentially freedom of movement is written into the core of the EU. States can shut their borders in emergencies, and still ban undesirables, but if you're working and registered there's nothing to stop you. Migration between EU states is basically like it or lump it: the menu only has one option.


So in that way, is this more like California telling the dust-bowl Okies not to bother making the trip?
posted by Navelgazer at 3:55 PM on January 30, 2013


Discussing this w/friends on Twitter and I guess I'm still astounded that people think the grass is greener in the States than in Canada and the UK. My usual defense for that is because it's pretty nice living in a place where I now have healthcare, whereas back home, I didn't see doctor for anything for years because I couldn't afford to.

One of my UK friends responded with, "You mean we didn't let people die. That was the OLD UK. Today's re-engineered UK pro-actively offers many exciting new life-restructuring opportunities."
posted by Kitteh at 4:02 PM on January 30, 2013 [17 favorites]


Theoretically, if somebody loved free healthcare, a modern welfare state, and gun control but disliked warm weather would the UK be a perfect place to live? And is it easier to move there if you're a citizen of a Commonwealth country?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 4:08 PM on January 30, 2013


Kitteh's friend is either Armando Ianucci or should write for Armando Iannuci, because that is brilliant.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:09 PM on January 30, 2013


Nope, she is just a very angry lady who is pissed off about the Tories! :)
posted by Kitteh at 4:11 PM on January 30, 2013


the ocean lapped genetly at the sand.

Genet lapping.
posted by smoke at 4:18 PM on January 30, 2013


(Erm, emigrating to Iowa, USA, as soon as possible)

Wow, do you ever have some surprises in store for you.


Pay them no notice Wordshore. I lived in the UK. I live in the US. I think you're going to love it here. :)
posted by young sister beacon at 4:22 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


The riff on Mr. Yuk that also seems to also ask Y UK? (Why would you come to the UK?) made me smile.

Whereas the graphic showing how little of the UK will be above water in the future (even if the timeline is exaggerated) is just plain grim.
posted by straight at 4:32 PM on January 30, 2013


My friend turned to me. 'Can you believe they used to send people here to punish them?', he asked.

Then you were eaten by giant spiders which were in turn eaten by sharks and then stung by tiny jellyfishies.
posted by elizardbits at 5:07 PM on January 30, 2013 [22 favorites]


> is this more like California telling the dust-bowl Okies not to bother making the trip?

California is a garden of Eden, a paradise to live in or see;
But believe it or not, you won't find it so hot
If you ain't got the do re mi
posted by bukvich at 5:30 PM on January 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


Pay them no notice Wordshore. I lived in the UK. I live in the US. I think you're going to love it here. :)


No disagreement there. I settled in the US too. I just thought it hilarious what Wordshore listed: stupid politician tricks (where the US truly doth shine), depressed towns (if not for all the boarding up, that coorner of Rotherham looks like the kind of place Americans fly over just to walk around in), tainted food (tainted with American horsemeat), etc.
posted by ocschwar at 5:34 PM on January 30, 2013


Yeeaa, I don't think these billboards will succeed in discouraging anyone.

Also, sorry to be nitpicky, but I do want to point out from the post's text that Bucharest is Romania's capital, not Budapest (which is Hungary's capital). Same goes for goulash: it's 100% a Hungarian dish, not Romanian or Bulgarian (though everyone ought to love a good goulash).
posted by adso at 5:41 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


elizardbits: "My friend turned to me. 'Can you believe they used to send people here to punish them?', he asked.

Then you were eaten by giant spiders which were in turn eaten by sharks and then stung by tiny jellyfishies.
"

Continuing the off-topicness, the spider snark that goes on around here anytime Australia pops up even slightly does get a bit old.
posted by barnacles at 6:10 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Perhaps, but beaches are routinely shut down due to jellyfish infestations.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 6:29 PM on January 30, 2013


Don't you go dissing the lasses Oop North, Wordshore
*happy memories of the Bigg Market*
*and The Adelaide*
*and The Spit & Vomit*
posted by glasseyes at 6:44 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


stupid politician tricks (where the US truly doth shine), depressed towns (if not for all the boarding up, that coorner of Rotherham looks like the kind of place Americans fly over just to walk around in), tainted food (tainted with American horsemeat), etc.

All of those things are so much more tolerable in sunshine! ;)
posted by young sister beacon at 7:09 PM on January 30, 2013


Perhaps, but beaches are routinely shut down due to jellyfish infestations.

Would these be the same beaches that you don't go to because you because you fear the evil daystar? Because that's not really accurate at all. It may be routine, but it's infrequent.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:23 PM on January 30, 2013


Keep Calm and Carry On Travelling Somewhere Else.
posted by the cydonian at 7:54 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


It may be routine, but it's infrequent.

6 months of the year in the NT — Box jellyfish.

It has been described as "the most lethal jellyfish in the world", with at least 63 known deaths in Australia from 1884 to 1996.
posted by Wolof at 8:20 PM on January 30, 2013


The major downside to Australia is, of course, that it's full of Australians.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:30 PM on January 30, 2013


The trouble with Scotland...is that it's full of Scots!
posted by adamdschneider at 9:07 PM on January 30, 2013


It may be routine, but it's infrequent.

6 months of the year in the NT — Box jellyfish.

Granted, but we were talking Sydney, and bluebottles.

Anyways, let's get back to why the UK is such a festering pit! Chavs, poor food, worse teeth, no jobs...etc., etc., etc.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:20 PM on January 30, 2013


mippy: "chip butty"

White bread, butter, chips and kethcup and you're good to go!! :) enjoy!
posted by absqua at 9:46 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


White bread, butter, chips and kethcup and you're good to go!! :) enjoy!

Gah. If that doesn't keep people away, I don't know what will.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:23 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


That's a strange picture in the article. Never seen a multi-layered chip butty. This is the norm. Alternately, some people go freestyle, and start with the chips outside the bread and butter. Here, this is illustrated using the racy variation of brown sauce instead of tomato ketchup. (This is frowned on in some places as being a bit 'continental' or European in nature).

Usually washed down with hot, sweet (and milked) tea for much of England, or a bottle of Irn-Bru if in parts of Scotland.

Oh ... and then, there is the food that bizarrely instills terror in US friends, namely pork scratchings...
posted by Wordshore at 10:55 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


pork scratchings...

Those are just "pork rinds" in the US. Are you sure your friends are Real Murricans?
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:09 PM on January 30, 2013


Are you sure your friends are Real Murricans?

Yup. They follow the hockey that is played on ice, eat the gravy-covered poutine stuff, and wash it down with Tim Hortons coffee. {checks online} Hey; wait...
posted by Wordshore at 11:19 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I live within spitting distance of Rotherham. I have tested this several times.
posted by longbaugh at 12:12 AM on January 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh ... and then, there is the food that bizarrely instills terror in US friends, namely pork scratchings...

Those are common in the American South as pork rinds and in the Western states, including California, as chicharrones. I agree you've been hanging out with a specific subset of Americans.
posted by vacapinta at 12:59 AM on January 31, 2013


Perhaps, but beaches are routinely shut down due to jellyfish infestations.

We're starting to get that here on the French Riviera too.

The major downside to Australia is, of course, that it's full of Australians.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 5:30 AM on January 31 [+] [!]

The trouble with Scotland...is that it's full of Scots!
posted by adamdschneider at 6:07 AM on January 31 [+] [!]


The trouble with France is, even the French complain about themselves. And then they complain about how they're a nation of complainers. Then we have two-hour lunches where we drown those complaints in one of the hundreds of cheap wines we're able to drink on our lunch breaks, and someone complains about the wine. We return to our jobs, with the best health care in the world and a 35-hour workweek, and complain about how the country's going to the shitter because BANKS and CAPITALISM and no one actually works 35 hours any more, it's more like 37 or even 40, and no one wants to spend one of their 21 paid vacation days just to sit at home in dreary boring Paris when they could be somewhere exciting like London. (not making this up)

Then they go to London and complain about the English complaining about the French and a perfect circle of gripe is formed. It's positively invigorating.
posted by fraula at 1:39 AM on January 31, 2013 [16 favorites]


The major downside to Australia is, of course, that it's full of Australians.

Impossible, they're all in London tending bar.
posted by MartinWisse at 4:17 AM on January 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


The trouble with MetaFilter is that it's full of MeFites.
posted by Wordshore at 4:43 AM on January 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


The trouble with MetaFilter is that it's full of MeFites.


The trouble with Camberville, MA is that it's full of Mefites. Literally and figuratively.
posted by ocschwar at 5:51 AM on January 31, 2013


the spider snark...

I concur, and suggest that we switch to snarking about flies. The horrible, horrible, infesting unholy parasite flies.
posted by aramaic at 6:08 AM on January 31, 2013


hose are common in the American South as pork rinds and in the Western states, including California, as chicharrones.

I just stood next to a display of Grandpa John's Pork Cracklins in a grocery store in Cleveland the other day, too. Who hasn't heard of pork rinds, I ask you.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:24 AM on January 31, 2013


Dang, that chip butty looks fabulous. I have never actually seen one before, and never bestirred myself to figure out what it was. Thank you for changing my life!

(I am partial to toast over room-temperature bread, and so might make it that way, but I think some exploration is in my future.)
posted by wenestvedt at 8:52 AM on January 31, 2013


There's been an interesting development regarding the story in the FPP. A Romanian news website has been facilitating a counter-campaign, pointing out the virtues of Romania compared to Britain. The BBC report on this.

And here's some examples of what they've come up with, and some more, and a few more if you poke around their Facebook pictures.
posted by Wordshore at 10:55 AM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


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