Bang With Friends

February 3, 2013 12:07 PM

Bang With Friends : presenting a Facebook app to help with your hookup needs. Simply indicate which of your Facebook Friends you'd like to sleep with, and if any of those also indicate they'd like to sleep with you, then you both get notified.

Future Metafilter feature?

posted by Chocolate Pickle (131 comments total)

Just another blocked app.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 12:10 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Wow, Yahoo is really fine-tuning their linkbait content marketing efforts: Facebook + SEX + FWB
posted by KokuRyu at 12:11 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Oh dear God.

Future Metafilter feature?

Ditto.
posted by orange swan at 12:17 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

I wonder if my friends will think I'm a total sleaze if they see I have this installed on facebook.
posted by andoatnp at 12:20 PM on February 3 [6 favorites]

Future Metafilter feature?

Nothing good will come of confusing this app with a pony....
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:23 PM on February 3 [13 favorites]

This reminds me of eCrush from the late 90s/ early 2000s. I remember setting up an account there because I received an email that someone had a crush on me, but then in order to receive more hints about the identity of my crush, I had to put in more email addresses of other people that I had crushes on.

I never actually found love through the site, but at least no one discovered that it was me sending them the emails (as far as I know, anyway). Unlike Bang with Friends, which apparently shows you which of your friends are using the app before you install it. Yikes.
posted by sabira at 12:24 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

I would fuck this pony.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:25 PM on February 3 [25 favorites]

This kind of "two surveys / notify about the intersection" thing has been tried before. I dimly remember one of them - a pair of kink surveys designed to be taken by people already in a relationship - was posted here (can anyone find the link?) before. I think a lot of people commented at the time they'd just tick everything on offer because the idea of not knowing would drive them nuts. I wonder how this one will work out.
posted by curious.jp at 12:26 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

I wonder if my friends will think I'm a total sleaze if they see I have this installed on facebook.

Is there really any need to wonder?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:29 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

"It's too transactional," one said. "If I'm in the mood for meaningless sex, I can go to a bar, flirt with a cute guy, and have my drinks paid for first."

To think people claim Americans don't do deadpan irony...
posted by jaduncan at 12:30 PM on February 3 [48 favorites]

Yeah, I'm just picking all my friends and using this as a reverse monitoring tool.

That's the problem with an app like this: you can't gauge the sincerity of the people using it. It's like that Jason Fortuny Craigslist scandal. If one party's using the app just to get dirt on the other, there's no recourse for the person trying to use this sincerely.
posted by Rory Marinich at 12:31 PM on February 3 [12 favorites]

How antiquated. No location awareness, no way to contact people not on your friends list... what's the point?
posted by acidic at 12:31 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Also, am I alone in finding their cover photo really weird? Like, what is that girl doing? Why is she smothering herself?
posted by Rory Marinich at 12:32 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

Why is she smothering herself?

Some people are into that.
posted by kenko at 12:33 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

How antiquated. No location awareness, no way to contact people not on your friends list... what's the point?

You seek Tinder.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:34 PM on February 3

I'm more concerned that she hung an upside-down parental advisory warning on her wall, which seems like the lamest gesture towards rebellion possible.
posted by neuromodulator at 12:35 PM on February 3 [6 favorites]

I once got a notification from one of those "Answer Questions about Your Friends" apps that "someone" had answered a question about me: "Have you ever had a crush on Flunkie?" Click here to find out who answered, and how!

Curiosity got the better of me, so I clicked. The answer: "No."

"Awwwwwww," I thought.

Clicked again to see who answered: My niece.

"OH! Uh... Well! Uh... That's good!"
posted by Flunkie at 12:36 PM on February 3 [16 favorites]

it has never even occurred to me to have sex in the position in their icon
posted by nathancaswell at 12:39 PM on February 3

Ohhh, they're hiring.

Send resumes to [e-mail] ... ew...
posted by wcfields at 12:45 PM on February 3 [8 favorites]

Why Don't Women Use Hook-Up Apps? They're Made By Men.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:48 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

Geez, you kids and your apps. All we had back in the day were these.
posted by not_on_display at 12:51 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

I wonder if my friends will think I'm a total sleaze if they see I have this installed on facebook.

Is there really any need to wonder?

Well, my friends know that I use craigslist/manhunt/adam4adam/etc. to find strangers to have casual sex with and I don't think they think I'm a sleaze. Is Bang With Friends somehow sleazier than the other ways that gay men have traditionally found casual sex partners?
posted by andoatnp at 12:54 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

Man, I'm old, because even if I were single, I can't imagine using this in a million years. I don't have anything against one night stands, but I'd want to have one with someone who has the confidence to approach me directly and risk rejection, not someone who hides behind an app.
posted by desjardins at 12:55 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

There should be one for group sex, too: Thirds With Friends.
posted by argonauta at 12:59 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

Why Don't Women Use Hook-Up Apps? They're Made By Men?

Based on the number of exes from my past who have contacted me out of the blue, women think Facebook is that app.
posted by srboisvert at 1:02 PM on February 3 [11 favorites]

Ugh, another tool men can use to creep out women.

I guess the silver lining is that women can identify and unfriend sleazy dudes who are pretending to be their friends.
posted by discopolo at 1:06 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Based on the number of exes from my past who have contacted me out of the blue, women think Facebook is that app.

Yeah, seriously. And it's not even about contact in the traditional sense: let's just say that when a girl pokes you, you know what's up.
posted by Rory Marinich at 1:06 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

I guess the silver lining is that women can identify and unfriend sleazy dudes who are pretending to be their friends.

Look, this particular app may be kind of tone-deaf, but "Hey, you are a good friend, and also maybe sex?" is not something that is strictly limited to men.
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:08 PM on February 3 [8 favorites]

A poke for a poke.
posted by nathancaswell at 1:08 PM on February 3

Yeah, seriously. And it's not even about contact in the traditional sense: let's just say that when a girl pokes you, you know what's up.

Are you sure they're not just being friendly because they got nostalgic about their prom date with the ridiculous hair right before they go to bed with their rich, gorgeous, six-pack bearing boyfriend who is totally amazing?

It doesn't mean she wants you, dude. It could mean she was drunk and a little lonely. Not that she definitely wants your privates smacking hers.
posted by discopolo at 1:12 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Why Don't Women Use Hook-Up Apps?



Because EW.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:13 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

Look, this particular app may be kind of tone-deaf, but "Hey, you are a good friend, and also maybe sex?" is not something that is strictly limited to men.

I can only speak from my own experience of the numerous sleazy guys who messaged me on OKC, and they way single guys interact with me at different events despite not trying to get to know me because they think TV and movies and PUA books are a good way of figuring out how to get a woman to sleep with them.
posted by discopolo at 1:15 PM on February 3

I can only speak from my own experience of the numerous sleazy guys who messaged me on OKC, and they way single guys interact with me at different events despite not trying to get to know me because they think TV and movies and PUA books are a good way of figuring out how to get a woman to sleep with you.

Did I miss something? I thought we were talking about people you know and have friended on Facebook, not random strangers.
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:17 PM on February 3

I really don't trust the security on the instances of this sort of thing I've seen. Particularly not with Facebook involved.
posted by rmd1023 at 1:18 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Did I miss something? I thought we were talking about people you know and have friended on Facebook, not random strangers.

Plus, it only alerts two people about the possibility of a sexual pairing when they have both indicated that there is a shared interest in such a thing. Random sleazes hitting on strange women is basically nothing like an app that helps let people know when mutual attraction exists. (And to consider this from the perspective of straight women, to the extent this app will make it so men can avoid sexually propositioning the (possibly uninterested) women in their lives, it seems like a good thing.)
posted by andoatnp at 1:22 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

Future Metafilter feature?

That'd be Beanplate With Friends
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 1:30 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

It doesn't mean she wants you, dude. It could mean she was drunk and a little lonely. Not that she definitely wants your privates smacking hers.

No, drunk lonely people send you texts or Facebook messages. When you're drunk and lonely, a poke isn't enough. You're looking for actual contact. A poke is for when you want somebody to pay attention to you, but you don't want to make idle conversation or pretend you have an excuse for talking to them. It's just... a poke. And then if they poke back, you have an excuse to poke again. And then there's a back-and-forth, by the end of which you feel like you've made a real actual human connection, and can proceed straight away to flirting.

I don't trust texts – texts can be regretted. I trust pokes. A poke war ends with a chocolate fondue party and a Shrek marathon two weeks later. Every damn time. The poke is the most powerful weapon known to awkward high school kids, which is why Mark Zuckerberg made it.
posted by Rory Marinich at 1:32 PM on February 3 [10 favorites]

People still poke!?!?
posted by raccoon409 at 1:40 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

Looking at facebook, I don't see any way to poke any more! Am I missing something? I mean, I was never an avid poker to begin with (YES I KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS).
posted by sweltering at 1:42 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Did I miss something? I thought we were talking about people you know and have friended on Facebook, not random strangers.

There's a difference? I've got FB friends I've just met randomly once or twice at parties. I'm worried about installing this app because a. people will think I'm a sleaze (I kinda am), b. I'm worried nobody will want to hook up with me and c. I have too many friends to filter. Though the small chance of success is tempting me to install it anyway.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 1:44 PM on February 3

See also.
posted by moss at 1:44 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Did I miss something? I thought we were talking about people you know and have friended on Facebook, not random strangers.

Let me spell it out: It's not any better having a guy who is supposed to be a friend suddenly ask you for sex then get bitter and call you a bitch for not feeling the same way. It's uncomfortable and can be scarier and weirder than having random strangers message you.

It's awkward dealing with a dude who is supposed to be a friend, who is attracted to you and knows all the same people, and you aren't attracted to them. Especially if he's prone to bitterness.
posted by discopolo at 1:54 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

Yup. Glad to be married.
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:56 PM on February 3 [11 favorites]

Melissa Gira Grant: Girl Geeks and Boy Kings.

"Losse herself was an early Facebook adopter, during the fall of her last year at Johns Hopkins when Facebook launched on her campus. Prior to using Facebook, she never associated her online activities with her legal name. “For women,” she writes, “there is no value in putting yourself online and offering yourself to strangers.” But women have long found ways to reap this worth for themselves, whether as fashion bloggers, porn stars, or attractive TED speakers. In performing some version of themselves online, pseudonymous or not, these women have earned their reputations and their rent."
posted by mwhybark at 1:57 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

holy crap, Rory's 100% correct!

'Women workers at Facebook, the customer service buffer between programmers and users, were charged with the social upkeep of this “safe space.” Hundreds of times a day, Facebook users would email Losse and the support team to ask, “What does poking mean?” “We always responded innocently,” Losse writes. “Being coy, not admitting the libidinal urges driving much of the site’s usage, was professionally necessary, a way to differentiate Facebook from the cheap and overtly sexual vibes of MySpace.”'
posted by mwhybark at 1:59 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

See also.
posted by moss

triple yuckola
posted by Golem XIV at 1:59 PM on February 3

Let me spell it out: It's not any better having a guy who is supposed to be a friend suddenly ask you for sex then get bitter and call you a bitch for not feeling the same way. It's uncomfortable and can be scarier and weirder than having random strangers message you.

Except the app only lets you know if a mutual pick has taken place, which is spelled out in the post and numerous comments, so your objection doesn't apply.
posted by adamdschneider at 2:00 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

Let me spell it out: It's not any better having a guy who is supposed to be a friend suddenly ask you for sex then get bitter and call you a bitch for not feeling the same way. It's uncomfortable and can be scarier and weirder than having random strangers message you.

With this app, a message is only sent if two people have mutually indicated that they are both interested in the sexually pairing. I realize what you're talking about is shitty and a problem, but it has nothing to do with this app. If anything "Bang With Friends" should decrease the amount of unwanted propositioning going on, by allowing a guy's interest to only be known (and communicated) when the attention is wanted by the recipient.
posted by andoatnp at 2:01 PM on February 3

And don't get me started on the inevitable bitching by guys of being "friendzoned" because they can't accept that the attraction isn't always mutual and they think being friends with a woman entitles them to sex.

I'm pretty sure that subset will flock to this and get pissed when they don't get paired up and their crush hooks up with guys who are good looking and well-socialized enough to have a lot of opportunities with women friends.
posted by discopolo at 2:02 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

to do with this app. If anything "Bang With Friends" should decrease the amount of unwanted propositioning going on, by allowing a guy's interest to only be known (and communicated) when the attention is wanted by the recipient.

Yes, but who inevitably gets pissed when the woman has the application installed and they don't get paired up together? "Waaah women only like bad boys. Waah she's a superficial bitch waaaah friendzoned."

My point: There are poorly socialized men out there with poor emotional management skills especially when it comes to dealing with women and sex.
posted by discopolo at 2:04 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

"If I'm in the mood for meaningless sex, I can go to a bar, flirt with a cute guy, and have my drinks paid for first."

Call me old fashioned...
posted by a non e mouse at 2:15 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Re the Metafilter request, if one of a pair cannot get a plate of beans off their mind, then hooking up that evening is contraindicated. And it's not like garlic where if you both had it it's OK, either.
posted by zippy at 2:18 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

I don't have Facebook, so I think by not using that and this app I am perpetually placed in the Friend Zone -- by everyone.
Waaaah.

Thanks technology, thou vile black mirror.
posted by Mezentian at 2:20 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

This is exactly what I need! An app that lets my friends who used to do things like post "I'm a pretty pretty princess!" on my feed when I went to the bathroom and left my phone at the table now be able to sign me up for a series of awkward trysts with everyone I know regardless of attraction, orientation or gender.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:21 PM on February 3 [17 favorites]

Just use the password/swipey-thing.
Problem solved.
posted by Mezentian at 2:24 PM on February 3

Oh, Mezentian, I wouldn't call it a friend zone.
posted by boo_radley at 2:25 PM on February 3

You're right. It's totally the Phantom Zone.
Without Facebook it's like I don't even exist.
posted by Mezentian at 2:28 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

Yeah, I'm just picking all my friends and using this as a reverse monitoring tool.

yeah, that's the excuse I'm going with too.

God, all my friends are JUST SO FUCKABLE.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 2:29 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

The pony should include marry and kill options as well as fuck. If kill is selected by both they may arrange for mutual combat or mediation via MeMail.
posted by humanfont at 2:30 PM on February 3 [33 favorites]

humanfront is on to something...
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:31 PM on February 3

The pony should include marry and kill options as well as fuck.

Exclusively? What if no one on the internet knows you are a praying mantis?
posted by ennui.bz at 2:37 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

Finally, more bang for your buck!

Or is that the 2-for-1 porno app I'm thinking of?
posted by windykites at 2:39 PM on February 3

No, drunk lonely people send you texts or Facebook messages. When you're drunk and lonely, a poke isn't enough. You're looking for actual contact. A poke is for when you want somebody to pay attention to you, but you don't want to make idle conversation or pretend you have an excuse for talking to them. It's just... a poke. And then if they poke back, you have an excuse to poke again. And then there's a back-and-forth, by the end of which you feel like you've made a real actual human connection, and can proceed straight away to flirting.

I think you'll find that communicative intentions are capacious enough, and communicators varied enough, that you can never say "this communicative act always means this".
posted by kenko at 2:41 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

This reminds me of eCrush from the late 90s/ early 2000s. I remember setting up an account there because I received an email that someone had a crush on me, but then in order to receive more hints about the identity of my crush, I had to put in more email addresses of other people that I had crushes on.

I seem to recall they went defunct after it came to light that they were sending those messages out to random college students in order to get people to sign up out of curiosity to find out which of their friends had a crush on them, thereby seeding their user base. This happened when their user base was still small enough that afterwards everyone just assumed that it was an advertising email, not a real notification, and no one signed up any more.
posted by eviemath at 2:52 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Except the app only lets you know if a mutual pick has taken place, which is spelled out in the post and numerous comments, so your objection doesn't apply.

So you actually think that the problem of men hitting on women and then getting pissed off and aggressive when the women don't immediately hop into bed with them could be solved by the right app ? That is so...cute.
posted by medusa at 2:55 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

No one else has mentioned this yet, so what about the potential for bullying? Attractive person indicates he/she would sleep with numerous less attractive friends, and when the pairing messages arrive, shares the news with other attractive jerks so they can all snicker together.

I know this is really High School but some people never grow past that point.
posted by subdee at 3:07 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Another terrible use for this service would be using it to indicate that you would like to sleep with a friend who is already in a happily committed relationship. Like sending the message "you should break up with Steve and date me" or "I don't mind if you keep seeing Steve, but just so you know I totally would". And then you and Steve have to make awkward conversation with your mutual creepy friend at house parties...
posted by subdee at 3:12 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Another terrible use for this service would be using it to indicate that you would like to sleep with a friend who is already in a happily committed relationship. Like sending the message "you should break up with Steve and date me" or "I don't mind if you keep seeing Steve, but just so you know I totally would".

The message doesn't get sent unless both people are using the app and both people have indicated that they'd like to sleep with each other. Presumably, someone in a happily committed monogamous relationship wouldn't fall into that category.
posted by Flunkie at 3:16 PM on February 3

Facepoker?
posted by sneebler at 3:27 PM on February 3

Looking past the skeevyness in real life, the gamer in me wants to adjust the rules of this app to encourage better behaviour from the players.

Limiting your selection to a maximum of, say, 1% of your total friends seems like it would mitigate people using this just to gather data. Anonymising results until you send a reply might reduce malicious use too (eg. "You have matched with someone, say Hi!" instead of "Your friend ___ would also like to bump uglies. Your move".
posted by lucidium at 3:28 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

> Facepoker?

But I 'ardly know 'er!
sorry
posted by lucidium at 3:29 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

But how would you actually get from App to Sex? "Hi... uh, so... we both want to... y'know. Cool, cool So.... drinks tonight?"
posted by Autumn at 3:37 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Just urgh.
posted by arcticseal at 3:47 PM on February 3

Clearly the problem here is that everyone hopes they will magically find out one of their good friends who they find totally hot actually feels the same and wants to shag them, when in reality those hookups would have already happened. What's needed is a re-evaluation of what constitutes an attractive hookup to address the apparent deficit in options for both genders. Previously this was achieved with alcohol, but that's totally Web 1.0.

So the app should take a different tack to encourage people to explore the potential hookups they have already ruled out - perhaps through being "too picky" - by rebranding itself as pitysexwithfriends.com and relying on the social network connection to check the is-not-a-murderer criterion, but otherwise considering options based on a last-come-first-served approach.

They could change the logo to a Union Jack (think of England!) to distract people from a ruthless and needlessly limiting evaluation based solely on physical attractiveness, and instead talk up the virtues of investing in the future supply of people with a decent chance of forming a relationship with someone like you by having them trained ... by you ... in how to at least be a good shag.
posted by pulposus at 3:49 PM on February 3 [8 favorites]

See also.

"Oh, baby, lead my thoughts!"
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:06 PM on February 3

when in reality those hookups would have already happened

The problem here is that your reasoning is informed by a sort of temporal parochialism. Of all the physical relationships anyone has ever been involved with, none of them happen until they happen. There are people who have known each other for years who will bed down for the first time tomorrow, app or no app.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:21 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

When Amazon takes it over, it'll include "Recommendations by Others" and 'find others like this one' ...
posted by hank at 4:27 PM on February 3 [8 favorites]

There are people who have known each other for years who will bed down for the first time tomorrow, app or no app.

True. What I was getting at was more that apps to enable people who are available, socially connected and attracted to each other to hook up are optimising a process that already works pretty well and probably will not result in a great expansion in the number of people who actually get together.


That and I really just liked the idea of pitysexwithfriends.com and needed a convenient way to dismiss the current concept out-of-hand.
posted by pulposus at 4:49 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

Yup. Glad to be a pony.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:13 PM on February 3

When Amazon takes it over,

Was this hookup helpful for you? Yes No
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:14 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

*clvrmnky checks out all the other handles in the chat room*

Hey, Metafilter, how you doin?
posted by clvrmnky at 5:17 PM on February 3

Think about the stars rating system and customer reviews.
posted by maxwelton at 5:27 PM on February 3

When Amazon takes it over, it'll include "Recommendations by Others" and 'find others like this one' ...

"Customers who banged this person also banged..."
posted by BrashTech at 5:40 PM on February 3 [20 favorites]

"Customers who banged this person also

purchased 500ml Thrush Cream."
posted by jaduncan at 5:41 PM on February 3 [11 favorites]

Has anyone else used this? Do you know if your FB friends see that you signed up for it?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 5:49 PM on February 3

When Amazon takes it over,

Was this hookup helpful for you? Yes No

Users who had sex with _____ also had sex with....
posted by dobi at 6:06 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

When Amazon takes it over,

Was this hookup helpful for you? Yes No

Users who had sex with _____ also had sex with....

New: $29.95
Used from: $15.95 to $49.95 (SAIT)
posted by odinsdream at 6:38 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

triple yuckola

That is correct.
posted by moss at 6:45 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Customer Reviews
5 star__ 2 cute and funny, but not "hot," per se... chica | 3 reviewers made similar statement
4 star 0 ..smelled kind of like burnt plastic.. 2sexxii03| 4 reviewers made similar statement
3 star_____4
2 star___2 ..has this man never heard of blankets?..bob smits REALNAME| 4 reviewers made similar statement
1 star _1

See all 9 customer reviews
posted by louche mustachio at 6:50 PM on February 3 [6 favorites]

discopolo writes "Ugh, another tool men can use to creep out women."

Unless it's creepy just knowing that people you have friended have installed this app I'm not sure how this tool could be used to creep women out. Potential hookups have no way of knowing unless they install the app and show mutual interest.

medusa writes "So you actually think that the problem of men hitting on women and then getting pissed off and aggressive when the women don't immediately hop into bed with them could be solved by the right app ? That is so...cute."

I'm pretty sure that isn't the goal of the app.
posted by Mitheral at 7:05 PM on February 3 [4 favorites]

When Amazon takes over, they'll A/B test all your friends to find your favourite.
posted by bonehead at 7:19 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

target demographic?
posted by telstar at 7:58 PM on February 3

The theory:
Jen and Mike discover they have a mutual attraction to each other, go on a few dates, and end up hooking up.

The reality:
Jen and Mike discover they have a mutual attraction to each other and go on one date, where Mike crudely propositions Jen in a way that totally turns her off because he thinks that mutual attraction = guaranteed sex.
posted by wolfdreams01 at 8:17 PM on February 3 [5 favorites]

I'm so glad I got married before internet dating and fucking were invented. I either met my wife in a bar or at church, depending on which one of us you ask.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:22 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Jesus, what does it do if your answer is "None of them?"
posted by newdaddy at 8:22 PM on February 3

So you actually think that the problem of men hitting on women and then getting pissed off and aggressive when the women don't immediately hop into bed with them could be solved by the right app ? That is so...cute.

Thank you for the condescension, but I did not say that. Nor do I see how this app equals "hitting on women".

The reality:
Jen and Mike discover they have a mutual attraction to each other and go on one date, where Mike crudely propositions Jen in a way that totally turns her off because he thinks that mutual attraction = guaranteed sex.

Except that the app isn't about finding a "mutual attraction," it's specifically targeted at putting together people who want to "bang".

I don't think this app is a wonderful thing (or a terrible thing, for that matter), but I do think some of you are trying awful hard to cram it into your existing frameworks of "things that are bad".
posted by adamdschneider at 8:26 PM on February 3 [6 favorites]

The spouse must flow.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:56 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]

It's going to take about two seconds until curiosity drives people to indicate they would like to have sex with all of their Facebook friends-not because they actually do, but because want to know who wants to have sex with them. This would be a "tactical" use of the app, and when two people, one tactical and one sincere, are paired up, the same old awkward conversation is going to happen. This solves nothing.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:00 PM on February 3 [3 favorites]

I see a high potential for blackmail and embarrassment here in the event the app is, er, compromised.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 9:08 PM on February 3

My college has a tradition where someone implements a version of this app at the very end of Senior year. Usually it's limited to a small number (5 or so) so as to reduce tactical picks, but in the end I think a lot of 'strategizing' happens anyway.

I see a high potential for blackmail and embarrassment here in the event the app is, er, compromised.

Does anyone happen to know if it's cryptographically possible for an intermediary to work out pairings of people without actually knowing who it's pairing?
posted by BungaDunga at 9:26 PM on February 3

Future Metafilter feature?

You mean that's not what favourites are for?
posted by fullerine at 9:42 PM on February 3 [12 favorites]

I bet the guys who work there really like to bro down and crush code.
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:45 PM on February 3 [9 favorites]

I'm so glad I got married before internet dating and fucking were invented.

Fucking predates Internet dating by a very long time.
posted by humanfont at 9:49 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]

Son: Dad, how did you and Mom meet?

Dad: You really wanna know?

Dad: Ok, I won't lie to you. It was a Facebook app...

Sigh.
posted by The Illiterate Pundit at 11:47 PM on February 3

I kinda hope the next bit is:
Son: Dad, what was Facebook?
Dad: A very, very bad idea son.
posted by Mezentian at 12:22 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

It's creepy, or at least mildly "ew", because it's on Facebook. Can you imagine if this app encouraged you to invite your friends?

"Oh look, I got an invite from Jack to join this Bang With Friends app. Again. For the 4th time in 3 months. How naive does he think I am? I don't even find him attractive. Might be time to unfriend him..."
posted by DisreputableDog at 1:38 AM on February 4 [2 favorites]

Just think of this App as an agent in the field. When said agent wires 'Tinker' back to the home office, you know who to keep waiting on the open balcony of Facebook.
posted by Slackermagee at 3:32 AM on February 4

I do think some of you are trying awful hard to cram it into your existing frameworks of "things that are bad".

Actually, fitting this into my framework of "things that are bad" requires almost no effort at all because it's a textbook example of things that are bad.

Anything that de-emphasizes the importance of interpersonal communication in human relationships is a net negative.
posted by DWRoelands at 5:56 AM on February 4

Jesus, what does it do if your answer is "None of them?"

The more pertinent question in that case is "Why are you installing this app?"
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:14 AM on February 4

There are several people on this thread that need to get laid. Soon.
posted by Kokopuff at 6:54 AM on February 4

> A poke war ends with a chocolate fondue party and a Shrek marathon

I've heard of Krisco parties, but chocolate fondue? Wouldn't it be too hot?
posted by jfuller at 7:16 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

Needs Select All None Family feature.
posted by Bovine Love at 7:40 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

There are several people on this thread that need to get laid. Soon.

Click here to find out which ones.
posted by naju at 8:03 AM on February 4 [11 favorites]

The ultimate way of maximizing an unprecedented trainwreck, of course, is once this is hacked (not if, but when), the FULL SPREADSHEET (like, a 3 GB file, I'm guessing) of everyone using the app and who they want to fuck gets distributed and spreads like wildfire.
posted by naju at 8:07 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

I wonder if my friends will think I'm a total sleaze if they see I have this installed on facebook.

Depends on how sleazy your friends are.
posted by steambadger at 8:48 AM on February 4

This will work well for couples, where one is jealous and thinks the other's friends all want to sleep with her/him. Log in as their SO, mark all the "suspicious" ones, get the results, then unmark them again. "Why are you so sure [person] wants to sleep with me?" "I JUST KNOW!" Meanwhile, the matches get the results, and it turns into a giant self-fulfilling prophecy, because they start showing interest in the person just as that person's jealous partner is driving them away. Brilliant!
posted by davejay at 9:08 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

What I was getting at was more that apps to enable people who are available, socially connected and attracted to each other to hook up are optimising a process that already works pretty well and probably will not result in a great expansion in the number of people who actually get together.

I dispute your blithe assertion that this "already works pretty well." I am shacked up with someone whom I knew for 23 years as a friend/acquaintance before we started making with the smooches. Such a thing as this could have changed things between us quite a bit when we met in university. Hookup culture or no, I have no doubt there are people who will meet this year who do not get horizontal until 2036.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:48 AM on February 4

Does anyone remember when there was this "LJ-crush" or livejournal crush website? It would pull the data from your friends list and you could mark each of your friends as "crush" or "love" and stuff like that. Then you could post a snippet to your lj that was like, "I have 8 crushes and 4 lusts among my contacts! Get your lj-crush code here!"

Then, after it made the rounds for two weeks, they released, "Pay a dollar to find out who of your friends has crushes on you!" Hilarity ensued. I think the folks behind encyclopedia drammatica were behind this one.

At any rate, that's what this reminds me of.
posted by frecklefaerie at 10:07 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

There are several people on this thread that need to get laid.

I've never liked this expression. It always reminds me of farting. I guess because of "laid an egg.."
posted by sweetkid at 10:31 AM on February 4

Uh....where do you think eggs come from?
posted by louche mustachio at 12:27 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]

it has never even occurred to me to have sex in the position in their icon

It's just a modified version of "goat on a cliff."

But cool app, code bros (I work down the street from Klout). I applied for the "Growth Hacker" job. I'll let you know what happens.

Yeah, seriously. And it's not even about contact in the traditional sense: let's just say that when a girl pokes you, you know what's up.

and yeah, to nth, isn't that the only thing POKE could possibly be used for?

Looking at facebook, I don't see any way to poke any more! Am I missing something? I mean, I was never an avid poker to begin with (YES I KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS).

I have never "Facebook poked" anyone in my life, mostly b/c I assumed it meant "hey, let's fuck" (or, more chastely, "let's make out") and I am married. I have never been POKED either.

That said, it's under the "See Friendship" link in the Friends drop-down menu on your friends' pages (I think the default is "Message.") So yea, you can still POKE.

POKE.

It could mean she was drunk and a little lonely. Not that she definitely wants your privates smacking hers.

Emotional infidelity or physical infidelity--when it's a ex or someone sexually interested in you, there is very little difference. In my experience, my partners weren't fond of either sort of infidelity ... because they're really the same thing in many ways, especially if it's secret.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:18 PM on February 4

So has anyone used this yet, and can they tell me if your FB friends can see if you've joined? Or give any other insights?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:06 PM on February 4

Uh....where do you think eggs come from?

Not farting!
posted by sweetkid at 2:17 PM on February 4

Also, am I alone in finding their cover photo really weird? Like, what is that girl doing? Why is she smothering herself?

She's lifting her skirt/dress up over her head, like little girls do. Which could be cute if it wasn't exclusively used to indicate she wants the sexy sex.

It's weirdly photoshopped too, around her legs and stomach. She was probably, you know, normal and not perfect; maybe even had panties on that they decided to remove. I really wish graphic designers doing photo touch-ups of people would at least take a drawing class on the human form. It would help so much of the weird anatomy issues we see. Then again, you wouldn't have photoshop disasters, which has had me in stitches more times than I can count.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 3:16 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]

Anything that de-emphasizes the importance of interpersonal communication in human relationships is a net negative.

You know, I have to play devil's advocate here and say that there's nothing wrong, in theory, with creating a space wherein two people can admit they'd like to fuck each other and then letting both know that such an interest exists.

There's enough weirdness involved in people working around others' sexual proclivities as-is that sometimes, richer communication gets in the way of what people are actually looking for. The combination of awkwardness, anxiety, and fear of being seen as impolite or overstepping boundaries, has combined in some very sweet, wonderful, expressive friends of mine absolutely failing to get laid, sometimes with other awkward/anxious/scared people who are avoiding saying anything for the same reasons.

Wanting sex for the sake of wanting sex is not a net negative. It's not the whole of interpersonal communication, but indicating to somebody else that you're interested in them is still part of the whole shebang. This app isn't going about that in a foolproof way – like I said, the potential for trollage is immense – but given how fucked-up American mores about sexual desire are, anything that attempts to make sexual connection less frustrating is not wholly terrible.

Also, these guys' email for job applications is "[e-mail]", which amuses me to no end. Guess here's the thread where I publicly come out as a bro to all of MetaFilter.
posted by Rory Marinich at 11:08 PM on February 4

Guess here's the thread where I publicly come out as a bro to all of MetaFilter.

It's a safe space, man.
There's no judging here.
But there's no fist-bumping either.
posted by Mezentian at 1:28 AM on February 5

It's a safe space, man.
There's no judging here.
But there's no fist-bumping either.

I got excited because I thought this was a haiku, but then I counted the syllables and became a sad panda. I haiku'd that for you.

It's a safe space, man
There is no fist bumping here
No judging either
posted by DWRoelands at 10:50 AM on February 7

But that totally changes the meaning, emphasizing the proscription of fist bumping over the inclusive aspects of the safe space!

It's a safe space, man
There will be no judging here
But no fist bumps, please
posted by mrgrimm at 12:17 PM on February 7 [1 favorite]

My haiku is bad
A terrible secret this is
But my Teriyaki chicken is comforting like a winter's fireplace.
posted by Mezentian at 7:39 PM on February 7 [1 favorite]

LinkedIn pulls the plug on 'Bang With Professionals' site
posted by XMLicious at 6:40 PM on February 10

I like how that article refers to Bang With Friends as Bang Your Friends.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:29 PM on February 10