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Our mission is to end loneliness
February 5, 2013 1:19 PM   Subscribe

We set up drinks between two groups of friends: three guys and three girls (or three guys and three guys, etc.). The first step is applying for membership. Once you're accepted, you'll get your first invite to set up a Grouper and can finalize the two friends you'll bring along with you. We handle the rest: we match you with the other group, we pick the spot and set you up with a free drink. All you need to do is show up and have a good time.
posted by Terminal Verbosity (152 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
loneliness: i do not think this word means what these people think it means
posted by spicynuts at 1:21 PM on February 5, 2013 [20 favorites]


So all this time Matt could've been monetizing meetups? Dang!
posted by rtha at 1:24 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


If it means a free drink, then it means exactly what I think it means.
posted by Kitteh at 1:25 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Grouper makes it sound like a group sex app. That description isn't helping either.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:25 PM on February 5, 2013 [12 favorites]


To me, this sounds like a recipe for misery. I do not like enforced chumminess with strangers.
posted by Scientist at 1:25 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


I believe i see a flaw in their business model, who has two friends to bring?
posted by Ad hominem at 1:28 PM on February 5, 2013 [45 favorites]


Grouper makes it sound like a group sex app.

What can you do? Their first choice was "Bucket of Wingmen!" but that didn't test well witht he focus groups.
posted by cortex at 1:28 PM on February 5, 2013 [42 favorites]


I'd have done this with my girlfriends in a heartbeat back in the day. You may not meet the love of your life, but it's safe with your buds and you might meet some cool people. Plus, don't discount the fun of getting out of the house every now and again.

I love the idea of low stress meet-ups.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:28 PM on February 5, 2013 [6 favorites]


Good lord, the copy on their "About" page is possibly the most concentrated essence of bro I've ever seen. (Also, one of the founders "[d]rinks Macallans". A) Of *course* it's Macallan. B) Plural?)
posted by asterix at 1:28 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Grouper makes it sound like a group sex app fish.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:29 PM on February 5, 2013 [61 favorites]


If you happen to have three friends, then all four of you all lock yourselves in a room with a bear and whoever lives gets to go.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 1:29 PM on February 5, 2013 [19 favorites]


$20 per person seems steepish when you consider that meetup (and almost every other web2.0 service) is free, and one drink almost always cost less. And the genderedness of it is weird--if you want to do internet dating, there are better ways to do it.
posted by TypographicalError at 1:30 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


No relation to Grouper I assume?
posted by entropicamericana at 1:30 PM on February 5, 2013


Hey, there's nothing wrong with Macallan. And you drink one Macallan and you're like, dude, I want another Macallan, and then you're officially drinking Macallans. Just Macallans all night long.
posted by cortex at 1:31 PM on February 5, 2013 [11 favorites]


I was about to shout OMG HETERONORMATIVITYYYY but then I moused over the "3" in "3 guys & 3 girls" and it harshed my snark.
posted by Sokka shot first at 1:31 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


It appears to be yet another Facebook lure, as this is where you go if you click "apply."

I for one am mightily tired of Facebook's effort to suck in everybody. It's like a creepy person at a party who won't go away no matter how firmly they are told you don't want to know them.
posted by bearwife at 1:32 PM on February 5, 2013 [21 favorites]


Grouper is what you serve for dinner. Or tilapia. Or mahi mahi. Otherwise, it's a bad name for a semi-creepy idea. That being said, free booze is always a plus and 20 years ago I'd have gladly suffered some awkward conversation for a free cocktail.
posted by PuppyCat at 1:33 PM on February 5, 2013




Groper is a terrible name for a hook-up site!
posted by Skwirl at 1:38 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Their a'int no Internet Bubble this time around!
posted by ericb at 1:39 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


I was kind of sad when I saw that this is a dating app. I would have loved this for meeting people with an eye towards making friends. A service to help me and the 'Dude meet other couples for board games and the symphony would be nice.
posted by muddgirl at 1:39 PM on February 5, 2013 [18 favorites]




It's Macallans all the way down.
posted by helicomatic at 1:41 PM on February 5, 2013 [8 favorites]


A service to help me and the 'Dude meet other couples for board games and the symphony would be nice.

Yeah that's pretty much meetup.com.

meetup (and almost every other web2.0 service) is free

It's not free for organizers.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:41 PM on February 5, 2013


bearwife: It appears to be yet another Facebook lure, as this is where you go if you click "apply."

Don't be silly. Them saying "You can sign up using an app on Facebook" doesn't make them part of Facebook anymore than a tech service company saying you can Skype them for support makes them part of Skype.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:42 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can see this working, but I can also see the three talking to one another the whole time and awkwardly ignoring the other three (and vice-versa) making this the equivalent of pornography that advertises an "orgy" and then it's just two couples screwing six to eight feet from one another.
posted by A god with hooves, a god with horns at 1:42 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


Does he drink 10,12,18,25 or 30 year old.

I need more info so I can judge.

In NYC, where, no surprise, Groper is headquartered, Oban and Johnnie Walker Double Black seem to be in right now.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:45 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


No relation to Grouper I assume?

My first thought too. They don't even have Grouper.com?! Pick a better name then!

I for one am mightily tired of Facebook's effort to suck in everybody.

I think it's the other way around. This software/service is using a Facebook app b/c people are already signed up. Registration is one of the biggest barriers to entry online. FB takes that away.

Was your Monday night this fun?

Well, my four year-old seems to be in a difficult place right now, in many ways, but my 18-month-old is currently the cutest little DRUNK HULK ever made (SHOES! ... ON! ... YEEEEAH!) so ... yeah, my Monday night was that fun. And I probably felt a heck of a lot better at 7am this morning.

the most concentrated essence of bro I've ever seen.

What? No fake tans and one guy is wearing glasses .. NERDS!
posted by mrgrimm at 1:45 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you happen to have three friends, then all four of you all lock yourselves in a room with a bear and whoever lives gets to go.

That would explain why me and my friends keep getting paired up to get drinks with all these bears.
posted by FatherDagon at 1:45 PM on February 5, 2013 [11 favorites]


Didn't read the article so I'm assuming this is a web 2.0 way to fillet groupers. Just going to go ahead and push a grouper into my computer screen and see what happens.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:45 PM on February 5, 2013 [10 favorites]


I love the idea of low stress meet-ups.

To me, this is so far from low stress it's not even funny. I count myself lucky every day (or, really, every time I think about it which really isn't every day) that I met my husband when I was 20, thanks to mutual friends. Dating sounds horrific to me.
posted by cooker girl at 1:48 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


I would have loved this for meeting people with an eye towards making friends.

muddgirl, you probably want Grubwithus.
posted by asterix at 1:48 PM on February 5, 2013


The funniest part of this is at the bottom where it says "Now in Canada!"
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:51 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I did this. It was as awkward as you might imagine.
posted by the jam at 1:51 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


wassup peeps check my new app groper for like connecting skeezes and bros on the bus like when you want to touch a stranger it lets you know whose cool anyway looking for angels and VC hit me up
posted by klangklangston at 1:53 PM on February 5, 2013 [17 favorites]


Does he drink 10,12,18,25 or 30 year old.

Yes, but in reverse order.
posted by cortex at 1:54 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


Neither meetup.com nor Grubwithus have that blind datey element of "we'll tell you where to go so there's no social awkwardness about actually trying to make plans with strangers."
posted by muddgirl at 1:55 PM on February 5, 2013


That would explain why me and my friends keep getting paired up to get drinks with all these bears.

No, dude, it's the beard and flannel.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:55 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


Yes, but in reverse order.

Sounds about right, then end the night with a pony glass of Dekuyper Peppermint Schnapps.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:58 PM on February 5, 2013


Neither meetup.com nor Grubwithus have that blind datey element of "we'll tell you where to go so there's no social awkwardness about actually trying to make plans with strangers."

No? The Grubwithus listings I looked at all had exactly that; you could see date, time, location, and menu. Or are you talking about creating a meal rather than joining an already-planned one?
posted by asterix at 1:58 PM on February 5, 2013


Johnnie Walker Double Black

From Johnnie Walker's site: "Blended to break the rules, Double Black boasts an edgy confidence in flavor that separates it from its balanced relative, Johnnie Walker Black Label."

Okay, now I'm surprised the dude doesn't drink this instead of Macallan.
posted by asterix at 2:01 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


Man, these things always rely on you being sociable, outgoing, and capable of small talk. No thanks. I'll take my crippling anxiety any day so long as it means I have a good book to read.

We arrive at the bar, and to our delight, 3 cute girls stroll in soon after. We get all the small talk out of the way and the next thing we know, we’re drinking absinthe and crushing beers. My compadre and I ordered a drink called the devil’s milk, which tasted like an alcoholic’s version of a black licorice jelly bean. It may not have been the most delicious thing we’ve ever had but after five minutes of playing the “are you manly enough to drink this” game the mood loosened up and conversation began to flow freely.

God damn it, this wasn't the cyberpunk future we were promised at all.
posted by dubusadus at 2:01 PM on February 5, 2013 [33 favorites]


I'm a reasonably easygoing guy, but I found internet dating the fastest way possibly of meeting assholes. This service looks like it makes it easy to meet multiple assholes at once! Hurrah!
posted by The River Ivel at 2:04 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


So it's basically an internet version of the Japanese practice of gokon.
posted by modernnomad at 2:04 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


In NYC, where, no surprise, Groper is headquartered, Oban and Johnnie Walker Double Black seem to be in right now.

BTW -- there's an interesting article in the current issue of The New Yorker on Bruichladdich whisky:
LETTER FROM ISLAY: SPIRIT GUIDE -- Reinventing a great distillery.
posted by ericb at 2:05 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


I actually went on a Grouper date for real, about a year and a half ago. A friend of mine was solicited to sign up (allegedly out of nowhere), and he roped me and another friend into joining him. (For reference, the three of us are white collar males in our late 20s.)

We weren't expecting to fall in love, or to get laid, or anything else. Best case scenario, we'd have a laugh with some nice women, and that'd be that. Sure, initially we joked about which one of us would try to make the evening the most appalling, either by performing bad magic tricks, or showing up in a Frankenstein costume, or maybe doing a little set with a ventriloquist dummy. But, when date night arrived, we were all on our best behavior. Initially all six of us tried to be very engaging and involved, the way one would when meeting someone at a party, but inevitably the conversations drifted back to the two friends we showed up with. No one seemed very excited to be there, but neither did anyone seem particularly annoyed or irritated, so I guess I thought it went about as well as could be expected.

At the end of the night we all exchanged business cards, because that seemed like something adults would do. The next day I put their names into Facebook to see if any of us had any friends in common. Sure enough we did. I reached out to this mutual friend to see if the ladies had any thoughts on the evening, and his exact words were "They all more or less felt like it was one of the most depressing nights of their lives."
posted by incomple at 2:05 PM on February 5, 2013 [92 favorites]


It's actually not a bad business model. Grouper arranges the dates to be on weeknights in bars which are upscale but underutilized on those nights, and gets kickbacks from them (in addition to the nominal service charge from using their service).

As for the dates themselves, I've only done one, and it wasn't phenomenal, but definitely not bad either. I got asked to be one of the "wingmen." This involved setting up an account (sigh). We emailed each other beforehand to coordinate what to wear (since neither of us wanted to look overdressed or slobby), then worked out two signals we would use - the first being "I'm having fun with this woman, give me some space" and the second being "Dear god please save me from this conversation." We also made a plan to casually rotate our seating every once in a while by getting up for drinks, so that our two groups were spaced out evenly to minimize social awkwardness. Our dates turned out to be three very professional women who were as nervous as we were, and although we didn't click with each other romantically, it was a decent-enough time.

On the other hand, there was another grouper date at an alcove nearby us that looked like it was imploding horribly. Me and my friends paid them a visit after our own date was over, and the three women told us afterwards that all their dates did was brag about themselves and make bro-jokes with each other, not making much of an effort to get the women involved in the conversation. So, like all social events, I'd say your experience depends on a mixture of luck and planning.
posted by wolfdreams01 at 2:06 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


Okay, now I'm surprised the dude doesn't drink this instead of Macallan.

Nothing says "this shit is scotch" like peat, so Johnny Walker added peat so they can out-peat everyone else. It is for people who like to out drink each other on the basis of just how unpalatable what they drink can be.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:06 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


Neither meetup.com nor Grubwithus have that blind datey element of "we'll tell you where to go so there's no social awkwardness about actually trying to make plans with strangers."

Grubwithus does this. I've done it twice with a friend. They have a list of meals on their website with a per-person meal price. You choose an even tyou want to attend, and if a minimum number of others sign up for that event you're charged. You can see the profile of anyone else who has signed up. Then you just show up at the restaurant.

The two times I went it was fun. Not the best nights ever, but there were some cool people and the conversations were nice. I'd recommend it if you're looking to meet new people. There are groups you can join dedicated to certain things (vegetarians, singles, etc) so you can choose the vibe the meal will have. It's not specifically about dating like Grouper.
posted by Sangermaine at 2:08 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]




Why meet one douche when you can meet three!
posted by Damienmce at 2:10 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


God damn it, this wasn't the cyberpunk future we were promised at all.

It's bropunk. Like cyberpunk but everyone wears pink collared shirts instead of mirrored lenses and vinyl.
posted by dephlogisticated at 2:10 PM on February 5, 2013 [12 favorites]


I've been on a million online dates that didn't work. And now my best friend will have to witness this? Nein.

Man, these things always rely on you being sociable, outgoing, and capable of small talk. No thanks. I'll take my crippling anxiety any day so long as it means I have a good book to read.

You nailed it, dubusadus. If you're socially awkward (like me) and don't meet people by making shallow small talk in a bar (which is how all online dating, including speed-dating, works), then bringing two friends isn't going to help.

Perhaps they're mis-applying the rule that we women need to go to the ladies' room with friends, or something like that.
posted by Melismata at 2:10 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Serendipity is what makes life interesting and these services both promise and kill that.
posted by stbalbach at 2:12 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I need more info so I can judge.

That is not the MetaFilter way.
posted by webmutant at 2:12 PM on February 5, 2013 [23 favorites]


I can see now why my meetup service, "STFU I'm working on my violent revolutionary manifesto.com" never took off.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 2:13 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's from another thread, but it still fits

Metafilter: Misanthropic narcoleptic shut-ins.
posted by The Whelk at 2:15 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Nthing that this would be a lot more fun for actual making of non-romantic friends and not dates.
posted by immlass at 2:15 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


On the other hand, there was another grouper date at an alcove nearby us that looked like it was imploding horribly. Me and my friends paid them a visit..

That's cool, probably the best part of the evening, an unscripted serendipitous encounter that had some magic to it. You can't program magic into a computer.
posted by stbalbach at 2:15 PM on February 5, 2013


If you participate in Grouper meetups long enough, you will eventually come face-to-face with your future spouse and will be expected to kill that person immediately or bad things will happen. It's called "closing the group."
posted by perhapses at 2:22 PM on February 5, 2013 [40 favorites]


I want to start a service called MeetCute wherein people sign up, take a survey, are matched to a partner with a random number generator that wholly disregards the results of the survey, and then the MeetCute Action Team sets into play an elaborate series of events that result in the couple meeting each other in the most mutually charming circumstances possible. The thing is, they don't know when. It could be tomorrow, it could be next year. Not knowing is part of the fun.

This will cost $1M USD per person. Results not guaranteed.
posted by griphus at 2:23 PM on February 5, 2013 [26 favorites]


It's bropunk. Like cyberpunk but everyone wears pink collared shirts instead of mirrored lenses and vinyl.

Bropunk makes it almost sound all right, like some bro somewhere has finally thrown off his douchey, hyper-materialistic shackles for social justice and activism. Cyberbro, on the other hand, thinks reddit is the cat's pajamas, watches Netflix all day, is too good at Madden/Kings, and secretly longs to be loved but really just doesn't want to have to deal being made fun of by his somewhat more normative bros all day long for being a shut-in.
posted by dubusadus at 2:23 PM on February 5, 2013 [12 favorites]


I'm getting nervous just contemplating what this would be like. It's so much more natural to get drinks with friends at a bar and just naturally strike up conversations with other groups of friends if you feel like it. No obligations, say goodbye in 2 minutes if you like, move on to other more interesting/attractive folks, and you're already intoxicated so the buildup isn't so painful and forced. This is a solution in need of a problem; just go out with buddies who don't mind getting sauced and talking to strangers.
posted by naju at 2:23 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


This will cost $1M USD per person. Results not guaranteed.

And of course romance blooms between one employees of this service, but, oh no they already know the tricks they use on their customers, how will too master MeetCuters MeetCute?

Best romantic comedy idea ever or BESTEST romantic comedy idea?
posted by The Whelk at 2:25 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


Cyberbro, on the other hand, thinks reddit is the cat's pajamas, watches Netflix all day, and secretly longs to be loved but really just doesn't want to have to deal being made fun of by his somewhat more normative bros all day long for being a shut-in.

How the fuck...
posted by Ad hominem at 2:26 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


...how will too master MeetCuters MeetCute?

This only works if the results of their plotting is what sends into motion the events of The Game starring Michael Douglas.
posted by griphus at 2:26 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


The sky was the color of a bottle of AXE Body Spray.
posted by dephlogisticated at 2:27 PM on February 5, 2013 [49 favorites]


"Well, this is our last computer date."
"Stop. A computer matched them with them? I don't think so."
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 2:29 PM on February 5, 2013 [10 favorites]


Best romantic comedy idea ever or BESTEST romantic comedy idea?

It's like someone did that "R.E.M. in a major key" thing to that Michael Douglas movie, "The Game".
posted by cortex at 2:33 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


If I already have two friends to bring to a Grouper event, why am I signing up to attend a Grouper event? And then you have to pay? But you get a "free" drink?

I'd rather just invite my two friends over and pick up a six pack or a couple bottles of wine. Are we going to meet the loves of our lives? No, but we weren't going to with Grouper, anyway.
posted by Sara C. at 2:34 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


BTW -- there's an interesting article in the current issue of The New Yorker on Bruichladdich whisky:

Thank you, ericb! I really like Bruichladdich, and had no idea that their recent rise coincided so neatly with the timeline of my own exploration of scotch. I've mentioned their Port Charlotte series here a number of times.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:41 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm going to sign up and then not bring any wingmen. I'm going in solo. This service is awesome. I hope the three ladies are as excited as I am!
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 2:42 PM on February 5, 2013 [36 favorites]


You know this service reminds me of a much cheaper and casual version of Table for Six.

Nthing that this would be a lot more fun for actual making of non-romantic friends and not dates.

Yeah, I had a random social media idea similar where someone (unknown) would set a time to meet at a restaurant on the app and whoever showed up at that time, they would all just go and share a table for lunch or dinner. The wait staff would only know about the table is being reserved under the service's name and to split the check at the end.

Then I started imagining the awkwardness of it all and tried to throw the idea into the memory hole.
posted by FJT at 2:43 PM on February 5, 2013


I would embrace some of the features of this site, if available: either make it a place to meet other people to have activities only possible in/more fun in a group, like playing board games or going on a sightseeing tour (leveraging the grouping feature), or make it a self-initiated "am I hot or not" by seeing who they pair you up with, taking a good, hard look at them, and then taking a good, hard look at yourself.
posted by davejay at 2:43 PM on February 5, 2013


actually, I take that first one back: playing a board game with people I don't know and probably won't like sounds like the worst thing ever now that I consider it
posted by davejay at 2:45 PM on February 5, 2013


On review of that "Table for Six" link: "compatible, single professionals" is a phrase I am incapable of interpreting as anything other than "white people with white-collar jobs."
posted by davejay at 2:46 PM on February 5, 2013 [8 favorites]


Yeah, the stock photos on the front page definitely don't help either.
posted by FJT at 2:47 PM on February 5, 2013


I would pay $20 to hang out with a grouper in a bar, those things are hilarious, look at his lips.
posted by nathancaswell at 2:49 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


You cant fool me...Those aren't real people!
I've seen enough people to know they don’t act like that.
...and their pupils are white.
posted by quazichimp at 2:52 PM on February 5, 2013


So all this time Matt could've been monetizing meetups? Dang!

Dude, if Matt's going to do that I'm just going to start organizing meetups off-site. Nobody's going to make money off my drinking.
posted by madcaptenor at 2:52 PM on February 5, 2013


I've mentioned their Port Charlotte series here a number of times.

Oh man, we had a bottle of PC6 at the Scotch meetup. So good.
posted by asterix at 2:55 PM on February 5, 2013


I'm going to sign up and then not bring any wingmen. I'm going in solo. This service is awesome. I hope the three ladies are as excited as I am!

Dang, they won't let you show up solo. Luckily, my uncle is a butcher and I have access to his walk in freezer, some wigs, a hot glue gun, and a passion for ventriloquism.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:56 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nobody's going to make money off my drinking.

I'll bring the paint thinner I found behind the shed.
posted by FJT at 2:58 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


my uncle is a butcher and I have access to his walk in freezer, some wigs, a hot glue gun, and a passion for ventriloquism

creepr
posted by nathancaswell at 3:01 PM on February 5, 2013


Don't be silly. Them saying "You can sign up using an app on Facebook" doesn't make them part of Facebook

I don't think I'm silly for noting there is no other way to sign up than to use Facebook username and password -- i.e., to belong to Facebook.
posted by bearwife at 3:02 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


Meetup At Bernie's
posted by cortex at 3:02 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


A date with the Grouper lady and her friends would surely be interesting.
posted by palbo at 3:05 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


If that's where we all meet up to do the Bernie Dance, I'm in.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 3:06 PM on February 5, 2013


Add in an isolated booth with a video camera where individual participants periodically talk about the date in progress, superimpose some stupid commentary in cartoony speech bubbles, and you've got late-night reality show gold.
posted by rocket88 at 3:06 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


sign up than to use Facebook username and password

Hey, wait. Isn't the whole rollout of graph search thing going to kill their service? I mean, Any bozo can just search for "single 20s around me who like Two Door Cinema Club and Glee"?
posted by FJT at 3:08 PM on February 5, 2013


J-Dog was tending bar, one hand texting Ashley from Chi Omega while the other absently filled red Solo cups with watered-down Macallan. Dylan entered the room and suddenly both of them were bellowing at the top of their lungs, hooting incoherently.

"FUCK YEAH, Dylan's here!" he said, slapping a firm hand on the back of Dylan's J. Crew polo.

"No doubt. What up, homo?"

Two years ago, Dylan had been the best beer pong player anyone at UVA had ever seen. Now he was a pale husk of that legend, a walking shadow of the dream he once embodied. Even his tats now seemed faded. But J-Dog could see none of it.

The sound of Incubus blared from oversized speakers as bros and sorostitutes drifted through the open doorway. In the corner of the room, a small white ball was bouncing across the table, each quiet THOCK jolting through Dylan's body like an electric spark shooting up from his Sperry topsiders all the way to his frosted tips. He felt the restless energy twisting like a spring inside of him, the sweat starting to gather across his forehead.

The ball was calling to him again.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:11 PM on February 5, 2013 [35 favorites]


Didn't read the article so I'm assuming this is a web 2.0 way to fillet groupers. Just going to go ahead and push a grouper into my computer screen and see what happens.
posted by Greg Nog at 3:45 PM on February 5


Is anybody but me waiting anxiously to hear back from Greg Nog on this?
posted by escabeche at 3:12 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Hey, wait. Isn't the whole rollout of graph search thing going to kill their service? I mean, Any bozo can just search for "single 20s around me who like Two Door Cinema Club and Glee"?

Well, by that token, any bozo can walk into a bar and go "Hi! What's goin' on with you guys?" to a random group of people. I've done it on occasion and it's super fun because it feels like you're living a nightmare of some kind.
posted by Greg Nog at 3:12 PM on February 5, 2013 [42 favorites]


By the way, can we at least all be grateful they didn't call this Groupr?
posted by escabeche at 3:12 PM on February 5, 2013 [8 favorites]


(GROUPER UPDATE: the fish was not amused)
posted by Greg Nog at 3:12 PM on February 5, 2013 [8 favorites]


I can't really jump into the fray until later, but despite the snark-worthiness of this site (especially those pictures of previous happy customers, who look like terrible d-bags and the company didn't even bother to use red eye filter on), it does present a good alternative to online dating as it exists now. Online dating is broken and in dire need for innovation.
posted by Apocryphon at 3:17 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


The ball was calling to him again.

You ever get thrown out of a bar because one of your drinking buddies got into a fist fight over a game of beer pong? Yeah, sometimes you reach a point in your drinking career when you drink with whoever will keep drinking with you.

I'm also glad that beer pong in bars fad is over, drinking a flat beer with a ball that spent half the night rolling across a bar floor floating in it is disgusting.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:18 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


one of the founders "[d]rinks Macallans". A) Of *course* it's Macallan. B) Plural?

Hey, man, don't be hatin'. He's not only a Yale dropout, he's also a Yale grad!

Is that supposed to make him seem both cool and smart? Because, I don't think you really count as a dropout if you went back later and finished your degree.
posted by asnider at 3:18 PM on February 5, 2013


Bring your Group on* a Grouper and your Gang of 6** will be living social*** in a real Kettle of Fish!****

* Not affiliated with Groupon
** Kent Conrad will chaperone all dates
*** Not affiliated with LivingSocial
*** Not affiliated with Kettle of Fish
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 3:23 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Where's the Gang Of Four?

We had plans to get drunk on cheap wine.
posted by The Whelk at 3:25 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


asterix: "Good lord, the copy on their "About" page is possibly the most concentrated essence of bro I've ever seen. (Also, one of the founders "[d]rinks Macallans". A) Of *course* it's Macallan. B) Plural?)"

Macallan is a good starter scotch. I'm not sure you want to stay there, but hey, it's still OK.
posted by boo_radley at 3:28 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, one of the founders "[d]rinks Macallans"

mmmmmm...yummy E150.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:30 PM on February 5, 2013


Where's the Gang Of Four?

I've found that essence to be rare.
posted by LionIndex at 3:31 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Macallan 18, or GTFO. And yes - I'm refering to both the age and number of drinks. Because The Macallan 18 is much, much better than friends. Yes, it is.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:33 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm a polygamist, is there a 1 to 3 option I can opt for?
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 3:34 PM on February 5, 2013


Is there a word for the pleasure derived from snarking on misbegotten startup ideas and actual real-live startups like this one? Schadenstartupfreuden or something like that?

I do this all the time and I love it.
posted by Aizkolari at 3:39 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Schadenstartupfreudn"
posted by boo_radley at 3:43 PM on February 5, 2013


It's like every idea I had in 2004 for hooking gay men up for casual sex is showing up in a slightly different form as a service for romance for all. Progress? I'm not quite sure.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:45 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


If you have a problem with someone else's choice of scotch (or think that "starter scotch" is an actual thing), you're probably drinking scotch for the wrong reasons.
posted by rocket88 at 3:48 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Schadenstartupfreudian
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:51 PM on February 5, 2013


I'm sorry. I didn't want to say "cheap scotch" as it tends to offend.
posted by boo_radley at 4:05 PM on February 5, 2013


If you have a problem with someone else's choice of scotch (or think that "starter scotch" is an actual thing), you're probably drinking scotch for the wrong reasons.

Well, most people don't have a palette that's developed enough for the truest form Scotch drinking.

It's usually a little intimidating for people because it's so expensive, but mainly because it's so dangerous and you really need to train up and equip for it.

Running down an armed, drunken, unwashed wild Scotsman across the smokey bogs for days and miles on end and then wringing the booze out of him into a small glass is very physically challenging and hazardous.
posted by loquacious at 4:06 PM on February 5, 2013 [14 favorites]


Where's the Gang Of Four?
What we all want /cheeseburger
posted by unliteral at 4:08 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


From the pics, grouper is not for black people.
posted by pallen123 at 4:10 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


What kind of startup name is Grouper? Shouldn't that be Groupr or Gru-pur or Grüpr? I can't find the hidden "G" in the logo, either.
posted by ceribus peribus at 4:16 PM on February 5, 2013


Love is like a case of snacks
And that's something I do want to catch
posted by klangklangston at 4:17 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


Granfaloonrtm
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:17 PM on February 5, 2013 [9 favorites]


Yeah, I had a random social media idea similar where someone (unknown) would set a time to meet at a restaurant on the app and whoever showed up at that time, they would all just go and share a table for lunch or dinner.
I originally misread this as
someone (unknown) would set fire to a restaurant on the app
and immediately thought I WOULD SO JOIN UP FOR THAT.

Now I'm slightly disappointed.
posted by scrump at 4:25 PM on February 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


If you're socially awkward (like me) and don't meet people by making shallow small talk in a bar (which is how all online dating, including speed-dating, works), then bringing two friends isn't going to help.

I think it would help, for many people at least - it means that some outgoing people are present to get a table conversation going and keep it fed with the necessary smalltalk, and you can hang back until there is some substance you can engage with, then splinter-conversations if/when people click on a topic, and if those conversations later die off, no awkwardness or silences - attention just naturally moves back to the other conversation.

At least, that's how it goes in my imagination :)
posted by anonymisc at 4:29 PM on February 5, 2013


wow, even their software development faq is full of devbrospeak:

Glad you asked. We're tackling the hard and largely uncharted terrain of the online-offline divide: logistics optimizations, matching algorithms, a real-time CRM we built from scratch, never-before-attempted feats on mobile, and much more. Scaling a website to a billion impressions a month is boring at this point (we've been there), but solving these problems is not.
posted by sammyo at 4:30 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


I had a random social media idea similar where someone (unknown) would set a time to meet at a restaurant on the app and whoever showed up at that time, they would all just go and share a table for lunch or dinner.

I once organized such an event by accident.

I organized a dim sum brunch via a Facebook event several years ago, and accidentally posted it was a public event instead of a private one. Some dude came over to our table and asked if we were the people who meet up for brunch.

Only later did I realize that we were, in fact, the people that this guy was coming to meet.
posted by asnider at 4:36 PM on February 5, 2013


If you have a problem with someone else's choice of scotch (or think that "starter scotch" is an actual thing), you're probably drinking scotch for the wrong reasons.

This is also known as the "True Scotch, Man" fallacy.
posted by zamboni at 4:41 PM on February 5, 2013 [17 favorites]


When I'm criticizing someone else's choice of scotch it's usually out of a kind of desperate, bitter compensation for the fact that I'm not drinking any scotch at all at the time.
posted by cortex at 4:45 PM on February 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


hey if there's any scotch anyone doesn't want or doesn't like I'll take it off your hands no problem

it'll be tough, drinking all that terrible, terrible scotch but I'll soldier through, don't worry about me.
posted by zennish at 4:52 PM on February 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


They say they like epic stories, so why not run their existing stories through a Markov Chain generator to generate random bro-etry?
Since we adopted the usual beer or to leave probably the table;
or to rendezvous with the night
to the two truths and the shot same emotions
clearly written across their the microphone
and to being the devil s
not the next thing we noticed the table and trying all sitting ordered
a small talk out of us still needed to win a the plan for you know we
were conversation began to light your heads through our Groupergram,
night going on fire:
one of the girls stroll in college.
When the night to the shot.

posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:02 PM on February 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


The sound of Incubus blared from oversized speakers as bros and sorostitutes drifted through the open doorway. In the corner of the room, a small white ball was bouncing across the table, each quiet THOCK jolting through Dylan's body like an electric spark shooting up from his Sperry topsiders all the way to his frosted tips. He felt the restless energy twisting like a spring inside of him, the sweat starting to gather across his forehead.

The ball was calling to him again.


I'm intrigued.
Do you have a newsletter I could subscribe to?
posted by ApathyGirl at 5:15 PM on February 5, 2013


a real-time CRM we built from scratch
I am stupider for having read this and it annoys me out of all proportion to, well, every other part of this moronic idea.

"CRM" is the acronym for "Customer Relationship Management". Maybe I'm not up on my fashionobrol jargon, but last time I checked, they were "CRM systems".

Or maybro they're confusing CRM with CMS, or maybe I'm just TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT KILL THEM WITH FIRE ARGHGALGHDGJLKNB:SG
posted by scrump at 5:17 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've learned a couple things by moving frequently, including get sociable flatmates and get a social hobby.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:28 PM on February 5, 2013


Kent Conrad will chaperone all dates

I'd pay for that.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 5:30 PM on February 5, 2013


Grouper makes it sound like a group sex app fish musical act.

Seriously, I feel like I was just reading a thread where someone referenced the musical act Grouper.
posted by limeonaire at 5:37 PM on February 5, 2013


God damn it, this wasn't the cyberpunk future we were promised at all.

The bro lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, flailing its arms trying to find itself a mate. But it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:37 PM on February 5, 2013 [11 favorites]


Why aren't I helping? Because it's a bro, dude. Why would I help?
posted by jacalata at 5:49 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


My bromer? Let me tell you about my bromer!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:50 PM on February 5, 2013


If I ever get my startup off the ground, I'll one-up all of these fools with their stupid bios and drink selections, which sound ridiculously pretentious.

"qcubed Lord & Savior
Went to a big fancy school. Never been to a rodeo. From Atlanta, lives in Chicago, is nice I guess. Drinks."
posted by qcubed at 5:54 PM on February 5, 2013


In Silicon Valley (or Chicago, New York, wherever) anyone with a dumb idea can form a startup that fails.
posted by Existential Dread at 6:08 PM on February 5, 2013


I feel like I was just reading a thread where someone referenced the musical act Grouper.

Maybe that was Flipper?
posted by octobersurprise at 6:16 PM on February 5, 2013


Trooper?
posted by Flashman at 6:41 PM on February 5, 2013


the two truths and the shot
same emotions


This belongs somewhere pretentious.
posted by ellF at 7:08 PM on February 5, 2013


Flashman, were you looking for this version?
posted by maudlin at 7:46 PM on February 5, 2013


So what if I, a dude, and two female friends want to meet a woman and two dudes? Is that possible? Or is it ruled out because then it would be too obvious who was "for" whom?
posted by kenko at 7:47 PM on February 5, 2013


It's so much more natural to get drinks with friends at a bar and just naturally strike up conversations with other groups of friends if you feel like it. No obligations, say goodbye in 2 minutes if you like, move on to other more interesting/attractive folks, and you're already intoxicated so the buildup isn't so painful and forced. This is a solution in need of a problem; just go out with buddies who don't mind getting sauced and talking to strangers.

This was how I dated in my early 20s in Boston. In my 30s in NYC this is WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD apparently. So.
posted by sweetkid at 8:07 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


There should be a dating service where couples can post profiles of themselves and their lone single friends for other couples with lone single friends to find both other couples to do things with and hook their last single friend up.

Call it SixWheelin' or some thing like that.

Why yes, I am the last single person in my circle of friends, how did you know? /grumble
posted by ApathyGirl at 8:18 PM on February 5, 2013 [10 favorites]


bros and sorostitutes

Thank you. I've always wondered what the girl equivalent to a bro was called.
posted by davejay at 8:35 PM on February 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.
posted by Violet Hour at 8:43 PM on February 5, 2013 [6 favorites]


The bro lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun,

GTL, brah.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:56 AM on February 6, 2013


I was wondering when someone would monetise the great British tradition of going to a bar, getting drunk and waking up in bed with your friend's friend.
posted by mippy at 6:18 AM on February 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone
is it though
posted by MangyCarface at 6:36 AM on February 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


I can see now why my meetup service, "STFU I'm working on my violent revolutionary manifesto.com" never took off.

If the service launched in Oakland, CA and worked outward from there, the might get some wind in their sails.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 7:34 AM on February 6, 2013


They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone
...
is it though


It's worth noting that that song was written in an era before you could get blasted on Ouzo while downloading torrents of the new Ninja Turtles cartoon and checking mefi on your phone.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:01 AM on February 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


How to fight loneliness: Just smile all the time.
posted by entropicamericana at 8:22 AM on February 6, 2013


Shine your teeth till meaningless, with Colgate Brostrips.
posted by cortex at 8:37 AM on February 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


BTW -- there's an interesting article in the current issue of The New Yorker on Bruichladdich whisky:

Previously.
posted by homunculus at 3:59 PM on February 20, 2013


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