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I did not have sexual relations with that solar panel
February 8, 2013 6:18 AM   Subscribe

Secretary of Energy Steven Chu has refused to confirm that the reason for his resignation is a compromising photo recently published online. Posting on his personal Facebook page, he states: "I just want everyone to know that my decision not to serve a second term as Energy Secretary has absolutely nothing to do with the allegations... I’m not going to confirm or deny the charges..."
posted by 445supermag (33 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
What a dirty dirty boy.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:27 AM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sexual relations with a solar panel, how does that even happen? Solar panels are too rigid and angular, I don't even understand how that is accomplished. It's not like they are soft and malleable like biomass or nuclear!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:31 AM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Solar panels are too rigid and angular

Have you seen Steven Chu?
posted by rocketpup at 6:33 AM on February 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


how does that even happen?
Don't be so energy-sexual normative.
posted by 445supermag at 6:34 AM on February 8, 2013 [22 favorites]


Difference between the two parties: THIS.

A Republican would have actually had relations with an inanimate object and would now be making an appearance with a stoic, puffy-eyed spouse in the background.
posted by Fezboy! at 6:34 AM on February 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


A Republican would have actually had relations with an inanimate object

You should know that when they are talking about sucking wood in a bathroom it is a metaphor.
posted by jaduncan at 6:40 AM on February 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


brilliant!
posted by ruelle at 6:41 AM on February 8, 2013


As a fellow U of R grad, I'm glad to see at least one of has gone on to . . . well, to have sex.
posted by yerfatma at 6:42 AM on February 8, 2013 [23 favorites]


Also, the republicans would only be apologising because they would be expected to be having sex with coal and oil, maybe corn ethanol if they're kinky.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:42 AM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Delightful.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:49 AM on February 8, 2013


A Republican would have actually had relations with an inanimate object and would now be making an appearance with a stoic, puffy-eyed spouse in the background.

Also, that Republican would have a track record of vehement opposition to sex with inanimate objects.
posted by brain_drain at 6:52 AM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, that Republican would have a track record of vehement opposition to sex with inanimate objects.

Yeah, no surprise here. I mean, I feel sorry for his wife, but it's been obvious for a while that he's been interested in pursuing an alternate energy lifestyle.
posted by 445supermag at 6:56 AM on February 8, 2013 [12 favorites]


What a dirty dirty boy.

But his energy is clean!
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:02 AM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is a bipartisan phenomenon. There are former governors of NY and NJ who might have been governors for life had they cheated with an alt-power source.

The Democrat would have cheated with a Prius whom he had hired as an intern or staffer. The Republican would have cheated with a Tesla, after years of "vehement opposition" to Teslas, denying Teslas govt assistance.
posted by drowsy at 7:03 AM on February 8, 2013


You guys have pretty clever politicos. Conservative as shit, with their "we have the right to drone attack anyone, anywhere", but clever.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:04 AM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


There were also rumors of him using the hand drier in airport bathrooms.
posted by mosk at 7:05 AM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Republican would have cheated with a Tesla.

The Republican would have cheated with a Volt, and would have had it drive him home afterwards.
posted by mosk at 7:09 AM on February 8, 2013


energy-sexual

We in the energy of choice community prefer not to use the right-wing phraseology for our lifestyles. While it is true that much of my time is taken up with normative petro-sexual issues, and that my own interests lie in the fields of phtyo-sexuality (ooh baby!), I fully support my photo-sexual sisters and brothers, even those "in transition".
posted by bonehead at 7:14 AM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


There were also rumors of him using the hand drier in airport bathrooms.

"Using."
posted by cthuljew at 7:14 AM on February 8, 2013


maybe corn ethanol if they're kinky.

All I can imagine is the burning! Owww owww owww owww....
posted by WinnipegDragon at 7:16 AM on February 8, 2013


Also, that Republican would have a track record of vehement opposition to sex with inanimate objects.

Aren't they mostly in favor of fracking?
posted by fuse theorem at 7:22 AM on February 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Republican would have cheated with a Tesla.

The Republican would have cheated with a Volt,


Anything with a tailpipe.
posted by biffa at 7:25 AM on February 8, 2013


Anything with a tailpipe.

As the American people are all too aware of.
posted by HuronBob at 7:50 AM on February 8, 2013


I am out of favourites.
Flagged at fantastic.
Erotic.
Put your hands all over my...

Wait... I'm typing...
Nothing to see here.
posted by Mezentian at 8:11 AM on February 8, 2013


Solar panels are too rigid and angular

And if they were a gas, they'd be inert.
posted by kenko at 8:12 AM on February 8, 2013


inert? I barely knowert!
posted by boo_radley at 8:45 AM on February 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Chu?
I can hardly thwallow!
posted by Smedleyman at 9:28 AM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


You guys have pretty clever politicos. Conservative as shit, with their "we have the right to drone attack anyone, anywhere", but clever.

That's not really who Chu is. The man's an utter geek who became Secretary of Energy.
posted by jaduncan at 9:40 AM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Great. I've got some panels over my head at night and now I'm going to have to worry about them sneaking their lovers up there.
posted by msbutah at 10:12 AM on February 8, 2013


Trying to think of a "passive" solar joke before anyone else.
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:24 AM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am electric - feel my attraction.
Feel my magnetism - you will agree
I am electric - I have the contact.
I am electric - the future is me.
AC/DC it's okay by me.
I can switch and change my frequency.
I am electric - mind how you touch me.

Electra - Starlight Express
posted by IncognitoErgoSum at 1:12 PM on February 8, 2013


I did not think I could like Steven Chu any more than I already do, but this is fantastic.
posted by maryr at 1:12 PM on February 8, 2013


After being caught in this compromised position, a chastised Chu replied, "Gotta admit, indium gallium phosphide is pretty hard to resist."
posted by Twang at 3:24 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


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