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Shhhh.
February 12, 2013 3:36 PM   Subscribe

For people who think the small talk is the best part of getting a haircut.
posted by The corpse in the library (51 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
Creepy....
posted by HuronBob at 3:44 PM on February 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


see also
posted by juv3nal at 3:44 PM on February 12, 2013


Wow. This is just straight-up ASMR pornography (asmography? pornasmory?) I'll admit to have looked up stuff that sets it off by pure chance, but I didn't think there were people explicitly making things to trigger it.
posted by griphus at 3:46 PM on February 12, 2013 [5 favorites]


Once and only once, I cut a gentleman's hair against his will. Believe me when I say it was both difficult and impossible.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:46 PM on February 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


Previously.
posted by griphus at 3:47 PM on February 12, 2013


This is just straight-up ASMR pornography (asmography?) I'll admit to have looked up stuff that sets it off by pure chance, but I didn't think there were people explicitly making things to trigger it.

Oh yeah. People who enjoy this video will probably enjoy my favorite example of the genre: Origami show-n-tell. I can't even watch it right now because it'll put me to blissful sleep in 3 minutes.
posted by lalex at 3:49 PM on February 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


This seems like a less than ideal framing.
posted by Apropos of Something at 3:49 PM on February 12, 2013


No way, I was just now trying to explain asmr to a fellow mefite. Griphus - there are myriad youtube channels dedicated specifically to triggering it...can't link from phone but give it a search. Be warned, it's crack-level addictive.
posted by freya_lamb at 3:50 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh god I was not able to watch that. Made me so uncomfortable.
posted by Evernix at 4:05 PM on February 12, 2013 [11 favorites]


One of the common triggers to ASMR, according the Wikipedia link, is exposure to slow, accented, or unique speech patterns. I had my most vivid experience of ASMR when I lived in California back in the late 1980s and was talking to a group of young German women. One them was tall with a great afro, and when she started talking to me, I could barely remain standing because I was so tingly. And it wasn't a sexual attraction thing. I just wanted to listen to her talk for the rest of my life.
posted by perhapses at 4:12 PM on February 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh god, a hairdresser that does not ask me about my personal life or talk me into a blowout against my will.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 4:22 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


David Mitchell Weighs in.
posted by poe at 4:23 PM on February 12, 2013


I sense that the whispering trigger might be related to memories of maternal attachment and cuddling up close. I find these days when I have an episode of ASMR, my milk tends to let down, which says to me that this must have something to do with the release of oxytocin.
posted by sunshinesky at 4:31 PM on February 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


whisporn?
posted by orme at 4:41 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


ha! I discovered this chick's channel last week, and have been listening to her videos nightly as I fall asleep. I don't get the asmr response that lots of people do, it's just that these things are like drinking a concentrated double shot of chamomile tea and it knocks me out immediately.

Highly recommended for people who have trouble falling asleep because their brains won't shut up.

My favorite (but only if I'm actually watching, because the content is visually interesting) is Sound Sculptures.
posted by phunniemee at 4:43 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


small talk is never the best part of anything
posted by nathancaswell at 4:49 PM on February 12, 2013 [11 favorites]


Oh Jesus Christ and all his Saints, what fresh Hell is this? I thought from "For people who think the small talk is the best part of getting a haircut. " that this was maybe going to be a video of funny jokes barbers tell, or something like that. BUT NO IT IS A TORTURE VIDEO HAIRCUT SIMULATION. TRIGGER ALERT TO PEOPLE LIKE ME! A stranger's face up close. The "snip snip snip" of SHEARS so close to the eyes and ears. The blasting schpritz from the water bottle. Thank God and Christ this doesn't simulate the tactile sensation of someone shampooing my hair or I'd have thrown my goddamn laptop across the room.

Seriously, all this "person up near my head being all chatty with sharp things and water" stuff is why I shave my own head.
posted by Cookiebastard at 4:57 PM on February 12, 2013 [8 favorites]


Does anyone have, like, a super-powered ASMR video? It sounds so cool and I would love to experience it, but none of the supposed triggers ever do anything except make me feel normal-style relaxed. I WANT TO BELIEVE
posted by threeants at 5:08 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Being locked in like this and unable to escape kind of reminds me of the torture scene in Audition.
posted by nathancaswell at 5:14 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


I get ASMR from *some* "detailed personal attention," but never from a video. This did nothing for me. On the other hand, when an associate at Bloomingdale Home demonstrates care in wrapping my purchases? Floods of endorphines.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 5:20 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


When I was in university I dated a girl who had a true fetish for cutting hair. Gorgeous, sexual girl who truly loved to fuck while cutting hair. Believe me when I tell you that it's even harder than it sounds.

Strangers at school must have wondered what was up with the idiot with a different and horrible haircut every day but with a ridiculous grin on his face.
posted by dobbs at 5:22 PM on February 12, 2013 [11 favorites]


Whoa! I never realized ASMR is a thing. A good feeling no one can explain?

As the neuroscientist Steven Novella wrote in March, “It’s similar to migraine headaches—we know they exist as a syndrome primarily because many different people report the same constellation of symptoms and natural history.” ASMR could fit into that same category as homicidal rages, hypnosis, and religious fevers that cause people to speak in tongues—exceptional mental states that seem like bullshit unless you experience them, but are unquestionably “real.”

I enjoy having my hair cut or brushed, but I hate having to keep my eyes open and make conversation--that makes haircuts a real drag.

I'd love to experience ASMR. Unfortunately, the whisper thing is just annoying, and the rest of the noises are ... just noises.
* long sigh* (hey, don't be getting off on that!)

This phenom is also called Attention Induced Head Orgasm--and that sounds like a really, really, creepy thing.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:23 PM on February 12, 2013


Is this the thing were you feel all warm and fuzzy for no reason? Like at the opticians when they keep swapping the lenses and saying 'Better with, without or just about the same'.
That said you could just start listening to Brian Eno. Less creepy.
posted by Damienmce at 5:31 PM on February 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


1... or 2? 3... or 4?
posted by nathancaswell at 5:35 PM on February 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


I didn't know about this ASMR thing and found this post bewildering. Big thanks to griphus and others who actually identified what this is supposed to be about. (I am grateful that being muttered at by receptionists doesn't turn me on or make my head sparkle or whatever.)
posted by gingerest at 5:44 PM on February 12, 2013


I was expecting this 3D haircut (headphones required) which I really enjoyed. I don't know if it falls in the ASMR category, but the binaural/3D aspect is fun. The implementation seems a little silly but I found the effect, if you close your eyes, to be pretty compelling.
posted by funkiwan at 5:47 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


OH AND JUST SHUT UP ABOUT OPTICIANS!
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:52 PM on February 12, 2013


Sorry. Trigger. That puff-of-air-in-the-eye thing. Sorry.
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:53 PM on February 12, 2013


If you're an ASMR junkie, or want to become one, Reddit's ASMR board is a great place to start. My favorite is ASMRAurette, whose "Stuff whisperers say" video hit the nail pretty square. Personally, it's rare for a video to trigger me. But they're generally good for helping me drift off to sleep.
posted by schoolgirl report at 5:58 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


This isn't doing much for me besides mildly creeping me out....I am one of those who thinks small talk is the worst part of the haircut....but this ASMR thing reminds me of when I was reading a compendium of the original Grimm fairy tales for a college paper on changelings.

Do you know how often nit-picking, literal nit-picking, the careful combing through of the hair to remove lice and their eggs --- comes up in the original Grimm fairy tales? It comes up a lot. Like, no, really, a lot. Ever tale which features one character drifting off to sleep in the presence of another, there was usually a nit-picking session which precipitated. "And he laid his head down in the princess' lap and she began...."
posted by Diablevert at 6:29 PM on February 12, 2013


I sometimes get ASMR just from reading, because I "hear" the character's voices.
In retrospect this has a number of implications about my childhood reading habits.

Mr. Ollivander, for instance? best voice ever.
posted by tooloudinhere at 6:45 PM on February 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


Whoa, I think I just got ASMR for the first time ever by looking at that subreddit and listening to the sound of my keyboard and mouse. Super meta!
posted by en forme de poire at 7:22 PM on February 12, 2013


"For people who think the small talk is the best part of getting a haircut. "
The best part is the storytellin'

posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:27 PM on February 12, 2013


You know what's better than whispering to get you relaxed during a haircut? The free shot of bourbon followed by a full scalp and neck message.

/mybarberisbestbarber.
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 PM on February 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


Can anyone speculate on what the YouTube posters get out of recording these ASMR sessions?
posted by porpoise at 8:40 PM on February 12, 2013


The free shot of bourbon followed by a full scalp and neck message.

My stylist and I get stoned beforehand. Talk about a multi-sensory experience.
posted by mykescipark at 9:00 PM on February 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


Cookiebastard: Sorry. Trigger. That puff-of-air-in-the-eye thing. Sorry.

I always feel the need to apologize profusely to my optometrist because I freak out whenever people get anything near my eyes. He knows me well enough now that he starts warning me about the glaucoma puff test long before he gets the machine out. Good thing I am more scared of undetected glaucoma than the air puff machine or I would refuse to let him do it.

I am one of those people who can swear that this ASMR thing is real, but damned if it's going to happen while I'm at the optometrist's office! Eurgh.

Now, the video in the link--that is definitely soothing!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:08 PM on February 12, 2013


I cut my own hair now but for a long time I enjoyed getting my hair cut just for the windows into stranger's lives that 30 minutes unscripted near-intimacy can provide. My most vivid memory is I am sitting there and the lady is cutting my hair and five feet away the hairstylist goes completely berserk when she sets in to cutting the hair of the cutest six year old kid and his (maybe her) head full of hair also turns out to be full of head lice. She screamed at the mother that if she owned the place she would call 911 and turn her ass into child protective service right now get out Get Out GET OUT!
posted by bukvich at 9:51 PM on February 12, 2013


Yay! ASMR! I've been using Soothe Tube to get to sleep every. single. night for a few months. This is one of my latest favorites...back massage. Or this facial massage. Talking about tea, or drinking tea. Sleeping kitties and zzzzzzzzz.
posted by jeanmari at 10:10 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


how it's made.
The ones where a skilled person builds something beautiful from scratch using hand tools, or the ones were amazingly powerful machines manipulate tons of hot steel like little sticks of plasticine. Wait... even better those very long automated production lines with plenty of ad-hoc mechanisms and unexpected linkages.

And I have missed whole work days having multiple braingasms watching a demolition.

I am pretty vanilla wrt normal orgasms, but my brain's a freak.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 10:42 PM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wait... even better those very long automated production lines with plenty of ad-hoc mechanisms and unexpected linkages.

*shiver*

Yesss.
posted by malthusan at 11:48 PM on February 12, 2013


Interesting that she responds to user comments. I assume they need to be approved by her first, because I'm thinking back to that previous thread about foot fetishes and the weird responses that foot photos evoke.

I also wonder if she's been interviewed on NPR.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 2:42 AM on February 13, 2013


ctrl-F "Oliver Reed"

HOW HAS NO-ONE LINKED THIS YET
posted by ominous_paws at 2:49 AM on February 13, 2013


So going through a bunch of the videos on youtube, I release the only ones that work for me are ones with a 3d/holophonic thing where the sound source is situated somewhere behind my head. Which pretty much rules out any of the ones where you can see the person talking to you. just thought I'd point that out in case any of the people saying they can't get it to trigger have only tried ones with a talking head. This one works pretty well for me.
posted by juv3nal at 2:54 AM on February 13, 2013


Wonder if Tangerine Dream were doing something similar (accidentally or otherwise) with Kiev Mission (whispered bit is from about 2 mins in).
posted by titus-g at 6:06 AM on February 13, 2013


If you get creeped out by the whispering or "fakeness" of some of these videos, but still want to experience ASMR, try a cranial nerve exam video. This respiratory exam is crazy ASMR-inducing as well.
posted by hasna at 7:08 AM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Personally, it's rare for a video to trigger me. But they're generally good for helping me drift off to sleep.

It explains why I like watching Bob Ross and the joy of painting over and over and that drops me into a nap faster than a hammer to the back of my skull.

That and I've never painted a picture in my life.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:49 AM on February 13, 2013


Every single video link I've clicked in this thread has made me extremely anxious and fidgety. I have anti-ASMR or something.
posted by jaguar at 11:27 AM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Im with jagur, the feelung i get is closer to " about to have a panic attack".

Maybe this explains my lifelong insomnia.
posted by The Whelk at 11:30 AM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Panic attack! Yes! I got so anxious I clicked off the videos after about thirty seconds and couldn't even really identify the feeling.
posted by jaguar at 11:33 AM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


You're probably thinking the cake is a lie.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:04 PM on February 13, 2013


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