Your dog is stupid
February 21, 2013 2:26 PM Subscribe
No, really, your dog is stupid. But THIS dog, this dog is pretty smart.
That dog doesn't chase her tail; she catches it.
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:31 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:31 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Border collies are supposed to be smart dogs, but I disagree: my brother has one and when I play chess against the dog, I win three games out of five.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:34 PM on February 21, 2013 [65 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:34 PM on February 21, 2013 [65 favorites]
Well sure, the dog probably just keeps her pieces all bunched together.
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:37 PM on February 21, 2013 [58 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:37 PM on February 21, 2013 [58 favorites]
Its a cute trick when border collies read Dostoevsky, but they really retain very little of what they read.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:38 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:38 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
I once, uh, taught a dog how to do that chase-its-own-tail trick.
Okay, I got nothing.
posted by koeselitz at 2:39 PM on February 21, 2013
Okay, I got nothing.
posted by koeselitz at 2:39 PM on February 21, 2013
Border collies need "work"/mental stimulation like they need water. I'm pretty sure this is the happiest border collie alive.
posted by eugenen at 2:40 PM on February 21, 2013 [29 favorites]
posted by eugenen at 2:40 PM on February 21, 2013 [29 favorites]
(Also, I would have given this post a favorite, HuronBob, except that you called my awesome dog Sterling "stupid." So: no favorite for you.)
posted by koeselitz at 2:43 PM on February 21, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by koeselitz at 2:43 PM on February 21, 2013 [10 favorites]
Yeah, you better take that crap you said about my Anna Banana back, HB!
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 2:44 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 2:44 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
ooooh - Sterling is gorgeous!
posted by michellenoel at 2:44 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by michellenoel at 2:44 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
I got my dog one of those dog puzzles. He ignored the treats inside and ate the puzzle pieces instead. Moron.
posted by phunniemee at 2:45 PM on February 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 2:45 PM on February 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
My dog has learned to smile like a human, by carefully baring his upper teeth. Otherwise, he's pretty standard, but this one thing just blew me away. Oh, and this is an entirely self-taught trick that he surprised us with one day.
posted by hat_eater at 2:48 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by hat_eater at 2:48 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
Shit, this dog is smarter than me.
My dogs probably give better cuddles though.
posted by Pecinpah at 2:52 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
My dogs probably give better cuddles though.
posted by Pecinpah at 2:52 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Um, Pecinpah, your dog has no head.
Thought you should know.
posted by phunniemee at 2:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [13 favorites]
Thought you should know.
posted by phunniemee at 2:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [13 favorites]
I am totally in awe of people with the dedication to train their dogs in obedience, agility, rally, freestyle, etc (this particular border collie is demonstrating a lot of freestyle moves).
Your dog is probably not any dumber than Zoe. I like to call my dogs dumb because they think like dogs, not like humans, but somethings thinking like a dog is a very powerful thing - their capacity for pattern recognition and discernment between patterns is dazzling.
posted by muddgirl at 2:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Your dog is probably not any dumber than Zoe. I like to call my dogs dumb because they think like dogs, not like humans, but somethings thinking like a dog is a very powerful thing - their capacity for pattern recognition and discernment between patterns is dazzling.
posted by muddgirl at 2:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Sorry koeselitz, send me a video and we'll consider reclassifying Sterling. Sadly, after I saw that video, I had to include my own pup in the "stupid" class as well.
posted by HuronBob at 2:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by HuronBob at 2:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Oh, I don't have video, but no need to classify. Anyway, your dog looks awesome. I mostly wanted an excuse to post a picture of my friend, to be honest.
posted by koeselitz at 2:56 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by koeselitz at 2:56 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Um, Pecinpah, your dog has no head.
Thought you should know.
Huh. That's probably why I've had such a hard time training him to get me my slippers.
posted by Pecinpah at 2:57 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
Thought you should know.
Huh. That's probably why I've had such a hard time training him to get me my slippers.
posted by Pecinpah at 2:57 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
My dog is a good dog. Yes he is. YESH HE IZZZZSH.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 2:59 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Sing Or Swim at 2:59 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
This sort of thing astounds me. How do you even begin to about training a dog to stand on its two hind legs and then hop around? That is dedication I just don't have. I love my dog, and I'm glad he knows the basic commands. Sheesh.
posted by starvingartist at 3:04 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by starvingartist at 3:04 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ugh. I can't even get my dog to eat regularly.
posted by Davenhill at 3:07 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Davenhill at 3:07 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Those heeling tricks are pretty fantastic and the "play noodle" trick? So much trust!
I wish I enjoyed doing my tricks for treats with a fraction of joy Zoe expresses while doing hers.
posted by notyou at 3:12 PM on February 21, 2013
I wish I enjoyed doing my tricks for treats with a fraction of joy Zoe expresses while doing hers.
posted by notyou at 3:12 PM on February 21, 2013
My genius apparently hid some poop under some leaves so he could eat it during today's snow.
(For the past six weeks, we've been feeding him pumpkin to --I can't believe I'm saying this--make his poop taste bad. So this is apparently six-week-old poop.)
posted by notsnot at 3:20 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
(For the past six weeks, we've been feeding him pumpkin to --I can't believe I'm saying this--make his poop taste bad. So this is apparently six-week-old poop.)
posted by notsnot at 3:20 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
Well, one of my dogs is stupid. My recently-rescued hound isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. I found her in the backcountry just over a month ago, a lost bear-hunting dog. I mean, she lost her pack. That's a pretty epic failure for a hunting dog. She gives the best cuddles, though.
My other dog (a Border Collie mix), though, is a damn evil genius. Jessamyn's met her and can vouch for the truth of it. If I had the time and skill, I have no doubt I could train her to do all of the tricks in this video. As I do not, she has successfully trained me in a number of tasks and tricks, like letting her out because she's bored and rearranging the couch cushions for her comfort.
posted by workerant at 3:24 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
My other dog (a Border Collie mix), though, is a damn evil genius. Jessamyn's met her and can vouch for the truth of it. If I had the time and skill, I have no doubt I could train her to do all of the tricks in this video. As I do not, she has successfully trained me in a number of tasks and tricks, like letting her out because she's bored and rearranging the couch cushions for her comfort.
posted by workerant at 3:24 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
Warning: Music may make you want to kill yourself a little.
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:26 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:26 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
My genius apparently hid some poop under some leaves so he could eat it during today's snow.
(For the past six weeks, we've been feeding him pumpkin to --I can't believe I'm saying this--make his poop taste bad. So this is apparently six-week-old poop.)
Ironically, my first thought on looking at that (adorable) photo was "that's a shit-eating grin."
posted by yoink at 3:27 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
(For the past six weeks, we've been feeding him pumpkin to --I can't believe I'm saying this--make his poop taste bad. So this is apparently six-week-old poop.)
Ironically, my first thought on looking at that (adorable) photo was "that's a shit-eating grin."
posted by yoink at 3:27 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
I don't know if our ancient wiener dog is smart, but he is wise. He sleeps all day.
Our wiener puppy is pretty smart, but like most puppies, also a sociopath.
Our Scottie... well... I still love him very much.
posted by charred husk at 3:28 PM on February 21, 2013
Our wiener puppy is pretty smart, but like most puppies, also a sociopath.
Our Scottie... well... I still love him very much.
posted by charred husk at 3:28 PM on February 21, 2013
yoink: "
Ironically, my first thought on looking at that (adorable) photo was "that's a shit-eating grin.""
Ha!
posted by notsnot at 3:30 PM on February 21, 2013
Ironically, my first thought on looking at that (adorable) photo was "that's a shit-eating grin.""
Ha!
posted by notsnot at 3:30 PM on February 21, 2013
I half expected the rings and dowel to turn into the dog solving the tower of Hanoi.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:30 PM on February 21, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:30 PM on February 21, 2013 [11 favorites]
If the border collies and corvids ever join up, humans are toast.
posted by tommasz at 3:31 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 3:31 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
After winning a MacArthur Fellowship, Zoe formed her own non-profit corporation and is currently researching new, innovative ways to bury your slippers in the backyard.
posted by Kevin Street at 3:49 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Kevin Street at 3:49 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
For the past six weeks, we've been feeding him pumpkin to --I can't believe I'm saying this--make his poop taste bad. So this is apparently six-week-old poop.
My parents have to do this with their dogs too - it's not entirely working. When I was home for Christmas, they let Simon, the rescued part-border-collie mostly-barn-dog, out in the backyard after an overnight snow fall of over a foot of snow. Simon raced around our fenced-in backyard, apparently overjoyed, leaping in the air and digging his nose into the snow, by all signs a happy dog. I called my mom over to the window and we watched this display, at peace with ourselves that we had done even the smallest bit toward making this creature balter so. He'd dig his nose down into the snow and grab a piece of ice and dirt and toss it into the air and let it land and then eat the snow. It was beautiful. At least, it was beautiful until we realized that no, that wasn't ice and dirt, that was dogshit. He was out there digging down through a foot of freshly fallen, virgin snow to eat frozen shit. And we were standing there beatifically watching it.
posted by maryr at 3:53 PM on February 21, 2013 [21 favorites]
My parents have to do this with their dogs too - it's not entirely working. When I was home for Christmas, they let Simon, the rescued part-border-collie mostly-barn-dog, out in the backyard after an overnight snow fall of over a foot of snow. Simon raced around our fenced-in backyard, apparently overjoyed, leaping in the air and digging his nose into the snow, by all signs a happy dog. I called my mom over to the window and we watched this display, at peace with ourselves that we had done even the smallest bit toward making this creature balter so. He'd dig his nose down into the snow and grab a piece of ice and dirt and toss it into the air and let it land and then eat the snow. It was beautiful. At least, it was beautiful until we realized that no, that wasn't ice and dirt, that was dogshit. He was out there digging down through a foot of freshly fallen, virgin snow to eat frozen shit. And we were standing there beatifically watching it.
posted by maryr at 3:53 PM on February 21, 2013 [21 favorites]
Just thinking about how much time it took to train all that exhausts me.
posted by ambrosia at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2013
posted by ambrosia at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2013
Mine isn't a total stupid head but sometimes he doesn't think things through.
posted by gomichild at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by gomichild at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
I'd love to have a border collie.
Of course, I'd love to have the sort of free time that having a border collie requires, too.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Of course, I'd love to have the sort of free time that having a border collie requires, too.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
We have two border collies--they are the best dogs. But you have to be willing to accept The Crazy as part of the deal.
posted by maxwelton at 4:01 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by maxwelton at 4:01 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
You wanna know how you train them to totally focus on your face like that? You carry bits of hot dog in your mouth, and spit them at the dog whenever they focus on you. Once they realize where the treats are coming from, they will watch your face like a hawk. FOREVER.
What you see in that collie's face is the undying hope of more warm spitty hot dog bits.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 4:05 PM on February 21, 2013 [35 favorites]
What you see in that collie's face is the undying hope of more warm spitty hot dog bits.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 4:05 PM on February 21, 2013 [35 favorites]
Using a border collie for this is kinda cheating, as everyone knows they're not dogs, but some sort of programmable biological construct seeded on this world by aliens.
posted by Panjandrum at 4:12 PM on February 21, 2013 [12 favorites]
posted by Panjandrum at 4:12 PM on February 21, 2013 [12 favorites]
> You carry bits of hot dog in your mouth, and spit them at the dog whenever they focus on you.
My pooch actively seeks out treats no matter how diligently hidden, so I think I'll pass on this trick. I have no desire to get woken up by a canine french kiss yet again.
posted by Panjandrum at 4:14 PM on February 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
My pooch actively seeks out treats no matter how diligently hidden, so I think I'll pass on this trick. I have no desire to get woken up by a canine french kiss yet again.
posted by Panjandrum at 4:14 PM on February 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
Metafilter: the undying hope of more warm spitty hot dog bits.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:37 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:37 PM on February 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
Wow. That is a happy HAPPY dog. Most dogs love having some kind of job, and border collies crave it more than most. I'm sure the internal monologue for this dog is "OH GOD WE'RE DOING THE THING THE THING WE'RE DOING THE THING IT'S THE THING WE DO AND WE'RE DOING IT OH YAY"
posted by rmd1023 at 4:38 PM on February 21, 2013 [30 favorites]
posted by rmd1023 at 4:38 PM on February 21, 2013 [30 favorites]
That dog was smart, attentive, gorgeous, and delightful. And the red-coated human was clearly generous, thoughtful, beautiful, and a bit delightful herself. So nice to see such a happy and complimentary match.
posted by Toekneesan at 4:49 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Toekneesan at 4:49 PM on February 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
Our 11-month old Akita is plenty smart we just have trouble motivating her. If doing a trick will let her get something she wants (get a treat, throw the toy, etc.) she'll do whatever you tell her but if it's just to please you, forget it.
posted by VTX at 4:50 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by VTX at 4:50 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
My dog just isn't this into me. I mean he likes to hang, but if we go out, he's more like, I'll meet you back here in 20.
Plus he weighs 125 pounds, doesn't really like to jump up, and him standing on his front paws might defy the laws of gravity. Yes, I know elephants can be trained to do it but I have a day job and I'm not sure they use entirely positive reinformcement methods anyway.) He is, however, a master-level farter.
He's also a very good guard dog and keeps me safe. And he was smart enough to refuse to go outside this morning in 10 inches of snow. At least until I went with him...
posted by shoesietart at 4:52 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Plus he weighs 125 pounds, doesn't really like to jump up, and him standing on his front paws might defy the laws of gravity. Yes, I know elephants can be trained to do it but I have a day job and I'm not sure they use entirely positive reinformcement methods anyway.) He is, however, a master-level farter.
He's also a very good guard dog and keeps me safe. And he was smart enough to refuse to go outside this morning in 10 inches of snow. At least until I went with him...
posted by shoesietart at 4:52 PM on February 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
125 pounds
Pictures or he doesn't weigh that.
posted by Toekneesan at 4:55 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
Pictures or he doesn't weigh that.
posted by Toekneesan at 4:55 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'll admit it - my dogs aren't particularly smart. But what they lack in genius, they make up for in dignity.
(And they know their humans are suckers who will give them treats for nothing.)
posted by Squeak Attack at 5:08 PM on February 21, 2013 [19 favorites]
(And they know their humans are suckers who will give them treats for nothing.)
posted by Squeak Attack at 5:08 PM on February 21, 2013 [19 favorites]
they make up for in dignity.
The one on the right appears to have temporarily mislaid his monocle. He should have a word with his valet about that.
posted by yoink at 5:10 PM on February 21, 2013 [20 favorites]
The one on the right appears to have temporarily mislaid his monocle. He should have a word with his valet about that.
posted by yoink at 5:10 PM on February 21, 2013 [20 favorites]
You wanna know how you train them to totally focus on your face like that? You carry bits of hot dog in your mouth, and spit them at the dog whenever they focus on you. Once they realize where the treats are coming from, they will watch your face like a hawk. FOREVER
Kind of like how if you put your hands in your pocket my dog will immediately run and sit directly in front of you. Because treats come from pockets and dogs who sit nicely get treats. Even from total strangers. Its cute until you don't give her a treat because you were just reaching for your keys and where did this dog even come from? and you ignore her so she reminds you she's waiting! by giving you a firm nudge. In the crotch.
posted by fshgrl at 5:11 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
Kind of like how if you put your hands in your pocket my dog will immediately run and sit directly in front of you. Because treats come from pockets and dogs who sit nicely get treats. Even from total strangers. Its cute until you don't give her a treat because you were just reaching for your keys and where did this dog even come from? and you ignore her so she reminds you she's waiting! by giving you a firm nudge. In the crotch.
posted by fshgrl at 5:11 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
they make up for in dignity.
that smooshed my heart! Please give them snuzzles for me.
posted by sweetkid at 5:13 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Our dog is actually scary smart too despite being a mere Australian Shepherd. He generally learns a new trick -- and never forgets it -- in one 5 minute session. I wish I could do that.
We are also helpless to resist his successful training of us to do as he wishes, when he wishes. We feel you, workerant.
posted by bearwife at 5:13 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
We are also helpless to resist his successful training of us to do as he wishes, when he wishes. We feel you, workerant.
posted by bearwife at 5:13 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
If doing a trick will let her get something she wants (get a treat, throw the toy, etc.) she'll do whatever you tell her but if it's just to please you, forget it.
The dirty little secret of dog training is that almost all dogs are like this. I bet Zoe got one hell of a jackpot at the end of that training. Although I have heard that many Akitas are almost too smart to fall for the whole, "You'll get a treat later for work you do right now!" deal that working dogs love so much.
posted by muddgirl at 5:18 PM on February 21, 2013
The dirty little secret of dog training is that almost all dogs are like this. I bet Zoe got one hell of a jackpot at the end of that training. Although I have heard that many Akitas are almost too smart to fall for the whole, "You'll get a treat later for work you do right now!" deal that working dogs love so much.
posted by muddgirl at 5:18 PM on February 21, 2013
Yeah, that dog is crazy smart - but can I say - I kinda find dumb dogs more lovable?
posted by helmutdog at 5:23 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by helmutdog at 5:23 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Fortunately, we can all see what Shaggy would look like with his monocle by putting the Flickr magnify cursor over one of his eyes.
If Shaggy had been cast in Downton Abbey they'd have had to have had Hugh Bonneville showing his butthole to the world trailing faithfully beside him--because no one would have believed that Shaggy wasn't the lord of the manor.
posted by yoink at 5:24 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
If Shaggy had been cast in Downton Abbey they'd have had to have had Hugh Bonneville showing his butthole to the world trailing faithfully beside him--because no one would have believed that Shaggy wasn't the lord of the manor.
posted by yoink at 5:24 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
Although I have heard that many Akitas are almost too smart to fall for the whole, "You'll get a treat later for work you do right now!" deal that working dogs love so much.
Yeah, my dog (a border terrier) knows that training time is when the treats flow like wine, and it's not about doing the tricks so much as getting the food.
I mean, he'll sit there and give me a high five and all, but the whole time he does it he's got his snout poking at my hand, trying to force his tongue into the fold of my fist to root out a morsel.
He's also ended up with his entire head in the kanga pocket of my hoodies (while I'm wearing it), because he knows that I sometimes put the training treats in there, too.
posted by phunniemee at 5:28 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, my dog (a border terrier) knows that training time is when the treats flow like wine, and it's not about doing the tricks so much as getting the food.
I mean, he'll sit there and give me a high five and all, but the whole time he does it he's got his snout poking at my hand, trying to force his tongue into the fold of my fist to root out a morsel.
He's also ended up with his entire head in the kanga pocket of my hoodies (while I'm wearing it), because he knows that I sometimes put the training treats in there, too.
posted by phunniemee at 5:28 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
2:57 makes the whole thing watchable.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:34 PM on February 21, 2013
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:34 PM on February 21, 2013
My dog just asks Siri to do that shit for him.*
*doesn't actually have a dog
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:35 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
*doesn't actually have a dog
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:35 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
My cat thinks your dog is a sellout.
posted by Chuffy at 5:49 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Chuffy at 5:49 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Our pooch Saffron is stupendously smart. We don't do tricks with her like this, but I really do think she has that ability if I had the intelligence to work with her on them. She's a border collie/husky mix, and her mannerisms are totally border collie. Our Australian Shepherd, Silver, is also super smart, but he's a bit stubborn, and I think he holds Saffron back in her intelligence. One thing for sure, they can tell time better than we can. They know when treat time is, and when dinner time is, and also weekday wake-up time. Unfortunately they don't have the concept of weekends since their weekend wake-up time is the same as the weekday wake-up time.
posted by Eekacat at 5:58 PM on February 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by Eekacat at 5:58 PM on February 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
My dog saves the best tricks for when no one else is around, like opening up the cupboard where the kibble was stored, helping himself, and then closing the cupboard door before we got home so we wouldn't notice. Until a 40 pound bag of kibble vanished in two weeks and he developed a distinct paunch and we put two and two together.
posted by ambrosia at 6:11 PM on February 21, 2013 [22 favorites]
posted by ambrosia at 6:11 PM on February 21, 2013 [22 favorites]
Is that dog smarter than the labrador who skips performance in lieu of stealing the bagels from the counter and chewing through the plastic every god damn time so you're too pissed to teach the damn dog a trick and Jesus Christ what he hell are you eating now?!?!?
posted by Turkey Glue at 6:18 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by Turkey Glue at 6:18 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
no, my dog is not stupid. but he is part border collie. I swear if I took the time I could teach him to type.
posted by mwhybark at 6:45 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by mwhybark at 6:45 PM on February 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
125 pounds
Pictures or he doesn't weigh that.
Here's my big-headed boy dog.
posted by shoesietart at 8:11 PM on February 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
Pictures or he doesn't weigh that.
Here's my big-headed boy dog.
posted by shoesietart at 8:11 PM on February 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
As a kid I had a Yellow Labrador that ate, among other things, bees, a brick, several years' Halloween candy, and a whole stick of butter. But the crowning achievement was when she ate the strings that had tied up a pork roast, and then had to stilt-walk around the yard trying to poop out what appeared to be a basketball net. She even looked over her shoulder at me at one point as if to say, "Yeah, I get it. I earned this. But don't think I won't do it again."
She also could open our screen door on command, and knew how to climb a ladder.
I miss you, Maggie!
posted by wenestvedt at 8:33 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
She also could open our screen door on command, and knew how to climb a ladder.
I miss you, Maggie!
posted by wenestvedt at 8:33 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
This very sweet cocker spaniel, April, was regularly suckered by the also pictured african grey, Bo. So smart in fact was Bo, that she would call the dog over, using my mom's voice, and then try and poop on her back as she was snurfling around looking for food. And then she'd laugh about it. That bird's got huuuuuge brass ones, I tell you.
But April, the best trick she knew was to lick my nose when I asked for a kiss. <3!
posted by ApathyGirl at 9:00 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
But April, the best trick she knew was to lick my nose when I asked for a kiss. <3!
posted by ApathyGirl at 9:00 PM on February 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
I love this thread.
posted by dopeypanda at 10:46 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by dopeypanda at 10:46 PM on February 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Border collies are supposed to be smart dogs, but I disagree: my brother has one and when I play chess against the dog, I win three games out of five.
In my experience, most dogs don't really know what to do against the Hedgehog; usually, they just get confused and begin to bark randomly at the pieces.
posted by WalkingAround at 10:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
In my experience, most dogs don't really know what to do against the Hedgehog; usually, they just get confused and begin to bark randomly at the pieces.
posted by WalkingAround at 10:54 PM on February 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
OMG I totally forgot about my stepmother's border collie who managed to survive over a week after she fell into an irrigation tank!
Black, white and extremely lucky
posted by gomichild at 12:24 AM on February 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
Black, white and extremely lucky
posted by gomichild at 12:24 AM on February 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
In my experience, most dogs don't really know what to do against the Hedgehog; usually, they just get confused and begin to bark randomly at the pieces.
I'm not ashamed to admit that's not where I thought you were going with that. The chess reference should have been a clue.
Okay, maybe a little ashamed.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:43 AM on February 22, 2013
I'm not ashamed to admit that's not where I thought you were going with that. The chess reference should have been a clue.
Okay, maybe a little ashamed.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:43 AM on February 22, 2013
I have looked at all the pictures of your stupid dogs (and other stupid animals), I have read all the stories and accounts of interesting, humorous, and stupid events. As a result I'm here to say that all of your non-human children and friends are adorable. But I have to stand by my original statement that, compared to Zoe, your little buddy ain't so bright. (sorry, Husky, that means you as well... )
posted by HuronBob at 3:22 AM on February 22, 2013
posted by HuronBob at 3:22 AM on February 22, 2013
Um, Pecinpah, your dog has no head.
so how does he smell?
posted by russm at 4:22 AM on February 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
so how does he smell?
posted by russm at 4:22 AM on February 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
Having had smart dogs and dumb dogs, I'll take the stupid ones any day.
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:18 AM on February 22, 2013
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:18 AM on February 22, 2013
This is where we share interesting anecdotes where we prove that our dogs aren't stupid, isn't it? Fair enough, I'm game.
When I first moved into my house my dog was just under a year old. We moved because we wanted more space, including a fenced in back yard. So first day moving stuff I took him to the new house, put him in the back yard, and then walked around the front of the house to proceed moving furniture in the front door. What a great idea I told myself.
Before we'd even propped the front door open he was in the front yard, directly in view of the front door. As it turned out he watched me open the latch once and knew exactly how to get it open. So I rewarded him with a good 45 minute session of his favorite game: "just try to catch me you silly human."
Act 2: Dog is again in the back yard, this time I've used his dog collar to securely lash the two posts together. Sure, he could figure out the gate, but with the collar there he still wouldn't be able to get it open.
This is the exact moment I knew my dog was smarter than me. For at that brief period of time where the couch is firmly wedged into the front door opening using the best possible non-euclidean geometry my poor little brain could muster, and exactly when I was contemplating the calculus involved in not only the angle of approach, but the pitch and yaw as well, plus there's the alternate options of just removing the door or even buying a new couch entirely... the dog dropped his collar at my feet and nudged the back of my leg indicating that he was once again ready to "play".
Not only had he now mastered the latch after only witnessing it twice, but he understood the physics involved enough to chew through his collar AND the concept that he needed to be wearing his collar if he wanted to go outside and play.
To this day the gate is chained shut and we just bring the dog through the house.
posted by Blue_Villain at 8:31 AM on February 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
When I first moved into my house my dog was just under a year old. We moved because we wanted more space, including a fenced in back yard. So first day moving stuff I took him to the new house, put him in the back yard, and then walked around the front of the house to proceed moving furniture in the front door. What a great idea I told myself.
Before we'd even propped the front door open he was in the front yard, directly in view of the front door. As it turned out he watched me open the latch once and knew exactly how to get it open. So I rewarded him with a good 45 minute session of his favorite game: "just try to catch me you silly human."
Act 2: Dog is again in the back yard, this time I've used his dog collar to securely lash the two posts together. Sure, he could figure out the gate, but with the collar there he still wouldn't be able to get it open.
This is the exact moment I knew my dog was smarter than me. For at that brief period of time where the couch is firmly wedged into the front door opening using the best possible non-euclidean geometry my poor little brain could muster, and exactly when I was contemplating the calculus involved in not only the angle of approach, but the pitch and yaw as well, plus there's the alternate options of just removing the door or even buying a new couch entirely... the dog dropped his collar at my feet and nudged the back of my leg indicating that he was once again ready to "play".
Not only had he now mastered the latch after only witnessing it twice, but he understood the physics involved enough to chew through his collar AND the concept that he needed to be wearing his collar if he wanted to go outside and play.
To this day the gate is chained shut and we just bring the dog through the house.
posted by Blue_Villain at 8:31 AM on February 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
Blue_Villain, my dog Maggie tore apart gates & fences for years until my dad cut a hole in the fence, bolted a slab of plexiglass over it, and then she could see out into the alley. Problem solved!
Of course, by then he had already added steel cables to support the back gate and covered it with a 4'x4' sheet of metal mesh to keep her from chewing through it yet again, and that after the chili-laced Vaseline smeared up and down it for weeks didn't dissuade her, nor did replacing the front gate with a chain-link unit....
She still liked to get out and run around the city. My favorite "Hogan's Heroes" moment was when she went outside during a blizzard and walked up a snowdrift to the top of the six-foot fence -- which she had long since determined she could not quite jump over -- and then nimbly jumped into the alley and took off to go for a walk. That dog was....a marvel, really.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:22 AM on February 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
Of course, by then he had already added steel cables to support the back gate and covered it with a 4'x4' sheet of metal mesh to keep her from chewing through it yet again, and that after the chili-laced Vaseline smeared up and down it for weeks didn't dissuade her, nor did replacing the front gate with a chain-link unit....
She still liked to get out and run around the city. My favorite "Hogan's Heroes" moment was when she went outside during a blizzard and walked up a snowdrift to the top of the six-foot fence -- which she had long since determined she could not quite jump over -- and then nimbly jumped into the alley and took off to go for a walk. That dog was....a marvel, really.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:22 AM on February 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
My border collie is very mellow. She relies on her adorableness rather than her mad skillz.
posted by stormpooper at 10:00 AM on February 22, 2013
posted by stormpooper at 10:00 AM on February 22, 2013
Poor Maggie, treading water until her nails were worn down! I am SO glad someone found her and returned her to your stepmother, gomichild!
And Saffron has her Blue Steel face down cold.
posted by misha at 10:01 AM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
And Saffron has her Blue Steel face down cold.
posted by misha at 10:01 AM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
This dog is a better musician
Perhaps, but this one has rhythm.
posted by ambrosia at 10:13 AM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Perhaps, but this one has rhythm.
posted by ambrosia at 10:13 AM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Zoe is indeed smart, and I am duly impressed. But not envious.
My dog Clark is likely a great pyrenees/golden retriever/basset hound. He may or may not be stupid, but he does sleep about 22 hours a day, requires very little exercise, and lets me do this to him. He's also a fantastic guard dog, keeping unwanted relatives from visiting.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 10:18 AM on February 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
My dog Clark is likely a great pyrenees/golden retriever/basset hound. He may or may not be stupid, but he does sleep about 22 hours a day, requires very little exercise, and lets me do this to him. He's also a fantastic guard dog, keeping unwanted relatives from visiting.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 10:18 AM on February 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
Recently our family discovered Nova: ScienceNow and watched the one with Neil DeGrasse Tyson called "How Smart Are Animals?"
We were blown away by Chaser, a border collie whose trainer has bought her about a *thousand* stuffed toys and taught her unique names for them all. Dr. Tyson grabbed maybe 10 at random from the giant pile of 1000 and put them behind the couch, then would say "Chaser, go get Sparkles" or whatever and the dog would run back there and pick the right toy EVERY TIME. The kicker was when he secretly added a new toy ("Darwin") the dog had never seen and said "Chaser, go get Darwin". The dog ran back there, looked around, then came back and stared at him. He repeated the command and Chaser went back there and poked around the pile (maybe 8 or so toys left) and brought back the new toy. So basically, he figured out that the one unfamiliar toy must be Darwin by inference. Crazy.
posted by freecellwizard at 10:36 AM on February 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
We were blown away by Chaser, a border collie whose trainer has bought her about a *thousand* stuffed toys and taught her unique names for them all. Dr. Tyson grabbed maybe 10 at random from the giant pile of 1000 and put them behind the couch, then would say "Chaser, go get Sparkles" or whatever and the dog would run back there and pick the right toy EVERY TIME. The kicker was when he secretly added a new toy ("Darwin") the dog had never seen and said "Chaser, go get Darwin". The dog ran back there, looked around, then came back and stared at him. He repeated the command and Chaser went back there and poked around the pile (maybe 8 or so toys left) and brought back the new toy. So basically, he figured out that the one unfamiliar toy must be Darwin by inference. Crazy.
posted by freecellwizard at 10:36 AM on February 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
BTW, here is poop-loving Simon, who is tired because it's hard work being worried all the time.
posted by maryr at 12:37 PM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 12:37 PM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
"My favorite "Hogan's Heroes" moment was when she went outside during a blizzard and walked up a snowdrift to the top of the six-foot fence -- which she had long since determined she could not quite jump over -- and then nimbly jumped into the alley and took off to go for a walk."
There was a little dog at the end of our block that would do this every winter. As soon as the snow got a hard crust on top that could support his weight, he'd jump over the fence and end up in the back alley. Then he'd make his way to our yard and hang out by the garage until my Dad took him home. He didn't want to explore, the goal was just to jump over that fence. And he wouldn't go back with me, it had to be Dad.
posted by Kevin Street at 1:33 PM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
There was a little dog at the end of our block that would do this every winter. As soon as the snow got a hard crust on top that could support his weight, he'd jump over the fence and end up in the back alley. Then he'd make his way to our yard and hang out by the garage until my Dad took him home. He didn't want to explore, the goal was just to jump over that fence. And he wouldn't go back with me, it had to be Dad.
posted by Kevin Street at 1:33 PM on February 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
VTX: Our 11-month old Akita is plenty smart we just have trouble motivating her. If doing a trick will let her get something she wants (get a treat, throw the toy, etc.) she'll do whatever you tell her but if it's just to please you, forget it.Drop the snacks altogether. Then make your attention (during training) the rarest, most unobtainable commodity in the world - except when she obeys. Make it really, really clear that if she wants you to pay attention to her, she must obey. Otherwise, even if you're correcting her, no eye-to-eye face time. She isn't worthy of that.
She'll come around. NO treats. Just praise and attention. Versus none of that.
posted by IAmBroom at 3:14 PM on February 22, 2013
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