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If blood were spilled, it'd probably be green.
February 28, 2013 6:17 AM   Subscribe

For generations both societies lived apart from humanity, united in their common experience as outcasts. But as so often happens when downcast but fanatical groups find themselves in the ascendancy, today their factionalism is exposed and the rivalry has erupted into open conflict.

Answering the toughest questions of our time: Which is the most dangerous place to go to school, Xaviers Academy or Hogwarts? Who has the better fashion sense, Star Wars or Star Trek? Who is the Greatest Mystery Solving Girl Band, Josie & the Pussycats or Jem & the Holograms? Most of the debates are available as podcasts, including the infamous Malcolm Reynolds vs Han Solo (mp3) discussion where a certain actor called in to voice his opinion.
posted by GhostintheMachine (25 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
Nathan Fillion: the bestest, or totes the bestest?
posted by zombieflanders at 6:28 AM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Obligatory "These are not the hammer. The hammer is my penis." quote here.
posted by Didymium at 6:32 AM on February 28, 2013


Which is the most dangerous place to go to school, Xaviers Academy or Hogwarts?

Well, being a big geek, of course I have an opinion, and an instant argument as to why, and OF COURSE I'm not going to listen to their opinions first.

It seems like magic is as much skill as raw talent, so if you really apply yourself, you're going to drastically improve your chance of survival. With superheroes, you seem to be given a certain amount of power, and that's how much you have, and intelligence and effort don't make nearly as much of a difference. So whatever the relative risks actually are, it seems like you can manage them a lot better at Hogwarts: careful study should make it much more likely that some other schlub gets et.
posted by Malor at 6:34 AM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, and also, stay the hell away from Harry Potter. That's worth more than half the skill in the world.
posted by Malor at 6:36 AM on February 28, 2013 [6 favorites]


Who is the Greatest Mystery Solving Girl Band, Josie & the Pussycats or Jem & the Holograms?

Hint: Who helped Scoob and The Gang, a crime-fighting group of such towering importance that Batman and Robin were often forced to call them in?
posted by DU at 6:38 AM on February 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


Which is the most dangerous place to go to school, Xaviers Academy or Hogwarts?

Easy call. Hogwarts gives you much better odds during the non-Voldemort era. Also, secondary mutants are always getting killed for dramatic effect, and there's less of them. Most wizards live safe uneventful lives.

Oh, and also, stay the hell away from Harry Potter. That's worth more than half the skill in the world.

Scalzi could totally write a Redshirts set in Hogwarts. Everyone's rearranging their schedules to avoid classes with the big three protagonists. I can picture the extras under the sorting hat now:"Hufflepuff, ...wait no you forgot Cedric! Ravenclaw! Nothing bad ever happened to a Ravenclaw!"
posted by leotrotsky at 6:42 AM on February 28, 2013 [6 favorites]


Oh, also Hogwarts never had a Genosha.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:46 AM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Re: Xavier's Academy vs. Hogwarts, the REAL choice is simple: we all know that mutie-school has more hotties. Hogfarts has - what, Ron? Hermione? Come on. Xavier's School has the girl from Juno and Hugh Jackman, forchrissakes. And no-one is going to Hogwarts dreaming about Draco Malfoy's big stiff wand, are they? "Oooooooooh Draco let's have a foursome with your pig-faced henchboys, I'll touch your philosopher's stones and you put your snake up my chamber of secrets, you naughty wizard". I'd rather have an XXX-man.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:57 AM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Lego Harry Potter games hide a "Student in Peril" for you to rescue. Think about that. Someone at the game developer studio said, "The theme of students in peril at Hogwarts is so pervasive that it should be included in every level."

I'd also pick Hogwarts as the worst choice because if you die at Xavier's, at least you're probably involved in saving the world. At Hogwarts you're at best saving an antiquated classist system that takes incredible power and wastes it turning cats into goblets because apparently that needs to be done.

My question for the panel: which group is more useless: the Hogwarts staff or the Jedi?
posted by Legomancer at 7:02 AM on February 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


I have come to the conclusion that I am neither a geek nor a nerd, but a guy who generally likes sci-fi.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 7:04 AM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


This reminds me of an actual debate that raged across my social media accounts about ship-to-ship combat in a Star Trek vs. Star Wars scenario. One of my friends still won't talk to me (I knew more phoney baloney Science than he did and this carried the day).
posted by KingEdRa at 7:05 AM on February 28, 2013


And no-one is going to Hogwarts dreaming about Draco Malfoy's big stiff wand, are they?

You haven't read much fanfiction, have you?
posted by kmz at 7:18 AM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Heh. True. I should put on a robe and wizard hat.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 7:26 AM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


And no-one is going to Hogwarts dreaming about Draco Malfoy's big stiff wand, are they?

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
posted by Mayor West at 7:47 AM on February 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


This reminds me of an actual debate that raged across my social media accounts about ship-to-ship combat in a Star Trek vs. Star Wars scenario. One of my friends still won't talk to me (I knew more phoney baloney Science than he did and this carried the day).

People be ridiculous.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:51 AM on February 28, 2013


Obligatory "These are not the hammer. The hammer is my penis." quote here.

My take on that Captain Hammer quote. [self link from a side project]
posted by quin at 7:51 AM on February 28, 2013


Xavier's by far with a significant caveat:

Obligatory Warren Ellis Quote" "Them Xmen got more lives that Jesus"

So you have to factor resurrection into the equation. You might not be you (Douglocke, original Angel over and freaking over), but you are back.

Magic is more of a toolkit approach, the trick is to pull out the right doodad (spell, potion, talisman...) to save your ass, whereas superheroes who survive have a good knowledge of what they can/can't do and when to call for help.

(just realized that this makes my fav Batman, the most magical superhero... )
posted by djrock3k at 7:54 AM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


I have nothing to add other than the fact that I'm taking my daughter to Harry Potter World Saturday. I've read none of the books, have seen mayyyyyybe 1 1/2 of the movies, and have no idea what I'm getting myself into.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:03 AM on February 28, 2013


I have nothing to add other than the fact that I'm taking my daughter to Harry Potter World Saturday. I've read none of the books, have seen mayyyyyybe 1 1/2 of the movies, and have no idea what I'm getting myself into.

The most fantastic thing ever is what you're getting yourself into. Your daughter gets to go to an Awesome Thing and explain it all to a grown-up? Heaven.

Note: I do not have any opinion on the actual Harry Potter World; this is just a generally excellent bonding experience that would also apply at Lego Land or other similarly branded amusement parks.
posted by Etrigan at 8:44 AM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've read none of the books

This reminds me of seeing Harry Potter 7.5 at the cinema with the muggle wife: there is a dramatic scene, I recall, when one Neville Longbottom first appears, popping up unexpectedly from some secret passage. As our hero(ine)s all look upon him relief and joy, and as the music swells to a crescendo of rapture, they speak words to the effect of "Oh, it's you!" The audience of fans all cheer. Poor Mrs quidnunc, not knowing at all who the fuck has just appeared or why or to what point, was inhabited by a look of utter confusion, a David Lynch moment, and could hardly help herself crying out in the darkness, "who the fuck is this tosser?"
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:10 AM on February 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


My question for the panel: which group is more useless: the Hogwarts staff or the Jedi?

When a Jedi turned, all but two of the Jedi died. When a Hogwarts student turned, it took him seven years to make his move and while there was death, the institution continued. 66 points to Hogwarts.
posted by no relation at 10:27 AM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Malor: Which is the most dangerous place to go to school, Xaviers Academy or Hogwarts?
...

With superheroes, you seem to be given a certain amount of power, and that's how much you have, and intelligence and effort don't make nearly as much of a difference.
You must be new here, Mr. Malor. I am Professor X. I will guide you, and help you as you learn to hone and - perhaps most importantly - control your mutant abilities.

Surely you are aware of the success record of our graduates against many, poorer-trained mutants over the last several years?

Now please put down that - Harry Potter, is it? - book. The Introduction to Ricochet Practicum class has already begun. Assistant Professor Gambit expects you in Room 106.

He does not like to be kept waiting.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:14 PM on February 28, 2013


Although I would give the jedi points above the hogwarts staff for being great at going into hiding. Dozens and dozens of named jedi survived the purge.
posted by sandswipe at 1:15 PM on February 28, 2013


Xavier's over Hogwarts, easy. No uniforms, gorgeous location (I've driven by it), cuter classmates, and not as much of a chance o death.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:44 PM on February 28, 2013


Trip report.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:43 AM on March 4, 2013


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