Okay, so, here’s the problem with being that fair in my journalism. It makes the obvious question “why did you break up with her” and I don’t want that question being asked of me 6,000 times a day. It prolongs all the pain and torture. We’re not getting back together, so where is the therapy and the where is the comfort in talking about how good it was to be with her.And now they're together again. My takeaway on this is that Dan Harmon is often brilliant, but also kind of a huge mess.
I also don’t want to talk about our relationship in general. It invades something we owned together, it’s half owned by her, I’m not allowed to just say “this is how it was.” What I really need to do is express my hatred of myself and my solitude. I need to atone with my loneliness and make it my best friend because I am not going to be with anybody in any foreseeable future, and if I ever am, it’s because I was weak and I made a big, dangerous mistake out of weakness. I am a fucked up guy that just needs to be fucked up and learn to live with being fucked up.
Erin “responded” to my blog entry, in which I said love doesn’t exist and that I hated being in a relationship. She responded understandably. Justifiably. I didn’t want her to read it. It wasn’t for her. It was for me. I’m salting the wound, I’m lying, I’m twisting to make myself feel better, all correct. Her appraisal of my blog entry is all correct, although I didn’t read every word because I don’t want this to become discourse. It’s not a divorce. It’s a breakup. I want to be alone and I also want to be incapable of being alone and write wounded bird blogs in which I pat myself on the back for being all Neil Diamond about shattering someone’s entire life down the middle.
Before I knew how to talk to people in real life (coworkers will tell you I never actually learned) I learned to talk to people on the internet. I was 14, I had an old TRS-80 from my Dad’s office, and, at night, I would use it with a direct connect 300 baud modem to call a “citizen’s band emulator” and chat with college students. The system would only let you log in until a certain hour, so the trick was to get in there early and the reward was that you got to stay all night, quoting Python, flirting, arguing about God, asserting your blossoming manhood, such as it was, all through the beautifully face-blind, tone-deaf medium of pure green text on a black screen.So, yes, Dan Harmon is huge mess, but he's recognizably human, specifically the species homo internetus.
In the 24 years since, I have learned - kind of - to talk to people in real life, mostly through performance techniques made habit; projection, forced eye contact, using my hands and my face to say “I’m here, I get it, I’m with you, I’m alive,” because that’s how people are in real life and if you stick out too much, you’re alone, and alone is really bad. Alone is no words, no words is no time, no feeling, no life, the blackness between the green.
when his own show is hardly close to the peaks of those other two. And if he can't see the difference between Freaks and Geeks and goddamn CommunityHe's not comparing TV shows, he's comparing TV with the Sistine Chapel, or Joyce, or Dali, or even just a walk in a bluebell wood. On that scale, you can't slip a playing card between "show that you like" and "show that you don't like".
I've finally figured out my reaction to this new "Community." It's not just trepidation and tepid acceptance of the new product; it's a deep sense of unease with the show that's playing on my TV.Despite my discomfort with the new version of the show (and even though from the outside, his abrupt ousting reflects poorly on NBC), I can sympathize with the network feeling Harmon needed to be replaced. My first inkling that maybe Harmon wasn't going to make it on the network came when I listened to the commentary track for Paradigms of Human Memory ["Community" S2 ep21], the pretend clip-show.
It makes me think of Capgras syndrome, the delusion that a loved one has been replaced by a stranger who looks and sounds and behaves essentially like your spouse or parent or sibling but who --- you intuit --- is in fact an uncanny imposter insinuating themselves into their place.
Dan Harmon's three seasons of "Community" felt like someone had tapped into my unconscious and written a show from the chaos in there. The show was almost as beloved in this household as an imaginary friend. This new incarnation feels like a stranger has assumed that beloved and familiar voice and is parroting them back to us, but with each utterance and gesture ... just ... slightly ... off. The new "Community" has been doing more than just disappointing me; watching it actually stirs up some out-of-proportion anxiety in me, a sense of unheimliche that I usually only get from David Lynch films.
It's not just that this is no longer the show I loved; it's wearing the skin of the show I loved, and underneath all my hesitant hope and wait-and-see, it's been giving me the CREEPS.
I know I was lucky to ever see a TV show that felt so richly, warmly woven into my own sense of humor, and luckier still to get three whole seasons of it. I even know that, if I can get past the disappointment and the hesitation and the underlying sense of creepiness, I might come to enjoy this new show. But I'm not sure I want to find out.
I have to say, it struck me as I read this that Harmon's the closest thing my generation has to an old-school hedonistic fuck-the-man rock star. Music is such a thoroughly corporate thing that if you're in the system, you're pretty firmly wedged into it, and if you're not in it, that's great but you're not a rock star, you're just a person who makes good music.I don't really think that makes much sense. The corporate music industry was decimated - anyone who's famous now is famous because they marketed themselves from the get-go. So it's not like you have to become corporate to become famous you have to have the commercial/capitalistic mindset in you to begin with. Someone like Lady Gaga, for example she did most of the work of promoting herself. OK Go made their own music videos, then took corporate sponsorship deals.
I think that's exactly the thing, though... if he really had such a terrible ego, then he wouldn't always be talking about his ego. I know people with overweening egos: they don't ever mention their own arrogance. They don't think that they're arrogant; they think they're doing you a favour by bestowing their wisdom upon you.I don't really see why you can't both have a big ego and aware of it. Obviously, self-awareness means you can try to avoid appearing arrogant if you chose, but you just have to make a conscious effort.
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posted by yellowbinder at 11:16 AM on February 28