Tasty Pastry or Edible Obscenity?
March 14, 2013 12:22 PM   Subscribe

Virtual idol Hatsune Miku has collaborated with Family Mart to produce these NSFW snacks. Whaddya think? Feel like heading down to Family Mart for some Sakura no Ame?

If you have doubts, here's a helpful review, along with listings of some other lovely pink products.
posted by kinnakeet (68 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
[more inside]

go on then
posted by Greg Nog at 12:23 PM on March 14, 2013 [8 favorites]


Nothing wrong with this.
posted by kafziel at 12:24 PM on March 14, 2013


I almost always resist clicking.
posted by shothotbot at 12:25 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


At least we know that Hatsune Miku is made out of bread.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:30 PM on March 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


I almost always resist licking.
posted by Pendragon at 12:31 PM on March 14, 2013


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a danish is just a danish.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:31 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think it's just an unfortunately folded pastry, and kotaku is stretching to make it a loljapan headline.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 12:32 PM on March 14, 2013 [4 favorites]




I would eat the fuck out of those things.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 12:32 PM on March 14, 2013 [7 favorites]


It's not that it looks like a vagina, it's that it looks like five vaginas squished together in some monstrous mutant way.


(...I would totally buy and eat it, too.)
posted by restless_nomad at 12:33 PM on March 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's been a long time since I've had a folded pastry. What are they supposed to look like?
posted by mazola at 12:33 PM on March 14, 2013


Boy, I hope these are still on sale next month when I visit. That and some Cream Collon will make for an interesting suitcase for the TSA to rummage through on my return.
posted by Runes at 12:34 PM on March 14, 2013


I hate to be all "LOL Japan" but seriously.
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:36 PM on March 14, 2013


Needs some chocolate shavings.
posted by jonmc at 12:37 PM on March 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


It's okay, everyone. Yes, the pastries look like vaginas, but it turns out Hatsune Miku's vagina is shaped like an Éclair.
posted by charred husk at 12:41 PM on March 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


Naw, dude.

Dude. Naw.
posted by jquinby at 12:49 PM on March 14, 2013


Paging William Gibson to aisle 4, please, William Gibson to aisle 4.
posted by WidgetAlley at 12:53 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


And sometimes a danish is just a danish.

Sometimes a danish is just Japanese?
Sometimes the Japanese just make a danish?

There must be a joke here somewhere....
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:55 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's been a long time since I've had a folded pastry.

And now you have me craving peach danishes from the bakery down the street.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 1:02 PM on March 14, 2013


Now I gots the Jelly Roll Blues.
posted by noaccident at 1:05 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


The close-ups were not pleasant. In combination with the package graphic of an abashed school girl it just makes it so much worse. Weirdly enough, it reminded me of the pastries in the movie, Caligula, where the titular character attends a wedding.

Here I am grieving for G-Reader and then am confronted by mutant pack of vagina pastries. And pre-pubescent pastries at that..
posted by jadepearl at 1:05 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am really wondering if these things smell like pastries, or if..... Never mind.
posted by Marco Polo's Lost Codpiece at 1:25 PM on March 14, 2013


Click this only if you don't find the previous images of the "pastry" disturbing.
posted by orme at 1:33 PM on March 14, 2013 [13 favorites]


Also, I am sorry.
posted by orme at 1:34 PM on March 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


Yeah - kinda funny - but more on the weird end of scale with the Japanese school girl on the packaging. What is it with Japanese dudes and school girls in sailor school uniforms? I mean, there are probably alot of people with catholic school girl fetishes - but I don't think Hostess is rushing out vagina shaped lunch snackables.

Which really makes me question the Twinkie.
posted by helmutdog at 1:36 PM on March 14, 2013


Nothing compared to the major advertising campaign Dominos Japan has launched with Hatsune Miku.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:37 PM on March 14, 2013 [20 favorites]


Question for those more knowledgeable: is calling Hatsune Miku a "virtual idol" kind of like calling Snoopy a "virtual idol?" Because she appears to be a cartoon character, it's not unheard of for cartoon characters to endorse things, and saying "virtual idol" seems like a way to add unnecessary LOLJapan to me.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:53 PM on March 14, 2013


I always thought a caviar & smoked salmon savory cheesecake would be the better medium for that kind of imagery, but it's not like I've ever done any cake decorating.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:00 PM on March 14, 2013


Navelgazer, I don't know if this is a direct answer to your question, but I can assure you that I will henceforth only refer to Snoopy as "American Kawaii Virtual Idol Snoopy".
posted by Greg Nog at 2:09 PM on March 14, 2013 [11 favorites]


Nothing compared to the major advertising campaign Dominos Japan has launched with Hatsune Miku.

Everybody stop what you're doing and watch this right now.
posted by RobotHero at 2:10 PM on March 14, 2013 [13 favorites]


ohoho myhihi gohohohod
I sort of really respect him for going through with that and being a good sport. I don't think I'll necessarily listen to music ever again, though.
posted by forgetful snow at 2:31 PM on March 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


A Hatsune Miku concert begins humanly enough. If you’ve ever had the heart to accompany a daughter or niece to, say, a Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus extravaganza, you know the drill: The young crowd rushes in, giggling, making yelplike noises that adult throats don’t make, repeating the titles of songs as if they were mantras. The band emerges, followed by more young-throat noises, followed by the diminutive but eerily poised headliner, who recalls one of those grown-up-looking babies in Renaissance art. Followed by pubescent rapture.

At a Hatsune Miku concert, that’s also the moment when the proceedings take a turn for the, well, the only precise way of saying it is for the Japanese. Miku is not human. She is a virtual idol, a holographic star. Miku is crowdsourced, ever-evolving, famous software. Not even her fans know, or care, how to taxonomize her. (“She’s rather more like a goddess: She has human parts, but she transcends human limitations. She’s the great posthuman pop star,” one fansite reads.)
posted by ChuraChura at 2:50 PM on March 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


Question for those more knowledgeable: is calling Hatsune Miku a "virtual idol" kind of like calling Snoopy a "virtual idol?" Because she appears to be a cartoon character, it's not unheard of for cartoon characters to endorse things, and saying "virtual idol" seems like a way to add unnecessary LOLJapan to me.

The concept of the idol singer is a thing in Japan. Think Miley Cyrus, or such - a manufactured teenage pop star who at the basis of their career is a musician, but who immediately branches into all kinds of media. Hatsune Miku is a virtual idol in the sense that she is an idol singer who sings by way of text-to-speech and appears in concerts by virtue of projection displays of CGI.

Snoopy doesn't sell out concert arenas.
posted by kafziel at 2:51 PM on March 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nothing compared to the major advertising campaign Dominos Japan has launched with Hatsune Miku.

Krieger from Archer will provide the sauce.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:03 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just watched the Domino's campaign video. Dude, the way he was saying Hatsune Miku made me think he was trying some NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) crap on me. Afterwards, I had to make sure that I was still wearing clothes and those clothes were my original ones. I have also just re-affirmed that I am disturbed by the package of mutant, pre-pubescent vagina pastries.
posted by jadepearl at 3:14 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Another thing to note about Hatsune Miku's popularity is that her songs come from her listeners. Her singing software is not especially expensive and has resulted in hundreds of songs written by both fans and professionals alike.

It reminds me of that episode of Frasier where Frasier's dad had always wanted Frank Sinatra to sing a song of his. The difference is, Hatsune Miku became famous precisely because she could sing any song a fan wrote. Her most famous songs (here's one example) are generally made by random people on the Internet.
posted by Maxson at 3:17 PM on March 14, 2013


That Domino's thing. You can tell he spent a lot of time learning how to pronounce "Hatsune Miku" and got about 80% of the way there, and the quick-cut, weird close-up camera angles don't work for everybody. But half-way through you're just pulling for the guy to make it through 'cause he's trying so. darn. hard, like the totally non-photogenic car salesman on the local TV station's ads after 1:00 AM.
posted by benito.strauss at 3:26 PM on March 14, 2013 [9 favorites]


Click this only if you don't find the previous images of the "pastry" disturbing.

So wrong. ugh.
posted by GuyZero at 3:47 PM on March 14, 2013


This is the one time I kind of wish there was some hair on my pie.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:48 PM on March 14, 2013


Good lord, that Domino's thing.
posted by King Bee at 3:57 PM on March 14, 2013


Tain't interested.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:23 PM on March 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


First, "I think it's just an unfortunately folded pastry" . . . NUH UH.

Second . . . that Domino's thing. I skipped over it, but I have to thank RobotHero for urging me to look. My god. I'm the one who posted the AskMe question a long time ago about "an untranslatable word for feeling embarrassment at another's behavior" or however I worded it.

THIS. THIS IS WHY.

Ok, yeah, here's the link.

Plaatsvervangende schaamte, indeed.
posted by exlotuseater at 4:37 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


The guy in that Domino's ad has the delivery of someone who's reciting from a script that's full of words he doesn't completely understand, even after the assistant director or whoever explains them a few times. Words like "Vocaloid" and "app".
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:48 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


You know, a case a beer, some Godzilla movies and a package of these... "folded pastry" dealios, and you got yourself the makings for a pretty good weekend...
posted by Skygazer at 4:56 PM on March 14, 2013


5 petal sakura is a traditional symbol. It's just a pastry recontextualized with LOLJapanamirite.

I am more intrigued by the Hatsune Miku/Dominos iPhone app, which apparently is GPS location dependent and the major features only work in Japan. I installed it, the only feature I can get to work is the camera, which will take pictures with a posable Hatsune Miku figure ("special poses" available via codes on Domino's boxes). Other features apparently require a login. It looks like there is a feature that will get her to sing at various points in the process of your Domino's pizza delivery.
posted by charlie don't surf at 4:57 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a danish is just a danish.

But a Danish cigar, that may or may not resemble a vagina, is not as rare as it once was.
posted by doctor_negative at 5:34 PM on March 14, 2013


It's just a pastry recontextualized with LOLJapanamirite.

So I get that there is a certain amount of LOLJapan going on and I agree (I think) that it's not totally good. But then...

It looks like there is a feature that will get her to sing at various points in the process of your Domino's pizza delivery.

What? WHAT?? Who wants this? And I'm back to stereotyping Japan as one huge mass of otaku.
posted by GuyZero at 5:36 PM on March 14, 2013


Can a Japanese mefite please report in and tell us if these are tasty? I need to know.
posted by NoraReed at 5:50 PM on March 14, 2013


What? WHAT?? Who wants this?

And it also does online pizza orders and gives discount codes for doing this crap.
posted by charlie don't surf at 5:52 PM on March 14, 2013


It's convenience store bread. Not worth a second try.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:54 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's convenience store bread. Not worth a second try.

Nice way to talk about a lady.
posted by padraigin at 5:56 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Metafilter post about the Domino's app
posted by various at 6:43 PM on March 14, 2013


What? WHAT?? Who wants this?

Hatsune Miku fans, I reckon. I don't think Japan can be reduced to overall otakuness. Nor can the fanbase be reduced to people just masturbating over her, for that matter. Independent musicians can, with little cost, not only have vocals but a vocalist. Artists doing animation work can utilize the basic model to make videos for these songs. Her repertoire is limited only to the number of musicians using the software. She is a community creation, and her continued existence is fueled by a creative force. I think that's a beautiful thing.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:54 PM on March 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


It's just a pastry recontextualized with LOLJapanamirite.

I am the first person to get fighty about WTFTLOLJapan posts, but, dammit, those danishes look suggestive... suggestively enticing. I'm not even sure what I would do alone in a room with those danishes.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:12 PM on March 14, 2013


Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "I think that's a beautiful thing."
Would you miss her a lot? Forever?
posted by boo_radley at 7:21 PM on March 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


has gawker ever actually seen a vagina
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:59 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]


Hey, whatever, I have written plenty of music using Vocaloid software (including one song here at MefiMusic, 4 years ago) and I guarantee I have no desire to masturbate over the personified female mascot of a faddish synthesizer.

No, no, I mostly go for tried-and-true vintage gear. DX7II-FD-chan is notorious for being a bit tsundere but I would totally wreck that floppy drive. Don't get me started on MPC-2000-kun, something about his tough-guy rapper exterior just makes me want to rap on his posterior. Tried to have a little fling with Minimoog-san once, but she wasn't cool with my views on polyphony.
posted by jake at 2:37 AM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]


5 petal sakura is a traditional symbol. It's just a pastry recontextualized with LOLJapanamirite.

Yeah, I think it's more likely that they went for cherry blossoms and failed rather than trying to slip something like a penis cake into the mass market.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 6:07 AM on March 15, 2013


Instead of being exploitative creeps about real celebrities, the Gawker network is now being exploitative creeps about artificial celebrities. That's new, I guess.

> Yeah, I think it's more likely that they went for cherry blossoms and failed rather than trying to slip something like a penis cake into the mass market.

This is pretty much exactly it. The un-smashed pastry looks just like 5 normal open-filled danishes clustered together in a rough cherry blossom shape. The manufacturers didn't account for handling and transit (the bread is not packaged in a rigid box), so things inevitably get squished up, and we end up with juvenile LOLJAPAN snickering in the same vein as giggling over a smashed-up Arby's roast beef sandwich.
posted by PsychoKick at 7:06 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


bio of the Domino's Japan CEO in that app video. tl;dr: Speaks Chinese, came to Japan after success with Domino's in Taiwan with goofy ads emphasizing linguistic humor.
posted by mwhybark at 8:16 AM on March 15, 2013


Anybody else getting a creepy Mike Huckabee vibe from that Domino's ad?
posted by pickinganameismuchharderthanihadanticipated at 8:28 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love the grin Scott makes when he takes out his iPhone. The first time I saw that Dominos ad I played that bit over and over a few times, and giggled like a child.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:32 AM on March 15, 2013


Are those made in a bakkake?
posted by anothermug at 2:13 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: the pizza box will transform into a live dancing venue
posted by Riton at 6:39 PM on March 15, 2013


Yeah, I think it's more likely that they went for cherry blossoms and failed rather than trying to slip something like a penis cake into the mass market.

I finally found a decent page with examples of sakura kamon, the circular symbols used as a family crests in Japan. I think this is the effect they were trying for.

Note for those people who want to read the Japanese text, but see only scrambled characters, note that this page is in Shift-JIS and most browsers won't auto-detect it, so you'll have to manually change it (in Safari, View>Text Encoding>Japanese Shift JIS).

And yeah, I have seen more than a few unappetizing pastry-like objects in conbinis. This one isn't nearly so bad as some I've seen (or even eaten).
posted by charlie don't surf at 8:22 PM on March 15, 2013


No, no, I mostly go for tried-and-true vintage gear. DX7II-FD-chan is notorious for being a bit tsundere but I would totally wreck that floppy drive. Don't get me started on MPC-2000-kun, something about his tough-guy rapper exterior just makes me want to rap on his posterior. Tried to have a little fling with Minimoog-san once, but she wasn't cool with my views on polyphony.

Dude, you wanna check out my Rhodes x Fairlight fanfic?
posted by Tool of the Conspiracy at 9:40 PM on March 15, 2013


FWIW and for the record, if you look closely, it is apparent these food items were manipulated to appear the way they do (The red jelly center filling was removed).

Which says more about the people who did the manipulating of aforementioned food items than the makers I think.
posted by Skygazer at 11:38 AM on March 16, 2013


(The red jelly center filling was removed).

Now I have a mental picture of someone licking all the filling out, looking down, and thinking "Well, that was Freudian."
posted by restless_nomad at 11:49 AM on March 16, 2013


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