More Brown Than A Modern Shooter
March 28, 2013 1:08 AM Subscribe
Who could forget 1982's best video game for the TRS-80: Outhouse! Protect your bathroom and its toilet paper from alien marauders. Includes sound effects if you put an AM radio near the computer.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 1:32 AM on March 28, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 1:32 AM on March 28, 2013 [4 favorites]
Sure, these are games with toilets, but what about a game about toilets?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:33 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:33 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I always check toilet stalls in games, since I'm afraid something will jump out at me. Especially in Dead Rising, where the urinals are save points. In Borderlands 2 the outhouses have loot (but so does everything else). I remember some neat interactions with them in Deus Ex, and I'll never forget the one in Goldeneye, or the air vent above it.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 1:41 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 1:41 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
That's it then, "Rock 'n' Roll Toilet" is def. going on today's playlist.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 1:54 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 1:54 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'll never forget the one in Goldeneye, or the air vent above it.
I was gonna say, that couldn't actually be a GoldenEye screenshot because there isn't a proximity mine exploding in your face.
posted by cthuljew at 1:56 AM on March 28, 2013 [9 favorites]
I was gonna say, that couldn't actually be a GoldenEye screenshot because there isn't a proximity mine exploding in your face.
posted by cthuljew at 1:56 AM on March 28, 2013 [9 favorites]
The Skyrim one is not terribly representative. There is a reason there were tactically placed wooden buckets in every cave, dungeon and home.
Tamriel is a lovely place to look at, but it smells.
posted by vanar sena at 2:33 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Tamriel is a lovely place to look at, but it smells.
posted by vanar sena at 2:33 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
The Silent Hill games have a lot of weird toilet stuff going on. You inevitably find yourself in a run-down public lavatory, and you'll hear something strange (like a girl sobbing) coming from one of the stalls, and you know that if you knock on the door the stall will either be empty or there will some horrible damn monster in there.
They also have a weird running gag. In Silent Hill 2 your character has to reach into a dry toilet to get something. Then when you're playing Silent Hill 3, if you have a Silent Hill 2 save on your machine, when the lead character of the new game encounters a toilet and you command her to dig around inside it, she looks at the camera and says, "Why would anybody do that?"
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:18 AM on March 28, 2013 [5 favorites]
They also have a weird running gag. In Silent Hill 2 your character has to reach into a dry toilet to get something. Then when you're playing Silent Hill 3, if you have a Silent Hill 2 save on your machine, when the lead character of the new game encounters a toilet and you command her to dig around inside it, she looks at the camera and says, "Why would anybody do that?"
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:18 AM on March 28, 2013 [5 favorites]
Bioshock Infinite has the most precisely realised toilets in any video game ever.
10/10
posted by Sebmojo at 4:39 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
10/10
posted by Sebmojo at 4:39 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Whoa, were those things in Link to the Past really toilets? I thought they were pot recesses.
posted by ignignokt at 4:54 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by ignignokt at 4:54 AM on March 28, 2013
The first game toilet that I would have been aware of would be the one in Duke Nukem 3D, inside the adult bookstore; IIRC, you blow out the back of the stall to open up a secret passage. Even though this is a bathroom stall in an adult bookstore, there wasn't anything particularly skeevy about it.
Fast-forward to the absurdly-delayed Duke Nukem Forever, where according to game reviewers (I didn't buy it), the first accomplishment you can get in the game is to pick up a turd out of a toilet bowl and throw it. How many years did they work on that thing, and that's what we got?
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:01 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Fast-forward to the absurdly-delayed Duke Nukem Forever, where according to game reviewers (I didn't buy it), the first accomplishment you can get in the game is to pick up a turd out of a toilet bowl and throw it. How many years did they work on that thing, and that's what we got?
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:01 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Man, I just have not played many videogames.
posted by Legomancer at 5:11 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by Legomancer at 5:11 AM on March 28, 2013
Needs more Leisure Suit Larry.
(p.s. Ken sent me)
posted by Pinback at 5:14 AM on March 28, 2013 [3 favorites]
(p.s. Ken sent me)
posted by Pinback at 5:14 AM on March 28, 2013 [3 favorites]
Whoa, were those things in Link to the Past really toilets? I thought they were pot recesses.
posted by ignignokt at 7:54 AM on March 28 [+] [!]
I came in to post the same thing, I figured it was an oven or kiln or something; especially considering that thing wasn't a common element found in the houses around Hyrule.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:22 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ignignokt at 7:54 AM on March 28 [+] [!]
I came in to post the same thing, I figured it was an oven or kiln or something; especially considering that thing wasn't a common element found in the houses around Hyrule.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:22 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Looks like the Borderlands 2 toilet screenshot was taken without PhysX enabled. Turn it on and they become disgusting geysers of brown shiny chunky stuff that just make you want to back away and think twice about picking up the loot found in them.
posted by Foosnark at 5:30 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Foosnark at 5:30 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Jet Set Willy! The starting screen, no less.
posted by Jimbob at 5:40 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Jimbob at 5:40 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Why is slaughter in a toilet stall such a common trope in video games?
posted by slogger at 6:16 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by slogger at 6:16 AM on March 28, 2013
Slender:The Invasion is just a wee bit too eponysterical...
posted by symbioid at 6:37 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by symbioid at 6:37 AM on March 28, 2013
Man, they put Skyrim in there and then just choose some random bucket, and not the Best Easter Egg Bathroom of All Time? I don't remember where it is- some random Forsworn hideout, I think, but you go into this one room and there's a stretched-out-sheepskin partition blocking off a corner, and behind it is a bucket, a potion of Regenerate Stamina, a potion of Fortify One-Handed, and a copy of The Lusty Argonian Maid.
Damn it, now I need to go play Skyrim again.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 6:44 AM on March 28, 2013 [9 favorites]
Damn it, now I need to go play Skyrim again.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 6:44 AM on March 28, 2013 [9 favorites]
I remember playing Fallout 3 and going to the supermarket, and there's raiders there, and their bathrooms are full of loot.
Every bathroom after that one was such a disappointment.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:16 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Every bathroom after that one was such a disappointment.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:16 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
There's an NCIS video game.
posted by dirigibleman at 7:41 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by dirigibleman at 7:41 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Blazecock Pileon: Sure, these are games with toilets, but what about a game about toilets?Well it's called Half-Life 2: Deathmatch.
posted by Western Infidels at 7:48 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
There's almost always loot in Fallout 3 bathrooms - often a health kit, or some drugs on the floor or something in the waste bin. There's a bathroom in one of the metros with a medicine skill book propped on one of the hand dryers.
Then there are the fun trapped toilets in Fallout 3 - toilets where someone has hooked up some energy cells (read: big batteries) to the cistern. You take damage if you use the toilet, but you can look into the cistern and fish out the cells if you spot the wire...
posted by YAMWAK at 8:08 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Then there are the fun trapped toilets in Fallout 3 - toilets where someone has hooked up some energy cells (read: big batteries) to the cistern. You take damage if you use the toilet, but you can look into the cistern and fish out the cells if you spot the wire...
posted by YAMWAK at 8:08 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Bathrooms in games are something of an inside joke for game developers. What's particularly funny is houses in video games are typically tiny, abbreviated affairs designed for game flow more than livability. Houses without kitchens, houses without bedrooms, houses without furniture, just little two room enclosures where the lighting and polygon rendering engines get a break. But they always make room for a toilet.
posted by Nelson at 8:11 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Nelson at 8:11 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ar Tonelico 3 (or "Ar Tonelico Qoga" as it's known in the Western release) has a toilet in Finnel's cosmosphere. It also teases at someone maybe having a poop-eating fetish... and I'll just leave it there.
posted by Yoshi Ayarane at 8:16 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by Yoshi Ayarane at 8:16 AM on March 28, 2013
I didn't see them here, but I must comment about the *&%^$ toilets in Theme Hospital (because if not here, then where?). I realize it's a hospital (and also a game from 1997), but does everyone really have to make the sounds of explosive diarrhea? OMG I hated the toilets, and always tried to keep them off the edge of my screen so I didn't have to hear them. [Yes, of course I could turn off the sound, but then I would miss the haughty British announcer, Doctor needed in Slack Tongue Clinic!, and Patients are asked not to die in the corridors.]
Of course if this comment brings even one person to the game, then my work here is done.
posted by Glinn at 8:31 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Of course if this comment brings even one person to the game, then my work here is done.
posted by Glinn at 8:31 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm surprised there's no Space Quest.
posted by jpziller at 8:37 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jpziller at 8:37 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Glinn, you've reminded me that Theme Hospital is available as a PS1 classic on the Playstation Network. Bioshock Infinite might get a break tonight...
And yeah, I blame the secret in the bathroom of Duke Nukem 3D for my obsessive checking of every. bathroom. ever. It so rarely pays off.
posted by yellowbinder at 8:48 AM on March 28, 2013
And yeah, I blame the secret in the bathroom of Duke Nukem 3D for my obsessive checking of every. bathroom. ever. It so rarely pays off.
posted by yellowbinder at 8:48 AM on March 28, 2013
I seem to recall launching grenades over bathroom stall doors to kill bad guys in SHADOW WARRIOR. That was very satisfying.
posted by brundlefly at 9:03 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by brundlefly at 9:03 AM on March 28, 2013
Sure, these are games with toilets, but what about a game about toilets?
Don't forget about Don't Shit Your Pants.
posted by daniel_charms at 9:04 AM on March 28, 2013
Don't forget about Don't Shit Your Pants.
posted by daniel_charms at 9:04 AM on March 28, 2013
Goddammit Half Life 2 is nine years old I can't stand it arghhhh
posted by Decani at 9:15 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Decani at 9:15 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I went through the whole thing looking for a screenshot of a text description of a toilet from Infocom's Planetfall, which I believe was the first of their games to have bathrooms.
posted by egypturnash at 9:33 AM on March 28, 2013
posted by egypturnash at 9:33 AM on March 28, 2013
I love the Fallout 3/NV health mechanic where you gain health by drinking out of the toilet. It's almost never needed and even less often the optimal choice, but hilarious. Plus the difficulty in grabbing an item vs. drinking adds to the effect, as Rhaomi's comic portrays.
posted by jclarkin at 10:11 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jclarkin at 10:11 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
They missed the toilets in the Postal series. Nasty!
Also, how can anyone mention toilets in a video game without reference to Neil Manke? He added working toilets to his mods.
posted by annsunny at 11:01 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, how can anyone mention toilets in a video game without reference to Neil Manke? He added working toilets to his mods.
posted by annsunny at 11:01 AM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Silent Hill is under represented. I think you could do a whole site on the toilets of the Silent Hill series.
posted by bongo_x at 1:41 PM on March 28, 2013
posted by bongo_x at 1:41 PM on March 28, 2013
Blazecock Pileon: Sure, these are games with toilets, but what about a game about toilets?
You can play as a toilet in Saints Row 3, after you reach a certain point.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 4:53 PM on March 28, 2013
You can play as a toilet in Saints Row 3, after you reach a certain point.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 4:53 PM on March 28, 2013
They forgot the scene in Banjo Kazooie where you turn into a pumpkin small enough to fit into a toilet and flush yourself down.
posted by edbles at 4:55 PM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by edbles at 4:55 PM on March 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Halloween Jack: The first toilet in Duke Nuke'em 3D was in the movie theater in the first level. There was only a male one as putting in two killed the FPS.
You are thinking of the porn shop in level 2, where you hit a switch somewhere and it opened up a passage from the very skeevy viewing booths at the back of the porn shop.
Nelson: And yet we still get a lot of games without bathrooms. They are getting better at this, true, but there wasn't a single bathroom in Mass Effect 1, and Mass Effect 2 had some, but had some problems with them (For example: There is only a male bathroom in the nightclub on the Citadel (The one where Jack relates her disturbing story when you enter it), and none in the Afterlife nightclub on Omega. Your ship finally gets bathrooms in ME2, but to the relief of the crew.
I'm trying to think of other games, but I've not been playing many where you go inside as of late. Assassins Creed 2 lacks bathrooms, but they could have still been on chamber pots, so that could be accurate. Baldur's Gate lacks toilets, but that could be for the same reason, though I do note it also lacks outhouses.
posted by Canageek at 9:05 AM on April 2, 2013
You are thinking of the porn shop in level 2, where you hit a switch somewhere and it opened up a passage from the very skeevy viewing booths at the back of the porn shop.
Nelson: And yet we still get a lot of games without bathrooms. They are getting better at this, true, but there wasn't a single bathroom in Mass Effect 1, and Mass Effect 2 had some, but had some problems with them (For example: There is only a male bathroom in the nightclub on the Citadel (The one where Jack relates her disturbing story when you enter it), and none in the Afterlife nightclub on Omega. Your ship finally gets bathrooms in ME2, but to the relief of the crew.
I'm trying to think of other games, but I've not been playing many where you go inside as of late. Assassins Creed 2 lacks bathrooms, but they could have still been on chamber pots, so that could be accurate. Baldur's Gate lacks toilets, but that could be for the same reason, though I do note it also lacks outhouses.
posted by Canageek at 9:05 AM on April 2, 2013
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posted by XMLicious at 1:17 AM on March 28, 2013 [2 favorites]