Dodgson, Dodgson, we've got Dodgson here!

March 29, 2013 12:25 PM

In anticipation of next week's 20th anniversary release of Jurassic Park 3D, Vulture rates the Jurassic Park dinosaurs, from worst to first.
posted by roomthreeseventeen (45 comments total)

We Must Stop This Fourth "Jurassic Park" Movie
posted by homunculus at 12:36 PM on March 29, 2013

I want to hug that triceratops so bad.
posted by griphus at 12:40 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

As a kid, I called the spitty one "Diddily-op-a-saurus."
posted by The Notorious SRD at 12:48 PM on March 29, 2013

Wow, that Vulture headline writer needs to have their pay docked. Every Single Dinosaur in Jurassic Park, From Worst to Best is a huge lie. But I suppose Several Individual Dinosaurs and many of the Species of Dinosaur in Jurassic Park that we Felt Like Talking About, From Mehst to Best would have been a bit long.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:49 PM on March 29, 2013 [6 favorites]

...From Mehst to Best
posted by griphus at 12:50 PM on March 29, 2013 [6 favorites]

Any word on whether Spielberg managed to resist the urge to walkie-talkie some feathers into the re-release?

Also: That pulldown on the Jurassic Park site is a real head-scratcher. "Please Select A Country: Belgium | Taiwan | United States."
posted by Sys Rq at 12:50 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

The Dying Symbolism of Jurassic Park
posted by brundlefly at 12:58 PM on March 29, 2013 [9 favorites]

You know the raptors are badass because they got Samuel L. Jackson.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:03 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

...I just remembered that I had a friend who saw the movie before I did and said his favorite dinosaurs were the pterodactyls. After I saw it I told him there weren't any pterodactyls and what was he talking about.

'When they're leaving at the end! In the helicopter! They look down and see all those pterodactyls flying away from the island!'

So long story short I guess what I'm saying is that to impress a ten-year old you really only need some pelicans.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:07 PM on March 29, 2013 [10 favorites]

Pterodactyls aren't even dinosaurs.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:08 PM on March 29, 2013 [3 favorites]

oh goody, an excuse to watch Jurassic Park again!!
posted by supermedusa at 1:13 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Seriously, the best moment of Jurassic Park is when Nedry wipes the shaving cream on the slice of pie on the serving tray next to him, like it's just some whipped cream on top. Brilliant comedic interlude.
posted by Existential Dread at 1:18 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Sys Rq: "Pterodactyls aren't even dinosaurs."

Hell, that ain't even the proper term! See the first section here.
posted by brundlefly at 1:20 PM on March 29, 2013

But I suppose Several Individual Dinosaurs and many of the Species of Dinosaur in Jurassic Park that we Felt Like Talking About,

Did they leave any species out? I can't spot any omissions, unless you're going to count the embryos Nedry steals, or consider each raptor as a distinct individual.
posted by ShutterBun at 1:22 PM on March 29, 2013

So long story short I guess what I'm saying is that to impress a ten-year old you really only need some pelicans.

In 6th grade, on Halloween, our English teacher read the chapter in the novel that details one of the characters being eviscerated by one of the dinosaurs.

So pelicans and violence.
posted by griphus at 1:24 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Why Doesn't Anyone Like The Lost World: Jurassic Park?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:27 PM on March 29, 2013 [4 favorites]

Dan Telfer: Best Dinosaur
posted by The Whelk at 1:36 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

I've always dug the hell out of The Lost World. Jurassic Park 3, on the other hand, feels like a thoughtless DTV sequel.
posted by brundlefly at 1:46 PM on March 29, 2013

I hope everyone in this thread has been watching the excellent behind-the-scenes stuff from the Stan Winston School showing how the dinosaur puppets were created (raptors, brachiosaurus, diolophosaurus and T-Rex). It absolutely blows my mind how much dedicated hard work went into making them, even the ones which were only on screen for a couple of scenes. Incredible.
posted by fight or flight at 1:48 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Did they leave any species out? I can't spot any omissions, unless you're going to count the embryos Nedry steals, or consider each raptor as a distinct individual.

No, you're right. False memory on my part. Since the Compys appeared in the book I always remember them as if they appear in the first movie, but they actually don't show up until Lost World.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:50 PM on March 29, 2013

The Lost World is a very fun-campy sequel/adventure story

3 is just ..unwatchablle.
posted by The Whelk at 1:52 PM on March 29, 2013

Hold on to your butts...
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 1:56 PM on March 29, 2013

Why Doesn't Anyone Like The Lost World: Jurassic Park?

I like that one! It's the one with the Schwarzenegger as King Lear gag.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:00 PM on March 29, 2013

You mean the movie that had the precocious child who could beat a raptor because of gymnastics?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:09 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

YES IT WAS AWESOME
posted by The Whelk at 2:10 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

In honor of the title and subject of this submission, I present perhaps the finest YTMND ever.
posted by headlessagnew at 2:27 PM on March 29, 2013 [8 favorites]

I like both of the sequels. This could be because I usually watch them in the wee, dark hours on whatever cable channel is running them while waiting for the pain medication to finally kick in, and at some point I convince myself that Téa Leoni is actually a Pterosaur. Which makes it pretty funny when she tries to eat Billy. I mean, come on - you think we don't see what's going on here? Also, Ian Malcolm is a Hadrosaurid.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:30 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Wow, you weren't kidding headlessagnew. That was a tour de force. You're the Man Now, Dodgson.
posted by good in a vacuum at 2:38 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

I like to pretend that Richard Schiff's character in The Lost World is actually Toby Ziegler.

He's grumpy in The West Wing because he was torn in half by some Tyrannosaurs.
posted by brundlefly at 3:07 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

20 years?

Guess that makes me a dinosaur, too.
posted by notyou at 3:15 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

While we're on the subject, I'll just mention that there is a Rifftrax of Jurassic Park available, featuring guest riffer (and MeFi darling) Weird Al!

Highly recommended.
posted by ShutterBun at 3:49 PM on March 29, 2013

They are all awesome. Because dinosaurs.
posted by arcticseal at 3:52 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'll never forget Jurassic Park 3 because it was the first time I saw a movie in theaters and thought, that was terrible. I knew I was no longer a child when I was old enough to know that a girl doing gymnastics to defeat flesh-eating monsters is just plain stupid.
posted by deathpanels at 5:11 PM on March 29, 2013

If it was good enough for Kurt Thomas, it's good enough for anybody.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:20 PM on March 29, 2013

deathpanels, that was the second one.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:26 PM on March 29, 2013

flesh-eating

I like how this technically applies to all omni- and carni- vores.

...I guess everything's a vore.
posted by flaterik at 5:28 PM on March 29, 2013

Any word on whether Spielberg managed to resist the urge to walkie-talkie some feathers into the re-release?

I'd much rather see feathers than 3D. Keeping up with current science wouldn't be a bad thing. It's not as though feathered dinosaurs look less terrifying.

(beanplating: the Jurassic Park dinos are featherless because of the frog DNA)
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 5:36 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

All the feathers got pulled out by the amber.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:37 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

They should reboot the franchise instead of doing a sequel. They can go back to the novel and build a new script from there with the latest in dinosaur info. That was part of the greatness of the original book chaos theory, a more modern understanding about dinosaurs. May e we could throw in bird flu or GMO debates and global warming as extras.
posted by humanfont at 10:28 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

Wow, that helps to put things in perspective. Jurassic Park is older the global warming...
posted by Arandia at 10:57 PM on March 29, 2013

humanfont: "May e we could throw in bird flu or GMO debates and global warming as extras."

That would probably not be too popular with Chrichton. Looking for that, I just found out he'd died, so he might not get a vote anymore.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:03 PM on March 29, 2013

The inclusion of newer science relating to dinosaurs was definitely part of the appeal of the book, and the film, for me. To this day it has increased my enjoyment of geese.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:17 PM on March 29, 2013

Pterodactyls aren't even dinosaurs.

My parents told me I could be whatever I wanted to be.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:52 PM on March 29, 2013 [12 favorites]

hey can go back to the novel and build a new script from there with the latest in dinosaur info. That was part of the greatness of the original book chaos theory, a more modern understanding about dinosaurs.

I don't think we live in an era anymore where Hollywood can make a "serious" movie with mass appeal like that. It's all just spectacle now - explosions etc.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:14 AM on March 30, 2013

You're talking about as compared to the 90s?!
posted by shakespeherian at 6:03 AM on March 30, 2013 [1 favorite]