this is ourselves: under pressure
March 31, 2013 12:13 PM Subscribe
It's the terror of knowing /
What the world is about /
Watching some good friends /
Screaming 'Let me out' /
Pray tomorrow gets me higher /
Pressure on people / People on streets / Day day de mm hm...
This isn't an FPP. This is art.
posted by HostBryan at 12:18 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by HostBryan at 12:18 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]
Someone is going to put an eye out...
And why are there so many crying babies in the backgrounds?
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:21 PM on March 31, 2013
And why are there so many crying babies in the backgrounds?
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:21 PM on March 31, 2013
I never knew this happened! I may need to start making biscuits.
posted by arcticseal at 12:22 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by arcticseal at 12:22 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
It's his first time opening biscuits and they start him with a tube Pilsbury GRANDS?
Whoa. Let the kid take a few rides with training wheels before you send him to the Tour de France.
posted by 26.2 at 12:53 PM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]
Whoa. Let the kid take a few rides with training wheels before you send him to the Tour de France.
posted by 26.2 at 12:53 PM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]
I am pretty strongly disinclined to buy cans of biscuits precisely because of this. I think someone would make a killing if they invented a non-exploding can of biscuits.
posted by Pfardentrott at 12:54 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Pfardentrott at 12:54 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am pretty strongly disinclined to buy cans of biscuits precisely because of this. I think someone would make a killing if they invented a non-exploding can of biscuits.
We balance each other out: I'm sorely tempted to buy a can of grocery-store biscuits just to experience the popping, which I hadn't thought about since I was a kid making biscuits in my Mom's kitchen. (And that temptation is strong, even though I have some unbaked home-made biscuits in the freezer right now, and even though I really prefer home-made. How could I have forgotten? I love that POP.)
So, at the least, it's a more complicated marketing question than either you or I would assume on our own. POP!
posted by Elsa at 1:02 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]
We balance each other out: I'm sorely tempted to buy a can of grocery-store biscuits just to experience the popping, which I hadn't thought about since I was a kid making biscuits in my Mom's kitchen. (And that temptation is strong, even though I have some unbaked home-made biscuits in the freezer right now, and even though I really prefer home-made. How could I have forgotten? I love that POP.)
So, at the least, it's a more complicated marketing question than either you or I would assume on our own. POP!
posted by Elsa at 1:02 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]
Ahem, not mine but the one I use :
2 cups sifted flour
2 tsp. baking powder
4 tablespoons butter or shortening
1/2 tsp. salt
about 3/4 cup milk
Sift Flour once, measure, add baking powder and salt, and sift again. Cut in shortening or butter. (this is where I use my hands by rubbing the butter into the flour). Add milk gradually, stirring until soft dough is formed. Turn out on slightly floured board and lightly "knead" for 30 seconds, enough to shape. Roll 1/2 inch thick and cut with 2 inch floured biscuit cutter. Bake on ungreased sheet in a 400 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. Makes 12 biscuits.
Not as entertaining, but there you go.
posted by The Whelk at 1:14 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]
2 cups sifted flour
2 tsp. baking powder
4 tablespoons butter or shortening
1/2 tsp. salt
about 3/4 cup milk
Sift Flour once, measure, add baking powder and salt, and sift again. Cut in shortening or butter. (this is where I use my hands by rubbing the butter into the flour). Add milk gradually, stirring until soft dough is formed. Turn out on slightly floured board and lightly "knead" for 30 seconds, enough to shape. Roll 1/2 inch thick and cut with 2 inch floured biscuit cutter. Bake on ungreased sheet in a 400 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. Makes 12 biscuits.
Not as entertaining, but there you go.
posted by The Whelk at 1:14 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]
I also really recommend you use shortening and not butter, makes all the difference in the texture
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on March 31, 2013
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on March 31, 2013
I liek Vanilla Icing.
posted by Slap*Happy at 1:29 PM on March 31, 2013
posted by Slap*Happy at 1:29 PM on March 31, 2013
The fourth link is adorable. The shock gives way to this eager gleam in the kid's eye, and you can tell he's thinking, "that was coooooooool!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:42 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:42 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yahoo Answers 'splains: The answer is yeast, this is the leveling agent.
posted by maggieb at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by maggieb at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
cut with 2 inch floured biscuit cutter.
Note: be sure to push through the dough down to the counter/board and then twist to cut. Otherwise you will end up with a ragged edge that doesn't rise properly because you have smoothed the layers together.
Or you could make drop biscuits, like I do, because I am lazy. I have an awesome cheesy drop biscuit recipe that can be easily veganified for those so inclined.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:11 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
Note: be sure to push through the dough down to the counter/board and then twist to cut. Otherwise you will end up with a ragged edge that doesn't rise properly because you have smoothed the layers together.
Or you could make drop biscuits, like I do, because I am lazy. I have an awesome cheesy drop biscuit recipe that can be easily veganified for those so inclined.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:11 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
Don't hold out, GenjiandProust! Let's have that recipe.
Also, I have endured much ridicule in my life for my fear of biscuit cans, so it's nice to know I'm not as alone as I'd assumed I was.
posted by broadway bill at 2:21 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, I have endured much ridicule in my life for my fear of biscuit cans, so it's nice to know I'm not as alone as I'd assumed I was.
posted by broadway bill at 2:21 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
To make drop biscuits, increase the milk in The Whelk's recipe to 1 cup and mix all ingredients thoroughly before using a spoon to drop them onto a greased cookie sheet, or if you're by yourself, cut the recipe in half and use a 9" cake pan instead. Do not knead.
that last part is my favorite instruction
posted by squorch at 2:36 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
that last part is my favorite instruction
posted by squorch at 2:36 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
As requested: Cheesy Scallion Biscuits (can be made in less than an hour, all work included)
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, plus 1/2 cup pastry flour (10 oz total)
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt (3/4 teaspoon of the regular table kind)
1 cup (4 ounces) roughly shredded cheddar cheese, preferably something nice and sharp
1/4 cup scallions (2-3 scallions, all the whites, most of the greens, chopped pretty fine)
1 tsp dried herbs (sage works well with cheddar)
1 cup cold buttermilk
1 stick butter, melted and cooled slightly
Directions:
1. Set up an oven rack in the middle position and preheat the oven to 475 degrees.
2. Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, salt, scallions, herbs, and cheese in the large bowl.
3. Combine buttermilk and butter in a small bowl/Pyrex measuring cups and stir briefly until it forms clumps.
4. Pour clumpy butter-buttermilk into the dry ingredients and stir until just combined (batter will pull away from the sides of the bowl). Do not overmix! 10 stirs, plus a little rolling around to catch the pool of dry stuff on the bottom should do.
5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
6. Scoop and drop batter onto baking sheets. I use a disher (maybe 1/4 cup?). Space the biscuits about 1 1/2 inches apart.
7. Bake the biscuits until their tops are golden brown and crisp, 12 to 14 minutes.
8. You can brush more melted butter on top, but I don''t find it makes that much difference.
You can mess around with the cheese and herbs -- cheddar and sage/basil, ementhaler and dill, I have even done bleu cheese and ham, but reduce the salt a lot if you go this route. For the vegan version, swap out soy butter for butter, use soy milk with 1/2 tsp white vinegar added for the buttermilk, I usually add a little more soymilk and then 3-5 Tbs of nutritional yeast instead of the cheese.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:45 PM on March 31, 2013 [8 favorites]
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, plus 1/2 cup pastry flour (10 oz total)
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt (3/4 teaspoon of the regular table kind)
1 cup (4 ounces) roughly shredded cheddar cheese, preferably something nice and sharp
1/4 cup scallions (2-3 scallions, all the whites, most of the greens, chopped pretty fine)
1 tsp dried herbs (sage works well with cheddar)
1 cup cold buttermilk
1 stick butter, melted and cooled slightly
Directions:
1. Set up an oven rack in the middle position and preheat the oven to 475 degrees.
2. Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, salt, scallions, herbs, and cheese in the large bowl.
3. Combine buttermilk and butter in a small bowl/Pyrex measuring cups and stir briefly until it forms clumps.
4. Pour clumpy butter-buttermilk into the dry ingredients and stir until just combined (batter will pull away from the sides of the bowl). Do not overmix! 10 stirs, plus a little rolling around to catch the pool of dry stuff on the bottom should do.
5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
6. Scoop and drop batter onto baking sheets. I use a disher (maybe 1/4 cup?). Space the biscuits about 1 1/2 inches apart.
7. Bake the biscuits until their tops are golden brown and crisp, 12 to 14 minutes.
8. You can brush more melted butter on top, but I don''t find it makes that much difference.
You can mess around with the cheese and herbs -- cheddar and sage/basil, ementhaler and dill, I have even done bleu cheese and ham, but reduce the salt a lot if you go this route. For the vegan version, swap out soy butter for butter, use soy milk with 1/2 tsp white vinegar added for the buttermilk, I usually add a little more soymilk and then 3-5 Tbs of nutritional yeast instead of the cheese.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:45 PM on March 31, 2013 [8 favorites]
biscuits don't use yeast. proper ones use a bit of baking powder...perhaps little baking soda. no yeast.
posted by shockingbluamp at 2:55 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by shockingbluamp at 2:55 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
In my personal lexicon these are called "pop biscuits," because they come from the thing that goes pop when you open it. There are three kinds of biscuits, therefore: pop biscuits, biscuits-from-a-store, and homemade.
I used to know a guy who loved biscuits but was terrified of the pop tube. Terrified. He would hand it to someone else to open and then leave the room, preferably on the other side of a shut door so he didn't have to hear the noise.
He's a paramedic now. I hope for his sake he never gets a patient who fell down and landed on an unopened biscuit tube.
posted by cmyk at 3:04 PM on March 31, 2013 [14 favorites]
I used to know a guy who loved biscuits but was terrified of the pop tube. Terrified. He would hand it to someone else to open and then leave the room, preferably on the other side of a shut door so he didn't have to hear the noise.
He's a paramedic now. I hope for his sake he never gets a patient who fell down and landed on an unopened biscuit tube.
posted by cmyk at 3:04 PM on March 31, 2013 [14 favorites]
biscuits don't use yeast. proper ones use a bit of baking powder...perhaps little baking soda. no yeast.
Yup. Baking powder, plus baking soda if you are using buttermilk, to account for the extra acidity.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:13 PM on March 31, 2013
Yup. Baking powder, plus baking soda if you are using buttermilk, to account for the extra acidity.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:13 PM on March 31, 2013
Travis was the best. All his shock breathed in, and then just that quiet, kind of sweet "You a bastard" exhaled out.
posted by donnagirl at 4:27 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by donnagirl at 4:27 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
He's a paramedic now. I hope for his sake he never gets a patient who fell down and landed on an unopened biscuit tube.
Unopened biscuit tubes: America's Deliciously Explosive Menace
posted by zombieflanders at 4:45 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Unopened biscuit tubes: America's Deliciously Explosive Menace
posted by zombieflanders at 4:45 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Trigger warning: frightfully delicious
posted by the painkiller at 5:34 PM on March 31, 2013
posted by the painkiller at 5:34 PM on March 31, 2013
My family never used ready-made biscuit dough so I didn't know what these were like until I was living on my own and bought one on a whim, to see if they were any good. My reaction was much like Travis' but I only had myself to blame. That was 15 years ago, and I have never opened another one since. (I also run and hide when people pop balloons or uncork champagne bottles. What?)
This post pleases me because I can take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in my fear of biscuit dough tubes. Also: GenjiAndProust's cheesy drop biscuit recipe! Yum.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:06 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
This post pleases me because I can take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in my fear of biscuit dough tubes. Also: GenjiAndProust's cheesy drop biscuit recipe! Yum.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:06 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
POOM!!!
posted by supermedusa at 6:33 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 6:33 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]
I wonder if anyone has made a PVC cannon for shooting tubes of unexploded biscuits.
posted by maggieb at 7:09 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by maggieb at 7:09 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
Little tip for people who may be reluctant to try biscuits from scratch because "I don't want to buy buttermilk just for this and then have it sitting in the fridge forever" - I've used yogurt instead of buttermilk and it works just fine.
Also, you can make a batch of biscuits and then freeze the leftovers - then you can pull a couple out of the freezer at any time, throw them directly in a 350 oven for 15 minutes and they are perfectly thawed and reheated. If you have a toaster oven it's even more convenient (bake instead of toast, though).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:49 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, you can make a batch of biscuits and then freeze the leftovers - then you can pull a couple out of the freezer at any time, throw them directly in a 350 oven for 15 minutes and they are perfectly thawed and reheated. If you have a toaster oven it's even more convenient (bake instead of toast, though).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:49 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
Oh man. This is one of those things that makes me wish I lived in America. You guys have all the fun stuff.
posted by lollusc at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by lollusc at 9:16 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]
I remember as a kid, having to actually bang the unwrapped tube on the edge of the counter to get it to pop. Nowadays, they seem much more eager to poom, and you barely have to unwrap them.
posted by jvilter at 9:28 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jvilter at 9:28 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm genuinely interested in the engineering that goes into these cans. They need to be strong enough to hold the biscuits, but just barely, so that they will pop open when you peel off that outer layer of stuff. We don't have any of them here, mostly because we never have enough of a hunger for biscuits to have a whole can at once, but this post has made me want to try them out again.
posted by jamuraa at 10:45 PM on March 31, 2013
posted by jamuraa at 10:45 PM on March 31, 2013
Oh man. This is one of those things that makes me wish I lived in America. You guys have all the fun stuff.
Yes, in things like this lies America's greatness. My local store in Sweden recently opened a US-themed shelf with exotic imports like mac'n'cheese and beef jerky. Not yet anything of this caliber, but let's hope!
posted by springload at 5:06 AM on April 1, 2013
Yes, in things like this lies America's greatness. My local store in Sweden recently opened a US-themed shelf with exotic imports like mac'n'cheese and beef jerky. Not yet anything of this caliber, but let's hope!
posted by springload at 5:06 AM on April 1, 2013
I'm completely blown away that "poppin' fresh" dough tubes are something people fear. Home of the brave? LOL! I bet no one realizes the difference is in how warm they are when you peel off the label.
posted by Goofyy at 6:31 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Goofyy at 6:31 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
the real problem with having the buttermilk sitting there in the fridge is that you find yourself eating biscuits really...frequently! its a terrible thing
posted by supermedusa at 8:32 AM on April 1, 2013
posted by supermedusa at 8:32 AM on April 1, 2013
Oh, please. Opening a can of biscuits is no harder than opening a bottle of champagne, which is also not that hard. The key for both is that you need to stabilize the vessel before opening, and your puny hands aren't likely to cut it. Hold it between your legs when opening (or if you think that's gross, get into a crouch so that your center of gravity is lower) so that the release of pressure doesn't knock you off balance.
That said, the only canned carbs I like the cinnamon rolls with the orange frosting. Really yummy around Christmas time.
posted by Cash4Lead at 11:48 AM on April 1, 2013
That said, the only canned carbs I like the cinnamon rolls with the orange frosting. Really yummy around Christmas time.
posted by Cash4Lead at 11:48 AM on April 1, 2013
Dear god man what weapons-grade champagne corks are you popping?
posted by The Whelk at 11:51 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 11:51 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
The key for both is that you need to stabilize the vessel before opening, and your puny hands aren't likely to cut it. Hold it between your legs when opening (or if you think that's gross, get into a crouch so that your center of gravity is lower) so that the release of pressure doesn't knock you off balance.
That's your Rule 34 right there.
posted by zombieflanders at 12:03 PM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
That's your Rule 34 right there.
posted by zombieflanders at 12:03 PM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
Well it's either that or champagne sabering, but that's not really for amateurs.
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:18 PM on April 1, 2013
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:18 PM on April 1, 2013
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posted by box at 12:14 PM on March 31, 2013