An Emotional Child
April 8, 2013 5:36 AM   Subscribe

Reasons My Son Is Crying (sltumblr)
posted by azarbayejani (140 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
Well, if it's a ploy to get his parents' attention, it sure is working.
posted by chavenet at 5:38 AM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


Man, stupid babies
posted by Sleeper at 5:41 AM on April 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


Stage 1 (before having kids): Little kids crying all the time is a sign of bad parenting.
Stage 2 (have one kid): Little kids cry all the time and there's no much you can do about it.
Stage 3 (have more than one kid): Little kids crying all the time is a sign of inexperienced parenting.
posted by DU at 5:42 AM on April 8, 2013 [17 favorites]


I didn't need to see this. Why not? Because I live this.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:42 AM on April 8, 2013 [18 favorites]


I feel queasy at pointing and laughing at a crying child.

But the reasons are funny and so very familiar!

I guess I would have liked it better without the photos? And it is teaching the kid that his crying isn't taken seriously if his parents' first reaction is to take a picture, while at the same time he gets instant attention. Just my thoughts.
posted by Omnomnom at 5:43 AM on April 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Stage 1 (before having kids): Little kids crying all the time is a sign of bad parenting.
Stage 2 (have one kid): Little kids cry all the time and there's no much you can do about it.
Stage 3 (have more than one kid): Little kids crying all the time is a sign of inexperienced parenting.


Stage 4 (have more than enough kids): Can you see what's up with your brother? Thanks.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:44 AM on April 8, 2013 [84 favorites]


In an update ten years from now...

My son is crying because he found this tumblr.
posted by charred husk at 5:44 AM on April 8, 2013 [61 favorites]


He is bad at eating yogurt.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:46 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


And it is teaching the kid that his crying isn't taken seriously...

That's a feature, not a bug.
posted by DU at 5:46 AM on April 8, 2013 [30 favorites]


And it is teaching the kid that his crying isn't taken seriously if his parents' first reaction is to take a picture, while at the same time he gets instant attention.

They probably would have discussed this thoroughly with him, but he started crying after they sat down in a circle because it wasn't a square.
posted by KMB at 5:48 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


In fairness, getting a drink of milk when one expects juice would probably be distressing to just about anyone.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:49 AM on April 8, 2013 [19 favorites]


I know what you mean and struggling to explain myself! But there's a difference between treating the bawling with mild disinterest and gleefully pointing the camera.
posted by Omnomnom at 5:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Every parent knows the difference between crying-that-is-to-be-taken-seriously (I FELL ON MY HEAD!) and crying-that-isn't-to-be-taken-seriously (I NEED MORE CANDY!). It sounds totally different.
posted by unSane at 5:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [32 favorites]


I wouldn’t let him drown in this pond.
posted by Tenacious.Me.Tokyo at 5:52 AM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


Kid is crying because his parents never put him in his car sear correctly.
posted by Abbril at 5:53 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Little kids crying all the time is a sign of bad inexperienced parenting.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:53 AM on April 8, 2013 [22 favorites]


There are definitely ways of telling a child no that do not lead to crying. But you have to see the question before the child does and divert them around it. E.g., don't bring out bags of candy and then deny them to the child. Just don't bring them out in the first place. And many other wondrous and diverse subterfuges.
posted by DU at 5:57 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm totally down with crying about the giraffe costume. Sheesh!
posted by hwestiii at 5:58 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


He is in a giraffe costume.

No jury of his peers would convict him.
posted by shothotbot at 5:58 AM on April 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


I'm 46 years old and I have been parent or guardian to four other humans who all cried thousands of times over absolutely nothing at all and I am always this || close to crying when the plastic cups don't nestle down neatly in the top dishwasher rack properly and instead just pop up when I push them down again so I know they'll flip over during the cycle and fill up with dirty water and I'll have to wash them again and WAAAAHAHHHHHHHH.

What I am saying, my fellow travellers through the bullshit that is reality, is that this Tumblr is therapy
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:59 AM on April 8, 2013 [21 favorites]


Don't worry dude, they get over it, you know, when they're 35 or so.
posted by fungible at 6:00 AM on April 8, 2013


Advanced players have another sibling take the photos in addition to inquiring about the crying.
posted by michaelh at 6:00 AM on April 8, 2013


Man, I am all too familiar with this! :(
posted by mrzer0 at 6:01 AM on April 8, 2013


There are definitely ways of telling a child no that do not lead to crying.

You are kidding, right?

Yes, you can do stupid things (like the candy you mentioned) that lead to crying, but kids wail at the drop of a hat. For example, because the oatmeal today doesn't have dinosaur eggs in. The solution (either NEVER buy oatmeal with dino eggs, or ALWAYS have oatmeal with dino eggs) is not a solution and is not helpful for a child (since in real life there are sometimes dino eggs and sometimes there aren't).
posted by unSane at 6:02 AM on April 8, 2013 [27 favorites]


Kids learn at an early age that crying can alter the physical laws of their universe. Goldfish crackers are not made in factories by stern Pepperidge Farm guys in lab coats - they are made by tears, tears that coalesce in the shape of fish that are crunchy and good. This is part of the Magic of Childhood that fades as we grow up. Even as Ultimate Reality begins to assert itself as the child grows up and tears no longer can transmute into Goldfish, it's still worth it to try.

If I told you that bursting into tears right now would give you a 1/100 chance at suddenly receiving $10,000, would you?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:03 AM on April 8, 2013 [82 favorites]


Thanks for the free birth control.
posted by bleep at 6:04 AM on April 8, 2013 [30 favorites]


Reasons Parents Go Insane
posted by sunshinesky at 6:06 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


The solution (either NEVER buy oatmeal with dino eggs, or ALWAYS have oatmeal with dino eggs) is not a solution...

Yes, obviously sometimes they cry even for no reason at all. ("I'm awake!") Although in the above situation, I would also warn the child at some previous time that there won't be dinosaur eggs. Then it isn't a surprise. That's actually the oftenest reason I've found for this kind of crying. It isn't that THING_EXISTS/DOESN'T_EXIST. It's that the child was suddenly presented with that fact.
posted by DU at 6:07 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


because the oatmeal today doesn't have dinosaur eggs in

There is oatmeal with dinosaur eggs in it? Now I want to cry.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:08 AM on April 8, 2013 [24 favorites]


DU, the fact is always "sudden" from a young child's perspective.
posted by sunshinesky at 6:08 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Also, I hope the final picture on this tumblr has as the reason, "Parents murdered in dark alley after taking the family to the movies."

Because after that, there are no more tears.

Just vengeance.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:09 AM on April 8, 2013 [35 favorites]


This is no big deal. Hell, I still cry for most of those reasons, and I'm older than dirt.
posted by HuronBob at 6:09 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


robocop is bleeding: "If I told you that bursting into tears right now would give you a 1/100 chance at suddenly receiving $10,000, would you?"

I'm crying just thinking of that.
posted by chavenet at 6:09 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: there are sometimes dino eggs and sometimes there aren't.
posted by chavenet at 6:10 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


I told him that Simon's Necronomicon is a work of fiction and, besides, dark incantations are to be performed after dark.

Pushing people down a flight of stairs is not an acceptable physics experiment in our house.

No, he cannot make an Harlem Shake clip wearing nothing but a horse mask and being smeared with blood.

Re-enacting the Milgram Experiment with his little brother and toys is not ok.

Similarly, Wednesdays are not Stanford Prison Experiment days at kindergarten. Sigh.

The Malleus Maleficarum is not an appropriate bedtime story.

It is not ok to climb into our bed at night, waking up daddy and whisper that you know that he is not your real father.

I told him that he can't lick family members' faces when they are sleeping.

No, he cannot conduct empirical experiments on his little brother as inspired by Malleus Maleficarum.

He will not attempt to write letters to Charles Manson any more.

No, we cannot have Charles Manson's parole officer as a dinner guest.

He can't call grandma the harlot of babylon and crawl away on all four.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:10 AM on April 8, 2013 [50 favorites]


Every parent knows the difference between crying-that-is-to-be-taken-seriously (I FELL ON MY HEAD!) and crying-that-isn't-to-be-taken-seriously (I NEED MORE CANDY!). It sounds totally different.

I'm not a parent, and even I can tell the difference these days. Pissed/offended/frustrated is kind of in one category. Scared/hurt is in another. Tired is in a third. That last one is tricky. But they're definitely distinguishable.

My wife showed me a thing on Facebook the other day which said something to the effect of "Babies don't manipulate. They communicate. Listen!" We were both completely gobsmacked. That's definitely true up to about six to nine months. Up to that point the whole eating/sleeping/pooping/puking thing takes up most of their available brain capacity. But some time around then they get to be devious little buggers. Just three weeks ago I saw a father tell his thirteen-year old "Stop hitting mommy." Kid looked straight at him and did it again. Kid knew exactly what was going on.

Any parenting or educational theory that fails to deal with the willfulness and contrariness of children, assuming they're just little angels, goes into the "Stupidest things I've ever heard" category.
posted by valkyryn at 6:11 AM on April 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


There is oatmeal with dinosaur eggs in it? Now I want to cry.

If you don't put the dinosaur eggs in oatmeal then the baby dinosaurs wake up without any oatmeal to eat. You know what happens then? They cry.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:12 AM on April 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


Reasons Metafilter is Handwringing
posted by shakespeherian at 6:13 AM on April 8, 2013 [15 favorites]


It takes a village to mock a child
posted by thelonius at 6:14 AM on April 8, 2013 [19 favorites]


thirteen-year old "Stop hitting mommy."

Please tell me what that either "thirteen" or "year" is a typo.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:15 AM on April 8, 2013 [24 favorites]


DU, the fact is always "sudden" from a young child's perspective.

Nope. When my oldest was very little, he had some favorite orange shoes. But they were too small and they didn't have orange in the next size, so we put some blue ones on him. WHAT NO I REFUSE TO WALK FIX IT!!!

Orange shoes back on. Followed by about a week of talking about shoe sizes, the fact that not all shoes are orange, sometimes we have to wear blue shoes, etc. Next weekend, try again. Unhappy, but not surprised, the shoes were accepted.
posted by DU at 6:16 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


They still make dinosaur egg oatmeal? I want to cry... tears of joy.

I wish you could get just the dinosaur eggs, like from a bulk bin. I would put them in everything.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:17 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


There was a great recent article on this: Why does my kid freak out? Short answer, kids cry because being a little kid is HARD.

"The toddler life is not actually as cushy as it seems. Sure, I’d like 12 hours of sleep a night and all my meals prepared for me, thanks. But 2-year-olds are also going through a hellish personal crisis: They have just learned how to walk and use tools, so they really want to explore the world; at the same time, they are terrified of what that world contains and constantly fearful that their parents, whom they love and trust to a terrifying degree, will suddenly abandon them. Oh, and those same parents? They’re suddenly barking “no” all the time, seemingly just for fun. What the hell?

It’s no coincidence that kids start having tantrums around the time that parents start enforcing rules. When you say no, sweetie, you can’t have that butcher knife, your 20-month-old has no idea that you are depriving her of this awesomely shiny contraption for her own safety. “Since it’s the parent, whom they rely on for everything, who is taking it away, it’s perceived as a withdrawal of love, essentially,” says Alicia Lieberman, a professor of Infant Mental Health at the University of California-San Francisco and author of The Emotional Life of the Toddler. “They don’t know your reasoning. They just know that something they were getting great pleasure from, all of a sudden, you are taking away.” The pain that this causes, Lieberman says, is similar to what we might feel if our spouse betrays or cheats on us."

posted by leotrotsky at 6:19 AM on April 8, 2013 [40 favorites]


So cut the little sucker some slack and, I don't know, stop mocking him publicly on tumblr for others amusement?
posted by leotrotsky at 6:20 AM on April 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


Hey, wanting things is hard, when you're two years old. And maybe it's not about the boots, it's about getting to or failing to put them on yourself. Etc. Most things my kid cries about have a real emotional reason. It helps to recognise the reason. Even if on the grown up scale it seems ridiculous.

And every kid is different, but being scoffed at just hurt my feelings as a kid and didn't have any effect beyond teaching me that I was dumb to have them. So with mine I try to just respond with a hug and say how hard it is to want things, and it blows over.

But this is what works for us, now.
posted by Omnomnom at 6:22 AM on April 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


I broke this cheese in half.

You monster!
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:30 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


we're supposed to laugh at this, right? because i scrolled through those pics and laughed like a maniac. if i'm supposed to feel empathy or motherly concern, then i think it's just been decided that i shouldn't have children. i'm a monsterrrrrrrrr.
posted by kerning at 6:31 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


see also
posted by orme at 6:32 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Orange shoes back on. Followed by about a week of talking about shoe sizes, the fact that not all shoes are orange, sometimes we have to wear blue shoes, etc. Next weekend, try again. Unhappy, but not surprised, the shoes were accepted.

Would it surprise you if I said all kids are different and this approach is totally impractical 90% of the time? My daughter is highly sensitive compared to her peers and even her brother. As much as possible we try to frame things for her well ahead of time to encourage success, but frequently our best efforts are in vain. More often than not, we can't spend a week preparing her for every change that will occur in her life, so she happens to cry a lot when the pace is altered.

I think your good fortune has affected your ability to tell that parenting is not "one size fits all".
posted by sunshinesky at 6:39 AM on April 8, 2013 [15 favorites]


Hey fellow parents! Let's not judge each other's parenting skills over the Internet, OK? Kids are complicated, parenting is complicated, life is complicated. Let's just try and have a little laugh about it when we can.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:41 AM on April 8, 2013 [44 favorites]


Reasons I EXPLOIT My Son FOR POPULARITY IN SOCIAL MEDIA Is Crying (sltumblr)

Fixed.
posted by Fizz at 6:46 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Let's not judge each other's parenting skills over the Internet, OK?

But he makes it so easy. Posting these pics publicly is an awful thing to do to a kid.
posted by mediareport at 6:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


mediareport: But he makes it so easy. Posting these pics publicly is an awful thing to do to a kid.

Well, I disagree. Parenting is really hard, and there is a real stigma out there to discussing in public just how challenging it is, and the parts of it you find hard, and the fact that your kids sometimes make you want to cry. There is a lot of pressure to be a perfect parent, or at least to present to the world that you are a perfect parent. The more we judge people for the ways they deal with the frustrations of parenting, the more pressure we put on that parent, and also on all the other parents out there that are just trying to do their best. So maybe putting all these pictures of a child on a Tumblr isn't the best thing. But by saying it is "an awful thing to do to a kid" I promise you have made at least one other parent in this thread second guess themselves for posting that picture of their kid having a bad day on Facebook that one time, and I promise you, they don't need that added stress.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:06 AM on April 8, 2013 [48 favorites]


I get the feeling that this is coming from a place of catharsis. Finding humor in the stressful parts of something and sharing that with other people going through the same stuff is a pretty time-honored tradition for dealing with stressful things.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 7:15 AM on April 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


Mine would be "reasons my child is picking a fight with me for no damn reason, maybe because he was bored," but that doesn't work as well in a picture format and writing it all down each time would just prolong the pain.

(Seriously, he will decide that me agreeing with him is a reason to get mad at me and start doing Incredibly Annoying Whining/Behavior. And it always ends with tears on his part. Does he just enjoy working himself up? Maybe he enjoys me yelling. I'm not having a good time, I can tell you that.)
posted by emjaybee at 7:16 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


My partner and I have some very challenging children, including a couple who are very sensitive--our oldest used to cry if he got a grain of rice stuck to his hand when he was a baby. We are often very grateful for our sense of humor, which very much helps when dealing with challenging kids. We both liked this blog because it seemed to us like a parent using his sense of humor to deal with a challenging kid.

I'm usually on the pucker-butted "this isn't funny, why are they being so mean to that child" side of things, so it is kind of refreshingly fun to be on the other side of the divide this time.
posted by not that girl at 7:22 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I do not have kids, but I, personally, have made adorable toddlers cry by:

a) picking them carefully off priceless stone artifacts

and b) refusing to let him lick the floor grates in the Elephant House at the zoo.

So this is hilarious. At least they don't have a mid-century modern house!
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:23 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Biggest meltdown of my son's toddlerhood: because we broke the hinge on his hamburger bun.
posted by SLC Mom at 7:24 AM on April 8, 2013 [35 favorites]


Oatmeal with Dinosaur Eggs
posted by unSane at 7:28 AM on April 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


Now I know how all the Tea Party members started out.
posted by CosmicRayCharles at 7:36 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'll give you something to cry about!
posted by cjorgensen at 7:36 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


But by saying it is "an awful thing to do to a kid" I promise you have made at least one other parent in this thread second guess themselves for posting that picture of their kid having a bad day on Facebook that one time, and I promise you, they don't need that added stress.

Ugh. Don't lay that on me. There's a big difference between "that picture that one time" and a Tumblr blog devoted solely to all of your child's momentary tantrums for everyone to laugh at. Of course there's stigma around discussion of how tough parenting is; one of the things I like most about AskMe, e.g., is the way it helps parents normalize some of their feelings about how badly they're parenting. My heart and sympathies always go out to those folks, and I love the support and advice those threads provide.

This is different. It's wrong, it's a terrible thing to do to the kid, and I hope he stops doing it. If simply expressing that opinion causes "added stress" to any MeFi parents, well, too bad.

Side note: Facebook has been blocking the site for obscure Facebook reasons.
posted by mediareport at 7:38 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Reading this makes me realize that my now-tweens cry for pretty much the same reasons toddlers do: the sense of utter powerlessness.

Incidentally, the same reason I usually cry.
posted by padraigin at 7:39 AM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


It is not ok to climb into our bed at night, waking up daddy and whisper that you know that he is not your real father.

"Oh, you come to me in my dreams and whisper things I wish were true! You are my favorite one."

He can't call grandma the harlot of babylon and crawl away on all four.
Have you met grandma?
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 7:41 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


mediareport: This is different. It's wrong, it's a terrible thing to do to the kid, and I hope he stops doing it. If simply expressing that opinion causes "added stress" to any MeFi parents, well, too bad.

Yeah, well, that's just like your opinion, man. I think there is a big judgey difference between "it's a terrible thing to do" and "I think it's a terrible thing to do". I know it's a fine point, and it may seem like I am nitpicking, but I think it's an important distinction.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:53 AM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Biggest meltdown of my son's toddlerhood: because we broke the hinge on his hamburger bun.

I'd pay you real money to teach me how to stop letting that ruin my day, and I'm 38.
posted by Mapes at 7:58 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


In any case, I know you are good people, mediareport. No hard feelings?
posted by Rock Steady at 7:59 AM on April 8, 2013


No, of course not. And if it helps, feel free to place "I think" in front of all of my posts from now on. :)
posted by mediareport at 8:01 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I think this is funny as hell. I have no idea why anyone would take it seriously enough to have an actual problem with it, or moral judgement about it. My wife and I, both caring empathic people, frequently laugh out loud when our son cries. We love him, we want him to be happy, we want to fix the world so it is not hard for him to be happy, but sometimes his insistence that the world is screwing him over (voiced through crying) is funny.
posted by OmieWise at 8:05 AM on April 8, 2013 [19 favorites]


Please tell me what that either "thirteen" or "year" is a typo.

Yep. Should be "month". Dammit.
posted by valkyryn at 8:06 AM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


robocop is bleeding: If I told you that bursting into tears right now would give you a 1/100 chance at suddenly receiving $10,000, would you?
JUST IN CASE that isn't a hypothetical... I happen to be sobbing great gobs of salt water.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:07 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ha ha he'll get his revenge, tumblng mommy in the Alzheimer's ward.
posted by surplus at 8:10 AM on April 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


I am fortunate that my daughter's fake crying is terrible. When you ask her what's wrong (while trying not to laugh), she'll just say "I'm just crying! I'm real sad! Waaaah!", and that last thing isn't making a crying noise, it's just her saying "Waaaah".

The devious toddlers learn to make you laugh while they are being bad. She regularly gives us a look that says "We both know you want to laugh at what I'm doing, so why don't you just laugh? Also I want a cookie." That is far more effective than crying.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 8:15 AM on April 8, 2013 [17 favorites]


mediareport: And if it helps, feel free to place "I think" in front of all of my posts from now on.

Ha. I'll work on a Greasemonkey script now. As the parent of a really challenging infant, I had a hard time talking to people (even my awesome spouse) about my difficulties with parenting, so this is something I'm pretty sensitive to.

And in case it helps other parents in the thread, my terrible infant has grown up to become an awesome, easy-to-parent kiddo who is going to be interviewed on the news this week about an art exhibit she is a volunteer docent for!
posted by Rock Steady at 8:16 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


DU: It isn't that THING_EXISTS/DOESN'T_EXIST. It's that the child was suddenly presented with that fact.

Yeah, prep work is important. Lectures are my go-to tantrum prevention tool. I have prevented most "BUT I REALLY WANT THAT TOY" fits at the store by explaining, for the entire duration of the car ride there, that we are NOT buying any toys today. We are going for THIS or THAT specific thing.

Of course, after you lay the groundwork, subsequent lectures can just hit the key points. The important thing is that you set up their expectations properly.

This town is a part of us all. A part of us all. A part of us all. I'm sorry to repeat myself but it will help you remember.
posted by history_denier at 8:31 AM on April 8, 2013


Poor kid. I too, have lived this, but I wager that *this* list hit closer to home for our family.
posted by PuppyCat at 8:46 AM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't know about this. I have a lot of bad memories of my dad laughing at me when I was crying over something that was truly important to me and feeling utterly betrayed and alone. Later, he remarried and had another kid, and I remember one time when she was upset over something silly and crying under a table, and I laughed at her, and the look she gave me I've never forgotten. I feel terrible about it to this day. There are ways to treat a kid's crying lightly without mocking them. Maybe this guy has a way of finessing it that makes it less hurtful than what my dad did. I hope so.
posted by HotToddy at 8:53 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm not a parent, but my hackles always rise a little sympathetically on behalf of my friends and family who are when I hear people saying "all you have to do is..." when it comes to parenting advice. 99 times out of 100 what that really means is "I was lucky enough to have a kid who responds well to X" not "I'm a supergenius who figured out the KEY TO THE MYSTERY OF RAISING CHILDREN." Some kids take life hard and no amount of clever ground-preparing or what have you is going to make a difference. If you lucked into getting kids with reasonably even temperaments who are reasonably easily placated you should spend a lot more time thanking the gods for your luck and a lot less patting yourself on the back for your super-awesome parenting skills.

I've seen plenty of cases of parents who had a nice, easy biddable child who were full of pride at how clever they were at this whole parenting game, and full of contempt/pity for parents whose kids threw epic screaming tantrums in the checkout aisle at the supermarket etc.--only to find with kid #2 or 3 that suddenly everything that worked like a charm on the biddable baby was completely useless with the cranky one. I've also seen the opposite scenario. The simple truth is that we are not born as blank slates, and parents often have much less impact in "forming" their child's behaviors than they imagine.
posted by yoink at 8:55 AM on April 8, 2013 [33 favorites]


Trust me. How your kid is at 1 or 2 years of age has absolutely NO bearing on how they will be at 16.
posted by Kokopuff at 8:59 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


I give my kids (6 and 3) a lot of choices. Instead of saying "Ok it's time to go inside now" (resulting in a tantrum for sure), I'll say "Would you rather go inside in 2 minutes or in 5 minutes?". Then 5 minutes later, USUALLY I manage to get them inside tantrum free. Of course some tantrums are unavoidable (no I won't let you walk in the middle of the street). It's getting better as they get older, but my 3 year old still gets an epic meltdown every day over some reason or another (got pizza sauce on my hand, toilet paper ripped in the wrong spot, I can't have a cookie before supper...)
posted by Hazelsmrf at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2013


I broke this cheese in half.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:11 AM on April 8, 2013


This is funny because my kids are grown.
posted by S'Tella Fabula at 9:20 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Seriously, I was out to dinner with some friends and their kids last night, and their 2-year-old cried when:
--they attempted to put her into a child seat
--they put her cut-up fruit onto a plate
--they attempted to give fruit to her older sister
--they tried to give her a bite of pizza
--her sister did not share ice cream quickly enough (it was DRIPPING and had to be contained!)

The plate one really boggled my mind. This Tumblr is TRUE.
posted by leesh at 9:27 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


My two year old is currently crying because his banana is broken. By which I mean he took a bite out of a banana. Oh, wait, in the time it took me to type that sentence, he has now moved to crying because his sister's La La Loopsy doll will not fit inside the (solid, carved from wood, has no inside) Thomas the Tank Engine passenger car. Last night he was crying because when he turned a glass of water upside down, the water fell out. Yesterday morning, he was crying because I wouldn't put his boots on WHEN THEY WERE ALREADY ON.

Other reasons he has cried in the past 72 hours: because a bell rings when you ring it, because he can't have another vitamin, because I peeled an orange when he shoved it into my hands and said "Peel it orange," because I took his pajamas off when he said "Jamas OFF!", because Thomas the Tank Engine train tracks don't stick together if you put them together hole-to-hole instead of knob-in-hole, because I wouldn't let him play with a butcher knife, because I wouldn't let him eat raw chicken, because he couldn't hold five blankets at once, and because ice is cold.

This is awesome, and hilarious, and I am big into the "respect children as people" thing. They ARE people, but they are RIDICULOUS people! If you lose sight of that latter fact, you end up in the place where you are trying to reason with a child who thinks that a temper tantrum will alter the way gravity works. I'm glad he posted the pictures; it gives me a little faith that maybe I'm not doing it entirely wrong.

and this kid is the EASY one compared to his older sister. Seriously, I didn't even realize we were in the terrible twos, because compared to my first one, his tantrums are so minor.
posted by KathrynT at 9:36 AM on April 8, 2013 [85 favorites]


Also fun to remember: toddlers have no-to-little emotional control. Emotional regulation within the brain as a part of the prefrontal cortex hasn't really even started and doesn't complete until we're in our early twenties.
That fact makes it LOTS easier for me to deal with the little screamer who's decided, "No, it isn't bedtime, its tubby-time and why won't you let me get back in the tub I don't want to read anymore books and here's a finger in your eye!"
posted by mfu at 9:44 AM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm in charge of the Peapod order for the office, and I always like to have instant oatmeal available as a breakfast option. A number of months back I ordered a box of the dinosaur oatmeal.

The dinosaur oatmeal is great for a number of reasons: it's a brown sugar flavor that basically tastes like candy, the packets have dino jokes and dino facts printed on them, and there are dinosaurs in it. It's basically the best oatmeal ever.

Anyway, I ordered it (in addition to non-dinosaur oatmeal), and this is a sample of the responses I got from my coworkers:

1) This is gross.
2) What is this. This looks gross.
3) Are these dinosaurs? Gross.
4) I don't understand the point. Why would anyone want dinosaurs in their oatmeal?
5) Never order this oatmeal again. It's weird.

It was at this point I realized that every single person I work with is an idiot.
posted by phunniemee at 9:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [56 favorites]


My favorite toddler tantrum was a long series of I WANT I WANT I WANT demands, made while lying naked, on the floor (child did NOT want to be dressed,) kicking at the air. Exasperated, I finally said, "Well, people in hell want ice water."

Toddler replies furiously, "I WANT ICE WATER!"
posted by headspace at 9:51 AM on April 8, 2013 [46 favorites]


Thankfully I'm not able to remember any of my own tantrums (my parents assure me that I was much better than my brother), but good lord do I remember my little brother's.

I think our favorite one was that he would get mad at my dad for making his juice wrong (we cut Juicy Juice 50/50 with water to cut down the sugar and cost). Bro would throw a fit if you got the "recipe" wrong, but he could never remember which way was the right way. Apparently only my mom did it the right way.

My dad would pour some juice into a cup.
[High-pitched screee] NOOOOOOO WRONG WATER FIRST [sobbing]
So my dad would pour the juice back into the bottle, put the water in the cup first, then add the juice, while explaining that it's really all the same thing.
[still screaming and sobbing] MOMMY DOES IT BETTER THAN YOU [throws cup as far away as possible]

And then the next day, same thing, only my dad would start water-first.

Eventually, my dad just started making it out of eyesight.
HOW YOU MAKE JUICE?
Exactly the way you like it.
JUICE FIRST?
That's it.
[incredulous look, tentative sip] ...juice taste ok.
posted by phunniemee at 9:59 AM on April 8, 2013 [16 favorites]


My two year old is currently crying because his banana is broken. By which I mean he took a bite out of a banana. Oh, wait, in the time it took me to type that sentence, he has now moved to crying because his sister's La La Loopsy doll will not fit inside the (solid, carved from wood, has no inside) Thomas the Tank Engine passenger car. Last night he was crying because when he turned a glass of water upside down, the water fell out. Yesterday morning, he was crying because I wouldn't put his boots on WHEN THEY WERE ALREADY ON.

Other reasons he has cried in the past 72 hours: because a bell rings when you ring it, because he can't have another vitamin, because I peeled an orange when he shoved it into my hands and said "Peel it orange," because I took his pajamas off when he said "Jamas OFF!", because Thomas the Tank Engine train tracks don't stick together if you put them together hole-to-hole instead of knob-in-hole, because I wouldn't let him play with a butcher knife, because I wouldn't let him eat raw chicken, because he couldn't hold five blankets at once, and because ice is cold.


This actually made me cry laughing.
posted by sweetkid at 10:26 AM on April 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Despite all my rage, my oatmeal has no dinosaur eggs.
Despite all my rage, my oatmeal has no dinosaur eggs.
Then mommy will say, "Sweety, you can't have that every day,"
Despite all my rage, my oatmeal has no dinosaur eggs.
posted by codacorolla at 10:33 AM on April 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


I wish you could get just the dinosaur eggs, like from a bulk bin. I would put them in everything.

Seriously, don't do this. Do you want to drive the dinosaurs to extinction?

Think of all the children that will cry when they find out that they can't have a real dinosaur.
posted by cosmic.osmo at 10:37 AM on April 8, 2013


This is awesome, and hilarious, and I am big into the "respect children as people" thing. They ARE people, but they are RIDICULOUS people! If you lose sight of that latter fact, you end up in the place where you are trying to reason with a child who thinks that a temper tantrum will alter the way gravity works. I'm glad he posted the pictures; it gives me a little faith that maybe I'm not doing it entirely wrong.

Yeah, I actually appreciate blogs like this, even though the Monsters are Grown Ups Now. (Well, mostly. Younger Monster is 17, but acts like he's about 50.) Those first few years, when they were so wee and couldn't really communicate except by crying or freaking the fuck out...those SUCKED. When you're home with little kids all day long and not much adult contact, it's very isolating and that makes it so easy to doubt yourself and get it into your head that you're Obviously Doing It Wrong.

I wish these kinds of blogs had been around when the Monsters were small. (We didn't get a home internet connection until 1998.) It would have gone a long way towards easing my mind and showing me that I was definitely not the only one with mercurial, inconsolable-over-stupid-shit little beasties in the house. They grew up just fine, but gods were my nerves ever shot.
posted by MissySedai at 10:41 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: Thanks for the free birth control.
posted by brand-gnu at 10:44 AM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Thanks for the free birth control.

Can I just start doing this in all the non-parenting-related threads? Maybe I can tell people how glad I'm an that I'm not gay in every thread about gay rights issues, or I can talk about how I don't read comics/play video games in every superhero/video game thread? Will people think I'm witty then?
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 10:54 AM on April 8, 2013 [19 favorites]


MetaFilter: Because a bell rings when you ring it.
posted by The Bellman at 10:56 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Will people think I'm witty then?
Only if you're trying to be witty and are successful?
This blog makes parenting look like a nightmare of which I'm grateful to not take part. I'm sorry if you think playing video games or being gay can seem like a nightmare sometimes.
posted by bleep at 10:59 AM on April 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


I liked this, but I was wary about it being posted on Metafilter because it was guaranteed to get comments from people saying it was cruel or awful or a sign of bad parenting, or all three.

People post pictures of their kids on the internet all the time nowadays, and I don't see why they should only be of the good times. I think it's just as valid to share the less than idyllic experiences as well as the happy snaps. I especially like it because it shows that child-rearing isn't effortless, and that despite one's best efforts, a child can get horribly upset and that doesn't make you a bad person. I know that I became a lot more tolerant of, say, random screaming children in supermarkets after spending some time with my niece. Especially after she threw an absolute screaming fit because her water was in the wrong coloured sippy cup (she was two).

Fortunately, such harrumphing commentary has been kept to a minimum this time around.
posted by gadge emeritus at 11:01 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Is this the forum where we come to tell the tales of our kids and their crazy crying? Because yesterday my twins cried (and refused to go in the pool) for 30 minutes because they didn't like their new swim teacher's name.

Did they know his name?

No.

Because it was the first day of swim lessons for this session.
posted by togdon at 11:08 AM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


I normally take the stance that you should not post embarrassing photos of your children (see the entire STFU Parents archive as proof) but this Tumblr utterly charmed me:

1) My parents took several photos of me bawling as a baby/toddler, but even as a teen I could distinguish between irrational proto-me and irrational existential-teen-angst me. My age 3 meltdown in the corridors of O'Hare airport does not shame 13-year-old or 23-year-old or even 33-year-old me.

2) I assume his parents will stop the picture-taking pretty soon. If we check back on the Tumblr in 20 years and there are photos captioned "He was just cheated on and dumped by his first love" then I'll eat my words.
posted by spamandkimchi at 11:12 AM on April 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


because I wouldn't let him eat raw chicken

Psst. Kid! Just wait like twenty years! You can do this ALL THE TIME and your mom CAN'T STOP YOU! When she calls, you can say shit like, "Oh yeah, I got a new printer at work. So I guess they thought my old printer was substandard" instead of "GUESS OF WHAT'S IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW"

It RULES
posted by Greg Nog at 11:50 AM on April 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


I am not a parent, but I am uncle to a 2 1/2 year old who is going through what has got to be a scary period; where you're becoming aware that you have agency, but still trying to figure out all the "No, you're not allowed to do that because X" roadblocks grownups keep throwing up whenever you try to do something, or want something. Not to mention being at the point linguistically where you can understand conversations but still can't express what's in your head as fluently as you'd like. So yeah, who can blame a two year old for crying at arbitrary and inconsequential (to a grownup) things?

The first couple of photos were mildly amusing, but by number 10 I just felt tired, stressed out and bad for the kid and his parents, because goddamn that must be exhausting for everyone involved.
posted by usonian at 12:05 PM on April 8, 2013


cosmic.osmo: " Think of all the children that will cry when they find out that they can't have a real dinosaur."

Ugh. Nick Jr. airs a horrible show called "Dino Dan" which has its title character interacting with CG dinosaurs. The acting is terrible and the effects aren't particularly realistic-looking. My three-year old son watched half of one episode and asked for a dinosaur. So I asked:

"Where would you keep a dinosaur?"
"He can sleep in [his sister's] bed!"
"Uh huh. Where would she sleep?"
"Inside the dinosaur's tummy!"
"What do you mean, inside the-"
"Because it would eat her."

He was bitterly disappointed to find out dinosaurs are extinct. His sister looked relieved.
posted by zarq at 12:09 PM on April 8, 2013 [25 favorites]


I wonder if Honest Toddler would approve of this blog.

But then, Honest Toddler recently got a book deal, so there's that.
posted by jbickers at 12:15 PM on April 8, 2013


I just felt tired, stressed out and bad for the kid and his parents, because goddamn that must be exhausting for everyone involved.

I have a toddler, and man, I feel for her every day. It is damned tough to want to do everything by yourself yet lack dexterity, strength or height to do it all. It is tough to have to repeat yourself until people realize that "pasta" equals "rotini" and "noodles" equals "spaghetti," there IS a difference to you, and it's hard to say "rotini" when all your r's sound like w's. It is tough to want what you want and not understand why you can't have it. Every day, that poor kid is trying to suss out the rules and rhythms of her daily life.

That said, the first half hour after she's down for the night? I'm sitting on the couch, just wrung out from being the grown-up. Right now, for me, every day is great, but in a "I have just run a marathon and the accomplishment has wrung me out" way.

(This may be why the tumblr left me a bit cold. But if the guy running the tumblr is doing this as a way to keep things in cheery perspective, then whatever works.)
posted by sobell at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


but by number 10 I just felt tired, stressed out and bad for the kid and his parents, because goddamn that must be exhausting for everyone involved.

See, that's the thing. I already feel tired, stressed out, and bad for my kids, and yes, it's exhausting. At least this way, I know that someone else is in the same place that I am, and either we both suck or we're both doing OK.
posted by KathrynT at 1:06 PM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I am fortunate that my daughter's fake crying is terrible. When you ask her what's wrong (while trying not to laugh), she'll just say "I'm just crying! I'm real sad! Waaaah!", and that last thing isn't making a crying noise, it's just her saying "Waaaah".

A riddle I've repeated to my daughters many times:

Q: Hey, what's the difference between real crying and fake crying?
A: Really obvious.
posted by The Tensor at 1:09 PM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


It is tough to have to repeat yourself until people realize that "pasta" equals "rotini" and "noodles" equals "spaghetti," there IS a difference to you, and it's hard to say "rotini" when all your r's sound like w's.


Wotini! Wotini!

I have a nearly-two toddler, and I thought that this tumblr was both hilarious and not even a bit of a cause to feel like I shouldn't have had children. The thought of taking all of these tears seriously makes me feel tired. Yes, it is hard to be a toddler, for real, but it's also completely ridiculous, and sometimes I think my kid knows that. He also has a fake cry that goes "waaah waaah" and includes a sly look. And it's really funny.
posted by hought20 at 1:14 PM on April 8, 2013


The devious toddlers learn to make you laugh while they are being bad.

My just one year old niece (who is indeed freaking adorable anyway) has already learned to do that, as my mother told me. She was sitting in her high chair at dinner with her grandparents and wanted to stand up, which isn't allowed, so she sort of started too, then looked at my youngest brother to see if he approved (already knowing that he would be up for mischief), then at her mum, then at my mum to see their reactions.

And then of course she had a bit of a cry when it didn't work.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:30 PM on April 8, 2013


He also has a fake cry that goes "waaah waaah" and includes a sly look. And it's really funny.

My toddler's fake cry includes her announcing, very loudly, "I AM CRYING." You know, in case I've missed the spectacle.

The other difference: If she's having a genuine freakout over something, she's fine with finishing her meltdown by running into my arms for a hug. But if it's fake crying, then she's all, "No! No hug! I want to CRY!" Which ... fine. Come get me when you're done "crying."
posted by sobell at 1:35 PM on April 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


There is oatmeal with dinosaur eggs in it?

Truly America is a land of wonder.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:36 PM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


hought20: it's hard to say "rotini" when all your r's sound like w's.

My daughter had a boy in her preschool class named Wylie, and it took some Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra level communication for us to realize that he was NOT named Riley.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:44 PM on April 8, 2013 [17 favorites]


The other difference: If she's having a genuine freakout over something, she's fine with finishing her meltdown by running into my arms for a hug. But if it's fake crying, then she's all, "No! No hug! I want to CRY!" Which ... fine. Come get me when you're done "crying."

The move that always amuses me is when you see a little kid have a small oopsie of some kind and then look around to see if there's a suitable audience for a good cry or not. Seeing none, there's the option of getting up and carrying on, or of toddling over to wherever Mum or Dad happens to be and then busting out the waterworks. It's always a fight between a general "attention must be paid!" principle and a "but, you know, I'm kinda enjoying this game and if I go get Mum and Dad they might make me stop it."
posted by yoink at 1:51 PM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Song of the Toddler

Today I am sad.
My banana has broken
in two.

And my sister's doll
will not do
as I will it
to do.

Today I am sad.
I do not like his name.
And think
it should be changed.

And my spoon won't lift.
And my shoes won't fit
(on the wrong feet)
And when I said light on,
I meant light off.

And why oh why did you just cough?

When you know I am sad.
Today.

I didn't
want the zoo
when I told you
I wanted the zoo.

And so here I am,
crying
Boo-hoo
At the gates as you
try to pay.

And what was that about giving me away?

I am sad today
through and through.
Mostly
because
I am two.
posted by zizzle at 1:55 PM on April 8, 2013 [32 favorites]


Biggest meltdown of my son's toddlerhood: because we broke the hinge on his hamburger bun.

I'd pay you real money to teach me how to stop letting that ruin my day, and I'm 38.


I believe that an afternoon nap would at least help. ;-)
posted by SLC Mom at 1:55 PM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


it took some Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra level communication for us to realize

Oh god this. My older son, when he was two, woke up from a nap and announced he wanted "snack." "You bet!" I said, it was snacktime. We head into the kitchen, and I open the fridge. "Would you like some yogurt, or some string cheese?"

Him: "No! Snack!"

Me: "Yes, you can have a snack. You don't want yougurt or cheese? How about applesauce?"

him: "No, snaaaaaaaack!"

By this point he was starting to really lose it. Clearly, to him, "snack" meant something specific, and I couldn't figure out what it was. Banana? No. Goldfish? No. Every offer met with a tearful plea for "snack." I opened the cabinets and asked him to point to "snack." He shook his head. I opened the fridge and asked him if it's something from the fridge. No joy.

Finally, I said "We are all out of snack. I will put it on the grocery list to buy more. Would you like a yogurt instead?"

Him: "Okay."

And then he ate his yogurt.

I still don't know what he meant by "snack."

posted by ambrosia at 1:58 PM on April 8, 2013 [37 favorites]


ambrosia: " Finally, I said "We are all out of snack. I will put it on the grocery list to buy more. Would you like a yogurt instead?" "

Ye gods, that's brilliant.
posted by zarq at 2:14 PM on April 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


Whenever I'm worn out by hearing a child screaming in a Wal-Mart, or an airplane, or another public place, it helps very much to remember: they are absolutely right. The store, the airplane, the endless line -- those places blow. The only difference between me and them is that I have had enough years in the world to teach me that things will go badly for me if I scream.

The Malleus Maleficarum is not an appropriate bedtime story.

It is not ok to climb into our bed at night, waking up daddy and whisper that you know that he is not your real father.

I told him that he can't lick family members' faces when they are sleeping.

No, he cannot conduct empirical experiments on his little brother as inspired by Malleus Maleficarum . . .


reasonsmysonwilburiscrying.tumblr.com
posted by Countess Elena at 2:26 PM on April 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


it took some Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra level communication

In our house we refer to this as CSI: Toddler.

Also, the one thing that keeps me sane is something that I think I learned from someone here: it's easiest to just think of all small children as though they are instead drunken midgets.
posted by togdon at 2:34 PM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Therapy or a good nap.
posted by MyTwoCentsToo at 2:45 PM on April 8, 2013


Mean old daddy needs to put the camera down sometimes.

Also, what is wrong with drinking bathwater?
posted by glasseyes at 2:49 PM on April 8, 2013


I find the Jason Good post a lot better written, and it doesn't rely on actual pictures. Though, I guess some may prefer the specificity of the episodic feel here.
posted by herbplarfegan at 3:24 PM on April 8, 2013


The move that always amuses me is when you see a little kid have a small oopsie of some kind and then look around to see if there's a suitable audience for a good cry or not.

One of the experiences that most prepared me for fatherhood was one time watching my friends' toddler running down the sidewalk, tripping and falling flat on his face, and not crying or even looking especially distressed until he looked around and saw me.

Finally, I said 'We are all out of snack. I will put it on the grocery list to buy more. Would you like a yogurt instead?'

The same toddler was doing screaming naked laps around the house, and his mom whispered "I can't hear you unless you whisper." He immediately looked sheepish and whispered he was sorry.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:31 PM on April 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Best toddler decipher for me: little one was looking up out of the car window and saying "Bo-Bo. Bo-Bo!" Bo-boo is bubbles. It took me a second to realize that she was describing the clouds.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:02 PM on April 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


My husband's earliest memory is of being given a fudgesicle in a bullwinkle wrapper and sobbing because he didn't want to eat bullwinkle but he thought bullwinkle would be sad if he didn't eat him.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:37 PM on April 8, 2013 [17 favorites]


Also, what is wrong with drinking bathwater?

It's more what's in the bathwater after the baby has been sitting in it for a while. Y'know?

I found this to be so true to life as to be almost difficult to read.
posted by devinemissk at 6:20 PM on April 8, 2013


Also, what is wrong with drinking bathwater?

Nothing if you love butt soup, a doy!
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:11 PM on April 8, 2013


I am so glad my childhood is not a public internet document.

There will be a lawsuit within the next decade, in which a young adult will sue his/her parents for invasion of privacy and lack of consent.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:01 PM on April 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


I had a revelation at one point into the mind of my son. I had been working some late nights and was frustrated with how my son had been super whiny. My husband offered to take him out so I could get some me time and I just sat on the floor and started to cry because I just missed my baby. I was still dealing with some post partum hormonal stuff and the stress from work and I just couldn't deal with missing him. And then it struck me that that emotional overload was likely what he dealt with everyday in his little world where everyday occurrences for me are brand new life experiences.

I think the tumblr would be better with less pictures. One every now and then instead of for every post. I could easily relate to the posts, but the pictures made me want to comfort the baby, not laugh.
posted by HMSSM at 9:22 PM on April 8, 2013


Also, the things my son cried about today:
I wouldnt let him eat cat puke.
I wouldn't let him take the glasses off my face.
I wouldn't let him pull my hair.
I wouldn't let him pull the cats tail.
I wouldn't let him chew on his shoe.
posted by HMSSM at 9:29 PM on April 8, 2013


This morning my four year old started calling for me.

"What is it?"

Sniff, sniff. "My c-uuuup!!!!!"

"What's wrong with your cup?"

"IT MADE A NOISE! It's broken. I NEED ANOTHER CUP! A DIFFERENT COLOR!"

He uses the Munchkin straw cups and sometimes when someone is done drinking, the cups emit a little whistle sound.

Apparently, the little whistle sound meant his cup was broken.
posted by zizzle at 5:55 AM on April 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


My two year old son got some Duplo cars for his birthday, because he loves wheels and Duplos are awesome. He's not so good at putting them together yet - but he has elaborate design plans and uses my fine motor skills to execute them. (It should be noted that he has more than one set of Duplos and so "Winnie the Pooh's picnic" gets mixed in to the cars, explaining how the truck is seemingly being driven by a pot of honey.)

Yesterday he came up with a very grand design involving the door to Pooh's house, a chair, and a crane. It's quite impressive. Unfortunately, for a two year old dragging it across a carpeted floor it also falls apart very easily. And every single time it does, it's like the fall of the Roman Empire. No matter how many times I try to explain to him that his design lacks structural integrity, he screams until I fix it.

Also guaranteed to make him cry each and every single time it happens: closing the bathroom door. I have to brace myself for a tantrum every time I have to pee because even if I let him in with me, he's gonna lose it when I then leave and take him back out of the bathroom and then, HEAVEN FORBID, close the door.

Also also, there's this one spot in the alley by our house when we get to it that means "we're almost home" and he screams bloody murder because home is where we keep the bed of nails. Also also also, our playgroup is in a mall and there is one elevator (just so happens to be the one closest to playgroup - of course) that is evidently made of fire. Every. Single. Time. With the screaming.

All in all, he's pretty good as far as toddlers go but there are several times per day when I politely request that he develop a coping skill. Just one.
posted by sonika at 7:42 AM on April 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


zizzle: " Apparently, the little whistle sound meant his cup was broken."

"Daddy, the refrigerator is broken. Where will we get food now?" *crying*
"There's nothing wrong with the-"
"IT MAKING RUMBLY NOISES!" *hysterical crying*
"That's... just... the sound the refrigerator makes?"
"IT EATING OUR FOOD!" *inconsolable crying*

or

"Daddy! My book is ripped! I ripped my book!" *bursts into tears*
"Why did you rip your book? I have told you repeatedly not to... nevermind. Come here." *tapes book back together* "See? Good as new!"
"NO!! NOW THE PAGES HAVE SHINY SPOTS!" *hysterical crying*
posted by zarq at 8:02 AM on April 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh, yes!!!

"We need tape!"
"Can you fix it?"
"We need tape fix it!"


The horror that ensues when tape can't fix everything.
posted by zizzle at 8:24 AM on April 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


zizzle: " The horror that ensues when tape can't fix everything."

YES! :)

I have been thinking of this comic a lot, lately.
posted by zarq at 8:27 AM on April 9, 2013


Sort of the inverse of the fake crying thing: my daughter just took a toy from me, looked at me, and told me to cry because she took my toy. So much kindness. Then she put on my shoes and said, "I'm Daddy! Roar!"
posted by Elementary Penguin at 8:45 AM on April 9, 2013 [10 favorites]


This kid is at tumblr HQ today after going on Good Morning America and getting photographed by Humans of New York. Crying the whole time.
posted by sweetkid at 1:37 PM on April 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


sweetkid, I thought you were joking. I hoped you were joking. You weren't joking. Now I want to cry.
posted by sunshinesky at 7:04 PM on April 9, 2013


Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the GMA appearance or the rest of it. Kind of takes the shine off for me.
posted by OmieWise at 7:28 AM on April 10, 2013


Does anyone know when they are officially changing the name of Good Morning America to Buzzfeed TV?
posted by Rock Steady at 7:37 AM on April 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


When I was about 15, I was unhappy about something my parents were making me do. My older sister said that, since I couldn't change what was going on, maybe I should try looking on the bright side, rolling with the punches, etc.?

I stiffly responded, "That is not my way."

Unfortunately, I think I haven't changed enough since then.
posted by brainwane at 9:37 AM on April 13, 2013


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