November 28, 2001

9:18 AM

Whoops, turns out it wasn't Bin Laden who planned 9/11 after all; it was KOLVENBACH, THE BLACK POPE!!! Dispensational Fifth Monarchy Seventh-Day Baptist-Calvinist White American Freeman anti-Jesuit conspiracies, anyone?
posted by brownpau (24 comments total)

My brain's just exploded. I always love the fevered writing style of true conspiracy nuts. Yay!
posted by solistrato at 9:20 AM on November 28, 2001

Maybe he's right! Maybe the bold tag does go under used.
posted by skallas at 9:25 AM on November 28, 2001

Speaking of nuts, you might want to get your tinfoil hats on, because PLANET X IS COMING!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!

Thank you, thank you. I'm officially conspiracied out. Good night.
posted by brownpau at 9:27 AM on November 28, 2001

My vision of the end of the world involves every conspiracy theory being proven right simultaneously. Reality implodes from the chaos.
posted by solistrato at 9:31 AM on November 28, 2001

how can you learn to write like that? are there classes you can take online? a mail-order course maybe?

amazing. at least they use a normal font size.
posted by th3ph17 at 9:38 AM on November 28, 2001

Yeeow. He appears to have been typing continually since 9/11. I like his chart of "The World System in 1963"; where else can you find a link from Satan to Gerald Ford?
posted by coelecanth at 9:39 AM on November 28, 2001

A link from Satan to Gerald Ford? Nah... Now I'd believe a link from Satan to Ford, Inc (makers of SUVs and purveyors of green-washed PR tripe).
posted by silusGROK at 9:41 AM on November 28, 2001

ooh, masonic AND zionist!
posted by moz at 9:46 AM on November 28, 2001

his General Staff, composed of five assistants (each representing a hemisphere...)

So the world isn't round, either?
posted by donpardo at 10:15 AM on November 28, 2001

Of course the Earth is flat. FLAT, I TELL YOU!
(I do believe I am on a roll. :-)
posted by brownpau at 10:28 AM on November 28, 2001

Who put that blotter in my coffee?
posted by Mack Twain at 10:31 AM on November 28, 2001

I envy his world its three extra hemispheres.
posted by rodii at 12:09 PM on November 28, 2001

The Earth is flat?? Round?? 5 hemispheres? YOU'RE ALL WRONG.

There are 4 different Worlds
on Earth. Yours is 1 of them.
You're ignorant of 3 of them.
Such ignorance is damnable.

Truth is Cubic.
posted by mkn at 12:55 PM on November 28, 2001

Cubic world diagram has Jesus, Einstein, Socrates, and Clinton? One of these things is not like the other.
posted by hellinskira at 1:27 PM on November 28, 2001

Totally. Jesus wasn't real.
posted by jpoulos at 1:38 PM on November 28, 2001

Best. Thread. Ever.
posted by solistrato at 1:44 PM on November 28, 2001

Oh, and please tell me that Time Cube is a fantastically-conceived parody, and not real, because I CANNOT DEAL. I guess I was educated stupid.
posted by solistrato at 1:46 PM on November 28, 2001

timecube was lichened unto a tree
posted by danOstuporStar at 1:53 PM on November 28, 2001

And a tear forms in the eye of the yet unborn Einstein.
posted by Mack Twain at 2:36 PM on November 28, 2001

Some of my favorite parts of Time Cube:

God is a word masturbation.
A fart has more "substance"
than a human emitted word.

I have found 3 more 24 hour
days on Earth that educators
refuse to let you know about.

Life is based upon a perfect
math or your arm would be
too short to wipe your butt.

Public Warning: St. Petersburg Times is Evil for refusing to inform public about the recent discovery of Nature's 4-Day Time Cube - greatest scientific discovery of humanity…
posted by ferris at 6:08 PM on November 28, 2001

All this time, I thought I was the Black Pope.
posted by owillis at 6:21 PM on November 28, 2001

All this time, I thought I was the Black Pope.

I will accept your primacy if you can explain the following:

...according to Jeremy Glick, a deceased passenger of United Airlines Flight 93.

otherwise, it's African Shriner Freemasonican for you...
posted by y2karl at 10:50 PM on November 28, 2001

I think this article is a conspiracy by the creator of the bold tag...
posted by dagnyscott at 8:47 AM on November 29, 2001

Everyone knows that FIVE is the true number.

Cubes. How droll.
posted by rich at 2:27 PM on November 29, 2001