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It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand.
November 29, 2001 7:50 PM   Subscribe

It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand. Mayor of Florida town issues official proclamation...um...banning Satan. "Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever again will be, a part of this town of Inglis. Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens."
posted by tpoh.org (56 comments total)

 
I'm sitting here, straining hard for something witty to say about this.
posted by tpoh.org at 7:51 PM on November 29, 2001


Y'know, putting aside the blithe indifference to separation of church and state, and the big old governmental slap in the face to all the people in Inglis whose beliefs fall outside the bounds of Christianity, it seems to me like this goes out of its way to cheapen Christianity, too. If petty bureaucrats can just ban Satan and all his works, why bother to have a religion at all?
posted by headspace at 7:59 PM on November 29, 2001


That will show those evil doers.
posted by phatboy at 8:00 PM on November 29, 2001


Wait, don't you mean 'Evil Evildoers Of Evil'™?
posted by tpoh.org at 8:10 PM on November 29, 2001


Does this include Jon Lovitz?
posted by BarneyFifesBullet at 8:18 PM on November 29, 2001


Reminds me of the town that declared "Heaven-o" their official greeting because of the implication of the one most other people use. Take *that*, Satan!

I find the wording amusing though. She's declared him powerless. Didn't he get where he is in the first place by essentially for not doing what he was told?
posted by Su at 8:23 PM on November 29, 2001


As the Mayor of Inglis, duly elected by the citizens of this town, and appointed by God to this position of leadership, I proclaim victory over Satan

That oughta do it. Thanks, Ms. Mayor.
posted by diddlegnome at 8:30 PM on November 29, 2001


isn't this offensive to, say, satanists...?

imagine some small town renounced the christian god in majority, put some lines about satan on their letterhead, &c. &c.

in any case I'm doubting that a couple fenceposts are going to "take back" their goofy goth children that satan "stole" from them.

violations of church-n-state aside, does this mayor have any idea how utterly ridiculous her actions make her look?
posted by dorian at 8:42 PM on November 29, 2001


Worse, this silly proclamation was put into posts off the highway with the word "repent" spray painted on them, presumably bought with the city's money. The attitude I get from this article is that the mayor and the local pastor know they are overstepping their authority and disenfranchising other religions but simply don't care. Apathy may not be hate but it can have equal results.
posted by skallas at 8:43 PM on November 29, 2001


you see the picture of the posts? they dont look like they cost very much...
posted by atom128 at 8:46 PM on November 29, 2001


More silliness from Florida. It really must be something in the water down there.

I can just imagine the Prince of Evil chuckling to himself thinking, "now why in the wide world of depravity would I want to go to a brokeass place like Inglis?"
posted by MAYORBOB at 8:51 PM on November 29, 2001


does this ward off vampires, too?
posted by samuelad at 8:54 PM on November 29, 2001


Oh, and goth...uh...ness(gothitude?) has nothing to do with Satan.

I'm so goth, I fart bats.
posted by Su at 8:55 PM on November 29, 2001


you see the picture of the posts? they dont look like they cost very much...

Its the principle, not the real cost that's the problem. You know the whole separation between church and state ideal. What if someone donated a big crucifixion scene to put in city hall and paid for upkeep? It would be free and still wrong.
posted by skallas at 9:00 PM on November 29, 2001


sorry, didn't mean to bash goths, just to mock those parents who *know* that it's satan responsible, if their children happen to deviate in the slightest from the parents' bizarre "norms".

hell, my hair was blue for most of this year and conspicuously absent for part of the previous one...
posted by dorian at 9:00 PM on November 29, 2001


Kids in town, she said, have taken to dressing in all black and painting their faces white, a style known as Goth.

That's just so... cute! Go for it, kids - nobody bats a mascaraed eyelash around here anymore. It's kind of sad that there are still people who are frightened by a bit of makeup, but at least there are young folks with enough angst and alienation to give 'em a good tweaking.

su: got your VNV tickets yet?

-Mars

posted by Mars Saxman at 9:00 PM on November 29, 2001


Someone in town outta declare Elvis powerless. Bet that'd get her dander up.
posted by samuelad at 9:06 PM on November 29, 2001


What's all this I hear about some mayor down in Florida banning Santa from her town? Why, I never heard such a thing! And in December, too! How will all those good little Goth children get their presents this Christmas? No *wonder* they're all dressed in black, they're bound to be so depres ...

What's that you say? She banned *Satan*, not Santa? Well, that's very different.

Never mind.
posted by diddlegnome at 9:15 PM on November 29, 2001


I'm sitting here, straining hard...

Just like the politicians who proclaim poop like this.
posted by rushmc at 9:16 PM on November 29, 2001


[H]er office wall...is covered with pictures of Elvis...and a painting of the Last Supper."

So "Mayor Granny" loves Elvis -- the King of drugs, sex and rock-n-roll [and, of course, Jesus] -- yet she hates the king of sin? Maybe she's one of those "Elvis is Jesus" people... or something.

LOL... well, anyway, for some reason, all that makes me think of Cheech and Chong's "Save the whales, but shoot the seals!"
posted by blackholebrain at 9:18 PM on November 29, 2001


"I can just imagine the Prince of Evil chuckling to himself thinking, "now why in the wide world of depravity would I want to go to a brokeass place like Inglis?"

Satan then added:

"...when I'm so busy going back and forth to my meetings with Disney over in Orlando?"
posted by mathowie at 9:22 PM on November 29, 2001


This, from the state that spawned Fred Durst?
posted by GriffX at 9:32 PM on November 29, 2001


Apparently we should just scrap that whole first amendment thing, huh?
posted by Doug at 9:42 PM on November 29, 2001


"We've gone so far in the separation of church and state it's almost like Christians don't have rights anymore."

Can anyone honestly believe this, besides her?
posted by trioperative at 9:48 PM on November 29, 2001


"The greatest trick the devil ever played was to make people believe he didn't exist."
OK, thats probably not word for word, but, come on, anyone wanna' name the movie? damn good ending!
posted by jmd82 at 9:49 PM on November 29, 2001


I'm pretty sure that was 'home alone 3'...
posted by dorian at 9:52 PM on November 29, 2001


- Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey), from Usual Suspects.

Maybe this woman should also ban Kaiser Soze from the town as well. Oh, and while she's banning fictional characters, she should do a town-wide ban of the Easter Bunny and The Great Pumpkin.
posted by mathowie at 10:07 PM on November 29, 2001


Oh, and don't forget Harry Potter.
posted by trioperative at 10:11 PM on November 29, 2001


Let's git them goddam Keebler elf bastards while we're at it! Sittin in their trees and makin cookies all day like a bunch o goddam sissies. They make me puke!

And Snuffalupa...Snuffa...Snuffalopa...fuck it, that big damn hairy tree-fuckin elephant thing! Poisonin' our chillun's minds and...and...

Oh! I wet 'em!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:25 PM on November 29, 2001


Hmm

I'd like to apologize to the entire world for that last comment. It really seemed like a good idea at the time.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:26 PM on November 29, 2001


It's okay, I can understand why you felt like it was a good thing to do. We'll help you cope with the pain.
posted by trioperative at 10:27 PM on November 29, 2001


I just *snif* really need a hug right now!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:46 PM on November 29, 2001


Don't touch me.
posted by trioperative at 11:37 PM on November 29, 2001


mathowie-> you da' man
posted by jmd82 at 11:48 PM on November 29, 2001


Poor Satan, he gets such a bad rap... and now that he's banned, you know Inglis is the only place he's going to want to be!

This is going to come back and bite her in the ass, once the ungodly youth in the town hears about it and decides to make it publicly known that Satan is still very much alive and well in Inglis! And then what? I mean, if you can't get rid of the Prince of Darkness with a town proclamation, how in the hell do you get rid of him?

Her re-election committee must be shitting their collective pants right about now...
posted by David Dark at 11:51 PM on November 29, 2001


Well personally, if I thought I could get rid of old sluefoot that easily, I'd go for it.

Real evil aint funny.......

but I don't have anything against dyed hair-heck, burgundy is my dye of choice..........
posted by bunnyfire at 12:02 AM on November 30, 2001


Kafkaesque, I laughed out loud at your post. Good show.

But you're not getting a hug from me.
posted by Potsy at 1:48 AM on November 30, 2001


Metafilter: the community blog where you can't get a hug. Has it come to this, then?
posted by allaboutgeorge at 3:39 AM on November 30, 2001


Florida Goths. Ho ho. Imagine wearing bride of Dracula black and white panstick in 90 degree heat.
posted by Summer at 3:47 AM on November 30, 2001


Any future crime in that town will then be acts of god. The insurance companies are gonna love this. ;-P
posted by mischief at 5:23 AM on November 30, 2001


Jesus Is! Ministries in Inglis, Florida, has this goal: "Our desire is to see Christians become more and more like Jesus in the way they think, walk, talk, act, and in their moral mode of dress." They also cast out demons!
posted by Carol Anne at 5:30 AM on November 30, 2001


Someone should rent a devil costume and run amok in that town.
posted by rich at 6:26 AM on November 30, 2001


"There was this lawyer...Kobayashi...."
posted by adampsyche at 6:32 AM on November 30, 2001


And the movie was Dogma.
posted by rich at 6:32 AM on November 30, 2001


"We've gone so far in the separation of church and state it's almost like Christians don't have rights anymore."

Can anyone honestly believe this, besides her?


Yeah, it always amazes me how both Christians and non-Christians each seem to think they are a persecuted minority in this country. Of course, the Christians are in the majority and you hear Christianity coming from politicians all the time. On the other hand, you don't see many Christians on TV shows, except as objects of ridicule. So maybe that's why?
posted by straight at 6:43 AM on November 30, 2001


"We've gone so far in the separation of church and state it's almost like Christians don't have rights anymore."
what might that be? to tout your religion over everybody else's as endorsed by "nonbelievers" in your town. just because they voted you into office doesn't mean you can cater to your former clique.
posted by wantwit at 6:43 AM on November 30, 2001


hrm...same quote...at the exact same time. who'da thunk it?
posted by wantwit at 6:44 AM on November 30, 2001


Is this Mayor Quimby of Springfield?
posted by Modem Ovary at 7:38 AM on November 30, 2001


* hugs Kafkaesque *

(but only because he felt bad for Donkey when he didn't get a hug)

As for the Mayor... I think she's POSSESSED!
posted by Neale at 8:01 AM on November 30, 2001


i bet the next town over must be pissed...'cause now satan will have more time for them.

strange world we have here.

i dare someone to rent a Devil costume and pace back and forth in front of one of the posts ranting and raving about how unfair it is.
posted by th3ph17 at 10:21 AM on November 30, 2001


In the Mission district in San Francisco there's a dude who paints himself red and just kind of wanders around being all satanic and stuff. Very Santa Sangre.

Anyone know if that guy's still around?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:26 AM on November 30, 2001


Now maybe that Mayor would like to come over to my pad and oust my deadbeat roommate Carl. I've been try to get rid of that guy for months.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 10:30 AM on November 30, 2001


If I lived in Florida, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I ever go there for another vacation, I'm stopping there. But I'm thinking along the lines of getting a hearse and dressing up as Satan, and putting a loud speaker on top of the car playing Chicago songs backwards.
posted by trioperative at 11:33 AM on November 30, 2001


This whole thing gives me the mental image of Satan standing behind the Mayor, saying in a very reasonable voice, "You know what'd throw them off the scent? Ban me."
posted by UncleFes at 12:14 PM on November 30, 2001


Is this mayor really so bad? I mean, consider the alternative.
posted by Dirjy at 1:12 PM on November 30, 2001


Who voted for Mayor Church Lady?
posted by Down10 at 4:58 PM on November 30, 2001


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