"IS THIS THE END OF DAYS? PROBABLY."
April 28, 2013 7:56 AM   Subscribe

Because what the news reports hadn’t mentioned was that Gallinippers have quite literally evolved for the apocalypse. Their mummified eggs hatch during floods and eat their siblings first. Some even say they’re resistant to DEET, and since they suck down the larvae of competing species for nourishment, the super mosquitos are immune to biological controls. In fact, if you introduce a competing species to ward off Gallinippers, it only produces more Gallinippers. Gallinippers are born in chaos, and in chaos they thrive.

Huge Florida mosquitoes: Monster insects are called 'Gallinippers' - "Huge Florida mosquitoes the size of a quarter are set to invade Florida — if the rainy season is wet enough."
Big Skeeter
If mosquitoes were motorcycles, the species known as Psorophora ciliata would be a Harley-Davidson — big, bold, American-made and likely to be abundant in Florida this summer.
Gallinippers! Monster Mosquitoes Poised to Strike Florida
Gallinippers And The Scare Machine
posted by the man of twists and turns (39 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
It's okay universe, I really didn't need another reason to avoid Florida.
posted by The Whelk at 8:03 AM on April 28, 2013 [22 favorites]


Is this gonna be like those "Killer Bees" in the 80s? *yawn*
posted by symbioid at 8:06 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Florida is already one big mosquitoey swamp, isn't it? How much difference could some rain make?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:08 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Florida always struck as being the beachhead for the Apocalypse.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:14 AM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Given the way politicians already sucked all of the economic vitality out of the state, the jokes just write themselves.

Unless, of course, you actually have to live there with a decaying social safety net....
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:22 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bugs Bunny had it right.
posted by eenagy at 8:22 AM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Overly-excitable writer thinks that he's discovered clickbait gold with article about bug that's actually old news. *yawn* But do scroll down to read some of the comments to his post, they're great.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:27 AM on April 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


Almost half of the photos in the linked articles are crane flies.
posted by jimmythefish at 8:35 AM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


You guys keep yawning you're gonna swallow a mosquito. Especially if you're riding one of those Harley-Davidsons.

Article? There's an article too?
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:38 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, these aren't new, and they aren't confined to Florida.. We had a significant hatch of these in 2011 and 2012 here in Michigan...
posted by HuronBob at 8:39 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


I used to live in Daytona Beach. Mosquitos were never really a problem... swarms of toe-biters during their mating season, now that was an issue. Also, fire ants... got stung by those little buggers more than I got bit by deserters.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:43 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bring back DDT!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 9:54 AM on April 28, 2013


Just one more reason for me to get the fuck outta here
posted by photoslob at 10:49 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just in case anyone forgot: smash Mosquitos and the friends of Obama
posted by photoslob at 10:58 AM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's been very dry here. I'm more worried about the brush fires than mosquitoes.
posted by Splunge at 11:26 AM on April 28, 2013


Speaking as s a West Coast resident, I'm going to remain a West Coast resident.
posted by Blue Meanie at 11:32 AM on April 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


In my swampy Southern experience, there already are plenty of huge mosquitoes. And those aren't even the biting kind. So, really, Floridians should be relieved to be getting these and not tiny ferocious mosquitos that will bite you till you go insane from the itching.

Seriously, unless these spread some kind of disease or eat human babies or something, I'm not too worried.
posted by Sara C. at 12:09 PM on April 28, 2013


I heard they're mating with killer bees now. I also heard they can gang-suck the blood out of an infant in a jogger stroller in two minutes flat. My cousin's sister-in-law left her cat out over night, and all that was left in the morning was calico beef jerky.
posted by popechunk at 12:23 PM on April 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


Bring back DDT!
posted by Chocolate Pickle


So that younger generations will have to suffer the same brain damage you did?
posted by jamjam at 12:29 PM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


DDT has largely lost its efficacy in places where it has continued to be used. Also Gallinippers are common throughout the eastern US and Canada. Nothing to panic about.
posted by humanfont at 12:56 PM on April 28, 2013


jamjam: "So that younger generations will have to suffer the same brain damage you did?"

Settle down. I5 wqs a joke.
posted by boo_radley at 1:17 PM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


I5 wqsn't (sorry, that's actually one of the more charming typos I've seen recently), but I am settling down, and I very much appreciate the admonition.
posted by jamjam at 1:51 PM on April 28, 2013


What is it about these mosquitoes that reduces just about every writer in the FPP to hysterics cloaked in awkward colloquialisms? Honestly, most of those links read like Poochy the Dog wrote them.

Big mosquitoes are easier to kill. I would take one of these puppies over the smaller-than-a-fruit-fly sandfly here in Australia, any day of the week. Little fuckers.
posted by smoke at 4:10 PM on April 28, 2013


Ok, I'm confused. Is this a joke about pretending that Crane Flies are actually GIANT MOSQUITOS that can break your arm and feel like a small bird landing on you? Or is it widely accepted (even in Florida) that crane flies ARE mosquitos? Yes, they look like giant mosquitos. HIBT?

Just for quick reference here are the first paragraphs of both Wikipedia articles for easy comparison:
A crane fly is an insect in the family Tipulidae. Adults are very slender, long-legged flies that may vary in length from 2–60 mm (0.079–2.4 in) though tropical species may exceed 100 mm (3.9 in) [Emphasis added for very good reason]. ... Crane flies are commonly mistaken as "giant mosquitoes".

The mosquitoes are a family of small, midge-like flies: the Culicidae. Although a few species are harmless or even useful to humanity, most are a nuisance because they consume blood from living vertebrates, including humans. The females of many species of mosquitoes are blood eating pests. In feeding on blood, some of them transmit extremely harmful human and livestock diseases, such as malaria, yellow fever and filariasis. Some authorities argue accordingly that mosquitoes are the most dangerous animals on Earth.
Or is there a third type of immense, spindly, fluid-sucking insect that feeds exclusively on the liquid around the beans? On a plate?
posted by sneebler at 5:21 PM on April 28, 2013


In other news: Florida battles slimy invasion by giant snails
posted by homunculus at 5:24 PM on April 28, 2013


Seriously, is there any impending horror, in ecology, geology, politics, or whatever, in which Florida is not a leading indicator? Y'know how North Carolina's license plate slogan reads "First in Flight"? Florida should change theirs to "First To Be Fucked".
posted by George_Spiggott at 6:54 PM on April 28, 2013


the man of twists and turns: "Gallinippers And The Scare Machine"

Isn't that a Roald Dahl novel?
posted by krinklyfig at 7:03 PM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Florida should change theirs to "First To Be Fucked".

Do they have man-o-war type jellyfish there? Because that would cover the Sea part of the equation.
posted by sneebler at 7:10 PM on April 28, 2013


crane flies
This is actually another species of mosquito, but it's also called a gallinipper for some reason.
posted by aw_yiss at 1:00 AM on April 29, 2013


Crane flies are absolutely not "another species of mosquito". They don't bite, they don't suck blood, they are harmless to mammals.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:42 AM on April 29, 2013


No, I meant the articles are talking about a species of mosquito. Not about crane flies.
posted by aw_yiss at 1:50 AM on April 29, 2013


Ah!
posted by five fresh fish at 6:05 AM on April 29, 2013


I understand that some of the articles think they're talking about mosquitos, but the descriptions they offer and the pictures of crane flies make me wonder. I think they've trolled themselves.
posted by sneebler at 6:30 AM on April 29, 2013


I lived in South Florida from 1976 to 2002, the last part in west Jupiter (basically swampland), and my impression is that the mosquitos were getting bigger, and nastier, the last couple of years we were there.

In particular there were starting to be a newer variety of big, stripey badasses that didn't seem to be afraid of the sun and hurt like fuck. Fortunately, I guess, they were easier to hear and pretty heavy so you could usually feel them when they landed. Though they would happily jack you right through even heavier clothing. They'd chase you on bike rides. And they'd follow your boat, too, if you got near shore. Very aggressive.

Anyway, they were just starting to be a factor in outdoor events when we left.

Ten years on, I can imagine they'd be kind of a big deal now.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:59 AM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


jamjam: "I5 wqsn't (sorry, that's actually one of the more charming typos I've seen recently), but I am settling down, and I very much appreciate the admonition."

Cell phones, amirite?
posted by boo_radley at 8:36 AM on April 29, 2013


oh, and the reason I thought i5 wqs, was because actually advocating for a return to DDT seems monstrous on the face of it.
posted by boo_radley at 8:37 AM on April 29, 2013


That Christian Science Monitor website sure did have a lot of pictures of women in bikinis and such.

on preview: "big, stripey badasses"
Ah. Tiger mosquitos, we called them. Is that what you called them?
posted by glasseyes at 11:31 AM on April 29, 2013


Whoops. Not the women in bikinis, the mosquitos. Tiger mosquitos. Not tiger bikinis.
posted by glasseyes at 11:38 AM on April 29, 2013


I don't recall a specific term for them, but if someone had called them "tiger" that would probably have stuck as a nickname because they were quite stripey looking.
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:51 PM on April 29, 2013


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