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Celebrating The Very Best That Tony Danza Never Did.
April 29, 2013 4:55 PM   Subscribe


 


Tony was a good tipper and was very nice back in the day. My 2 cents.
posted by shockingbluamp at 5:02 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Guess I'll have to go to Planet X to find "a world without Tony Danza."
posted by Catblack at 5:02 PM on April 29, 2013


So a few years back the lighting control hardware at his show malfunctioned in the middle of the night and brought up every light in the studio to full power....television lighting is, in many studios, run at around 50%. Obviously it's more complicated than that, but I'm simplifying. The resultant heat set off the sprinklers and flooded the studio, destroying a lot of gear.

Tony Danza came in, did not flip out, and did an entire show basically by candlelight. I always thought he was an oaf until that day. Oafish though he may still be, he is one solid oaf. Not too many people could have or even would have pulled that off.
posted by nevercalm at 5:03 PM on April 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


Whenever I see this kind of thing with a celebrity I can't help but have a moment of odd reaction, imagining someone sending them that link, and then amazement because, like Tony Danza is a real person.

(Anyone else really dig that reality show where he taught in an inner city school?)
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:03 PM on April 29, 2013


Le Danza Macabre
posted by 2bucksplus at 5:03 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am seriously afraid to click on a link titled "Spread Danza."
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:03 PM on April 29, 2013


Careful, Internet. Remember when you did this with Chuck Norris and he turned out to be a huge asshole? I don't know anything about Tony Danza, but just, careful.
posted by benito.strauss at 5:05 PM on April 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


Hold me closer, Tony Danza.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:07 PM on April 29, 2013 [24 favorites]


I am being 100% sincere when I say, if I found out Tony Danza was an asshole, a not-insignificant part of my soul would die.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:08 PM on April 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


because, like Tony Danza is a real person.


I seriously thought for a while that he was just direct-selling his apple cider to NYC bars via slipping flyers in mail slots.

I kind of prefer that version actually.
posted by The Whelk at 5:08 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


ok, talk to you later
posted by thelonius at 5:08 PM on April 29, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's about time for Funny or Die to do a gritty reimagining of Who's the Boss.
posted by 2bucksplus at 5:10 PM on April 29, 2013


Someone's trying a little to hard to manufacture this meme.
posted by Jernau at 5:12 PM on April 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


The last link before the jump is a nice touch, Whelk.
posted by Beardman at 5:17 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Don't work all those links are safe. NSFW NSFA This one ISN'T! NSFL NSFY

(disclaimer: Tony Danza Actually Nude!)
so it may get deleted
posted by QueerAngel28 at 5:18 PM on April 29, 2013


I love him. I went to a taping of his talk show back in the day, and he seemed so down-to-earth. During commercial breaks, he was chatting up people, singing songs, wishing old ladies Happy Birthday. I didn't even realize that was weird until I went to a taping of The Tyra Banks Show. Holy Diva! She only acknowledged the audience once (asking us if the "snake lady" was pushing the snakes toward her on purpose- and she was! Fuck you, Tyra!)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:23 PM on April 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


(disclaimer: Tony Danza Actually Nude!)


or not!
posted by blue t-shirt at 5:26 PM on April 29, 2013


I liked him on Taxi.
posted by jonmc at 5:33 PM on April 29, 2013


One of my students told me recently that there is a sex act called 'Tony Danza.'

This disturbs me for two reason:

1) There is a sex act called 'Tony Danza.'

2) My student felt compelled to tell me this.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:40 PM on April 29, 2013


Wow, apparently the aforementioned reality show was only seven episodes long because he refused to let the producers manufacture drama between his students. Seems like a stand-up guy.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:40 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is that NSFW picture from when he was younger?
posted by cell divide at 5:41 PM on April 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


I imagine it is something like a "Rusty Venture."
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:41 PM on April 29, 2013


Tony Fucking Danza
posted by telstar at 5:45 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Holy CROW do not google "Rusty Venture." Talk about not safe for life. Ye gods.

Or, as I heard someone admonish someone else today "Stop using the Urban Dictionary. It's not the kind of dictionary you think it is."
posted by nevercalm at 5:46 PM on April 29, 2013


There's a Danzig joke to be made in here someplace, but I just can't find it right now.
posted by jquinby at 5:47 PM on April 29, 2013


I think it's telling that my first reaction to seeing the flyer in the bar was

" huh, Tony Danza is selling apple cider? "

And then

" I would like to try this cider."
posted by The Whelk at 5:51 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is that NSFW picture from when he was younger?

With the limits of current technology (i.e., no time machines) the answer to your question is "yes", as it will be for any picture of anybody.
posted by LionIndex at 5:52 PM on April 29, 2013 [6 favorites]


The worst memory, and last memory, I have of Tony Danza was sometime post 2001...

My friend and I had consumed some fungus of some sort, the kind of which I hope to consume on June 10th of this year due to a certain album being released, but which shall remain nameless, this fungus.

It was 4th of July and some sort of Celebration of America, which Tony Danza was hosting. We had just gotten back from a nice time out in a small little "park" (really just a little bench overlooking some water, and not much else, like literally just a little cove), and turned on the tube just to see if there was anything on, and lo and behold, there was Tony Danza all bedazzled in a white Tuxedo dancing a cheesy dance number in tribute to AMERICA!

It was so disconcerting to see in that frame of mind. Add in that his face was sweating and it seemed as though all the stage-makeup he had on was wearing off, and the only other option was NASCAR and it was just an AMERICA-TASTIC evening and we decided we'd had enough of the TV (yes, I know, why are you even looking at the TV when you have consumed certain foods-of-the-gods?)

It was a real bummer, man.
posted by symbioid at 5:57 PM on April 29, 2013


Relevant Freakazoid clip.
posted by JHarris at 5:57 PM on April 29, 2013


I actually thought Tony Danza was a surprisingly effective screen villain in Illtown.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 5:58 PM on April 29, 2013


There's a Danzig joke to be made in here someplace, but I just can't find it right now.
posted by jquinby at 8:47 PM on April 29 [+] [!]


Yup.
There sure is.
posted by peagood at 6:10 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


There is a sex act called 'Tony Danza.'

He's aware of it.
posted by NoraCharles at 6:37 PM on April 29, 2013


Just because.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 6:38 PM on April 29, 2013


Tony Danza is a real person.

Tony Danza is a real asshole.

I remember back around 1986, my girlfriend and I lived on the second floor of an artist's loft building on Traction Avenue in downtown LA. One morning about 5:30AM. all of a sudden we were jolted awake by a BANG on our bedroom window. WTF? Then a second or two later BANG there it was again. It sounded like someone was on our fire escape trying to smash the window in. So I went to the window with the fire escape, looked out, and there is Tony Danza down on the street shooting a basketball at my bedroom window BANG again. So I was fuzzy and half awake and the shock had my adrenaline running so I was yelling down at Danza to knock it off, you just about busted in my window, what the fuck do you think you're doing? So he's all "Well I'm shooting a movie here, what are you doing here? I said you're not shooting a movie, you're smashing a basketball against my bedroom window, and I live here. And all the while, he's still shooting the ball at my window, and continuing with his entitled-asshole actor tirade, and that we mere mortals were in his way, ruining his fun. I finally just told him that if he didn't stop NOW I'd call the cops, and his movie crew security rentacops would have to deal with the disturbance. About then, some of his handlers from the movie crew came over and apparently told him to stop harassing the local residents, and they dragged him away.

Fucking Tony Danza.
posted by charlie don't surf at 7:32 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


AN JUH LUH!
SUH MAN TUH!
MOAN NUH!

posted by carsonb at 7:54 PM on April 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


Toe.
Knee.
Dan.
Za.
posted by not_on_display at 8:00 PM on April 29, 2013


Tony Danza has to shoot a basketball at a second story window because a ten foot hoop is too easy for him to dunk on.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:04 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


The next time Tony Danza is shooting a basketball at your window you should probably just open it so he dunk through it and then he'll make your bed and some apple pies.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:06 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Tony Danza made lunch with Chuck Norris.




As the appetizer.
posted by not_on_display at 8:11 PM on April 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


I pretty much knew what I'd get if I clicked that link, yet I clicked it anyways. Why.
posted by slogger at 6:32 AM on April 30, 2013


I always liked the Elton John song "Hold Me Closer Tony Danza".
posted by Billiken at 6:54 AM on April 30, 2013


I had the 'pleasure' of working with Mr. Danza about 10 years ago. He was not pleasant. At all. He went out of his way to dress down everyone at least once.

Maybe it was a bad day, I can't say, but when I mentioned to another crew person before the shoot that I'd be working with him I got a warning to watch out. Apparently his reputation is well known in tv/film crew circles.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 9:37 AM on April 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


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