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Candy Box
May 1, 2013 2:34 PM   Subscribe

Candy Box is an ASCII-based web RPG. Collect candy, farm lollipops go on epic quests, and win!

To get started questing, wait a couple minutes until you can buy a sword.
posted by CrunchyFrog (362 comments total) 65 users marked this as a favorite

 
After I threw my 40th candy to the ground, I was rewarded with a :| face.

I approve of this and I have no idea what I'm doing.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:41 PM on May 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


nothing is happening

i want candy
posted by elizardbits at 2:45 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


i know a guy who's tough but sweet
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:46 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I can't seem to stop throwing candy on the ground. Why is this so satisfying?
posted by elizardbits at 2:48 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wait until you have 150 candies then get the wooden sword. Then go on the first quest. I'm saving up for the coper sword right now.
posted by Solomon at 2:49 PM on May 1, 2013


Man, those goblins will fuck your shit up.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:50 PM on May 1, 2013


I think I need an iron sword (500 candies) for the goblins.
posted by caphector at 2:51 PM on May 1, 2013


You totally do. Also, chests are amazing. I just got 540 candies from one.
posted by Solomon at 2:52 PM on May 1, 2013


I was pointed at this earlier today. Got all the way to generating 2 lollipops per second (you'll see) with an awesome silver sword, set to take on the world in all my sticky glory, when I accidentally closed the tab. Without saving.

Moral: save frequently and often.
posted by fight or flight at 2:53 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chests?! Where do I get me one of those?
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:53 PM on May 1, 2013


Also, the frog is the answer.
posted by fight or flight at 2:54 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


They're in the goblin forest, sometimes. Think they're random. Silver sword here I come (1000 candies).
posted by Solomon at 2:55 PM on May 1, 2013


AGH I got the iron sword and all the goblins got tougher! That pisses me off.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:00 PM on May 1, 2013


Keep trying. The GTS(?) ones don't always show up.
posted by Solomon at 3:01 PM on May 1, 2013


Tee-hee. This makes me very happy.
posted by Tevin at 3:02 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


<!-- You're looking at the source code, hm, cheater ! :-) -->

Who? Me?
posted by zsazsa at 3:05 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


For anyone who saves often, be sure you see the dialog that confirms your "name." I thought I saved again at 160 candies, but when I tried loading that save, I was back to 35 (when I first saved).
posted by CancerMan at 3:05 PM on May 1, 2013


SPOILER:







Iron sword is NOT enough for the underwater cave.
posted by Solomon at 3:06 PM on May 1, 2013


Wood Pony! 45 candies. :D
posted by zarq at 3:06 PM on May 1, 2013


What is the point of lollipops?
posted by Solomon at 3:09 PM on May 1, 2013


Candy on a stick!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:10 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Do the lollipops get better? Banana flavor is stupid.
posted by dayintoday at 3:10 PM on May 1, 2013


You threw 370 candies on the ground...? (;_;)

wasting delicious, delicious candy!
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:13 PM on May 1, 2013


I have an encrusted diamond sword. I feel special.
posted by Solomon at 3:14 PM on May 1, 2013


I like that this starts out with me wandering into a peaceful forest and just wailing away at innocent trees.
posted by brundlefly at 3:15 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


I got a rock.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 3:17 PM on May 1, 2013


Is it useful?
posted by Solomon at 3:17 PM on May 1, 2013


Rock candy?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:19 PM on May 1, 2013


Nah, that's Pokemon.
posted by Solomon at 3:20 PM on May 1, 2013


Encrusted Diamond Sword! Answered the frog's questions... now on to the Underwater Cave
posted by zarq at 3:23 PM on May 1, 2013


Going to leave this running overnight on my work machine. And then I will EAT ALL THE CANDIES.

Or buy swords. Not sure yet.
posted by Hactar at 3:23 PM on May 1, 2013


Berserk potion doesn't last very long but makes you quicker. No stronger though.
posted by Solomon at 3:24 PM on May 1, 2013


....tough cave....
posted by zarq at 3:24 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I got boots. And am working on a diamond sword.
posted by caphector at 3:24 PM on May 1, 2013


What does speed even matter on a quest? Does it just get everything over with faster?
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:27 PM on May 1, 2013


OCT have 45 HP??
posted by Solomon at 3:28 PM on May 1, 2013


The stats page has some info about what to expect.
posted by blixco at 3:28 PM on May 1, 2013


Rory, yes. it makes you move more rapidly.
posted by zarq at 3:29 PM on May 1, 2013


Solomon: "OCT have 45 HP??"
"Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels. If you don’t believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they’re about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you. I doubt you’ll get such an offer from the eels."

posted by zarq at 3:30 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


AAAAH THE CANDY MERCHANT IS THE FOURTH DOCTOR

SOLD
posted by Shepherd at 3:33 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Candy box? More like skinner box.

I hate my brain.
posted by GDWJRG at 3:34 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I hate my brain.

but I bet you love candy
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:35 PM on May 1, 2013


DIE TREE DIE!!!!
posted by eriko at 3:36 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mount Goblin is where it's at.
posted by Solomon at 3:37 PM on May 1, 2013


Is there any downside to getting extra HP by eating more?
posted by rollick at 3:40 PM on May 1, 2013


Oh damn, the frog speeds you up immensely.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:42 PM on May 1, 2013


Always Take Your Dried Frog Pills, Bursar.
posted by zarq at 3:43 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


So do the boots, apparently.
posted by Solomon at 3:43 PM on May 1, 2013


40,000 Lollipops?! Crazy Sorceress' prices are insane.
posted by zarq at 3:44 PM on May 1, 2013


How fast does the lollipop farm increase the lp/hour based on planted lollipops?
posted by caphector at 3:45 PM on May 1, 2013


The lollipop farm
Lp planted : 10
Production : 4 lp/hour

Gonna be here a while.
posted by zarq at 3:45 PM on May 1, 2013


40 lollipops planted gets you 1lp/min.
posted by Solomon at 3:46 PM on May 1, 2013


Planted 14 and 8/hour
posted by caphector at 3:46 PM on May 1, 2013


Lp planted : 44
Production : 1 lp/min


Still going to be here a while.
posted by eriko at 3:46 PM on May 1, 2013


I was at 33 LP, earning 30-something per hour. Planted 10 more lollipops and now I am earning 1 per minute.
posted by CancerMan at 3:47 PM on May 1, 2013


I've tried this on three different browsers and all I get is a text count of the number of candies I've purportedly eaten. No ascii art. I have no freaking clue what this is.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:47 PM on May 1, 2013


Candy Box is an ASCII-based web RPG. Collect candy, farm lollipops go on epic quests, and win!

Define 'win'.
posted by mazola at 3:47 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


54 LP earns you 2/min.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:47 PM on May 1, 2013


PIMPIN'
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:48 PM on May 1, 2013


mudpuppie, you should read the rest of the post.
posted by zixyer at 3:48 PM on May 1, 2013


Oh!
posted by mudpuppie at 3:49 PM on May 1, 2013


The symbol changes inside the big lollipop on the farm if you click it. What does that do?
posted by zarq at 3:50 PM on May 1, 2013


66 LP earns 3/min!
posted by muddgirl at 3:50 PM on May 1, 2013


Fuck you, sorceress, that is NOT a reasonable exchange rate.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:51 PM on May 1, 2013


I HAVE MET THE LOLLIPOP MERCHANT.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:51 PM on May 1, 2013


I think the Sorceress works for L'oreal.
posted by Solomon at 3:52 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


What has 100HP. OMF.
posted by Solomon at 3:52 PM on May 1, 2013


I do wish there was a warning on the page not to eat all your candy or throw it all on the ground right away, as that was my instinct.
posted by muddgirl at 3:53 PM on May 1, 2013


Eating candy actually has an in-game effect (I've just realized).

Throwing the candy on the ground only makes your narrator sad.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:54 PM on May 1, 2013


You know, I wasn't sure whether you all were trolling until the candy merchant showed up.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


What is the Eating-Candy Effect?
posted by CancerMan at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2013


Raises HP.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:57 PM on May 1, 2013


Has anyone else seen the frog?
posted by Solomon at 3:57 PM on May 1, 2013


I wonder how this scales. Do they anticipate you just leaving your computer on all night?
posted by rifflesby at 3:59 PM on May 1, 2013


By the way, the max number of lollipops/sec you can farm is 100. Don't plant more when you get to that point!
posted by zsazsa at 4:01 PM on May 1, 2013 [12 favorites]


How many lollipops do you need for that?
posted by Solomon at 4:02 PM on May 1, 2013


I'm at
Lp planted : 8860
Production : 50 lp/sec

but I'm not sure of the curve
posted by rollick at 4:05 PM on May 1, 2013


I planted 17,464.
posted by zsazsa at 4:05 PM on May 1, 2013


When I fight the goblins, I imagine myself fighting a bunch of guys in $10,000 suits.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:06 PM on May 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


zsazsa said: "I planted 17,464"

[clutches head and screams]
posted by Solomon at 4:07 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I wish there were a way to only eat a portion of candies. I ate over 500 for a HP bonus to beat Goblin Mountain, and ended up with nothing but more candy. I'm still barefoot!
posted by CancerMan at 4:07 PM on May 1, 2013


You're in the pink! Ready for fighting!

Still more compelling than skyrim.
posted by gordie at 4:08 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I only just realised that I didn't have to buy lollipops to plant them. I could replant ones that grew.
posted by Solomon at 4:08 PM on May 1, 2013


I could replant ones that grew.

The magic of compound lollipop farm interest!
posted by zsazsa at 4:09 PM on May 1, 2013 [8 favorites]


And now The Billfold makes sense!
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:10 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I should probably go sit in the corner or something, eh?
posted by Solomon at 4:10 PM on May 1, 2013


I wish there were some way I could have both my lollipops planted and lollipops owned figures be nice round numbers (;_;)
posted by rollick at 4:10 PM on May 1, 2013


I wish there were a way to only eat a portion of candies.

I invested in swords and "lollipop futures" until I was down to the right number of candies.

It seems to me like saving up for better swords is a bit better than eating candy for HP, but I don't have the math for that.
posted by muddgirl at 4:11 PM on May 1, 2013


I don't think I trust the swords this merchant is offering to be honest
posted by rollick at 4:12 PM on May 1, 2013


30 LOLLIPOPS EARNS YOU A BETTER SWORD :O
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:13 PM on May 1, 2013


And now that I said that and got a diamond sword encrusted with candy and polished with lollies, it's not good enough for the 3rd quest :( Wrong all my life.
posted by muddgirl at 4:14 PM on May 1, 2013


30 LOLLIPOPS EARNS YOU A BETTER SWORD :O

I must need a qualifying sword, first. I don't see any new option with 43 lollys.
posted by CancerMan at 4:15 PM on May 1, 2013


muddgirl: "And now that I said that and got a diamond sword encrusted with candy and polished with lollies, it's not good enough for the 3rd quest :( Wrong all my life."

I'm pretty sure you need scrolls and potions to get through that quest.
posted by zarq at 4:26 PM on May 1, 2013


For those that don't know, to find the Frog you first need to find a map to the swamp, via quests.

I'm stuck on the "could be whatever I want" question.
posted by CancerMan at 4:27 PM on May 1, 2013


You can get through the third quest if you've coated your sword with a chocolate bar. You need 120/130 HP though.
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:27 PM on May 1, 2013


CancerMan: You gotta know your audience.
posted by zamboni at 4:29 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Cancerman, the frog is a narcissist. :D
posted by zarq at 4:29 PM on May 1, 2013


Awesome. I just coated my sword with chocolate! :D

That sounds... dirty.
posted by zarq at 4:30 PM on May 1, 2013


Oh man I almost have enough lollies to buy something from the sorceress.
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:30 PM on May 1, 2013


candies.setCandiesPerSecond(1000)
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 4:31 PM on May 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


Thanks for the froggy tip!
posted by CancerMan at 4:32 PM on May 1, 2013


You're welcome!
posted by zarq at 4:33 PM on May 1, 2013


If you're like me, the next question was a stumper. If you need a hint, let us know.
posted by zarq at 4:33 PM on May 1, 2013


Hot damn, the castle entrance is tough.
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:34 PM on May 1, 2013


Limits of the universe?
posted by CancerMan at 4:35 PM on May 1, 2013


Wishing Well!
posted by zarq at 4:43 PM on May 1, 2013


I'm about to wish for 400,000 lollipops. In your FACE sorceress I am about to buy out your entire inventory.
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:44 PM on May 1, 2013


...she replenishes everything at a higher price. ;_;
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:45 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


i feel like everyone here is high except for me

this is a grave injustice
posted by elizardbits at 4:48 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


This lollipop is kitten flavor I want my candies back :(
posted by rifflesby at 4:48 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hey, so how do I actually get these damned lollipops to grow?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:49 PM on May 1, 2013


if you need weed to enjoy a game this simple you are doing both weed and games wrong
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:50 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Once you acquire enough lollipops, you should have an option to plant them in your lollipop farm.
posted by CancerMan at 4:51 PM on May 1, 2013


Never mind! They work after all!
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:51 PM on May 1, 2013


I'm getting like a 30 lpm return right now. Soon, I will have more lollipops than candies. Life is good on the farm.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:56 PM on May 1, 2013


50lpm here.
posted by zarq at 4:57 PM on May 1, 2013


So what is it that's beyond the limits of the universe?
posted by Lemurrhea at 4:58 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


At 328 lollipops, I got 1 per second.
posted by zarq at 4:59 PM on May 1, 2013


You're still searching for the answer, huh Lemurrhea?

My 100lps farm laughs at your feeble creations. But has anybody gotten past the castle stairs?
posted by Rory Marinich at 4:59 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


This game is strangely enjoyable for such a simple game.
posted by GuyZero at 5:00 PM on May 1, 2013


Lemurrhea, pay close attention to the opening part of the question. It's very literal. And imagine part of it in quotes.
posted by zarq at 5:01 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


This game is strangely enjoyable for such a simple game.

I know. In theory, I should hate it, because it's just a grind without the mouse clicks. Yet the lollipops, they call to me ...
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:02 PM on May 1, 2013


Wow. The lollipop per second value really builds once it gets going.
posted by zarq at 5:10 PM on May 1, 2013


The candies converter!
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 5:12 PM on May 1, 2013


And... there's a walkthrough on pastebin. Good grief.
posted by GuyZero at 5:16 PM on May 1, 2013


I was reading through the comments thinking to myself there is no way the game is more entertaining than this.

Man, I was in for a surprise.
(Now die, trees.)
posted by bigendian at 5:17 PM on May 1, 2013


HA! Click on the lollipop next to the merchant. Keep clicking. He lowers the price.
posted by zarq at 5:28 PM on May 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


And if you click on his hat repeatedly he complains you're tickling him and gives you 100 candies. I think it only works once tho.
posted by zarq at 5:32 PM on May 1, 2013


The disparity between lollipop & candy production is staggering.
posted by Going To Maine at 5:35 PM on May 1, 2013


That is to say, 45lp/sec and only a silver sword...
posted by Going To Maine at 5:37 PM on May 1, 2013


Dangit. Just one chest and I will have my diamond sword.
posted by solarion at 5:38 PM on May 1, 2013


Do we only have one option for the forge?
posted by CancerMan at 5:42 PM on May 1, 2013


I think you get different options based on what kind of potion you fuse into your sword. Looks like whichever you choose, you're stuck with it for the rest of the game.
posted by CrunchyFrog at 5:58 PM on May 1, 2013


I only had one option despite having 3 different potions and 1 scroll. I chose it anyway, and now I have the Sword of Life.
posted by CancerMan at 6:04 PM on May 1, 2013


I put in the imp invocation spell and got the sword of summoning. At Level 1, it summons an imp which goes ahead of you and attacks your enemies before you reach them. The imp dies when it runs out of hp, but you may get another when you kill your next enemy. At level 2, it summons orcs, which have greater hp (30). At level 3, it summons draugrs (35 hp).
posted by zarq at 6:10 PM on May 1, 2013


I did a bit of test with the wishing well, getting scrolls; it gives you 75 different scrolls and potions. Fire scroll, imp invocation scroll, and health potion all do things.
posted by solarion at 6:12 PM on May 1, 2013


Anyone got a cauldron yet? You can brew potions!
posted by caphector at 6:19 PM on May 1, 2013


Has anyone figured out what throwing candy on the ground accomplishes?
posted by fatbird at 6:52 PM on May 1, 2013


Progressively unhappy faces?

That was enough for me.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:05 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've planted 17,800 and am earning 100lp/sec.

But I still can't defeat the underwater cave.
posted by Brody's chum at 7:17 PM on May 1, 2013


Once you've eaten 20,000 candies, your health is over 200, which should be sufficient if you've got a fully upgraded sword.
posted by fatbird at 7:19 PM on May 1, 2013


Metafilter: it sometimes drop a candy
posted by davejay at 7:30 PM on May 1, 2013


WHY DID I THROW ALL THAT CANDY ON THE GROUND

>:|
posted by elizardbits at 7:35 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


WHY DIDN'T ANYONE STOP ME
posted by elizardbits at 7:35 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!
posted by zscore at 7:36 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


I mean, you have to be pretty silly to throw perfectly good candy on the ground!

I figured out the secret of the Castle Entrance! Hint: the asterisk pulls a real dick move.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:37 PM on May 1, 2013


There's a secret? I just drank a ton of health potions until I got through.
posted by zixyer at 7:38 PM on May 1, 2013


im mad about candy
posted by elizardbits at 7:39 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've been replaying that level because the guards occasionally drop armor, and I haven't been able to pick up a set without dying.

The secret is that the asterisk teleports you back to the beginning. And using items seems to prevent you from moving for a square, which means you'll get teleported more often than not if you use them.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:40 PM on May 1, 2013


Berserker potions, if you can get them from the frog, also are helpful.

I love this
posted by vogon_poet at 8:18 PM on May 1, 2013


why can't i get past this fucking whale

i hate you whale
posted by elizardbits at 8:26 PM on May 1, 2013


After playing the Castle Entrance a couple of times, it's no secret that the asterix teleports you back to the beginning. Damned if I can get through it, though. Also I just ran out of health potions trying :(

In other news, do not open Facebook in another tab while playing this. I can no longer save the game. I blame Zuckerberg.
posted by motty at 8:27 PM on May 1, 2013


I can't get the knights to drop armour again
posted by junco at 8:28 PM on May 1, 2013


Anybody else notice that if you make it past the asterix at the Castle Entrance, it retains its last position the next run-through?
posted by CancerMan at 8:29 PM on May 1, 2013


The trick to Castle Entrance is to use a teleport potion just before the asterisk hits you. This way it doesn't coincide with you hitting a knight, and you can rush past it sometimes. Berserker also helps for this but isn't required.

Castle entrance also makes you a lot of candy this way once you can make Major Health Potions because you just let it go until you're out of potions.
posted by solarion at 8:29 PM on May 1, 2013


FUCK YOU, WHALE

YOU'RE VANQUISHED
posted by cortex at 8:33 PM on May 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


Oh, a Dragon. Yay.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:33 PM on May 1, 2013


candies.setCandiesPerSecond(1000)
also: void(setInterval(main.secInterval.bind(main), 1));
but using the cauldron doesn't really work with that on (just save your game and refresh to reset it).
posted by juv3nal at 8:48 PM on May 1, 2013


Eating lots of candy was what got me past the whale, like fatbird suggested.
posted by Brody's chum at 8:48 PM on May 1, 2013


Also jeez the dragon's difficult. I'm just going to leave it running for a few hours until I can eat enough candy to get more HP than him. I:
posted by solarion at 8:49 PM on May 1, 2013


Use the acid rain potion to get past the whale. And a health potion. And have about 130HP. And a decent quality sword. Once I coated mine in chocolate the whale was toast.
posted by zarq at 8:55 PM on May 1, 2013


Discovered the cauldron. Okay I think I'm in love with whoever made this game.
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:55 PM on May 1, 2013


Certain inventory items aren't guaranteed every time through a quest. Here are the ones I've found:
Castle's entrance: Armor
Castle's keep: Amulet (3x candy production) and Horn (auto regain HP). To get the amulet you need to fight something trapped in a wall, and to get the horn, you need to fight a unicorn.
Escape Potion is your friend.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 8:55 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you use Escape Potion do you keep the candy and the items you've earned?
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:00 PM on May 1, 2013


You don't, but it helps if you want to restart the quest quickly when you don't get the items. If you get to the dragon without picking up the horn and/or amulet, you might as well restart that quest.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 9:02 PM on May 1, 2013


Oh, fuck me that dragon has a lot of health. I wonder if an invulnerability potion would help me out at all or if I just need a buttload more HP.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:11 PM on May 1, 2013


I left me browser window open at work overnight so tomorrow morning... CANDY BITCHES!
posted by GuyZero at 9:11 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


How many HP do the candy bitches have?
posted by davejay at 9:21 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've got a firm strategy for beating the dragon but it looks like it's going to require more candy than I have at the moment. I guess I'll leave it for a bit.
posted by solarion at 9:22 PM on May 1, 2013


I'm not quite sure why I'm so drawn to this. I think it may have a lot to do with the way the game seems to be channeling an older age; it reminds me of circa-1990 Hypercard games/interactive fiction, or Worldbuilder games.
posted by junco at 9:36 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh wow the dragon.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:52 PM on May 1, 2013


HELL IS HARD
posted by whitneyarner at 9:56 PM on May 1, 2013


Hell is hard. I think each attack by a ghost halves your HP.

Encountering a ghost in the Castle's Keep is another good reason to use the Escape Potion.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:00 PM on May 1, 2013


Ghosts only hit humans. Imps eat them like candy.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:02 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Why won't my LP production go higher than 100?
posted by varion at 10:17 PM on May 1, 2013


100 LP/sec seems to be a hard cap.

Yeah, that dragon.
posted by fatbird at 10:29 PM on May 1, 2013


Anyone else feel the "sword of life" is just an excuse for ascii porn?
posted by varion at 10:34 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anyone else feel the "sword of life" is just an excuse for ascii porn?

Thank god someone else said this first and I don't feel like such a dirty mind anymore.
posted by vidur at 10:38 PM on May 1, 2013


I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL BEING SARCASTIC
posted by hellojed at 10:55 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


It reminds me of this innocent roadside attaction.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:55 PM on May 1, 2013


Why did I start playing this? And why can't I stop? No really send halp.
posted by grapesaresour at 10:57 PM on May 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


I would send help...but I have to eat all of the candies.
posted by varion at 10:58 PM on May 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've still got 7 empty squares in my inventory..
posted by vidur at 11:03 PM on May 1, 2013


I am embarrassed of how long I spent thinking about lunar craters before I got the riddle.
posted by groar at 11:07 PM on May 1, 2013


WHY IS THERE NO "BRUSH TEETH" BUTTON!?!?!
posted by varion at 11:08 PM on May 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


I got to the 12th level and I have no idea how to proceed. I think I'm giving up on it now.
posted by zixyer at 11:11 PM on May 1, 2013


This is what it must feel like to be trapped inside a vine video.
posted by varion at 11:14 PM on May 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I just made it into the castle. BEDTIME NOW.
posted by davejay at 11:15 PM on May 1, 2013


188 comments and no one thought to say eponysterical!?!?!? You guys are slipping.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:39 PM on May 1, 2013


Too busy eating candy, making major health pots, and struggling to figure out how to defeat the dragon.
posted by CancerMan at 11:41 PM on May 1, 2013


Interesting, if you use 36000 candies in the cauldron you can simultaneously produce 18 invulnerability potions and 200 superman potions.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:54 PM on May 1, 2013


In case anyone else is curious, it takes exactly 17,402 planted lollipops to get 100lps. (I started another game to try a different sword - the flame sword is boring.)
posted by restless_nomad at 11:57 PM on May 1, 2013


I thought I saw someone had an Acid Sword? Is that any good? I might start over as well, because the Sword o' Life feels kinda dead.
posted by CancerMan at 12:02 AM on May 2, 2013


Okay, I've got a foolproof method to beat the dragon

you just have to send me 10000 candies

quite seriously what I did was get a bunch of clone potions, teleport potions, and seeds (11 clone potions, around twenty of the other two) fire a clone at him, stop myself with a couple of seeds while the potion refresh count went down, and teleported back to the start of the room to do it again. Takes a while but it works a treat.
posted by solarion at 12:03 AM on May 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Leaving the browser running overnight works a TREAT.
posted by Solomon at 12:07 AM on May 2, 2013


I have a pink ring.
posted by Solomon at 12:15 AM on May 2, 2013


Candy on the beach is so much better.
posted by varion at 12:15 AM on May 2, 2013


i want to sleep and let the candies accumulate but that means i'd have to stop playing...
posted by Golem XIV at 12:20 AM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have a pink ring.

Calm down!
posted by vidur at 12:24 AM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


using my tree strategy got me Yggdrasil eventually. I wasn't expecting that.
posted by solarion at 12:25 AM on May 2, 2013


i aM TorGO I selL YOu loLLIPops wHILe tHE MAsteR Is awAY....
posted by JHarris at 12:29 AM on May 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


What am I doing wrong at the castle entrance? I'm clicking on the asterisk, but it's not always working.
posted by Solomon at 12:57 AM on May 2, 2013


" Thanks for buyin'! 
  Here's your dracula 
    flavor lollipop.  "

posted by JHarris at 1:00 AM on May 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


You don't click on the asterisk, Solomon; you just want to rush past it using teleport or berserk potions.
posted by solarion at 1:17 AM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Candies more candies" just got me 3547 candies for 300,000 lollipops. I feel so cheated.
posted by Solomon at 1:18 AM on May 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I quit playing last night out of mild self-disgust at how involved I was getting, and now I just want to eat candies and fight dragons all over again
posted by rollick at 1:27 AM on May 2, 2013


I feel like I'm mining bitcoins.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 1:48 AM on May 2, 2013 [7 favorites]


Can't believe you f*ckers got me playing this stupid game.
I'm on the castle stairs.

Have you clicked the candy merchants hat?
posted by hoodrich at 1:54 AM on May 2, 2013


Castle keep took me about 20 attempts, but I got through castle stairs first time. Odd.
posted by Solomon at 2:09 AM on May 2, 2013


Well, I got past Hell.

I'm stuck now. How can I defeat the enemy within?
posted by solarion at 2:38 AM on May 2, 2013


Oh wait nevermind.
posted by solarion at 2:40 AM on May 2, 2013


Dragon -- combination of invulnerability, which you drink just before, and teleport, which you spam once the invulnerability wears off until the potion timeout expires.
posted by eriko at 2:43 AM on May 2, 2013


Hintage.






There's a real win in G.M.O.O.H
posted by eriko at 3:01 AM on May 2, 2013


Castle's entrance: Armor
Castle's keep: Amulet (3x candy production) and Horn (auto regain HP). To get the amulet you need to fight something trapped in a wall, and to get the horn, you need to fight a unicorn.
Escape Potion is your friend.


Another one: Horn of plenty (3x lollipop production) in Developper's Moat. I used GMOOH.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 3:24 AM on May 2, 2013


Horn of plenty can be found anywhere using GMooH. The name is a giveaway.
posted by solarion at 3:31 AM on May 2, 2013


Actually, it doesn't matter where you use the GMOOH from. Never mind. erkio's comment is better.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 3:31 AM on May 2, 2013


Okay I beat it.

THANKS FOR WASTING MY DAY.
posted by solarion at 5:17 AM on May 2, 2013


GMooH. The name is a giveaway.

*smack*

God that's awful.
posted by Rory Marinich at 5:59 AM on May 2, 2013


I don't know what to wish for at the wishing well. WHAT HAPPENS IF I SAY "PONY"
posted by elizardbits at 6:23 AM on May 2, 2013


I broke down and fell asleep, leaving the browser open. I'm not trying to brag, but I now have ENORMOUS QUANTITIES OF CANDIES AND LOLLIPOPS!!!
posted by Golem XIV at 7:00 AM on May 2, 2013


Did anyone figure out whether changing the symbol in your farm's tree does anything?
posted by cmoj at 7:35 AM on May 2, 2013


It's like this SMBC Theater skit come to life!
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 8:34 AM on May 2, 2013


ARRGH!

I broke down and fell asleep after getting the copper sword and farming some lollipops and fightin' goblins and whatnot. My browser went to sleep, too. Open it and now I have--

--Wait, what? ZERO candies!?

But! I have a save password. Ha!

Aaaanddd... my save password didn't work.

*grumble grumble*

Starting over.

Stupid lollipop merchant and his stupid hat...
posted by misha at 8:38 AM on May 2, 2013


From the FAQ

If you didn't keep the link but you have your 5 characters name, then just use this address :
http://candies.aniwey.net/index.php?pass=xxxxx
(you have to replace xxxxx with the 5 characters name which was given to you when you saved)
posted by Dojie at 8:40 AM on May 2, 2013


Woot! I'll try that, thanks.
posted by misha at 9:12 AM on May 2, 2013


Bah, I was hoping that wishing for potions and scrolls would open up more options for the forge. Trying to see what other swords are available!
posted by CancerMan at 9:37 AM on May 2, 2013


I've only seen Life, Summoning, and Fire. Anyone else seen others?
posted by restless_nomad at 9:56 AM on May 2, 2013


I, uh, may have taken a look at the page source and in the Googles that there is a Sword of Liflamesummoning and Sword of Randomness. Some folk in message boards show the ascii image of the Liflamesummoning but did not spoil what's required.
posted by CancerMan at 9:59 AM on May 2, 2013


Okay, for serious, is there a way to get found loot out of the Castle's Keep without actually beating the dragon, or am I just gonna have to suck it up and develop a workable strategy for that before I can bank those things?
posted by cortex at 10:12 AM on May 2, 2013


I did not get the armor at the Castle Entrance. I've replayed it multiple times but it just won't show up again. Does it do very much in terms of health or protection? Am I going to be able to fight the dragon successfully without it?
posted by Brody's chum at 10:16 AM on May 2, 2013


Armor wasn't an issue for me with the dragon, due to the strat I used, but you'll want it for the next quest.
posted by rifflesby at 10:18 AM on May 2, 2013


I did not get the armor at the Castle Entrance. I've replayed it multiple times but it just won't show up again.

Knights drop it randomly- you're probably just unlucky. I had to redo it several times.
Other advice - make several GMooH potions the first time, since your destination is random.
posted by zamboni at 10:23 AM on May 2, 2013


Hard Mode

I still need to get past the damned dragon....
posted by zarq at 10:26 AM on May 2, 2013


" Thanks for buyin'!
Here's your gluttony
flavor lollipop. "
Huzzah!
posted by PROD_TPSL at 10:46 AM on May 2, 2013


is there a way to get found loot out of the Castle's Keep without actually beating the dragon[?]

No.
posted by fatbird at 10:50 AM on May 2, 2013


However, I can verify that the strat to use invulnerability potions and teleport scrolls works on the dragon. The teleport scroll's cooldown is half that of the potion, so you use it twice in a row so that you only fight the dragon while invulnerable.
posted by fatbird at 10:54 AM on May 2, 2013


Okay, for serious, is there a way to get found loot out of the Castle's Keep without actually beating the dragon

There doesn't appear to be. The GMooH doesn't keep any items you've found when you change areas. And what's more, since there are several items that appear there that depend on which random screens you get, you'll probably end up having to beat the dragon several times.
posted by JHarris at 10:56 AM on May 2, 2013


An improvement to the teleport scroll strategy: instead of using teleports over and over until the potion timeout expires, use one seed. It'll freeze you in place long enough and there is no random factor involved in getting them.

When I got the armor, I didn't actually notice the drop message. To make sure you don't already have it check the inventory screen.
posted by JHarris at 10:58 AM on May 2, 2013


Hell, with its shooter-like interface, is manifestly frustrating. The game doesn't do real-time kinds of play well at all.
posted by JHarris at 11:01 AM on May 2, 2013


You can access a hidden console setting if you’re a badass Firefox user.


Imgur gallery [spoiler alert].

posted by oceanjesse at 11:05 AM on May 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Has anyone tried facing the dragon as a turtle?
posted by Brody's chum at 11:12 AM on May 2, 2013


Yeah, the turtle got chomped. Not useful.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:15 AM on May 2, 2013


I am having tremendously bad luck finding armour at the castle entrance, and am rapidly running out of berserk potions to dash past the asterisk. Any idea of how I can get more berserk potions?
posted by Shepherd at 11:26 AM on May 2, 2013


Metafilter: The turtle got chomped. Not useful.
posted by fatbird at 11:27 AM on May 2, 2013


I don't think you can get more berserk potions, Shepherd, but I think you can also use teleport scrolls to dodge the asterisk.
posted by whitneyarner at 11:29 AM on May 2, 2013


AH! Take that, dragon!
posted by junco at 11:31 AM on May 2, 2013


To beat the dragon (SPOILERS):
1. Have at least six seeds, teleport scrolls and invulnerability potions each going into the dragon's room. Know where these buttons are located on the side of the screen before even starting the quest.
2. When you enter, wait until your guy is one space away from the dragon before activating the invulnerability potion, and immediately move the cursor to the teleport scroll button. Count to three, then click the teleport scroll button. Ideally, you'll teleport away just before the GOD effect wears off.
3. While you're walking back across the screen to fight the dragon, click the Seed button. It'll plant a tree in front of you that will take long enough to hack through that the potion timeout will expire.
4. Repeat. Do it right and you won't take any damage. You can kill the dragon with any amount of attack power, but it'll require more items. I did it with a Lv. 5 flaming sword, which lets me do it in four cycles if I do it right.

You'll want to do this until you get the Amulet (from the walled-up zombie knight monster) and the Unicorn Horn (often from a screen of unicorns), which is *different* from the horn you get from the GMooH.
posted by JHarris at 11:33 AM on May 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


I don't have enough HP to get past Hell. :-/
posted by caphector at 11:45 AM on May 2, 2013


To beat Hell (SPOILERS):
The first thing you should do is click the window, because you have to use keypresses in this section to maneuver but nothing will if the window doesn't have focus for some reason (which happened to me). This part happens very quickly, so you don't have much time to react.

You should have Imp Invocation scrolls (preferably a few), the Amulet, Armor, Invulnerability Potions and Turtle potions.

This quest happens in waves. The first wave you have to get past a wave of demons, the second, a wave of ghosts and banshees, then ghosts and fireballs giving way to a field of ghosts.

To handle the demons, I use Turtle first to slow the guy down a bit so I can see what's coming up better. Then I try to navigate through the field of demons as best I can with the i and k keys. If you get stuck activate Invulnerability, which will also let the Amulet heal you up a bit, but the timeout on Invulnerability is long enough that you might not get another chance to do this once it wears off. (You can't use seeds here, and the teleport scroll will probably send you right into the field of demons flying off the screen.) The cloning potion might help here, but I didn't have much luck with it.

At the end you'll hack away at a spiked wall and take some damage, but eventually you should get through. Invulnerability works well here. If you can get off an Imp Invocation just before you hit the wall it's ideal; Imps don't take damage from the wall, and still manage to pound through it eventually. The best place to breach the wall is at the top of bottom of the area. Once you get through you'll run into an unavoidable column of those darn asterisks and get teleported back to the beginning.

Now you'll have to get through a field of ghosts and banshees, eventually with some fireballs mixed in. This is where using an Imp is essential. Move your guy so he's on the same row as the hole you made in the wall, then activate an Imp. It should clear the way of ghosts for you and eventually take out the spiked wall at the end. You'll hit another asterisk.

Now you'll have to face a field of fireballs and/or ghosts. There tend to be ghosts at the top of bottom of the screen (hence my earlier suggestion about breaking through the wall at those places). Use another Imp to clear the way and you should make it through the last wall. When you get to DEV, line up with him and use an Invincibility potion and you'll make short work of him.

Some improvisation along these lines might be required. It took me quite a few tries to come up with a good way through. The quest that follows is kind of cheap (SPOILER - hover to read).
posted by JHarris at 11:48 AM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Having generally good weapons and hit points will help with Hell too. It's fairly chaotic.
posted by JHarris at 11:48 AM on May 2, 2013


I beat it! That last quest is ridiculous.
posted by zixyer at 11:52 AM on May 2, 2013


Hah, I beat the cow level. And I managed to surpass myself. Anything else to do?
posted by caphector at 11:59 AM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


jharris, thanks! Will try it out.
posted by zarq at 12:01 PM on May 2, 2013


what the hell is beyond our universe? I just get all logical and think "it is unknowable".
posted by marienbad at 12:09 PM on May 2, 2013


marienbad, it's a trick question. Read the instructions very literally.
posted by GuyZero at 12:10 PM on May 2, 2013


Imagine the question is broken up into two parts. Now imagine that there are quotes around most of the first part. And now read the first part with a literal eye.

This reminds me of a scene in the novel Foucault's Pendulum. The protagonist is trying to break into his friend's laptop, but doesn't know the password. The prompt politely says, "Do you have the password?"

He punches in hundreds of possible combinations. And finally types, "No."

Which was of course, the correct answer.
posted by zarq at 12:11 PM on May 2, 2013


More SPOILERS:



To beat Chuck Norris, just reuse the dragon strategy.

To pass the Developper's Garden, use Invincibility potions and Teleport scrolls here. There's not not much need to resort to delaying tricks to survive potion timeouts, but in this area Seeds only buy you like one second of time, so using Teleport scrolls to delay is better. If timed correctly you can just kill three gnomes with each potion.

To pass the Developper's Moat, use a Turtle potion just before you reach the edge.

After that, in Developper's Computer, I can't even tell what the hell is happening.
posted by JHarris at 12:22 PM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


After that, in Developper's Computer, I can't even tell what the hell is happening.

Take a screenshot when you reach the developper. There's a hint on the screen that you'll miss because you'll probably die right away.

The other clue I'll give you is that it's randomly generated and different for each game.
posted by zixyer at 12:26 PM on May 2, 2013


zixyer, I'm already approaching my limit with this thing. It's starting to feel less like a game and more like wankery.
posted by JHarris at 12:29 PM on May 2, 2013


You might as well stick with it. Developper's computer is the last quest in the game.
posted by zixyer at 12:30 PM on May 2, 2013


Suuuure it is. You're just trying to drag me back in. It won't work! (what was it again, Ctrl-Alt-Print Screen?)
posted by JHarris at 12:34 PM on May 2, 2013


but wankery has a much more thrilling conclusion
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:36 PM on May 2, 2013


Hah-HAH! I have done it! I beat the developer and he owes me candy. I also have ALL THE CANDY IN THE WORLD AHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Sorry, that may have gone to my head.
posted by caphector at 2:22 PM on May 2, 2013


I'm crap at strategy and such, so I'm saving up my candies, which are rattling in at 13/s, to have enough HP to beat that effing dragon without using any potions or such. See you all in 6 months.
posted by Solomon at 2:52 PM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Solomon: repeat some of the easier quests and pick up candy that way
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 3:32 PM on May 2, 2013


You have eaten 213623 candies!

At what point do I slip into a diabetic coma?
posted by elizardbits at 4:57 PM on May 2, 2013


zixyer: Take a screenshot when you reach the developper. There's a hint on the screen that you'll miss because you'll probably die right away.

JHarris: Suuuure it is. You're just trying to drag me back in. It won't work! (what was it again, Ctrl-Alt-Print Screen?)

Note that Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C will take a perfectly fine screenshot if you have a good place to paste it.
posted by nobody at 5:09 PM on May 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


i can't get past the asterisk and in conclusion this game is stupid and i hate everyone but i especially hate candy
posted by elizardbits at 5:12 PM on May 2, 2013


The only reliable way I've found to get past the asterisk is the berserker potion.
posted by restless_nomad at 5:12 PM on May 2, 2013


oceanjesse is droppin knowledge and none of y'all is listenin
posted by zscore at 5:13 PM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you get enough candies it goes to scientific notation.
posted by caphector at 5:24 PM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


i tried the berserky potion and the teleport scroll and the superman potion because why the fuck not and NOTHING

candy and i are now sworn enemies
posted by elizardbits at 5:26 PM on May 2, 2013


I dealt with the castle's entrance by getting rich enough to buy/brew plenty of health potions, and then just doing an endless set of cycles through the level getting asterisked until I got the drop, at which point I just kept cycling anyway until I got lucky and dodged the asterisk after all. Tedious but workable. My biggest problem was accidental finishes before I got the drop.
posted by cortex at 5:30 PM on May 2, 2013


idek where the cauldron thingy is

katamari time
posted by elizardbits at 5:32 PM on May 2, 2013


If you click on the lollipop (which might actually be a stop sign) at the lollipop farm, it will change what is written on it.

Also, this reminds me of the Frog Fractions thread, except, like elizardbits said, this one seems like everyone is high. That one seemed like everyone was tripping balls.
posted by NoraReed at 7:36 PM on May 2, 2013


Oh, that reminds me, I should put together a thread about the porn text adventure game that just raised $160,000 on Offbeatr. *That* thread should be amusing.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:44 PM on May 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


"You have eaten 901565311 candies!"
posted by solarion at 7:58 PM on May 2, 2013


Also, I've found the sword of Liflamesummoning. No I will not tell.
posted by solarion at 8:04 PM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you get your sword upgraded crazily enough (lvl 24-ish) you can get past the asterisk just by killing the enemies faster than the asterisk moves.

I don't recommend this method though.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:51 PM on May 2, 2013


I did eventually finish the Computer quest, but I never did figure out the right key to hit, I think I chanced upon it, it might have been one of the letters on the screen (c, n or d), or maybe the one currently on the lollipop on the farm? That opens up the Computer screen and other extremely high lollipop things to buy.
posted by JHarris at 10:03 PM on May 2, 2013


I left the Candy Converter on for hours and converted over 700M candy (gained in the computer level) into lollipops. It seems there are "bugs" you can buy for 100M, don't know about 1B though.
posted by JHarris at 10:04 PM on May 2, 2013


One of the level 2 bugs (costing 10M) increases the production limit of the lollipop farm until the next load. One of the level 3 bugs triples your candy (which was almost worthless, since I had converted them all into lollipops dammit).
posted by JHarris at 10:06 PM on May 2, 2013


And another of the level 3 bugs gives you the sword of Liflamesummoning, so nyaah to you solarion.
posted by JHarris at 10:07 PM on May 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Developper's Computer is confusing the hell out of me? Do you hit the keys in the Computer quest itself, or on one of the other screens, or...? Nothing seems to do anything.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:28 PM on May 2, 2013


In the interest in blowing this thing as wide open as possible: it seems that the longer the candy converter runs, the faster it converts. When you start looking at it in terms of hundreds of millions of candies, this matters.

The ultimate limit of the Lv 2. farm "bug's" production is 10K lollipops/sec.
posted by JHarris at 10:30 PM on May 2, 2013


Endgame spoilers (hover)
posted by zixyer at 10:31 PM on May 2, 2013


Yeah, I just mashed everything and still nothing.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:35 PM on May 2, 2013


You have to do it while you're fighting the developer. You'll need to use an invulnerability potion as soon as you start fighting him so you have time to mash keys.
posted by zixyer at 10:38 PM on May 2, 2013


The level 4 bug (1 billion lollipops): "Fake bug ! I guess you'll need 10000 mpl :)"
posted by JHarris at 10:49 PM on May 2, 2013


I mean, I just literally hit every key on my keyboard.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:53 PM on May 2, 2013


The problem is you only have a window of a few seconds to hit the right key even *with* the invulnerability potion, and the moment you hit 0 health (a split second after the potion wears off) you've missed you chance. There's a luck component to it regardless. (I have no idea what zixyer was talking about above.)
posted by JHarris at 11:00 PM on May 2, 2013


OMG, is the key you're supposed to hit what's between the two r's in your name, when it flashes?
posted by fatbird at 11:02 PM on May 2, 2013


These bugs, there are more than one for each level of candy (1M, 10M, etc)?

And did you need to have an enchanted sword before you got the Liflamesummoning?
posted by CancerMan at 11:26 PM on May 2, 2013


There are multiple bugs at each level, yes, chosen randomly when purchased. 100M, in particular, has a triple-your-candy bug.

I don't know if you have to have an enchanted sword before getting that one, but it seems unlikely that you could get that far without at least *some* enchantment. I had the Flaming sword before getting it, which it replaced. I think it's a 10M candy bug. Another bug at that tier is the raise-lollipop-farm-production-cap bug.

The candy converter starts slow and speeds up, but after a certain amount of time it goes into overdrive and converts the rest of the candy, no matter how much there is, so fast that I've never caught it in the act, so it could be instantaneous after a warm-up period.
posted by JHarris at 12:46 AM on May 3, 2013


Rustic Etruscan: "When I fight the goblins, I imagine myself fighting a bunch of guys in $10,000 suits."

Come on!
posted by krinklyfig at 12:49 AM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


There seem to be two bugs at the lowly 1M level; one gives you chocolate bars (an item you collected once earlier and had only one use then -- they appear to have no further use), or "this bug has a bug" with no effect.

I collected ten billion lollipops and got a level 5 bug which awarded me with a Sword Of Randomness, of power "Infinity + 14." It makes quick work of the dragon at the end of the Castle Keep, but is still not effective against DEV in the computer it seems.

Reloading to just before buying the bug and buying it again activated "It's pony time!! Everyone is a pony now!" Basically this disables enemy special attacks and gives most of them 150 HP max. You and your summons appear to be ponies too, but that seems to be cosmetic only. (I *think* ghosts still have their HP halving ability, but it's hard to tell with the Candy Pony from the sword leading the way.) I have to say I approve.

Trying several times makes it appear that those are the only level 5 bugs. If there are level 6 bugs, at 100B lollipops, I leave it to you to discover.
posted by JHarris at 1:20 AM on May 3, 2013


(In Pony Mode, the dragon is revealed to be a giant piece of ASCII art scenery with a pony at its feet.)
posted by JHarris at 1:22 AM on May 3, 2013


One last discovery:
The candy converter, once it's "warmed up enough" by running for awhile, has now been observed to start working extremely quickly and finishing up however many candies you have, even billions, in a few seconds.
posted by JHarris at 2:09 AM on May 3, 2013


Since I can apparently only enchant my sword once and can't undo it, can anyone tell me what the best enchantment is?
posted by NoraReed at 2:38 AM on May 3, 2013


Is the "developper's computer" quest hinting that you should just go ahead and look under the hood? It seems more than a bit...capricious otherwise.

If you want to know that round's magic letter, enter "String.fromCharCode(developperComputer.letter)" into your browser's javascript console after starting the quest.
posted by nobody at 4:18 AM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


(On second thought, that probably wasn't the intention. Because once you're reading the source code and opening the console there's really no point in actually playing. Unless that's a joke about previously needlessly waiting for candy/lollipop production when you could have just adjusted the variable yourself like a proper candy wizard.)
posted by nobody at 4:22 AM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anyone found out what the new lp/sec limit is if you raise it with the bug? I'm currently at 5001 lp/s and it's still letting me go up.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:18 AM on May 3, 2013


Ah never mind, it's 10,000 lp/sec. (!!!)
posted by shakespeherian at 6:25 AM on May 3, 2013


I just started an accidental toddler riot because of this game. THANKS, METAFILTER.
posted by elizardbits at 7:48 AM on May 3, 2013


I'm not there yet, but is the key you have to hit the same one as in the tree?
posted by varion at 8:40 AM on May 3, 2013


No, my tree's been set to ! forever and it was definitely a letter that got me past Developper.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:42 AM on May 3, 2013


I am getting 34 candies per second. And also slightly twitchy.
posted by Solomon at 11:00 AM on May 3, 2013


No level 6 bug, sorry :( (maybe level 7 ?)

Welp
posted by shakespeherian at 11:02 AM on May 3, 2013


Are you able to skip the level 6 and 7 non-bugs? Assuming you have enough lollipops, I guess.
posted by CancerMan at 11:05 AM on May 3, 2013


Yeah as soon as you have the right number the message shows up without any purchase so there's no cost to it other than patience.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:10 AM on May 3, 2013


Ultra extreme game ruining cheating console spoiler alert.
posted by oceanjesse at 11:10 AM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


NoraReed, Flaming gives you extra attack power so is good generally. Summoning gives you a candy monster who precedes you in battle and is useful against ghosts. I'm not sure what the life sword does.

So, I used my 10B candy game to buy several candy triple-ings (they "only" cost 10M, although it's random if you get one at that level) and left it to run overnight with the candy converter on. I now have 344,823,251,776,646 lollipops; that's 344 trillion.

At level six (100B) it says: No level 6 bug, sorry :( (maybe level 7 ?)

At level seven (1T): Crap, no level 7 bug either :s Don't give up !

At level eight (10T) it says:
Welcome to the bug factory !
You now have access to the entire computer, and you can therefore create your own bugs.

A lot of buttons appear that let you change many things about the game. You can randomize:
candies, candies thrown, candies eaten, candies per second, lollipops, lollipops planted, chocolate, scrolls, potions, sword, sword power

And also do things like change game colors, adding a tab (which seems to crash the game) and "edit everything (dangerous)", which also crashes the game, and "PURE RANDOM (seriously don't save after this one)", which seems to set all game variables to extremely random (from negative to positive e+157 or more, with a good chance of NaN) EVERY FRAME. Sometimes I have string candies (like: "100 e+100bugbug").

At least it makes it clear there's nothing left after level 8. I guess we'll have to wait for the sequel.....
posted by JHarris at 11:12 AM on May 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I saw references that you can enter Hard Mode?
posted by CancerMan at 11:14 AM on May 3, 2013


Yes; there is a link to it after you beat the dev at the bottom of the inventory screen. I've not clicked it because... well, it's a game about watching numbers go up faster and faster. What's it going to do, make them go up slower? Anyway, I think I've scratched my Progress Quest itch enough to last a while now.
posted by JHarris at 11:16 AM on May 3, 2013


The sword of life steals hit points from enemies. It's not bad, but seems pretty irrelevant once you get the life-increasing thing from the Castle Keep (is that the horn or the amulet? Can't remember.)

The summoning sword is awfully handy for the few levels you can use it, but the summons don't persist through levels of the keep and don't seem to trigger in hell.

I should go back to my flame sword game and poke at it a bit more. Straight-up extra damage can't be a bad thing, especially since the other two are pretty much mirrored by items.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:19 AM on May 3, 2013


I still can't beat the Developper. Sometimes I don't even make it that far. I think I've gone through a dozen Invulnerability potions with nothing but sweet tears of frustration.
posted by CancerMan at 11:19 AM on May 3, 2013


The summoning sword is a pain in the ass now though because I can kill things way faster than my golems and they just slow me down.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:24 AM on May 3, 2013


How the heck do you beat Yourself?
posted by oceanjesse at 11:24 AM on May 3, 2013


That's really a question I'd prefer you ask your father.
posted by cortex at 11:30 AM on May 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


CancerMan, to beat the developer:
1. First, the game window must have focus. It seems like a minor thing, but remember how, in Hell, sometimes the I and K keys won't work at the start because of focus, and you'll just sail headlong into the demons and die before you can do anything about it? Same thing. Click the game window when the quest starts just to be safe.
2. After watching it a while, it seems there is *some* sense on the screen. It's just that your, and the other monsters', Y-positions are randomized each frame, so it's hard to make sense of it. If you unfocus your eyes a little you can kind of spot your guy and thus get some kind of sense of how far to the right he's made it (the DEV is on the far right side).
3. Your stats have to be fairly high to survive the lead-up to him. Using Invulnerability potions is a bit of a cheat; they might help you against one or two fights, but once you're through those the next one might kill you before your timeout expires. Major health potions are actually more helpful, because the timeout is less.
4. However you absolutely must activate an invulnerability potion the moment you get to DEV. The easiest way to tell this is to watch the enemy hit point count out of the corner of your eye with the cursor over the Invulnerability potion button; the moment you see it become a huge number that stretches out to the right, click it.
5. Button mash. Push as many different keys as you can before the potion wears off. Smush your hands over the letter portion of the keyboard. You'll probably hit the right key in time, although there's no guarantee. You only have about three or four seconds of this. You'll know it worked if the Computer tab appears at the top of the screen after the fight.

There is no ending or anything at all like that.
posted by JHarris at 11:31 AM on May 3, 2013


oceanjesse, see the Sorceress. Bring lots of lollipops....
posted by JHarris at 11:32 AM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, and I have to say, the best thing about the game is the cauldron interface, where everything is asynchronous and real-time and you have a recipe book you can flip around. I think it should have a slight amount of give in whether the player has followed the instructions well enough or not (maybe give the player fewer potions if he doesn't get it exactly right), but other than that, that's terrific. I dare say this is the first game I've ever seen that actually has an interesting crafting interface, and I've seen many. (Crafting systems are usually signs the developer is trying to artificially increase playtime. Of course, Candy Box is little else but a huge artificial playtime extension, maybe that affects my judgement here.)
posted by JHarris at 11:37 AM on May 3, 2013


Clicking on the silo or tree or whatever the hell it is on the lollipop farm changes the character in there. Any thoughts on what that might do?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:39 AM on May 3, 2013


I never figured it out.
posted by JHarris at 12:01 PM on May 3, 2013


What items fill the third boxes on the third and fourth rows? I have everything else but whatever goes in those.
posted by whitneyarner at 12:43 PM on May 3, 2013


Also, you dicks, I had things I was supposed to do today.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:44 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


whitneyarner: They're notes from the developer once you win.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:45 PM on May 3, 2013


THEN I JUST NEED TO KILL THAT BASTARD AND ALL HIS BUGS!!!!
posted by whitneyarner at 12:46 PM on May 3, 2013


(this game has ruined my life)
posted by whitneyarner at 12:47 PM on May 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


finally beating the devil was one of the most exciting things to happen to me all week
posted by whitneyarner at 12:47 PM on May 3, 2013


There's a little bit of candies in everyone of us.

This is actually a physical law of our universe.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:00 PM on May 3, 2013


The more I play this, the more I am convinced it is actually a game about hacking javascript, because really who likes waiting?
posted by juv3nal at 6:56 PM on May 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


I KNEW THERE WAS A SEEKRIT PONY MODE omg
posted by elizardbits at 8:26 PM on May 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


juv3nal, once you beat DEV and get up to 10T candy, you essentially unlock an interface to do that without having to do any hacking, although by that point there's nothign left to use it on.
posted by JHarris at 9:24 PM on May 3, 2013


I am completely unable to make Jelly...i've tried so many times.
posted by varion at 12:21 AM on May 4, 2013


varion: That messed me up too... The quantities are different: 600 candies and 6,000 lollipops. I misread it the first couple attempts.
posted by waxpancake at 12:23 AM on May 4, 2013


varion, I never came up with a way to use Jelly. It seems purposeless.
posted by JHarris at 12:39 AM on May 4, 2013


Infinity HP. Shit just got serious.

For the devil.
posted by Defying Gravity at 1:14 AM on May 4, 2013


Couldn't you drop jelly when you were standing in front of the dragon and then immediately teleport back? I haven't made jelly, and my brain might be thinking wrong since it's 3 fucking 30 in the morning where I am (five hours past my bedtime -- Thanks CrunchyFrog) but I assumed it would have to be used with the teleport spell to be of any use.
posted by Brody's chum at 1:27 AM on May 4, 2013


That could work, good thinking.
posted by JHarris at 1:59 AM on May 4, 2013


Chuck Norris also advances on you, so jelly could be useful against him.
posted by gadge emeritus at 4:40 AM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


i can't get past the asterisk and in conclusion this game is stupid and i hate everyone but i especially hate candy

Tip - that level runs out of enemies eventually, around the point that you've racked up 17k-ish in candies. Then you just run through the entrance. Surviving that long may require judicious amounts of potion use - it's much easier after you get the cauldron from the NEXT level and can make your own potions (hah). However, it is a decent way to get a lump of candies for buying scrolls and such, if you're still at the point that candy generation is an issue.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:45 AM on May 4, 2013


I think the jelly only works on things that advance towards it. I tried dropping it on the dragon a few times without success.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 11:36 AM on May 4, 2013


I managed to beat yourself without whatever JHarris is saying see the sorceress for. I used a fire scroll right before we both died, so the other one died first and I was left with something like 25 hit points.

What does the sorceress do for you on that level?
posted by vibratory manner of working at 12:02 PM on May 4, 2013


You have eaten 2856059 candies!

i feel unwell.
posted by elizardbits at 6:35 PM on May 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


You can buy from her "the ability to surpass yourself" for 1M lollipops. Really cheap, leaves you with a handful of hit points after the fight.
posted by JHarris at 9:35 PM on May 4, 2013


i don't even care about fighting the dragon, i just wanna eat more candy and play with my fancy sword

this is the most american i have ever felt
posted by elizardbits at 11:07 PM on May 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


In that case, here is the single most American thing in the universe for your enjoyment: Shockwave the Jet Truck!

The thing I like the most about Shockwave is knowing that somewhere in the past, some dudes put a jet engine on the back of a semi and ran it and said "Yeah, that's cool, sorta..." So they went and added another jet engine and ran that and said "Meh," and it was only when they had three *A*M*E*R*I*C*A*N* jet engines on the back of their truck that they were satisfied with its capabilities.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:49 AM on May 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


My new musical ambition is to get hired as the guy who wails on the guitar while drag racers and monster trucks and shit do their thing.
posted by cmoj at 10:25 AM on May 5, 2013


Well this conversation has certainly taken a turn for the random. Must be all the candy.
posted by JHarris at 11:17 AM on May 5, 2013


USA USA USA
posted by rux at 1:58 PM on May 5, 2013


While making 9 invincibility potions, I also accidentally made 100 superman potions.
posted by NoraReed at 3:29 PM on May 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


man fuck this dragon
posted by elizardbits at 7:04 PM on May 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


My secret to beating the developper's computer: Cloning potions! Use those to fight through the bugs. It bought me a lot of time because me and my clones each had like 960 hp. Then I saved my invulnerability potion for the end.
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 12:30 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


fwiw, when buying things from the sorceress:
1) Buying more candies doubles your number of candies, with a strict maximum of the price that you pay for the spell. So you get the most bang for your buck by waiting for your total candies to be really high.
2) Increasing the rate of candy production changes your candies per second to the next Fibonacci number (1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ...). (Multiplied by 3 if you have the horn, of course).

(thanks, source code!)
posted by kaibutsu at 12:42 AM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well I finally beat 'Hell'.

I just thought y'all wanted to know that.
posted by mazola at 8:35 AM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Has anyone else noticed that the Sword of Life looks quite a bit like a wang?
posted by Lieber Frau at 10:13 AM on May 13, 2013


All of the swords are pretty sexual in appearance.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:48 AM on May 13, 2013


All of the swords are pretty sexual in appearance.

um...
posted by juv3nal at 11:12 AM on May 13, 2013


Especially that one. It looks like a rabbit (nsfw).
posted by Brody's chum at 4:05 PM on May 13, 2013


I just got to DEV.

Through no fault but my own, I am disappoint.
posted by RolandOfEld at 7:54 AM on May 15, 2013


You have eaten 2.79405925321256e+100 candies!
posted by shakespeherian at 8:15 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


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