Join 3,424 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Fart Proudly by Benjamin Franklin (1781)
May 15, 2013 10:29 AM   Subscribe

A confluence of factors has pushed me to post the following missive from one Benjamin Franklin–a noted American humorist who also did some other stuff. If from an overindulgence in rich and fatty foods on Fat Tuesday, you find yourself surfeit with internal pressure, follow the advice of a founding father…
posted by Blasdelb (27 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
Benjamin Franklin, an early pioneer in Synthetic Biology
posted by Blasdelb at 10:35 AM on May 15, 2013


I used to teach this to my 11 Grade American lit students because I was required to teach excerpts of his autobiography and the humor in that was so dry as to be lost on them. Fart Proudly, though . . . hardly a dry eye in the house after that one.
posted by Seamus at 10:42 AM on May 15, 2013


*lights match*
posted by jonmc at 10:51 AM on May 15, 2013


That so retain’d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.

B Frank knows someone who died from holding a fart in? Damn.
posted by 256 at 10:51 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


A founding father of not just America, but also the fart patio.
posted by ErikaB at 10:53 AM on May 15, 2013


B Frank knows someone who died from holding a fart in? Damn.

And you think you know some tight asses.
posted by Mooski at 10:54 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745)

(May be familiar to Assassin's Creed 3 players.)
posted by radwolf76 at 10:59 AM on May 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses

spoken like someone who has never lived with a vegan
posted by nathancaswell at 11:03 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.
posted by Splunge at 11:08 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


  He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate;

As I read this, my brain subtly inflects the capitalized nouns in such a way that it gets even funnier. Also, we really need to resurrect the phrase "afford a Stink".
posted by lumosh at 11:08 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fart humor is clearly timeless. Mark Twain's Conversation as it was by the Social Fireside is another fun one - "fragrant gloom" and "clear my nether throat" are among my favorite terrible phrases.
posted by DingoMutt at 11:12 AM on May 15, 2013 [6 favorites]


Just knowing that farts come out of someone's fundament makes them unpleasant. Wouldn't matter much if they smelled good.
posted by ChuckRamone at 11:15 AM on May 15, 2013


"fragrant gloom" and "clear my nether throat" are among my favorite terrible phrases.

For some reason, these remind me of the elegant variation in romance novels.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:22 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


follow the advice of a founding farther…
posted by backseatpilot at 11:25 AM on May 15, 2013 [2 favorites]


spoken like someone who has never lived with a vegan

I heard somewhere that vegan food is rill cabbagey
posted by grobstein at 11:27 AM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fart humor is clearly timeless.

Aristophanes loved a good fart joke as well; it's been there basically from the beginning.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:31 AM on May 15, 2013


A confluence of flatulence.
posted by scratch at 11:35 AM on May 15, 2013


Farts are funny, but old timey random Capitalization always makes things Funnier.
posted by brundlefly at 11:45 AM on May 15, 2013


but old timey random Capitalization always makes things Funnier.

It's not random. It's the Nouns.
posted by chillmost at 12:05 PM on May 15, 2013


Mostly, although he capitalizes "Varying" and "Expressing" at least. Unless I'm missing something.
posted by brundlefly at 12:09 PM on May 15, 2013


Good FRANKLIN reads our modern Prose and Frowns:
"Why do I Find no Capitals on Nouns?"
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:12 PM on May 15, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Oatmeal: Tipping and Tooting
posted by homunculus at 12:46 PM on May 15, 2013


Mark Twain's Conversation as it was by the Social Fireside

Also known as "1601".
posted by 445supermag at 12:53 PM on May 15, 2013


I should possibly point out that Franklin was writing before the invention of the elevator.
posted by irrelephant at 1:21 PM on May 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is true. I think even Poor Richard would be forced to admit letting one rip on an elevator is wrong on many levels.
posted by radwolf76 at 1:40 PM on May 15, 2013


This thread was worth it for "1601" alone. I can't believe I never even heard of that. Pitch-perfect and so, so funny.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:06 PM on May 15, 2013


Exactly 261 Years Ago, Ben Franklin Flew a Kite in a Lightning Storm
posted by homunculus at 2:22 PM on June 10, 2013


« Older How America Commie-Baited A Baseball Hero...  |  Slate's Matthew Yglesias 'Bold... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments