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May 17, 2013 6:49 AM   Subscribe

I turned around to face an approaching figure. It was Larry Page, naked, save for a pair of eyeglasses. “Welcome to Google Island. I hope my nudity doesn’t bother you. We’re completely committed to openness here. Search history. Health data. Your genetic blueprint. One way to express this is by removing clothes to foster experimentation. It’s something I learned at Burning Man,” he said.
posted by Horace Rumpole (30 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite

 
It's a lovely article. By Metafilter's own emptyage, who seems to have some of the acid left over from that time he went to CES.
posted by Nelson at 6:53 AM on May 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


Lucky guess, who isn't interested in cephalopods?
posted by BeeDo at 6:57 AM on May 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


Is this another puff piece for google?

Just wait until they drop support.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:05 AM on May 17, 2013


Google paralyzed Larry's vocal cords.
posted by srboisvert at 7:07 AM on May 17, 2013


@Mat is hilarious, the only tech person I follow on twitter. But this shit is way too real to be funny.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:08 AM on May 17, 2013


Good lord I hope no one looks at my history.

"This hypodchondriac sure likes a lot of James Deen, Dragoncon costumes, and popping videos. What a hot mess.
posted by stormpooper at 7:09 AM on May 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


robots.txt
posted by steef at 7:11 AM on May 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


> "removing clothes to foster experimentation"

Is that what they're calling it these days?
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:12 AM on May 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


See the continuation of this slashfic on my Archive of Our Own page.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:15 AM on May 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Right about then, I kicked Larry's bollocks through the roof of his mouth."
posted by GallonOfAlan at 7:21 AM on May 17, 2013


"If democracy worked so well, if a majority public opinion made something right, we would still have Jim Crow laws and Google Reader."

Awesome. Someone needs to turn this article into a scifi book series.
posted by mrbill at 7:25 AM on May 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Heh, I was just gonna post that quote. Too slow.

I like the crazy part of Google. For example, I like the early videos being made with Glass. Nevertheless, that is some spiky, funny stuff Mat wrote.
posted by massless at 7:26 AM on May 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ha, I also came here to say OUCH to the Google Reader quote. Too soon, too soon!
posted by jessypie at 7:30 AM on May 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


I like the crazy part of Google. For example, I like the early videos being made with Glass.

Also, they are actively working on building a physical quantum computer. Which is crazy but awesome and I'm glad they have the money to take that risk.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 7:31 AM on May 17, 2013


Someone needs to turn this article into a scifi book series.

I think it was called Logan's Run.
posted by localroger at 7:31 AM on May 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


I... I'm sorry. I couldn't read that but a few sentences here and there. It's ... too creepy.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:33 AM on May 17, 2013


Welcome to Google Island.

Ze Pain! Ze Pain!

*rings bell

Boss! Ze pain is here!
posted by The Riker Who Mounts the World at 7:44 AM on May 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


if a majority public opinion made something right, we would still have Jim Crow laws and Google Reader.
Damn you Honan.
posted by DigDoug at 7:47 AM on May 17, 2013


"This hypodchondriac sure likes a lot of James Deen, Dragoncon costumes, and popping videos. What a hot mess.


I am not sure what a popping video is, but especially in the context of "a hot mess", it has to be better than my first misreading.
posted by running order squabble fest at 7:50 AM on May 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ze Pain! Ze Pain!

I read that as Ze Palin! Ze Palin!

I am not sure if I should be confused or not.
posted by Mezentian at 8:15 AM on May 17, 2013


This really could be developed (by someone who isn't me) into a very interesting nearish-future sci-fi world. I've been thinking for a while now of Google and Anonymous as becoming really godlike.

They both work with sets of data so large that an individual literally can't fathom them and methods that are unknowable to those of us on the outside. All we can really do about either of them at this point is that they continue to move more in the "good" direction than the "evil."
posted by cmoj at 8:47 AM on May 17, 2013


This is some serious RICHH stuff.
posted by zippy at 9:19 AM on May 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


They gave us their locations so that we might better tell them if it was raining outside.

This made me chuckle because it reminded me of a story from when I was at Google. The search UI sometimes shows boxes that have additional content related to your search. For instance, if you search on "Red Sox" you get a box with the time and location of the next game and the result of the last game. It's a nice feature. However, the logic is a bit complicated. A baseball game might be in progress, or in extra innings, or there might be a doubleheader. Or if it's the offseason it doesn't make sense to show this part of the UI.

Or the game might be in a rain delay. For a short time there was a bug in that part of the code that caused the web server running it to crash. So if it started raining somewhere that a major league baseball game was being played, the web servers started crashing all over the place. The bug was not easy to find, but they fixed it pretty quickly, as you might expect.
posted by A dead Quaker at 9:47 AM on May 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


They gave us their locations so that we might better tell them if it was raining outside.

Ooooh, I missed that. Nice zinger on the iPhone commercial with Zooey whatshername asking Siri if it's raining, while standing next to a window.
posted by mrbill at 9:50 AM on May 17, 2013


I am nude right now!

Anyone want to experiment?
posted by Samizdata at 10:27 AM on May 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


Someone needs to turn this article into a scifi book series.

It reminded me of The Metamorphosis of Prime Intellect (except without the strong violence and sexuality themes, and Google itself taking things over from Sergei and Larry... previously on the blue).
posted by 1367 at 1:38 PM on May 17, 2013


without the strong violence and sexuality themes

Both stories do start off with the primary character not wearing any clothes.
posted by localroger at 3:30 PM on May 17, 2013


“Larry, there’s only one set of footprints. How did…”

Best line.
posted by maryr at 8:51 PM on May 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wait, no flying penises?
posted by dhartung at 3:54 AM on May 18, 2013


Can I choose a naked Sergey Brin instead, please?

*That's* an island I would visit.
posted by yellowcandy at 11:23 AM on May 18, 2013


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