Maybe it's the fedora?
May 23, 2013 10:52 PM   Subscribe

This post was deleted for the following reason: I get that this is meant to be an amusing light satire, but there's really nowhere to go with a discussion on this that isn't the same old tired "friendzone" fight we've had a million times. Maybe this could work as part of a different kind of post, but as is it's kind of straight-up fight fodder. -- taz



 
I wish all this mocking of the idea of the friend zone and Nice Guys was around when I was a kid. Its such a toxic mindset to be in, and its great that people are moving beyond it.

that said, i have had women actually say 'I friendzoned him', but it works in reverse too
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 10:57 PM on May 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


It is because of penis.

ALSO: gay men have a similar problem. "I can only relate to you as a sex object/potential boyfriend and I refuse to associate with you now that it's not going to happen" is almost a trope in gay culture.
posted by Avenger at 10:58 PM on May 23, 2013


Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all?

Yes. Please.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:00 PM on May 23, 2013


Having been boyfriend-zoned by both men and women, I don't think there's anything particularly noteworthy about this.
posted by unSane at 11:05 PM on May 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't understand how both women and men don't understand this. If you're a man, you shouldn't be in situations with women where you're looking to hook up if the girl is pretty clear on being just friends. If you're a woman you shouldn't lead on a man and get all the relationship feels you can get if the man thinks you'll hook up. That's not cool either. And let's not pretend that sex or relationship feels are more important one from the other. It's just how men and women usually want more of than the other.

But I'm sure this will develop into a man hating thread. On reddit it would develop into a woman hating thing. Either way, I just don't get it.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 11:06 PM on May 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Note: the link is satire.
posted by eviemath at 11:09 PM on May 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


I LOL already on reading the link text. Short and sweet article!
posted by Harald74 at 11:10 PM on May 23, 2013


Note: the link is satire.

It pains me that this needs to be said.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:11 PM on May 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


that said, i have had women actually say 'I friendzoned him', but it works in reverse too


Yes, in that case it is called "Aw, but you're one of the guys!"

NB: as with "friendzoning" there is a point at which the dude will eventually get drunk/horny/desperate/lonely/revenge-y at his ex girlfriend, and he will make a mushy "confession" and sleep with the "one of the guys" girl. But afterwards he will disavow all confessions and mock her for sleeping with him and thinking it would be a "thing." Ask me how I know. please don't ask

People: they treat people terribly all the time, independently of genitalia. True equality at last. :/
posted by like_a_friend at 11:12 PM on May 23, 2013


eviemath

It's the satire where you get to make a statement and then if no one agrees with you you get to make the whinging "But I was just joookiinnngg". Which is kind of lame and pathetic. The author was clearly taking the idea of the friend zone that men use in response to women when women single men out for friendship and turning it on its head to make the point that men often single women out for sex. While both of these are shitty situations the author comes off as rather misandric, implying that the reverse situation is more apt.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 11:13 PM on May 23, 2013


It's the satire where you get to make a statement and then if no one agrees with you you get to make the whinging "But I was just joookiinnngg".

You keep saying these words, but none of them means what you think it means.
posted by like_a_friend at 11:14 PM on May 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love this as much as anyone could love a thing.
posted by jaduncan at 11:15 PM on May 23, 2013


like_a_friend

That's a rather neat way of saying "nuh uh!" without pointing out, in any way, how anything I have said is incorrect.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 11:15 PM on May 23, 2013


But I'm sure this will develop into a man hating thread. On reddit it would develop into a woman hating thing. Either way, I just don't get it.

No, we can be better than that and hate on idiotic evo psych bullshit like the author does.
posted by jaduncan at 11:16 PM on May 23, 2013


If you're a man, you shouldn't be in situations with women where you're looking to hook up if the girl is pretty clear on being just friends.

The thing is, for the kind of guys who use phrases like Friend Zone and Nice Guy its a big step for us to even get to the point of just asking out girls. So its great advice, but we need to be told 'hey, just tell a girl you're interested. it probably won't mess up your friendship, and if it does than it wasn't an honest friendship'
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 11:16 PM on May 23, 2013


While both of these are shitty situations the author comes off as rather misandric, implying that the reverse situation is more apt.

Were you using 'misandric' satirically, because I want to know if i'm laughing with or at you.
posted by empath at 11:17 PM on May 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yes, in that case it is called "Aw, but you're one of the guys!"

I think its just the same. There are girls I'm not attracted to who stay friends with me because they are attracted to me and there are girls I've been friends with for so long that it would be weird if anything did happen between us.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 11:18 PM on May 23, 2013


Charlemagne In Sweatpants

Oh no doubt, no doubt. In that case the fear of rejection means that the man is continuing to be the friend of the girl even though he's mostly interested in being boyfriend/girlfriend. The coming out is super important then. I was more thinking of the situation where a guy goes into a situation knowing she's not interested and trying to be a player type. Those people are skeevy.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 11:19 PM on May 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with.

Even in satire this irks me. Evolution blessed us with large brains that make an extremely wide range of response options possible. We are wired such that we have a choice whether to be MRAs or decent human beings.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:20 PM on May 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


um, women do this same thing to men all the time.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 11:20 PM on May 23, 2013


Empath

Misogyny and misandry are opposites of the same phenomenon. Women can other men just as men can other women. I'm not really sure how this is confusing for you.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 11:21 PM on May 23, 2013


TFA: I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

Well, one day when you can relate to people as individuals, then it might be worth looking out for that male friend. Until that, as 'they' 'never' say what they mean, then perhaps stick to other kinds of humans.
posted by pompomtom at 11:21 PM on May 23, 2013


ishrinkmajeans: "eviemath

It's the satire where you get to make a statement and then if no one agrees with you you get to make the whinging "But I was just joookiinnngg". Which is kind of lame and pathetic. The author was clearly taking the idea of the friend zone that men use in response to women when women single men out for friendship and turning it on its head to make the point that men often single women out for sex. While both of these are shitty situations the author comes off as rather misandric, implying that the reverse situation is more apt.
"

But misandry isn't real tho
posted by ShawnStruck at 11:21 PM on May 23, 2013


In my experience, people of both genders are often willing to have sex with their friends. Which leads me to believe that if you think that you're not getting any because you've been "friendzoned", you're probably overestimating your general attractiveness.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 11:22 PM on May 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


But misandry isn't real tho

Nope, you're wrong. I'm kind of embarrassed you think that actually. You mean it's possible for some men to have an irrational hatred of women but the reverse isn't true? Clearly misogyny exists. There can't be women who have an irrational hatred of men, or generalize men to be the worst instances of their stereotype? This would be news to me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misandry
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 11:23 PM on May 23, 2013


Wow, the comments on this went downhill fast, didn't they? For what it's worth, eviemath, I smirked.
posted by smoke at 11:25 PM on May 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ok, it's not that misandry isn't real, it's that in our current power structure it's about as real as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man. Which is to say, powerful in certain imaginations, but actually more or less just a construct that affects the society in almost zero ways.

The reason I didn't address anything specific about your sentence is that the entire thing was so thoroughly delusional I didn't know where to start. You don't know what satire is, what misandry is, what whinging is, I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.
posted by like_a_friend at 11:26 PM on May 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nope, you're wrong. I'm kind of embarrassed you think that actually.

Flagged as the most idiotic derail possible.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:26 PM on May 23, 2013


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