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Like everything else, cocktail menus have grown decadent...
May 24, 2013 11:13 AM   Subscribe

Make way for the $21 Long Island Ice Tea: The trshy summer cocktail goes upscale (The Awl)
posted by The Whelk (101 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
Several years ago I was staying with some friends in Pennsylvania and the night before my bus ride back home Becca proposed that we make some Long Island ice teas. We made a pitcher and retired to the couch where Tom played Katamari and Becca and I watched and cheered him on. Eventually we finished the pitcher (!!) and Becca went and made a second pitcher (!!!) and it was just the three of us and then suddenly it was the morning and my head was NOT HAPPY WITH ME and I found Tom and said 'Fuck how much did we drink last night?' and he said 'I know, Jesus, I had like two glasses of that stuff, I think Becca had three.'

The bus ride was unpleasant.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:18 AM on May 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


trshy

The only correct way to describe a LIIT
posted by wcfields at 11:21 AM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've decided I meant to do that based on the number of mimosas consumed at lunch.
posted by The Whelk at 11:23 AM on May 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


Man, the website of the guy who invented the drink (linked in the article) is like a wonderful sort of time machine.
posted by jbickers at 11:23 AM on May 24, 2013


its reputation is basically on par with rufinol

The reputation of something fictional?
posted by RogerB at 11:24 AM on May 24, 2013


1/4 ounce Averna amaro
1/4 ounce Campari
1/4 ounce pisco
1/4 ounce St. Germain
1/4 ounce cointreau
1/4 ounce gin
1/4 ounce Pernod
1/4 ounce rye
1/4 ounce apple brandy
1/4 ounce Benedictine
Juice of half a lemon
1/4 ounce simple syrup


Herein lies the problem: have you ever tried pouring one quarter ounce? Inevitably it winds up as a half ounce and, wait, is this a jigger? which ones bigger again?ughhh i feel sick.
posted by Think_Long at 11:25 AM on May 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


mmosas?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:25 AM on May 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Thank you, I'll stick with my $14 martini.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 11:25 AM on May 24, 2013


He didn't order an upscale long island iced tea (or claim to); he ordered a long island iced tea at an expensive bar. Also they seem to be no more popular than they have been in recent years.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 11:27 AM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


These sound like a totes amazing way to get completely smashed (and to generate a ridiculous bar tab).
posted by vuron at 11:29 AM on May 24, 2013


If beer if proof god loves us, the Long Island ice tea is a natural counterpoint.
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:29 AM on May 24, 2013 [14 favorites]


I can definitely see a person liking the taste of a Long Island Ice Tea enough to drink it, and I won't judge that, but I've never gotten the "I want this because it will get me drunk fast" thing. In my entire drinking life, I've never had trouble getting drunk. Pretty much any cocktail can be made strong, and it will get you drunk fast if you drink it fast. A large enough glass of whiskey will get you drunk as fast as you care to drink it. Getting drunk has never been the hard part for me, and I don't see the need to go out of my way to find the drink that will get me the drunkest the fastest.

Is this what getting old is like?
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:30 AM on May 24, 2013 [22 favorites]


This Bloody Mary is so much better.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:30 AM on May 24, 2013 [8 favorites]


Eh, sorry cocktails aren't as crappy as they once were. I will gladly drop $10 for a barrel aged negroni once in a while and enjoy the hell out of it. But no bar has ever refused me a glass of well gin and lime.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:30 AM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've been noticing and wondering about the status of long island ice teas here in Northern England. They're definitely becoming a popular drink around the bars of York, but nobody knows what the hell it is and the drink doesn't have all the baggage and history that it does in the US. So you get this trend that isn't really based on old indices, but new and random things, from who is making it and who is ordering it and for what reasons. It's interesting to observe (and the social meanings of various beers and drinks has been super fascinating to me anyway...Stella being my favorite example of "drink that is perceived wildly differently on different sides of the pond." And don't even get me started on how many ways people here can screw up a bloody mary, lord almighty.)

I'm about to head out to the pub in 5 min and I can guarantee that one of my friends will be drinking these...when that happens, I always ask why. May or may not report back.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:30 AM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Happy to say I haven't had one in 30 years. With any luck will not have one in the next 30 years either.
posted by aught at 11:31 AM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Jeebus a couple weeks ago we went up to Monterey for a car race at Laguna Seca along with the brother-in-law and his two boys, 22 and 16, and the 22 year old decided he wanted to follow up his White Russian with a Long Island Iced Tea, and I looked at his dad, who looked back at me, and I said, "Jeebus, man, you need to learn some more cocktails, because now you've embarrassed me twice in front of the cocktail waitress," and he looked at me and smirked as if to say, "I have not even begun to embarrass you with my choice of cocktails."
posted by notyou at 11:36 AM on May 24, 2013 [35 favorites]


Bulgaroktonos: "I can definitely see a person liking the taste of a Long Island Ice Tea enough to drink it, and I won't judge that, but I've never gotten the "I want this because it will get me drunk fast" thing. In my entire drinking life, I've never had trouble getting drunk. Pretty much any cocktail can be made strong, and it will get you drunk fast if you drink it fast."

I think the thing is that an Long Island Iced Tea IS quite strong, but doesn't really TASTE that strong. Yeah, you could theoretically just drink big glasses of tequila, but a good LIIT tastes fairly mild, for whatever reason.

I'm a beer drinker, and don't care for most liquor, especially of any particular strength. And I have had large quantities of LIIT without issue. Well, without issue getting it down, many issues standing up after.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:38 AM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


This and the Magic Hat thread will end up punching me in the wallet.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:42 AM on May 24, 2013


The photo attached with the article is eerily reminscient of my friends in Atlanta, replete with the pack of Parliament Lights off to his side.

This seemed a natural place to conclude my experiment. The Long Island Iced Tea was now demystified. I took three sips. Then I dumped it down the sink and finished the Corona.

Well jesus, Moneybags McRichguy, unless you had all those liquors in your cabinet, that was a waste of booze. Asshole.
posted by Kitteh at 11:45 AM on May 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


"I think the thing is that an Long Island Iced Tea IS quite strong, but doesn't really TASTE that strong. Yeah, you could theoretically just drink big glasses of tequila, but a good LIIT tastes fairly mild, for whatever reason."

Watching long islands being made in a chotch-bar is kinda magical.

The bartender will grab four bottles of clear liquor, commence a long pour of all four at once until the glass is full, at which point the bartender adds a lemon and what should be considered an ornamental amount of cola... and presto, the drink tastes like sweat, dangerous, nothingness.

All for about what a double well drink costs. Glad I haven't been depressed enough to order one of those guys in recent memory.
posted by midmarch snowman at 11:47 AM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


There was a place, nearby to where I went to college, that served its Long Islands in a Maß for $6. They wouldn't ever serve you more than two per visit.

I am horrified to admit that it was practice among my friends to drink them quickly and then get back in the car and take the back roads back to town, in the almost certainly mistaken belief that you could get home and park before you were too drunk to drive.

I don't remember when I stopped drinking these, but I haven't had one in at least ten years and I kind of want to make one all of a sudden, although this weekend I'll probably go with a Tom Collins instead.
posted by gauche at 11:47 AM on May 24, 2013


They ought to call it a LARGE Island Iced Tea ... no wait ... long is better.
posted by Daily Alice at 11:48 AM on May 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


I think H-bombs are one of the preferred methods for getting completely smashed anymore. Something about that light blue color makes it more acceptable.
posted by vuron at 11:54 AM on May 24, 2013


A maß of LIIT? For six bucks?

That's not a drink. That's a weapon of mass destruction.
posted by eriko at 11:55 AM on May 24, 2013 [7 favorites]


The only reason to pay so much for a drink is if it comes with a side of some excellent live music.
posted by srboisvert at 11:57 AM on May 24, 2013


A litre of alcohol for $6 that has got to be some really bottom rung alcohol in terms of quality. You have to drink it fast because it's so disgusting.
posted by vuron at 11:57 AM on May 24, 2013


Hell, if PBR and other budget beers have been reclaimed from uncoolness and tequila's been turned into an upscale small-batch artisanal booze, why not reinvigorate the Long Island Iced Tea? We can have image interventions for Boone's Strawberry Hill Wine and kaoliang.
posted by spamandkimchi at 11:58 AM on May 24, 2013


Hell, if PBR and other budget beers have been reclaimed from uncoolness and tequila's been turned into an upscale small-batch artisanal booze, why not reinvigorate the Long Island Iced Tea? We can have image interventions for Boone's Strawberry Hill Wine and kaoliang.

When I think of Boone's Farm, I think of this guy I knew named Scotty Bowman, who drank a bunch one night, and when I saw him the next day, said to me, "I woke up in a ditch."
posted by MoonOrb at 12:04 PM on May 24, 2013 [8 favorites]


Just don't order one from a TGIF in New Jersey.
posted by octothorpe at 12:11 PM on May 24, 2013 [8 favorites]


Remember kids, the proportions of the Long Island Iced Tea make it ideal for sneaking booze from your parents' liquor cabinet undetected!
posted by Sys Rq at 12:17 PM on May 24, 2013 [13 favorites]


If you're spending $21 on a drink and it isn't a decent scotch served neat in a heavy glass then something is broken.

Now please, the exit off my lawn is thataway.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:18 PM on May 24, 2013 [12 favorites]


This place serves them in mini-pitchers, about the size of a Maß. I remember once having about ten over the course of an evening...well, truth be told, I don't remember very much of it.
posted by Chrysostom at 12:18 PM on May 24, 2013


If you're spending $21 on a drink and it isn't a decent scotch served neat in a heavy glass then something is broken.

Now please, the exit off my lawn is thataway.


That was perfectly executed Ron Swanson. Kudos.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:23 PM on May 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


I had a Long Island Iced Tea for my 21st birthday, at the Space Room in Portland, OR, the kind of bar you go to on your 21st birthday to get girl drink drunk. It was perfect. I'm glad to say I went back to the Space Room last year with a couple of Metafilter celebrities and it's still excellent. Only now they serve fancy tater tots with sriracha on them, a sort of Asian/Trash fusion cuisine.
posted by Nelson at 12:24 PM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


and presto, the drink tastes like sweat, dangerous, nothingness.

Correct, midmarch snowman, the drink tastes like sweat. Specifically, wrung out gym sock sweat.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 12:25 PM on May 24, 2013


This has nothing specific to do with Long Island Ice Tea, but because someone said "tea" and "alcohol" I just want to comment that Firefly Vodka (sweet tea flavored, 70 proof stuff) and lemonade is the greatest cocktail ever made. Make it 50/50 (at least, stronger is fine, you might actually taste the vodka at higher levels) with some ice, go sit on the back porch in the sun and waste away a day.
posted by ish__ at 12:26 PM on May 24, 2013 [8 favorites]


I like Long Islands. I'm a relatively slow drinker, so the whole "drink any cocktail fast" thing isn't super fun for me, so Long Islands are pretty much exactly the right amount of liquor to get me completely trashed while drinking at about the same rate I'd drink any other cocktail. Though I don't like them when places make them with tequila, since tequila just tastes nasty to me. Hurricanes work just as well, but different places seem to make them differently.

Firefly Vodka is quite good-- I'm a fan of sweet tea and Firefly vodka, though that's partially because ordering something called a Firefly Icepick is super fun. Jeremiah Weed is pretty good too if you're looking for a cross between Firefly and those gummy peach circles.
posted by NoraReed at 12:31 PM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


The first drink I ever drank was a Hurricane. The second was a Long Island Iced Tea.

Not on the same day, though.

Neither made me sick...it was the party where I had 3 mudslides in a row that did that.

This weekend I'm having a party and making a big 'ol batch of sangria, which is the classier version of "take your leftover booze, maybe put some fruit in it or other flavoring in there, proceed to get drunk."
posted by emjaybee at 12:32 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


And lo, the bartender spoketh to him 1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 12:33 PM on May 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Mother's Day I wanted to make a fancy brunch drink. I simmered some local strawberries in simple syrup and strained it, then started topping off glasses of Prosecco with this concoction. I dubbed it a "MOMOSA," and a good time was had by all.

The next morning I realized what I found so enchanting about them: they tasted just like Boone's Strawberry Hill. I accidentally made artisanal Boone's. And I loved it.
posted by little mouth at 12:33 PM on May 24, 2013 [26 favorites]


LIITs are in the category of "alcoholic drinks that don't taste like they have alcohol in them." Nowadays that includes a bunch of cocktails of the -tini variety (Pumpkintini! Cotton Candytini! Charleston Chewtini!) but I suppose back in the '70s it was a relatively new concept. It might also be connected with the rise of vodka as America's favorite spirit, which lends itself better to making sweet and fruity-tasting drinks better than others.

In college, I didn't see many people drinking LIITs, at least when spirits were on offer. But I did see, perhaps owing to The Big Lebowski, which had just begun to attain cult status, a lot of White Russians. If you make them right, they taste like chocolate milkshakes! And after two or three of those, you're sure to embarrass yourself somehow.
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:34 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


When I was 18, I was foolish enough to drink four Long Island ice teas at a club that was foolish enough to serve me, purchased by a friend that was foolish enough to buy them for me.

I mercifully do not remember much else besides trying to pass out out the door of a moving jeep and sobbing on the floor of a gas station men's room, after which I blacked out and apparently missed all the good stuff (dry heaving all night, how i ended up wearing smiley face boxer shorts.)

That was the last time I ever drank a LIIT. You couldn't pay me to drink one again.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:35 PM on May 24, 2013


There used to be a restaurant in my hometown called the Shady Inn. Traditional US steak-and-a-cocktail kind of place. The bartender was this old-school professional named Hazel. She smoked constantly and made a damn good cocktail. We loved her.

If you ordered a LIIT from her, she'd size you up first and see if she thought you could handle it, and she reserved the right to refuse. Don't like it? Go down the street.

One night a bunch of half-lit college kids came in and one ordered a LIIT. She got the order from the waitress, asked who the orderer was, leaned over the bar to get a look at him and shook her head. What followed was the predictable back-and-forth: Hazel wasn't going to serve this poor jerk, and the waitress wasn't going to lose a big table. Finally Hazel shrugged, said "you're cleaning it up", and poured the drink.

The waitress cleaned it up.
posted by middleclasstool at 12:37 PM on May 24, 2013 [17 favorites]


One afternoon near the end of my junior year, a couple of friends and I skipped classes and spent the afternoon swimming at the local Y. Then, tired in that way you can only be when you're young and healthy, we went to our favorite bar and got absolutely hammered on Long Island Iced Tea.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:40 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I remember drinking these in college, and then going to a midnight showing of Fritz The Cat in the student theater. And then...I sort of remember collecting my girlfriend, who had gone off to the restroom and passed out in a hallway on the way back. The next day...

No. Never again.
posted by jquinby at 12:45 PM on May 24, 2013


There's a reason they're called a bad decision in a glass.
posted by theredpen at 12:48 PM on May 24, 2013


Nowadays that includes a bunch of cocktails of the -tini variety (Pumpkintini! Cotton Candytini! Charleston Chewtini!) but I suppose back in the '70s it was a relatively new concept.

I have a friend who is a big fan of appletinis and despite being able to stomach all kinds of booze, including straight booze, they are too strong for me. Cutting vodka with apple pucker? Who thought this was a good idea? Still, she orders it everywhere she goes, even when it's obviously a bad idea, like the time my wife (who has no bartender training) got drunk and snuck behind the bar and started just mixing random drinks for people before they kicked her out.

If you've ever been to Recessions in DC, this story makes sense, a lot of shit flies there that doesn't other places.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:52 PM on May 24, 2013


I don't ordinarily order that - but when we were in Bali, the Balinese, who are generally super-nice people, don't really understand that you might actually like alcohol, so serve you drinks with all sorts of fancy things but very little alcohol.

But if you order a Long Island "Ice" Tea (I'd call it an "Iced" Tea myself) there, they pretty well have to put in enough alcohol that you get some effect.

Beer for me, nearly all the time, so I don't really have a dog in this fight...
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 12:59 PM on May 24, 2013


These used to be my go to drink. I'd get them with the toofer specials. A guy by the name of Dave made them for me. I think they made their our sour or something, because these things were great. I remember one night Dave was gone, and I think the substitute bartender guy was named Paul. He makes me one, asks how it is, I said, "Pretty good, but not as strong as what Dave makes." So the next one was super strong (I had no complaints about the first). Say the same after the second. And the third. By the time I am done with the fourth I don't think there's any sour or Coke. I decide to shake it up with the fifth and order a "Newport Tea," which is the same thing, but has cranberry juice in it or some crap like that. Somewhere during that drink the first four catch up with me, but this is toofers man, and I already paid. I remember making it to the end of that one, remember starting the next, then I was waking up in my apartment and some asshole had puked mushrooms in the sink! Seriously, snuck into a locked apartment where I was staying alone and puked in the sink!

I've never had Long Island Iced Teas that were as good as Dave made them or as strong as Paul since. I kind of don't even bother trying anymore. Everything is a damn mix these days or comes in a bottle already done. Screw that.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:04 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Grandma's in Duluth has pitchers of them for $3 in the 90s as I recall....dimly.
posted by ian1977 at 1:04 PM on May 24, 2013


...the 22 year old decided he wanted to follow up his White Russian with a Long Island Iced Tea, and I looked at his dad, who looked back at me, and I said, "Jeebus, man, you need to learn some more cocktails, because now you've embarrassed me twice in front of the cocktail waitress...

Wait what? Are White Russians uncool now? Is this because of Dude overexposure or something?
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:28 PM on May 24, 2013


I once puked White Russians and they came out my nose like warm cottage cheese. It was decades before I'd touch one again. It was that movie that got me to try them again.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:32 PM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


No one else commented on this?

"It was always my suggestion to buy them for girls," he said. "One of those, most young girls were staggering. Two and you were out in the car."

Jeez, dude, why not just call it a roofietini?
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:35 PM on May 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


Are White Russians uncool now? Is this because of Dude overexposure or something?

I only drink Brandy Alexanders, because Lee Remick drank them in that one film.
posted by tigrefacile at 1:35 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


We made pitchers of LIITs in college, but our recipe was nothing like the one on the linked page - I think the only ingredients in common are the gin and triple sec (and we sure as hell weren't getting cointreau). Ours had 3 parts of a bunch of varieties of alcohol, 3 parts sweet & sour mix, and 6 parts Coke. I think the alcohol involved was gin, triple sec, vermouth, light rum, dark rum, and maybe vodka. I'm guessing that's probably a lot closer to the drink served at most bars than what's talked about here.
posted by LionIndex at 1:43 PM on May 24, 2013



I only drink Brandy Alexanders, because Lee Remick drank them in that one film.

Also what Peggy drank during her hilariously bad blind date in Season One of Mad Men.
posted by The Whelk at 1:44 PM on May 24, 2013


When I was in middle school, my parents had been divorced for a while, and I was living with my mom while she was trying to do the whole dating thing again.

One guy she dated was pretty awesome in some ways - He was a comedic writer, which is pretty much perfect to win over a middle schooler. He also was REALLY able to hold his liquor. Thankfully, he wasn't the fightin' type, but he was definitely a drinker.

One night, he comes in fairly late on his own while I was up late (probably furiously trying to conquer some NES game), and immediately props the front door to head back out. As I look at it quizzically, he comes in a few seconds later, carrying my mom in a fireman's carry. As they go by, he grins and says, sheepishly, "Sorry, I didn't know she'd never had an long island iced tea before." I remain confused, but make a mental note on this.

The next morning, my mom woke up - in the bathtub. Apparently she was very insistent that the coolness was refreshing, and locked herself in at some point in the night. She laughed about it after the hangover passed.

Note that this was a place that served it in a pint glass with very little ice, so it was a hell of an initiation.

Shortly after I became of drinking age, I went out with a couple of friends to a place that was rather notorious for strong pours for not much money. They ordered LITs, and I figured what the hell - I'll have one as well. I didn't make the connection between the abbreviated and long form, I was just curious, and at that point where I was just trying things.

Guess who woke up in the bathroom the next morning. Must be something in our genes... I finally made the connection between "LIT" and "Long Island Ice Tea" while I was hung over. My Mom was most amused when I told her about this... Especially because, as she was happy to inform me, it at was the same bar.
posted by MysticMCJ at 2:02 PM on May 24, 2013 [17 favorites]


Oh, and this was in Kentucky, I say to the surprise of absolutely NOBODY who is from there.
posted by MysticMCJ at 2:03 PM on May 24, 2013


Only thing I hate more than a customer whom orders a Long Island is someone who orders an Adios Motherfucker (LIIT W/ blue curaçao).

You want the interstate bar-semaphore for I'm a high-maintainence knucklehead who probably can't my liquor, quite possibly gonna cause trouble, and almost definitely won't tip well?

Belly up to the bar with that silly grin on your mug and order an AMF.

If you're not sure the message got through, wait till they've started making the drink and hit em with "Wait, make that three!"
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 2:29 PM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


I guess I'm a little surprised to hear disdain for the LIIT. No, it's not a drink for a cocktail snob—but not everyone is a cocktail snob, at least not all the time. I can appreciate a well made Sazerac or Aviation or what-have-you, but sometimes I just want a rum and Coke, or, you know, a LIIT. I used to get caught up in the social baggage surrounding different kinds of food and drink, and then I realized that it's much easier and more enjoyable to just order something that sounds good and not worry too much what others think of it.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 2:33 PM on May 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


I once asked The Best Bartender In The World if you could tell something about someone based on what they order and she said "Women who drink wine don't wanna have a good time, women who drink beer will nurse it all night, and women who drink whiskey tip well."
posted by The Whelk at 2:33 PM on May 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


My first - and last - LIIT was in some no-name dance club in a strip mall on the eastside of Madison, WI. By the Oscar Mayer meat plant. I was 21, it was NYE, and my gamer friends and I decided that it'd be fun to go out here and dance. Well, the music was polka and Golden Oldies, we were clearly the youngest folks there by decades, and even the 'regulars' didn't look like they were having fun.

But dammit, *we* were going to have fun, because for once, we weren't in a Denny's at 2am after a particularly grueling session of AD&D. They ordered LIITs. And me, being a stranger to this fascinating world of hard alcohol, also ordered one. It was *horrid*. I remember it vaguely tasting like face cleaner, blended with random fruit. They all seemed to love theirs, so I kept on trying to choke mine down, despite it being, well, horrid. I finally gave up 1/3 of the way through and went back to drinking Cokes (along with our Designated Driver), while the rest of the group got completely plastered, soon riding the LIIT Carpet Ship while talking to random senior citizens about their latest Drow Elf Mage.
posted by spinifex23 at 2:35 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Unless I'm in a bar that's specifically about the fancy cocktails, I pretty much stick to shots of Jack with Bud backs, and my bartenders love my crazy ass.
posted by jonmc at 2:50 PM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty sure this thread is giving me a hangover.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:00 PM on May 24, 2013 [7 favorites]


Have a gin and tonic dear, hair of the dog and all that.
posted by The Whelk at 3:01 PM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've made office margaritas with Snapple and lime juice, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:11 PM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


> the 22 year old decided he wanted to follow up his White Russian with a Long Island Iced Tea, and I looked at his dad, who looked back at me, and I said, "Jeebus, man, you need to learn some more cocktails, because now you've embarrassed me twice in front of the cocktail waitress...

Baffling idea all around.

The way to embarrass people is to be rude to the help. Order what gives you pleasure - it's your life.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 3:12 PM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Whelk - Mimosas are for breakfast. Martinis are for lunch. And dinner. Regardless of any actual times.

(i have not read any of the other comments yet because i am having martini dinner and my attention spa
posted by sio42 at 3:21 PM on May 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


And lo, the bartender spoketh to him 1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.


and, lo, the man dranketh, and then he spake - revelations 10:10

It was sweet in my mouth, but when I swallowed it, it turned sour in my stomach.
posted by pyramid termite at 3:37 PM on May 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Jeez, dude, why not just call it a roofietini?

Yeah, in high school we used to call them Rape Juice, as in "can you believe that asshole? i said i wanted a refill on my beer and he came back with rape juice!" SO MANY creeper college dudes downtown were all about trying to get us to drink them. Ugh.
posted by elizardbits at 3:42 PM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


A maß of LIIT? For six bucks?

That's not a drink. That's a weapon of mass destruction.


There's a bar in seattle that has a similar thing going for $10. They also have a version of it that instead of coke has some green liqueur, that's supposedly a "tokyo iced tea" except...not

On my birthday this year, i went in there intending to sit down and do some serious irreversible damage to my internal organs until the place closed, having absolutely no idea that this was not a normal bar and it did not serve normal drinks.

Just after finishing my second one(and a vodka cranberry someone had bought me, which was also a similar affair. I think there was half a pint of vodka in that thing) i escaped the place at a rather horizontal angle, made my way to dicks drive-in on "foot", and proceeded to eat like a starving hyeena with my eyes rolled back in to my head. i then basically gorilla-walked the rest of the way home and woke up at my own house wondering how i teleported from my chair at the bar to bed. i had only been at the bar for, i don't know, a couple hours. It was nowhere near closing time.

This, of course, was all relayed to me through witness accounts, as i basically remember arriving at said bar(in a sport coat! poor apparel choice for what was to ensue) and ordering a drink.

It seriously is a weapon of mass destruction, no question about that at all.
posted by emptythought at 3:57 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I went to ASU in the late 80s and there was a bar called the Devil House. It was a huge dance club and the had a giant patio outside. But the reason we went was happy hour. $2.00 Long Island iced teas in a beer pitcher. It was so fucking hot in the patio it was easy to down two quickly. You didn't really notice you were falling down drunk until you'd stand up to go to the bathroom and you fell down. They had 25¢ hotdogs and hamburgers too. I am lucky to be alive.
posted by birdherder at 4:00 PM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Yeah, in high school we used to call them Rape Juice, as in "can you believe that asshole? i said i wanted a refill on my beer and he came back with rape juice!" SO MANY creeper college dudes downtown were all about trying to get us to drink them. Ugh.

Uuuuuugh.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:02 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


There's a bar in seattle that has a similar thing going for $10.

Which bar?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:04 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


birdherder, there was a similar bar where I went to graduate school, only the hot dogs were free. I am similarly surprised that I am still alive.
posted by King Bee at 4:05 PM on May 24, 2013


There's a bar in seattle that has a similar thing going for $10.

Is that the Nitelite, by any chance? Because holy god, their LIITs are singularly godawful, but by the time you get halfway through one you can no longer feel your face. I... sort of miss them.
posted by palomar at 4:09 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I should mention that about a week ago after a long night of partying, I apparently ( I didnt know until morning) wandered into a liquor store and bought a pint of premade LITT. Tasted lousy, but taken right before bed it will put you right the fuck out,
posted by jonmc at 4:20 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


There's a bar in seattle that has a similar thing going for $10. They also have a version of it that instead of coke has some green liqueur, that's supposedly a "tokyo iced tea" except...not

Which bar? This sounds awful, and also requires investigation.
posted by MoonOrb at 4:33 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anybody else remember the late, lamented Malfunction Junction by Matt Milby?

In one of 'em (that I can't find archived anywhere), he finds his local dive bar is serving one dollar well drinks.

"Octuple gin, splash of lime."

I guess what I'm saying is 1) don't try to get as drunk as you can as quickly as possible, and 2) if you do, at least have the courage of your convictions.
posted by sourcequench at 4:50 PM on May 24, 2013


Reminding me of the time on Cheers when they had nickel beers for the bar's anniversary.

Norm: "Sammy, here's $5, give me 100 beers."
posted by Chrysostom at 5:02 PM on May 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have never had a LIIT. These descriptions of it being more or less like "drinking sweat" guarantee that I will never try one.

But I have had plenty of beer in a Maß!
posted by droplet at 5:11 PM on May 24, 2013


droplet, although I should not encourage anyone to drink Long Islands who otherwise wouldn't, I think that "sweat" was a typo for "sweet." It's a sweet and sour drink that's a lot like drinking an Arnold Palmer (iced tea plus lemonade), basically inoffensive to the palate; but it will shut down your prefrontal cortex, lickitty split.
posted by JimInLoganSquare at 5:27 PM on May 24, 2013


I see the abbreviation LIIT and I'm like, low intensity interval training? That can't be right. And no, it is not.
posted by clavicle at 6:46 PM on May 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


JimInLoganSquare, thanks for the clarification! Still not sure I'd drink it, though.
posted by droplet at 6:56 PM on May 24, 2013


I didn't like beer when I was in college, and the local brew pub served LIIT in pint glasses. The fun thing about them is being able to tell how screwed you'll be the next morning by how clear the drink is. If it's mostly clear, like slightly yellowish water, there's very little coke or sour mix, and you'll be in pain.

I've pretty much given up on mixed drinks, though. Too many all you can drink specials in Japan, and cocktails (perhaps, uh, a lime syrup and shochu cocktail...) go down way too easily, leading to regrettable moments. Beer, at least, tells your stomach to slow down a bit.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:06 PM on May 24, 2013


They also have a version of it that instead of coke has some green liqueur, that's supposedly a "tokyo iced tea" except...not

That'll be Midori liqueur in the Tokyo Tea.

Yeah, that drink sucks too. Also the Long Beach Ice Tea (cranberry juice).
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:26 PM on May 24, 2013


THe off-braodway theater where the musicl Avenue Q has drinks service before the show and during intermission. They had a few existing drinks named after characters-- The Kate-Monster-ita, the Rod-mopolitan. There was one drink inspired by the Bad Idea Bears called simply "The Bad Idea."

When a server walked by, I asked him what the Bad Idea was.

He replied, "Oh, it's Long Island Iced Tea, but in a MUCH larger glass."
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:30 PM on May 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


Look, when you're in a protracted arms race with your liver, you can't afford to mess around.
posted by dephlogisticated at 12:23 AM on May 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Well let's face it, or really, your liver should, in the long run, it's dead, so toss 'em back.
posted by notyou at 1:46 AM on May 25, 2013


It was the Brandy Alexander that led to John Lennon's 70s Lost Weekend and the infamous 'tampon on head in restaurant' night out.
posted by colie at 1:56 AM on May 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I went to ASU in the late 80s and there was a bar called the Devil House. It was a huge dance club and the had a giant patio outside. But the reason we went was happy hour. $2.00 Long Island iced teas in a beer pitcher. It was so fucking hot in the patio it was easy to down two quickly. You didn't really notice you were falling down drunk until you'd stand up to go to the bathroom and you fell down. They had 25¢ hotdogs and hamburgers too. I am lucky to be alive.

I understand inflation, but this kind of thing confounds me. How did this bar make any money with a special like this?
posted by josher71 at 7:30 AM on May 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love reading stories about how one LIIT got someone smashed and they threw up. You folks gotta come Kamikaze drinking with me one night.
posted by Splunge at 11:22 AM on May 25, 2013


Way back in the eighties I used to hang out at at the Brickhouse* in State College, PA which sold entire pitchers of kamikazes for ten dollars each. One winter morning after a night of drinking quite a few pitchers my friend Jeff woke up bloody and bruised from head to toe. His roommate, when asked who he got into a fight with said, no fight, you just ran the whole two miles home on the icy sidewalks falling every ten feet when you weren't slamming headfirst into phone polls. I saw Jeff later that day and he really looked like he'd been beaten up by a gang.

*the full official name of the bar was "Crazy Carl's Brickhouse Tavern (Latest Last Call In Town)".
posted by octothorpe at 6:02 PM on May 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


octothorpe, where was the Brickhouse? It was gone by the time I came to State College in '91.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:05 AM on May 26, 2013


The Brickhouse was torn down around 1990. It was in the little parking lot in the alley behind the Phyrst. Tiny little place. Carl later bought the Post House next door to the bus station.
posted by octothorpe at 5:22 AM on May 27, 2013


Which bar? This sounds awful, and also requires investigation.

The moon temple in Wallingford. Everything about the place is sort of awful-great. I don't think it's been redecorated since the early 70s and there's like big gold-painted wood dragons on the walls. And yea, the drinks are like benders cooking in futurama that ate through the floor. Even a couple of the cheap well drinks(like $4 I think? All the time) will, as said above, completely shut down your prefrontal cortex.

And to someone saying the green stuff is Midori, it's not, they don't have that. It's some kind of like... "Green curaçao" or something that doesn't exist outside of moon temple-land like that.

Seriously though, that place is the origin point of some hangovers the likes of which I haven't experienced since four loko still had caffeine. I woke up going "I didn't ask for this".
posted by emptythought at 2:34 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


It was the Brandy Alexander that led to John Lennon's 70s Lost Weekend and the infamous 'tampon on head in restaurant' night out.

It was a pad.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:48 PM on May 27, 2013


Oh, god, the Moon Temple. I used to hang out there a lot a little over a decade ago, when some friends lived in a house a few blocks away... the drinks there are so insanely strong that at a going away party we threw there once, I had two drinks, passed out under a pool table in the back, and the very sweet old lady barbacking that night came to wake me up for last call. Not to throw me out, to ask if I wanted anything before they shut down for the night, like maybe a shot of Jagermeister or an ambulance.
posted by palomar at 5:25 PM on May 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


I pretty much stick to shots of Jack with Bud backs, and my bartenders love my crazy ass.

Man, that's crap with a crap back, but I admire and salute you for sticking by what you love and treating bartenders right.
posted by eriko at 4:13 PM on May 28, 2013


Man, that's crap with a crap back,

Depends on how you look at it, my friend. I can definitely enjoy upscale bourbon and scotch and microbrews* (on any given weekend I pick up about 6 craft beers and six 24oz's of cheap stuff) and I've been to some cocktail places that have blown my mind, but at my regular joint, I just like getting a cheap easy buzz on, while we listen to old fart music (they let me DJ via my iPod) and for that the Redneck Picnic (what the bar calls the Jack & Bud combo) is just fine.

*It's sort of like being able to enjoy both a dry aged porterhouse from Peter Luger and a slider from White Castle. Are they the same? No. But I like them both and they both have their place in a well balanced life.

(I also took a fellow mefite who was visiting NYC to this place last week and he had what I had and enjoyed himself.FWIW)
posted by jonmc at 4:54 PM on May 28, 2013


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