Sad Dog Diary
June 2, 2013 11:47 AM Subscribe
He's the Alpha but he refuses to mark our territory. I guess I'll have to do it for him.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:03 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:03 PM on June 2, 2013
I laughed harder at that than I have laughed at anything in a long, long time.
posted by Sara C. at 12:07 PM on June 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Sara C. at 12:07 PM on June 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Amazing, and just what I needed on an unexpectedly difficult day. Thank you for sharing this.
posted by gauche at 12:14 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by gauche at 12:14 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
People who enjoy these may also enjoy Henri.
posted by NoraReed at 12:26 PM on June 2, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by NoraReed at 12:26 PM on June 2, 2013 [4 favorites]
The person who made these deserves his own primetime tv show.
posted by Adam_S at 12:31 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Adam_S at 12:31 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ze Frank sees your primetime tv shows, and rejects them, for they are impure.
posted by Mizu at 12:36 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by Mizu at 12:36 PM on June 2, 2013
The best part is that the visuals look like they're out of that Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial that makes me want to cry, but the audio has me laughing my ass off.
posted by olinerd at 12:41 PM on June 2, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by olinerd at 12:41 PM on June 2, 2013 [7 favorites]
So funny, it hurt.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:49 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by From Bklyn at 12:49 PM on June 2, 2013
Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman. Titty Sprinkles.
Sorry, that's all I can hear.
posted by Malice at 1:00 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Sorry, that's all I can hear.
posted by Malice at 1:00 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I hope he does one for parrots, but it would be hard to come up with something funny about someone screaming in your living room for three hours straight.
posted by Calzephyr at 1:14 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Calzephyr at 1:14 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Sad Bird Diary:
Dear Diary, My heart breaks anew each time I see my beloved pairbonded human eschew the delicate ministrations of my allopreening in favor of the callous and unfeeling hairbrush. She shuns my beak in her hair despite all the depth and feeling of our relationship; she pops the quills on the back of my head when i'm molting, and I pick dead skin off her lips when she's not paying enough attention to stop me. Then sadness turns to rage and I shriek and lunge and bite the homewrecking hairbrush, either when in use, or as it sits on the bathroom counter, mocking my impotence.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 1:26 PM on June 2, 2013 [20 favorites]
Dear Diary, My heart breaks anew each time I see my beloved pairbonded human eschew the delicate ministrations of my allopreening in favor of the callous and unfeeling hairbrush. She shuns my beak in her hair despite all the depth and feeling of our relationship; she pops the quills on the back of my head when i'm molting, and I pick dead skin off her lips when she's not paying enough attention to stop me. Then sadness turns to rage and I shriek and lunge and bite the homewrecking hairbrush, either when in use, or as it sits on the bathroom counter, mocking my impotence.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 1:26 PM on June 2, 2013 [20 favorites]
Not quite as funny as Sad Cat Diary, because we expect dogs to be sadly confused by human behavior.
posted by ogooglebar at 2:16 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ogooglebar at 2:16 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I preferred the Sad Cat Diary's better too, but this captures the spirit well enough.
posted by jeffburdges at 2:25 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by jeffburdges at 2:25 PM on June 2, 2013
ogooglebear, that's why I liked the tone of "frustrated scientist attempting to understand the parameters of his world".
posted by Sara C. at 2:33 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by Sara C. at 2:33 PM on June 2, 2013
It also reminded me a lot of Gayle from Breaking Bad.
For some reason it pleases me to think of my dog as Gayle.
I mean, until [SPOILER REDACTED], at least.
posted by Sara C. at 2:34 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
For some reason it pleases me to think of my dog as Gayle.
I mean, until [SPOILER REDACTED], at least.
posted by Sara C. at 2:34 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Combining the two- my cat likes to play MouseFetch. Or at least I thought so, until it occurred to me she might wonder why I keep throwing the stuffed-mouse tribute she brings to me. (Which she then dutifully retrieves and brings to me again.)
posted by NorthernLite at 2:34 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by NorthernLite at 2:34 PM on June 2, 2013
I now have to figure out how to work "but their leg-vagina has not revealed itself" into conversation somehow. This will not be easy.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:20 PM on June 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by zombieflanders at 3:20 PM on June 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
'It's as if a teddy bear mated with a cactus'. This is the best possible description of a cat.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:28 PM on June 2, 2013 [14 favorites]
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:28 PM on June 2, 2013 [14 favorites]
The fact that the cat refers to "the authorities" while the dog refers to "my dearest human" is simply perfect.
posted by fikri at 4:09 PM on June 2, 2013 [16 favorites]
posted by fikri at 4:09 PM on June 2, 2013 [16 favorites]
Cats being held captive by a hostile universe has been done. It's too true to be funny. The dog who has no idea what he just agreed to with his handshake? Gold.
posted by maryr at 4:41 PM on June 2, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by maryr at 4:41 PM on June 2, 2013 [5 favorites]
"ogooglebear"? That's sweet.
posted by ogooglebar at 5:22 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ogooglebar at 5:22 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever watched on the internet.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:36 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:36 PM on June 2, 2013
I laughed so hard there were tears in my eyes.
posted by VTX at 6:55 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by VTX at 6:55 PM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Dear Diary,
Some years ago, the authorities packed their bags and left. In their absence, we have suffered periodic occupation by the Marines*. They brought us a tennis ball, unable to find the hundreds of toys we keep stored underneath the television, but it is cold comfort.
Illness runs rampant through our camp. One of us - the Marines accuse Roxy but it must have been Sophie - suffered from some kind of dysentery on the bedroom floor. Sophie has been off her feed for two entire bowl-fulls, and while she is currently eating a pillow I fear her strength is going.
We received a message from the Postal Service that our aggression will not stand and the mailbox must be moved away from the front door**. They mistake our pleas for freedom for threats of violence. Yet again, we are subject to the prejudices of our captors.
One of us has had our collar removed by the Marines. Just another means of oppressing us, forcing us to parade our nudity.
When Roxy refused to come inside to serve the whims of our occupiers, she was shut outside for the night. Attempts to re-enter the house through the window screen were thwarted, but the damage will at least be irreparable.
Either the wind or our oppressors have closed the bathroom door. GIR has nearly chewed the doorknob off, which will surely reveal the hiding place of the authorities.
We hope for succor, or at least someone to rub our bellies. I fear we may die here.
Oh! Hello hello hello! The authorities have returned, but they carry no scent of mathowie*** and so we do not know if we can trust them.
- The Never Pack
*Our dogsitters are retired Marines.
**This actually happened. We have to move our mailbox because one of the dogs knocked a screen out of the window trying to make friends with the mail carrier.
***Matt wasn't at MaxFunCon this year.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:46 PM on June 2, 2013 [8 favorites]
Some years ago, the authorities packed their bags and left. In their absence, we have suffered periodic occupation by the Marines*. They brought us a tennis ball, unable to find the hundreds of toys we keep stored underneath the television, but it is cold comfort.
Illness runs rampant through our camp. One of us - the Marines accuse Roxy but it must have been Sophie - suffered from some kind of dysentery on the bedroom floor. Sophie has been off her feed for two entire bowl-fulls, and while she is currently eating a pillow I fear her strength is going.
We received a message from the Postal Service that our aggression will not stand and the mailbox must be moved away from the front door**. They mistake our pleas for freedom for threats of violence. Yet again, we are subject to the prejudices of our captors.
One of us has had our collar removed by the Marines. Just another means of oppressing us, forcing us to parade our nudity.
When Roxy refused to come inside to serve the whims of our occupiers, she was shut outside for the night. Attempts to re-enter the house through the window screen were thwarted, but the damage will at least be irreparable.
Either the wind or our oppressors have closed the bathroom door. GIR has nearly chewed the doorknob off, which will surely reveal the hiding place of the authorities.
We hope for succor, or at least someone to rub our bellies. I fear we may die here.
Oh! Hello hello hello! The authorities have returned, but they carry no scent of mathowie*** and so we do not know if we can trust them.
- The Never Pack
*Our dogsitters are retired Marines.
**This actually happened. We have to move our mailbox because one of the dogs knocked a screen out of the window trying to make friends with the mail carrier.
***Matt wasn't at MaxFunCon this year.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:46 PM on June 2, 2013 [8 favorites]
Delightful. I am now compelled to share this with all dog-owners I know.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:12 AM on June 3, 2013
posted by rmd1023 at 8:12 AM on June 3, 2013
He captures the PBS voiceover voice so well, that's what makes it work.
posted by tavella at 1:06 PM on June 3, 2013
posted by tavella at 1:06 PM on June 3, 2013
I lost an hour browsing through this tumblr and I'm not really done yet... Thank you op :)
posted by one4themoment at 3:10 PM on June 3, 2013
posted by one4themoment at 3:10 PM on June 3, 2013
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posted by a fiendish thingy at 11:56 AM on June 2, 2013 [1 favorite]