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Makes your rice go bling!
June 6, 2013 7:37 AM   Subscribe

The most astonishing automated sushi roller commercial you'll see today.
posted by mippy (67 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

 
Watching it with the sound off is...unsettling. Like you're witnessing a cocaine-fueled Pampered Chef party.
posted by Doleful Creature at 7:41 AM on June 6, 2013 [26 favorites]


For all your roll-shaped thing needs. Optional orgy to follow, apparently.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:45 AM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


watch it at 2x speed
posted by orme at 7:46 AM on June 6, 2013


Crack maki is wack.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 7:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


The perfect antidote to those videos that make people say "I love humanity".
posted by DU at 7:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


That bit that you pull out is a million paper cuts waiting to happen.
posted by jbickers at 7:48 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


I have also been enjoying this today. Not because LOL JAPANESE RANDOMNESS LOL, but because I'm having noodles tonight and I'm hoping my boyfriend will start doing that dance while I'm cooking because that song is catchy.
posted by mippy at 7:48 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


Is it just me, or does that commercial have a feeling that everything is not quite right, like a Mentos commercial?

Also, they don't specify how you clean those appliances, do they?
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 7:56 AM on June 6, 2013 [11 favorites]


I watch infomercials for my day job, and usually they only mention cleaning if they're making a virtue out of how easy it is to do.
posted by mippy at 8:01 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I watch infomercials for my day job...

The perfect antidote for those times I want to say I hate my job.
posted by DU at 8:03 AM on June 6, 2013 [8 favorites]


I can't WAIT to wash this thing a million times for one dinner's worth of rolls, just before it goes to the back of the bottom cabinet next to the quesadilla maker, juicer, and egg poacher in the graveyard of useless, "does-one-thing, sort of", tools that are missing pieces.
posted by dirtdirt at 8:03 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


What are they putting in that thing at :34 --- curry and black olives?!
posted by goethean at 8:06 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Doleful Creature: "Watching it with the sound off is...unsettling. Like you're witnessing a cocaine-fueled Pampered Chef party."

But you repeat yourself, sir.

dirtdirt: "I can't WAIT to wash this thing a million times for one dinner's worth of rolls, just before it goes to the back of the bottom cabinet next to the quesadilla maker, juicer, and egg poacher in the graveyard of useless, "does-one-thing, sort of", tools that are missing pieces."

I agree with you generally, but I love my smoothie blender in a huge way. All it does is make breakfast smoothies in the smoothie sippy cup, and that's really all I want from a blender. No goofy attachments, no easily cracked lid or food processor attachments, just a blender base that fits onto the bottle.
posted by boo_radley at 8:07 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I watch infomercials for my day job...

Like...for real, or are you a spammer?
posted by goethean at 8:07 AM on June 6, 2013


My ears are bleeding.
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:09 AM on June 6, 2013


Those SWPLs love sushi.
posted by Tanizaki at 8:12 AM on June 6, 2013


What are they putting in that thing at :34 --- curry and black olives?!

Looked like bruschetta topping to me.
Re-listening to that part, I'm now convinced the lyrics are "...And joints! A llama, fun. Perfect, a Quigley mayne."
posted by eddydamascene at 8:15 AM on June 6, 2013 [7 favorites]


*sits on floor*

*spins around, sort of*

Look everyone, I'm breakdancing!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:16 AM on June 6, 2013 [11 favorites]


Totally not a spammer! Advertising on TV in the UK needs to be pre-cleared, and I work for the company that does this. We check the claims, see if something is offensive or racist or needs to go out at a particular time of day (some film trailers are only allowed on after 9pm, gambling ads can't be broadcast when children are watching, and some product categories are restricted in terms of broadcast time like OTC medicines and sanpro), whether any additional information needs to be known by the consumer on the on-screen captions, and so on. It's hard to explain, because there's no US equivalent (there is one in Canada I think) and most people don't know that what we do exists, because we work directly with agencies and sometimes broadcasters rather than the public. (The ASA are the people who deal with complaints on ads from the public - when I tell people what I do at parties they assume I work there.)

There's a dedicated team for infomercials just because they take so long to watch, and the regulations are so different in the US, where most of them come from, that we have to recommend a lot of alterations before they're suitable to go on air in the UK. I don't think we'll be seeing this one here, unfortunately, but we did get sent samples of the Slap Chop when they came over here. Unfortunately nobody else in the office knew of the meme.
posted by mippy at 8:20 AM on June 6, 2013 [29 favorites]


Look everyone, I'm breakdancing!

I think they were trying to imagine being rolled up into some sort of weird cream cheese wrap thing. Judging other peoples' fetishes is a thankless job.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:20 AM on June 6, 2013


I wonder if Mike Rowe would do an episode about your job, mippy.

shudder
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:26 AM on June 6, 2013


Makes you wonder if they're rolling some green in between takes.
posted by Randwulf at 8:27 AM on June 6, 2013


The most astonishing automated sushi roller commercial you'll see today

Does Nigiri count?
posted by eddydamascene at 8:28 AM on June 6, 2013 [5 favorites]


seanmpuckett, I had to look that guy up. I really like my job. It's sometimes like being a detective trying to assess whether there are any issues with the story you've been told. Also, today we had passion fruit cupcakes in our office.
posted by mippy at 8:29 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


Fantastic comment, mippy, and a fun post. Cheers!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:30 AM on June 6, 2013


I.... think I need this.
posted by Tequila Mockingbird at 8:31 AM on June 6, 2013


I love how it cuts away just as whatever the gloop is in the rolls starts to smear up against the perspex siding of the thing.
posted by Joe Chip at 8:31 AM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm so sad about when the perky woman proffers the rolled treat to a good-looking smiling man and then withdraws it at the last moment, pivoting quickly to another eagerly attendant man who instead receives the goodie in his compliant mouth.
posted by stevil at 8:47 AM on June 6, 2013 [9 favorites]


I love how it cuts away just as whatever the gloop is in the rolls starts to smear up against the perspex siding of the thing.

Not to mention cutting from a random mish-mash of ingredients shoved in the device to some carefully arranged rice and perfectly centered filling that creates an exactly symmetrical sushi roll.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:52 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I watch the video and secretly want to be these people.

I know this cannot be.

A tear rolls down my cheek.
posted by mazola at 9:01 AM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


These people love rice with specs of fillings.
posted by wcfields at 9:02 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


The woman at 00:44 is more excited by that roll than most humans have been about anything in their entire lives. Like, the first cavedude who made a fire probably made that same face.
posted by elizardbits at 9:07 AM on June 6, 2013 [4 favorites]


New, from Leifheit: One-at-a-time popcorn kernel popper! Individual almond roaster! Single-grain rice cooker! Always a better idea!
posted by oulipian at 9:07 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


oulipian: "New, from Leifheit: One-at-a-time popcorn kernel popper! Individual almond roaster! Single-grain rice cooker! Always a better idea!"

BESPOKE POPCORN FROM LOCALLY SOURCED URBAN FARM SITES. HAND CURATED GRAINS FOR POP-QUINOA APPETIZERS FOR YOUR KELP CLEANSE PARTIES.
posted by boo_radley at 9:19 AM on June 6, 2013 [8 favorites]


Number one, flagged as misleading. Came in expecting state of the art Japanese culinary robotics, didn't see one.

Number two - if there is an obligatory orgy afterwards, I could deal with those assholes and their wacky quasi-sushi. Even the bad music, but the orgy better be FIERCE.
posted by Samizdata at 9:36 AM on June 6, 2013


Now I feel like having a little イヤーワーム揚げ巻貝.

:(
posted by mazola at 9:40 AM on June 6, 2013


Well slap my face with a side of fresh belly tuna and poke wasabi in my eyes. I never knew sushi could be so... jaunty.
posted by MuffinMan at 9:40 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Jingle by Microsoft Songsmith.
posted by Trace McJoy at 9:43 AM on June 6, 2013 [4 favorites]


God dammit, now I have that jingle stuck in my head! KHAAAAAAAAN!!!
posted by halcyonday at 9:46 AM on June 6, 2013


Poor woman in the red necklace isn't really into it. She prefers steak.
posted by Floydd at 9:51 AM on June 6, 2013


It needs to be USB powered to reach maximum utility.
posted by msbutah at 9:52 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Can you roll a decent spliff with that?
posted by mazola at 9:56 AM on June 6, 2013


This is also useful for un-peeling carrots if you've found that you've peeled too many.
posted by oulipian at 9:56 AM on June 6, 2013 [6 favorites]


via my friend:
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A WHITE PEOPLE THING BUT ITS NOT ITS REALLL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpmQRmE-mN0
posted by rebent at 9:58 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


What’s happening? I watched the whole thing, waiting, and it just looked like a commercial for a gadget.
posted by bongo_x at 9:59 AM on June 6, 2013


Available at Bed, Bath, and Beyond in the USA.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:00 AM on June 6, 2013


What's the accent of the guy singing the song? At first I thought it was trying to be a bad Asian karaoke singer since it's features a product that makes Japanese cuisine, but Leifheit sounds like a German company and the weird Mentos vibe I get from the commercial now makes me think it's some German karaoke singer. But do Europeans say "bling"? I'm so confused.
posted by FJT at 10:13 AM on June 6, 2013


I've always thought Bed, Bath and Beyond should focus more on the Beyond part. They should have a clearly-marked section featuring the ghostly remnants of ancient civilizations, meteor shards, cursed occult tomes, crystals which exist simultaneously in multiple dimensions, alien bone fragments, and so on. But I guess people just go to Michael's for that stuff.
posted by oulipian at 10:14 AM on June 6, 2013 [19 favorites]


Shopper Takes Bizarre Journey Beyond Bed, Bath
posted by straight at 10:15 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Leifheit is indeed a German housewares company.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:16 AM on June 6, 2013


This is like the worst thing I've ever seen. I'm seriously unsettled by its awfulness.
posted by thewumpusisdead at 10:21 AM on June 6, 2013


Leifheit is indeed a German housewares company.

You know who else was awful and German?
posted by snottydick at 10:36 AM on June 6, 2013


definitely not hitler cause he was austrian.
posted by elizardbits at 10:38 AM on June 6, 2013 [8 favorites]


This thing could only make sense to people who have never seen a sushi mat.

And I know this ad can't be American. Not just for the uncanny Mentos-ness of it, but because an American ad would start with 3-4 scenes of people trying to use a sushi mat and failing, maybe ending up with cut and bloody fingers. "There's got to be a better way!"
posted by benito.strauss at 10:59 AM on June 6, 2013 [9 favorites]


If I'd written that theme song it would have gone: "Roll roll. Roll roll rollrollroll. Roll. Roll. Perfect roll."

Amateur.
posted by Foam Pants at 11:56 AM on June 6, 2013


definitely not hitler cause he was austrian.

I said "German," not "from Germany."
posted by snottydick at 12:18 PM on June 6, 2013


You know who else was awful and German?

Erich Mielke?

Otto IV?

Adolf Eichmann?

Am I close?
posted by Hactar at 1:32 PM on June 6, 2013


And the advantage of a sushi mat is that you're not compressing the fuck out of your rice into a hyper dense gelatinous sausage that only has the most abstract resemblance to makizushi.
posted by danny the boy at 2:30 PM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


FJT - using my vast 'knowledge' of jingles and my half-remembered phonetics modules, I think it was written/translated in English (which would explain the somewhat idiomatic use of 'bling' )and given to a German session singer, because it's easier and cheaper than getting someone in the country it's being adapted for to record a new one.. The pronunciation of 'sushi' gives it away.
posted by mippy at 2:39 PM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Leifheit: the name you can trust for Asian foods.

I really, really gotta second that "watch it with the sound off and it feels like the precursor to an orgy" comment.
posted by DoctorFedora at 2:48 PM on June 6, 2013


@rebent - As a Japanese product (IMO) it's not too far fetched since millions of Japanese moms make Bento for their school aged children, and making makizushi is tiresome.
posted by PipRuss at 2:55 PM on June 6, 2013


So European it makes me smile, like when I was in Japan and I would see random English on a tee shirt.

Makes me wonder if there is a cultural equivalent to The Uncanny Valley phenomena.
posted by djrock3k at 3:26 PM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


You know who else was awful and German?

My father-in-law?
posted by Doleful Creature at 3:42 PM on June 6, 2013 [5 favorites]


Gah! My eyes! MY EARS! Why?!
posted by TheCoug at 11:24 AM on June 7, 2013


I think my favourite part of this are all the shots of people meticulously cutting everything down to just the right size so it'll fit in the tiny thing.

A real time saver!
posted by Sys Rq at 11:40 AM on June 7, 2013


Oh, you silly, uncanny people! It's not that hard making sushi the normal way! It'll be easier to clean, and you'll still be able to have your orgy!
posted by meese at 2:13 PM on June 9, 2013


but suddenly I miss those rice triangles with plum in them. Must buy nori and rice tomorrow.
posted by mumimor at 2:30 PM on June 9, 2013


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