And I Shall Name Him George
June 11, 2013 7:37 AM   Subscribe

Plush cows? Plush cows! Plush cows.
posted by seanmpuckett (49 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
!!! be still my heart
posted by phunniemee at 7:41 AM on June 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


There is a sire named Tebow.

Who is getting more action than the real one.

In any form.
posted by Madamina at 7:42 AM on June 11, 2013 [7 favorites]


OMIGOSH

It is like they wearing the most adorable yoga pants ever and I want one please let me have one
posted by Kitteh at 7:43 AM on June 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


The http://www.quickbulletin.com/plush-cow-beauties-of-iowa is showing up as serving malware according to Kaspersky.
posted by boo_radley at 7:45 AM on June 11, 2013


I can't get over how flat their backends look, compared to normal cows. They defiantly have straight lines. When I get my farm, it'd be cute to have one of these, though-I was thinking only ONE dairy cow and that is it.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 7:45 AM on June 11, 2013


Hand over the cow and nobody gets hurt.
posted by Salamander at 7:48 AM on June 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


great post title.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:48 AM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


I wish to pet them and have them and pet them and love them. Do they do bonsai fluffy cows for the home and office?

This FPP title is the best. Full stop.
posted by arcticseal at 7:52 AM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
posted by artychoke at 7:55 AM on June 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


Their legs! Their adorable flooffy legs.
posted by jeather at 7:56 AM on June 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


I-80 SEMEN AVAILABLE ORDER TODAY!
posted by maryr at 7:57 AM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm at work. I probably shouldn't be clicking semen links. But I know it will lead to a picture of a fluffeh cow.

CONFLICTED.
posted by phunniemee at 8:00 AM on June 11, 2013 [4 favorites]


Plush and dairy products, together at last!
posted by tommasz at 8:03 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm at work. I probably shouldn't be clicking semen links. But I know it will lead to a picture of a fluffeh cow.

CONFLICTED.
posted by phunniemee at 8:00 AM on June 11 [+] [!]


Not only is it about semen, it's also titled "Bojo, one one the most dominant sires".
posted by FirstMateKate at 8:04 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hmm furry tag I wonder where that will take me.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:05 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Exerpt: "Let the internet junkies top that one! This clean man is yours for the maternal making. He'll add bone and hair in a calving ease package!"
posted by maryr at 8:06 AM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't understand what this sentence is trying to tell me: "built more square than any other in the walks alone line of genetics."

Why would breeding a cow to be more square be a desirable thing? (My cynical side wonders if it isn't so that they can be pushed into pens tighter and with less wasted space, but maybe it's just an aesthetic preference?)
posted by jbickers at 8:07 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Where do you think Wendy's gets those burgers?
posted by maryr at 8:09 AM on June 11, 2013 [4 favorites]


Also entertaining: Imagining that Lautner Farms are the home of Taylor Lautner.
posted by maryr at 8:10 AM on June 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


YAY COWS! This is my dining room wall. That's the largest of my herd.
posted by MissySedai at 8:18 AM on June 11, 2013


He'll add bone and hair in a calving ease package!

Not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds exceptionally dirty.

Oh, he'll add some bone, all right...
posted by backseatpilot at 8:18 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


You know, I grew up in a farm town, but reading some of the pull quotes from the semen ordering page still is a wonderful reminder of the diversity of the world we live in.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:18 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


And by that I mean, fucking bizarre.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:19 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Why would breeding a cow to be more square be a desirable thing?

The inevitable result of farmers attempting to be ever-more hip.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:21 AM on June 11, 2013


Why would breeding a cow to be more square be a desirable thing?

Lol, looks like city boy here's never played Cow Tetris.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:24 AM on June 11, 2013 [22 favorites]


I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Thanks very much.
posted by sweetkid at 8:28 AM on June 11, 2013


Moof!
posted by Thorzdad at 8:30 AM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


These are adorable, but all I can think of is the consistency of cow poo and how utterly incompatible it is with long hair.
posted by usonian at 8:41 AM on June 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


Call me when they successfully crossbreed them with Oreo Cows.
posted by etc. at 8:51 AM on June 11, 2013


etc.: "Call me when they successfully crossbreed them with Oreo Cows."

Ha, a guy down the road from me has a few dozen of those. I can't pass them without pointing and yelling "OREO COWS!"
posted by jquinby at 8:57 AM on June 11, 2013


I can't pass them without pointing and yelling "OREO COWS!"

How do you suppose that makes the cows feel? Try saying "Yay, Oreo Cows!" or "Oreo Cows are the best!" That would be more supportive.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:14 AM on June 11, 2013 [6 favorites]


Oh man, it's like they're wearing fur pants! I just want to gently rest my head on one that is happily dozing in the sun. Cows are the best.
posted by divined by radio at 9:21 AM on June 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'd just like to say that I'm all about this post.
posted by TheCowGod at 9:54 AM on June 11, 2013 [6 favorites]


I showed this to my partner, and he said, "They're teddy cows!"
posted by rhiannonstone at 10:11 AM on June 11, 2013 [4 favorites]


Hairy Dairy
posted by Kabanos at 10:29 AM on June 11, 2013


One grandparent of mine is a dairy farmer... I was unsuccessful at my attempt to convince her that her farm needed a few llamas. I'm now gonna try for a plush cow.
posted by Fig at 10:46 AM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Why would breeding a cow to be more square be a desirable thing?

Built more square means you pack more meat on a cow. Also, you can't compare dairy breeds with meat breeds. Dairy cattle have hatrack hips; beef cattle are smooth over the topline and have deep chests with meaty hind legs. Butchering a dairy cow yields more bone than meat--hardly worth the effort. (And those big brown eyes. Pleading eyes. Only butcher meat cattle--they are the dicks of the cow world--I'm lookin' at you, Black Angus bastards.)
posted by BlueHorse at 11:08 AM on June 11, 2013 [7 favorites]


Metafilter: It's so much more than Fluffy Cows.
posted by hwestiii at 11:23 AM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


So, they're meat cows? Is someone selling foofy cowhide rugs?
posted by annsunny at 11:49 AM on June 11, 2013


As an employee of the US Department of Agriculture, it is my duty to follow these links. "Calving ease package", indeed.
posted by wintermind at 12:08 PM on June 11, 2013


annsunny, to be honest, that was my initial thought as well. But then I saw that I-80 semen offer and, boy, I do love a road trip.
posted by maryr at 12:50 PM on June 11, 2013


These are just pet cows, right?! They're too fluffy to be eaten! :'(
posted by photojlisa at 1:58 PM on June 11, 2013


maryr: "annsunny, to be honest, that was my initial thought as well. But then I saw that I-80 semen offer and, boy, I do love a road trip."

More than you ever wanted to know. Possibly NSF...something. It's all very veterinary, but still. If you think you're having a bad day, consider the guy in that series of pictures towards the end of the article.
posted by jquinby at 2:42 PM on June 11, 2013


There's a bull named Megatron. Can Optimus Bovine be far away?
posted by Kevin Street at 3:32 PM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bumblebeef
posted by mcrandello at 5:01 PM on June 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm gonna follow wintermind's lead and assume you guys don't actually want to know what calving ease is.

These are just pet cows, right?! They're too fluffy to be eaten! :'(

Yes.

So don't read the Atlantic article about "fluffy cows' existence".
posted by zennie at 5:09 PM on June 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Especially don't read to the bottom of this link.
posted by zennie at 7:07 PM on June 11, 2013


This seems like it belongs here.
posted by eviemath at 10:02 AM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


What? No love for cuddling cows?
posted by eviemath at 7:18 AM on June 13, 2013


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