Man Awarded $6.5 Million After Penis Gets Amputated

December 5, 2001 6:06 PM

Man Awarded $6.5 Million After Penis Gets Amputated This is pretty wacked. At least we have a new millionaire in Cleveland.
posted by sadie01221975 (42 comments total)

A little something extra... Google has 2,300 hits for "amputated penis."

here's a cool one: doctors made the coffinmaker, whose penis was cut into six pieces by the saw, whole again and fully functioning

http://www.moscowtimes.ru/stories/2001/03/13/003.html


food for thought
posted by sadie01221975 at 6:13 PM on December 5, 2001

heh-heh, you said whacked.
posted by mikhail at 6:14 PM on December 5, 2001

doctors failed to diagnosis his cancer
"Diagnosis"? Not "diagnose?"

And $6.5M is hardly enough, if you ask me :)
posted by MonkeyMeat at 6:16 PM on December 5, 2001

anyone else see Hedwig and the Angry Inch? one of the best movies i've seen this year.
posted by th3ph17 at 6:18 PM on December 5, 2001

More details as mentioned in the article.
posted by Neale at 6:20 PM on December 5, 2001

And $6.5M is hardly enough, if you ask me :)

Yes, but there has to be some cut off point.
posted by dlewis at 6:23 PM on December 5, 2001

*doh*

this is going to be one of those threads.
posted by th3ph17 at 6:40 PM on December 5, 2001

That's why I frequently perform a self-examination. And if the movie I rented is good enough, I'll do it twice.

Oooops, sorry. Thought this was fark.
posted by RavinDave at 6:48 PM on December 5, 2001

because he was suffering from painful erections and a curvature of the penis

Guess that's not a problem anymore!

ducks and runs
posted by geoff. at 6:54 PM on December 5, 2001

Not nearly enough. Not nearly enough.
posted by benjh at 6:58 PM on December 5, 2001

Head-less hoseman gets 6.5 mil.
posted by hellinskira at 6:59 PM on December 5, 2001

Can I go off half-cocked for 3.25 mil?
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:02 PM on December 5, 2001

this is going to be one of those threads.

That's about the long and the short of it.
posted by dlewis at 7:04 PM on December 5, 2001

now we have a better handle on the value of that apparatus.
posted by greyscale at 7:07 PM on December 5, 2001

(cue Stone Temple Pilots: "Well, I'm half the man I used to be...")
posted by arco at 7:10 PM on December 5, 2001

<sophomoric>This is a good case for penal reform.</sophomoric>
posted by dlewis at 7:11 PM on December 5, 2001

Well, at least we know he won't waste it all on hookers.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:13 PM on December 5, 2001

was thinking a personals ad would be in order:


for rent, $6.5million/14600 days ($445.21/day, or $18.55/hour).


posted by greyscale at 7:20 PM on December 5, 2001

lucky bastard..no need to work hard any more
posted by Voyageman at 7:26 PM on December 5, 2001

I guess he won't be attending any Brises in the near future.
posted by MonkeyMeat at 7:34 PM on December 5, 2001

Sue, sue, sue. Why does everyone feel the need to be a dick about these things?
posted by mrbula at 7:38 PM on December 5, 2001

simple answer...penis envy.
posted by Voyageman at 7:42 PM on December 5, 2001

Yeh, he's got all the money alright.

But the whole point of being rich is the women. IMO. Whats the point if you havn't got a dick?
posted by delmoi at 7:58 PM on December 5, 2001

His friends are suing for being forced to know UNIX.

(Sorry.)
posted by GriffX at 8:03 PM on December 5, 2001

Yeh, he's got all the money alright.

But he'll never again get the money shot.
posted by mikhail at 8:15 PM on December 5, 2001

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

- Python, Monty
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:18 PM on December 5, 2001

Thanks a lot, stavros. I just got that song out of my head yesterday, and now it's stuck there again.

Now if I can only avoid singing it aloud at work tomorrow, I'll be fine.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:34 PM on December 5, 2001

"Worst operation ever!"
posted by wfrgms at 9:16 PM on December 5, 2001

If someone offered me $6.5 million for my penis, I'd have to think long and hard about it.
posted by kindall at 9:43 PM on December 5, 2001

6.5m for mr. willy? no, I'll keep it thanks.
posted by holycola at 10:12 PM on December 5, 2001

I'm sure the hospital could afford the $6.5 mil. Penile reconstruction is a growth industry, after all.
posted by Danelope at 10:14 PM on December 5, 2001

the perfect stocking stuffer.
posted by tolkhan at 10:37 PM on December 5, 2001

His new favorite quote at his neighborhood restaurant: "You keep the tip."
posted by mrbula at 11:05 PM on December 5, 2001

I guess he won't get into any "Members Only" clubs.

I'm going off to bed now.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:22 PM on December 5, 2001

Loreena please,
don't Bob it.
posted by Mack Twain at 1:07 AM on December 6, 2001

Maybe he was just an average guy, getting 1 million per inch.
posted by benjh at 4:10 AM on December 6, 2001

My lord, this thread has brought out the worst in us.

I can't stop laughing.
posted by adampsyche at 5:21 AM on December 6, 2001

From the detail article in Ohio Lawyer's Weekly:

[Defense attorney] Monteleone added that the beautiful part of working with hospital pathology departments is that the evidence has usually been carefully preserved.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have in my hand exhibit A..."
posted by groundhog at 5:52 AM on December 6, 2001

Oops, make that "plaintiff's attorney".
posted by groundhog at 6:23 AM on December 6, 2001

Note also that inserting the place name "Cleveland" in any joke makes it twice as funny.





HELLO CLEVELAND!
posted by Avogadro at 6:34 AM on December 6, 2001

He may have come up short, but he still managed to stick it to the hospital.
posted by Perigee at 6:46 AM on December 6, 2001

I'd add something to this discussion, but I'm stumped.
posted by gimonca at 11:02 AM on December 6, 2001