Dogs groomed to look like things that are not dogs
June 19, 2013 2:19 PM   Subscribe

Dogs groomed to look like cows, giraffes, Queen of Hearts (??), bison, Pittsburgh Steelers, etc. posted by mudpuppie (47 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
Nobody remembers exactly what started the Great Dog Uprising of 2013. But they never forgot the blood and kibble that painted the streets...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:25 PM on June 19, 2013 [10 favorites]


good god
posted by mullacc at 2:27 PM on June 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


Your dyslexia is kicking in then mullacc.
posted by biffa at 2:29 PM on June 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


Honey, when I said you should find a hobby...
posted by TrolleyOffTheTracks at 2:30 PM on June 19, 2013


This is the cruelest thing I've ever done to my dog.

I'm feeling like a pretty awesome person right about now.
posted by phunniemee at 2:31 PM on June 19, 2013 [10 favorites]


Otherwise known as: Proof There is No Justice in the Universe.
posted by Kitteh at 2:32 PM on June 19, 2013


Ford: "Curling tongs...You're going to die out, you know that don't you."
Hitchhikers Guide Episode 6
It's worse than I thought, this is proof that the Golgafrinchan middle classes have mucked up the program to determine the ultimate question.
posted by Dr Ew at 2:39 PM on June 19, 2013


Sorry I know this is supposed to be a cute thread but this stuff just pisses me off. Dogs are not toys. If you want to play with your dog, grab the ball and go to the park.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:42 PM on June 19, 2013 [7 favorites]


The next time my shih tzu Schuyler gives me any attitude for making him wear a simple, sporty vest harness on walks, I'm going to whip out this slide show for his viewing pleasure.
posted by FelliniBlank at 2:44 PM on June 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


this is like a sixcolors AskMe in Metafilter FPP form.
posted by sweetkid at 2:44 PM on June 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


I know it's wrong but this guy looks like such a happy idiot.
posted by sweetkid at 2:50 PM on June 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


so wrong. not right. this is man's inhumanity to man's best friend.
posted by GuyZero at 2:54 PM on June 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


Whoa... I thought this was going to be cute but no just no.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 2:54 PM on June 19, 2013


How do we know these dogs were groomed, is this some bullshit argument for intelligent design
posted by shakespeherian at 2:58 PM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Although I have to admit, the bison one is hilarious because it's actually really, really good. I mean, a backdrop of some Dakota hills and you might get fooled. But it's still deeply fucked up. I honestly think there's something psychologically wrong with the groomers who do this stuff.
posted by GuyZero at 3:03 PM on June 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


The peacock is my favourite. Very Cho-esque.
posted by Solomon at 3:07 PM on June 19, 2013


I was totally indignant until I got to the bison.

I'm sorry I betrayed you with my laughter, my canine friends. But that is some funny shit.
posted by scody at 3:10 PM on June 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


The first I thought was "there'll be hell to pay in dog heaven when the roles are reversed" but what will happen is the dog will slap you on the back and pour you a bowl of single malt to have a good laugh over all this. They just don't get revenge. That's why I love them.
posted by hat_eater at 3:10 PM on June 19, 2013 [11 favorites]


I thought this was wrong on so many levels, and then I saw the last three in the second link.

Not wrong, EVIL!

(Bite dogs! Why don't you bite?)
posted by BlueHorse at 3:26 PM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure my italian greyhound would LOVE to be fluffy and fancy. The dogs are totally cool with this.
posted by polyhedron at 3:27 PM on June 19, 2013


The bison is impressive, and the front of this "lion" is good, but why the hell is there the head of a zebra on the haunches? And what in gods name is this? I see the ass-end of the dog as a bald eagle, but then there's the brown cotton candy fluffs, and is that a tuxedo front and a pompadour?

I really, really feel sorry for poodles. They started out as badass German water dogs, and they were even among the breeds used by the US in World War II. Seriously, how do you go from this noble beast, or these magnificent bastards to Cindy the Poodle? The wolves and coyotes are all laughing now.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:28 PM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was going to say How dare they rob these noble animals of their dignity! but then I remembered the butt sniffing.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:29 PM on June 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


And what in gods name is this? I see the ass-end of the dog as a bald eagle, but then there's the brown cotton candy fluffs, and is that a tuxedo front and a pompadour?

I think, but am not certain, that it's a patriotic eagle in flight, flying from west to east (or left to right)? The pompadour being the tail?

I'm with you -- it's so confounding I can't even posit without uptalking?
posted by mudpuppie at 3:31 PM on June 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


I see the ass-end of the dog as a bald eagle, but then there's the brown cotton candy fluffs, and is that a tuxedo front and a pompadour?

Is that supposed to be Vegas-era Elvis?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:33 PM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I 100% unashamedly love all these. They're dogs. It's not like their doggy buddies are going to shun them for being groomed funny. As far as I can tell, dogs have neither a theory of mind nor a sense of their own physical permanence.
posted by muddgirl at 3:51 PM on June 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


the tiger is pretty badass. not sure i would have gone with the ass-end elephant, but that's me.
posted by rude.boy at 4:06 PM on June 19, 2013


"...As far as I can tell, dogs have neither a theory of mind nor a sense of their own physical permanence."

Yeah. They might not like it when the groomer starts attaching things to them (Eg.), but if the dog can see and isn't too hot, then most of this stuff wouldn't matter at all. They'll stand still and pose because it makes the humans happy, but they don't care what they look like.

In the long view, something like tail docking is much worse than any game of dress up.
posted by Kevin Street at 4:14 PM on June 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


As someone who grooms dogs (very part time) - and gets grooming magazines...this is just not something I enjoy or get.

Poodles are usually super great on the grooming table, though. And there really are dogs who enjoy being pampered and prettied up.

My favorite clients are poodles, pugs, and one super awesome persian cat. Shih tzus and maltese are complete assholes on the table. If an animal is going to bite me it'll be a maltese. (Pit bulls are typically awesome for me.)
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 4:18 PM on June 19, 2013


Standard Poodles are the most awesome dogs in the world.
To me.
They like a fresh haircut, and couldn't care less if it's just a standard fancy haircut, or one of these.
posted by bebrave! at 4:19 PM on June 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Is this some kind of weird pathology specific to a certain subset of poodle owners, or to certain types of groomers? (The only poodle I know IRL is a working dog who helps her human companion find missing pets.)

I actually like the bison and the Queen of Hearts.

But that second link with the cartoon characters is nightmare fuel.
posted by quiet earth at 4:37 PM on June 19, 2013


In 10-20 years these same people will have access to recombinant DNA technology in their kitchens. You ain't seen nothin' yet.
posted by benito.strauss at 4:43 PM on June 19, 2013


"But that second link with the cartoon characters is nightmare fuel."

Maybe for us, but the ability to look at patterns and see faces is a human thing. While a dog is really good at perceiving the difference between a cat and a stuffed toy (for instance), they're not hardwired to see faces everywhere like we are. So when we look at this dog and see a lion and a zebra, other dogs just see a poodle with really weird coloration.
posted by Kevin Street at 4:52 PM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


(Pit bulls are typically awesome for me.)

Seeing things like this makes me smile like a fool. Zoe, my 1.5 year-old Pit Bull, is a snuggly lap beast. I took her to the groomer once, and she kept interrupting the groomer's work with hugs and kisses. (She will wrap her paws around your neck, smoosh her head against your face, and lean.)

I look at these pics, and I see very, very patient dogs. Mine only ever get silly party hats, and they act very put upon.
posted by MissySedai at 5:02 PM on June 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


phunniemee: "This is the cruelest thing I've ever done to my dog.

I'm feeling like a pretty awesome person right about now.
"

Yuh huh. Here are my abbreviated forays into dog fashion: Doggles (for a good reason! She rides in my sidecar!) and one doggie t-shirt, which she utterly hated.
posted by workerant at 5:54 PM on June 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Classic. I love the bison, the pink lady and the "good god" one. (What the hell is that face on its butt?)

I think some dogs probably don't mind extensive grooming sessions like these. But I'd agree that it wouldn't be cool to do this to a dog that wasn't generally ok with it.
posted by nowhere man at 7:33 PM on June 19, 2013


I just showed a couple of these to one of my dogs. She farted, acted surprised that she farted, and then chased her butt around in circles a couple of times to figure out where the smell came from.

I don't know if this means she approves or disapproves.

Either way, I'm painting that bitch up to look like an owl, because these are hilarious.
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:47 PM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


workerant: "Here are my abbreviated forays into dog fashion: Doggles (for a good reason! She rides in my sidecar!)"

Please say there are pictures of this. That sounds adorable.
posted by Lexica at 9:13 PM on June 19, 2013


I had a lab/rott mix who loved to be dressed up. The former stray that I have now acted like her service vest weighed 50 lbs and fell over on her side the first time she wore it.

This is more than ok for some dogs and not for others.
posted by kamikazegopher at 12:47 AM on June 20, 2013


Don't forget the octopus and the fairy. I'm also impressed by the pony. I have no idea what this one is, some kind of racist pirate?

Shit like this is the reason people don't take poodles seriously as the vicious killers they are. Poor poodles, you are way too patient with these ridiculous humans.
posted by medusa at 10:16 AM on June 20, 2013


The fur dying bugs me more than the shaping/other animal simulating. Hence my comment about the sixcolors AskMe.

(I feel like I shouldn't link it but you can find it).
posted by sweetkid at 10:19 AM on June 20, 2013


I have no idea what this one is, some kind of racist pirate?

Jack Sparrow!
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:42 AM on June 20, 2013


This would be the perfect example to explain the meaning of WTF.
posted by juiceCake at 1:38 PM on June 20, 2013


I 100% unashamedly love all these. They're dogs. It's not like their doggy buddies are going to shun them for being groomed funny. As far as I can tell, dogs have neither a theory of mind nor a sense of their own physical permanence.

So just because someone doesn't mind, it's OK to treat them like objects? Hmmm, nope, it's still a shitty thing to do.
posted by doctor_negative at 5:48 PM on June 20, 2013


So just because someone doesn't mind, it's OK to treat them like objects?

Oh, FFS. They are DOGS. Are you going to claim that this is abusive?
posted by MissySedai at 5:54 PM on June 20, 2013


Things Dogs Teach Us
posted by homunculus at 11:57 PM on June 20, 2013


A Faithful Hound
posted by homunculus at 11:58 PM on June 20, 2013


So just because someone doesn't mind, it's OK to treat them like objects?

It is considered OK, in many circumstances, to treat a dog more like an object than like a human being. The entire point of canine conformance is to treat one dog as a representative of an entire breedline - if that's not objectifying, I don't know what is. The OP is a very particular example of dog showing, and it's an example, perhaps, that brings the inherent uselessness into sharp relief, but it's no more objectifying, as far as I can see, than Obedience or Agility or Coursing or Pet Parades. Some dogs hate these activities and it would be abusive to force them to perform. Many dogs of all breeds enjoy the focused human-dog interactions that culminate in a successful dog show of any kind. There is a lot of skill and training involved in getting the posted photos - it is not as easy as "spray paint my dog and take a funny photograph."
posted by muddgirl at 6:54 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


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