The Mighty Rib
June 24, 2013 6:37 AM Subscribe
Food writer eats 413 biscuits, falls into ‘butter coma’
Shalin was rushed to hospital, where doctors said they drained more than two gallons of butter from his system. The butter may have blocked signals from his brain, making it seize, doctors said.
The Red Lobster biscuits are high in calories - 150 each, in fact, and are given out at the start of every meal for free, to tide people over until their meals arrive.
Shalin asked the waiter if, in fact, they were really free, and what the record number eaten was, witnesses said.
The witnesses said they begged Shalin to stop, but he didn't.
Shalin was rushed to hospital, where doctors said they drained more than two gallons of butter from his system. The butter may have blocked signals from his brain, making it seize, doctors said.
The Red Lobster biscuits are high in calories - 150 each, in fact, and are given out at the start of every meal for free, to tide people over until their meals arrive.
Shalin asked the waiter if, in fact, they were really free, and what the record number eaten was, witnesses said.
The witnesses said they begged Shalin to stop, but he didn't.
This post was deleted for the following reason: buttery! -- taz
Definitely not the worst way a guy could go out, but I'm glad he'll be okay.
posted by DGCA at 6:39 AM on June 24, 2013
posted by DGCA at 6:39 AM on June 24, 2013
The witnesses said they begged Shalin to stop, but he didn't.
Jesus the fuck Christ, STOP BRINGING HIM THE BISCUITS.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:40 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Jesus the fuck Christ, STOP BRINGING HIM THE BISCUITS.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:40 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
I am picturing that they sunk a tap right into his chest and drained the butter out that way but idk.
posted by elizardbits at 6:41 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by elizardbits at 6:41 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
How do you drain butter from someone's system...?
And 62,000 calories...? Bodybuilders brag about eating 6000 calories in one sitting.
I dunno, sounds pretty sketchy.
posted by Huck500 at 6:43 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
And 62,000 calories...? Bodybuilders brag about eating 6000 calories in one sitting.
I dunno, sounds pretty sketchy.
posted by Huck500 at 6:43 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Another day, another reminder that humans are fucking morons.
posted by billiebee at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by billiebee at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yet another puff pastry piece from the mainstream media.
posted by knile at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by knile at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
The witnesses said they begged Shalin to stop, but he didn't.
Jesus the fuck Christ, STOP BRINGING HIM THE BISCUITS.
Now i just have this image of them not bringing them to him anymore, so he was running around the restaurant grabbing them out of people's hands and shoving them in his mouth. ;)
posted by usagizero at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013
Jesus the fuck Christ, STOP BRINGING HIM THE BISCUITS.
Now i just have this image of them not bringing them to him anymore, so he was running around the restaurant grabbing them out of people's hands and shoving them in his mouth. ;)
posted by usagizero at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013
Does this mean they just pumped his stomach? Because otherwise I don't think butter just flows through your veins.
posted by emjaybee at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
The butter was blocking signals from his brain, if that's any help locating the drainage point.
I think the signals were saying 'Can I volunteer for some kind of transplant program?'.
posted by Segundus at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think the signals were saying 'Can I volunteer for some kind of transplant program?'.
posted by Segundus at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Great, now I'm hungry.
posted by ShawnStruck at 6:45 AM on June 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by ShawnStruck at 6:45 AM on June 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
If he started seizing while he was still at the restaurant, it's unlikely that the food had made it much further than out of the stomach and into the small intestine. So it does sound like they pumped his stomach.
posted by telegraph at 6:45 AM on June 24, 2013
posted by telegraph at 6:45 AM on June 24, 2013
The Globe was had. From the comments: "Interestingly enough, if you follow the original sourcing of this story it takes you to the "Rock City Times" which describes itself as "Arkansas's Second most unreliable news source"."
The original story.
posted by maudlin at 6:46 AM on June 24, 2013 [10 favorites]
The original story.
posted by maudlin at 6:46 AM on June 24, 2013 [10 favorites]
Kevin Shalin
@TheMightyRib
To my Houston friends who just heard the story on the radio...it is NOT real. It is fake. I am fine. I did not eat 400+ biscuits. #satire
8:38 AM - 24 Jun 13
posted by designbot at 6:47 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
@TheMightyRib
To my Houston friends who just heard the story on the radio...it is NOT real. It is fake. I am fine. I did not eat 400+ biscuits. #satire
8:38 AM - 24 Jun 13
posted by designbot at 6:47 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Try the Red Lobster biscuit challenge at home! (recipe adjusted to yield 413 biscuits.)
posted by emelenjr at 6:48 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 6:48 AM on June 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
The Ministry of Biscuits is expected to release a statement shortly
posted by thelonius at 6:49 AM on June 24, 2013
posted by thelonius at 6:49 AM on June 24, 2013
The link now says: "Whatever it is you were looking for has been moved or never existed!"
posted by octothorpe at 6:49 AM on June 24, 2013
posted by octothorpe at 6:49 AM on June 24, 2013
What I want to know is did Red Lobster then reuse all that butter they drained from his system?
It's Red Lobster. Like you'd be able to tell the difference.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:50 AM on June 24, 2013
It's Red Lobster. Like you'd be able to tell the difference.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:50 AM on June 24, 2013
I'm getting a 404 page when I look at the link, and I find the text utterly Canadian, and by that I mean, utterly charming.
"Whatever it is you were looking for has been moved or never existed!"
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:50 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
"Whatever it is you were looking for has been moved or never existed!"
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:50 AM on June 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
A friend of mine went to a dinner at the French embassy in Australia, started eating a tray of glazed prunes filled with prune puree. He enjoyed them so much he ate the whole tray - basically about 25 of these things (with a multiplier effect in play from the puree).
The first his girlfriend heard of this was on the way home, when he suddenly stopped the car in the middle of a motorway, ran screaming into a park trying take off his trousers, followed by an ungodly sound.
posted by TheAlarminglySwollenFinger at 6:51 AM on June 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
The first his girlfriend heard of this was on the way home, when he suddenly stopped the car in the middle of a motorway, ran screaming into a park trying take off his trousers, followed by an ungodly sound.
posted by TheAlarminglySwollenFinger at 6:51 AM on June 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
I WAS LOOKING FOR BISCUIT NIRVANA
posted by elizardbits at 6:51 AM on June 24, 2013
posted by elizardbits at 6:51 AM on June 24, 2013
"Kevin Shalin @TheMightyRib 12m
"To my Houston friends who just heard the story on the radio...it is NOT real. It is fake. I am fine. I did not eat 400+ biscuits. #satire"
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:51 AM on June 24, 2013
"To my Houston friends who just heard the story on the radio...it is NOT real. It is fake. I am fine. I did not eat 400+ biscuits. #satire"
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:51 AM on June 24, 2013
It's fake? Sigh.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:52 AM on June 24, 2013
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:52 AM on June 24, 2013
I wish I was the kind of person who people wrote butter coma satire about.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:52 AM on June 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:52 AM on June 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
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From WHERE in his system? His butter nodes? I don't think the human body works that way.
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:39 AM on June 24, 2013 [16 favorites]