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"Showed my dad pictures of GoT characters and asked him their names."
June 30, 2013 12:10 PM   Subscribe

Game of Thrones character names according to some Imgur user's dad.
posted by delmoi (106 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite

 
He's obviously watching the show, because even on the names he misses he hits close to home (Davos vs Flea Bottom).

Lord Buccaneer is perfect.
posted by sbutler at 12:17 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read the books and even I can't remember Commander of the Black Knights name. Although I do remember that he's from Bear Island and is Lord Buccaneer's dad.
posted by muddgirl at 12:18 PM on June 30, 2013


That last one made me lose it.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:20 PM on June 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Also, on the theme of distorted GoT names.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:22 PM on June 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


This really drives home how ridiculously challenging it must be to do this as a TV show. As I understand it, the GoT books were written as an escape from the constrictions of TV requirements, and yet here we are with a cast of dozens of characters and a corresponding number of plot threads, all in episodic form.
posted by Llama-Lime at 12:23 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


You gotta admit "Grandmother of Boobs Girl" is pretty dang accurate.
posted by Justinian at 12:28 PM on June 30, 2013 [16 favorites]


"Oh that's the Blacksmith" is also very true.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:29 PM on June 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


King of the Guys is a good band name.
posted by 1adam12 at 12:30 PM on June 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


This reminds me of when I get drunk and ask my roommate to explain the plot of Lord of the Rings to me; I saw the first movie (kind of; I sort of fell asleep) and read the first two books when I was seventeen so I know just enough to try to contradict him. If I actually didn't know anything he could just explain the plot but I know enough to be like "Oh is that the guy who's got the mirror to the eye? Doesn't he blow up an eagle in the mines or something though?" or "I thought the Nazghul (ring wraiths, if you will) could smell the ring. Why aren't they eating the hobbits?" which I think is pretty much delightful (I also have many questions about ents but I never seem to remember the answers). This has only happened a couple of times but my husband has threatened to record us and post it on YouTube because apparently it is largely hilarious.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:32 PM on June 30, 2013 [8 favorites]


If anybody tells me that balding men don't have sex appeal I put into evidence Lord Buccaneer. BAM
posted by angrycat at 12:39 PM on June 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Full of Win.

"King of the Guys"? Dothraki = best frat evar.
posted by djrock3k at 12:39 PM on June 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


They could replace the page for GoT characters on Wikipedia (spoilers?) with this and no man would notice.
posted by KMB at 12:42 PM on June 30, 2013


From John Allison, who has never before seen GoT
posted by infinitewindow at 12:43 PM on June 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


Multiply by 100 and you get a sense of the complexity of the books.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:46 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Martin's gonna finish ASoIaF and not remember how it started or with whom. It's gonna be the Jarndyce v. Jarndyce of books.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:48 PM on June 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


I find the way he gives the male characters names or titles and defines the female characters in terms of their relationship to the male characters really interesting.
posted by Sokka shot first at 12:49 PM on June 30, 2013 [29 favorites]


Multiply by 100 and you get a sense of the complexity of the books.

Yes! I appreciate prose, I appreciate plot, I appreciate complexity, but I have no talent for the rote - and that made these books really hard for me! It just seemed like 1 word in 3 was a proper name. The plot was good enough to make me plow through but it was a plow for sure.
posted by ftm at 12:51 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, so funny. I laughed myself to tears. A great antidote for those of us who have unwisely read all the books and let these folks inhabit our lives.
posted by bearwife at 12:52 PM on June 30, 2013


Just change the spaces to underscores or hyphens, and these read like the handles each might use on somethingawful or 4chan.
posted by chortly at 12:54 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I appreciate complexity, but I have no talent for the rote - and that made these books really hard for me! It just seemed like 1 word in 3 was a proper name.

The books have 14 different characters named Jeyne. No lie.
posted by painquale at 12:54 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, 11 Alyns, 9 Aegons, 6 Aemons, 22 Jons, 11 Pates, 6 Rickards, 7 Rodriks, 8 Wats, etc. Even going to last names doesn't help: there are three relatively important characters all named Brandon Stark.
posted by painquale at 1:01 PM on June 30, 2013 [9 favorites]


The books have 14 different characters named Jeyne. No lie.

But absolutely no character called "Jeyne of the Bunk". Sad.
posted by maudlin at 1:02 PM on June 30, 2013 [23 favorites]


My favorite is Tsundere Clegane.
posted by nicebookrack at 1:04 PM on June 30, 2013 [11 favorites]


FYI: tsundere [/explaining the joke]
posted by nicebookrack at 1:04 PM on June 30, 2013


A song of Ice and Fire is hell on people who have troubles with names, lemme tell you. Some places I wouldn't do much better "Oh. That's. Dammit, I'd know it you hadn't asked. Y'know whatshername. Dammit. Y'know. She's actually important, why can't I remember her name? She started out with Renly Baratheon and switched sides to Catelyn Stark, and Catelyn sent her to escort... Oh, to hell with it."
posted by tyllwin at 1:05 PM on June 30, 2013


Also, 11 Alyns, 9 Aegons, 6 Aemons, 22 Jons, 11 Pates, 6 Rickards, 7 Rodriks, 8 Wats, etc. Even going to last names doesn't help: there are three relatively important characters all named Brandon Stark.

Yeah, I feel like if I'm going to have to chart names to make it through a novel I should just pass go and head directly to Tolstoy.

"mercenary who gives wishes" ha pretty much; it makes me imagine a modern version of Jaqen in a Coen brothers movie
posted by furiousthought at 1:06 PM on June 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


I believe there is only one Hodor. Hodor, first of his name.
posted by Ber at 1:07 PM on June 30, 2013 [27 favorites]


Also, on the theme of distorted GoT names.

I didn't get "Kelly C" until I read it out loud and then I couldn't stop laughing help
posted by kagredon at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2013 [16 favorites]


Having recently (nearly) completed binge-watching the show for the first time, I totally get this. He probably did a little better than I would have, accuracy-wise.

A few others of mine: Duck Face (whom he calls not inacurately "Boobs Girl.")

And Ms. Wildling is actually Goth Chick.
posted by ShutterBun at 1:14 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


"King of the Guys"? Dothraki = best frat evar.

The hazing at the initiation is pretty rough though.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:20 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I can sympathize because where the TV show differs from the books I can never remember the names. I'd never be able to name Rob Stark's Volantian wife, or whatever they're calling Asha now.
posted by sbutler at 1:23 PM on June 30, 2013


Ms. Wildling is OBVIOUSLY "Tonks".
posted by Justinian at 1:35 PM on June 30, 2013 [16 favorites]


Game of Thrones Characters Get Online Dating Profiles
posted by homunculus at 1:52 PM on June 30, 2013


I did actually try to catch up someone on Game of Thrones once without using any proper nouns (the person in question hadn't read the books and is not great with names, and once I got a few sentences in without using any names, I decided to try to keep going with it.)

"Well, see, the band of guys in the woods sold Stabby Girl's friend to Red Witch Lady so that she could do freaky blood rituals, so Stabby Girl got pissed and ran away and then got snapped up by Burned Dude."

It's fun! Try it with your friends!
posted by kagredon at 1:53 PM on June 30, 2013


Funny how I can always remember the names of the direwolves.
posted by arcticseal at 1:53 PM on June 30, 2013


I'm pretty sure my favorite was "Lord Weasel"
posted by delmoi at 2:00 PM on June 30, 2013 [7 favorites]


I believe there is only one Hodor. Hodor, first of his name.

Hodor is actually named Walder. There are at least 4 of those that I can think of, offhand.
posted by chimaera at 2:03 PM on June 30, 2013 [7 favorites]


My wife asked me who Lord Weasel was, and I didn't even need to see the picture to guess right. Petyr Weasel it is.
posted by ArkhanJG at 2:14 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Are you guys shitting me? I read the books and never realized there there were three Brandon Starks.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Martin's gonna finish ASoIaF and not remember how it started or with whom. It's gonna be the Jarndyce v. Jarndyce of books.

Isn't it kinda already?
posted by gkhan at 2:19 PM on June 30, 2013


Bran and Bran's uncle Brandon make two.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:20 PM on June 30, 2013


Yeah, Bandon the Builder as well right?

Two of them are historical though, so I don't feel quite so bad now.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:21 PM on June 30, 2013


Hodor is actually named Walder. There are at least 4 of those that I can think of, offhand.

Well, you couldn't have one of them express himself exclusively in "traitorous old hog."
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:36 PM on June 30, 2013


Hodor is actually named Walder. There are at least 4 of those that I can think of, offhand.

*applauds the subtle sally*

All 6,000 of Walder Frey's children are a Walder or Walda. Maybe like two aren't. Maybe there's like one Jim and one Helen amidst the legion of Walders. Definitely there is exactly one Waldo Frey but good luck finding him.
posted by byanyothername at 2:54 PM on June 30, 2013 [39 favorites]


All 6,000 of Walder Frey's children are a Walder or Walda.

Well, I meant speaking characters, not just named folks...
posted by chimaera at 3:16 PM on June 30, 2013


I'm halfway through A Feast for Crows and regret looking at this page, as I so barely have a grasp on the names that I'm afraid it will all sip away and this misinformation will stay. It doesn't really matter, right? I can just read for plot? A bunch of people do some stuff and maybe some of those people are the same people as in the other chapter two books ago...
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:17 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


All 6,000 of Walder Frey's children are a Walder or Walda.

Reminds me of the German princely family of Reuss. Every man in the family has been named Henry (Heinrich) since the 1200s.
posted by dhens at 3:17 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm trying to figure out why he knows one and not another. Jon Snow is clear -- Ygritte looks at him and says the name in full several times. But why doesn't he know Cersei? I guess because she gets addressed as "your grace?" But then he knows Joffrey -- who also gets "your grace" -- so I suppose he gets named when people talk about him, but named as the somewhat diminutive "Joffrey" instead of "the King" because it shows how none of the characters respects him?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:27 PM on June 30, 2013


During our first bout with the show, The Fella and I had a conversation using some previously agreed-upon sobriquets. His side is omitted, as it was long and complex and not particularly pertinent, but my side went like this:

"Khaleesi is Blondie's title, not her name."
...
"The Khaleesi is Blondie-blonde. You're thinking of Incesty, who is blonde but not blondie-blonde."
...
"No, Incesty's a woman, remember? The dude is Incesty's Incesty Brother.
posted by Elsa at 3:28 PM on June 30, 2013 [11 favorites]


This is my problem with GoT, because that's probably how I'd do on the names too.
posted by jeather at 3:34 PM on June 30, 2013


But then he knows Joffrey -- who also gets "your grace" -- so I suppose he gets named when people talk about him

Everyone remembers Joffrey's name. It's a perfectly hatable name for a perfectly hatable character. I mean, just look at it. There's no way to read that sequence of letters and not want to have Peter Dinklage slap its bearer.
posted by painquale at 3:52 PM on June 30, 2013 [20 favorites]


I just power watched the first two seasons and didn't even bother trying to remember anyone's names. Why? It's not like I'm going to run into them at the grocery store. And even if I did, a nod and a wave would take care of anyway.
posted by looli at 3:59 PM on June 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


It's telling that it looks like the character's name he got closest on was Tyrion Lannister. Behold the Awesomeness of Peter Dinklage.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:09 PM on June 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Without IMDB, this is pretty much how I see the cast of any TV show.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:19 PM on June 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


I believe there is only one Hodor. Hodor, first of his name.

Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor, fifth of his name.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:37 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


He hardly knows anyone's name, but he does worse with women than men, only knowing two. The only one he gets completely right, and among the very few names at all that he gets right, is "Gilly". Gilly! And I'm boggled that he doesn't know Cersei's, Arya's, or Catelyn's names. Sansa ("Sensa") he knows.

And he doesn't know Hodor's name! How is that even possible?

But he gets both Stannis's ("Stennis") names right. And clarifies that the knows that Joffrey's name is "Baratheon". He knows "Ned" but, not only that, he pretty much knows that his full name is "Eddard", except that he thinks it's "Neddard".

He knows Brienne as the daughter of a character who has never been on the screen and who has been mentioned only once or twice in passing, and the part about their lands being known as the "Sapphire Isles". Which, okay, I can see why that would stick in his head. But still. How about "Lady Knight" or "Bear Girl"?

He basically knows Theon's names, both of them, but thinks that Brandon is "James Stark". He gets Tywin's names exactly right.

I'm not even going to mention "Black Worm".

"Two of them are historical though, so I don't feel quite so bad now."

Right. Just to clarify so that no one is confused, the missing-and-not-necessarily-dead Night's Watch uncle of Bran is Benjen. The uncle killed-by-the-mad-king-with-ned's-father was Brandon.

I've watched this season with my 67-year old mother each week (and we'd watched much of the previous seasons together in marathons when she was visiting in years past). She has a lot of trouble with the characters and their names and is constantly forgetting everything about Stannis, including his existence. If there's anyone she absolutely, positively knows their name, it's Cersei. Well, and Joffrery, of course.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:43 PM on June 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


There was a much better version of this, with the Mass Effect characters and a seven year old, but it was on a tumblr and their Photobucket bandwidth limit has been reached.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:48 PM on June 30, 2013


I'm trying to figure out why he knows one and not another. Jon Snow is clear -- Ygritte looks at him and says the name in full several times. But why doesn't he know Cersei? I guess because she gets addressed as "your grace?" But then he knows Joffrey -- who also gets "your grace" -- so I suppose he gets named when people talk about him, but named as the somewhat diminutive "Joffrey" instead of "the King" because it shows how none of the characters respects him?
I'd guess that A) Names that sound like normal American names are probably easier to remember. "Jon Snow" and "Ned Stark" are probably easy. And B) emotional salience probably matters too. Plus people refer Joffrey all the time by name, and they usually aren't saying anything nice.
He knows Brienne as the daughter of a character who has never been on the screen and who has been mentioned only once or twice in passing,
Not really in passing, The fact that she's from the Sapphire Isles has a major impact on her fate.
posted by delmoi at 4:53 PM on June 30, 2013


the missing-and-not-necessarily-dead

forget names, the real task for GoT (the book) is keeping track of the dead and the not dead.

zombie-major dead character almost made me stop reading out of rage.
posted by ennui.bz at 5:04 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


He hardly knows anyone's name, but he does worse with women than men, only knowing two. The only one he gets completely right, and among the very few names at all that he gets right, is "Gilly". Gilly! And I'm boggled that he doesn't know Cersei's, Arya's, or Catelyn's names. Sansa ("Sensa") he knows.

To be fair, I think he's probably somewhat playing it up for humorous effect. I do agree that "Daughter of the Lord of the Sapphire Isles" seems like a weird one to come up with for Brienne when there are many more obvious choices ("Wench" springs to mind.)
posted by kagredon at 5:18 PM on June 30, 2013


After seeing that and reading this there’s no way I’m ever watching that show or reading those books. I have trouble following anything with more than 5 or 6 characters. Actually, I have trouble with things with less than 5 or 6 characters.
posted by bongo_x at 5:22 PM on June 30, 2013


and is constantly forgetting everything about Stannis, including his existence.

Everyone in-universe seems to do this too, though
posted by kagredon at 5:27 PM on June 30, 2013 [13 favorites]


"Ned. Nedder." needs to be followed with "Neddest": the most honorable and naïve character humanly possible.
posted by dhens at 5:30 PM on June 30, 2013 [11 favorites]


The real pisser about SoIaF is that minor characters become major ones without warning. All of a sudden I'm supposed to remember that unimportant dude who is the son of important dude, but only exists to perform action for important person, is now important dude in his own right and I can't remember his damn name or when he was introduced because he wasn't important then

Also the revelation of "X is alive!" loses some of its impact when you have forgotten they are supposed to be dead. Or, that they were dead, came back to life, but then got deaded again. Or that they had existed in the first place.

Lord Weasel, however, is the correct name. So, there's that.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 5:35 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I thought this was funny until I realized that this dude's dad could easily be my age.
posted by nev at 6:07 PM on June 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


I've decided I'll probably have to read the books 4 times.

One time to find out what happens and who chops/slices/stabs/maims whom.

One time to learn all the names, family trees and inheritance motivations. This reading can also be used to write down all the funny, prophetic and philosophical things they say because, sadly, Caddyshack quotes don't get you very far in your career any more.

Another time from the perspective of the Gods. Because even the most powerful of these characters are just pawns to the Gods.

And another time to pay attention to what they eat. I just don't think James RR Whatshisname would write so much about food if it weren't important.
posted by surplus at 6:16 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yes! I appreciate prose, I appreciate plot, I appreciate complexity, but I have no talent for the rote - and that made these books really hard for me! It just seemed like 1 word in 3 was a proper name. The plot was good enough to make me plow through but it was a plow for sure.

So is Game of Thrones a fantasy Romance of the Three Kingdoms?
posted by 3FLryan at 6:16 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


zombie-major dead character almost made me stop reading out of rage.

If only people ate more pies.
posted by ersatz at 6:50 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


The real pisser about SoIaF is that minor characters become major ones without warning.

While this can make for a frustrating reading experience, it's one of the things I like best about the series. Everyone is the protagonist of their own story, as in real life. When we tell histories, we narrativize them by picking out victors and major players. That's only really easy to do in retrospect, when we know how things have played out. ASoIaF feels like its narrated by a mostly-omniscient historian who is living at the time of the events, and who has good guesses about who the big players will be, but can't see the future with perfect clarity. The narrative keeps being revised and refocused as people fade into the background or have their aspirations quashed. I don't know anything else that's quite like it.

You could say that this is because Martin doesn't know where the story is taking him, but I don't think that's the case: he's openly talked about how many of the big narrative reorientings (Ned's death, the Red Wedding) were planned from the get-go. And besides, many authors who don't know where their story is taking them still manage to keep a consistent protagonist or plot arc throughout; Martin is pretty self-consciously bucking that trend.

It does look like there are some pretty well established protagonists at this point in the novels. I think he might be settling down into a more traditional storytelling mode, but I'm hoping for a few more curveballs.
posted by painquale at 6:55 PM on June 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


You could say that this is because Martin doesn't know where the story is taking him, but I don't think that's the case

I think Martin very obviously knows where the story is supposed to end up. It's getting there that he is having trouble with. For the last 10 years.
posted by Justinian at 8:09 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


And another time to pay attention to what they eat. I just don't think James RR Whatshisname would write so much about food if it weren't important.

Oddly, this is one of the things I noticed in (the sadly, late) Jack Vance's Lyonesse trilogy. His characters are always eating: sausage and beer at a traveler's inn, or squabs roasted with rosemary and new wine. I found this delightful. Not only does this lend solidity to an otherwise fantastic tale, but it creates a landscape, not of geography or language, but of cuisine. What a man he was, to think so deeply about the worlds he imagined!
posted by SPrintF at 8:10 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


The only one he gets completely right, and among the very few names at all that he gets right, is "Gilly". Gilly!

I seem to recall that in the Reddit thread about this Imgur gallery, the OP clarified that his dad remembered Gilly's name because he had him ID the photos within an hour of the season finale.

Worth reading for this exchange: "My mom thought Khal Drogo was "Carl" for the longest time..." / "Carl and his carleesi." / "Leading the mighty Carlasar."
posted by jamaro at 8:20 PM on June 30, 2013 [7 favorites]


Without IMDB, this is pretty much how I see the cast of any TV show.

Yeah, I remember being exactly like this with Battlestar Galactica.

I knew Starbuck, Adama, Lee/Apollo, Hiro, Sharon/Boomer, Tigh, and Tyrol. Everyone else was the president's assistant, Tigh's horrid wife, sassy girl, Blond Cylon Lady, Dr. Bashir, Starbuck's boyfriend, Xena Warrior Reporter, Captain Ro, etc.
posted by Sara C. at 9:24 PM on June 30, 2013


Wait instead of Hiro I think I meant Hilo?

You see?
posted by Sara C. at 9:25 PM on June 30, 2013


ll of a sudden I'm supposed to remember that unimportant dude who is the son of important dude, but only exists to perform action for important person, is now important dude in his own right and I can't remember his damn name or when he was introduced because he wasn't important then

Yes. The introduction of Theon as a character I was supposed to care about as opposed to "one of the Stark bannermen type minion people" was the beginning of the end, for me.

Fuck Theon Greyjoy and his dumb watery island folk. I don't give a shit about them. Cool octopus on the seal, though.
posted by Sara C. at 9:29 PM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Helo!
posted by elsietheeel at 9:31 PM on June 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Mods please namechange me to LITTLE KICKASS STARK.
posted by last night a dj saved my life at 9:31 PM on June 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


I find the way he gives the male characters names or titles and defines the female characters in terms of their relationship to the male characters really interesting.

Just like the rest of real life. Though "guy who wants to get in blondy's pants" stood out otherwise. I shouldn't be reading the Internet while using mouthwash.

This game would be fun to play with my mom while she watches Glee. Which she has watched for years and still can't remember the names of most of the characters for shit.

Anyone count how many Walders there are? I lost track. Of course, so did everyone else.

Fuck Theon Greyjoy and his dumb watery island folk. I don't give a shit about them.

Seconded. Except for Asha/Yara, who is awesome. The rest of the damn islandfolk can sink for all I care, and I hope they do.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:24 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think I mostly felt like, "OK, man, you killed off everyone else so now there's this new guy I'm supposed to care about? Who actually hates all the people I liked that you just killed off? Fuck that noise. Maybe you shouldn't have killed off all the main characters, huh?"

I mean, there's a level of audacity there (and I do think I'm remembering things out of order), but my reaction was very much Oh Hell No.
posted by Sara C. at 10:39 PM on June 30, 2013


Also I think it was revealed that he was into incest with his sister like three pages into GRRM trying to sell him as the new main character we're supposed to give a shit about.

What the fuck IS IT with George R. R. Martin and incest, man?
posted by Sara C. at 10:40 PM on June 30, 2013


I should mention that at least one chapter heading refers to Barristan Selmy simply as "Queensguard," so I'm giving him a lot of credit for that one.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:41 PM on June 30, 2013


Yes. The introduction of Theon as a character I was supposed to care about as opposed to "one of the Stark bannermen type minion people" was the beginning of the end, for me.

Just finished the infamous "Red Wedding" episode, and I think I feel the same way. Dozens of new "important" characters are paraded in for me to care about, whose chief role seems to be as replacements for ex-characters, so that Martin can keep up a regular schedule of "shocking twists and turns" via such time-tested devices as weddings & high body counts. This kinda shit is considered desperate and cliche when regular TV shows resort to it; why doesn't it get called out with Game of Thrones?
posted by ShutterBun at 1:50 AM on July 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Theon is a villain. I don't think we're supposed to care about him the same way we cared about Ned, Catelyn, and Robb. Though I do think he's suffered enough. It's harder to watch than it was to read, partly because in the books we find out about what happened after the fact.

And if you think the number of pointless characters is bad now, wait until we visit Dorne. Maybe the TV series will do the right thing and skip that whole plotline...
posted by problemspace at 2:18 AM on July 1, 2013


Theon is a villain. I don't think we're supposed to care about him the same way we cared about Ned, Catelyn, and Robb. Though I do think he's suffered enough. It's harder to watch than it was to read, partly because in the books we find out about what happened after the fact.

He's a villain in book 2, not necessarily later in the series, and we are supposed to care about him. It's one of the more amazing tricks the books pulls off, making us really hate Theon, then disappearing him for a good long while, then making us really care for him.
posted by gkhan at 4:04 AM on July 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Seconded. Except for Asha/Yara, who is awesome. The rest of the damn islandfolk can sink for all I care, and I hope they do.

Ahh, come on, that watery priest dude that drowns people for a living and calls kingsmoots like a motherfucker is pretty dope. I don't give a shit about the rest of the Greyjoy clan, but that dude and Asha are all right in my book.
posted by gkhan at 4:06 AM on July 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's one of the more amazing tricks the books pulls off, making us really hate Theon, then disappearing him for a good long while, then making us really care for him.

Worked for Jamie Lannister. Didn't seem too difficult, either. The whole thing is starting to feel as manipulative as a well-worn soap opera to me (which I suppose is a feature to some, rather than a defect.)

I came hoping for Lord of the Rings: The Series, but was given "Dynasty, set in mythical Europe" instead.
posted by ShutterBun at 4:21 AM on July 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm coming into this conversation so late because someone posted a tv tropes link upthread. Seriously people, don't do that, I was meant to do things today, but I guess it's too late now.
posted by Ned G at 7:27 AM on July 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm just glad he remembered Little Kickass Stark, that's all.
posted by Mister_A at 8:51 AM on July 1, 2013


I sense #3 in the Kick Ass franchise is going to be a lot of fun.
posted by arcticseal at 9:00 AM on July 1, 2013


I went back to my parents' house the other day so that we could book some plane tickets together, because my dad can't handle being on the telephone and the computer at the same time. My brother and his girlfriend started coming up the stairs and my Dad called out, "Kaleeshee! Kaleeshee!"

"You see," he explained to me, "she just bleached her hair, so I call her Kaleeshee. You know, like the Game of Thrones character, Kaleeshee."

She walked in, and she did indeed have very long bleached hair.

"Hi Kaleeshee," he said. "What have you been up to, Kaleeshee?"

"Do you even watch Game of Thrones?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

"Does this, you know...get old, ever?" I asked her.

"You should really watch Game of Thrones, Kaleeshee," said my Dad.

"Oh no," she said. "It never gets old."
posted by Acheman at 10:59 AM on July 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


Game of Thrones has cast its Red Viper of Dorne
posted by homunculus at 11:05 AM on July 1, 2013


This had me laughing so much my kid looked at me warily and asked me what I was laughing at. Then again, everything I know about the show I learned from The Soup and that clip where the guy's all "I'm. Not. Tired.", so...not much.
posted by zorrine at 12:13 PM on July 1, 2013


All these years later, I still call any character played by Daniel Dae Kim "Lt. Smugman," because that's what I called his character on Crusade. (That one also featured Dr. Tangoguy and B Martinez (Not A Martinez, but an incredible simulation)).
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:41 PM on July 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also I think it was revealed that he was into incest with his sister like three pages into GRRM trying to sell him as the new main character we're supposed to give a shit about.

Not only does Theon kill kids (to make it look like Bran and Rickon are dead), but book two actually implies they might even be his own kids. I'm not sure why I can deal with Jaime trying to kill Bran and not deal with Theon succeeding at killing kids -- it may be that the motivations are so different? Jaime knows that if Bran tells anyone what he saw, that's it for the Lannisters...Jaime himself, and Cersei, their kids, and by extension probably the whole family and maybe the kingdom altogether. Theon is basically just trying to impress his dad.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:45 PM on July 1, 2013


I've been operating under the remembrance that Reek/Ramsay Bolton sort of forced/goaded Theon into killing the farm kids, but reading a summary of Book 2 that doesn't actually make any sense with the timeline. Weird.

Theon is basically just trying to impress his dad.

Well, he's trying to impress his dad in a vague sense, but in a more immediate sense he's trying to impress and maintain control over his own troops, who see him as the weak-willed sham that he is.
posted by muddgirl at 3:56 PM on July 1, 2013


No, that's correct, Reeksey is the one who suggests it. I think he even personally flays the corpses so that they're unrecognizable and can be passed off as Bran and Rickon.
posted by kagredon at 4:25 PM on July 1, 2013


Ah, great. Like I said, very weak-willed, for all his bravado.
posted by muddgirl at 4:41 PM on July 1, 2013


Theon will inevitably die in a Heroicish But Pointless Sacrifice to pseudoredeem himself, which makes me grumpy because I perversely think that he's suffered enough AND he should live a long life to suffer more. I hope for his comfortably dull retirement raising goats in platonic partnership with Fake Arya. Or he can roam the seas/highways as Asha's kinda-off sidekick who gets ever slightly more terrifying the longer you know him. Crazy with a little Jack Sparrow, a little Joker. "You wanna know how I got these scars" AIIIEEEE.

But when-not-if Theon goes down I really hope it's (trying) to take out bodysnatching-Bran gone full into AKIRA psychic murder tantrum, because medieval double jeopardy is delicious.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:12 PM on July 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Snoop Lion weighs in: on the question that is on everyone's mind.

MattCunnelly 397 points 4 hours ago
Snoop, who do you think is the rightful King of Westeros?

Here_Comes_The_King[S] 1231 points 3 hours ago
mother of dragons or tha midget
posted by Ad hominem at 12:12 AM on July 2, 2013 [10 favorites]


I can't believe I actually agree with Snoop on something. Well, that and watching One Life To Live, apparently.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:59 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well, that's pretty much the greatest thing I've ever read on the internet.
posted by elsietheeel at 9:35 AM on July 3, 2013


George R.R. Martin: This is what the Iron Throne REALLY looks like
posted by homunculus at 5:59 PM on July 9, 2013


Between the Wall and the towering Iron Throne, ASoIaF is gonna be the best cycle of metal albums ever.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:45 AM on July 10, 2013


Behind the Music of Game of Thrones
posted by homunculus at 11:35 PM on July 10, 2013


Very interesting, but admittedly I clicked through and was kind of disappointed that this wasn't a parody of the VH1 show of the same name.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:09 PM on July 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


If only people ate more pies.

Lamprey pie. What needs a man do to get a good lamprey pie in these regions?

And some Toasted Dothraki Pie. Feed the children!
posted by surplus at 5:36 AM on July 17, 2013


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