"Fine! I'll do it!"

December 7, 2001 11:56 AM

"Fine! I'll do it!" Man cuts off the penis. There, I did it. It has been 2 days since the last penis-related post. This is the most recent penis-related post. Dear Penis-amputating man: That thing there, in the Bible, it's a metaphor! Love, Jesus
posted by jaysoucy (37 comments total)

The verse, from the New Testament, reads ``If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.''

Criminy. Now even the Bible needs to come with a warning label.
posted by pudders at 12:05 PM on December 7, 2001

12642 members

There can never be enough penis-related posts! Huzzah!
posted by legibility at 12:06 PM on December 7, 2001

Doctors said the man's penis showed several wounds, indicating that the man had hacked at it several times before it detached.

Family members said they rushed the man to a nearby hospital in Bacolod where doctors said they had stitched up and reconstructed his penis, although it is now 20 percent shorter.

Obviosly the bible needs to be banned or have age stickers on it. Kids might read and do the same, not at all different from those wrestling shows and quake games, right?
posted by tiaka at 12:09 PM on December 7, 2001

There is no reason to assume that Jesus was kidding. If this guys sexual drive was causing him to live a sinful like, then it would be much better to cut it off than go to hell when he dies. How many of us would go so far for our convictions. Not many I would guess.
posted by tayknight at 12:12 PM on December 7, 2001

The world is full of crazy people. Who is still surprised by this?
posted by rushmc at 12:13 PM on December 7, 2001

The man who shot John Wilkes Booth, the assassin of Abraham Lincoln, castrated himself for the same reason. He has an interesting story.
posted by Faze at 12:14 PM on December 7, 2001

Via Davezilla, a duck with a 42.5 cm penis. Word.
posted by adampsyche at 12:14 PM on December 7, 2001

But in reality, wouldn't it be your balls driving you to sin more than your penis? Any biologists or doctors out there that can clear this up? This is important stuff...
posted by spilon at 12:41 PM on December 7, 2001

There is no reason to assume that Jesus was kidding. If this guys sexual drive was causing him to live a sinful like, then it would be much better to cut it off than go to hell when he dies. How many of us would go so far for our convictions.

Right on.
posted by aaronshaf at 12:49 PM on December 7, 2001

Jesus loved his penis.
posted by Neale at 12:51 PM on December 7, 2001

There is no reason to assume that Jesus was kidding. If this guys sexual drive was causing him to live a sinful like, then it would be much better to cut it off than go to hell when he dies. How many of us would go so far for our convictions.


If this were true, lopping of his johnson was the wrong choice. If he'd waylayed the jewels he'd have eliminated his drive and still been able to aim...
posted by shagoth at 1:04 PM on December 7, 2001

wouldn't it be your balls[jewels] driving you to sin more than your penis[johnson]?

i'm no doctor. but i'd say it's still the weenie's fault. going back to the verse "hand or your foot causes you to sin" ... it's the part which acts that requires amputation, not the part directing the action. if that were the case, he should have chopped his (primary) head off.

the part i don't get is "He indulged himself by reading the Bible.'' was he reading it one-handed or what?
posted by danOstuporStar at 1:26 PM on December 7, 2001

If this were true, lopping of his johnson was the wrong choice. If he'd waylayed the jewels he'd have eliminated his drive and still been able to aim...

I don't think this is the case. After puberty, if you've had the jewels, you're stuck with a sex drive. If you were castrated BEFORE puberty, then you will never have a sex drive. Or so I've been told. Any MetaPhysicians wish to comment?
posted by SilentSalamander at 1:29 PM on December 7, 2001

Let me reassure you all that Jesus understood and used metaphors. You may all keep all your body parts, ok?
posted by bunnyfire at 1:29 PM on December 7, 2001

...oh, you mean this ISN'T MeatFilter?
posted by groundhog at 1:41 PM on December 7, 2001

yet another reason to stay away from people in general.
posted by Satapher at 1:48 PM on December 7, 2001

I was always under the impression that the reason the castrate people, is to eleminate the sex drive...
posted by SweetJesus at 1:50 PM on December 7, 2001

How are humans supposed to decide which words of God are metaphor and which words are dogma? I know how fundamentalists and non-believers would answer, but how can the average middle-of-the-road Christian decide? Especially when different people can read the Bible and come up with two different viewpoints on the same issue?

That's why I gave up on religion in general. Too often it seemed like a game of "Guess what the deity is REALLY thinking."
posted by turaho at 2:04 PM on December 7, 2001

Jesus understood and used metaphors

He also understood and used puns. "You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church." In other words, he was saying Peter was well-named (the name means "rock" and his faith was solid), and that he would build his church upon this rock of faith. It loses something in the translation to English, though.
posted by kindall at 2:30 PM on December 7, 2001

That dude could've made a lot more money on PayPerView than that guy who wants to cut off his feet.
posted by catatonic at 2:30 PM on December 7, 2001

On castration in general: That is a good question. What does castration do, exactly, if done after puberty? I have heard many conflicting reports. Does removing the ovaries remove a woman's sex drive, if it is done after sexual maturity? (Sorry for the thread hijacking, I know you folks love the penis threads.)
posted by Charmian at 2:47 PM on December 7, 2001

yet another reason to stay away from people in general

all the more reason to stay away from fundamentalists. take the guy in this story, who did this out of religious fervor, and compare him to someone who might do something similar in the name of art, ie. body modification. personally, I think both are quite extreme, but I would be much less afraid of the artist in this scenario, than I would be of the fundamentalist. I've never known an artist to start a war over their beliefs, for instance. fundies, on the other hand...
they can be quite scary at times
posted by lizardboy at 2:55 PM on December 7, 2001

Toraho-> for middle of the road people, it requires thinking what Jesus would want us to do (and for Catholics, largely what the Church says). ie, that verse would be metaphor meaning stay away from porno if it causes you to sin. Another verse is something like along the lines that Jesus will divide rather than unite families. What many people view this as is that Jesus comes above all else, so if you have to choose between Jesus and family, and its Jesus. On the other hand, things like the Last Supper and Confession are meant to be taken literally.
posted by jmd82 at 3:04 PM on December 7, 2001

Well, how can i tell if YOU are using metaphor????
posted by bunnyfire at 4:04 PM on December 7, 2001

you might not notice cuz of the surgical retractor in his body cavity, but he's hangin to the left.
posted by kliuless at 4:11 PM on December 7, 2001

``He also advised other people to remove nude photos from their walls so that small children will not become sex maniacs later,'' the mother said.

Yeah, crazy sex maniacs, like people cutting off their own genitalia .. uh ..
posted by Eloquence at 4:28 PM on December 7, 2001

If it's not a metaphor then it's just logically stupid. Your hands and feet don't actually cause you to sin, they're just the means. Cutting off his dick would be the wrong choice, he should of just given himself an icepick lobotomy. Or used an icecream scoop for something similar.
posted by davidgentle at 4:35 PM on December 7, 2001

Edward Gibbon wins first prize for Most Polite Way to Describe Self-Castration: Origen "judged it the most prudent to disarm the tempter" (Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire vol. 1, chap. 15).
posted by thomas j wise at 5:16 PM on December 7, 2001

Charmian: Ovaries have a twofold function: to produce germ cells (eggs) and to produce female sex hormones (estrogen, progesterone and many other hormones, only some of whose functions we understand). Most scientists/doctors think the female libido is modified mostly by the brain. However, testosterone does increase female libido (maybe).

Testicles do two things really well: they make testosterone and they make sperm. In humans, castration after puberty usually has little effect on the sex drive. This suggests that in humans after puberty, the sex hormones have a lessened effect on sexuality, and learning plays a more important role.

I'm not a doctor, I only play one on MeFi.
posted by acridrabbit at 5:19 PM on December 7, 2001

Meh, it's just not impressive anymore. It's hanging there, protruding, one swift motion and it's off, it's crazy but it's just too easy, and this - it's tired.

When someone removes their own liver or lung and lives to tell the tale I'll be interested again.
posted by holloway at 6:55 PM on December 7, 2001

So after castration, human males can still have erections and engage in sex (but without sperm)? [Well, that explains why he didn't go for the testes] So all of those groups who castrated themselves were wasting their time, I suppose.
posted by Charmian at 7:06 PM on December 7, 2001

Charmian, castration means separating the balls from the human, not the penis.

Somebody needs to go back to basic science/human phisiology class.

Wait. What goups?
posted by acridrabbit at 8:27 PM on December 7, 2001

I'm pretty sure he qualifies for a Darwin, even though he didn't kill himself, he made sure he wouldn't produce any more dumb-asses.
posted by signal at 8:58 PM on December 7, 2001

I was referring to the Heaven's Gate organization, and some various other groups who castrated themselves to avoid sexual desire.
posted by Charmian at 10:03 PM on December 7, 2001

i don't think i'd follow any god that would have me lop off my own wanky. "he loves us so much" lol
see you in hell at the grand weenie roast.
posted by ggggarret at 7:09 AM on December 8, 2001

Castration, "a word which, before Freud, never meant removal of the penis, only the testicles," and religion have been closely associated throughout human existence. "Abelard (of Abelard-and-Heloise fame), following his castration, was an important figure in the medieval Christian church."
posted by Carol Anne at 8:34 AM on December 8, 2001

"He indulged himself by reading the Bible."

This struck me as hilarious.
posted by brittney at 11:34 AM on December 8, 2001