"As an experiment, they dated for 40 days."

July 18, 2013 10:14 AM

"What do you do when you're tired of the prospect of dating?" Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman, both designers in New York City, found themselves single at the same time. Thus was born 40 Days of Dating, an experimental relationship being chronicled daily from July 10 to August 18, 2013.
posted by rensar (333 comments total)

The horrible site layout makes me want to break up with BOTH of them.
posted by mochapickle at 10:17 AM on July 18, 2013 [24 favorites]

What's wrong with the site layout? Seems pretty straightforward.
posted by Sreiny at 10:19 AM on July 18, 2013

This is just trolling for a movie deal, right?
posted by Tsuga at 10:21 AM on July 18, 2013 [18 favorites]

My inclination is to think that if you try to turn a potentially romantic relationship into an art project, you're going to end up with crappy art and a crappy relationship.
posted by stenseng at 10:22 AM on July 18, 2013 [37 favorites]

What's wrong with the site layout? Seems pretty straightforward.

Well it seems to start at day 40 instead day 1, which is an odd stylistic choice.

Also, I want to give these guys the benefit of the doubt but it seems awfully well designed to transition into a quick book for sale with the hopes of selling a rom-com screenplay out of it.

But I guess I'm just a cynic.
posted by modernnomad at 10:22 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'm confused about how the dates all say "March". Did this already happen and they're just releasing one a day?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:22 AM on July 18, 2013

A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: It's top-posted.
Q: What's wrong with the site layout?
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 10:22 AM on July 18, 2013 [115 favorites]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but whatever happened to emotionlessly using people for mutually enjoyable sex?
posted by elizardbits at 10:23 AM on July 18, 2013 [44 favorites]

Self-absorbed New York designers? Great!!!
posted by crazy_yeti at 10:23 AM on July 18, 2013 [15 favorites]

Rule three is, "We will see a couples therapist once a week". That's kinda pathetic when you're dating, especially dating a friend.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:25 AM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

I get what you're saying ElDiablo, but I've been checking this everyday, so it's nice that the most recent is at the top. Like any old blog. Once it's finished and a final archive, I could see how earliest first would make sense.
posted by Sreiny at 10:25 AM on July 18, 2013

elizardbits, I know next to nothing about you beyond what I've read in your comments recently, but I think I'm developing an unhealthy internet crush.
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 10:26 AM on July 18, 2013 [5 favorites]

Don't follow her tumblr tho' she uses curses.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:27 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

This is an insightful project into people who wander art galleries all day and go to therapy while dating.
posted by lattiboy at 10:28 AM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

GET IN LINE, QUESO
posted by nathancaswell at 10:28 AM on July 18, 2013 [5 favorites]

403 forbidden
posted by elizardbits at 10:28 AM on July 18, 2013 [11 favorites]

We all have crushes on elizardbits.

So really we could do the XXXTREME version of this... art... experiment... relationship.... whatever. Where 1000+ Mefites mefi-marry elizardbits for 40 days. And then maybe we could pitch it to a studio as a hip new romantic comedy in the age of the interbutts.

Only if she wants to be married to 1000+ of us, of course.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:29 AM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but whatever happened to emotionlessly using people for mutually enjoyable sex?

So I could be wrong, but I think that their problem is that they've been emotionally using people for mutually enjoyable sex. They've got to crank that back.

This thing feels awry, like a sitcom where you're expected to already love the characters just as it begins. Still, glad that they're posting the updates after the experiment has ended.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:29 AM on July 18, 2013

Oh my GOD I am SO OVER this STUPID new way of formatting websites arghhhhh
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:29 AM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

What's wrong with the site layout? Seems pretty straightforward.

It's basically illegible on my obselete mandated browser.
posted by Jahaza at 10:29 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Some of my best friends are graphic designers.

I fucking hate graphic designers.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:29 AM on July 18, 2013 [15 favorites]

Second date: couples therapy.

What the hell.
posted by nerdler at 10:30 AM on July 18, 2013 [8 favorites]

What's wrong with the site layout? Seems pretty straightforward.

Well for one thing, the daily questionnaire layout. They answer the same questions, and often these answers interplay in a way that makes the story more interesting. (I am assuming it's all contrived.) It'd be better if each question matched up vertically so you could see that better.
posted by mochapickle at 10:30 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

So they gave up after day 11, or what? (Day 1 was Mar 20).
posted by crazy_yeti at 10:31 AM on July 18, 2013

This tumblr... it has cursing? TO THE INTARWEBZ!!!
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 10:31 AM on July 18, 2013

wait maybe it is march RIGHT NOW ARGH
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:31 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

All the text messages say march. I think they are just releasing one per day, some four months later, after they could get all the word art segments produced.
posted by mochapickle at 10:32 AM on July 18, 2013

Oh shit! Jessica Walsh is the new partner at Stefan Sagmeister's firm, which recently sparked a MetaFilter debate over its all-nude announcement pictures. She is very good at what she does. But this design is still irritating as all hell.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:35 AM on July 18, 2013

I realize this is a project, so they're coming at this thing sideways. But going to see a couples therapist as soon as they start dating? Ugh.

That kind of relationship work is something you do to help a relationship endure, not get it started. This idea that right off the bat, you need to be analyzing, struggling, and agonizing over every little thing is the source of probably half the miserable people who post on AskMe. If you don't start out with months on months of constantly kissing, talking, and being delighted with each other, you are doing it wrong and probably wasting your damn time.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:39 AM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

And I hadn't heard of Tim Goodman, but he seems like a madly talented person too, judging by his web site. Though he comes off as a bit abrasive on this web site.

I mean, this is an interesting idea, and both people are doing a decent job of writing this all up. I'm curious where this goes. But it has that extra layer of, LET'S GRAPHIC DESIGN THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, that seemingly afflicts every professional designer that I know. At some point, your precious design is getting in the way of me trying to read, and at that point you are just being douchey.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:41 AM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Wait, this is a "crazy experiment" (from what one of them says on the about page?) The whole, "if we're both still single by $TIME, we'll go on a date | bang | get married" thing borders on cliche among people I know. Usually as a joke, but I've seen the occasional person try to follow through on it (spoiler alert: it does not usually end well.)

Jessica Walsh is a designer based in New York City. She is a hopeless romantic who jumps into relationships very quickly.

Timothy Goodman is a designer based in New York City. He is afraid of commitment & tends to date many girls at the same time.

All together now: DTMFA. Both of you.
posted by kagredon at 10:41 AM on July 18, 2013 [9 favorites]

I can't read it except by just jumping around and hoping I get some text here and there.
posted by sweetkid at 10:43 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

So really we could do the XXXTREME version of this... art... experiment... relationship.... whatever. Where 1000+ Mefites mefi-marry elizardbits for 40 days. And then maybe we could pitch it to a studio as a hip new romantic comedy in the age of the interbutts.

This is worse than the time all of NYC tried to propose to elizardbits during a baseball game. What happened to the scoreboard screen is... not convenient to describe.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:44 AM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

However, I also greatly enjoy spontaneity. So I’ll plan for more spontaneity.

I LOLed.

This is a reality TV show but it's a website.
posted by Mental Wimp at 10:45 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

We discussed Tim’s relationship patterns, and how he’s in a constant cycle between three women. There is always one girl he’s really excited about that he’s trying to go out with, a second girl he’s been seeing for a few weeks and is getting tired of, and a third girl he’s been seeing a while and is getting ready to break up with.

Bleah.
posted by yoink at 10:47 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

It is so hard to read this because of the periods between each word. What is this even?
posted by corb at 10:51 AM on July 18, 2013

I'd feel really weird about going to couples therapy with someone who was, effectively, just a friend, even a good friend who'd talked to me about relationships before (as they seem to be.) Hell, at that point it isn't even really "couples therapy" is it, because that's meant to work on issues within the joint relationship. This is just sitting in on your friend's therapy session, and there's something really unsettling about that.
posted by kagredon at 10:53 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

stenseng: My inclination is to think that if you try to turn a potentially romantic relationship into an art project, you're going to end up with crappy art and a crappy relationship.

...That it's harder to be artists than lovers
And you shouldn't try to mix the two
'Cause if you do and you're still unpopular
Then you know that the problem is you
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 10:56 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

I believe the point of the couple's therapy is a reflection point as part of the project, not something they think is part of the normal dating process.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:57 AM on July 18, 2013

The couple's therapy is one of the rules for the project and probably not something either would do normally.
If one of the goals is for Jessica and Timothy to reflect both to the audience and to themselves more honestly and effectively about an "artificial" relationship, a third-party mediator seems almost necessary to actually completing the 40 days.
posted by mfu at 11:03 AM on July 18, 2013

Fell into their own navels and couldn’t escape.
posted by bongo_x at 11:05 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

This site can't be read with NoScript turned on. All those colors are super jarring. The two-column format was distracting.
Designers should be the people that make the website readable and easy to use. But whenever I see a website that's a jumbled cacaphony, I think "uh oh, they hired a designer!"
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 11:07 AM on July 18, 2013

Should we just cast it now?

Krysten Ritter as Jessica Walsh, our ever-hopeful, but increasingly cynical quintessential young New Yorker.

Ryan Gosling as Timothy Goodman, our handsome charmer who learns that sometimes what you are looking for is already in your life.
posted by MoxieProxy at 11:09 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

It really seems that, where the story is so far, Jessica is seeing this as actual dating and Timothy is seeing it as... I dunno, a lark? But I reeeeeally can't tell if either of them is emotionally or physically attracted to the other. This is just confusing.

But perhaps I'm just resentful because one thousand percent of dudes I've met off OKCupid in NYC have perfectly embodies this quote from Timothy: "What do you love most about being single? Freedom. Why are the majority of single women I know disappointed, and the majority of the single men I know are having a blast?" Fuck you too, Timothy.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:10 AM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

Also, I want to give these guys the benefit of the doubt but it seems awfully well designed to transition into a quick book for sale with the hopes of selling a rom-com screenplay out of it.

I'd watch a rom-com about a couple -- an artsy, writerly pair even, maybe one's an adjunct professor with a couple of published chapbooks and the other is a photographer who picked up web design and never dropped it, who met via Craigslist, maybe, or maybe via some community weblog -- that cooks up a scheme to create a blog with the goal of a quick book sale and selling a rom-com screenplay out of it.

The blog of their "true" 40 day romance is contrived from start to finish, with plenty of story arc and rich design. The arc of their real life romance ain't; there is no romance. There's no hate either. Instead, it's a caper movie, and instead of stealing something, they have to figure out how to convince everyone what they have is valuable enough to pay for, which involves a secondary fake romance, to convince the Hollywood exec types they're authentic beneath the fake blog romance.

So Adaptation, if Adaptation was a non-rom-com.
posted by notyou at 11:11 AM on July 18, 2013 [19 favorites]

My inclination is to think that if you try to turn a potentially romantic relationship into an art project, you're going to end up with crappy art and a crappy relationship.
posted by stenseng at 1:22 PM on July 1

Not true. I have a lovely sculpture in my living room that I once dated.
posted by orme at 11:14 AM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

Minor interesting point: their secrets are different, on the secret gumball machine thing, but they each have pictures of them.
posted by corb at 11:19 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

My inclination is to think that if you try to turn a potentially romantic relationship into an art project, you're going to end up with crappy art and a crappy relationship.
posted by stenseng at 1:22 PM on July 1

Not true. I have a lovely sculpture in my living room that I once dated.
Sincerely, Pygmalion
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 11:21 AM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

Odds are that they recreated the secret notes for the website.
posted by dobi at 11:21 AM on July 18, 2013

So really we could do the XXXTREME version of this... art... experiment... relationship.... whatever. Where 1000+ Mefites mefi-marry elizardbits for 40 days.

XXXtreme? Guys, I know we all like elizardbits and enjoy her company, but there may come a point at which she finds a flashmob of people hitting on her kinda creepy.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:23 AM on July 18, 2013 [5 favorites]

Also: do we only have until day 10? These are written from a while ago, what is the deal? Did something go Horrifically Awry?
posted by corb at 11:23 AM on July 18, 2013

But they didn't have a control relationship. This is never going to make it past peer review!
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:30 AM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

How have they not slept together yet? HOW DO YOU GO ON TEN "DATES" WITHOUT SLEEPING TOGETHER?

Man, maybe this is the whole "millienials just can't stop getting it on" but it seems these two are missing out on the second or third most fun thing about dating.

A bottle of wine, a pack of cigarettes, a home-cooked potluck melange, mood lighting, vigorous, flirty discussion where you talk about the FUTURE and YOUR DREAMS and rub against each other and before you know it you're trying to navigate the whole no-pants-but-socks thing and fumbling with her bra.
posted by pmv at 11:30 AM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

No, they recorded all this stuff separately, and are only now publishing this on a daily basis.

I have to say that as much as I thought the concept of this was kind of contrived, the execution (writing-wise; still not liking that design) is fantastic. Each of them is willing to go to such lengths to talk about their own feelings that you get a real sense of the ways in which each is misinterpreting the other. It's interesting seeing how Tim and Jessie both suspect each other of certain emotions or feelings or wants or needs, how a lot of the time they're pretty perceptive but sometimes they're really just dancing around each other. I'm finding myself rooting for them, and eager to see where the slowly-growing chemistry between them takes them.

This is the sort of thing that only works because the two of them are each willing to be pretty up-front with what they dislike about themselves, but also with what they like about themselves. I'm definitely on the "Tim's behavior is sort of obnoxious" side, but at the same time he comes off as a genuinely nice person who just happens to have a much different outlook on dating than Jessie does. Meanwhile, Jessie seems like a nice person as well, but I think there's definitely some awkwardness and uncertainty on her site that she acknowledges as much as Tim does. In general they both come off as likable people who want to see if something will happen, and the contrived-ness of the experiment makes this an interesting story to follow along with.

Now, I don't know just how far up the "New York microcelebrity" asshole most MeFites have crawled, but when I was a freshman in college I ate this shit up because it was more exciting than the school I was attending at the time. And there was a thing where Jakob Lodwick, one of the founders of CollegeHumor and Vimeo, dated Julia Allison, who was largely famous for annoying Gawker editors, and they kept a blog where they posted sappy feel-gooderies about how much they loved each other and how hot they each were, and there might have been tastefully cropped nude pictures as well. Anyway, at some point they really began resenting and hating each other, and the blog became a petty back-and-forth as each would post insults to the other, all in public mind you, because each of them I guess was still in the "let's tell the world everything and bring love to the world!" mindset. It was hilarious.

Compared to that, this is a somewhat-flawed art project and a very compelling story, and neither of these two seem like they're either pointlessly narcissistic (like younger graphic designers often are) or hopelessly vile human beings. So I reverse my original snark. I like it!
posted by Rory Marinich at 11:34 AM on July 18, 2013 [13 favorites]

The dates happened in the spring, they are releasing the days one at a time until August 18th. I didn't figure out why they were doing it that way. I think this is interesting, I think they're articulate about their feelings and self-aware about their strengths and weaknesses. I'll be interested to see the post after they do have sex-they'll have to do it at some point. I think they both know that and they're both interested. Thanks for the post.
posted by Kwine at 11:34 AM on July 18, 2013

There's an About Page that answers many questions:

New posts will be added daily from July 10, 2013 – August 18, 2013

IE, they dated back in March, but are posting about it "in real time."
posted by muddgirl at 11:35 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

their posture is terrible
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 11:35 AM on July 18, 2013

their posture is terrible

Yes, that drove me crazy about the video as well :)
posted by Kwine at 11:37 AM on July 18, 2013

If you forget everything else, just remember that Tim is very, very good at picking up women.
posted by Area Man at 11:37 AM on July 18, 2013

A bottle of wine, a pack of cigarettes, a home-cooked potluck melange

Look, pmv, you keep your weird Fremen dating habits on Arrakis where they belong.
posted by COBRA! at 11:38 AM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

I might not be looking in the right place, but did they each have access to the other's posts about the relationship during the course of this experiment? Because it'd be way more interesting if they didn't. A lot of it syncs too well for me to buy that, though ("I got sushi at a basketball game!"/"She got sushi at a basketball game?")

Also I really DON'T want them to have sex. It just feels icky somehow.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:39 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

HOW DO YOU GO ON TEN "DATES" WITHOUT SLEEPING TOGETHER?

posted by pmnv
posted by nathancaswell at 11:39 AM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

If you forget everything else, just remember that Tim is very, very good at picking up women.

Now I'm imagining this blog with this Tim (NSFW)
posted by kagredon at 11:50 AM on July 18, 2013

@jessicawalsh 15 Jul
@kellymohara No. We wrote them separately and didn't read them until after the experiment was over!
posted by Rory Marinich at 11:53 AM on July 18, 2013

elizardbits, I know next to nothing about you beyond what I've read in your comments recently, but I think I'm developing an unhealthy internet crush.
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 10:26 AM on July 18 [2 favorites +] [!]

Every female DJ I know at the campus radio station has gotten a phone call from someone claiming to "love" them. In some comments stream about this video, someone claimed to be "falling in love" with the narrator. People say this kind of stuff all the time. I'd like for women to be able to do things publicly without getting awkwardly hit on by men. Let's try this type of stuff instead: "I am a fan of your work".
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 11:53 AM on July 18, 2013 [18 favorites]

I saw this a few days ago and abandoned it when she went on a tirade about "what's wrong with dating and not being physically intimate." I mean, nothing wrong with it, but I'm here for the sex.
posted by gertzedek at 11:55 AM on July 18, 2013

is it too weird if I express my internet crush on Greg Nog now
posted by kagredon at 12:06 PM on July 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

Ok, I'll admit I haven't looked at the site because it seems like it doesn't work on iPads but I already don't like how this sounds and it is giving me anxiety because I am assuming they are younger, hipper, better looking and richer than me.

What kind of designers are they? Live in Brooklyn with a dozen roommate designers, studio in new construction in Manhatan or, downtown loft designers? That's all I really need to know.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:08 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

is it too weird if I express my internet crush on Greg Nog now

Enthusiastic consent changes everything, but be careful about going fishing for it.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:09 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

At least you probably have better posture, Ad hominem!
posted by Kwine at 12:10 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

I be I do. Is this where I admit my Internet crush on myself?
posted by Ad hominem at 12:11 PM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

The greatest crush of all is easy to achieve
learning to crush on yourself
it is the greatest crush of all
posted by Area Man at 12:18 PM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

It seems appropriate at this point to mention that I imagine my comments as kisses being sent to each one of you.
posted by orme at 12:19 PM on July 18, 2013

*loads 10 gallon jug of Mace into supersoaker* Looks like this thread needs a little...RE-EDUCATION *bikini kill song starts rockin* *sprays everyone in the eyes*
The Professor
[coming this fall to ABC]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:22 PM on July 18, 2013

So, my roommate first year at university and I went to counseling at the gentle insistence of the res life office as an attempt to save themselves some work of trying to find one or both of us alternate arrangements. It was an awful lot like couples counseling. It was precious.
posted by eviemath at 12:25 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Are We all dating now? Cuz I gotta monetize it if we are. I'm seriously seeing dollar signs here.

Remember though, no physical intimacy.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:27 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm not looking for commitment, I just want to make silly comments and get drunk at meetups with everyone I can
posted by kagredon at 12:28 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Now I'm wondering what art/writing projects I could have made out of my high school crushes and/or relationships. In lieu of therapy sessions, there would be just extended layperson psychoanalysis sessions with my 16 year old girlfriends about how I should interpret the fact that he has a girlfriend but then comes to see me after he drops her off for the night and whether or not our all night Erasure listening sprees had potential to turn into kissing.

(-_-)

I am eerily good at channeling my teenage self.
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:33 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

If you're not turning your high school crushes into a constant stream of poems, short stories, and song lyrics, then you're not really using them to their full potential.
posted by Rory Marinich at 12:36 PM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Whole thing screams of desperation to have this idea be sold as a screenplay and/or blog-bookdeal...
posted by wcfields at 12:39 PM on July 18, 2013

My high school crushes were turned into Vogon-grade poetry.
posted by Area Man at 12:41 PM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

Sorry...

elizardbits, I am a fan of your work.
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 12:41 PM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Rory Marinich, you totally reminded me that perzines were my version of "high-concept" project website. I should have gotten my friends to write commentary. "spamandkimchi should just tell this guy already that she likes him. I mean, like likes him, not just regular likes him."
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:42 PM on July 18, 2013

What good are dates if they don't lead to 360 deals.

I'm not dropping $200 on dinner out of pocket, I need an advance.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:43 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but whatever happened to emotionlessly using people for mutually enjoyable sex?

Nothing, that's fine. It's when you start cruising the city zoo that problems begin.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:45 PM on July 18, 2013

I'm not dropping $200 on dinner out of pocket, I need an advance.

Kickstarter, duh.
posted by Pyry at 12:51 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

I like this so far. Day 5 looked like a lot of fun - Jessica's little notes in particular are lovely. Then Day 11 is just, wow, what a shitty evening. I'm intrigued to see where they go from here.
posted by IanMorr at 12:55 PM on July 18, 2013

This whole project terrifies me
makes me party
puts my trust in god and man

...ah, fuck it.
posted by COBRA! at 12:56 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

seriously what browser are people reading this in or is it like some Magic Eye thing (I'm FF on a Mac and just see flippy craziness)
posted by sweetkid at 12:58 PM on July 18, 2013

I'm finding the idea (or at least it's execution and website) to be cloying and precious, but this metafilter discussion of it on the other hand... would TOTALLY go see that as a movie.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 1:02 PM on July 18, 2013

Yeah I can only see the background of different typographic art, then it crashes. I guess I should switch to a real computer though if I am going to keep talking shit.

Maybe I'll get back to work on the 40 drunken meetups site I'm doing. Idea is to go to 40 crazy meetups and get drunk.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:04 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

CNTRL+f " the whe-"

*pouts*
posted by The Whelk at 1:07 PM on July 18, 2013 [5 favorites]

it's weird because I'm almost the opposite of Rory Marinich here re: concept vs. execution--I'm a total sucker for "set up mildly strange life parameters to live in, then document the shit out of it"-type projects, enough that the sort-of-contrived nature of it doesn't bother me too badly, and I don't mind the design too much either--I'd like a chrono-order button, but I like the different/representative art for each day and the he-said-she-said two columns of their responses to a set of questions is a smart choice, I think, given the project's theme.

There's something that just gets under my skin about these two. There's a lot of confessional-type sharing and dissection and rumination, but it doesn't feel like there's a lot of...insight. Maybe that'll come through more in the later days.

(I guess I've learned that I don't think I would ever want to date either of these people.)

(Also, what's going on with day 7? The secret that Jessica says that Timothy got is different from the one he said that he got, but his picture of the secret still-in-capsule matches the picture she took of his secret? Buh?)
posted by kagredon at 1:16 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

CNTRL+f " the whe-"

*pouts*

You mean they didn't mention you once the whole 40 days they dated? I don't see how that is possible.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:16 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Clearly an oversight.
posted by The Whelk at 1:26 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I don't know just how far up the "New York microcelebrity" asshole most MeFites have crawled

It's too dark to say. But if I keep crawling can I get to Coney Island?
posted by octobersurprise at 1:33 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

All roads lead to Montauk.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:44 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

There's a lot of confessional-type sharing and dissection and rumination, but it doesn't feel like there's a lot of...insight.

One of the sad things I have learned as a writer is that it's our sacred duty to self-analyze and learn and grow. Other specimens of creative seem to be mildly incapable of this.

I try not to hold it against the lessers.
posted by Rory Marinich at 1:51 PM on July 18, 2013

BTW, $25 for a guaranteed mention on my 40 meetups site, $50 to keep your name out of it and hush up any indiscretions.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:56 PM on July 18, 2013

Wow. It upsets me how much I hate these people.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:59 PM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

I just don't like Tim. I want Jessie to meet someone better during the 40 days. That's the movie I want to see.
posted by Area Man at 1:59 PM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Got to Day 10:
The game tonight reminded me of my parents relationship. They always said you need a “give and take” attitude in a long lasting relationship. They are both business people, and early on in their marriage they developed a credits and debits “point system” to keep things in balance.

Suddenly I feel like I understand Jessica a lot more. I really hope that winds up under discussion at the couples therapy sessions eventually.
posted by kagredon at 2:14 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but whatever happened to emotionlessly using people for mutually enjoyable sex?

Or enjoyably using people for mutually emotionless sex.
posted by sweetkid at 2:26 PM on July 18, 2013

Yes, there is already a term for someone you spend way too much time with, go on trips with, (should) do therapy with, all while you don't have sex with anyone: it's called "your siblings when you're a kid".
posted by threeants at 2:50 PM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

Haha. Usually I skim the comments on MeFi and check out the links afterward (if there seems to be a reason to). This time, I just went for the link first, and I ended up enjoying it. I bet I wouldn't be saying that if I had read this thread and gone into it subconsciously "ready" to find things to hate. (Not saying that's why the response is so overwhelmingly negative here to begin with, but it definitely would have affected my perception.)

But I liked this. I mean yes it's not exactly a surprise that the people involved are graphic designers from NYC, and as a project it definitely leaves itself really open to ridicule and accusations of cynicism. I still think it's kind of a cool idea. It's a "low", reality TV-ish type of entertainment, yeah, but I read every word and am interested in seeing how it turns out, even though I don't normally spring for this kind of thing.

It really doesn't seem like this can possibly go well given the lack of physical intimacy so far and the rising anxiety on the dude's part. But let's see!
posted by a birds at 2:57 PM on July 18, 2013

Are they dating each other? I can't even tell.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:10 PM on July 18, 2013

*huff*
*gasp*
*grunt*

Did you blog yet?
posted by dhartung at 4:28 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

"Let's blog together!"
posted by octobersurprise at 4:36 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I read the first three days and I hate Timothy already. Or I thought I did until I read, "I think Jessie caught me looking at the Knicks score on my phone during the play. Whoops. Then I REALLY hated him.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:50 PM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

I kind of liked it too. It's fascinating to get to see two people's different interpretations of events side-by-side. A good reminder that we all tend to be unreliable narrators of our own experience. I am waiting for the dude to show a crack in his too-cool-for-school emotional facade so that they have a chance of a connection, and for the girl to figure out and communicate what *she* wants and then ease off a bit, rather than pressuring him to figure out what he wants. But it's day eleven and already going sideways. Will be back for more I think. :)
posted by PercussivePaul at 5:03 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

"Let's blog together!"

Simultaneous bloggasm is a myth!
posted by yoink at 5:04 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Simultaneous bloggasm is a myth!

You just have to know where the blogspot.com is.
posted by Pyry at 5:09 PM on July 18, 2013 [10 favorites]

The nice thing about posting this on day 11 is we can talk about this all the way up till when the thread closes in day 40!
posted by Rory Marinich at 5:58 PM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Let's meet here tomorrow and discuss their next "date".
posted by Area Man at 6:21 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I still don't understand how you guys can read it. Serious which browsers, how does it work?
posted by sweetkid at 6:31 PM on July 18, 2013

Serious which browsers

Firefox. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and mouseover the bottom two pics, on mouseover it becomes "Day One." Click it. A bunch of text appears under the "Day One" heading. Scroll down using the down arrow and read the text (in two columns, his 'n hers). When you've done with "Day One" you can then scroll up to the next set of pics above the "Day One" ones until "Day Two" appears on mouseover and click that. Rinse, lather, repeat.
posted by yoink at 6:39 PM on July 18, 2013

Just reading their about page makes me think, "These two dating sounds like a horrible mismatch of friendship-ending already." I haven't gotten through the rest.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:24 PM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

But they didn't have a control relationship. This is never going to make it past peer review!

I do not see any IRB documentation on the site, either. They're going to be in so much trouble.
posted by winna at 7:39 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Let's meet here tomorrow and discuss their next "date".

Can we give ourselves a series of questions that we have to answer every day, in order to see how our attitudes towards this project change over time?

Did you read 40 Days of Dating Today?

Do you think anything interesting happened?

Did you learn anything new about Timothy?

Did you learn anything new about Jessica?

Did you learn anything new about yourself?

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?

Is there anything that you want them to do differently?

Additional Comments?
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:14 PM on July 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

In response to the browser question: I've been looking at the site on my iPhone.
posted by Area Man at 8:22 PM on July 18, 2013

I finally figured it out on my iPad
posted by sweetkid at 8:32 PM on July 18, 2013

There's something I don't like about him but maybe I'm projecting my own dating annoyances. Seeing his tumblr (via his design site) of women wearing blue bottoms didn't help.
posted by Bunglegirl at 9:20 PM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Wow, the "blue bottoms" thing strikes me as both creepy and bland. What a weird combination. The only other thing I can think of that falls into that part of the Venn diagram is Lululemon. Seriously what is up with that place. Anyway, well done Tim, I guess.
posted by en forme de poire at 10:20 PM on July 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

Wow, I noticed it too! I was just on 34th street and I noticed all these women wearing like blue high waisted shorts and matching tops! Most wearing espadrilles. I felt bad enought looking at their clothes already I wouldn't have taken pics.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:27 PM on July 18, 2013

Wow, the "blue bottoms" thing strikes me as both creepy and bland.

Ew. And he has a little girl in there, and the quotes are stupid. That electric blue has been in an "in" color in the past year (on its way out now I think) and is in a lot of stores and so people are wearing it. That's the story.
posted by sweetkid at 8:48 AM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]

Day 12 is up. I was just mildly irritated by Timothy before, but today his segment concludes with this little gem: However, I gotta admit her Crazy is starting to turn me on.

Dick.
posted by kagredon at 8:49 AM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

yea Jessica's Poppy story is pretty sweet but Tim just looks worse and worse. I like that they give each other cute little gifts though. Even if they're doing it mostly for the pictures.
posted by sweetkid at 8:57 AM on July 19, 2013

Yeah, seriously. I regret that Tim is the guy representing us guys; he's like a walking cliche. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, different paths, etc., but that blue bottoms thing is uncomfortable as shit and his constantly writing about Jessie from the "do I want to bang her yet?" is way less respectful/interesting than her responses, which come off as a lot more introspective.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:05 AM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]

I regret that Tim is the guy representing us guys

I don't think all guys are like Tim - but he is putting in a certain context a lot of the motivation behind the behavior of guys I've briefly dated.
posted by sweetkid at 9:13 AM on July 19, 2013

Ha! Yeah, that mindset is pretty common. An old roommate of mine had a posse of guy friends who all acted that way, and being in the room with them when their lady friends weren't there was kind of uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable because of how often their conversations would revolve around whether or not any of them had seen naked/hooked up with the lady friends who'd just left a couple minutes ago, going through them in order like a neat, orderly discussion of possible-sex-having candidates. They'd also go through Facebook friends-of-friends and see if they could meet any new women through the ones they already knew.

I've been told that for some guys this is just a normal thing that you do, starting at puberty or whenever and then it defines your whole social life. And clearly that's the case, because so many guys agree that that's what happens? Anyway, yeah that's real and how lots of guys actually think, and plenty of them even think that "acting like a real human being around somebody who is not a guy" is just something you do as a formality and then once you get laid you can just start having sex and not doing that other stuff anymore. Like a guy will take a girl out to the movies a couple of times and talk to her about movies and then after they've had sex, if she wants to go to a movie it's like "what why would you even ask that, fuck that you're crazy, why do women gotta have all these EXPECTATIONS"
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:25 AM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]

Greg you don't understand because you went to Swarthmore, and all the Swarthmore bros go to Haverford and St. Joe's because all Swarthmore people do is study 23 hours a day.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:27 AM on July 19, 2013

I submit this as proof of the above statement.

But he gave gifts to people! And: had a dialogue with the community! (3:30).

I'm enjoying this thread. It just keeps giving.
posted by mochapickle at 9:29 AM on July 19, 2013

Yeah, seriously. I regret that Tim is the guy representing us guys; he's like a walking cliche. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, different paths, etc.

I sort of feel the same about Jessie, though she's grown on me a bit--but it seems like she's internalized a lot of kind of regressive received wisdom about relationships (I cringed a bit at the "being taken care of" part in today's post, though the ultimate sentiment she expressed at the end of that segment was nice.) It almost seems a little too perfectly "men do relationships like this, women do relationships like this", with a healthy streak of Freudian callbacks to their respective childhoods. Maybe they decided they wanted to play up that angle? Or maybe these sorts of people just kind of wind up naturally in each others' orbits. Or maybe this is all just a setup and on day 20 the story will swerve into being a feminist deconstruction of gender roles in relationships and/or Lovecraftian horror.
posted by kagredon at 9:32 AM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]

I submit this as proof of the above statement.

I'm actually gonna blame this video on SAA's editors, not on Tim. The music and the editing-with-questions gives that video this sense of narrative progression, whereas he obviously went in sharing a bunch of anecdotes in a conversation with somebody else, and then they tried cutting it down to a bunch of soundbites.

He's obvs not a word person, and I do try to be sympathetic to people who aren't word people, although not being a word person also means it's harder to think about things and stuff. Sigh. Poor non-word people. All struggling with the articulation and expression of complex abstractions. :(
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:35 AM on July 19, 2013

I can't decide if it's healthy or a sign of internet-induced mania that I'm a bit skeptical about the face of this project. Like, Jesse's headaches remind me of one of those cinematic "gun in the first act" things.

Either way, I'm enjoying it so far, probably because both Jesse and Tim come off as rather broken in the relationship department. It would be boring if it was just "two self-confident and well-adjusted friends try to hang out at least once a day."
posted by muddgirl at 9:38 AM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

although not being a word person also means it's harder to think about things and stuff.

Is it though? I am a word person and wonder about this. I might think too much and think about words too much. I think my therapist is a pretty smart guy but I don't think he knows as many words as I do but can still think about and articulate next steps about a situation just fine.
posted by sweetkid at 9:38 AM on July 19, 2013

I'm operating under the impression that "Tim" and "Jessie" are characters created by Tim and Jessie.
posted by mochapickle at 9:39 AM on July 19, 2013 [4 favorites]

It's okay, except for the "Tim" Character. I wonder if I'm supposed to hate him as much as I do?
posted by corb at 9:42 AM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

Is it though? I am a word person and wonder about this. I might think too much and think about words too much. I think my therapist is a pretty smart guy but I don't think he knows as many words as I do but can still think about and articulate next steps about a situation just fine.

Yeah and I know plenty of writers who aren't nearly as self-aware as their sentences would make them out to be. It's just fun to make fun of graphic designers.

I'm operating under the impression that "Tim" and "Jessie" are characters created by Tim and Jessie.

If this is the case, then the next couple of days is when Jessie will start noticing Tim picking up strange briefcases left under benches and inside trash cans. And then the shootout. And then Tim defects away from the Russians because now he's in loove and love beats commies any day.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:42 AM on July 19, 2013

Tim thinks of Jessie's moods and emotions in terms of whether she is or is not acting crazy.
posted by Area Man at 10:29 AM on July 19, 2013 [3 favorites]

because women amirite?
posted by sweetkid at 10:43 AM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

Ha! They were half-naked at a spa together and all he can talk about is her blue pants.

Also, the orange/purple flashy graphic convinces me they are totally trolling us.
posted by mochapickle at 8:29 AM on July 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

She basically gave me an ultimatum: are we just friends, or am I interested in more? I don’t like ultimatums. Yes, I am interested in more, but it just feels too risky.

That's not an ultimatum, that's a question that you're uncomfortable hearing, because you're terrified of any commitment that lasts longer than a month. Also:

The next girl he really liked slept with him too soon, so he decided he’d never be able to fully respect her.

I officially loathe Tim
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:33 AM on July 20, 2013 [5 favorites]

Ugh, he is so lame. He spent 10 minutes telling an attractive, half-naked woman who has agreed to date him for 40 days all about her faults and weaknesses? Wasn't he just telling us about how he likes to flirt?
posted by Area Man at 9:49 AM on July 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

Uggg he is so horrible but I'm increasingly a fan of hers
posted by sweetkid at 10:09 AM on July 20, 2013

I adblocked that dumb flashing .gif on the latest update. Ugh. I can't stop going back for more!
posted by dobi at 11:31 AM on July 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I HATE TIM GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH. Why on earth would Jessie be interested in him? There is nothing sexy about a "project" (I think this project proves that).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:14 PM on July 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

TEAM JESSIE
posted by sweetkid at 12:18 PM on July 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

The fact that people in this thread now appear to be invested in one "side" or the other tells me that their stupid fucking social experiment is working and now I'm officially depressed.
posted by modernnomad at 2:46 PM on July 20, 2013

What?
posted by sweetkid at 2:48 PM on July 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

Modernnomad, do you think this project is actually a plot to make people hate men or something?
posted by showbiz_liz at 3:35 PM on July 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

You know how you can get into pretty much any TV show no matter how bad if you watch enough episodes of it? Like, I watched the entire run of TV's Highlander at the age of 25. Or how you'll like any pop song if you hear it enough? This thread is like that.
posted by nathancaswell at 4:58 PM on July 20, 2013 [4 favorites]

So when do we start betting on which date they'll actually hook up?
posted by gaspode at 8:30 PM on July 20, 2013

Day 14 is up. Those headaches sound horrible. I feel bad for Jessie.
posted by Area Man at 9:09 AM on July 21, 2013

Tim outlines the pros and cons of the relationship:

Pro: Suspense and drama
Con: Drama and drama!

WTF, Tim.

Also, this reminds me less of a relationship and more and more of the Hayley Mills version of The Parent Trap, where the two girls fight so much at camp that they are forced to spend every moment together. I can't remember a time when I've dated someone and seen them absolutely every day. I'd go bonkers within a week.
posted by mochapickle at 9:13 AM on July 21, 2013 [2 favorites]

anyone who uses the phrase drama describing interpersonal relationships is in fact a huge teen summer theatre camp worth of drama
posted by The Whelk at 9:20 AM on July 21, 2013 [2 favorites]

It reminds me of Jennifer Westfeldt's film Ira and Abby, where the main characters get married after knowing each other a few hours and spend the rest of the movie getting to know each other. If you see the movie, you'll understand a lot about Westfeldt's views on marriage ( contrary to the tabloids' " Jon Hamm won't marry his girlfriend" spin on it). It's far from a perfect film but interesting.


And the male protagonist doesn't suck like Tim. Still don't know what modernnomad was upset about but Tim just sucks for a lot of us and Jessie doesn't, doesn't mean all men are terrible or something. Also he sucks in the context of this narrative in this project, maybe he's cool otherwise.
posted by sweetkid at 9:20 AM on July 21, 2013

Ok I'm back having read Tim's update. I have some more sympathy for him this day. It sounds like he's trying to reach out to her about her headaches but she's shutting him out, and she has to stop using "I never read text messages" as an excuse. Obviously it's a way he's trying to reach her during the day and I think she's going to need to compromise on that more.

Also this:

I’ve read scientific studies that say if I pretend I’m in a good mood, or if I fake a smile, I can actually trick my brain into making me feel better. Well I tried it today, and I am sad to say that it does not work.

You have to practice it. It's not going to magically work in one day.
posted by sweetkid at 9:33 AM on July 21, 2013

"I see you on your studio's web camera." Can you be any more awful, Tim?
posted by corb at 10:14 AM on July 21, 2013

"I want a real boyfriend right now" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dump Tim dump him nooooow
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2013

Is there a certain time of day each day's post goes up?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:25 AM on July 22, 2013

It's up!
posted by mochapickle at 8:41 AM on July 22, 2013

Aaargh this is the new Mad Men recap isn't it, in terms of work-derailing internetty stuff.
posted by sweetkid at 8:43 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Hmm. Two days ago I was pretty certain they would hook up by Day 22 so they would have to redirect the URL to eighteendaysofhorrifyingawkwardness.com. At least, that was the best I could hope for.

Poor Jessie.
posted by mochapickle at 8:46 AM on July 22, 2013

Did you learn anything new about Jessica?
I’m learning that she can be very easily swayed.

Oh sure, cause it can't POSSIBLY have been a rational decision based on you being a massive dickwad, can it?
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:52 AM on July 22, 2013

While we were in the steam room, Tim discussed why he didn’t think a romantic relationship between us would ever work.

Hold on now - why are they talking like this is a hypothetical? I thought the whole point of this navel-gazing duo was that they actually are in a romantic relationship. If they're not considering themselves romantically involved, then what is this?
posted by Think_Long at 8:58 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think they mean beyond the 40 days. I agree though, it's kind of confusing what the actual experiment/project/challenge is.
posted by sweetkid at 9:01 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Wait so (SPOILER) no more posts after today?
posted by sweetkid at 9:04 AM on July 22, 2013

Hold on now - why are they talking like this is a hypothetical? I thought the whole point of this navel-gazing duo was that they actually are in a romantic relationship. If they're not considering themselves romantically involved, then what is this?

fortydaysofhemmingandhawing.com?

Seriously, if this sort of back-and-forth, bloodless, chatting-about-the-possibility-of-dating counts, then I can't think of anyone I know (including myself) who hasn't done this for 40 days. Or a year. Or six.
posted by mochapickle at 9:06 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]

At least to a compelling degree.
posted by mochapickle at 9:07 AM on July 22, 2013

"Jessie I see you on your studio's web camera. I know you are sitting at your computer."

oh god what a horrible place to work
posted by Think_Long at 9:19 AM on July 22, 2013

I'm guessing there's more, given that they did ultimately decide to put the project online.
posted by kagredon at 10:13 AM on July 22, 2013

I sometimes got the impression that Jessie thought they would date for 40 days and Tim though they would spend 40 days thinking about maybe, possibly dating.

Like kagredon, I also think we'll continue to see entries. I'm guessing there will eventually be some sort of re-start.
posted by Area Man at 10:15 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

WANT MORE. Feel sympathy for both at the moment. But still mostly Jessie.
posted by sweetkid at 10:30 AM on July 22, 2013

NYDN article- contains spoilers for future days, so I guess there's more to come.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:27 PM on July 22, 2013

yea I think if I saw spoilers I just wouldn't be part of this thread any more so I'll skip em
posted by sweetkid at 1:15 PM on July 22, 2013

Damn, catching up with a bunch of days at once (I was at the Jersey Shore!), Tim comes across pretty horribly.

"She was telling me about her horrible headaches and stress. It sucks that she's doing this because now I'm really attracted to her and I wish we could stop talking about all her stupid bad feeling shit!"
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:33 PM on July 22, 2013

Day sixteen is up! Did you learn anything new about Jessica? I really think she’s crazy. And I really think it’s turning me on. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:10 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Goddamn, Tim, you're such a fucking asshole. I don't want to see you get laid out of this.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:13 AM on July 23, 2013

I don't know, I felt like this one was really contrived. Like " I feel so guilty about abandoning the project, Tim has a real fear of abandonment and now I'm doing that, too, blah" and "Jessie and me against the world!" I mean bleh.
posted by sweetkid at 7:14 AM on July 23, 2013

From reading the daily posts, I developed a pretty negative view of Tim. Then I went back and watched the rules video, and it escalated to a mild desire that he'd spontaneously combust.
posted by COBRA! at 7:17 AM on July 23, 2013

I'm not up for 20+ days of Tim telling us that crazy chicks are hot.
posted by Area Man at 8:39 AM on July 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

Since the date marked as Day One is 03/20/13, aka the vernal equinox, I assume (ok, hope) that the series culminates in Tim's sacrifice in a giant wicker man.
posted by elizardbits at 9:27 AM on July 23, 2013 [8 favorites]

God I hope this is a put-on persona/play/role thing cause otherwise Tim is just freaking insufferable.
posted by The Whelk at 9:28 AM on July 23, 2013

Since the date marked as Day One is 03/20/13, aka the vernal equinox, I assume (ok, hope) that the series culminates in Tim's sacrifice in a giant wicker man.

Best drop in wicker man reference to date.
posted by sweetkid at 10:15 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

RITUAL SACRIFICE IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE
posted by elizardbits at 10:41 AM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

I knew this thread would come to that.
posted by sweetkid at 10:52 AM on July 23, 2013

Did you sacrifice anyone today?
Did I ever!

What did y'all sacrifice?
Well, at first we were going to meet in Chelsea at a friend's artisinal Charcuterie to do a simple lamb bloodletting, but I got held up at work putting the finishing touches on a photo project. Then I got this text from Tim:

*iphone screengrab*
"Hey Jess, I've given this a lot of thought and . . . "

"And . . .???"

"I think I'm ready. My soul is prepared."

Honestly, I was floored. I knew Tim always wanted to be sacrificed, but I think some issues with his mom really prevented him from ever reaching out for it, you know? Anyway, I've been working on trusting myself to trust others lately and, after talking about it, I clove his skull upon the stone of Oden. The gods surely drank well tonight!!!

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday.
posted by Think_Long at 2:02 PM on July 23, 2013 [13 favorites]

He would like to take it slow emotionally and fast physically.
posted by Area Man at 9:22 AM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]

"Lady in the light, freak in the night"? Where's Feminist Hulk when you need him?
posted by corb at 10:49 AM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

yea that is terrible.
posted by sweetkid at 10:57 AM on July 24, 2013

AHHH SHE WANTS ME AGAIN! ABORT ABORT!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:17 AM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

The whining about how his coupled friends don't understand how hard it is to single followed by the strained and confused metaphor about baseball (really, it was more like 3-4 baseball metaphors smashed together) was hilarious. What a tool.
posted by kagredon at 2:25 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

Kissing! But you get all the way down to Tim's additional comments before we learn that Jessie hung out the night before with an ex and Tim was none too happy. So now the kissing sounds less about romance and more about marking one's territory. Like a fire hydrant. Romantic!
posted by mochapickle at 7:19 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]

I didn't think it was possible for me to hate him more but now I do.
posted by corb at 8:32 AM on July 25, 2013

First Base is kissing; Second Base is hands under dress; Third Base is hands in the pants; Home Plate is sex.

Home Plate is "sex"?!?! I don't even know how to respond to that. (I think it's the "Plate" that gets me so mad.)

First base = kissing, groping
Second base = shirts off (or hands on tits/cock), heavy petting
Third base = finger bang; quick oral sex
Home Run = full-on fucking
posted by mrgrimm at 12:27 PM on July 25, 2013

SPOILERS FOR DAY 18


TIM PUTS THE BRAKES ON HAVING SEX

BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID IT MIGHT BE READ AS COMMITMENT

DOHOHOHO I AM LAUGHING SO HARD.
posted by kagredon at 1:38 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]

Today's post is up. We get some strangely edited videos of the two of them being interviewed by a friend.

Jessie seems great. She has simple, honest answers, except that it seemed like she tried to fudge on the question of wanting kids.

I get that Tim wants to sleep around. That's not my way, but I agree that its fine if he's honest (which Jessie suggests he is not). However, if that's all he wants right now, why do this 40 days thing? Wouldn't this project work better with a guy who was more interested in change?

Finally, the emotional part of a relationship is not "bullshit."
posted by Area Man at 10:54 AM on July 26, 2013 [3 favorites]

I always think about how Tim looks like Dennis the Menace to me whenever I read his excerpts. Or Timmy from Lassie, the teen years.

Also Tim and I have a facebook friend in common. Hm.
posted by sweetkid at 12:05 PM on July 26, 2013

I enjoyed the videos in this one.
posted by sweetkid at 12:21 PM on July 26, 2013

We get some strangely edited videos of the two of them being interviewed by a friend.

I believe they are edited to show his responses and her responses separately (and to shorten them up). I assume they were taking turns answering. What I don't understand is why they sit there holding beer bottles the whole time.

Does he say "one day I'm going to be bald and bad"? Oh, man.

And then the minute that women become real people ("they hate their jobs" etc.) with other concerns aside from having sex with Tim--that's when he loses interest. He kinda sounds like he's 15 going on 30, but I suppose lots of men are.

This thing is going nowhere. She's not attracted to him; he doesn't want a relationship (or doesn't know how to have one.)

I didn't read any of the others, but I can't say I like either of them or will care anymore.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:12 PM on July 26, 2013

Does he say "one day I'm going to be bald and bad"? Oh, man.


I think bald and fat.
posted by sweetkid at 1:24 PM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

So glad that there's a MeFi thread to this — I just found out about it through a friend of mine who is friends with Jessie and Tim who mentioned it on her FB, so I spent the whole morning reading it. From her take, Tim's a lot less of a douche than he comes across, but having to focus on documenting everything really just makes him look extra terrible, like he's writing down all the stray thoughts that people have that you don't share because they make you look like an idiot.

So, uh, fingers crossed that this both gives him some better self awareness and room to grow?
posted by klangklangston at 3:05 PM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

no i definitely want her to be a hungry vampire now
posted by elizardbits at 5:00 PM on July 26, 2013 [2 favorites]

This thing is going nowhere. She's not attracted to him; he doesn't want a relationship (or doesn't know how to have one.)

I think she kind of is attracted to him, which is worse. You can build a fire from a spark. I can't imagine he's going to change much, though. This might be a trainwreck. Can't stop watching!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:55 PM on July 26, 2013

Sexy vampire librarians sounds like a great concept for an exploitation film, along the lines of She-Wolves of the SS
posted by kagredon at 10:07 PM on July 26, 2013

No signs of vampirism or lycanthropy in today's entries.
posted by Area Man at 4:56 PM on July 27, 2013

Day 23 - WTF did he SAY to her in therapy?
posted by sweetkid at 9:40 AM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I'd like to know that too. Also, Jessie, DON'T KISS SOMEONE WHO SAYS HURTFUL SHIT TO YOU IN THERAPY.
posted by corb at 9:47 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

And her additional comments are heartbreaking.
posted by corb at 9:47 AM on July 30, 2013

I hope "I need to lower my expectations" is in reference to the experiment, not her dating life overall.
posted by sweetkid at 9:50 AM on July 30, 2013

At first I thought maybe he just went off on her for being too moody and crazy, and not being sufficiently fun and flirty. However, I see Tim wrote he didn't know she was so sensitive about certain family affairs. Did he tie his criticism of her into some sort of attack on her family?
posted by Area Man at 10:01 AM on July 30, 2013

Yeah, her talk about how she just needs to be understanding makes me want to scream. Man, this is a great experiment, because it is making me really feel things. That even with a random dating experiment published on the internet, these cultural conditioning things just sneak in and are super destructive. Gragh. (and sweetkid, I sure hope so)
posted by corb at 10:14 AM on July 30, 2013 [4 favorites]

It's so extraordinarily aggravating, because his whole attitude seems to be "she's trying to constrain me and hold me down and dictate things to me, what about my feelings" when, in reality, he is demanding that the entire relationship proceed on precisely his terms and getting all petulant when she makes the slightest attempt to express her feelings. If it's not going 100% his way, it's not fair, and anything she wants is a "demand" or an "ultimatum".

I'm not just projecting all this, am I?
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:21 AM on July 30, 2013 [3 favorites]

I'm not just projecting all this, am I?

No, I don't think you are.
posted by Area Man at 10:26 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yeah, these "ultimatums" are kind of bare fucking minimum standard.
posted by corb at 10:31 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

"Tim thinks I fall within the “good girl” role and that I should channel my masculine energy more." -- haaaaah, what does this even

and from the next day: "He also said he really liked my outfit. I was wearing bright blue pants," omfg stop
posted by en forme de poire at 12:05 PM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

I know that's like a direct plug for Tim's blue bottoms site
posted by sweetkid at 12:07 PM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

Tim: "What follows *technically* happened on day 25, so I will wait to write about it then..."
Jessica: "We had sex."

lol
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:55 AM on July 31, 2013 [3 favorites]

Additionally:

"I wonder if he’ll begin to let me in more now that we’ve become physically intimate."

Hooboy
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:56 AM on July 31, 2013 [3 favorites]

NO JOHN RINGO NO
posted by corb at 7:56 AM on July 31, 2013 [1 favorite]

Eww. I was off by two days! sixteendaysofawkwardness.com

Anyway, I still think the whole thing is pretty limp for an art/psychology project. It'd be a lot more interesting if they pretended on Day 1 as if they'd already been dating seriously for months: staying at each other's apartments several times a week, running into exes at brunch, going to a friend's wedding, going on vacation, meeting parents and families, etc. That way, we'd get hilarious commentary on weird habits and reactions (I am a toothbrush walker -- I always feel compelled to walk around the house when brushing my teeth, while others like to stare at themselves in the mirror, and both types of people find the other type utterly bizarre).

Considering these are two people who are afraid to open up to each other, this more realistic dating scenario would feel a heck of a lot more daring, personal, and real than this... uh... "experiment."
posted by mochapickle at 9:58 PM on July 31, 2013 [2 favorites]

Company condoms is a hilarious idea.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:09 PM on August 1, 2013

Even more hilarious is how Tim is so coy on Day 24 about all the sexytimes technically happening on Day 25, but then he actually leaves at 12:30 am. Truly a love story for the books.
posted by mochapickle at 5:45 PM on August 1, 2013 [4 favorites]

I found out that she took an Ativan late at night to help her sleep. This upset me, and we were arguing about it a little. I know medication is very common, and it was prescribed to her, but I get sensitive about this stuff when I care for someone.

My eyes rolled so hard that they got stuck.
posted by kagredon at 6:15 PM on August 1, 2013 [1 favorite]

Hate to be that person but she should really prob not drink or have caffeine at all with her headache stuff. That collapsing episode is scary.
posted by sweetkid at 6:17 PM on August 1, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the headaches seem killer. My girlfriend used to get migraines, and I couldn't imagine her maintaining a relationship if she was having those every day. (My mom gets them too. They seem like just a horrible, unrelenting evil.)
posted by klangklangston at 6:53 PM on August 1, 2013

Cluster headaches are the worst. A friend of mine gets them and he has been suicidal in the past, because of them.

Happily, he gets medical marijuana for them now, and he's doing much better.
posted by gaspode at 7:56 PM on August 1, 2013 [1 favorite]

Okay, now I've caught up on all of last week (not just the parts involving sex, which I skipped to because SEX), and contrary to seemingly everybody else here, I'm back to liking Tim just fine.

The fascinating thing about this, for me, is how it shows two people constantly trying to voice their thoughts about themselves, about somebody else, and about how they think that other person is thinking of them. That constant twirling is neat. And the longer this goes on, the better I can see each of them as a person rooted in a particular headspace, a particular way of thinking about things, a particular kind of creative curiosity that's still limited to a sort of practical output – a "what does this get me in the end?" kind of thing.

As a former art student, I'm super familiar with that kind of mindset: being professionally creative tends to lead to a very peculiar attitude, where you simultaneously rely on your intelligence/imagination but also have to keep yourself rooted in some sort of discipline or perspective in order to not entirely freeze up. As a student I was an advertising major trying to bank hard into the least practical courses I could find, so I came across a wide range of attitudes; graphic design isn't quite as limited as pure advertising, but it's still way over on the practical side of things. So you end up with graphic designers who have great taste and are quite smart, but who've had to develop mechanisms and techniques for applying all that to their day-by-day work.

I'm not saying that only graphic designers date like Jessie and Tim date; on the contrary, there's nothing particularly unique about either of them, which surprises me somewhat. (The myth of creative people having strange and passionate romances is both troublesome and alluring.) But the way they write about their relationships has that kind of practical, focused approach to it. And it's neat. I doubt this project would have worked as well with people more bent towards self-examination, openness, etc.,* but it also would have failed with people less used to turning a critical eye towards projects.

Tim's thoughts sometimes bother me, and that blue pants thing is still weird as all heck, but he's doing a very good job of putting what's on his mind into words, then reflecting upon why he's feeling that way. The fact that sometimes he comes across as a walking stereotype, I think, is proof of his making a solid effort to explain what his mindset is regarding dating. And while I still suspect that of the two of them, Jessie's the more likely to end up hurt, I can't say that Tim is a perfect blackguard here either. Hurt comes when you take a chance and open yourself up to a person; that doesn't make opening up necessarily more righteous or honorable, or even make somebody who's more cautious about such openness into a bad person.

I say that, by the way, as somebody who is a serial open-upper; I find dating extremely painful because I will start trying to become close with anybody I've known for longer than about half an hour, and then I become longwinded and needy. So I relate far more with Jessie than I do with Tim here, and have been hurt over women who were far more dating-and-fling-focused than Tim's coming across here.

In fact, I'm noticing a pattern of Jessie making herself hard to connect with, out of her concern for manners and such. Tim's written a couple of times about how he's attempted to talk to Jessie about things, only to find that she's not open to such discussion. And some of the letters by her exes on day 22 hint at some... problematic behaviors on her part. Not problematic-worrisome or anything, just problematic-"if I was encountering this in a relationship I would get frustrated quickly". At this point I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to date either of em.

In general I think this is a pretty great project, and it's definitely one that's good because of its participants' flaws, not despite them. And it's especially fun because Jessie became kind of notorious among graphic designers this year; the only reason I read this at all was when I realized she was one of the two participants. My one close GD friend flipped a gossip-hounding shit when her joining Sagmeister's firm was announced; Stefan's one of the most colorful personalities in graphic design, and one of the more memorably wacky, so his partnering up with somebody only a few years out of college was unexpected. And her personal site immediately became a redirect to Sagmeister Walsh, which is (currently) far more about Sagmeister than it is about Walsh, so she essentially became a famous unknown. That's probably not interesting to anybody but us GD losers, but it's neat for me nonetheless.



* I kept thinking as I read this that I'd never be able to do a project like this; I'm so obsessive about figuring out why other people tick and conveying why I tick in turn that I'd end up writing both sides of the narrative myself, and my date would be too exhausted at the end of the day to write a thing.
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:44 PM on August 1, 2013 [2 favorites]

I admit to liking the project, too. I would consider doing it myself but don't have a good male candidate.
posted by sweetkid at 9:22 PM on August 1, 2013

Pretend every person you meet is a potential male candidate. Answer all these questions every day as if they will take you somewhere. See if it does.

Then shoot an unnecessarily well-produced video of you sitting in a chair as another version of you pours things onto your head, and a third you sits in a chair across from yourself watching.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:48 PM on August 1, 2013

ahahaha

1) they're going to disney world
2) tim just referenced an episode of sex and the city
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:23 AM on August 2, 2013

Still catching up after being out of town, but LOLOL forever that Tim had *8* girls deny him handwritten notes about their "relationship" (in quotes because I'm doubtful he was any nicer to them then he's being to Jesse). LOLOL that he even asked and LOL that they had the good sense to say no.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:31 AM on August 3, 2013 [4 favorites]

Also, I can smell the passion-agression in Tim's opening comment on day 26: We met at Jessie’s studio on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It's a beautiful day but here we are, at her office again! Another forum I frequent is following this site, too, and they're much more critical of Jessie then we are- one poster sums it up as, "She is overly committed to her work, withdrawn, anxious, constantly and dramatically ill, and super judgy of his previous relationships. Sounds like a peach…why wouldn't he be all over a serious relationship with her?!" I see her point. Now I pretty much hate them both.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:10 PM on August 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

They're not posting daily anymore! Note the update: New posts are added Monday to Friday, from July 10, 2013 – August 22, 2013
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:42 PM on August 3, 2013

Day 27. It's interesting that Tim usually leaves out any part of the day that doesn't directly involve him, or that might paint him in a negative light. Jessie goes to the gym because she's becoming interested in her health, tells Tim she'll cook dinner, and he has a short fit about it. Tim's version: Jessie cooked me dinner!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:56 AM on August 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

I decided to catch up cause I missed a few days and Holy Freaking Hell Tim Is The Worst.
posted by The Whelk at 9:05 AM on August 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

I can smell the passion-agression ...

There's a lot of it (passive-aggressive behavior)

Did anything interesting happen?
She overcooked the asparagus.

That's not interesting; it's another chance to criticize.

I feel so “American” compared to Jessie. It really hit me tonight. At my core, I’m just an Ohio boy who loves basketball, books, beer, babes, and barbecue. ... Jessie likes mysterious foreign guys who wear all black, talk about gothic architecture, and contemplate human existence.

Which one of those stereotypes is good and which is bad?

My favorite two recent responses from Tim:

Day 23: Is there anything that you want to do differently?
Jessie wrote me a nice note today.

...

Day 27: Is there anything that you want to do differently?
Keep it going!

ugh
posted by mrgrimm at 3:52 PM on August 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

feel so “American” compared to Jessie. It really hit me tonight. At my core, I’m just an Ohio boy who loves basketball, books, beer, babes, and barbecue. ... Jessie likes mysterious foreign guys who wear all black, talk about gothic architecture, and contemplate human existence.

Which one of those stereotypes is good and which is bad?


I vote for neither or both. Although I don't call women "babes" except facetiously, I like Tim's list and his list for Jessie as well. And many, many more. Tim's a dick, though.
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:51 AM on August 6, 2013

Catching up after a couple days - yeah, who doesn't like avocado? I can't cook asparagus properly either. The "American" thing is weird, but then again Tim does look like Timmy from Lassie/Dennis The Menace/Dobie Gillis 


In therapy, we’ve discussed how Tim likes to be in control, and how I can be more passive. I spend all day making choices and decisions at the office, so the little decisions — where to go on a date, what bar to go to — seem trivial. I give input and ideas, but I don’t have the energy to debate him on what to do. I often just go with the flow.

Ugh, I feel you Jessie. I'm trying to be less passive outside of work. But I'd hate going to Disney World too, so so much.

Also, I hate when people call me 'the Queen of.." anything. Why do people say that? Dumb.
posted by sweetkid at 10:14 AM on August 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

UGH, today Tim is talking about "girls you date" vs "girls you marry".
posted by gaspode at 8:52 AM on August 7, 2013

OMG DIAF WTF BBQ Tim.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:27 PM on August 7, 2013

These people have been "dating" for 29 days, and if they're having any fun at all, they aren't sharing. What a horrendous waste of one's time. Why not do something fun, like 40 Days of Doritos.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:49 PM on August 7, 2013 [6 favorites]

UGH, today Tim is talking about "girls you date" vs "girls you marry".

The worst bit is that's not even the most disgusting thing about that. The worst bit is his "I don't want to date women I could see myself actually marrying or being with on a deeper level" shtick. OMG, Jessie, having the nerve to want a guy who she has infinite possibilities with!

Also, really? Owns an iPhone? That's on your girls you marry list?

Also, the incredibly offensive article that Tim seems to love is here.
posted by corb at 7:29 PM on August 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Day 30: She thinks I’m going to call it off after the 40 days are over. I don’t necessarily agree with that. I do feel resistant to promising anything too definitive, though. Yes, G-d forbid you make any sort of "commitment" about something that will happen 10 FUCKING DAYS FROM NOW.

Is that so bad? Is that me just being a coward? YES. YES.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:43 AM on August 8, 2013 [3 favorites]

Oh god, and how his whole "I just want to be ME" is not viewed as unhealthy but how Jessies "oh no work" is? She doesn't have room for a boyfriend? I'm not sure where a girlfriend is going to fit in with Tim's massive Peter Pan complex he's got going.
posted by corb at 6:18 AM on August 8, 2013 [3 favorites]

There was an article about the project in today's MetroNY paper (a free daily distributed around the subways). I thought I would scan it but then I read it and it's nothing new (she jumps in too quick! he's a commitmentphobe!)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:31 AM on August 8, 2013 [1 favorite]

Jocelyn asked Tim what he thought would happen once the experiment was over, and if he would like to continue to date me. Tim said he hadn’t thought about it yet. How can this have not yet crossed his mind? Men.

Ah gender essentialism I hate you I hate you sure Tim doesn't think about dating beyond the project because "MEN" silly women doing the thinking for everyone.
posted by sweetkid at 10:15 AM on August 8, 2013 [2 favorites]

She reminded us that a relationship that can’t stand up to conflict is not worth staying in at all.

seriously though this relationship has been nothing but drama, my first hundred days with my boyfriend weren't this fraught and we both have mental health issues and were trying to help a mutual friend out of an abusive situation at the time we started dating.
posted by kagredon at 1:32 PM on August 8, 2013 [3 favorites]

Day 31, Tim: After the Gala, we met up with some friends for a drink at a spot in NoHo. As we were leaving, Jessie and I stole some oatmeal from this place. It was hilarious!

ROTFL! Stealing is hilarious! LOL! You are an awesome guy! LULZ 4EVAH!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:14 AM on August 9, 2013 [4 favorites]

ROTFL! Stealing is hilarious! LOL! You are an awesome guy! LULZ 4EVAH!

As I slap my palm to my face, I just want to acknowledge how great it is to have other people reading this alongside, so I don't feel like I'm the only one who thinks this guy is a jerk. Also, his view: "So hilarious" juxtaposed with Jessie's view "I felt guilty" is kind of illuminating.

"Figuring out what happens nine days from now is so much PRESSURE!"
posted by corb at 11:09 AM on August 9, 2013

We laughed about it, but I did feel pretty guilty about it. I insisted on going back and returning it. Tim reassured me that we’d go back for brunch together and leave an extra large tip instead.

Lies.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:30 PM on August 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

FPPs only stay open for 30 days, right? Now that they're only posting Mon-Fri, I think this thread will close before the project is done :( :( :(
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:36 PM on August 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

WE MUST PETITION THE MODS FOR A STAY OF THREAD EXCECUTION
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:32 PM on August 9, 2013 [5 favorites]

Weirdly enough, Tim is a friend-of-a-friend, and I haven't asked her about him yet (I bet they dated. Just intuition.) I haven't mentioned anything about reading the blog to her yet, because I'm trying to work out how I would explain reading along with mefites to her. Seems sort of odd. But I need more info on him! I'm gonna have to do it, you guys.
posted by gaspode at 5:37 PM on August 9, 2013

Maybe she is one of the exes who wouldn't respond to Tim's request for a handwritten note.

So, I took a few days off. I'm now caught up. Tim is still a man child. His blue pant obsession has not diminished.
posted by Area Man at 8:10 PM on August 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

guys I think maybe they are falling in love?
posted by likeatoaster at 9:03 PM on August 9, 2013

DO IT GASPODE, DO IT DO IT
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:10 AM on August 10, 2013 [1 favorite]

Well but can't we find some other superficial item about them to
Post on like we do in Mad Men? No?

Also Tim is a friend of an acquaintance according to facebook but not someone I know enough to ask about him.

I don't totally hate him though. I find him like 70% annoying while I find Jessie more like 35% annoying.

The whole thing seems to enforce gender norms/gender essentialism in a strikingly conservative manner
posted by sweetkid at 9:36 AM on August 10, 2013

The whole thing seems to enforce gender norms/gender essentialism in a strikingly conservative manner

I think there's a thing with a lot of younger people who are liberal in the sense the they're down with gays and weed and taxes, but then they think that means they are therefore Automatically Enlightened and therefore everything they do, say and think cannot possibly be anything but modern and progressive. So of course they can make racist jokes or be all 'women are crazy lol'- can't you see they're Not Like Those Gross Conservatives?
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:47 AM on August 10, 2013 [6 favorites]

It doesn't help that they both come off as astonishingly bland.
posted by The Whelk at 9:47 AM on August 10, 2013 [2 favorites]

Totally, showbiz_liz. I have very progressive friends, like justice for Trayvon, support planned parenthood, organize fast food workers progressive, who say they can't plan activities because their wife is the "social chair" for their marriage or don't understand why I don't like it when people say " I loved India, the whole country is so SPIRITUAL and everyone's so at peace namaste y'all"
posted by sweetkid at 9:53 AM on August 10, 2013 [4 favorites]

It doesn't help that they both come off as astonishingly bland.

A month ago, most of us had never heard of these people, and now I've gone to their websites, read articles they've managed to have printed about them, visited their twitter feeds. Three days ago, I stood outside the Apple store windows, wondering whether the handwriting-styled promo art was something Tim did, as it's so similar to what I'd seen in his portfolio.

I don't think this exercise is about love, or gender norms, or perspectives at all. It's just simple self-promotion.
posted by mochapickle at 9:53 AM on August 10, 2013 [1 favorite]

Well, not so simple. It's complicated self-promotion.
posted by mochapickle at 9:56 AM on August 10, 2013

I think it can be about all those things. The love/relationships bit is the hook, the self promotion is the end goal, and the gender norms are the way these people filter life experience and also the way they (correctly) think most people do.
posted by sweetkid at 9:57 AM on August 10, 2013

I just think this whole thing is smarter than what I initially gave them credit for.
posted by mochapickle at 10:05 AM on August 10, 2013

We can move the discussion elsewhere for the last few days, too. I will open a Metachat thread when the day comes.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:30 AM on August 10, 2013 [4 favorites]

Ugh I might need a sockpuppet
For meta chat. People were so mean to me when I was on there a few years ago.
posted by sweetkid at 10:39 AM on August 10, 2013

I am a middle-aged, married Midwesterner with three kids. I work in an office building and sometimes wear a suit to work. My wife is a stay-at-home mom.

I assumed at the outset that a couple of New York artist types would have more progressive views on gender roles than I do.
posted by Area Man at 2:17 PM on August 10, 2013 [4 favorites]

My parents are immigrants from India and have more progressive views of gender roles than these two artist types or almost anyone I know in my circle of friends, who are much like these people (early -mid 30s, tech/design, NYC)
posted by sweetkid at 3:32 PM on August 10, 2013

The whole thing seems to enforce gender norms/gender essentialism in a strikingly conservative manner

Well, but I think that's actually one of the few really interesting things to come out of it. Because it really illustrates the "I believe everyone should be able to do what they want - but I want something else" kind of thing that does actually happen. And it's easy to tolerate tearing down the structures, but it's hard to give up what you want.

I tend to consider myself fairly independent. But what I've discovered is on a gut level, I want a "husband" /and/ a "wife." I can earn a living by myself, but it's exhausting. I love being with someone who also brings in money and takes a little of the weight off of me. But honestly, if my romantic partner could earn enough money for me to fuck around on a small job that made me happy, I'd love it. I also hate fixing things around the house.

At the same time, I totally want someone else to clean the house and cook and take care of the social engagements and do the laundry and take care of the boring parts of parenting.

I'm not saying those are the roles we fall into in our household, because they're not. But it's what the selfish id of me wants.

And I think it's really easy to fall into gender norms, because it at least offers you half of what you want.

I'd really love to unpack, actually, if gender norms strengthened or weakened with the end of near-universal domestic help. There was a book referenced in another thread about how women's work actually got harder with the invention of technology to assist in the home, because they no longer had servants to handle the chores.
posted by corb at 5:56 PM on August 10, 2013

Tim, please bust out some Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus! Next week should be stressful for me at work. I could really use this.
posted by Area Man at 8:49 PM on August 10, 2013 [1 favorite]

Stefan’s fiancée was antagonizing me a lot. At one point she came up to me and said “you’re hot, but you’re a coward.”

The design-scene nerd in me continues to be pleased by all these fun little tidbits of information.

Also 20% of me thinks the 40 days are going to end in an announcement that now Tim and Jessie are engaged and this whole thing has been a viral wedding announcement.
posted by Rory Marinich at 3:13 AM on August 11, 2013

40 Years of Marriage! Jessie and Tim get married, move in together, have sex and children and blog about it daily.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:00 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

NO
posted by sweetkid at 2:40 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

40 Years of Marriage! Jessie and Tim get married, move in together, have sex and children and blog about it daily.

Tim could let us know that little boys like trucks and little girls like dolls.
posted by Area Man at 6:42 AM on August 12, 2013 [3 favorites]

More passive-aggressiveness. And vomit-worthy "advice" from Kenton. I'm not a big "love to hate" person, but that really must the only reason I keep coming back ...
posted by mrgrimm at 8:32 AM on August 12, 2013

I wonder how Tim feels about the project now that everyone on the internet hates him. Feeling a little "pressure" there, buddy?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:36 AM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

Catching up last week:

I was such a klepto as a teenager.

Whatta scamp!

I wonder if my impression of Tim and Jessie is partly based on the fact that Jessie's story is presented "first" (on the left) and Tim's is on the right. Maybe if they were switched I'd be more inclined to see Tim's story as closer to reality and Jessie as high-maintenance or something, rather than seeing Tim as brutally self-centered.
posted by muddgirl at 8:45 AM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

Do you read her first, and then him? I find I switch back-and-forth between questions.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:51 AM on August 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

If I had to hire one of these people to help me present my product, service, or corporate brand graphically, it would not be a difficult decision. I have no idea what Jessie is actually like, but she does a much better job of making herself seem likeable.
posted by Area Man at 8:53 AM on August 12, 2013 [3 favorites]

Do you read her first, and then him? I find I switch back-and-forth between questions.

Yeah, I read Jessie all the way down and then Tim all the way down. But even reading Jessie first on each question may be biasing? I don't know. Kind of want to do an A/B test here.
posted by muddgirl at 9:30 AM on August 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

I notice that Jessie writes much more about herself than Tim writes about himself. And sometimes it is sort of off-putting to have Tim be writing about stuff like, "I thought she'd like this, I did this for her, I'm wondering what she thinks, I'm trying to figure out this," and Jessie's like "I have learned that yoga and diet are important for somebody. I Googled this and read a magazine article! It's amazing how deep people are."
posted by Rory Marinich at 11:13 AM on August 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

OMG what is with EVERYONE moving to Berlin.

Srsly everyone is moving to Berlin.
posted by sweetkid at 12:03 PM on August 12, 2013

I know, it's like we're on a tape delay of 03.
posted by The Whelk at 12:23 PM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, I love how his idea of being coy about not wanting to go with her to a party involves implying that he won't be going or having much fun or staying long. Basically, lying.

This is a fascinating look. I admire him for being able to admit all of this publicly, but boy howdy does it not make him look good.
posted by corb at 1:04 PM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

So, wait, aren't they planning a Disney vacation? I'd assumed it was to happen within the 40 days, but there's been no mention of it since.
posted by mochapickle at 1:44 PM on August 12, 2013

The Whelk, I'm sure we could go to Berlin and like run into 8 people we know.

What is going on, did they open a Little Branch branch or a Momofuku or are studio spaces like exchangeable for Kinder eggs or something
posted by sweetkid at 2:20 PM on August 12, 2013

I think it's the existence of a sprawling L.A like city but with the density and transport options of London.
posted by The Whelk at 2:52 PM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think they mentioned the getaway will happen at the end of the 40 days, so I guess we'll read about it at the end of next week.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:02 PM on August 12, 2013

Hey, day 33 is up! Did they post two days today? I'm confused.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:03 PM on August 12, 2013

OMG, she thinks she's Amelie. These two deserve each other.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:04 PM on August 12, 2013

Two passive agressive beige envelopes.
posted by The Whelk at 3:08 PM on August 12, 2013

I don't see day 33
posted by sweetkid at 4:23 PM on August 12, 2013

I guess it was a mistake, I suppose it'll be up tomorrow. Spoiler alert: Jessie thinks she's Amelie. There are pictures. Brace yourself.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:53 PM on August 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

A plague on both their houses!
posted by Area Man at 5:12 PM on August 12, 2013

So I couldn't manage to meet my friend for coffee, so I sent her a message (which I know she read yesterday!) asking about Tim, but no reply as of yet. boo!
posted by gaspode at 5:30 PM on August 12, 2013

Day 33 is up. TPS warned us but I had no idea how to brace myself.

Did I learn anything about Jessie and Tim?

1. Posing as Amelie is both self-aware and derivative. That's precisely counter to the point of the character of Amelie, that she lives so far within her head that her thoughts are wholly non-derivative.
2. Oh, hey, I don't like Jessie now!
3. That said, Tim is no Mathieu Kassovitz.
4. This whole hand-holding thing should have happened on like day 4. Or never at all.
posted by mochapickle at 8:23 AM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

The Amelie thing: ick.
posted by gaspode at 8:23 AM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

The thing about the handholding is that they filmed it. They filmed it! That reads as craft, not whimsy. That could be an artifact of their being designers & their having designer friends that they can rope into this stuff. But it makes the experience feel staged - done to create a particular end that I don't really feel is apparent in the text. (Similar to other peoples' observations about how this whole thing feels like a PR gambit, not an attempt to document two people trying to create a feasible relationship.)
posted by Going To Maine at 9:31 AM on August 13, 2013

The revolution will be televised, but the meh-volution will be blogged.
posted by mochapickle at 9:54 AM on August 13, 2013

Oh god the Amelie thing. And the handholding.

Also god Jessie everyone thinks they're super quirky.
posted by sweetkid at 12:23 PM on August 13, 2013

The other thing about the handholding exercise is that it feels very similar to the overarching data project. "Let's do X for a fixed period of time that seems pretty long."

The fact that it feels kind of banal is a bit of an artifact that it's a thing-within-a-thing. There are plenty of projects built around doing the same thing over & over again that are just fine. Yet within the context of the larger dating experiment, and the deliberate identification of oneself as being like Amelie, it feels repetitive. "Okay, this is the sort of quirky thing I do. I don't go mushroom hunting, I don't read there volume novels: I do a given task as an endurance test for a long period of time."
posted by Going To Maine at 6:03 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Day 34: DON'T ARGUE WHILE YOU'RE HANGRY, TIM!!!!

Also, clearly Tim things "dating" means "sleeping together," which is sort of revealing.
posted by muddgirl at 7:52 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

Tim sounds totally exhausting to be around. You'd think for a guy who worries so much about what other people think, he wouldn't act like such a child all the time.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:13 AM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]

Jessie is a "tricky girl", the kind of woman whose mind Tim can never know, but then again one person's tricky girl isn't apparently, everyone's tricky girl, so perhaps this category is less a category and more a situational label for any woman whom he is having a hard time understanding at the moment.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:19 AM on August 14, 2013 [3 favorites]

On the one hand Jessie was being a gossip, even going so far as thinking she was just doing it out of concern for Tim, "I just thought you should know" is a classic givaway. On the other hand, labeling women "tricky girls" or "crazy bitches" or whatever is a pretty juvenile, albeit sadly common, diversionary tactic to prevent reflection or deeper dialogue.
posted by muddgirl at 8:26 AM on August 14, 2013

Heh. Tim sounds a leeeeeeetle bit defensive today. Just a little.
posted by gaspode at 7:41 AM on August 15, 2013

If this thread is closed before they start writing about their Disney trip, I will be crushed.
posted by gladly at 7:50 AM on August 15, 2013

no we're going to metachat or disney or somewhere to talk about it more and we'll be warned right?
posted by sweetkid at 7:58 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

I can't stop laughing about the 12AM rock-humping stick man! At 1AM the little stick man is thinking, Well, I am done humping the rock. Now what?
posted by mochapickle at 8:02 AM on August 15, 2013

I just wanted to say good luck, we're all hating along with you.
posted by Think_Long at 8:33 AM on August 15, 2013

Tim thinks he's Pete Rose.
posted by klangklangston at 9:45 AM on August 15, 2013

I'm not a big fan of Tim, but a lifetime ban seems a little harsh.
posted by Area Man at 10:37 AM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

The Metachat thread is now open!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:17 PM on August 15, 2013

(If you don't yet have a Metachat account, might want to create now- there's a manual approval for new accounts, though it doesn't take too long).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:10 PM on August 15, 2013

ugh it is only this topic that brings me back to Metachat. Team Neither Jessie or Tim at this Point but Still More Jessie!
posted by sweetkid at 2:13 PM on August 15, 2013

Well, I am done humping the rock. Now what?

Apparently, you stretch.
posted by mrgrimm at 5:07 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

(actually, I'm the person who approves new accounts on Metachat, and I'm going on vacation for a few days Friday morning. I'll try to approve any new accounts as I get notified, but I may not get the official welcome emails out. So just check in an hour or so after signing up to see if you have an active account.)
posted by gaspode at 8:30 PM on August 15, 2013

Oh yeah, and I heard from my friend. She's just work collegial with Tim, says he's very nice to deal with but had heard gossip that he was hard work to date.
posted by gaspode at 8:32 PM on August 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Uh-oh: After a whirlwind tour of Hollywood's top talent agencies, "40 Days of Dating" creators Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman have signed with CAA for representation in all areas.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:21 AM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Can lovers be friends first? Check out the website to find out -- and expect a 40 Days of Dating-related deal to be announced in the coming weeks.

It's okay, publicist! I will tell you: the answer is yes. Maybe not for these people! But there are seven billion of us, so I'm pretty sure someone has managed to make that work.
posted by Going To Maine at 6:30 AM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]

"This is just trolling for a movie deal right?"

Third comment in this thread.
posted by sweetkid at 6:46 AM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]

I hate being proven right.

Wait, no I don't.
posted by modernnomad at 7:18 AM on August 16, 2013

I felt like we were “together,” especially when we were explaining our Disney trip to a couple friends. I’ve always liked the word “together.” I have no idea about its origin, and I obviously love the chase, but I like to think it comes from merging these three wonderful words: to-get-her.

If I were Tim's therapist I would tell him to give up on the idea of settling down into a mongamous relationship. It seems to me like he should just embrace the fact that he likes getting women but not letting them get him.
posted by muddgirl at 7:43 AM on August 16, 2013 [3 favorites]

I felt like we were “together,” especially when we were explaining our Disney trip to a couple friends. I’ve always liked the word “together.” I have no idea about its origin, and I obviously love the chase, but I like to think it comes from merging these three wonderful words: to-get-her.

Oh my GOD I want to STAB him in the FACE
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:57 AM on August 16, 2013 [4 favorites]

that is horrible. horrible.
posted by sweetkid at 9:54 AM on August 16, 2013

I am hoping this is all 100% staged at this point, because I am feeling like showbiz_liz here.
posted by corb at 11:21 PM on August 16, 2013

I totally had that insight about to-get-her when I was like 11 years old. I considered writing a song about it for my very first ever crush, but for some miraculous reason decided not to.

There but for the grace of God...?
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:06 AM on August 17, 2013

See you all in the Metachat thread!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:25 AM on August 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

... I'm so confused.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:01 AM on August 18, 2013

I show that this thread is live for another 4 hours or so (posted "July 18, 2013 12:14 PM" - I'm in Central time).
posted by muddgirl at 6:10 AM on August 18, 2013

PARTY!!!!!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:05 AM on August 18, 2013