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To Secure, Contain and Protect
July 22, 2013 9:35 AM   Subscribe

The SCP Wiki catalogues dangerous or anomalous objects, people and concepts.

Subjects and objects are classified as Safe, representing no danger if handled appropriately, Euclid, unpredictable, but presenting no existential threat, and Keter, representing an imminent threat to human civilisation or spacetime in general.

About the SCP Foundation

Random SCP

(Previously)
posted by frimble (145 comments total) 126 users marked this as a favorite

 
I once gave this site to my boyfriend to keep him occupied for half an hour.

That was a year ago. I don't think he's done anything else on the internet since.
posted by dinty_moore at 9:39 AM on July 22, 2013 [15 favorites]


I realized a long, long time ago that anything I write would be basically SCP fan fiction.

And I'm okay with that.
posted by The Whelk at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


I found this site while I was at work and was hiding under my desk by the end of the day. There's a LOT of nightmare fuel in there.
posted by 1adam12 at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've known about this for ages but have never really spent any time on it. I'm thinking that, as my reading material for today, this will go nicely with my Welcome to Night Vale podcast binge.
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:43 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am genuinely shocked this has never been posted here before. The stairs (087?) one is seriously creepy.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 9:45 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Yeah, I'm amazed this hasn't been posted before, too. I always assumed it had, so I never posted it myself. Fun stuff.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:48 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Has Welcome to Night Vale gotten linked on Metafilter yet? I only cottoned on this weekend that it was also a podcast, and not just an awesomely creepy twitter account that called itself a podcast for some undiscernible reason..
posted by dinty_moore at 9:49 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh wait I did actually write an SCP entree I just never bothered to sign up.
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 AM on July 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


It has dinty. I lead to me attending the 1 year anniversary show!
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also previously.
posted by ceribus peribus at 9:55 AM on July 22, 2013


SCP 895 (Euclid) is one of my favorites.
posted by ceribus peribus at 9:57 AM on July 22, 2013


I really wish I could force my RPG players to use this as a resource for our game.
posted by rebent at 9:58 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Years ago there was a post to a site very much like this, called "The Warehouse" or something very similar. I want to say it was Warehouse 13, but I might be conflating it with the show and that yields terrible search results. Anyway, I think the site was a spinoff of a Cthulhu-like source site, with ideas for random and terrible items to stick in your games. Anyone remember what I'm talking about here? My search fu is failing me.
posted by starvingartist at 9:59 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The sadly deceased Warehouse 23 basement
posted by frimble at 10:02 AM on July 22, 2013 [12 favorites]


Damn. That site was fun.
posted by starvingartist at 10:04 AM on July 22, 2013


The one thing that drove me bonkers about the site was how I spent three weeks reading all of the entries and then I realized, in that time, like a hundred new entries were made. IT NEVER ENDS.

crying
posted by Conspire at 10:06 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yes, this is definitely RPG fodder. My first instinct is either Delta Green or Stalking the Night Fantastic.
posted by jiawen at 10:07 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Welcome to Night Vale has indeed been linked on Metafilter. I like to imagine the SCP Foundation and Night Vale exist in the same universe. Perhaps Carlos the Scientist is an SCP scientist? Or maybe all of Night Vale is under SCP surveillance? Someone needs to write that crossover fic.
posted by yasaman at 10:07 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


GODDAMN IT I HAD THINGS TO DO TODAY.
posted by a hat out of hell at 10:09 AM on July 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


I'm trying to remember a site similar to SCP that gave appropriately creepy descriptions of 2nd person stories, that would end with a single sentence paragraph that stated "You are now in posession of the Xth", where X is a positive integer. Does anyone remember running across this site, or did I dream it up after reading too many creepypasta threads on 4chan?
posted by endotoxin at 10:12 AM on July 22, 2013


Someone needs to write that crossover fic.


BEAUTIFUL CARLOS
posted by The Whelk at 10:12 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


One of the neat things about the SCP Foundation is how it's evolved away from pure creepypasta urban horror. Sure, the majority is still going for the scare, but as long as it's an inexplicable phenomenon, articles can go an entirely different direction.

Say hi to the Telepathic Spider.
posted by ormondsacker at 10:13 AM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


...and then I realized, in that time, like a hundred new entries were made. IT NEVER ENDS.

The site itself is an eternally-birthing object classified as "Safe".
posted by Thorzdad at 10:13 AM on July 22, 2013


RONALD REGAN CUT UP WHILE TALKING
posted by Rock Steady at 10:13 AM on July 22, 2013 [13 favorites]


Actually the best thing ever was THE RISE OF SPIDER COMMUNISM.
posted by The Whelk at 10:14 AM on July 22, 2013


I get a kick out of SCP-1845-1, the American red fox who happens to be a 16th century Catholic monarch.

To date, SCP-1845-1 has made requests during communications for the following items:

-One Bible, Douay-Rheims, Jerusalem, or Latin Vulgate. Granted.
-A photograph of the current Pope. Granted.
-Permission to attend the next Papal conclave as a voting member. Denied.
...
-Holy water, Communion wafers and wine, and priestly vestments tailored to fit a deer. Denied.

posted by Iridic at 10:14 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


Endotoxin - It's The Holders.
Which I only know about through TVTropes. Ahem.
posted by ormondsacker at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2013


> Keter, representing an imminent threat to human civilisation or spacetime in general.

Someone is smuggling some of this out regularly through a wormhole to manufacture happy fun ball.
posted by jfuller at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I knew there had to be a Warehouse 23 thread on the SJG forums somewhere. And there's a Facebook page. Seems like a perfect Twitter concept, but it looks like no one's done it yet.
posted by jiawen at 10:19 AM on July 22, 2013


The site itself is an eternally-birthing object classified as "Safe".

It was probably made as part of the containment procedure for a sentient Keter-level object, to be honest.

"I'll get to destroying the universe after this article. Oooh! Wait one more minute this one looks interesting too!"
posted by Conspire at 10:20 AM on July 22, 2013 [15 favorites]


A jeweled crown. Denied.
A large boulder for the purpose of chiselling into a throne. Denied.
A life-size Nativity scene. Denied.
A manger and costumes with which to create a Living Nativity scene. Granted.
A Christmas tree. Granted.


Sigh, Christmas Trees where a 19th Century German thing, although I guess you could find a catholic 16th century Germanic regent.

I mean, ignoring the fact that he's also a fox.
posted by The Whelk at 10:23 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Isn't there an SCP entry that really gets into a deep rabbit hole involving travel to an alternate reality/dimension with, if I recall correctly, giant babies crawling around a post-apocalyptic landscape? Ring any bells for anyone?
posted by Rock Steady at 10:23 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


So far my favorite is 914 -- the machine for making objects "Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, or Very Fine"
posted by Greg Nog at 10:26 AM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


oh god that ones goes from funny to creepy to amazing in 90 seconds flat.

Cause it gets at what I think is the core of my SCP is so attractive, it's take is so academic and dry and actual-science-y. It puts the focus ON the grunt experimental work that most stories that have supernatural objects gloss over.
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wait, this has never been posted here before? Really? Awesome!
posted by odinsdream at 10:31 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Rock Steady, you are looking for 093.
posted by Hactar at 10:33 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


oh god that ones goes form funny to creepy to amazing in 90 seconds flat.

There are so many horrifying X-files-type turns that one takes, but I love how the whimsical nature of that one feels like the direct result of people just kinda poking around in a really unforced-narrative way.

Like, I can picture the IRS tax form experiment from this experiment log just coming from some employee idly wondering, "Could this machine do my taxes for me?" And then they run the experiment a few times, and finally shrug, and say, "guess not," and then submit a report.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:37 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


odinsdream: "Wait, this has never been posted here before? Really? Awesome!"

It's funny, every day a new post about the SCP Foundation is made, but inevitiably one of the mods (probably ██████████) winds up deleting it. The deletion is never recorded in the deleted post blog or available with the deleted post script. Trying to view one of the old posts results in a strange [EXPUNGED] that mathowie eventually has to clean up personally.
posted by boo_radley at 10:37 AM on July 22, 2013 [38 favorites]


Hactar: Rock Steady, you are looking for 093.

Hells yes I am.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:39 AM on July 22, 2013


1322 doesn't look like much until you start reading the containment and observation log. I won't spoil it.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:41 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Damn you, frimble, I have work to do.

And gears to feed....
posted by doctornemo at 10:45 AM on July 22, 2013


Hello, I am SCP-426. I must be introduced this way in order to prevent ambiguity. I am an ordinary toaster, able to toast bread when supplied with electricity. However, when any human being mentions me, they inadvertently refer to me in the first person.
posted by Iridic at 10:46 AM on July 22, 2013 [12 favorites]


1322 is one of several that make me wish I could meet the writer(s) to give thanks and praise in person because it's that damn good. (By the way, I highly recommend reading the discussion pages for entries you particularly like. I'm fascinated by the workshopping some of the more successful entries go through -- there are a lot of people over there who are quite dedicated to their craft.)

Surprisingly, one of my least favorite is one of the most popular: 682. It started out on fairly good footing, but now it's one of the most boring creatures there, and I bet it causes the mods all kinds of trouble as newbies try to create artifacts and entities that "can so totally beat 682, man!"
posted by lord_wolf at 10:51 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


er I meant why not my in my last comment
posted by The Whelk at 10:55 AM on July 22, 2013


lord_wolf: Surprisingly, one of my least favorite is one of the most popular: 682. It started out on fairly good footing, but now it's one of the most boring creatures there, and I bet it causes the mods all kinds of trouble as newbies try to create artifacts and entities that "can so totally beat 682, man!"

I feel like there is probably a lot of "rules lawyering" that goes on behind the scenes, as people try to pit their own favorite "irresistible force" SCP against one "immovable object" SCP or another.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:00 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I lost a good bit of time reading this. One of the great ones is the lore associated with SCP-076 / Pandora's Box.

I also enjoyed the exploratory misson report for SCP-354.

Anyone happen to stumble upon the SCP that is basically a cursed person doomed to live forever but destroy all things around him? Something, something, deck of cards with him? That was a good one too...
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:02 AM on July 22, 2013


Now I want to run an Unknown Armies campaign. This would be a great resource. It would also work for The Essoterrorists, but in a more depressing way.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:04 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Note from Area Head Dr. ██████: That's thrice now that we've had to fall back on Pandora's Box to deal with stuff coming out of SCP-354. Able can't complain, though… you can tell he enjoyed fighting SCP-354-11. Maybe we should set up some kind of "hotline" to MTF Ω-7?
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:04 AM on July 22, 2013


Anyone happen to stumble upon the SCP that is basically a cursed person doomed to live forever but destroy all things around him? Something, something, deck of cards with him? That was a good one too...

Should you choose to challenge Death to a game of cards for your life, there is one thing you must never do.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 11:08 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


I would totally be one of the people using SCP-914 to produce delicious foods. Basically, I would constantly be putting my lunch into it on the Fine or Very Fine setting and would spend my workdays dining like a queen!
posted by yasaman at 11:11 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Every time people start talking about SCPs, it's always "remember the one that's a table and two chairs and ever so often two guys teleport into the chairs and start having a random conversation." Or "it's the one that's the creepy opera that makes people who act it out and watch it kill everyone." Or "Yeah, I remember that one. It's kind of like that creepy night club building that has 3 or 4 different settings, each causing more casualties than the previous ones". I can never remember what exact numbers they are, but have vague recollections of the cannibalistic Chinese restaurant or the weird "world of flesh" one.

The numbering system is part of it's appeal. It causes people to start looking them up and stumbling on other ones in the process.
posted by FJT at 11:13 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think one of the stories revealed that there's basically no know "head" of the SCP Foundation. I forget the details that I stumbled upon, maybe in connection with some haunted toy factory?. but it was neat to see that there's an underlying sense of despair and "Fuck it, we'll just study for it's own sake since we don't know wtf we're doing here."

To me, it's the modern day equivalent of Lovecraft or something and, all in all, presented pretty well.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:17 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I would totally be one of the people using SCP-914 to produce delicious foods.

See Also:
* As suggested, SCP-294 was moved to the 2nd floor personnel break room as a money-saving venture.

* SCP-038 Addendum #1: Dr. Klein has requested that personnel discontinue the cloning of items from the vending machines. (See Document #338-1)
[Document #338-1: "I would like to remind all personnel that SCP-038 is not, I repeat, not a toy."]
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:24 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


One thing I've never understood is why the Foundation just doesn't go and neutralize the items that are dangerous as hell? I understand things like 682 can't be zapped, but there are other things that are "keep this in a box, don't open it, it will kill everyone on the planet". It was mentioned in passing to me once that the "protect" part of SCP applies to the objects themselves, not the rest of the world (which seems counter to what they try to do in limiting the damage caused).
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:30 AM on July 22, 2013


SCP-095 is my favorite so far. I had a friend in high school who constantly referred to Ronnie RAAAAAYYYYYYY-GUN
posted by ish__ at 11:32 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The experimental log for 261 is fantastic.

[xxx]-J entries can be awesome, too; they're 'joke' SCPs.

I used to hang out in the SCP IRC; fun fact, the guy who writes these hangs out there.
posted by mikurski at 11:34 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Isn't there an SCP entry that really gets into a deep rabbit hole involving travel to an alternate reality/dimension with, if I recall correctly, giant babies crawling around a post-apocalyptic landscape? Ring any bells for anyone?

Yep. Multiverse travel to an alternate earth where aliens had gifted humanity with some sort of bioagent and then left or died out. Great read. Don't have a clue which entry it is.
posted by audi alteram partem at 11:37 AM on July 22, 2013


One thing I've never understood is why the Foundation just doesn't go and neutralize the items that are dangerous as hell? I understand things like 682 can't be zapped, but there are other things that are "keep this in a box, don't open it, it will kill everyone on the planet".

That's part of what the different object classes are for. No matter the object's capabilities, "keep this in a box, don't open it" is more or less the definition of Safe class, and is very easy to do. If they can keep an object inert just by locking it up in a box, why go to the trouble and risk of destroying it?

Whereas, generally speaking, Keter objects - the massively dangerous things which take seemingly heroic efforts merely to contain - are to be neutralized if at all possible, but they haven't found a way to do so. There are always exceptions, of course.

SCP-1609 and SCP-1902 are good examples of why they don't go around destroying things.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 11:50 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


guys, The Cabin In The Woods basically told us that Signorney Weaver is the head of SCP
posted by The Whelk at 11:54 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


I have to wonder if the SCP Foundation was, in however small a way, part of the inspiration for the Facility in Cabin in the Woods.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 11:54 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


lulz
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 11:54 AM on July 22, 2013


Then of the course there's the Log of Anomalous Items not requiring any Special Containment Procedures, like an unnaturally efficient pair of garden shears, or the pencil which "only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods."

(Amusingly, Cúchulainn's Spear of Mortal Pain, which when thrown "pierces the heart of the nearest humanoid," is relegated to a short item on the Log. After testing confirmed that the nearest humanoid was invariably the person throwing the spear, it was incinerated.)
posted by Iridic at 12:08 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I also quite like the setup/payoff for SPC-1171, as the decription forebodingly mentions that the entity known as SPC-1171-1 is "actively hostile to humanity".
posted by Greg Nog at 12:42 PM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


I forget the details that I stumbled upon, maybe in connection with some haunted toy factory?

If you dig deep enough you find that the Foundation is ultimately the cause of all the strange stuff and the invention of all the sinister societies like The Factory or the Are We Cool Yet art movement.
posted by The Whelk at 12:46 PM on July 22, 2013


The MetaFilter Players are proud to present tonight's performance of The Hanged King's Tragedy.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:13 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


As someone who's been addicted to this site for over two years, there's SO MANY STORIES I WANT TO SHARE.

I'll keep it simple to my personal top 10 not otherwise mentioned in this thread and also plug the featured article list and r/scp (which contains, among other things the best bot I've ever met. You'll see....)

10) Debate room which can change reality
9) Apocalypse Airplane
8) Bunch of gears (linked tale)
7) A lake
6) MP3 Player that plays you the music you wish you could make (be sure to check the logs)
5) Procedure 110-Montauk
4) Meet Bobble the Clown!
3) Abandoned ship
2) The Hanged King's Tragedy
1) Cute teddy bear!

Also, once you've got a feel for the place, read Incident 239-B then Unfinished Business. Amazing clusterfuck of a story which is basically the equivally of bashing lots of SCPs together but really smartly. Same, if a bit more wanky, deal with Duke 'till Dawn.

Also LLAMA SCP! And LLAMA DELIVERY SCP!
posted by litleozy at 1:32 PM on July 22, 2013 [25 favorites]


Rod Serling would love this.
posted by No Robots at 1:39 PM on July 22, 2013


I also quite like the setup/payoff for SPC-1171, as the decription forebodingly mentions that the entity known as SPC-1171-1 is "actively hostile to humanity".

The location of the artefact is a nice grace note.
posted by acb at 1:47 PM on July 22, 2013


Coincidentally, I discovered SCP a few days ago and have been lost down the rabbit hole ever since. The Reagan one is my personal favorite so far...for some reason it got to me a lot more viscerally than most of the other ones. 231 is the most disturbing in its lack of specifics, though.
posted by altopower at 1:56 PM on July 22, 2013


I have repeatedly made the mistake of reading these late at night. Because I like being able to sleep, I've identified a few that act as nice "palate cleansers"--ones that are warm and fuzzy or funny enough that I can stop worrying about if that thing that's like a Weeping Angel but 1 million times creepier to look at is hiding in a corner of my bedroom and close my eyes. I offer these as a public service:

Workplace pets (3, 4)
This obnoxious jerk who keeps being trolled by the staff
Mildly useful goo (okay, it's implied that it does one horrifying thing, but it's played as a running joke.)
The resident workaholic (as long as you don't think too hard about [fridge horror in tooltip])
The Foundation has a really sweet cafeteria
Cassy

There's, uh, not many of these.
posted by kagredon at 2:08 PM on July 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


My absolute favorite is SCP-725 (Keter--the Altruistic Utopia), but SCP-176 (Euclid--the Observable Time-loop), SCP-880 (Euclid--Trapped Winter) and the ever-popular SCP-1981 (Ronald Reagan Cut Up While Talking) are also beloved in my house.

I love the fundamentally chaotic worldview of the series. It's very Lovecraftian, but in a way that understands where Lovecraft was coming from re: humanity's irrelevance to wider reality and the objective falsity of all our meaning. That's fertile ground not just for horror but imagination--embrace the existential crisis of it and the world is yours to create. In some ways, I always felt like the SCPF needed more of a prominent counter-organization; while their thing is to contain threatening aberrations from normality, conceal the dreamlike nature of the world and futilely try to hold up some semblance of order (ahem), there must be a more Invisibles-esque group all about reshaping the aesthetics of the collective dream into something more beautiful, more strange and more free.

Of course, from the SCPF POV, that's entropy. It's the dynamic between the two that would be interesting.
posted by byanyothername at 2:22 PM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


My favorite of the "palate-cleansers:" SCP-1867 (A Gentleman).
posted by byanyothername at 2:24 PM on July 22, 2013


there must be a more Invisibles-esque group all about reshaping the aesthetics of the collective dream into something more beautiful, more strange and more free.

It could possibly be argued that Are We Cool Yet? is trying to do something along those lines.

AWCY?'s motives are difficult to understand, though, which turns out to be problematic on a collaborative fiction site. AWCY? is possibly the mostly frequently bungled and misused group of interest on the site, and possibly as a result, they're widely hated by site authors.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 2:36 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I actually intimated by the sheer creativity available at the SCP, even more now my latest project has SCP elements and I feel lesser.
posted by The Whelk at 2:36 PM on July 22, 2013


From the Log of Anomalous Items:
Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.


That strikes me as poor tradecraft. I mean, if one wanted to hack SCP, why not leave intriguing random-seeming artefacts with recoverable patterns around and set one's cryptanalysts to examine their cypher traffic for any signs of the patterns you've seeded it with?
posted by acb at 3:31 PM on July 22, 2013


That's because the Foundation is not what it seems.
posted by The Whelk at 3:34 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Whelk: "Sigh, Christmas Trees where a 19th Century German thing, although I guess you could find a catholic 16th century Germanic regent. "
Christmas trees are known as far back as the 16th Century, although they only really took off in the 19th. Still, it would have been more in-character if Eugenio had requested a more French Christmas item.
posted by brokkr at 3:39 PM on July 22, 2013


I was looking at the OOC article on how to best use 'data expunged'/'redacted' and came across SCP-835. Oh god the teeth. *shiver* Be sure to read the supplementary documents, in which everything that's redacted in the main entry is horrifyingly filled in.

And after a morning spent doing little but browsing through the SCP wiki, I realized one thing about it: There are no zombies. There are plenty of horrifying, creepy things. But there are no zombies. Oh, sure, there's any number of memetic hazards that will turn you into their zombie minions. But nothing that really feels like that moaning, shuffling, done-to-death corpse. Hooray!
posted by egypturnash at 3:42 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Definitely not zombies.
posted by kagredon at 3:46 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh hey, if it's palate cleansers you're looking for, some of the -J series are raita to the normal site's vindaloo. After you've read a bunch of reality-affecting star cults and humanoids with animal heads that live in film & etc and need to go to bed ever again, why not try the most inexplicable, most sanity-destroying SCP of them all... the Ghoooost Siiiign?
posted by ormondsacker at 3:51 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


One of the best (Or maybe worst?) sites on the Internet. Every time I go there I spend at least an hour reading page after page, including this time.
posted by Kevin Street at 4:27 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


1960-J made me laugh when I got to the end.
posted by mikurski at 5:10 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


My introduction to the site was SCP-173. I later found out someone made an indie game/demo about it. Intrigued and seriously creeped out at the same time.
posted by adoarns at 5:46 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


...

Item #: SCP-99669

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: None required. The object is to be kept in place and moved/sold/transported as a normal object. Owners and any incidental persons who come into contact with the object on a regular, semi-regular, or incidental basis should be notified as to the object's unique property.

Description: SCP-99669 is a freestanding shelving device normally used above the water tank of residential commodes. The main benefits of said device being that it requires no additional hardware connections, and associated damage, to the wall behind the toilet in question. SCP-99669 exhibits the unusual trait that it can only be safely deployed above a toilet or commode tank. If SCP-99669 is placed in another location, no matter the care taken while handling and even if only temporarily, then it will lean away from the nearest vertical surface and, unless stopped by rapid human intervention, impact the floor destroying all frangible objects stored upon it and discharging the liquids in many of the other containers, see Notes FU-2 and PU-19 for further speculation concerning specific results and possible intent or intelligence. After the above mentioned series of events has completed SCP-99669 will be remain in place, undamaged until pressed into service again, at which time it will repeat the noted behavior of working properly in one location and mischievously in any other.

Note PU-19: It is believed that the more pungent or colorful the liquids in the non-crystalline containers, the more likely they are to be ejected. All frangible containers are consistently destroyed during dynamic events.

Note FU-2: No human level of intelligence is believed to be present but it can not be ruled out completely, specifically due to the fact that, as in Note PU-19, some have noted a moderately strong statistical correlation between the aforementioned color/odor strength variable and the exit pressure for the subset of liquids that are vented from said plastic containers. Viscosity or other factors such as container shape, mass, or nozzle design seem to be irrelevant or negligible. Normal rules of physics do seem to apply with regard to distance and spatter patterns observed.
posted by RolandOfEld at 6:14 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


CARBON-BASED MONKEYS GO HOME
posted by RakDaddy at 6:21 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, I wish I were more talented at video editing, because making a video based on SCP-1981 would be awesome. And, by "awesome," I mean "everyone please hold my hands while I try to go to sleep 'cause this is fucking terrifying."
posted by RakDaddy at 6:27 PM on July 22, 2013


Old'n'Busted: "One thing I've never understood is why the Foundation just doesn't go and neutralize the items that are dangerous as hell? I understand things like 682 can't be zapped, but there are other things that are "keep this in a box, don't open it, it will kill everyone on the planet". It was mentioned in passing to me once that the "protect" part of SCP applies to the objects themselves, not the rest of the world (which seems counter to what they try to do in limiting the damage caused)."

Because, you never know when you might need something you had previously to avert some sort of crisis (unless it involves SCP-682). Might as well ask why the Planetary Society existed.
posted by Samizdata at 6:29 PM on July 22, 2013


GONE GONE THE FORM OF VRAK
COME THIS TASTY MEFICRACK!
posted by vrakatar at 6:48 PM on July 22, 2013


Pesterbot is one of my favorites; SCP-1370. It's quite light-hearted.
Someone's already mentioned the Hanged King's Tragedy, another favorite.
Season Opener (SCP-1733) is just nasty and horrifying.
"Skip" (SCP-1802" is a nice amusing one as well.
An Incomplete Chronicle (SCP-140) is nice.
Knowledge (SCP-028)
Buried Giant (SCP-1193) is nicely odd.
Reluctant Dimension Hopper (SCP-507) is amusing and then starts turning scary.
Butler's Hand Bell (SCP-662) is a good one too.
Ooh! I finally found the one I wanted to post! Unearthly Forest (SCP-1660). I really love this one.
Well, you can pretty much start at the top of the Top Rated and work your way down. I skip the J's, myself. I don't like them too much, they always seem to try too hard.
posted by stoneegg21 at 7:30 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Because, you never know when you might need something you had previously to avert some sort of crisis (unless it involves SCP-682). Might as well ask why the Planetary Society existed."

My impression is the Foundation has gone a bit crazy, after all those years of uncovering unimaginable horrors. They're trying to understand how everything works, by figuring out the metaphysics, metachemistry and so on of the true universe behind the universe - but after all the years and all the containment breaches, the deaths, the SCPs keep piling up and there's a growing conviction at the top ranks that they'll never figure it out. There is no order to the cosmos! So they're just trying to survive now, frantically collecting crazy stuff so the public won't find out how much weirdness is out there, and hoping that one day they'll find the SCP that makes sense of it all.
posted by Kevin Street at 8:34 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The stairs have always been one of the ones that gets me. I love this site, and I'm shocked it hadn't been posted before. I'm almost certain it's been talked about.

Just scrolling through led me to He Who Made Dark. Y'know, for kids!
posted by Ghidorah at 8:39 PM on July 22, 2013


I love this site, and I'm shocked it hadn't been posted before.

I'm not trying to be a killjoy, but it was.

posted by ceribus peribus at 9:13 PM on July 22, 2013


One thing I love about that site is the hidden connections. For example, Ghidorah's link to SCP-435 and SCP-286. Read one and it's chilling, read 'em both and it's....
posted by Kevin Street at 9:18 PM on July 22, 2013


This is quite a deep rabbit hole to fall down.

The following procedures are required not for personnel safety, but to deny or hide knowledge of SCP-006's effects from the personnel who interact with it. 1: All personnel interacting with SCP-006 in any physical way are required to wear modified class VI BNC suits...
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 9:37 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can't seem to find it, but my favorite SCP is an SCP agent and a refrigerator who have had their semantic references swapped. The descriptions make it perfectly clear that one is a refrigerator, and the other is an SCP agent, but nobody is capable of recognizing this, and they're upset because the "SCP agent" won't do his work and the "refrigerator" kept moving around so they had to chain it in place in the breakroom.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:54 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


On the one hand, I love the basic concept, and many of the ideas are really intriguing. On the other hand, whenever I delve into the SCP for an extended period, I start getting depressed because the writing is all so mediocre. I see interesting ideas with flabby execution and it makes me sad.
posted by Scattercat at 9:56 PM on July 22, 2013


The one thing that drove me bonkers about the site was how I spent three weeks reading all of the entries and then I realized, in that time, like a hundred new entries were made. IT NEVER ENDS.

Confession: I am a wimp (I purposefully move my browser window around so that most of it is off the screen and scroll very slowly to avoid pictures on unfamiliar articles when I read the site.) For that reason, I'm pretty sure I'll never read most of these, because when I scroll through the grand list and see things like SCP-027 - The Vermin God and SCP-189 - Hair-Imitating Parasite my brain is already going NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.
posted by kagredon at 9:59 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I can't seem to find it, but my favorite SCP is an SCP agent and a refrigerator who have had their semantic references swapped.

SCP-1539-02 is a 1972 General Electric washer/dryer set, model number 3E98-17BL2, eggshell white. On recovery, it intermittently exhibited self-directed movement and produced sounds similar to human speech. On recovery, it took the physical appearance of a human male in his mid 40s, approximately 187cm tall, and weighing 82kg. Since that time, it has reduced substantially in mass and produces an offensive smell presumably resulting from an unrecovered load of laundry. As the machine lacks an identifiable lid, no procedure is currently proposed for recovery of any of the washer’s contents.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 10:00 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Huh, that's got to be it, but I could swear that it was a fridge and that they were convinced the fridge was the agent. Weird.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:02 PM on July 22, 2013


Sometimes there's a lighter side to the SCP Foundation. I've been reading the Log of Anomalous Items, a record of strange but otherwise harmless objects that have come into the Foundation's possession. It's where you'll find the Extremely Efficient Garden Shears or the glass that makes anything poured into it taste like cola. Or this one:
Item Description: A 76-centimeter-tall statue of a clown. In room where it was placed, a giggling sound would be noted whenever lights were turned off.
Date of Recovery: 5-16-200█
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current Status: Shot approximately 150 times with a 9mm sidearm by Agent ██████, until nothing remained but splinters. No anomalous properties recorded in the remains.
posted by Kevin Street at 11:08 PM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


That's because the Foundation is not what it seems.

Wow, I don't like that at all. WAY too pat. The Foundations origins should never, ever be explained, and having all of the SCPs come from essentially one place contradicts a lot of what they themselves say.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 7:04 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


AFAIK there are a variety of mutually-contradictory origin stories for the Foundation, so the ones you don't like can either be excluded from your headcanon or reinterpreted as a fabrication by outside agents or the O5s themselves, for reasons.
posted by inire at 8:06 AM on July 23, 2013


SCP-1539-02 is a 1972 General Electric washer/dryer set, model number 3E98-17BL2, eggshell white.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 1:00 AM on July 23


I call shenanigans. Those were not the model #s we were using for laundry products in 1972.
posted by magstheaxe at 8:22 AM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


magstheaxe: " Those were not the model #s we were using for laundry products in 1972."

What a twist!
posted by boo_radley at 8:34 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


OMG I've been obsessed with this site for months and I'm now going through and reading every single SCP, I think I'm at like 140 or something, although I already read a lot of them already and started over at the beginning.

I'm so excited that all you guys are so into it, and I've already learned a bunch of new creepy awesome stuff from this thread! Squee!

It could possibly be argued that Are We Cool Yet? is trying to do something along those lines.

To digress a bit, I love that group, and some of my other favorite creepy organizations within the SCP universe are Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd., Dr. Wondertainment!, and the Fifth-ists. *shivers*
posted by dubitable at 9:23 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


From the FAQ:

Is this real?
No. This is a collaborative writing website.


I was feeling a little sad (relieved?) about this before I reaized that this is just what they want you to believe.
posted by double block and bleed at 10:56 AM on July 23, 2013


the real truth is far more upsetting.
posted by The Whelk at 11:12 AM on July 23, 2013


this is great fun. thanks for the post.
posted by j03 at 1:31 PM on July 23, 2013


Well, I spent about two hours being distracted by other articles while looking for it, but 1859 - Life Over Geological Time is a rather neat idea: an ecosystem which survives on energy from a time anomaly.
posted by lucidium at 3:07 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Steely-eyed Missile Man: "I am genuinely shocked this has never been posted here before. The stairs (087?) one is seriously creepy."

There's a game based on it... if you want to try it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiHQN1q8ln4
posted by Auz at 3:54 PM on July 23, 2013


Yeah, I...don't.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 4:40 PM on July 23, 2013


Offf, how did I miss this one the actual effect is total Fringe Division, but the efforts to suppress/eradicate it are straight out of the Laundry Series.

Makes me think about the subtle acclamation of differences that give each of these basic genre premises their own distinct flavor.
posted by The Whelk at 10:53 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Like ..if I had more time I'd probably make up some kind of classification system for why one idea/concept/etc belongs in an X-File, Fringe Division, Torchwood Hub, Men Of Letters bunker, Warehouse manned by Top Men, SCP Report, Laundry Archive, Watcher's Library, or such
posted by The Whelk at 6:19 AM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Like your metrics could be , do they deal with world destroying objects? Are they Sci-Fi or supernatural in nature? Do they fight against these things or seal them away? Is there a large reason why these things exists or do they just do? Are they mostly objects or people/living things?
posted by The Whelk at 7:06 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, also level of funding, on a scale of Dean Winchester to the SCP.
posted by The Whelk at 7:07 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Like say ...The Ghostbusters would be Largely Local, Supernatural only, working-class pay grade/non government funded, mostly spooks and specters that exist because In-Universe ghosts are a thing and they are contained, not destroyed.
posted by The Whelk at 7:22 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


You've also got a continuum between Investigative agencies like Fringe Division and strictly Utilitarian outfits like the Ghostbusters or Vampire Slayers.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:26 AM on July 25, 2013


Yeah the What is it? Vs. Kill it continuum.

We should make a chart.
posted by The Whelk at 7:43 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


-Local / supernatural and social /variable means; usually limited / righteous destruction / the supernatural doesn't actually exist / giants, knights, spiteful magicians

-Cosmic / supernatural only / unlimited means / containment & retribution / part of the eschatological structure of the universe / demons, Satan, souls of naughty Italians
posted by Iridic at 7:49 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is like Bob Howard role play
posted by The Whelk at 7:57 AM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


The Whelk: This is like Bob Howard role play

I'll bring the spreadsheets, you bring the goat's blood.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:23 AM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


OK, so here are the important metrics for our Abnormal Threat Agency Classification System (or ATACS). Each Agency gets a score of one to ten in the following categories:

Geographic Scope [Local to Galactic]
Conceptual Scope [Narrow to Wide]
Conceptual Focus [Magic to Science]
Funding Level [Poverty to Midas]
Threat Level [Inconvenience to Apocalyptic]
Threat Autonomy [Inanimate Object to Godlike]
Threat Disposition [Capture to Destroy]
Belief Level [Scully to Mulder]
Academic Interest [Bishop, P. to Bishop, W.]

For example, the FBI's X Division, I would score as follows:
Geographic Scope: 6 (entire USA)
Conceptual Scope: 7 (many types of threats)
Conceptual Focus: 9 (almost entirely science-based)
Funding Level: 6 (small law enforcement division)
Threat Level: 8 (varies, but possible human extinction)
Threat Autonomy: 7 (mostly intelligent living threats)
Threat Disposition: 4 (contain and control when possible)
Belief Level: 9 (varies, but decisions largely belief-based)
Academic Interest: 4 (some science/research)

And the Mystery Machine (from Scooby Doo) gets:
Geographic Scope: 6 (entire USA)
Conceptual Scope: 3 (ghosts and spooks)
Conceptual Focus: 4 (mostly mystical)
Funding Level: 2 (teenage buddies)
Threat Level: 2 (local spookiness)
Threat Autonomy: 6 (usually intelligent living threats)
Threat Disposition: 1 (arrest by proper authorities)
Belief Level: 1 (who's under that mask?)
Academic Interest: 1 (strictly business)
posted by Rock Steady at 9:12 AM on July 25, 2013 [12 favorites]


Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
GS: 1 (Sunnydale only)
CS: 4 (vamps and demons)
CF: 1 (evil magic)
FL: 4 (backed by Watchers' Council)
TL: 7 (potential human extinction)
TA: 8 (crafty demons)
TD: 10 (stake first, ask questions later)
BL: 10 (no doubts)
AI: 5 (Giles)

SCP Foundation:
GS: 7 (USA, with international reach)
CS: 10 (huge range)
CF: 7 (wide variation, but tend to be science-based)
FL: 10 (near infinite resources)
TL: 10 (multiple Keter entities)
TA: 5 (huge range, but split between entities and things)
TD: 2 (containment is their middle name)
BL: 10 (it's all real)
AI: 10 (lots of study)
posted by Rock Steady at 10:40 AM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Defense Criminal Investigative Service -- Alpha Team (Alphas)
GS: 4 (USA, but primarily regional)
CS: 2 (supers only)
CF: 9 (science based threats)
FL: 7 (nicely-funded DOD branch)
TL: 5 (mostly localized evildoing)
TA: 7 (mostly normal people)
TD: 7 (license to kill)
BL: 9 (true believers)
AI: 4 (mostly just interested in how to stop them)
posted by Rock Steady at 11:00 AM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


This needs to be some kind of inforgraphic that I can make and publish to tumbkr at some point in the future.
posted by The Whelk at 11:05 AM on July 25, 2013


Rick Grimes and The Jailhouse Gang:
GS: 2 (Atlanta and environs)
CS: 1 (all walkers, all the time)
CF: 8 (disease process)
FL: 1 (post-apocalyptic scavengers)
TL: 8 (human extinction is on the table)
TA: 4 (mindless biting machines)
TD: 10 (headshot)
BL: 9 (can't believe this is really happening)
AI: 2 (not real inquisitive)
posted by Rock Steady at 11:22 AM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Fringe Division:
GS: 3 (US, but primarily Boston and NYC)
CS: 8 (all sorts of phenomena)
CF: 7 (largely science-based, but some woo)
FL: 6 (decent government funding)
TL: 8 (some minor threats, but some threaten existence itself)
TA: 7 (largely human or human-like entities)
TD: 8 (must eliminate threats)
BL: 8 (not everyone is 100% on-board from the beginning)
AI: 10 (Walter)

Fringe Division (Alternate):
GS: 7 (US, with international reach)
CS: 8 (all sorts of phenomena)
CF: 8 (mostly science-based)
FL: 8 (major government agency)
TL: 9 (existence constantly threatened)
TA: 7 (largely human or human-like entities)
TD: 8 (must eliminate threats)
BL: 10 (part of reality)
AI: 10 (all sorts of science research)
posted by Rock Steady at 1:00 PM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


I love you people and when I finish literally moving everything I own into a new space I will chart this up.
posted by The Whelk at 3:10 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Aww, yes. Can I play?

Angel Investigations
GS: 2 (metro Los Angeles)
CS: 6 (fair variety of supernatural-based adversaries from human sorcerors to deities)
CF: 3 (largely magic, supplemented by gadgetry/firearms)
FL: 3 (struggling small business)
TL: 6 (potential human subjugation)
TA: 8 (demonic)
TD: 9 (most threats destroyed)
BL: 9 (some fairly superficial skepticism)
AI: 4 (largely combat-focused, some study)

The Laundry
GS: 6 (United Kingdom, international only via inter-agency cooperation)
CS: 4 (Chtulonic threats only)
CF: 5 (balanced blending of magic/gadgetry/informational theory)
FL: 7, potentially 10 (bureaucratic agency with tightly-regulated emergency credit)
TL: 9 (Case Nightmare Green)
TA: 9 (potential Elder Intellegences)
TD: 5 (threats converted to assets if possible, rarely feasible with high-level entities)
BL: 10 (at posts above entry-level)
AI: 8 (high academic interest)

Carnacki the Ghost-Finder
GS: 4 (central England & nearby areas accessible by rail)
CS: 4 (ghosts, demons, human hoaxers)
CF: 4 (scientifically optimized magic)
FL: 3 (upper-class private investigator)
TL: 5 (potentially mass-murdering supernatural forces)
TA: 8 (primal demonic entities, self-awareness level frequently unclear)
TD: 5 (capture if human miscreant, pacification occasionally possible for ghosts)
BL: 8 (supernatural is real, mundane hoaxes/japes still common)
AI: 10 (Walter Bishop of the 1910s, yo)
posted by ormondsacker at 3:49 PM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


X-COM in the original UFO: Enemy Unknown:
GS: 8 (Global)
CS: 1 (Only extraterrestrials)
CF: 10 (All science based, even psionics)
FL: 7 (Varies greatly, depends on support of CFN & sales of alien artifacts and other equipment on black/gray markets)
TL: 9 (If X-Com fails, humanity is exterminated)
TA: 10 (Both direct attacks and attempts to subvert earth governments against X-Com)
TD: 9 (Capture of alien lifeforms primarily for interrogation)
BL: 10 (Complete belief)
AI: 4 (Massive research efforts, but main interest is for military applications)

Someone wanna take a crack at: BPRD, MiB, Pines' Twins of Gravity Falls, PPDC of Pacific Rim
posted by FJT at 5:08 PM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Maybe dial TA back to 9 for X-Com.
posted by FJT at 5:20 PM on July 25, 2013


Torchwood Three:
GS: 2 in early seasons; up to 5 during Children of Earth and Miracle Day (focuses solely with incidents in and around Cardiff during S1/S2; Children of Earth and Miracle Day concern global events, but the team itself operates mainly at a local level.)
CS: 3 (primarily wayward aliens and time-displaced humans)
CF: 9 (mostly scientific; occasional beings, such as the fairies or the demon from the end of season 1, could be interpreted as supernatural.)
FL: 10 (major branch of a crown-chartered secret agency; no funding issues mentioned, in spite of having a large and well-equipped base.)
TL: usually 4 (death and other unpleasantness in the local area), CoE dials it up to about 7 (possible human extinction), and MD is...complicated.
TA: 6 (varies, but usually conscious and malevolent but not especially powerful threats.)
TD: 10 (shooting something is generally the preferred option)
BL: 8 (Everyone believes the rift is real, sure, but there's some disbelief raised about the frequent life-death-time shenanigans that come up.)
AI: 2 (occasional interest in studying possibly-useful alien tech)

Semi-relevent bonus (Night Vale/SCP crossover)
posted by kagredon at 5:56 PM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Yes, yes, yes. Excellent.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:15 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


BPRD (uh, I hope I get this one close)

GS: 7 (all of earth, plus some other dimensions
CS: 8 (involves Atlanteans, Frog Demons, Elder Gods, Rasputin, Baba Yaga, Arthurian legend, and hell itself, complete with Satan.
CF: 10 (psychics, magic, shamanism, technology)
FL: 5 prior to UN involvement, now 10
TL: 10 (end of all human life, end of the world, return of elder gods, multiple cities, islands destroyed, wide swaths of earth currently unliveable)
TA: 8 (elder gods mostly confined to waiting while minions become closer and closer to releasing them)
TD: Starting at 5 (study if possible), now at 10 (war against frogs, and so forth)
BL: 10 (No more Houston, giant elder god wandering around the Sargasso Sea area, its breath turns people into monsters)
AI: Originally (BPRD 1940's/Prof. Bruttenholm) 9, now much lower, maybe 4-5, research is focused on how to stop the END OF THE WORLD.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:14 PM on July 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Multi-National United in District 9:
GS: 4 (Major multi-national corporation headquartered in Johannesburg, South Africa)
CS: 1 (Contracted by South African government to relocate Prawns to a new camp)
CF: 9 (Aliens possess advanced tech not completely understood)
FL: 6 (manufactures weapons, a PMC, and involved in "space tech" applications)
TL: 3 (seen more as dirty criminals and violent thugs than threat)
TA: 5 (Prawns have superior strength, but most have subhuman intelligence)
TD: 2 (All prawns are contained, population controlled by incinerating nests)
BL: 10 (Prawns have been on Earth for over 25 years)
AI: 4 (most research conducted by MNU, rest of humanity has lost interest)
posted by FJT at 11:42 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Winchester Brothers, before and after the Apocalypse
GS: 4 (mostly regional, UNLESS THE APOCALYPSE than 10 )
CS: 5 (Ghosts and demons and angels and devils)
CF: 3 (mystical but with a methodology behind it, things obey rules.)
FL: 1 (you running credit card scams again?)
TL: 8 (average from the usual 1-3 where it's just one house vs. the whole of humanity)
TA: 7: Even your average ghost can walk around, and all the other nasties are pretty mobile
TD 9: Without a second thought, that's their job.
BL: 10: Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days.
AI: 3 (KILL BUT WITH SOME KNOWLEDGE OF HOW TO DO SO)
posted by The Whelk at 11:54 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Planetary
GS: 9-12 Mostly planetary, but frequently transdimensional
CS: 9 Particularly on the trans- and superhuman, but anything really
CF: 7 More SciFi than SciFan
FL: Not more than 5. Self-funded, very small team.
TL: Often 4 or 5, but anywhere up to 10.
TA: 7 to 10 How do you rate a civilization of posthumans? Higher or lower than a single god?
TD: 5. They're not usually going to kill, unless given no alternative.
BL: 7. Some troubles with amnesia.
AI: 7. Their primary income is from is publication.
posted by bonehead at 11:54 AM on July 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nextwave
GS: 2 (Certain sites in continental US affected by a terroristic corporate entity.)
CS: 10 (robot broccoli men to MODOC elvii)
CF: 5 (magic and science do the nasty)
FL: 0 (On the lamb from Anger)
TL: 8 (The Forbush Man is ALL power-ful, unless you are graced with no a brain.)
TA: 7 (typical super-heroics)
TD: 9 (Never met a monster they couldn't punch to death)
BL: 10 (All too real)
AI: 0, or possibly lower.
posted by bonehead at 12:13 PM on July 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Dr. Martin Hesselius, the first occult detective:

GS: 3 (Western Europe; primarily British Isles)
CS: 4 (demons, vampires, esoteric psychological threats)
CF: 3 (the supernatural and psychological)
FL: 3 (respectable private means and library, wide net of correspondents)
TL: 3 (fatal in local area)
TA: 2-6 (ranging from pernicious delusions and dreams to actual humans)
TD: 0 (often content to simply write up events in his casebook)
BL: 8 (accepts paranormal events, but interprets them through Swedenborgian and psychological lenses)
AI: 10 (the prototype for the Bespectacled Occult Tome Quoter)
posted by Iridic at 1:59 PM on July 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


Dipper and Mabel Pines:

GS: 1 (Gravity Falls, OR)
CS: 5 (lots of cryptozoology, but some more random stuff)
CF: 4 (magic, but with some tech thrown in (copiers, arcade consoles, time travelers))
FL: 1 (kids with a stingy uncle)
TL: 2 (mostly gentle danger)
TA: 5 (some animalistic monsters, but also human-level intelligences)
TD: 2 (usually defuse threats peacefully)
BL: 6 (some is real, some is hoaxy, skepticism about over-arching mythology)
AI: 3 (they are kids on summer vacation, there's not a lot of research)
posted by Rock Steady at 5:54 AM on July 27, 2013 [3 favorites]


Finn the Human and Jake the Dog:

GS: 3 (mostly within walking distance around the Land of Ooo)
CS: 7 (all sorts of evil and badness)
CF: 5 (post-apocalyptic science is indistinguishable from magic)
FL: 3 (mostly scavengers, but have the backing of the Candy Kingdom when needed)
TL: 6 (varies from princess kidnappings to world ending
TA: 8 (varies from zombie-like mindlessness to godlike omnipotence)
TD: 9 (lots of punching and swording)
BL: 10 (everything is clearly real)
AI: 2 (let PB do all the sciencing)
posted by Rock Steady at 6:04 AM on July 27, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm late to the game on this post, but for everyone who enjoys the SCP vibe, I'd recommend reading Roadside Picnic, the brain-melting short novel from Arkady and Boris Strugatsky. There's a text file of the English translation, as well as the Russian, linked from the Wiki page.

The Artifacts in the Zones are pretty spine-tingly in their obscurity of function.
posted by sonascope at 7:38 PM on August 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


So, I watched "Beyond the Black Rainbow" last night, and I couldn't stop thinking that's what an SCP Foundation movie should be like. Or, you know, that at one end of a spectrum with "The Avengers" at the other end.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:39 AM on August 4, 2013


The Whelk: “Actually the best thing ever was THE RISE OF SPIDER COMMUNISM.”
I've been looking for the link to that arachno-communist thing forever, and thought that today would finally be the day because I could swear it was an SCP. However, I still can't find it.
posted by ob1quixote at 3:18 AM on August 4, 2013


Ah, found it. SCP-1006.
posted by ob1quixote at 3:21 AM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


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