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Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg
July 25, 2013 1:21 PM   Subscribe

Scientifically accurate DuckTales. (SLYT, NSFW)
posted by Chrysostom (66 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
what
posted by elizardbits at 1:24 PM on July 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


On the one hand, this broke my brain. On the other hand, I would watch the shit out of this show.

On the third hand, this provides names for like fifty future rock bands.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:24 PM on July 25, 2013


That was a little more poop than was absolutely necessary to make the point.
posted by Curious Artificer at 1:27 PM on July 25, 2013 [9 favorites]


This is a fine addition to the genre of Horrible DuckTails Intros
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:27 PM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Seriously NSFW.

And heads don't explode in vacuum. Not-so-scientifically-accurate.

Otherwise great!
posted by jiawen at 1:28 PM on July 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


Missing the "explosive shit" and "repeated duck rape" tags tbh.
posted by elizardbits at 1:30 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


[added nsfw tag]
posted by jessamyn at 1:30 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ah, sorry, should have put NSFW tag on.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:35 PM on July 25, 2013


(I, too, could do without all the rape and poop jokes, but the idea of Duck Tales being played out by real ducks is endlessly amusing to me because ducks are total clown assholes)
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:36 PM on July 25, 2013


Mkay, I knew about the necrophilia, the general lack of choosiness in partners, the gold and the data on duck junk, but all I can say about the allegations of cannibalism would be CITATION NEEDED.
posted by Samizdata at 1:40 PM on July 25, 2013


Although my ex-aunt (may she rest in peace), did have a parrot that liked fried chicken.

And white wine, but that's a derail.

And it bit me on the neck.
posted by Samizdata at 1:42 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


tales of daring dorah indeed
posted by The Whelk at 1:45 PM on July 25, 2013


all I can say about the allegations of cannibalism would be CITATION NEEDED.

Here you go.
Although cannibalism can begin in ducks of any age, ducklings over 4 weeks old are more prone to develop this vice. The underlying reasons for birds turning to cannibalism are not known, but it is associated with boredom and is aggravated by:

overcrowding
lack of ventilation
faulty nutrition.

The only known way to stop it is to remove the rim at the front of the bird’s upper bill. Commercial beak-trimming machines are available. They have heated cauterising blades and run on electricity or butane gas. Beak trimming should be performed only by a competent operator and only when it is essential to reduce damage and suffering in the flock.
Courtesy of the government of New South Wales.
posted by jessamyn at 1:50 PM on July 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


jessamyn knows birds, alrighty!
posted by Curious Artificer at 1:52 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


The underlying reasons for birds turning to cannibalism are not known, but it is associated with boredom

This is my design.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:53 PM on July 25, 2013 [27 favorites]


Tales of the Anatidae family, nightmares you can't unsee. Ducktales! Oo oo!
posted by Kevin Street at 1:57 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


The entire second verse, about the gold, is completely ripped off from a Family Guy cutaway. I mean, I accuse a lot of people of ripping off a lot of things, but usually I only half mean it. That is completely ripped off. And not as funny.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:03 PM on July 25, 2013


Are all waterfowl horrible dicks? I know I've heard bad things about swans and geese. I don't know anything about them, but I'm guessing screamers aren't friendly and sedate. Gulls? Flamingos? Herons?
posted by Copronymus at 2:18 PM on July 25, 2013


They also steal the clothes from little kittens.
posted by jessamyn at 2:20 PM on July 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


Whoever made this, I don't think they liked ducks.
posted by jeisme at 2:20 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I once broke up a mallard gang rape in Boston's Public Garden. A group of about eight male mallards had a female pinned down and she was making a terrible noise. There was a crowd of people and ducks gathered around watching it, but without thinking I rushed in and scattered the assailants. The female shot off towards the Common with a couple of males in pursuit. I didn't know about ducks' proclivities until I got home and read about it-- if I had, I probably wouldn't have interfered.

A few years later, my daughter was born-- like any proper child of Boston, one of the first gifts she received was a copy of Make Way for Duckings. I must have read it a hundred times when I was a kid, but it's just not the same anymore.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:27 PM on July 25, 2013 [16 favorites]


Sys Rq: "The entire second verse, about the gold, is completely ripped off from a Family Guy cutaway"

I noticed that too, and since Family Guy is a pure original, I can see why this is offends.

(But you're right -- the not funny, not original enemy of my not funny, not original enemy is not my funny, original friend. Or something. I'm sorry; I'm just trying to get duck shit off my brain.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:31 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


we had ducks when I was a kid, and I'd like to add: it is not possible to overstate the explosive shit thing. I didn't think much about their sexual lives - animals are not people. And duck is still my favorite food.
posted by mumimor at 3:10 PM on July 25, 2013


I noticed that too, and since Family Guy is a pure original, I can see why this is offends.

You're being sarcastic, but, yeah, exactly. You can only nuke the leftovers so many times, y'know?
posted by Sys Rq at 3:16 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


jessamyn: "Courtesy of the government of New South Wales."

Should I be afraid or proud that you were able to pull that out?
posted by theichibun at 3:22 PM on July 25, 2013


My Googling technique is unstoppable!

but seriously it was the sixth result for searching for ducks cannibals
posted by jessamyn at 3:28 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


WHAT WAS THE FIRST
posted by The Whelk at 3:29 PM on July 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Vampirism is a sort of cannibalism, right?
posted by Sys Rq at 3:32 PM on July 25, 2013


♫ ♪ Ducks will! Grind you! ♫ ♪
posted by psoas at 3:32 PM on July 25, 2013


I don't know about the whole "duck rape" thing. It feels very jokey jokey here, and the word "rape" is not a good one when discussing animal sexuality, which is often so different from human sexuality as to be genuinely alien. I am not even sure how we might discuss the subject of rape when it comes to many animals, for whom "consent" is not a meaningful term.

The phrase used in evolutionary biology is, apparently, sexual coercion. And I personally think there is something awful about the fact that there is so much of it in the animal kingdom, but this is consistent with what I feel about so much of the animal kingdom, which is, after all, red in tooth and claw and all that.

In this instance, I feel like the video is superimposing the term "rape" onto an animal not for greater precision in describing the event (unlike, say, Isabella Rossellini's investigation into insect sex, which feels like an honest attempt to visit the ways in which nonhumans procreate), but instead as a way of making yet another goddamn rape joke.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:42 PM on July 25, 2013 [10 favorites]


Kay, I'm pretty sure Only a Poor Old Man had a scientific explanation for how Unca Scrooge could swim in the money but the Beagle Boys broke their necks when they tried it. So, science.
posted by evilcolonel at 4:04 PM on July 25, 2013


This video is unrelated.
posted by jsnlxndrlv at 4:04 PM on July 25, 2013


Samizdata: Although my ex-aunt (may she rest in peace), did have a parrot that liked fried chicken.

A bird eating a different kind of bird is like one mammal eating a different kind of mammal, and nobody freaks out over a dog eating steak.
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:07 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I had to to turn of a nature program about predatory birds cause the person I was watching with didn't like " birds eating other birds."


It's just unseemly.
posted by The Whelk at 4:12 PM on July 25, 2013


WHAT WAS THE FIRST

I Witnessed Duck Cannibalism is one of the little-known gems of Zappa's oeuvre.
posted by DaDaDaDave at 4:32 PM on July 25, 2013


MetaFilter: Beak trimming should be performed only by a competent operator
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:52 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


On the other hand, I would watch the shit out of this show.

It's showing pretty much all day every day at your local waterfowl-friendly pond (or, as professionals call them, "semiaquatic assholitarium").
posted by No-sword at 5:01 PM on July 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


As the writer and vocalist of this piece, I can honestly say I've never seen an episode of Family Guy in my life. I am bummed out to hear that the joke is not original.

It could be argued that it's my responsibility to see if anyone else has said a bit before, but the implications of that are exhausting. I don't have a television, and write without vetting. The opposite would probably demoralize me until it killed my creativity.

Besides, my bosses are FOX broadcasting, and if they didn't catch it, it's possibly not on most people's radar.
posted by Faithless327 at 5:07 PM on July 25, 2013 [25 favorites]


Faithless -- that's pretty awesome! Do you know are these going to air on TV during the ADHD block? (I'm not really sure what it's going to be, aside from Axe Cop (which ruled) and High School USA (which was pretty good, but I suspect will rule as well once I get more into the rhythm, as Dino's stuff is usually King Awesome).

Also, do you know if they'll put up credits on these? There have been some really good ones, and some stuff where I've wondered who the animators are -- some of it has looked a lot like Christy Karacas, but I've wondered if it's him, or if I'm just bad at recognizing styles or what...
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 5:18 PM on July 25, 2013


Here's the clip in question.
posted by ShutterBun at 5:20 PM on July 25, 2013



So......

Looks like I have some interesting things to look forward too. I got 11, week old duckling about 2 months ago.

The sex stuff hasn't started yet but I can attest to the poop thing.

Chickens aren't much better when it comes to sex. Last summer I ended up with too many roosters for the number of hens. Poor things. I had to separate them because of the injuries. At least ducks don't have pointy beaks and claws to draw blood and cut with....
posted by Jalliah at 5:43 PM on July 25, 2013


As the writer and vocalist of this piece, I can honestly say I've never seen an episode of Family Guy in my life. I am bummed out to hear that the joke is not original.

'You couldn't really do that' is a thought that plenty of pedantic people like myself have every time they see Scrooge McDuck's dive-- so I thought that was the funniest bit in the clip. I don't think you should feel bummed-- it was relevant to the theme and played on a notion that lots of people have had for a long time. The whole piece is quite good!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:42 PM on July 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


As the writer and vocalist of this piece, I can honestly say I've never seen an episode of Family Guy in my life. I am bummed out to hear that the joke is not original.

According to this comment from a previous discussion about Duck Tales, this issue was explored in the original cartoon.
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 7:11 PM on July 25, 2013


This is good, but the Spider-Man one is even better.
posted by brain_drain at 7:59 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't have a television, and write without vetting. The opposite would probably demoralize me until it killed my creativity.

Besides, my bosses are FOX broadcasting, and if they didn't catch it, it's possibly not on most people's radar.


I don't mean to pick on you; if any of the following seems harsh, it is because I envy you. Keep that in mind.

A couple things:
1. If you work in television, you should probably care enough about it to own one. And if you're making goofy cartoons for stoners (which is what ADHD -- terrible name, btw -- seems to be), there's really no excuse for not knowing Family Guy inside and out. Ditto American Dad, South Park, Adult Swim, and anything with H. Jon Benjamin in it.
2. No, the gag isn't on "most people's" radar, but it's certainly on the radar of regular Family Guy viewers, which is presumably the demographic the ADHD block (really, truly awful name) is aimed at. Fox sneak previewed ADHD (shitty name, incidentally) in its Sunday lineup (home of Family Guy) for exactly that purpose, and Family Guy has run in Cartoon Network's Adult Swim -- which ADHD (seriously, I hate that name; it's a real thing, I have it, and it sucks; might as well call it psoriasis) is rather transparently aping -- for years and years now.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:08 PM on July 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


Everyone's a critic.

Wait, did I say everyone? I meant Sys Rq.
posted by grouse at 8:14 PM on July 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Sys Rq must really envy Faithless.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:14 PM on July 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't think Faithless named the timeslot. I really, really do hate that name.

But is knowing your audience and your medium too much to ask?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:28 PM on July 25, 2013


Looks like there's a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle one as well.
posted by Kevin Street at 8:49 PM on July 25, 2013


I actually leaned forward to close the window about 2/3 of the way through and then she sang "third verse is about genitalia so stay in your places," and I was like, damn, she got me.
posted by Lutoslawski at 10:01 PM on July 25, 2013


I somehow ended up watching an episode of Duck Tales dubbed in hindi.

It was good.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 11:14 PM on July 25, 2013


Thank you. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.
posted by evil otto at 1:10 AM on July 26, 2013


jessamyn: "all I can say about the allegations of cannibalism would be CITATION NEEDED.

Here you go.
Although cannibalism can begin in ducks of any age, ducklings over 4 weeks old are more prone to develop this vice. The underlying reasons for birds turning to cannibalism are not known, but it is associated with boredom and is aggravated by:

overcrowding
lack of ventilation
faulty nutrition.

The only known way to stop it is to remove the rim at the front of the bird’s upper bill. Commercial beak-trimming machines are available. They have heated cauterising blades and run on electricity or butane gas. Beak trimming should be performed only by a competent operator and only when it is essential to reduce damage and suffering in the flock.
Courtesy of the government of New South Wales.
"

Most intriguing. Cheers!
posted by Samizdata at 6:14 AM on July 26, 2013


Yeah, the fact that diving into a sea of gold coins wouldn't end well has occurred to basically everyone who has thought about the concept for more than two seconds. Family Guy don't have a monopoly on that joke.
posted by ymgve at 6:15 AM on July 26, 2013 [4 favorites]


Then they shouldn't've been able to build that hotel. I want my $600 back.
posted by mountmccabe at 6:18 AM on July 26, 2013


When I first saw this on Reddit, I was like, "yeah, this is totally up Reddit's alley." Self important and citation-free scientific claims. Nostalgia for 1990s childhood pop culture. Gratuitous rape jokes. Jokes ripped off Family Guy. Poop jokes.
posted by Skwirl at 6:42 AM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Do you normally expect citations to scientific literature in your cartoons?
posted by Chrysostom at 6:58 AM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


They aren't going to air the shorts during the TV block -- at least, that's not the plan right now. They were more interested in letting me write whatever I wanted in whatever style, without fear of broadcast censorship.

So, I've written almost all of the shorts on the channel. A large number of them are my voices, too; that vulgar and hopeless Pokemon one is me doing multiple voices on like Ash, Pikachu, etc. The ones that have credits (Egoraptor, Sick Animation) are the guest slots.

I did not name the block. It was created by Nick Widenfeld and Hend Baghdady and Ben Jones. I was hired as a consultant last year to work on Golan the Insatiable, and pitched Illuminati Rock. They liked it enough to give me an entire division.

For the first Scientifically Accurate short (Spider-Man), I did provide citations because I thought it was funny to release a short with a bibliography. You can see it in the info section on YouTube. But we forgot to do it for TMNT, so we haven't done it since.

There aren't credits for any of the work that the shorts team does by design, but Sean Solomon, Matt Marblo, and Sean Glaze are frequent collaborators, as is the aforementioned Ben Jones.

Finally, I do not think I need to own a television in order to be a writer of internet shorts. I think it's probably more important for me to own a computer and frequent Reddit.
posted by Faithless327 at 10:43 AM on July 26, 2013 [7 favorites]


The entire second verse, about the gold, is completely ripped off from a Family Guy cutaway.

That's nothing, the entire short is completely ripped off from the credits of DuckTales!!!
posted by speicus at 11:12 AM on July 26, 2013 [6 favorites]


For the first Scientifically Accurate short (Spider-Man), I did provide citations because I thought it was funny to release a short with a bibliography.

I'm a librarian and I totally agree with this. Hilarious!
posted by jessamyn at 11:39 AM on July 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Family Guy don't have a monopoly on that joke.

Not to mention that, now that I've gone and checked out the Family Guy clip, I can authoritatively* state that it is an order of magnitude less pleasant to watch. Peter Griffin, I loathe thee.

*Thanks, science!
posted by psoas at 12:41 PM on July 26, 2013


For the first Scientifically Accurate short (Spider-Man), I did provide citations because I thought it was funny to release a short with a bibliography. You can see it in the info section on YouTube. But we forgot to do it for TMNT, so we haven't done it since.

But those were the best parts! /pedant
posted by Doktor Zed at 12:45 PM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


and pitched Illuminati Rock.

I love conspiracy stuff, and it reminded me of "An Amendment to Be" from The Simpsons. Also, I know it's not part of the "scientifically accurate" series, but I fact checked the Skull and Bones reference. Neither Obama nor Romney are known Skull and Bones members, but Austin Goolsbee (former advisor to Obama) is.

Finally, Chinese people (especially Mainland Chinese), don't really eat cheese because of lactose intolerance and just not really being exposed to it in their cuisine. Don't get me wrong, I'm ethnically Chinese (not lactose intolerant) and would have killed for some good cheese (even made from horse head) when I was living there.
posted by FJT at 1:27 AM on July 27, 2013


I can't see it linked above, but is it possible no one has shared the related ZFrank True Facts About Ducks?

I really must caution, it's way more graphic about duck penises and vagina mazes than I expected going in.

Drill, baby, drill.
posted by Mezentian at 3:17 AM on July 27, 2013


I can't see it linked above, but is it possible no one has shared the related ZFrank True Facts About Ducks?

No, it's not.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:23 AM on July 27, 2013


Oh man, that Illuminati Rock link is fantastic.
posted by ThatFuzzyBastard at 11:53 AM on July 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


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