Not Nice
August 2, 2013 8:13 PM   Subscribe

I Do Not Want My Daughter to Be ‘Nice’
posted by Artw (9 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This was deleted earlier today and that deletion reason still holds. -- restless_nomad



 
The author of that piece's name is like two letters off from my mother's name. That threw me for a loop.

For the record, my mother does want her daughter to be "nice".

The jury is still out on whether she got her wish.
posted by Sara C. at 8:15 PM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wasn't this one deleted yesterday?
posted by kandinski at 8:21 PM on August 2, 2013


Well I can relate. This little girl sounds like me. I'm very polite and nice and funny but people make assumptions about me because I only see the need to smile if something actual compels me to. This causes people to think I'm actually angry most of the time. I fake smiles all the time and people still say things like "You look pissed off." and assume I'm about to bitch them out, even though I'm not even capable of bitching people out. I once didn't get a receptionist job because I sounded like a friendly, competent business person over the phone and not like a stereotypical cheerleader who just took a bunch of E.
posted by bleep at 8:24 PM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read this earlier and had strong reactions of dislike about it. Disdainful of waitresses and strippers wtf, and there are many ways to be feminist, including being outwardly "girly."

Just bad taste in my mouth, the whole thing.
posted by sweetkid at 8:25 PM on August 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Tatyana Fazlalizadeh, her other work is awesome; her Stop Telling Women to Smile is relevant.

I dream of owning her Judith
posted by crush-onastick at 8:28 PM on August 2, 2013


I think the thing the author does not want her daughter to become is more accurately called a "pleaser." You can smile and have it mean "fuck off."

I was a relentless authority-pleaser as a child. My daughter seems to classify authority figures into Stupid/Boring: Ignore, Interesting: Listen, Seems to Be In Charge of Stuff I Actually Care About: Pay Attention. Seems like a pretty good algorithm, and so far I have been in the last category, so I'm good with it.
posted by jeoc at 8:28 PM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm all for women and girls who aren't "nice".

But I think there's a difference between the niceness thing/an obsession with being liked and the ability to be courteous to strangers.

I'm also curious why the author chose to write this piece and not something deconstructing the "bossy" label for little girls. Which would have been both more interesting and also less prone to be misunderstood as the daughter being a brat. I don't think there's anything revolutionary about raising a bratty kid.
posted by Sara C. at 8:30 PM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Whatever. I'm sick of Mommybloggers using their kids as blog fodder.
posted by Ideefixe at 8:31 PM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't think it's about being "outwardly girly" but more about going through life feeling like you have to be inauthentic because your authentic feelings are unacceptable.
posted by bleep at 8:31 PM on August 2, 2013


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