Join 3,572 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Thirsty koala
August 4, 2013 2:19 PM   Subscribe

Thirsty koala is in the house.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts (55 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
I don't think I would have gotten my nose so close to a koala. I know they aren't very aggressive, but they can be grumpy and take a swipe when they feel threatened. But darn cute.
posted by tavella at 2:26 PM on August 4, 2013


I just keep trying to picture an analog here in the US, of a wild animal that is that cute and that size and that semi-docile. Possums are ugly and nasty and that size, raccoons are adorable but they're mean bastards much of the time...I just kept expecting the koala to suddenly jump and tear his face off.

Also, isn't extreme thirst a sign of rabies?
posted by nevercalm at 2:33 PM on August 4, 2013


It is also a sign of an Australian summer in which it hasn't rained and it's been 110+ for months at a time.
posted by elizardbits at 2:35 PM on August 4, 2013 [4 favorites]


Also, isn't extreme thirst a sign of rabies?

Rabies has never been reported in Australia, I think?
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:36 PM on August 4, 2013


Yea I got close to a koala at an animal park in Australia but a backyard? I'd want nowhere near those claws.
posted by sweetkid at 2:36 PM on August 4, 2013


Also I think Australia doesn't have rabies? By some magical power?
posted by elizardbits at 2:36 PM on August 4, 2013


Also I think Australia doesn't have rabies? By some magical power?

Rabies is scared of the spiders.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:39 PM on August 4, 2013 [9 favorites]


I just googled Rabies Australia and apparently it just arrived there this year via bats.
posted by sweetkid at 2:41 PM on August 4, 2013


obligatory
posted by juv3nal at 2:47 PM on August 4, 2013 [7 favorites]


Aww, the koala just wanted to take a nap behind the couch. Must have belonged to someone down the street, some kid is probably crying their eyes out looking for their koala.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:48 PM on August 4, 2013


DOES IT EVER BLINK!?
posted by odinsdream at 2:54 PM on August 4, 2013


DOES IT EVER BLINK!?

Of course not. He's flabbergasted by what he's seeing. "Dude, I gotta spend all day chewing the poisonous leaves of a flammable tree in boiling temperatures and you got a whole fancy cave thing with air conditioning and running water? Dude. Dude. You have pillows!?"
posted by Sys Rq at 3:13 PM on August 4, 2013 [9 favorites]


DOES IT EVER BLINK!?

OH OKAY SO apparently this is a little-known fact about koalas? You know how some kinds of birds and moths and butterflies have big black dots on their wings that make them look like a larger animal with a big face? It seems that koalas have that kind of natural protection too and those things on its "face" that look like "eyes" are really just to distract its prey and confuse its predators.
posted by elizardbits at 3:13 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wow you know a lot about koalas elizardbits I had no idea.
posted by sweetkid at 3:22 PM on August 4, 2013 [5 favorites]


You guys are so gullible. Koalas don't even exist. I've seen cats dogs, all kinds of birds, and even horses but I've never seen someone walking a koala or seen on in the pet store.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:27 PM on August 4, 2013


That is actually a rare koala spider, a spider that has evolved to look like a koala to take advantage of our attraction to koalas. That sound is not the koala spider drinking water but sucking juices through the man's anesthetized hand. His thirst for beer is driven by this loss of fluids. Nature is wonderful in Australia. Wonderful and horrid.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:46 PM on August 4, 2013 [13 favorites]


I've never seen someone walking a koala or seen on in the pet store.

That doesn't prove anything, because all animals don't come from pet stores. Some are also found in holes in the ground or hiding behind small books. I know this, I have worked as an animal knowledge person at a place thing.
posted by martinrebas at 3:47 PM on August 4, 2013 [14 favorites]


Also, isn't extreme thirst a sign of rabies?

Maddening, unquenchable thirst coupled with inability to swallow and panic when faced with drink. Sometimes called hydrophobia.
*the more you know, shooting star, jingle*
posted by eddydamascene at 3:51 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Koalas are interesting animals. They lay eggs, have a fear of hats and have been known to build little boats out of eucalyptus leaves during the rainy season.
posted by panboi at 3:54 PM on August 4, 2013 [4 favorites]


It seems that koalas have that kind of natural protection too and those things on its "face" that look like "eyes" are really just to distract its prey and confuse its predators.

This is true; you are in fact looking at its ass. Nature is awesome.
posted by sidereal at 3:59 PM on August 4, 2013


or hiding behind small books

So there may be koalas hiding in my apartment right now? I am ok as long as I don't look into their butt eyes right and get confused right?
posted by Ad hominem at 4:05 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nature is awesome.

Nature is terrible. Koalas get AIDS. There is literally an epidemic of koala AIDS.
posted by eddydamascene at 4:15 PM on August 4, 2013


Having koalas and wombats seems like a pretty good trade off for poisonous spiders and living in the fiery furnace of hell.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 4:18 PM on August 4, 2013


Aargh and now I find out fron eddydamascene that ALL THE KOALAS MAY DIE.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 4:20 PM on August 4, 2013


Koala Immune Deficiency Syndrome (KIDS)

Damn. Even the cause of their impending extinction is cute.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:21 PM on August 4, 2013 [4 favorites]


this was such a nice party
posted by sidereal at 4:24 PM on August 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


Koalas apparently sound like hell demons when annoyed: Crazy Koala fight.
posted by madamjujujive at 4:34 PM on August 4, 2013 [16 favorites]


Actually, koalas are more under threat from their species-specific chylamydia than from KIDS, and habitat loss is the worst threat of all.

No, there's no rabies in Australia or New Zealand, partly because there are stringent guidelines about pet importation and the occasional imported human case. Mostly because the Antipodes are the hell and gone in the middle of the ocean and the small rodents which cheerfully ignore those guidelines rarely have rabies, at least not in the timeline to come schlepping over in a cargo ship while still contagious but not yet dead. It's likely just a matter of time, though, because the nearest Indonesian islands now have cases (as well as poor marine export security (an issue for illegal shipping of people, much less small animals)).

Australia does have its very own bat lyssavirus, transmissible to humans, that killed a little kid just last summer.

Koalas can give you scabies. That's about it. Here is a fun list of zoonoses so you can worry more specifically after you decide to snoogle the wild animals.
posted by gingerest at 4:41 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


Koalas apparently sound like hell demons when annoyed.

I....was not prepared for that.
posted by nevercalm at 5:08 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


Koalas apparently sound like hell demons when annoyed.

Also not prepared. It went from "Oh what a cute little squeak they make." to "Fuck! Drop the camera and RUN!" in no time.
posted by orme at 5:12 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


HAHA I am going to hide behind the backyard fence at make that noise at drunk dudebros in the dead of night

fuck i need a video camera
posted by elizardbits at 5:14 PM on August 4, 2013 [5 favorites]


How the fuck does one animal make that range of noises. It went from screeching to gurgles from the pits of hell.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:20 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Koalas drink water very rarely: they obtain almost all of their moisture needs from the eucalyptus leaves they ingest. Koalas do drink water, but very rarely, and usually only in extreme stress, such as during heatwaves. "per Wiki Answers
posted by Old Timer at 5:22 PM on August 4, 2013


How the fuck does one animal make that range of noises. It went from screeching to gurgles from the pits of hell.

What is little understood is that Eucalyptus trees are, in fact, Hell. Each leaf is the soul of a damned person, condemned to be eaten by koalas and digested, painfully, then regrown, for all eternity. When threatened, koalas release the cries of the damned to frighten off attackers, especially koala spiders (the apparent "bitey koala" in that video). Koala spiders are deathly afraid of damned souls. As they very well should be.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:26 PM on August 4, 2013 [9 favorites]


When I was younger I used to hear this noise every night: EHEHEHEHEHE-HUM! EHEHEHEHEHE-HUM! HUM! HUM! EHE-HUM!

Every night, around 11 PM. It sounded just like somebody revving a motorcycle, over and over. But why would they do that? And why do it at night? So I gradually developed an intricate story to explain the noise. It obviously came from a neighbour who was restoring a motorbike. And when he was testing the engine he needed to rev it. But why was he doing it at night? Well, he must be a shift worker, and this was the only time he had free. So I had this whole story worked out, including the model (a Triumph Speed Twin) and the job (a metalworker, just because).

Then I read about possums and the noises they make when they're being territorial. EHE-HUM! EHE-HUM. Hmm.

So one night I got a torch ("flashlight") ready and waited for the EHE-HUMs to start. Waited ... waited ... and there it came! I leapt out of bed, ran to the side door, flung it open - and there was a huge brushtail possum, its eyes shining at me, going HUMM! HUMM! outside my window. I was satisfied so beat a retreat and went to bed.

It still kept me up, but it didn't bother me as much.
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:28 PM on August 4, 2013 [6 favorites]


What sort of deal do koalas have worked out with the other, deadly animals of Australia, that allows these things to even exist?
posted by orme at 5:58 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


gonna call my next black metal band "koala"
posted by raihan_ at 6:25 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


What sort of deal do koalas have worked out with the other, deadly animals of Australia, that allows these things to even exist?

If you don't bite me I promise to not unleash my demonic scream from hell that will surely send you back into the dark hole you call home wishing that you had stronger venom.
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 6:55 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


When the woman handed the man the glass, my first thought was, "OH GOD DON'T GIVE THE KOALA BEER."

Yes, I am Australian.
posted by Georgina at 6:55 PM on August 4, 2013 [5 favorites]


do we not feed them after midnight or let them get wet as well
posted by sweetkid at 6:56 PM on August 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


This thread has taught me more about koalas than I would have thought possible. I can't wait to impress my friends and coworkers with my new koala knowledge.
posted by Ducks or monkeys at 8:44 PM on August 4, 2013 [4 favorites]


Some of the facts revealed here are secret... Like the disguises and magic and they are safely guarded. I am not sure you have the koalifications to share them.
posted by sweetkid at 8:58 PM on August 4, 2013 [8 favorites]


When the woman handed the man the glass, my first thought was, "OH GOD DON'T GIVE THE KOALA BEER."

Yeah, in the first "Thirsty" link, sure the koala was lapping at the water for a bit, but then the dude downed his beer in less time, and I thought "who's the thirsty one?"

That Crazy Koala Fight was awesome. I, too, thought that squeak at the beginning was not what I'd call a hell demon, but then all of a sudden wtf.
posted by Metro Gnome at 10:36 PM on August 4, 2013


How the fuck does one animal make that range of noises. It went from screeching to gurgles from the pits of hell.

Because they have a extending vocal tract which allows them to look like this but sound like this.
posted by asok at 3:16 AM on August 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


Koalas fall out of trees quite often, and these trees can be over 100' tall. Luckily they have tiny brains, 40% of their skull cavity being filled with fluid, so they just lie there until they get their breath back an climb back up to resume sleeping/eating.
posted by asok at 3:43 AM on August 5, 2013


No, I'm sorry but I think you are confusing Koalas with Dropbears.
posted by moody cow at 5:13 AM on August 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was worried it was a drop bear but then realised that the people in the video are Australians so they would have been fine anyway.
posted by AlienGrace at 5:18 AM on August 5, 2013


Because they have a extending vocal tract

Koalas and Red Deer! You may have evolved a descended larynx in an effort to become more human, but I suggest you stop right there. Yes, the problems of predation and reduced ecosystem are pressing, but further human-ward development will just make you more aware of the forces of capitalism. I promise you, it's not worth it.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:31 AM on August 5, 2013


"I do not like koalas. They are nasty, cross, stupid creatures without a friendly bone in their bodies. Their social habits are appalling - the males are always beating their fellows up and stealing their females. They have disgusting defensive mechanisms. Lice infest their fur. They snore. Their resemblance to cuddly toys is a base deceit. There is nothing to commend them. On top of all that, a koala once tried to do me a very nasty mischief."
posted by jammy at 5:38 AM on August 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


koala knowledge.

koaledge.
posted by odinsdream at 5:54 AM on August 5, 2013


Oh lord. Jammy's link. Oh my goodness.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:17 AM on August 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


juv3nal: "obligatory"

Metafilter: there will be more room for the panthers and all the other hard animals.
posted by symbioid at 6:39 AM on August 5, 2013


I am not sure you have the koalifications

oh no you did NOT
posted by elizardbits at 7:16 AM on August 5, 2013


That link of jammy's is painfully funny.
posted by leslies at 5:07 PM on August 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is now my favorite thread.
posted by vegartanipla at 5:52 PM on August 5, 2013


« Older Fly Me to the Moon on Otamatone. What is an Otama...   |   PORCELAINia.... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments