"Who’s got two thumbs and killed Marilyn Monroe? This guy!"

August 7, 2013 10:02 AM

Brief Summaries of the Song Lyrics of The Misfits, 1977-1983
posted by Pope Guilty (39 comments total)

As an added bonus, "Rat Fink" is actually a version of this classic.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:04 AM on August 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

I love, love, love *Last Caress*...but in my heart of hearts, I don't think I'll ever really believe that it's ok to do so.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 10:21 AM on August 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

When enjoying the music of The Misfits, it is important to note that the lifestyle promoted by their lyrics is neither moral nor healthy. A-WHOAH-OH-OH-OH!
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:32 AM on August 7, 2013 [7 favorites]

The Devil owns a brothel where demonic sex workers mix sexual fulfillment with blasphemy.

I am a murderous demon who wishes to add your skull to the decor of my home. It would be a good match for the “severed head” theme I’ve got going on.

I mean really, they're all quite accurate.
posted by elizardbits at 10:33 AM on August 7, 2013

It's also likely that in most of these songs we're dealing with a highly unreliable narrator.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:34 AM on August 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

Also I will now reenact the twist contest dance scene from Pulp Fiction to the tune of Angelfuck in the privacy of my office.

yey
posted by elizardbits at 10:35 AM on August 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

It's really tragic that when The Misfits broke up, Danzig lost his sense of humor.
posted by ThatFuzzyBastard at 10:38 AM on August 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

But when he lost his sense of humor, Glenn Danzig became the ne plus ultra of unintentionally hilarious human beings and I love it with all my heart.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:39 AM on August 7, 2013 [6 favorites]

Hybrid Moments: Women are especially attractive to me immediately before they are torn apart by werewolves.

Is that what that song is about? It's on rock.rapgenius.com but strangely nobody has attempted a close reading.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:40 AM on August 7, 2013

I've got the coffin-shaped box set of this set of music. I listened to all of it, over and over, in an ill-advised drive beginning at midnight of Halloween from Ohio to my home. I had forgotten that, along the trip, I would be encountering an enormous, spotlight-hazed white cross, which loomed up out of some very seasonal fog at me while listening to Glenn Danzig howl what I dimly remember to be "Die, Die My Darling," as if I were being offered a chance at redemption from this awful Devil music. I only put my foot down and sped off into the night.

I'll be seein' you, in Hell.
posted by adipocere at 10:43 AM on August 7, 2013 [10 favorites]

A big part of why I'll always love Danzig including the absolute ridiculousness once he got "serious" is demonstrated by this parody rendition of "Mother" being a more emotionally true picture of my adolescence than any retelling I could give straight from memory.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:53 AM on August 7, 2013

Back in the day, the song most people speculated over was "We are 138". I'm actually sad that it's been revealed to be based on THX1138 because the ambiguity was the best thing about it.
posted by cazoo at 11:02 AM on August 7, 2013

You guys have seen Danzig getting knocked out right?

I used to work with a big Danzig fan who was always playing The Misfits in the office and I'd figure out way to have it play on various computers around the office to fuck with him. Man I miss working at startups.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:02 AM on August 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

Also Glenn Danzig buying kitty litter. But this may make me laugh the most because this is how that dude acts and lives his life.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:11 AM on August 7, 2013 [8 favorites]

I often take off my shirt and position myself so you can see my tattoos before I show off my books. "This is a copy of of Leaves of Grass, It has lots of poems about grass"
posted by Ad hominem at 11:15 AM on August 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

Glenn,
It's possible you turned into something resembling a Martian, but the statement "I turned into a Martian" is a semantic absurdity, unless you were describing an automobile accident.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:19 AM on August 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

As a kid, I used to think the hip hop and heavy metal I listened to had fucked up lyrics. Then I heard "Bullet".
posted by gwint at 11:20 AM on August 7, 2013

This relevant comic always makes me laugh because it is plausibly close to the artistic vision behind the song.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:27 AM on August 7, 2013

They're overthinking, like, half of these.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:31 AM on August 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

But this may make me laugh the most because this is how that dude acts and lives his life.

ZOMG thanks for that clip because: MONTAGUE SUMMERS!!!

For years I have had this book by him, The Vampire In Europe, that a friend of mine apparently stole from a library in high school...

It made me unaccountably excited to see a reference to him...and it turns out that he's a known guy...
posted by Fists O'Fury at 11:33 AM on August 7, 2013

Where Eagles Dare is a strange song.

He is supposed to be some kind of monster but gets all bent out of shape when a prostitute he intends to kill calls him a goddamn son of a bitch "Yes, I am damned by god, but I'll have you know my mom was a hero who worked two jobs to clothe, feed and keep a roof over my head and still found time to come to all of my little league games."
posted by Ad hominem at 12:00 PM on August 7, 2013

Well, it's pretty obvious the guy has mother/mommy issues.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:07 PM on August 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Wow, now it all makes sense.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:10 PM on August 7, 2013

Important variation on the kitty litter photo: here.
posted by felix grundy at 12:21 PM on August 7, 2013 [6 favorites]

ahaha in the video jason_steakums links, Danzig says "Some people don't even have evil" with the level of disgusted unbelief you or I might use when discussing the lack of basic health care and amenities in developing countries.
posted by felix grundy at 12:36 PM on August 7, 2013 [6 favorites]

the statement "I turned into a Martian" is a semantic absurdity, unless you were describing an automobile accident.

What if he studied really hard and passed his Martian citizenship test?
posted by Hoopo at 1:25 PM on August 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Doubtful, as he can't even recall his name.
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:11 PM on August 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

I read this while listening to my coffin box set. (I almost have to order it in bulk because people keep swiping my copies)
posted by tanuki.gao at 12:44 AM on August 8, 2013

It's really tragic that when The Misfits broke up, Danzig lost his sense of humor.

Nuts to that. I'll never believe that any man could write a line like "carve a hole in your distorted soul, I'm here to bang it" with a straight face.
posted by snottydick at 8:33 AM on August 8, 2013

You know, I just now realized that Misfits lyrics were way more about Glenn's misogyny than they were about horror movies. Still catchy.
posted by snottydick at 8:58 AM on August 8, 2013 [2 favorites]

Part of why I tend to prefer American Psycho is that the lyrics are generally less noxious.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:44 PM on August 8, 2013

Astro Zombies or Infidel Zombies? I love that if you didn't listen to the lyrics you could almost be merrily bopping along to The Dickies.
posted by Room 641-A at 11:57 AM on August 10, 2013

Pope Guilty: "As an added bonus, "Rat Fink" is actually a version of this classic "

By way of Allan Sherman.
posted by hydrophonic at 2:24 PM on August 11, 2013

Man, I'm glad I don't listen to the lyrics to songs.

(Except "I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch, you better think about it baby". It's kinda hard to not hear that part of the song, and it is wonderful)
posted by Bugbread at 3:03 PM on August 15, 2013

It's actually not too hard to make Misfits songs more socially acceptable.

Latitude! You get some fuckin' latitude!
You can't control the things you say to me, so you get latitude!

I know inside your brain it's all messed up as hell.
That's why you've got license to say whatever you will!

Latitude, what I give, I give some latitude!
I don't believe the things you say to me, so I give latitude!
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:56 AM on August 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

Danzig is exactly the asshole you'd think he is.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:30 PM on August 21, 2013

Danzig is exactly the asshole you'd think he is.

Because he doesn't like censorship and drone strikes? Maybe not the best example.
posted by snottydick at 7:59 AM on August 22, 2013

Danzig: My view on Democrats is that they're fascists disguised as liberals, or liberal moderates. You're not allowed to say anything that they don't agree with.

In my experience that means "why can't I say [slur]?"
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:17 AM on August 22, 2013

In my experience that means "why can't I say [slur]?"

I can see that. I don't think that's really what he's saying, but I can see where your interpretation is just as plausible as mine. Heaven knows he's got a somewhat ambiguous and dubious history on racial stuff. On the one hand, he seems to not be an outright racialist, but on the other hand...
posted by snottydick at 10:41 AM on August 22, 2013