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Dear Dylan
August 25, 2013 2:17 PM   Subscribe


 
I like this--thanks!
posted by box at 2:23 PM on August 25, 2013


All of which is to say — in a quite similar situation, a character played by Woody Allen was less neurotic than you’re being. Think on that.

I feel like this, by itself, is the answer to at least 75% of advice column questions.
posted by mstokes650 at 2:45 PM on August 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


I read this way too quickly and thought that Bob Dylan had an advice column.
posted by desjardins at 2:46 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Very insightful?
posted by kathrynm at 2:50 PM on August 25, 2013


Preferable to just being flat out wrong, this is at least going to be wrong with SCIENCE! (assuming all advice experts are wrong anyway).
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:07 PM on August 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh man, I've actually done that room auction thing before.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:12 PM on August 25, 2013


meh
posted by oddman at 3:15 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


BrotherCaine, I sense a story there. Please share. This is a safe place.
posted by reenum at 3:25 PM on August 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


As someone who routinely entertains algorithmic solutions to Things That Should Not Be Treated This Way, it was really fun to see someone so much more committed to the art. Also, that Maria Bamford clip in the second link was fantastic.
posted by Bobicus at 3:26 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nothing too exciting, just seemed like a fair way to divvy up rent. That being said, I did wind up in a single house with 9 people once, and someone bid cleaning services in lieu of rent against my advice. I told them the hyperbolic extreme of not having to pick up after oneself would be people crapping on the floor. It didn't get that bad, but it wasn't exactly a fun time for anyone by the time the lease was up.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:38 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is the best thing I have ever seen
posted by curuinor at 3:42 PM on August 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


"Emotions and crap aside" should be the name of the column.
posted by idiopath at 3:49 PM on August 25, 2013 [4 favorites]




Isn't the maximum value from an advice column (given the paucity of information and lack of context) derived from the venting out it allowed the advice seeker not from the advice received?

Is it optimum to use complicated decision making techniques for what is mostly an emotional outburst?

Can Dear Dylan help me check this?

On another thought: It might be fun to see the decision matrix being used for those "I slept with my best friend's spouse" problem. Perhaps Dylan could just copy paste the matrix.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 4:26 PM on August 25, 2013


This made my day.
posted by Bovine Love at 4:52 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


kliuless, I've read "Cryptonomicon" millions of times, and, among my friends who've also read it millions of times, a judiciously-deployed surprise "Cryptonomicon" quote is called a "cryptroll". You have cryptroll'd all of MeFi. Respect!

(My first thought on reading TFA was also Randy's grandmother's furniture.)
posted by kengraham at 5:01 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


This kind of thinking definitely has its limitations, but it's not all bad. Also using a decision matrix would be a HUGE improvement in way DTMFA threads usually seem to go in Ask.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 5:13 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can't wait til he employs a monte carlo solution to the age old question of "Do I look fat in this?" Sure, there is no right answer, but he can probably figure out the best answer to ensure the advice seeker isn't sleeping on the couch...
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:23 PM on August 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Emotions and crap aside, you should only get married if there are tax benefits from doing so,

Gold.
posted by Bonzai at 7:34 PM on August 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Erm, it's cute, but it kinda falls prey to the same limitations that other economic modelling does. ie the real world doesn't fit your model. Need a solution for your wedding seating plan? I totally have the answer for you as long as you do this thing that's totally impractical for any wedding situation.

Still, as a lark it's cool.
posted by dry white toast at 8:48 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Nash equilibrium bra thing was pretty fun.
posted by oceanjesse at 9:43 PM on August 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm still gobsmacked someone would consider the idea all of their gay friends should be sat together. Do their Asian friends also get put together at a single table?
posted by maxwelton at 11:03 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Birds of a gay feather must sit together?
posted by oceanjesse at 12:33 AM on August 26, 2013


They should just use the classic gay-straight-gay-straight-gay-straight seating pattern
posted by Bwithh at 1:08 AM on August 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


The first one I read suggests limiting wedding tables to only seat 4 people. Seriously... who has ever heard of or been to a wedding with such small tables?

If they can't make a go at solving the actual problem its a bit pathetic.
posted by mary8nne at 6:23 AM on August 26, 2013


It actually does not suggest limiting the tables to four people. (Okay, in the last sentence it kind of does, with "go with the chart.") But really, it is suggesting using a simplified version of the probem (4 person tables) to gain insight into the more abstract problem (would it be better to seat my gay friends together?) That answer could then be applied to the seating plan for any size of table.
posted by Nothing at 6:28 AM on August 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


The WP also has Carolyn Hax, so now they have two good advice columns.
posted by AnnElk at 7:06 AM on August 26, 2013


I can't wait til he employs a monte carlo solution to the age old question of "Do I look fat in this?" Sure, there is no right answer, but he can probably figure out the best answer to ensure the advice seeker isn't sleeping on the couch...

The best answer is a loud and lascivious Austin Powers impression

"Yeah Baby!"

Then make seductive googly eyes.

Make sure everyone in the store both sees and hears you.

You will only have to do this once.
posted by srboisvert at 7:31 AM on August 26, 2013


I read this way too quickly and thought that Bob Dylan had an advice column.

Same here, except I thought Dylan Moran.

Which I would so pay to see.
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:41 AM on August 26, 2013


I read this way too quickly and thought that Bob Dylan had an advice column.

Dear Bob: I have been married for 29 years and I'm having concerns about my husband. I'm not sure what to make of the fact that he is becoming effeminate. For many years he has shaved his underarms, legs, etc., to the point that he is completely hairless... -- Worried in Wisconsin*

Deeeee Wuhscaaaaaansuh,

Mreee hamma jam buhlaaaaaar! Muhreeeee buh duh vlaaaaaaaam slamma. Djuur duh rye waaaaaa fuh guh puhdammagrooooo.

*This was the actual first Dear Abby I could find.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:49 AM on August 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


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