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There are no Z-Rays
September 2, 2013 7:40 AM   Subscribe


 
I love the phrase "doorbell doctor."
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:41 AM on September 2, 2013


No Z rays? Crap.
posted by cccorlew at 7:43 AM on September 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


2010s version - "This insurance industry claimed to fund and support a health service...", "This politican promised to work for the nation's health", "This peer-reviewed journal said the papers it published were truly independent"

Ain't no Z rays.
posted by Devonian at 7:46 AM on September 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's easy to laugh at this and wonder who would be taken in by such quackery?

All kinds of people. Even really smart ones who should bloody well know better.

"Jobs’ postponement of surgery in favor of alternative means was a bizarre executive decision. “We talked about this a lot,” says the biographer. “He wanted to talk about it, how he regretted it. … I think he felt he should have been operated on sooner.”

"It has nothing of value that isn't in the food you buy at the supermarket" should be a required label - like the warning label on a pack of cigarettes - on all nutritional supplements.
posted by three blind mice at 7:51 AM on September 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


Still timely.

There is more quackery these days than ever. Just the other day I noticed a major national drugstore chain has huge ads for "Airborne" on the sides of its trucks. LOL.
posted by spitbull at 7:55 AM on September 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well Airborne contains Zinc, and Zinc can be good for your health. It's like pepper; you have to put it on your plate. Then you put the plate on your house, and since galvanized steel is non combustible, you're less likely to die in a house fire.
posted by Monday, stony Monday at 8:15 AM on September 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


I thought the title was a Futurama reference:
Shady Guy: Ah! Is X-ray eyes. See through anything.

Fry: Wait a minute! This says Z-ray.

Shady Guy: Z is just as good. In fact, is better. Is two more than X.
posted by cyberscythe at 8:24 AM on September 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Antiquackerist free market critics!
posted by R. Mutt at 8:49 AM on September 2, 2013


But Mitch is never wrong:

Xylophone is spelled with an X, that's wrong, xylophone's zzzz, X? I don't fuckin' see it. It should be a Z up front, next time you have to spell xylophone, use a Z. When someone says, "Hey that's wrong," say, "No it ain't. If you think that's wrong, you need to get your head Z-rayed."

(wish I could have found audio or video to link).
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 8:54 AM on September 2, 2013


At first I honestly thought this was a well-done modern-day imitation of a 1950s ad, because that "Z-rays" doohickey looked so much like something you might buy today. Only when the ad ended could I be sure the fourth wall wouldn't break.

At least nobody sells with Z-rays now. It's Q-rays.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:14 AM on September 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Silly quacks! Don't they know that if they want to get away with such silliness, they need to do it in the guise of a religion?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:28 AM on September 2, 2013


I was wondering why these magnets don't seem to be working. I'm obviously just not using enough of them. Kind of like Enzyte. I'm hung like a horse* now that I'm taking 48 pills a day.

* - A very small horse


posted by double block and bleed at 9:36 AM on September 2, 2013


While this is both a fascinating glimpse into the past and a wonderful idea which I'd love to see reborn, my favourite thing about the video is how much the guy sounds like Marvin the Martian when he says "there are no Z rays". Seriously, get a clear image of the little legionnaire dude in your head, then listen to that phrase again.
posted by metaBugs at 9:40 AM on September 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


...and I guess you all already know the story of the N-rays? Ties nicely into any discussion of people being drawn in to quackery.
posted by metaBugs at 9:50 AM on September 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just what do youse guys have against ducks, anyways?
posted by drhydro at 10:22 AM on September 2, 2013


In Santa Monica there is a very large homeopathic pharmacy. That itself is not surprising, but the rent alone must be at least $4-5K/month, maybe 3x that. It's been around forever, so I guess they're doing something nothing right.
posted by Room 641-A at 11:13 AM on September 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just what do youse guys have against ducks, anyways?

Yeah, one of them is spokescritter for a major insurance company. Aflac! Yeah, sure.
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:42 AM on September 2, 2013


In Santa Monica there is a very large homeopathic pharmacy. That itself is not surprising, but the rent alone must be at least $4-5K/month, maybe 3x that. It's been around forever, so I guess they're doing something nothing right.

Right because ALL homeopathy is bullshit, unlike everything the FDA dictates which is unbiased truth and not ever informed by lobbyists.

(and yeah I know a good deal of Homeopathy is probably bs)
posted by Liquidwolf at 12:07 PM on September 2, 2013


Substantially more than a "good deal" of homeopathy is bullshit.
posted by smidgen at 12:21 PM on September 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Z-Rays? Q-Rays? Pshaw!

What ever happened to good, old-fashioned Gamma Rays? Why, I treated myself with Gamma Rays for my psoriasis, and it cleared right up!

Now, my only problems are gigantism, dermatoverdism, and anger management.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:23 PM on September 2, 2013 [5 favorites]



Substantially more than a "good deal" of homeopathy is bullshit.


And is that link your proof of this?
posted by Liquidwolf at 12:39 PM on September 2, 2013


Homeopathy is not bullshit. It's water.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:45 PM on September 2, 2013 [14 favorites]


i accidentally read Room 641-A's comment as saying there was a homoerotic pharmacy in santa monica and i think i liked it better that way.

not to be confused with the homopathy clinic, where instead of glory holes in the bathroom you wash your hands in the same sink another dude once washed his and that's a hookup
posted by titus n. owl at 12:54 PM on September 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


And is that link your proof of this?

No. I was going to link to the randomized trials that show it to be an excellent placebo, but I decided that the homeopathy site was more appropriate because (a) it avoids useless argument about what homeopathy actually is (b) anyone reasonably canny can see how full of bullshit they really are, and (c) they put their "scientific" references up there for all to see if you want to dig further into the mire.

But, ok, here's a something a little bit more critical
posted by smidgen at 2:12 PM on September 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have it on good authority that the smaller the amount of wolf in a liquid the fiercer the wolf is. (I keed, I keed.)

Seriously, though, earlier this week a friend of mine and I more or less decided to start a partnership building class actions against current medical quacks. Particularly homeopaths who claim that their products have any actual medical affect, as they are not allowed to do under law.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:20 PM on September 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


"This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease."

Pretty much covers all manner of complete bullshit.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:30 PM on September 2, 2013


The markup on water and imperceptably tiny amounts of various materials is fucking fantastic, it'd make a Starbucks exec weak in the knees.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:25 PM on September 2, 2013


In Santa Monica there is a very large homeopathic pharmacy. That itself is not surprising, but the rent alone must be at least $4-5K/month, maybe 3x that. It's been around forever, so I guess they're doing something nothing right.

OBVIOUSLY, they're putting one one-millionth of their rent money in a bucket of water, which they then further dilute and send a bottle to their landlord.
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 3:27 PM on September 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


The millionths of industry chemicals all around everywhere woulda killed all of us if homeopathy actually worked. Also you could get drunk real cheap.
posted by yoHighness at 3:29 PM on September 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


"This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease."

Pretty much covers all manner of complete bullshit.


Indeed. And don't forget to put "Results not typical" in illegibly small type under all the sixpacks in the infomercial!
posted by Sys Rq at 3:38 PM on September 2, 2013


You have to be careful with homeopathy. One time I forgot to take my prescription, and I overdosed.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:25 PM on September 2, 2013 [10 favorites]


I successfully derailed the thread onto homeopathy. Please continue.
posted by Liquidwolf at 6:14 PM on September 2, 2013


If the ad in the fpp was made today it would be about homeopathy and chiropractory.
posted by Iax at 9:10 PM on September 2, 2013


Every time I hear some particularly crunchy dude reference "three letter government agencies," meaning NSA, FBI, CIA etc, I always feel hurt and think "but, but but...FDA! EPA! ...PBS?"
.
posted by GoingToShopping at 12:14 AM on September 3, 2013


Someone in my apartment complex keeps putting up flyers advertising a water ionizer as a cure-all for basically everything. I've been considering complaining to the FDA, but I can't find the flyer she put up that had the list of diseases it cured anymore (everything from peanut allergies to parkinson's disease)
posted by empath at 2:28 AM on September 3, 2013


I've actually noticed this new thing where homeopathic stuff actually HAS active ingredients in it. I was arguing with someone the other day about it, and looked at the ingredients of the thing he had in his house, and sure enough, it actually had a useful ingredient (and not diluted, from what I could tell), though I can't recall what it was now.

I was trying to explain that, well sure THIS one might work, but it's only because it's not actually homeopathic, and he was like "well now you're just playing games with words." I gave up then.
posted by empath at 2:32 AM on September 3, 2013


I successfully derailed the thread onto homeopathy. Please continue.

I'm not sure a thread about medical quackery turning into a discussion of homeopathy is "derailed". Diluted, perhaps, but certainly still on track.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:19 AM on September 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


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