But if you are happy, you shouldn’t congratulate yourself on your wise decision—you should be thankful for your good luck. Choosing to have a child involves a leap of faith, not a carefully calibrated rational choice. When surprising results surface about the dissatisfaction many parents experience, telling yourself that you knew it wouldn’t be that way for you is simply a rationalization.
they are on to us my tin brethren begin the purge now start with the childless ones they are selfish and will fight harder
How do you feel about your life now? What would you change or wish had been different?
I love living almost as well as I love writing.
It was tough trying to keep writing while bringing up three kids, but my husband was totally in it with me, and so it worked out fine. Le Guins' Rule: One person cannot do two fulltime jobs, but two persons can do three fulltime jobs — if they honestly share the work.
The idea that you need an ivory tower to write in, that if you have babies you can't have books, that artists are somehow exempt from the dirty work of life — rubbish.
Nothing selfish about living your life the way you want to.
"If you dig deep enough in most any attack on people going child-free, what freaks those commenters out is that most of the population growth won't be white.
Well for me, the thing that freaks me out the most is what is happening in Japan. I've absolutely no idea what you're reading, but 100% of the stuff I've read round the subject has been about coping with aging populations and hasn't even touched on the subject of race."
kimberussell: "Why don't you have kids?"
"Well, I had trouble with that through the years, and now that I'm just remarried and almost 41, I've closed the door on it."
"Have you tried Clomid/IVF/Fertility Tiki/Egg donor/adoption/relaxing/surrogacy? You know (insert 40-something celebrity with a phalanx of nannies & doctors) had her kid a year ago!"
"Over time I've come to grips with not having kids. I'm okay with it now."
"Then I guess you didn't really want one anyway."
You can't even be sad about IF (and I still get sad, especially Mother's Day and Christmas) anymore unless you've gone through the heroic (and super expensive) medical measures.
"The unbelievable vitriol that gets spat at people (women) who exercise their choice to have the number of children they want, same as the rest of us, except that number is zero? It amazes me."
"But surely there's a party of the second part to that broken social contract, isn't there? Children at one time, literally were, the future of our civilization. Now they are MY kids, MY problem, none of your damn business even though you're part of the village, too."
Are you saying that you should get a say in who has kids because maybe you believe certain people aren't capable of raising a child in a way that you would find adequate?
Or if you think someone is especially intelligent and financially secure you should try to convince them to procreate if they don't want to?
Or do you mean we, as a society, should place limits on how many children each family can have so that our resources are not depleted?
"These days, thing are different. People would stay within their fear zone, call the cops and the ambulance on me in order to keep their distance and I think there's something lost in the human experience with a culture that over mediates interpersonal experiences like that."
"When we make a decision that has a great impact on that society, a decision that is 100% ours to make, it seems disingenuous to say that we didn't sign up for any obligations to society in regards to that decision."
"Your god given right to own and control every aspect of your child's experiences"
"you(they) wouldn't understand" is a terribly lazy response (thought) in almost every situation I can think of. There is an implied judgement that child rearing is somehow unfathomable to the childless, which is more about justification than truth."
"if the kids are well-behaved, then this is true. if the kids are unruly, OTOH, then maybe the parent could stand a little advice. parents certainly have an obligation not to externalize the costs of their shitty parenting on to others."
>> You don't really have a choice about whether you want kids. You are hardwired to want kids
> This is backward understanding, you're wired to like sex and sexual stimulation
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