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September 13, 2013 1:02 PM

Ridiculous Indie Rock Band Photos

Although given there are some pics of well-known bands, I wouldn't call these all indie.

posted by Kitteh (89 comments total)

Please come to this week’s Story Slam! Topic: “My Unfinished Novel Won’t Write Itself!”


I-HEY!
posted by The Whelk at 1:04 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Not to be that guy who questions indie rock cred, but Soulja Boy?
posted by naju at 1:14 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

kids these days sure do like the old-timey bands, huh?
posted by Hoopo at 1:14 PM on September 13, 2013

Left wondering if the creators of this snarkfest intended to throw Lou Reed and Metallica in with everyone else, or just didn't have a clue. And, really, if you have to use something like "Pukulele"--I think it's strictly optional--don't apply it to Zooey and JGL. Just don't. Plenty of other deserving targets.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:15 PM on September 13, 2013 [6 favorites]

Some decently funny captions here. Most along the lines of "“Help, how do you use Levels in Photoshop?”
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:16 PM on September 13, 2013

Yeah pretty reasonable pic of First Aid Kit in there? Not exactly indie. On the other hand, leaving the fishing rods and the tent is a serious bummer.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:17 PM on September 13, 2013

Ridiculous Indie Rock All Band Photos

ftfy
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 1:19 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

Because they're friends of friends, I have to attend a concert tonight by a dual-ukelele band. This is like a little pre-show inoculation.

(Why yes, he does own just about every Apple device known to man and will tell you at length about the superiority of Helvetica to all other fonts.)
posted by kmz at 1:19 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

Man, references to fixed gear bikes, this american life, and brooklyn! pretty original stuff here folks!
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 1:20 PM on September 13, 2013 [22 favorites]

It is things like this that make me not want to do anything but hide inside so that blogs and mean people can't see me.
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 1:22 PM on September 13, 2013 [13 favorites]

I've always wondered what pose I'd go with if I were in a band getting photographed. Would I stare off into the middle distance like the shoot was no big deal? Would I look directly into the camera? And which facial expression would I go with: a) intense/tough, b) bemused, c) indifferent, d) curious, e) melancholy or f) sexy?
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:23 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

However I was happy to see Zoey and JOSEPH GORDON LEAVE IT in there getting their share of snark. Take it!
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 1:24 PM on September 13, 2013

kmz: "Because they're friends of friends, I have to attend a concert tonight by a dual-ukelele band. This is like a little pre-show inoculation. "

It's... it's... it's a ... dukelele show.
posted by boo_radley at 1:24 PM on September 13, 2013 [10 favorites]

I have to admit that "Come for our artisanal cheeses, stay for our six-pronged mandolin assault" made me laugh.

Also, I'm old enough to remember when every local alternative band in the '80s took photos pretty much exactly like these, just with less facial hair and more berets set on the backs of their heads.
posted by scody at 1:25 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

Some of the pictures are not that bad at all. Many of the captioned "comedy" bits are.
posted by zardoz at 1:25 PM on September 13, 2013 [12 favorites]

I think, “Come to our show mutherfuckers! We’re $30 away from getting Køng his own leather jacket!” is my favorite so far.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 1:25 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

All praise! I am not in any of those pictures! (I swear it!)
posted by Golem XIV at 1:26 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Fuuuuuck, now I have to start a band just so I can name it Six-Pronged Mandolin Assault. >.<
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 1:26 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Mine is definitely: "No, it’s cool Bethany, you just keep dancing and I’ll just keep looking for your fucking car keys.”
posted by Kitteh at 1:26 PM on September 13, 2013 [21 favorites]

I liked “Are you there God? It’s me… trying to look like you.”
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:27 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]

I liked the simplicity and effectiveness of "Hear Ye! Hear Ye! We Suck!"

Mostly it gets better further in though, a bunch of stuff at the beginning wasn't so funny
posted by Hoopo at 1:28 PM on September 13, 2013

Back in the day, Rock and Roll Confidential used to have their Daily Douchebag, where they did a similar thing with bad band photos, most of which had brick walls or train tracks. Sometimes both.

Poor Jeremy.
posted by bondcliff at 1:30 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]

Is this where I come asking for those photos of Radiohead that I lost on my old harddisk? The ones where they had to pose and pout in front of the camera because they were just another indie band. Thom Yorke had bleached hair, wore eyeliner and a black see-through shirt (c'mon, it was the 90s) and Jonny may have worn a red satin number. Every time I see something about awful band photos I hope somehow those Radiohead photos are included. They are awful, awful in their "we don't give a shit about your artistic leanings - slut it up for the camera so the young girls go out and buy Pablo Honey". Far worse than most of the photos featured here because these are just generic artsy and hipstery with nary a red satin blouse in sight.
posted by kariebookish at 1:30 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Haha those two actors that sing really twee songs all slow and shit. I been hating on them since forever!

Thanks website, I feel totally vindicated as well as good about myself because although I have a beard, scraggly hair, and live in the greater New York metropolitan area I do not play some lame instrument or try to be creative in any way.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:30 PM on September 13, 2013

Gloom Cupcakes sounds like an awesome idea for a goth-themed pastry shop.
posted by The Whelk at 1:35 PM on September 13, 2013 [4 favorites]

I think that was the joke...
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 1:37 PM on September 13, 2013

It takes a special kind of hipster to make fun of hipsters.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:37 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]

Man...Some of those bands have more people on stage than a Parliament/Funkadelic show. And, what's with everyone dressed like they're partying like it's 1869?
posted by Thorzdad at 1:38 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Dear The Light Of The Moon Above The Canyon Beams,

You have expressed an interest in having your band's photos taken by Fancy Jack's Photo Studio. Please complete the following worksheet so that we may better serve you.

SETTING
[]Grassy field
[]Urban back alley
[]Wall in someone's loft

GAZE
[]At camera
[]At one another
[]The distance

OUTFITS
[]Grunge revival
[]Leather
[]Cardigans
[]Fleetwood Mac ca. Rumours

CAMERA FOCUS
[]Yes
[]No

GLASSES
[]Horn-rim
[]Browline horn-rim
[]Round horn-rim
[]Wayfarers

FACIAL HAIR
[]Kempt but whimsical
[]Unkempt

Thank you.
posted by griphus at 1:38 PM on September 13, 2013 [35 favorites]

Man, references to fixed gear bikes, this american life, and brooklyn! pretty original stuff here folks!

Yea, why did someone try and revive LATFH? they already got their book deal and burned out.
posted by emptythought at 1:38 PM on September 13, 2013

The Lou Reed photo is hilarious. I can take or leave the caption.

Is he wearing shorts?
posted by mr_roboto at 1:42 PM on September 13, 2013

I don't like sites like this. Someone is out there doing something, and someone else needs to piss on it. If I started the same site but focused on school teachers would the link stand?
posted by cjorgensen at 1:44 PM on September 13, 2013 [11 favorites]

Back in the day, Rock and Roll Confidential used to have their Daily Douchebag, where they did a similar thing with bad band photos, most of which had brick walls or train tracks. Sometimes both.

Still online. I knew this reminded me of something.
posted by camcgee at 1:47 PM on September 13, 2013

I am not too proud to admit that "Listen pal, I don’t care who your father was…" took me a second.
posted by MrBadExample at 1:47 PM on September 13, 2013

You all think those dudes and lady-dudes look pretentious and glum? Check out these mopey mop-heads! One guy's put on a picnic table cloth as a necktie, and two of the others are wearing spaghetti Western–style cowboy hats, no doubt as symbols of their individuality and their belief in personal freedom (the fourth band member just looks like he wants to go home).
posted by Doktor Zed at 1:51 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

It puzzles me that people still churn out this turgid dreck on a Rule 34 scale. Dear anyone who thinks shitty snark is funny or clever: No.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 1:51 PM on September 13, 2013 [4 favorites]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON THE LENS
[]Gold leaf
[]Shmutz
[]Smegma
[]Schmiegel
[]pAiN
[]IDK
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:52 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

If I started the same site but focused on school teachers would the link stand?

I'm not sure how that's a fair comparison seeing as how teachers aren't routinely paying photographers to have themed photos of themselves taken explicitly for public consumption.

I think a better question is if someone put up a similar thing with black metal or glam band photos which are, what, like 10% more ridiculous than a bunch of dudes dressed like Boardwalk Empire not smiling at the camera?
posted by griphus at 1:56 PM on September 13, 2013

"I bet she could try a little harder to get noticed. Knee cymbals?"

Yeah, performer. Blend in, smile politely (but keep that enthusiasm in check, you're a professional for chrissakes) and don't even THINK about enjoying yourself. What, do you think this show is about you or something?

And by god if your music or image doesn't appeal to every one of my personal preferences, I promise you my withering criticism will get so many reblogs your head will spin.
posted by jason_steakums at 1:58 PM on September 13, 2013 [4 favorites]

Guyyyyz stop picking on Metallica and Lou Reed its just mean and ur just jealous
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:58 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

I enjoyed this very much.
posted by shockingbluamp at 1:59 PM on September 13, 2013

"The Glumdrops" suckerpunched my funnybone. Haw.
posted by sidereal at 2:05 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

One of the sadder moments in my freelancing career was getting all hyped up about a Rock and Roll Confidential relaunch that never happened.

(Pretty much the only good band photos are of the band playing.)
posted by klangklangston at 2:06 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

You could caption, like, 90% of these "What hath Michael Stipe wrought?" and call it a day.
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:07 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

OUTFITS
[]Grunge revival
[]Leather
[]Cardigans

When I read "Cardigans", my Gen X brain went straight to this. (More outfits like that in rock, please.)
posted by mykescipark at 2:07 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Dear anyone who thinks shitty snark is funny or clever: No.

This is like a ouroboros made of words
posted by Hoopo at 2:21 PM on September 13, 2013 [17 favorites]

Is there some official channel I can petition to get my user name changed to "Kempt but whimsical"?
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 2:27 PM on September 13, 2013

Hating on Alabama Shakes? I'm afraid that is not something I can approve of.
posted by tommasz at 2:29 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

These basically just make me sympathetic to bands and their photographers. Because coming up with a band photo that's not just boring is really hard. Some of the sarcastic captions are funny, but a lot of them just come across as "Haha, look at them, they tried to convey X in their photo and it worked".
posted by aubilenon at 2:32 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

> I've always wondered what pose I'd go with if I were in a band getting photographed.

The odds of taking a non-mockable band photo is roughly equal to the odds of having a birth name that your grade school classmates couldn't make fun of.
posted by ardgedee at 2:48 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]

“Are you there God? It’s me… trying to look like you.”

That is the most perfect caption for Iron & Wine.
posted by maryr at 2:50 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Gloom City Cupcakes would be a goth cupcake store in Cap Hill in Seattle (not Ballard that's too nouveau hipster) and I would go there all the time.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 2:51 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

It takes a special kind of hipster to make fun of hipsters.

Hipster Halloween costume.
posted by maryr at 2:54 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

Gave up relatively quickly on the captions, which were sometimes funny but often kind of forced.

What struck me is:

Why can your band contain almost any number of men (60%+ bearded), but the number of women seems to be fixed between 0 and 1?
posted by Scattercat at 2:55 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Halfway though I was worried I'd see my own face there somewhere. Band photos can be hard, especially if you're trying to look serious, which is why when I do them now I tend to incorporate alcohol and cigarettes, cos that's what I get serious about.
posted by l2p at 2:56 PM on September 13, 2013

I don't get why it's not okay to make fun of bands in America. In England, that's like all they do (judging from their music mags anyway).
posted by Jess the Mess at 3:19 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

I am part of a comedy rock act. Part of our schtick is that we don't want the characters to be obviously ridiculous. We soon found with rock fashion and rock photography that there is no way to avoid looking obviously ridiculous. So we decided to approach ridiculous fashion and photography with absolute, complete seriousness and commitment.

With a band photo, you're typically taking the band out of the context of playing. Almost any one of these photos could just be a bunch of people who don't play music posing for a portrait. Its artificial, the band members are uncomfortable and its going to look at least a little forced and silly.

The best pictures of my fake rock band are ones where we're full out performing. The second best are the candid shots of us in our silly costumes. The worst are posed portraits. Its just the nature of things.

In conclusion, we should mock these photos. They invite it. I imagine the bands in the photos have said many of the same things that the blog writer is saying about them, but probably with more wit.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:32 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

Hating on Alabama Shakes? I'm afraid that is not something I can approve of.

But hating on that particluar picture of Alabama Shakes -- I approve.

Brittany Howard looks like she's dressed as The Shoplifter from Mrs. Reynold's second-grade drama class production, "Stealing Is Wrong".
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:34 PM on September 13, 2013

"Band photos can be hard, especially if you're trying to look serious, which is why when I do them now I tend to incorporate alcohol and cigarettes, cos that's what I get serious about."

Yeah, again, any shot that's not about people performing in a way that looks like it would be fun to see is going to make your band look pretentious or obnoxious. (Even still, you can fuck it up.)

Add to that the fact that most of these photos are essentially student-quality, like, hey we had our undergrad buddy knock this up cuz he's got a 5d, and you've got a recipe for double plus terrible.

(I used to be a local rock columnist. You see about this many photos of this quality every month. Mocking them is the only way to stay sane.)
posted by klangklangston at 3:43 PM on September 13, 2013

Is this where I come asking for those photos of Radiohead that I lost on my old harddisk?

I loved those photos! Partly because The Bends era Radiohead is my favorite flavor of Radiohead, and partly because I was thirteen when I discovered Radiohead.

I also found this while I was digging around.
posted by byanyothername at 3:48 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]

The pictures and some of the captions were good fun, but at my age, the thing that made me laugh hardest was the picture of Burt Convy in the website logo. :-)
posted by dorkydancer at 4:03 PM on September 13, 2013

I was so not enjoying these, gave up, read a little of this thread, went back, and “Your move, Bonnie Prince Billy!” made me laugh. So good one, internet snarky person from fifteen years ago.

I am not too proud to admit that "Listen pal, I don’t care who your father was…" took me a second.

I'm still not getting it.
posted by hydrophonic at 4:21 PM on September 13, 2013

Not Gloom Cupcakes, but close.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 4:31 PM on September 13, 2013

Dig the Architecture In Helsinki one (from their daggy-80s-FM-radio period).
posted by acb at 4:32 PM on September 13, 2013

I am not too proud to admit that "Listen pal, I don’t care who your father was…" took me a second.

I'm still not getting it.

Hint: His dad is one of the mopey mop-heads mentioned above.
posted by like_a_friend at 4:32 PM on September 13, 2013

More general bad band photos:

The 50 Worst Band Photos Ever [some sidebar images NSFW]

Rock and Roll Confidential: Hall of Douchebags [lots of mockery here, but too many images to tell if any are NSFW]
posted by mosk at 4:34 PM on September 13, 2013

Beards and ukuleles are what's left behind as the steampunk wave recedes.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:35 PM on September 13, 2013 [6 favorites]

These all look like people I know.
posted by broken wheelchair at 4:42 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Related: Terrible Improv Group Photos Coupled With Terrible Names

More
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:47 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

It's completely possible to avoid looking this ridiculous when being photographed with your band. Just don't be doing something ridiculous. Be yourselves. It works. It actually honestly works.
posted by blue t-shirt at 4:57 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

I clicked on a few of these band's links, and I liked their music.

There seems to be a bit of snark judging people by their looks, of which none of us are completely innocent, but oh well.
posted by ovvl at 5:00 PM on September 13, 2013

Could be renamed "An Endless Series Of Vaguely Pissed People Staring At You."
posted by JHarris at 5:08 PM on September 13, 2013

Why do you haaaaaate indie music soooo muuuuuuch?

djangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedy

It's just what the young people are listening to noooooow

djangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedy

And besides, secretly you know it's kind of fuuuuuun

djangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedyjangedy
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:48 PM on September 13, 2013

Let's start a website that take things like this and adds snarky comments about the snarky comments.

Welcome to gloom-city cupcakes? More like, welcome to living in your mom's basement after dropping out of a liberal arts college.
posted by munchingzombie at 6:17 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Brittany Howard looks like she's dressed as The Shoplifter from Mrs. Reynold's second-grade drama class production, "Stealing Is Wrong".

And if anybody knows about stealing, it's Our Mrs. Reynolds.
posted by maryr at 6:28 PM on September 13, 2013

I would totally watch a show called "Hipster House Flipsters".
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:08 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

I taught the singer for a band on one of these lists to knit.

Not saying who.
posted by pxe2000 at 7:20 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

The odds of taking a non-mockable band photo is roughly equal to the odds of having a birth name that your grade school classmates couldn't make fun of.

Hmm. Aart, Bart, Cart, Dart, E-art. No problems here!
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:25 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

One of the sadder moments in my freelancing career was getting all hyped up about a Rock and Roll Confidential relaunch that never happened.

x2 ::sniff:::sniff:::
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:48 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

I am not too proud to admit that "Listen pal, I don’t care who your father was…" took me a second.

I'm still not getting it.

The guy in the bowler sort of resembles Arlo Guthrie.
posted by MrBadExample at 1:05 AM on September 14, 2013

Man With Website Hates Everything, Alerts Internet
posted by Mike Smith at 1:07 AM on September 14, 2013

It's Sean Lennon
posted by pxe2000 at 6:10 AM on September 14, 2013

MetaFilter (at times): “Is that our sense of humor on the floor?” “Yes dear, but don’t pick it up. We have no use for it.”
posted by wensink at 7:14 AM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

It can't just be me getting old is it?

I'm supposed to say that the advent of digital photography has diluted the art. Then you see horrible shots from actual film and you wonder if the art hasn't always been diluted and that the superfluity of digital photography is just making it obvious.
posted by Sphinx at 7:42 AM on September 14, 2013

Gloom City Cupcakes
posted by The otter lady at 8:18 AM on September 14, 2013

It's Sean Lennon

Huh. You learn something new every day.

"Alice's Restaurant" references are still funnier than anything he could have going on.
posted by MrBadExample at 11:30 AM on September 14, 2013

Not even finding the ridiculous ones ridiculous. Has this person never seen album covers before?
posted by glasseyes at 3:10 PM on September 14, 2013

Yeah, The Band did have a great look.
posted by bongo_x at 9:31 PM on September 14, 2013

Oh shit are IR photos now ridiculous?
posted by aubilenon at 1:26 AM on September 15, 2013