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This is exactly why I often get really good service
September 18, 2013 6:17 AM   Subscribe

Before we go any further, I just want to point out that this bear is literally 75% off. I mean, unless you have the body of the headless bear in the back.
posted by still_wears_a_hat (77 comments total) 57 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is the most delightful thing I've seen on the internet in weeks. :D
posted by Jacqueline at 6:25 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Is this the same lady that bought Beyonce, the Giant Metal Chicken? It is, innit?
posted by brokkr at 6:27 AM on September 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


Yes, same lady.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:29 AM on September 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


I love this kind of thing. I bought one of those ultra cheesy horse's head masks like you see all over Reddit and meme sites, and I've taken great delight in shooting with it in studios and on sets all over town. Such fun, and the looks you get while you're doing it are always phenomenal.
posted by nevercalm at 6:34 AM on September 18, 2013


Really enjoyed reading that. Fabulously hysterical. :)
posted by Ravneson at 6:34 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


at first I was like :-/

but then i was like 8D because i was that bear
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:35 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


If blogging is a new art medium, the Bloggess is the first Rembrandt.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:37 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


I am going to send links to this lady's blog posts to my husband so my own antics seem better in comparison.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:37 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


I don't think that's a real bear head.
posted by rikschell at 6:40 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is really, really awesome.

My previous favorite in the genre of "blogger torments SO with surprise taxidermy" was Put a Bird On It from The Brick House, but this really takes the genre to a whole new level.
posted by pie ninja at 6:42 AM on September 18, 2013


Got a toothache from the writing style
posted by MangyCarface at 6:43 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


Just the phrase "this bear is literally 75% off" was enough to identify the writer as the Bloggess to me.

I'm not sure what that says about me, or about the Bloggess. But it definitely says something.
posted by ook at 6:43 AM on September 18, 2013 [10 favorites]


rikschell, you are amazingly correct. I know this because I RTFA.

I was sort of like MangyCarface at first, but then I realized that I kinda talk like this on chat some times, so, I really can't judge, and it is actually quite good writing, so, I should just shut up and let the me that appreciates such things actually do it's work for once instead of letting the cynic be such a hater.
posted by symbioid at 6:45 AM on September 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


I was warmly chuckling at it all until the picture of the bear in the window, and that's when I lost it.
posted by xingcat at 6:49 AM on September 18, 2013 [12 favorites]


The Bloggess is one of the best bloggers of the ever. I lost it at Beartrum.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:52 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love it. Also, I love the cats crawling all over it.

My brother once came into posession of a stuffed deer's head. It became the BEST THING EVER for his two labradors. Normally the deer head lived in a closet, but then sometimes he'd take it out and scream at the top of his lungs while waving it at the dogs, who proceeded to become FERAL CRAZY LABRADORS leaping and clawing and barking and generally creating a great cacophony.

Eventually, the deer head was just too beat up to keep - a combination of age and the dog claws and such. And so he took it to the town dump and tossed it in with the rest of the trash and then some guy next to him who was also disposing of trash said "wow, that's pretty beat up" and my brother said "well, good head is hard to find."
posted by rmd1023 at 6:53 AM on September 18, 2013 [28 favorites]


I thought the picture was funny but the writing style was so "OMG you guys I am SO quirky and funny can you BELIEVE me??" "Whatever will I get into next?"
posted by sweetkid at 6:57 AM on September 18, 2013 [13 favorites]


Manic Pixie Dreamgirl is adorable. Film at Eleven.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:58 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


Manic Pixie Dreamgirl is adorable. Film at Eleven.

This particular person got a book deal so she maybe isn't such the stereotypical manic pixie dream girl and maybe there's a bit more to her.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:00 AM on September 18, 2013 [15 favorites]


She's definitely more than the stereotypical MPDG but i'm not sure "book deal" is the best evidence for that
posted by ook at 7:02 AM on September 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


Manic Pixie Dreamgirl is adorable. Film at Eleven.
posted by Ruthless Bunny


Read the post. Opened the thread. Ctrl+F -m-a-n-i. Yup.
posted by onehalfjunco at 7:02 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


And the book debuted at #1 on the NYTimes Bestseller List. In the great circle jerk of bloggers, she definitely has her own voice and does her own thing, which I admire.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:03 AM on September 18, 2013 [9 favorites]


I enjoyed the Old Man Murray-rushed-ness of it.

And the bear pix.

Her house and yard certainly are spic-n-span.
posted by notyou at 7:05 AM on September 18, 2013


In addition to being really funny, the Bloggess has been pretty great about frankly discussing her mental health issues. I think she's a force for good in the world.
posted by Area Man at 7:06 AM on September 18, 2013 [33 favorites]


the writing style was so "OMG you guys I am SO quirky and funny can you BELIEVE me??"

But then, she actually is quirky and funny, so it seems earned. And the "funny" isn't "oh, God, look at the crrrrazy shit I'm doing" but actual wit (the little side bar on the cat doing yoga was hilarious). But, you know, nobody has to read it if they don't like it, and humor is always very hit-or-miss depending on your particular sensibilities.
posted by yoink at 7:11 AM on September 18, 2013 [17 favorites]


"Ferris Mewler"?

Effing brilliant.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 7:14 AM on September 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


Manic Pixie Dreamgirl is adorable. Film at Eleven.

Is it Breakfast at Tiffany's? I love (most of) that one.
posted by griphus at 7:15 AM on September 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


She uses her husband as straight man and foil, just like Erma Bombeck. Who, I suppose, borrowed it from Lucille Ball. It's a venerable tradition.

I still want to see a picture of that pony chandelier though.
posted by emjaybee at 7:18 AM on September 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


This is where I lost it:
me: Rowr-rowr-rowr.

Victor: What?

me: OHMYGOD, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!

Victor: WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

me: He likes to wander at night. I think he might have narcolepsy.
Hilarious. Love the Bloggess. Thanks so much for posting this.
posted by zarq at 7:19 AM on September 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


I can't put my finger on it, but Bloggess inspires a feeling in me of CAN WE BE FRIENDS? PLEASE? because then I'd get to go on crazy adventures featuring quarters of bears and giant metal chickens but then at the end of the day I can also go home to my bear-quarter-, metal-chicken-free apartment.

But possibly not pony-chandelier-free because goddamn I need a new chandelier and that sounds like a winner.
posted by griphus at 7:23 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


brokkr: "Is this the same lady that bought Beyonce, the Giant Metal Chicken? It is, innit?"

Yup.
posted by zarq at 7:25 AM on September 18, 2013


ThePinkSuperhero: "Yes, same lady."

That article is quite possibly the best thing in the world to quote out of context:
Beyoncé was surprisingly unstable, and the giant 5 foot metal chicken crashed over onto the floor.
posted by schmod at 7:31 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Also, this is not the first time she's bought a big taxidermied animal head. Only last time, she turned that weird purchase into a campaign which raised $42K for charity.
Quick note for anyone who hasn’t been here forever. James Garfield is what I named the giant, tattered, taxidermied head of a wild boar that I made my husband buy at an estate sale last year because James Garfield looked SO DAMN HAPPY.  Then every time Victor would walk in my office he’d huff that he couldn’t believe I’d spent $90 on James Garfield so I decided to make back the money to get Victor to shut up so I offered on my blog to make homemade Christmas Cards with James Garfield’s face on them saying things like “OH IT JUST GOT ALL KINDS OF MOTHERFUCKIN’ FESTIVE IN HERE, Y’ALL” for $10 each.  I made back the $90 and made so much extra that I got carpal tunnel and was able to donate a few hundred dollars to a fellow blogger recovering from a stroke.  She wasn’t doing well at the time but now she’s kicking as much ass as you can from a wheelchair (which is a shitload, apparently).  Probably due to the James Garfield cards if I had to give my professional medical opinion.  MIRACLE NUMBER ONE.

Then this year people asked for James Garfield cards but I was too tired to make them so I just put them on zazzle and I was shocked to find that $600 of cards were sold so Victor and I decided that since we were so lucky this year we’d give $30 gift certificates to the first 20 people who left a comment saying they needed help getting Christmas for their children.  When more requests flooded in a reader stepped up and offered to help the 21st person and then another and another and then it avalanched into hundred of strangers sending hundreds of strangers over $42,000 in toys, food, car seats and more.    MIRACLE NUMBER TWO.
The Bloggess is seriously awesome.
posted by zarq at 7:31 AM on September 18, 2013 [25 favorites]


Until it got to the pictures I remained under the impression that the bear's head was in fact a lamp or light fitting of some kind.

In fact it seems to be one of these.
posted by Segundus at 7:33 AM on September 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Alright, Beartrums is charming, but why don't I ever get to see a picture of the "$8,000 crystal chandelier in the shape of a leaping, life-sized, cavorting pony"? I really wanted to see the sparklepony light fixture.
posted by gladly at 7:43 AM on September 18, 2013


Is it Breakfast at Tiffany's? I love (most of) that one.

Y'know, I think I remember the film. I kinda liked it.
posted by maryr at 7:44 AM on September 18, 2013 [28 favorites]


Well, that's one thing we've got.
posted by griphus at 7:47 AM on September 18, 2013 [30 favorites]


griphus, you are a monster.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:20 AM on September 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


Segundus: "In fact it seems to be one of these."
See, it even says so right there on the website! It would even look fabulous in your own home.
posted by brokkr at 8:28 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


That bear is no Jefferson Peabody, that's for certain...
posted by Windopaene at 8:35 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think the cats are trying to heal the bear head by laying on of paws.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:38 AM on September 18, 2013 [7 favorites]


I too found the notion of a sparklepony light fixture amusing.
posted by jeffburdges at 8:48 AM on September 18, 2013


you know what I've been having a really long week so far as part of a long month and

a) sparklepony lamp fixture

b) teddy bear's picnic

so c) students in the library just actively shushed me in my office because I was laughing too hard
posted by jetlagaddict at 9:01 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I want antics too.
posted by aramaic at 9:07 AM on September 18, 2013


Horse Chandelier
posted by emilyw at 9:12 AM on September 18, 2013 [10 favorites]


Horse Chandelier



They...they should have sent a poet.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:26 AM on September 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


emilyw, I bow to your skills. I tried and failed to find the Luxuriant Crystal Chandelier with 16 Lights in 3D Horse Shape. WOW.
posted by 41swans at 9:30 AM on September 18, 2013


And it's on aliexpress, so good news if we buy them in bulk (we all want one, right? just so we're clear on that?) we'll probably get a discount. Just make sure to pay the extra $1.98 for shipping via China Post.
posted by phunniemee at 9:33 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


OMG, pony chandelier in action.
posted by phunniemee at 9:34 AM on September 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


I live in an 860 square foot home, yet I find myself staring at the horse chandelier with a strange sense of longing. Surely I don't really need two bedrooms for three people, right? One of them could become the horse chandelier room, and my partner can take the sofa, and the kid and I can share a room?

Or I could sleep with the horse chandelier and fall asleep lovingly running my my fingers through its beautiful, sparkly array of lights. I hope it doesn't snore.
posted by MeghanC at 9:35 AM on September 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


More pony chandelier.
posted by phunniemee at 9:38 AM on September 18, 2013


I also lost it at the bear poking his head out of the corner of the window.

The Bloggess is an amazing woman and if I ever need to find a home my grandfather's masterwork, a stuffed porcupine holding a beer can, she is the only person I would consider selling him to.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:43 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


I love that MetaFilter's reaction to this article was, "MUST FIND PONY CHANDELIER!"
posted by straight at 9:45 AM on September 18, 2013 [10 favorites]


The true scale of the pony chandelier.

Jaysuz.

I have never really wanted to be rich before, but now I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be if I could commission a few of these. Like maybe a stegosaurus and a giant dachshund.

On preview: An enormous stuffed porcupine holding a beer can would also be a worthy subject for a huge, fuck-off crystal chandelier.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:45 AM on September 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


At that scale it is oddly reminiscent of Blue Mustang.

And like Blue Mustang, I assume that it will kill anyone who claims it as their own.
posted by griphus at 9:47 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read that last night and laughed so hard I was crying. Ferris Mewler's, um, "yoga" and the "Teddy Bear Picnic" were what did me in, too.
posted by jaguar at 10:21 AM on September 18, 2013


If you need anybody to throw cold water on this and tell you that no, it isn't amusing just really fucking irritating, I'll just be over there.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:25 AM on September 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


My coworking space needs that bear head really, really badly. Actually, all offices should have a random voracious carnivore head mounted on the ceiling above every desk. Need inspiration? Just look up.

Totally hilarious post, thanks!!
posted by rouftop at 10:26 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


At that scale it is oddly reminiscent of Blue Mustang.

And like Blue Mustang, I assume that it will kill anyone who claims it as their own.


Blue Mustang? The correct name is Bluecifer.

Got to love that the last thing people see as they come into the Denver airport is a giant blue horse with glowing red eyes. I always thought it was trying to saw "You better come back, OR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR SOUL!"
posted by sideshow at 10:53 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wait, that's a real thing? Srsly thought I was just jet lagged
posted by ook at 11:30 AM on September 18, 2013


Also no one is kidding when they say it will kill you.
posted by griphus at 11:44 AM on September 18, 2013


Great post - I love this sort of stuff!
posted by livewire at 11:49 AM on September 18, 2013


I don't think that's a real bear head.

For Victor, I'm sure there is much more to bear, ahead.

And this, after the giant chicken? Perhaps I needs must bookmark the Bloggess for occasional check in.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:54 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Ah, the statue itself finally checks in!
posted by maryr at 12:00 PM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Love the Bloggess. I had to get the towel set after I read about them on her blog during the whole Beyonce bit.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 12:04 PM on September 18, 2013


Well, this clearly ups the ante for those of us who thought an Archie McPhee Horse Head Mask was enough. I suspect somebody at Archie's is frantically trying to acquire Bear Heads of some kind before Halloween.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:12 PM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Driving my sister to the airport, and I spotted a young person carrying a mounted deer head to the curb. We had time, sort of, so I immediately pulled over, verified that this nice 6 point buck was offered for free, and put it in the back of the SUVini. A mounted deer head with antlers is bigger than you think. My sister was mildly amused, and we took airport pics with the deer, as well as my dog, who was intrigued. I drove around with the deer for quite a while. It gets some attention. I really wished my house was big enough for a mounted deer head, especially in the bathroom for towels, or as an alternative to a Christmas tree. But it didn't fit anywhere, and I didn't want to remove 2 bookcases to make room for a deer head.

I didn't name it, and I wish I'd thought to haul it around and take stupid pictures.

I posted it for free, and was mobbed with responses, for months, actually. It's entertaining to get email asking "Still got that deer head?" I met the new owner at Starbucks (I wasn't carrying, don't know about her) and I handed it over. They're worth some money, but that wouldn't have felt right.

The bloggess is hilarious; I hope she keeps writing for a long time.
posted by Mom at 12:18 PM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm sure, what she doesn't tell us, is that everything involving Beartrum unfolded over a matter of months. I'm pretty sure I spot snow in the window photo.

Fantastic stuffs.
posted by Atreides at 12:40 PM on September 18, 2013


She needs to meet Zoe.
posted by plinth at 1:09 PM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I believe The Bloggess lives in Texas, so it probably isn't snow. I think it is pavement.
posted by maryr at 1:59 PM on September 18, 2013


I laughed so hard that well it's good that i really didn't need to pee at the time
posted by angrycat at 2:08 PM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


At first I thought that the bear being 75% off meant that it was a very inaccurate bear.
posted by WalkingAround at 9:50 PM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I adore Jenny Lawson. She is open and honest about depression, suicidality and mental health, eating disorder and her sexuality. She is also generous, kind, and encourages others to be as well.

I would hate to be pigeon-holed as a manic-pixie by people who don't RTFB as if I was a one-dimensional character despite spending an inordinate amount of time revealing how 3 dimensional I was.

Step off haters.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:25 AM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


I RTFB and didn't like the cutesy framing of this post (on the blog, not the MeFi post). I'm glad she donates to charity and is open about her depression. That's awesome.

Different opinions about the post topic are OK in a thread. It's OK to like her, but personalizing others' dislike of this article isn't really a fair way to engage.
posted by sweetkid at 7:31 AM on September 19, 2013


personalizing others' dislike of this article isn't really a fair way to engage

Given the prevalence of mindless scorn on the internet, it's I suspect reasonably common to confuse genuinely reasoned personal dislike with random mindless scorn, to the detriment of all.

Humans enjoy jumping to conclusions. It's unfortunate, but it's also why we are what we are.
posted by aramaic at 8:05 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bloggess and Mimi Smartypants best reasons to read the web...
posted by judson at 8:15 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


How had I forgotten about Mimi Smartypants?!
posted by palomar at 7:11 PM on September 19, 2013


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