TPS: Tuna Pickle Sandwich
September 19, 2013 5:16 PM Subscribe
sad desk lunch "Soon it will be the weekend, the salsa murmured into your ear"
Hello, I am Phil from Liverpool and this is my lunch. It consists of Low Fat Super Noodles with out-of-date HP Sauce and a slice of stale, dry bread. . .
Oh God would somebody in the UK please stop by and take Phil to lunch one weekday. That one's breaking my heart.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:21 PM on September 19, 2013 [12 favorites]
Oh God would somebody in the UK please stop by and take Phil to lunch one weekday. That one's breaking my heart.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:21 PM on September 19, 2013 [12 favorites]
My lunch today was a tupperware container of pond scum-looking vegetable juice. Sad indeed. I'll have to send that in.
posted by brundlefly at 5:22 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by brundlefly at 5:22 PM on September 19, 2013
As long as it doesn't come in a microwaveable cardboard box, you're doing OK.
posted by Atom Eyes at 5:23 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by Atom Eyes at 5:23 PM on September 19, 2013
I eat at my desk because I hate all my coworkers and don't want to talk about American Idol.
Also, my leftovers are delicious.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:23 PM on September 19, 2013 [11 favorites]
Also, my leftovers are delicious.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:23 PM on September 19, 2013 [11 favorites]
I'm really disturbed by the one person who appears to be having a jug of gravy for lunch.
posted by elizardbits at 5:29 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by elizardbits at 5:29 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Pro Tip: eating canned soup for lunch is delicious, mostly because Salt Bomb, but this is not good for your cardiac health.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 5:33 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by Short Attention Sp at 5:33 PM on September 19, 2013
The Trader Joe's microwaveable box vaguely Asian noodles actually make pretty good sad desk lunches. They're filling and tasty, but then that's because they're full of sodium and calories, plus the Kung Pao noodles made people complain at my office.
The desk lunches that I grow to resent are what I like to call Woman Lunch Units. Nutrisystem or Lean Cuisine or some other perfectly-portioned little meal-thing . . . ugh. They'll do their job of not letting me gain weight if I'm careful, but they also remind me of about twenty things that I hate about the world.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:39 PM on September 19, 2013 [6 favorites]
The desk lunches that I grow to resent are what I like to call Woman Lunch Units. Nutrisystem or Lean Cuisine or some other perfectly-portioned little meal-thing . . . ugh. They'll do their job of not letting me gain weight if I'm careful, but they also remind me of about twenty things that I hate about the world.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:39 PM on September 19, 2013 [6 favorites]
My saddest desk lunches are when I am overwhelmed by options in the office fridge and grumpily eat saltines with fancy beer mustard while hunched under my desk.
posted by elizardbits at 5:39 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by elizardbits at 5:39 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I started a new job a few months ago and my coworkers eat at their desks with their office doors closed. At first I went up to the rooftop deck and enjoyed the sun and the view, but now it's getting chilly and the communal seating areas are so far away and the internet is so interesting and my office is nice and quiet. Now I eat at my desk, but my lunches are proper meals with vegetables and everything--none of this energy drink business.
At my previous job, people would gather in the kitchen and segregate themselves, and the girls I sat with liked to have entertaining conversations which seemed wildly inappropriate for work and also forcefully offer me cookies. Exhausting.
posted by esoterrica at 5:41 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
At my previous job, people would gather in the kitchen and segregate themselves, and the girls I sat with liked to have entertaining conversations which seemed wildly inappropriate for work and also forcefully offer me cookies. Exhausting.
posted by esoterrica at 5:41 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
This is exactly why I go with the bento-box-for-USians approach or use a modified tiffin. I do often have to eat at my desk, but they all have multiple containers that gets me all excited about "whee I have a variety of things", and the box thing is black with red and I can pretend it's red laquer, and I can use up leftovers in funky ways. Like today - I brought some vegetable dumplings, pork fried rice, edamame and grapes to lunch in the tiffin. And a couple days ago the bento had a sandwich, more grapes, some cherry tomatoes and cookies.
I also have one of those insulated lunch bag things and a bunch of tupperware, but the multiple-containers-already-included thing is what gets me all excited about "ooh, lots of different boxes to fill, what can I put in them?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:41 PM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
I also have one of those insulated lunch bag things and a bunch of tupperware, but the multiple-containers-already-included thing is what gets me all excited about "ooh, lots of different boxes to fill, what can I put in them?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:41 PM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
Also can everyone just shut up about chia seeds? I don't wanna hear another word about fucking chia seeds unless it is from the mouth of Huitzilopochtli himself.
posted by elizardbits at 5:45 PM on September 19, 2013 [24 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 5:45 PM on September 19, 2013 [24 favorites]
What's disgusting is not so much some of these food choices but how the practice of eating at the desk has become so normalized.
posted by jnnla at 5:45 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by jnnla at 5:45 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
At my last office job, I used to just take in a turkey and cheese sandwich and an apple every day, but at least I got to eat here.
posted by LionIndex at 5:49 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by LionIndex at 5:49 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm really disturbed by the one person who appears to be having a jug of gravy for lunch.
In like a "why didn't I think of that" kind of way?
posted by clockzero at 5:49 PM on September 19, 2013 [9 favorites]
In like a "why didn't I think of that" kind of way?
posted by clockzero at 5:49 PM on September 19, 2013 [9 favorites]
Well, sometimes it's too hot to go outside. Or too cold. Or too lazy. And if the alternative is listening to coworkers talk about the weather while we all stare at the closed-captioned television in the break room, well. I'm going to sit at my desk.
posted by something something at 5:49 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by something something at 5:49 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
wait I like eating at my desk sometimes does this mean I'm sad y/n :(
posted by en forme de poire at 5:50 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by en forme de poire at 5:50 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also people who reheat seafood in the office microwave should be dragged out into the town square for tarring and feathering. Then everyone gets to hit them with a big stick.
posted by elizardbits at 5:59 PM on September 19, 2013 [12 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 5:59 PM on September 19, 2013 [12 favorites]
I am pro lunch at desk because if I eat while working instead of clocking out for lunch I can leave earlier and working is like 75% "just look at stuff online unless something's breaking" so YES desk lunch.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:06 PM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 6:06 PM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
Yeah not going out and taking a 2h lunch like everyone else in my office means I can stroll in at 1015 every morning unashamed and reasonably well rested.
posted by elizardbits at 6:08 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 6:08 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
What's really awful is when you scrape together all of your change to buy microwave popcorn, because it is the bulkiest food per monetary unit of all the vending machine items, and then because you are so hungry you're seeing stars, you let it burn and you are not only still hungry and sad and broke but now you are a hungry sad broke pariah because you made the kitchen reek.
I do not miss being a graduate research assistant, is what I'm saying here.
posted by gingerest at 6:09 PM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
I do not miss being a graduate research assistant, is what I'm saying here.
posted by gingerest at 6:09 PM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
elizardbits: "when I am overwhelmed by options in the office fridge"
Those aren't options, those are other people's lunches.
posted by boo_radley at 6:09 PM on September 19, 2013 [10 favorites]
Those aren't options, those are other people's lunches.
posted by boo_radley at 6:09 PM on September 19, 2013 [10 favorites]
no we do a weekly grocery order cause my job is awesome
posted by elizardbits at 6:11 PM on September 19, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 6:11 PM on September 19, 2013 [6 favorites]
also my quinoa and chia-seed salad is very expensive, please stop throwing it into the trash
posted by boo_radley at 6:13 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by boo_radley at 6:13 PM on September 19, 2013
I work smack dab in the middle of Boston and while I have my fair share of sad lunches, there are days like today where I absolutely have to get out. So I feel very grateful to be able to walk 5 minutes to the Boston Public Library and eat here, one of the worst kept secrets in Copley Square.
posted by jeremias at 6:13 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jeremias at 6:13 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I eat lunch at my desk every day for 4 reasons: 1) I work in the Tenderloin in San Francisco, which is an absolutely repulsive neighborhood that I have no desire to go walking around in, 2) my wife and I are both good cooks and our leftovers are always awesome, 3) eating at my desk saves me lots of money and allows me to appear admirably busy and dedicated to my job without actually having to do anything extra, and 4) the time that others spend in transit to/from lunch is time I get back later - in the afternoon, when no one's looking, I run upstairs and draw in my sketchbook for about the same amount of time that most people spend getting lunch. At that time of day, everybody just assumes I'm in a meeting or something.
For me, there is nothing depressing about eating at my desk.
posted by Pecinpah at 6:14 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
For me, there is nothing depressing about eating at my desk.
posted by Pecinpah at 6:14 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yea I'm actually a pretty social person but I kind of like eating lunch alone. My job consists of a lot of people saying 'hey I have a question' so it's nice to just kind of sit quietly. And Metafilter.
posted by sweetkid at 6:16 PM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by sweetkid at 6:16 PM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
elizardbits: "no we do a weekly grocery order cause my job is awesome"
that's pretty awesome, to be honest.
here's... a hot dog with... soss?
posted by boo_radley at 6:16 PM on September 19, 2013
that's pretty awesome, to be honest.
here's... a hot dog with... soss?
posted by boo_radley at 6:16 PM on September 19, 2013
Also people who reheat seafood in the office microwave should be dragged out into the town square for tarring and feathering. Then everyone gets to hit them with a big stick.
Well, it's a nice change of pace to see that sentiment expressed in some format other than a note in Comic Sans taped to the breakroom microwave.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 6:23 PM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
Well, it's a nice change of pace to see that sentiment expressed in some format other than a note in Comic Sans taped to the breakroom microwave.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 6:23 PM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
I made a tuna and mayo sandwich for my lunch last night, and ate it the instant I sat down at my desk this morning. I have a big bag of "energy fruit & nut mix", which is raisins, dates, pepitas, sunflower kernels, almonds, cashews, brazil nuts, walnuts, and pecans, yet somehow contains only 34% fruit and 36% nuts which is 70% things so...I dunno what the other 30% is. Then I have two carrots and two silly little apples. I just ate one of the carrots and a fistful of 70%. A few years back I listened to one manager telling another manager how he made a sandwich for his lunch, and he talked about it for 30 minutes.
"So yeah, made a sandwich. Tuna and mayo."
"Sounds good."
"Made it last night."
"Good idea. Saves time in the morning."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I got the bread out of the bag, just fuckin' put that bread down on the counter."
"Yeah?"
"Opened up the tin of tuna, drained it out. You gotta drain it."
"What kind of tuna do you get?"
"The one in the green can."
"I get the one in the yellow can."
"I don't like the stuff in the yellow can."
"I like the stuff in the yellow can."
"-drained it out, and I used a fork to break up the tuna in the can."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, that's the only way to do it."
"That's how I do it too."
"Green can tuna breaks up easier. Yellow can tuna doesn't break up so easy."
"Yellow can tuna breaks up easy enough for me."
"Yeah, I don't think so. Once I broke up the tuna I used the fork to scoop it out and spread it on the bread, y'know?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Spread the whole can. I coulda made two sandwiches, but I didn't want to be filling up on carbs, right?"
"What kinda bread you use?"
"Fancy bread in the bag, y'know. The monastery bread."
"Abbott's?"
"Yeah, that stuff."
"I use Helgas."
"I don't like Helgas. I like Abbott's."
"I like Helgas. I use Helgas in my own sandwiches."
"-so I spread the tuna on the bread, and I already had the mayo out."
"Mayo was ready to go, huh?"
"Yeah I had the mayo there already."
"What kinda mayo you use?"
"I use the proper egg mayo, with the yellow label."
"I use Miracle Whip."
"I don't like Miracle Whip."
"We like Miracle Whip."
"-so I had the mayo and I got a knife out of the drawer."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I couldn't use the fork, y'know? Doesn't spread mayo as good as it spreads tuna."
"I guess that's true."
"Plus, fuckin' tuna bits all through the mayo, y'know?"
"Yeah, yeah. Shit."
"Opened up the jar of mayo, you just gotta use the knife and you spread the mayo on the bread."
"Right on there?"
"Yep. But on the opposite bit of bread to the bit of bread that has the tuna, y'know?"
"Oh yeah, oh yeah. That's how I do it too."
"Spread that shit on there."
"You like lots of mayo, or only a little bit of mayo?"
"I only like a little bit of mayo."
"I like lots of mayo."
"Not me, I only use a little bit."
"Mayo's the best bit."
"-so I put the mayo on the bread, right? Put the mayo bread on top of the tuna bread, and that's it."
"Yeah?"
"You bet."
"You cut it across, or diagonally?"
"I cut it diagonally."
"I cut mine across."
"I don't like it across."
"Well."
"Cut it diagonally, and you know what? BAM! GOT MYSELF A SANDWICH!"
"Nice! You use the Glad Wrap, or a sandwich bag?"
"I use a sandwich bag."
"I use Glad Wrap. Keeps the sandwich together."
"I got no time for Glad Wrap. Sandwich bag, all the way."
"So how was it?"
"How was what?"
"The sandwich."
"Oh. I dunno. I forgot it this morning, it's still in the fridge at home. Had a pie from the 7-11 across the road."
"What kind of pie?"
TO BE CONTINUED
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:24 PM on September 19, 2013 [48 favorites]
"So yeah, made a sandwich. Tuna and mayo."
"Sounds good."
"Made it last night."
"Good idea. Saves time in the morning."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I got the bread out of the bag, just fuckin' put that bread down on the counter."
"Yeah?"
"Opened up the tin of tuna, drained it out. You gotta drain it."
"What kind of tuna do you get?"
"The one in the green can."
"I get the one in the yellow can."
"I don't like the stuff in the yellow can."
"I like the stuff in the yellow can."
"-drained it out, and I used a fork to break up the tuna in the can."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, that's the only way to do it."
"That's how I do it too."
"Green can tuna breaks up easier. Yellow can tuna doesn't break up so easy."
"Yellow can tuna breaks up easy enough for me."
"Yeah, I don't think so. Once I broke up the tuna I used the fork to scoop it out and spread it on the bread, y'know?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Spread the whole can. I coulda made two sandwiches, but I didn't want to be filling up on carbs, right?"
"What kinda bread you use?"
"Fancy bread in the bag, y'know. The monastery bread."
"Abbott's?"
"Yeah, that stuff."
"I use Helgas."
"I don't like Helgas. I like Abbott's."
"I like Helgas. I use Helgas in my own sandwiches."
"-so I spread the tuna on the bread, and I already had the mayo out."
"Mayo was ready to go, huh?"
"Yeah I had the mayo there already."
"What kinda mayo you use?"
"I use the proper egg mayo, with the yellow label."
"I use Miracle Whip."
"I don't like Miracle Whip."
"We like Miracle Whip."
"-so I had the mayo and I got a knife out of the drawer."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I couldn't use the fork, y'know? Doesn't spread mayo as good as it spreads tuna."
"I guess that's true."
"Plus, fuckin' tuna bits all through the mayo, y'know?"
"Yeah, yeah. Shit."
"Opened up the jar of mayo, you just gotta use the knife and you spread the mayo on the bread."
"Right on there?"
"Yep. But on the opposite bit of bread to the bit of bread that has the tuna, y'know?"
"Oh yeah, oh yeah. That's how I do it too."
"Spread that shit on there."
"You like lots of mayo, or only a little bit of mayo?"
"I only like a little bit of mayo."
"I like lots of mayo."
"Not me, I only use a little bit."
"Mayo's the best bit."
"-so I put the mayo on the bread, right? Put the mayo bread on top of the tuna bread, and that's it."
"Yeah?"
"You bet."
"You cut it across, or diagonally?"
"I cut it diagonally."
"I cut mine across."
"I don't like it across."
"Well."
"Cut it diagonally, and you know what? BAM! GOT MYSELF A SANDWICH!"
"Nice! You use the Glad Wrap, or a sandwich bag?"
"I use a sandwich bag."
"I use Glad Wrap. Keeps the sandwich together."
"I got no time for Glad Wrap. Sandwich bag, all the way."
"So how was it?"
"How was what?"
"The sandwich."
"Oh. I dunno. I forgot it this morning, it's still in the fridge at home. Had a pie from the 7-11 across the road."
"What kind of pie?"
TO BE CONTINUED
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:24 PM on September 19, 2013 [48 favorites]
This is nearly unbearable.
posted by ryanshepard at 6:28 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ryanshepard at 6:28 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
My lunch is probably even sadder cuz I eat the free snacks they give us in the kitchen like smartfood, apples, and beef jerky.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:33 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:33 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
You get free beef jerky? Is your job President of Space?
posted by jason_steakums at 6:36 PM on September 19, 2013 [27 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 6:36 PM on September 19, 2013 [27 favorites]
Turbid dahlia, are you sure you didn't plagiarize that from Pinter?
posted by gingerest at 6:38 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by gingerest at 6:38 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I dunno, who's Pinter? "BAM! GOT MYSELF A SANDWICH! " is from Simpsons I think.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:44 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:44 PM on September 19, 2013
Oh. Harold. I get it. It's a joke. You've rused and shanghai'd me.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:47 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:47 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
No number of heavily-favorited AskMes on healthy, cheap, delicious, prepare-ahead-on-the-weekend lunches can save me from my inevitable lunch disasters like Phil from Liverpool's. My gross noodles boiled over in the microwave today, too, Phil, I feel your pain.
posted by bobobox at 6:51 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by bobobox at 6:51 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Beef jerky is the high end, and rare. So are apples. I was trying to put a fancy spin on what is usually wheat thins, pretzels, and instant oatmeal ;_;
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:56 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:56 PM on September 19, 2013
I am reading this and crying because it is making me laugh so hard.
Who needs bread when you have your mouth?
posted by dismas at 6:58 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Who needs bread when you have your mouth?
posted by dismas at 6:58 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Fuck this bullshit y'all, let's all go get real food and eat it in the park tomorrow.
Calexico! who's coming with me! HeeYAW
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:03 PM on September 19, 2013
Calexico! who's coming with me! HeeYAW
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:03 PM on September 19, 2013
It's gonna be one hell of an afternoon
posted by Runes at 7:11 PM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Runes at 7:11 PM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]
Is microwaved seafood one of those things that taste good even though it smells horrible? There is no way it tastes any where near as bad as it smells. Come on somebody 'fess up. I know one of youse microwaves tuna fish.
I suppose we really need a food engineer to explain what's up with that.
posted by bukvich at 7:11 PM on September 19, 2013
I suppose we really need a food engineer to explain what's up with that.
posted by bukvich at 7:11 PM on September 19, 2013
Now I'm hungry.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:19 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by restless_nomad at 7:19 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I always eat at my desk unless it's some corporate thing where they buy us food to bribe us engineers into leaving our cubes.
posted by octothorpe at 7:22 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 7:22 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
We only get 30 minute lunch breaks at my job, so every day is a sad lunch day.
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:23 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:23 PM on September 19, 2013
I'm the asshole who eats a tin of sardines at her desk for lunch.
posted by Windigo at 7:35 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Windigo at 7:35 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
OWN THAT. I wish I wasn't too self conscious to eat delicious smelly tinned fish at work.
posted by jason_steakums at 7:38 PM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 7:38 PM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]
My company moved our office last year... before the move, I ate lunch at my desk about 80% of the time, but I took the time to do non-work web browsing and such. With the new office layout, though, I can't eat a remotely uninterrupted lunch at my desk. We do have a break room, but I find the lighting really unpleasant, so after a few horrible attempts at desk lunch I decided to get out of the office every day unless I'm actually so swamped I can't take the break from working.
It started to get expensive, as I defaulted to eating in restaurants more, so I made some changes. Now I keep a picnic blanket in the back of my car so in nice weather I can just drive to a nearby park and eat on the grass. Since we're also really close to the airport, when it's rainy I'll sometimes drive to the cell phone waiting area and eat in my car while watching the planes and listening to music or an audiobook.
posted by polymath at 7:41 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
It started to get expensive, as I defaulted to eating in restaurants more, so I made some changes. Now I keep a picnic blanket in the back of my car so in nice weather I can just drive to a nearby park and eat on the grass. Since we're also really close to the airport, when it's rainy I'll sometimes drive to the cell phone waiting area and eat in my car while watching the planes and listening to music or an audiobook.
posted by polymath at 7:41 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
THE PBO SAD DESK LUNCH MENU (select three!)
[] Clif bar
[] Sandwich crackers
[] Regret
[] Trail mix
[] Quiet longing
[] Almonds
[] Lay's potato chips that will not fall out when you put your 50c in the machine, so you have to go see the office manager who has the key and ask her to please dislodge your Lay's potato chips for you
[] Cold anger
[] Cup of noodles
[] Slice of bread that the guy you vaguely resent for inchoate reasons brings to share with the office every week, and having to eat his bread because you were too lazy/distracted/hung over to bring lunch only makes you resent him more
[] Meandering daydreams
[] A caustic fight on MetaTalk, enjoyed from the sidelines
[] Lean Cuisine so insubstantial you might as well have just sat and contemplated the idea of food for a few minutes instead of eating it
[] More coffee
[] Peanuts
[] Cottage cheese
[] Nectarine
[] Realization that this is it (chew but don't swallow)
posted by prize bull octorok at 7:58 PM on September 19, 2013 [18 favorites]
[] Clif bar
[] Sandwich crackers
[] Regret
[] Trail mix
[] Quiet longing
[] Almonds
[] Lay's potato chips that will not fall out when you put your 50c in the machine, so you have to go see the office manager who has the key and ask her to please dislodge your Lay's potato chips for you
[] Cold anger
[] Cup of noodles
[] Slice of bread that the guy you vaguely resent for inchoate reasons brings to share with the office every week, and having to eat his bread because you were too lazy/distracted/hung over to bring lunch only makes you resent him more
[] Meandering daydreams
[] A caustic fight on MetaTalk, enjoyed from the sidelines
[] Lean Cuisine so insubstantial you might as well have just sat and contemplated the idea of food for a few minutes instead of eating it
[] More coffee
[] Peanuts
[] Cottage cheese
[] Nectarine
[] Realization that this is it (chew but don't swallow)
posted by prize bull octorok at 7:58 PM on September 19, 2013 [18 favorites]
Pecinpah, there's actually some IMO awesome cheap food in the Tenderloin if you like South Asian or Japanese... we should do a lunch date. Or not, because eating at your desk is a totally legit life choice, hi haters.
posted by en forme de poire at 8:08 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by en forme de poire at 8:08 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm really disturbed by the one person who appears to be having a jug of gravy for lunch.
I once ate pure gravy just using the ladle that it had previously been being served with. True story. Yet another true story: I once squeezed a packet of ranch dressing into my mouth, just for the calories. Hunger is the best seasoning for food.
Although if you're not being starved, then yeah, I should hope no one is eating jugs of gravy.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 8:18 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I once ate pure gravy just using the ladle that it had previously been being served with. True story. Yet another true story: I once squeezed a packet of ranch dressing into my mouth, just for the calories. Hunger is the best seasoning for food.
Although if you're not being starved, then yeah, I should hope no one is eating jugs of gravy.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 8:18 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
No number of heavily-favorited AskMes on healthy, cheap, delicious, prepare-ahead-on-the-weekend lunches can save me from my inevitable lunch disasters like Phil from Liverpool's.
HA HA I used to read and favourite for later all those threads diligently like a thrifty matron clipping coupons until I finally owned up to the irrefutable fact that I will never fucking cook a thing the night before and take it with me to work the next day. I can barely be bothered to make my own tea.
i am the 1%, i disgust myself
posted by elizardbits at 8:20 PM on September 19, 2013 [9 favorites]
HA HA I used to read and favourite for later all those threads diligently like a thrifty matron clipping coupons until I finally owned up to the irrefutable fact that I will never fucking cook a thing the night before and take it with me to work the next day. I can barely be bothered to make my own tea.
i am the 1%, i disgust myself
posted by elizardbits at 8:20 PM on September 19, 2013 [9 favorites]
i mean i just want to be borne slothfully across the lands in a comfortable litter by strapping comely youths while i eat doritos
i don't think that's so much to ask
posted by elizardbits at 8:22 PM on September 19, 2013 [12 favorites]
i don't think that's so much to ask
posted by elizardbits at 8:22 PM on September 19, 2013 [12 favorites]
I don't have an office but I do have a desk and I made up my mind not to eat at it because I'm trying to limit the amount of time I spent looking at glowing rectangles and I should savor the meal, take time to think, etc, etc but really it's that being super fussy and cooking and setting the dining table for one manages to eat up like, two whole hours in my day that would otherwise be spent trying to figure out new ways to procrastinate.
posted by The Whelk at 8:40 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by The Whelk at 8:40 PM on September 19, 2013
shh come sit on the litter
posted by elizardbits at 8:44 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by elizardbits at 8:44 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Calexico! who's coming with me! HeeYAW
Oh hey, I'll have 25 tofu tortas and a gallon of crack sauce.
posted by mintcake! at 9:12 PM on September 19, 2013
Oh hey, I'll have 25 tofu tortas and a gallon of crack sauce.
posted by mintcake! at 9:12 PM on September 19, 2013
We can eat them in the line for shake shack & when we're done get shakes SMASH THE SYSTEM
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:28 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:28 PM on September 19, 2013
Today at lunch a few coworkers and I baked double chocolate chip cookies in the toaster oven (in batches of 4 ((cubes from those Tollhouse premade packages))), causing minor pandemonium once the smell began wafting through the office. Then we broke open one of those Pillsbury biscuit cans and baked biscuits in the toaster oven to eat with butter and jam.
And later, at the all-hands meeting, our host handed out butterscotch pudding cups. Sometimes I swear my coworkers are determined to give me diabetes.
Ask me about the churro/ice cream experiments we did last week.
posted by estherbester at 9:42 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
And later, at the all-hands meeting, our host handed out butterscotch pudding cups. Sometimes I swear my coworkers are determined to give me diabetes.
Ask me about the churro/ice cream experiments we did last week.
posted by estherbester at 9:42 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
no we do a weekly grocery order cause my job is awesome
At one startup I worked at we did the same and then had a proper Dutch lunch together each day, sitting around a giant picnic table in our hall/kitchen like some bizarre parody of a nuclear family.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:31 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
At one startup I worked at we did the same and then had a proper Dutch lunch together each day, sitting around a giant picnic table in our hall/kitchen like some bizarre parody of a nuclear family.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:31 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Of course here in the Netherlands lunch options are either overpriced broodjes kaas from the work canteen or dry boterhammetje met kaas brought from home, sour apple optional. That's a sad lunch wherever you eat it.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:41 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by MartinWisse at 12:41 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
I spent a couple of days in Paris this week on business. The French seem to like to get out of the office, have a nice lunch in a nice cafe, and watch the world go by. Just saying.
posted by Major Tom at 2:05 AM on September 20, 2013
posted by Major Tom at 2:05 AM on September 20, 2013
Jnnla: What's disgusting is not so much some of the food choices but how the practice of eating at the desk has become so normalized.
I work from home and still eat lunch at my desk most days.
posted by goo at 3:16 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
I work from home and still eat lunch at my desk most days.
posted by goo at 3:16 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
I miss England where it is totally acceptable to desk lunch. Here in France, lunch is 3 courses and revered. After my first week one of my co-workers told me everybody assumed I must have no friends if I was choosing to eat on my own. I use my hour to read English and take a break, but everybody who walks past comments on either my food or desk lunching in general.
posted by ellieBOA at 4:16 AM on September 20, 2013
posted by ellieBOA at 4:16 AM on September 20, 2013
I can only eat mushy things for medical reasons - high protein, low fat, low sugar mushy things without meat or cheese. Fat-free plain greek yogurt and no-sugar-added applesauce is my lot most afternoons... but the local Job Lot carries a surprisingly wide variety of bean, lentil and chickpea Indian curries in foil pouches at $2 a pop. These look like something produced by the death throes of a vulture who ate from the Wrong Dumpster, and smell like a sewage leak at the spice factory, but they taste really good. I put them in a bright green melamine bowl, and enjoy the look of horror on the faces of my colleagues when they dare interrupt my lunch with business, which I spend at my desk looking despondently at the FoodPorn reddit.
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:36 AM on September 20, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:36 AM on September 20, 2013 [5 favorites]
I spent a couple of days in Paris this week on business. The French seem to like to get out of the office, have a nice lunch in a nice cafe, and watch the world go by. Just saying.
That is because employers are legally required to subsidize your lunch in France. If the company is small and cannot accommodate its own canteen, they provide you with a meal voucher (Ticket Restaurant) which you can then use at any local restaurant that displays the sticker in their window.
I went to Paris a couple of times for work last year and compared to how we in the States treat visitors I felt like a king. Two days of meetings at Air France at le Bourget meant a fully catered lunch each day - a meeting room transformed into a small restaurant, waiter service, five courses including a terrine, salad, dessert, and a cheese course. No wine, though, because apparently some uniformed officer made an ass of himself awhile ago so they put the kibosh on that.
The other days when we weren't actively in meetings we went to the company canteen across the street. Amazing, fresh-cooked food (I remember eating squid one day), coffee, desserts, fresh fruits and vegetables. We got the unsubsidized rate of 4 euros or so. I think the subsidized rate for employees there was just around 2 euros.
Meanwhile, the building I'm in right now can barely keep a Coke machine fully stocked.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:31 AM on September 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
That is because employers are legally required to subsidize your lunch in France. If the company is small and cannot accommodate its own canteen, they provide you with a meal voucher (Ticket Restaurant) which you can then use at any local restaurant that displays the sticker in their window.
I went to Paris a couple of times for work last year and compared to how we in the States treat visitors I felt like a king. Two days of meetings at Air France at le Bourget meant a fully catered lunch each day - a meeting room transformed into a small restaurant, waiter service, five courses including a terrine, salad, dessert, and a cheese course. No wine, though, because apparently some uniformed officer made an ass of himself awhile ago so they put the kibosh on that.
The other days when we weren't actively in meetings we went to the company canteen across the street. Amazing, fresh-cooked food (I remember eating squid one day), coffee, desserts, fresh fruits and vegetables. We got the unsubsidized rate of 4 euros or so. I think the subsidized rate for employees there was just around 2 euros.
Meanwhile, the building I'm in right now can barely keep a Coke machine fully stocked.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:31 AM on September 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
I never eat lunch at my desk. I don't care about the expense or the convenience or the time-saving etc. etc. To me, it's about the simple psychological and physical benefits of GET OFF YOUR ASS PEOPLE.
posted by fungible at 5:57 AM on September 20, 2013
posted by fungible at 5:57 AM on September 20, 2013
That's a sad lunch wherever you eat it.
yes but met kass means automatic awesomeness, you can't fool me with your tricksy dutch i know cheese when i see it
posted by elizardbits at 6:06 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
yes but met kass means automatic awesomeness, you can't fool me with your tricksy dutch i know cheese when i see it
posted by elizardbits at 6:06 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
Despite my paean to brown-bagging it earlier, I do confess to only doing that four days a week - Fridays I don't, to kind of spur me to get out of the office for at least a bit. Also as eager as I am to play with lunches, I do start feeling a little put-upon by the end of the week ("oh god I gotta fill all the things in this damn thing").
I also am currently working at a college campus so there are way more options than at my last job - I was at a bank situated in a spot where the only lunch options were catered more towards people who had expense accounts. Then there was, like, a McDonald's and the company cafeteria. And one lone Subway establishment where I went there so often that they just started making me my regular sandwich when they saw me walk in the door.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:20 AM on September 20, 2013
I also am currently working at a college campus so there are way more options than at my last job - I was at a bank situated in a spot where the only lunch options were catered more towards people who had expense accounts. Then there was, like, a McDonald's and the company cafeteria. And one lone Subway establishment where I went there so often that they just started making me my regular sandwich when they saw me walk in the door.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:20 AM on September 20, 2013
This is what my wife calls "dining al desko"
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 6:27 AM on September 20, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 6:27 AM on September 20, 2013 [7 favorites]
I never eat lunch at my desk. I don't care about the expense or the convenience or the time-saving etc. etc. To me, it's about the simple psychological and physical benefits of GET OFF YOUR ASS PEOPLE.
So you, what, chug down packets of protein goo while going for a daily lunchtime run? No matter where I am having them, I generally prefer to sit on my ass while eating meals.
posted by polymath at 6:42 AM on September 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
So you, what, chug down packets of protein goo while going for a daily lunchtime run? No matter where I am having them, I generally prefer to sit on my ass while eating meals.
posted by polymath at 6:42 AM on September 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
yea I get off my ass at plenty of other times during the day but I generally need to sit to eat things.
thanks for the ALL CAPS lecture to the PEOPLE though
posted by sweetkid at 7:15 AM on September 20, 2013 [4 favorites]
thanks for the ALL CAPS lecture to the PEOPLE though
posted by sweetkid at 7:15 AM on September 20, 2013 [4 favorites]
yeah, i'd eat most of these "sad" desk lunches, yum
posted by likeatoaster at 7:18 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by likeatoaster at 7:18 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
I need to clean my desk. All those desk lunches while I troll Metafilter have turned my cube into something that looks like a three-year-old ate in it. Is that a Cherrio in the corner?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:33 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:33 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Of course here in the Netherlands lunch options are either overpriced broodjes kaas from the work canteen or dry boterhammetje met kaas brought from home, sour apple optional. That's a sad lunch wherever you eat it.
Still sounds more exotic than a cheese sandwich.
posted by MILNEWSca at 8:22 AM on September 20, 2013
Still sounds more exotic than a cheese sandwich.
posted by MILNEWSca at 8:22 AM on September 20, 2013
I just quit my office job today (well, turned in my two weeks' notice) and not having sad desk lunches any more is very high on my list of Things I Am Looking Forward To.
posted by RainyJay at 8:46 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by RainyJay at 8:46 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
Heading to the park, alert the authorities if Im not back in 45 minutes (actually dont I'm probably asleep on a bench)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:00 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:00 AM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yea I'm actually a pretty social person but I kind of like eating lunch alone. My job consists of a lot of people saying 'hey I have a question' so it's nice to just kind of sit quietly. And Metafilter.
Me too, but if I eat at my desk, unless I lock my door and draw up my legs so I can't be seen through the glass door, the "hey, I have a question"s don't stop. I think some people wait until lunchtime to come to my office. I go out whenever I can.
posted by donajo at 10:40 AM on September 20, 2013
Me too, but if I eat at my desk, unless I lock my door and draw up my legs so I can't be seen through the glass door, the "hey, I have a question"s don't stop. I think some people wait until lunchtime to come to my office. I go out whenever I can.
posted by donajo at 10:40 AM on September 20, 2013
I bet as soon as someone comes into your office, and, for the first time, sees you gnawing on a rare steak while perched on the edge of your desk like a crazed raptor, these interruptions will cease.
posted by elizardbits at 10:46 AM on September 20, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 10:46 AM on September 20, 2013 [7 favorites]
You underestimate the tenacity of academics.
posted by donajo at 10:50 AM on September 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by donajo at 10:50 AM on September 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
Does it count if the reason you're eating at your desk is because you're working on something that's actually pretty cool for a change?
They actually liked my idea for the company thank-you notes and asked me to keep working on the design and so I get to play with all sorts of fonts and things wheeee
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:59 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
They actually liked my idea for the company thank-you notes and asked me to keep working on the design and so I get to play with all sorts of fonts and things wheeee
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:59 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
Sad Desk Lunch (Underemployed Person in a Car Version): I ate strawberry frosted faux-Wheaties cereal out of a box while driving home from Target in Mount Kisco.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 3:41 PM on September 20, 2013
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 3:41 PM on September 20, 2013
If you willingly eat lunch at your desk, you are a barbarian. I had to work on site for an American client for a few weeks and they all ate at their desks, I just skipped lunch entirely. Come on people, we still have a civilisation to maintain here.
posted by atrazine at 1:41 AM on September 21, 2013
posted by atrazine at 1:41 AM on September 21, 2013
What? Americans don't have a civilization.
posted by The Whelk at 6:39 AM on September 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 6:39 AM on September 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
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posted by sweetkid at 5:18 PM on September 19, 2013 [6 favorites]